By Lady Lola
Ronnie wakes up on the floor the morning, then rushes to the bathroom to projectile vomit Ron Ron Juice all up in this joint. With wretch still on his breath, he heads over to the couch to cuddle with Sammi. He is completely ungrateful that she took care of him, and furthermore insists like a real assbag that she started their fight. Then he's all, "But I still love you, baby." Of course she reciprocates. She's happier with Ronnie than without, she says. Real-world translation: "Fiddle dee dee fiddle dee do. Hamstring biology peppercorn!"
Over at the gelato shop, Pauly and Vinny make all sorts of idiotic innuendos while picking up underagers and butterfaces. Elsewhere, the girls are also up to no good. JWOWW drags Snooki by the pouf to the cybercafé so they can draft their damning, misspelled Ronsposé.
All these antics leave Sammi high and dry, so she falls back to her last resort -- hanging out with Angelina. She gets all mafiosa, threatening to cut Angelina off is she doesn't cop to anything and everything she knows about Ronnie's misdeeds. She says the same goes for Snooki and JWOWW. Angelina surprisingly doesn't jump at the chance to sell out the other girls, claiming she doesn't want to be the house's token shit-starter. She plays dumb yet again, lying that she'll be sure to tell Sammi if anything happens "in the future." Sammi desperately asks for confirmation that Angelina will tell narc on Ronnie. Angelina says she will, now that they're "friends." That's rich. Sammi credits Angelina for being so honest and real, saying she is sure to feel betrayed if (when) she finds anything out.
Meanwhile, Snooki and JWOWW smugly leave the Internet cafe, proclaiming their mission has been accomplished. Or at least it will be once they slip the "anonymous" letter into Sammi's drawer. You mean they weren't even smart enough to open a fake e-mail account and send it to her online? They're actually going to put it in the house where it will be painfully obvious that there are only seven possible senders? For the love, you guys! This is like watching penguins playing basketball. The level of ineptitude is astonishing.
While Ronnie, Pauly, and The Situation visit 24-hour laundry services, everyone else reconvenes at home. Sammi wakes Vinny from a peaceful slumber, and JWOWW takes the opportunity to fill Angelina in on the Operation: Lame-Ass Letter. After spending the entire evening lying her tits off, Angelina acts like she's above all this petty drama and complains the others are trying to pull her back in, Godfather-style. Oh get off your high horse, Don Whoreleone. Eventually she gets to the rub of things, admitting she doesn't want to get involved because it'll make her look bad. Snooki tells her that she is involved whether she likes it or not. She interviews that she doesn't trust Angelina. Angelina carries on, saying that everyone in the house is in a tough position, but Snooki and JWOWW especially so since they're Sammi's best friends. As an aside, I think it's a testament to how feeble Angelina's mind games are that Sammi is the only person in the house she can fool. I mean, Sammi has literally heard concrete facts about Ronnie's cheating, not to mention been called every name in the book by the man who supposedly loves her, and yet she keeps going back like a bruised puppy. She's a weak moron is what I'm saying. So I'm not sure why Angelina thinks she's got everyone fooled. No one but Sammi is buying whatever jacked-up brand of snake oil she's selling.
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