The Uncertainty Principle

Luke and Joan are walking through the hall at school, beneath a banner proclaiming the school's upcoming semi-formal: "The Crystal Ball." Luke is rambling on about his science fair project, saying at first he was planning to make a gamma ray microscope to "actually prove" Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Luke adds, "Oh, God, which would almost be worth it just to see the look on Friedman's face -- except a gamma ray microscope would cost, like, $8 million." But otherwise, you know, he could totally do it. Joan's busy trying to toss some kind of tiny snack in the air and catch it in her mouth. As Luke says he began thinking more conceptually, Joan asks him to wake her up when he gets to the point. Luke says, "Right. So I asked Grace to do this thing with me, and at the time she said yes, sort of, but..." Joan: "Wait, Grace Polk said yes, to you?" Luke: "It was somewhat contingent but essentially...yeah." Joan gloats and says, "Aw, she's so gonna get it!" Luke's problem is that he's not sure if Grace remembers him asking, so he's wondering: "Do I have to do the full re-approach..." Joan: "What is she gonna wear? Because they don't make gowns out of fatigues." Well, maybe not in Grace's price range. I've seen some designer stuff like that, but I imagine she can't afford Vivienne Westwood or Jean Paul Gaultier or whichever designer coughed that up. Luke doesn't know what Joan's talking about. Joan thinks he asked Grace to the semi-formal dance; Luke says he asked her to be his science fair partner. Joan remarks, "Wow, science really is like sex to you, isn't it?" She walks away. Luke grapples for a response: "Well, that's...I don't know how to respond to that!"

He catches up to her again, and she advises him, "Put on some stupid clothes and go grope each other in the gym. It's much more direct than building some gammy telescope or whatever." Luke: "Gamma ray microscope, and this isn't about groping. Why? Are you groping...uh, going?" Joan disses these affairs as lame, adding, "Plus, I don't have anybody to go with." Luke surmises, "You and Adam Rove are still on the outs." The last-naming is bugging me. What other Adam would they be talking about? Joan says she can't remember if they were ever on the "ins." At that moment two guys lunge in front of them; one's slamming the other very forcefully into a bank of lockers. The guy being attacked is Adam, and a fairly hulking guy punches him in the face and then in the stomach. No! Don't do that to my Adam! (Jettisoning the last remaining pretenses of any kind of journalistic objectivity here.) The big hulk yells, "You want to get in my way? Is that what you want?" Joan breaks it up and tells the guy to stop hitting Adam. He snarls in her face, "You think I won't hit you, too?" The big hulk, by the way, is played by Frederick Koehler, formerly Chip of Kate and Allie and Andrew Schillinger of Oz. He's, like, twenty-eight, so he's really pushing it to be playing a teenager, almost as much as Gabrielle Carteris was. Still, he manages, between his youthfully moony face and his perpetually injured expression, to successfully portray a seriously screwed-up teenager. He does remind me powerfully of those guys in high school who were always older and more physically mature than most of the rest, through a combination of genetics and having failed a grade or two. You'd be in ninth grade (which is where high school begins in Ontario) and there'd be these tiny boys fresh out of grade school who were thirteen and looked about eleven, alongside these huge manly guys who were fifteen and looked nineteen or older. It was weird, yo. For us, and for them too, I'm sure. So actually, the casting's not as bad as it might seem on paper.

Anyway. Naturally, Price's Misbehaviour Radar goes off and he's right there, commanding them to "Break it up! Right now!" Seems like Joan already handled that, but whatever makes you feel big, buddy. Adam is doubled over, coughing from the gut punch. Price tells all three of them to get in his office right now. Joan's got her hands on Adam's back, asking if he's okay. As he stands up, he jerks away from her and coughs a bit more. He follows Price. Joan is bewildered, and breathing heavily.

When they arrive in the administration office, Price wants the bully first: "Mr. Ramsay! Let's begin with you." Helen sees the three of them come in and quickly ends her call. Joan sits down on a bench to a sorta punk-y, sort Goth-y guy with dark purple hair and several facial piercings. Helen goes to attend to Adam, touching his face gently. The guy to Joan hands her a folded piece of paper, which she reads and tosses back on his lap with indifference, saying, "The Crystal Ball. Cool. Are you going?" He replies, "No. You are." Huh. Goth God. Joan gives a tiny, weary sigh and pauses a moment before telling him, "I hope you have a date for me in your magic bag." The bully emerges from Price's office, bitching, "We should do this more often, Price!" He shoulders Adam slightly on his way past him. Price tells Ramsay it's his last chance. Goth God tells Joan he wants her to go to the dance with Ramsay. Joan: "No way!" Then a little more desperately: "Please. You always said I have a choice!" Goth God: "You do. But if you're going to do this, you have to do it right now." Joan: "Or what?" He just provocatively raises his pierced eyebrow at her. She sighs, exasperated, gets up and heads for Bully Boy. Wow. She sure is in God's back pocket.

She goes up to him at his locker and asks to speak to him. He tells her, "I didn't touch you." He punches his locker a few times in anger and frustration. Joan is clearly freaked out but plows ahead anyway, grabbing a Crystal Ball poster off the wall nearby. She asks if he's going to the semi-formal, and shows him the poster. He reads it, crumples it up, and tosses it at Joan. He starts to walk away, but she stops him and asks him to go to the dance with her. He's naturally skeptical that Joan wants to date him, but quickly agrees and takes off. Joan watches him go, wondering what the heck she's in for now. This should definitely win forgiveness points with Adam. Credits.

Helen comes into the kitchen where Luke is doing homework, asking, "Is it strange that you're always awake before I am?" Luke replies, "I like to ambush my brain before fear and reason kick in." She insists he's too young to worry about those things: "That doesn't start until you're thirty." I got news for you, lady. Will comes down the stairs that lead into the kitchen, saying to someone on the phone that as long as he doesn't have to make any speeches, he loves it. He hangs up and tells them he just won a Community Leader award from some citizens' group for being taken hostage. Helen puts her arms around Will and kisses him. Joan, descending the stairs, says, "Ew! Children present." It's interesting that of the three kids, she seems the least comfortable with intra-parental expressions of affection. The boys don't seem as bothered. Will says, "Right. Breakfast. Glitter balls, anyone?" He's referring to the sparkly blue Styrofoam balls covering the table. Helen explains they're decorations for the Crystal Ball. Luke gives her a hard time about the corniness of the name, for which Helen rejects any responsibility. She's reminded that she needs to call Marlene, who wants her to be a chaperone. Joan says she can't chaperone. Luke wonders why she cares, since she's not going. Joan: "I am now." Will: "Hey, that's great. Who you going with?" Joan doesn't answer. After a bit of evasion, Joan finally tells them it's Ramsay. Helen and Luke are incredulous. Will: "Who's Ramsay?" Helen: "Why on earth would you ask that boy to the dance?" Joan claims it's because he's the only person who would go with her. I very much doubt that. Helen: "Adam Rove would have been thrilled to go with you." Joan: "Hello? Do I have to brief you people every morning? Adam. Hates. Me. Okay? I have to go." As Will asks again, "Who's Ramsay?" Helen calls after Joan, "We're not done discussing this."

Joan's in AP Chem, marvelling at how a light bulb goes on when she dips a wire into a beaker of orange juice. Her expression is just delightful to watch. Ms. Lischak prowls the room, twirling her pointer and reminding the class that science fair applications are due by the end of the day. With the usual optocraniodorsal prowess, she blocks Grace (wandering in late) with the pointer and wonders why Grace bothered at all. Grace hands her a late slip. Grace sits down and Joan says, "Will you look at this? I'm making electricity out of sugar!" Grace: "You asked Ramsay to a dance?" In front of them, Glenys and Friedman turn to look at her. Joan doesn't react for a moment and then says, "Luke!" I don't know why she thinks it's him; Ramsay seems like he'd be the sort of guy bragging all over school about going to the dance with her. Grace: "What is up with that? Are you trying to kill Rove?" Joan asks her quietly, "You didn't tell him, did you?" Grace: "I don't need to! You asked Steve Ramsay to the semi-formal! That's like a CNN headline!" Glenys smiles: "You're going to the dance with Ramsay?" Friedman: "That's desperate." No, if she were desperate, she'd be going with you. Shut it. Joan says maybe she was just trying to do something nice. Friedman: "Good luck! That guy is seriously psycho." Glenys tells Friedman, "You're just saying that because he threw you in the trash." To Joan, she simpers, "I think it's sweet." Grace says, "I heard he has a private arsenal out in the woods where he shoots squirrels and stuff." Joan: "And you believe that?" Grace: "Ask Rove. They used to hang out. Oh, wait! Rove will never speak to you again after this. Never mind." I thought he was already more or less not speaking to her. Friedman contributes: "I wouldn't worry. If you get into any trouble, Luke here will defend you." Luke: "What am I doing?" Joan says he's not doing anything because nothing bad is going to happen.

The bell rings, and everyone leaves as Grace suddenly gets interested in the sugar-powered light bulb. She dips the wire a few times, making the bulb flick on and off, as Luke nervously stammers and stumbles over trying to ask Grace about the science fair. He doesn't get very far before Grace asks, annoyed, "What is with these sanctioned mating rituals that make everyone drool over each other like zombies?" Luke suddenly realizes she thinks he's asking her to the dance, and he's quick to explain he's referring to the science fair. Grace: "I already said I'd do that. Why are you getting all sweaty?" Luke reminds her she told him to ask her again closer to the date. She takes the pencil out from behind his ear and starts writing on what I presume is the application form, saying, "I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like I'm going to be any help." Luke assures her he has a "file folder full of ideas." Grace: "Whatever. As long as I don't have to wear a dress." Luke chuckles, "Yeah, me too." Grace gives him a weird look, but there's an indulgent glint in her eye. Luke back-pedals: "Not that I would ever wear a dress..." Grace sticks the pencil back behind his ear and whispers, "It's okay, man." Hee. Just kiss already!

Grace walks in behind Luke, wearing a hot pink (!) strapless sheath dress underneath her leather jacket. She's kind of styled her hair by flipping the ends out and she's wearing quite a lot of makeup, and the overall effect is not entirely flattering. At first glance, it's kind of "Hooker #3" on NYPD Blue. Still, I think it's adorable that she made an effort. And it's not like most teenage boys are all that discriminating. There's been much speculation on the forums about where she got that dress: borrowed it? Perhaps from some unmentioned sibling? Bought it? Parents gave it to her? My theory is that it's a leftover from some cousin's wedding in which she was forced to be a bridesmaid. She sidles up behind Luke and says, "This music sucks." Word. Not fond of the Ladies, sorry. Luke stands up, duly surprised, and takes her in, saying, "Wow!" Grace smiles tightly and says, "Yeah. Don't talk about it." They glance over at Friedman, who is energetically spinning and tossing Glenys around. Grace's first question: "Where's your sister?" Interesting. Not "You look nice, too" or "This is for losers, man" or "Let's flush Friedman down the toilet," but "Where's your sister?" Luke says he doesn't know, although in a room this empty, you'd think she'd be easy to spot. Luke politely asks, "Uh...did you want to take off your coat..." Grace: "Cool it, horndog! I'm not there yet."

We cut to Adam, sitting at a table at the dance, writing something. I should probably mock him for his antisocial tendencies, but I'm the sort of person who'd rather write at a dance than dance, so you won't be hearing from me. Adam's wearing a black suit and a grey shirt with a grey and black vertically striped tie, and he looks very cute. Hey, it's been a few pages since I mentioned he's cute. Helen walks over -- looking extremely gorgeous, I might add, in a pretty red and white printed sleeveless top and black skirt -- and says hello to him. She's got a goofy "Chaperone" snowflake thing pinned on her, but she wears it well, and her hair looks especially nice. When Adam sees her, his eyes light up a bit, and he stands up. I like that he seems to have that kind of reflexive courtesy. There's just a fleeting Mrs. Robinson vibe there for a second or two, but it mostly passes. I'm sure the show would not go that route, and I think Adam is beginning to view Helen as a bit of a surrogate mom. She certainly seems to like him a lot better than she did initially. Helen says, "Looks like you came stag, huh?" Adam nods and says, "Yeah." And then: "What?" Helen explains what "stag" means, but adds she doesn't know why it's called that. There's probably a moose/elk joke in there, but trust me, it's really early in the morning and you're going to have to fend for yourselves on that front. Let me know what you come up with. Adam asks if she's seen Joan yet; Helen says she hasn't. They glance around the dance floor, where Friedman is flinging Glenys around, and she detaches and falls into Luke's arms. She looks quite happy about it; Grace, not so much. Friedman comes gyrating over and grabs her back. He resumes his bizarre square dancing moves with Glenys as Luke and Grace watch, somewhat appalled. Luke: "Do you sometimes wonder if high school will ever come to an end?" Grace just nods.

Joan's corralled Steve into a photograph. As the camera flashes, we cut back to Adam and Helen. Adam's noticed Joan and Steve together, and he just gives Helen a glum look and starts to walk away. You can tell Helen feels his pain, and she says, "Adam, wait. Girls are just...stupid in high school, okay? If you will just hang on a few more years, I guarantee you, eventually the smart girls will figure out that guys like you are way more interesting than guys like Ramsay." Adam just barely nods.

Friedman says to Luke, "So, Polk looks pretty hot under all that feminazi garb. Who knew, huh? Hey." Wow, like I didn't already want to punch Friedman's lights out. Glenys stands by, admiring Luke and trying to look casual but pretty. Luke, quite annoyed: "Did you just say 'feminazi'?" Friedman: "Be straight with me, Girardi. You guys exchanging fluids?" Yeah, long protein strings. God! Shut it, Friedman. Luke: "Why am I friends with you?" Indeed. Friedman: "Well, it's the only explanation. Why else would you commit science fair suicide?" Luke sighs and says, "What can I say? 'The search for truth is more precious than its possessions.'" That's Einstein, but I think the correct quotation is "...possession," which makes more sense. Macy Gray's "When I See You" starts to play, making me very happy since I love her and I love this song. Grace arrives back with a couple of drinks at this point, just in time to hear Friedman say, "Okay, seriously, invest in Birkenstocks now, because you're doomed to a life of lesbian worship!" He scuttles a little distance away again like the miserable coward he is. Glenys follows. Grace, fed up, sets down the two cups as Luke stands up, and she puts her hands on his neck and kisses him passionately for several seconds. Then she pulls his jacket off, shrugs hers off, and hands them both to him. She kind of tugs on his tie and then heads for the dance floor. Luke follows, dumping their jackets on Friedman, who remarks excitedly to Glenys, "Did he just convert her from Mac to PC?" Shut. It. Friedman. God, what an asshat. Glenys, for her part, is obviously heartbroken and struggles to contain her disappointment. Me, I'm buying Grape Nehis for everyone on the deck of the Luke/Grace 'ship (which I'm riding while my favourite 'ship's in dock).

Out on the dance floor, Price is dancing with a woman I presume is another teacher, though he looks like he attended the same dance school as Friedman. Macy Gray is playing, but he appears to be hearing either Devo or the B-52s, if you ask me. Friedman's gyrating with Glenys again, and he bops over to Luke and Grace. Luke's making an effort, but is not going to be onstage in Madonna's concert tour either. Grace is a little better; she at least has some rhythm and doesn't move like there's some alien being inside her body that's trying to escape. Speaking of which, Friedman marches Glenys over to where Joan's trying to get Steve to dance. Friedman continues parading her all over the dance floor -- buddy must think there are extra points for mileage -- as Joan tells Steve, "Don't think of it as dancing. Just pretend like you're on fire or something." Hee. Joan dances around Steve as he stands there trying to get with the program. As the song ends, Glenys is thrown into Joan, who lands against Steve. The DJ starts a slow song and advises the guys to "pull her close," so they just go with it, after some initial hesitation.

Steve mumbles something to Joan's shoulder, and Joan says, "What?" Steve manages to stammer out that she smells nice. She smiles a little. They keep dancing and he suddenly dips her, just a very shallow one. She's pleasantly surprised, and giggles with delight. Steve laughs and admits he's always wanted to do that. Joan says, "Do it again." I hate to admit it, but they have some chemistry. He takes her hand gently and they dance another moment before he tries again. He miscalculates this time, though, and Joan goes down a little too far and ends up lying on the floor, laughing. Before Joan can even get up, Price is there, asking what's going on. Steve: "Nothing, she fell." Joan: "We were just dancing." Helen zooms over too: "What's going on?" Joan laughs, "Nothing!" Price: "That's not what I saw." Steve slaps Price's arm away, saying, "Get your hand off me!" Helen doesn't seem upset; she just asks Joan if she's okay. Joan says she is. Price starts to grab Steve as he objects that he didn't do anything. Before long he's got his hand inside Steve's jacket and has discovered the liquor bottle: "Oh, really? Then what is this, Mr. Ramsay?" Joan points out it's not even open. Price: "You brought alcohol onto school premises -- which you know is grounds for expulsion?" Joan yelps, "What?" Steve slaps Price's arm away again and backs away. He runs out, throwing a chair to the ground on the way. Joan, horrified, starts after him as Helen grabs her hand and says, "Don't you think that's enough now?" Joan shakes her hand free and says, "God, Mom, you act like you wanted something to happen!" Helen: "I wanted you to go with someone decent!" Joan doesn't know what to say to that, and runs out. As she passes the DJ, he says to her, "Don't let him go, Joan!" Joan stops and says, "You said all I had to do was listen to him!" DJ Kool G: "You're not finished. Hurry!"

Joan runs out to see that Steve's backing his pickup out of the parking lot. She screams, "Ramsay!" She runs for the vehicle. Behind her, Adam's just run out of the school to see all this. Joan stands right in front of the truck and holds up her hands to get Steve to stop, which he does, though I kind of thought he was prepared to run her down. She opens the passenger door and says, "I told them what happened! You won't get expelled!" Steve snarls, "Just forget it!" Joan begs him to come back inside with her. He screeches, "Leave me alone!" Joan jumps into the truck, and he peels out. Adam, who's watched the whole thing, runs back into the school.

Will and Toni are working late, going over Roebuck's material. Toni says he wasn't exaggerating: "Kickbacks on construction contracts eight years running, council members and judges taking bribes, city inspectors, the mayor." Will: "I hate to say it, but we may be in over our heads on this." He notices Toni's face and says, "You don't have to be a part of this, Detective, but if you're going to step away, you should do it now." His cell phone rings and he answers it, saying right away, "Helen, can I call you back?" Then he listens and says he'll be right there in ten minutes. He gives Toni the number of his FBI field rep in Chicago -- Victor de la Cruz -- and tells her to call him: "Get him everything tonight. Tell him we're putting ourselves in his hands." She takes the number and says, "Okay. I got it."

Sirens and lights as Will and a uniformed officer pull into the school parking lot. Helen and Adam come running out; Helen says, "She's in his truck!" Will asks what happened; Adam says Joan ran after Steve and jumped in his truck as he was leaving. Helen tells Will he may have been drinking. Adam: "There's this place that he hangs out at sometimes -- I think I can get you there." Will: "Okay, let's go." Helen gives Will an anxious look, and he assures her it's going to be okay. Will, Adam, and the officer take off in the two cars as Helen stands there, prematurely aging some more.

Joan and Steve arrive at some junky-looking spot surrounded by torn chain-link fencing out in the woods. He stops the truck and gets out. Joan follows, asking, "Where are you going? What, you're just not going to talk to me? Listen! I know -- you have to believe me when I say that everything's going to be okay. I can't tell you how I know that, I just do." Steve barks, "Just stop talking! I'm trying to think." He stops, bending over to unlock some huge metal trunk. Joan want to know what there is to think about. Steve is very tearful and upset: "You don't understand! I just got expelled!" He opens the trunk and starts extracting and loading a semi-automatic gun, which Joan can't see yet. He continues, "That is the one thing that can't happen! Now my stepdad's gonna kick me out and I'll have to call my real dad, which is something that I never, ever wanna do. He'll say some BS about how he's not surprised and make some excuse why I can't stay with him, which means this is it, I am done!" Joan: "Can't you just tell your dad that it was my fault?" Steve turns around and points the gun at her and shouts, "No, it is not your fault! It's Price!" ["I'd just like to say good on the writers for having Steve blame that martinet Price and not himself." -- Sars] Joan's good and scared now. Steve keeps gesturing with the gun: "He's been after me since the seventh grade -- well, now he can go to hell!" Joan is whimperventilating, but manages to control the onset of hysteria to ask, "What are you doing?" He looks at the gun, which is still pointed at her, and asks, "You know what my record is?" He walks a little distance away and faces a makeshift shooting range, with some broken bottles sitting on a fence. "It's twelve hits in fourteen shots." Okay, so we've established that he's a much better shot than, say, Mulder. He fires, and the first bottle explodes. Joan shrieks a little and says, "Okay, wait, wait. You shouldn't, like, hurt anybody or yourself..." Steve: "Quiet! You have to fire between heartbeats." He shoots off another couple of bullets. Joan: "This wasn't supposed to happen -- you weren't supposed to get expelled!" Steve stops shooting and says, "Don't worry about it." He turns to her, "I still had a pretty good time." Joan isn't convinced this counts as a "good time." Steve: "Oh, sure it is. See, the way I see it, high school is war. You're the first person to be on my side." Joan carefully takes a couple of steps toward him, saying, "But it wouldn't -- it wouldn't be like that, if you would just...let people see, like, your whole spectrum." Steve shouts, "All people want from me is a creeped-out, psycho gun freak, so that's what I give them!" Joan, tearfully: "That's not who you are! That's not who anyone is!" Sirens and lights indicate Will's arrival -- and I'm sure Adam's had an interesting time deciding what and how much to tell her father about Steve -- and Steve asks, "You want to take off? Just the two of us, right now?" She asks, "Where are we gonna go?" He says, "I don't know, we'll just go. Come on!" Dude. Seriously, you will go 300 feet before her father shoots your tires out, if not your brains. Get a grip. And not one with a handgun attached.

While Joan is pondering this, she sees her father and Adam get out of the first car; Will's holding up his gun. He says, "Put your hands in the air!" Steve turns around like greased lightning and has his weapon drawn on Will. Joan shouts, "Wait!" Will tells him to drop his weapon. Steve: "No, you first!" Will tells Joan to get in the car. Joan: "Dad, listen...I can explain!" He tells her again to go to the car. Steve screams, "I didn't hurt her!" Will decides -- interestingly, after the situation he found himself in in the last episode, although of course the uniformed officer has a gun on Steve, too -- to put his gun down on the hood of the car and start carefully walking around the long stretch of fence toward Steve. Will tells Steve to put down his weapon and then they can talk. Steve sobs, "You're not gonna listen to me! You already got your mind made up!" Will: "You stole my daughter and threatened her with a gun -- yeah, I'm drawing some conclusions." Steve says he didn't steal anyone. Joan: "He didn't, Dad! I went with him!" Will says, "Joan!" in a way that means, "Shut it, girlie." He keeps walking slowly toward Steve, saying, "Now, you wanna shoot me, Steve? Is that gonna make it better?" Steve: "Maybe!" Will promises him it will end Steve's life as he knows it: "I don't think that's what you want." Steve shouts, "What do you know about me?" Then he screams, "You don't know anything!" Joan covers her face and gasps some more. Will, still steadily advancing: "Let me tell you something -- and you're not gonna believe me until you're older -- this will end. This...hell you're living through right now is mostly made up of things you had no control over. But this place that you end up...that's gonna be all you." He's much closer to them now, only a few feet away. Steve sobs, "Well, maybe I'm ready to go to hell, 'cause it can't be any worse!" Joan begs, "Steve, don't!" Will: "You hear that? My daughter sees something in you. Now, that counts for something in my book. Are you telling me she's wrong, that there's not something worse saving in there?" Steve doesn't answer, but his resolve might be weakening a little. Will: "Now come on, son -- let's you, and me, see tomorrow." Will's practically inches away now, and Will just gives him a puzzled, encouraging look: "Come on." Steve sobs a bit and drops his hands to his sides. Will gingerly reaches for the gun and Steve hands it over, crying. Will puts his arm around him as they walk toward the car, saying, "Attaboy. It's all right." And then: "Hey, is that my tie?" Hee. Laughter through the tears, always welcome. And a good thing too; my exclamation point is nearly gone from my keyboard, and I can't remember the last episode that didn't make me cry. Which is okay. I'd rather cry than cringe. I just wish we'd gotten at least one reaction shot of Adam in there, although from a direction/editing point of view, it probably would have seemed stuck in, and it's better the way they did it. It's also interesting to me that both Helen and Will tonight had to give the "it won't always be like this, it won't always be this awful" speech to two different boys, neither of them their own.