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We spend part of the episode inside Emily's head, and it's just as dull and confusing in there as you'd expect. The rest of the episode makes up for that by being fantastically crazy. Team Ravenwood turns up at Stanley's, looking for gas. He doesn't trust them, for no readily apparent reason, and heads into town to warn the townsfolk that soldiers are on the way. Jake gibbers that the soldiers are all bloodthirsty maniacs who will raze the town and salt the earth when they're done. He makes that sound like a bad thing, though. Eric finally sacks up and dumps April before she has a chance to mention that she's pregnant. Mom is pissed, so Eric had better watch his back. Apparently, Team Ravenwood took the scenic route, since even with a head start on Stanley, they don't arrive for hours. When they do, they're stopped on the bridge by the nascent Jericho militia. D.B. Sweeney explains that he has orders to commandeer supplies, and sounds perfectly reasonable. After some debate, and an accidental exchange of gunfire, D.B. Sweeney gives the townsfolk four hours to rethink the situation, and retreats. Then Jake's like, "See, what'd I tell you? He's a psycho!" So the townsfolk decide to blow up the bridge, because there's no way that Team Ravenwood could wade across a river that looks to be about three feet deep. Or, y'know, find a boat. Eric unsuccessfully protests the plan, tries tattling to Dad, and finally zooms off, claiming that he'll solve everything. Team Ravenwood returns and faces off against Jake, who says he'll blow the bridge if they try to cross. Hawkins takes out one of the Ravenwood guys, and D.B. Sweeney finally starts to get irritated. That's when Eric returns with reinforcments: Jonah and a couple of Jonah's men. Which is especially wonderful because, for the whole episode, Johanna and I had been saying, "They should just get Jonah. He's way more menacing than D.B. Sweeney." Team Jonah takes aim at Team Ravenwood from behind, and D.B. Sweeney slinks off into the sunset. Then there's another argument about blowing up the bridge, because, well, it'd be a shame not to, after all that work they did wiring it. Dad finally gets out of his sickbed and manages to slap some sense into people. They wind up just posting guards at the bridge, and Dad sends Jake off to invade Germany. Or something like that. The point is, nothing explodes. What a rip-off! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: D.B. Sweeney scared the crap out of Skeet.
We open as a radio alarm switches on and a DJ announces that it's 8 AM. Emily swats at the alarm till it stops. Oh look: a dream sequence. Then a dude appears, buttoning his shirt cuffs, and tells Emily to "rise and shine." This would be Roger, and he appears to be bland enough to want to marry Emily. And he's a morning person. Ugh. Emily chuckles that "maybe this wedding isn't such a good idea." Roger says that she has a few hours to change her mind. Emily suggests a quickie, but Roger says that he has to go meet his parents, who "aren't all that thrilled with the accommodations." She sighs that they're at the best bed & breakfast in town. There's more than one? I'm a little distracted because I'm admiring the decor of Emily's bedroom. Mostly because I've been wanting to paint my bedroom a similar shade of green. Then I notice that, as Roger sits down to put his shoes on, there's a door to the outside behind him. Even weirder, it's ajar. Did Emily put her bedroom furniture in the living room? Maybe she's supplementing her schoolteacher's salary, if you know what I mean. Roger and Emily jokingly bicker about life in the big city versus a small town, and Emily says, "This is it. When we're married, this is where we live." Roger asks if she's sure, and then vanishes as he walks across the room. Emily freaks out, shouting Roger's name, and then, of course, wakes up in her dark bedroom.
Richmond Ranch. It's still pitch black outside, as Team Ravenwood skulks around the yard, filling their Humvees from Stanley's gas tank. It still has gas? And instead of using it, they spent all that time getting fuel from the gas station? This episode is like one of those "What's wrong with this picture?" puzzles for kids -- so many scenes have at least one thing that makes no damn sense. Bonnie peers out through the curtains at all the lights. We hear a soldier gasp, "There's someone in the window!" Man, these guys have great eyesight. A moment later, Stanley walks outside, carrying a shotgun, and calls, "What the hell are you guys doing out there?" D.B. Sweeney starts to walk over, and explains that they didn't knock because it was so late. Mimi and Bonnie appear behind Stanley, but he tells them to go back in and lock the door. Stanley tells the soldiers that this is private property. D.B. Sweeney says, "I'll see to it you're reimbursed, Sir. We work for the Federal Government." Stanley gasps, "There's still a government! Wow, what great news! Please tell me what's going on out there, we haven't heard from anyone in weeks." No, of course not. Instead, he suspiciously asks what kind of work they're doing. D.B. Sweeney says that they're making sure people have medical supplies, water, and food. He adds that he's trying to locate a friend of his: "You know Eric Green?" Stanley shakes his head. I guess his Spider-sense is tingling again. With that, D.B. Sweeney thanks Stanley for the gas, and the soldiers prepare to leave.
Jake sits in the Greens' living room, clutching his shotgun, as dawn breaks. Eric walks in and tries to delve: "Jake, yesterday, when we talked about where you've been--" Jake interrupts, asking if Eric's dumped his wife yet. Eric awkwardly says that it didn't seem like the right time. "It's never gonna be," says Jake. Then there's a knock at the door, and Jake moves to defensive position as Eric goes to the door. Of course, it's just Stanley, Mimi, and Bonnie. Stanley mentions the soldiers who turned up at his place last night. And then apparently got lost somewhere in between the ranch and Jericho. Jake figures that it was Team Ravenwood, and Stanley asks what they want. Jake peers out through the window and grunts, "Everything." Hee.
Credit. The post of the week comes from ImprobableSage: "It's always a sign when I start rooting for the bad guys. Come on, Cesium-137!"
Sheriff's office. Do you think that it might be time to appoint a new sheriff? Although I guess that the choices are Good Cop and Bad Cop, so maybe that's why they haven't bothered. Jake is describing Ravenwood to the usual gang of idiots: "It's a private security firm. They hire thugs and Army dropouts, give 'em big guns, and send 'em out to play soldier." He explains that they were working for FEMA, adding, "Now they're in business for themselves." There's no actual evidence for that, but don't mind me. Eric chimes in: "They stripped the town of all their supplies, they killed police and civilians." What? When did they kill police? What are they talking about? Hawkins says that they should "fortify [their] borders at the most vulnerable points." Gray announces that he's already created checkpoints on a couple of the roads leading to Jericho. Eric's a little vexed by that. Jake says that Team Ravenwood will probably come in via the Tacoma bridge, and suggests blocking it. Stanley points out that he and thirty other families live on the other side of the bridge. Jake says that they'll all have to come into town, then. Stanley harrumphs, "You want me to abandon my farm?" Eric says that it'll just be till the soldiers go away, and tells the cops to start collecting ammo from the townsfolk. Gray says that he's got explosives, which is a strange thing to mention at this point, when they're just planning to block the bridge, not blow it up. Unless he thinks the large boxes of explosives would be a good material for a barricade. I wouldn't put that past these people.
Green house. Dad's sleeping in bed as Mom runs into April on the stairs. April says that Dad's doing better, and Mom offers her some mashed black-eyed peas to celebrate. April turns down the gross breakfast, and then asks where Eric is so that she can tell him he's going to be a father. Mom says that the boys were gone when she got up, but urges April to share the news as soon as possible because Mom is evil and wants to take pleasure from April's inevitable pain. But then, so do I.
The bridge. The ground nearby slopes down gently to the peaceful waters of the river. Seriously, if you can't wade across that thing, you can certainly swim it. I guess Heather remembered to tell other people that older cars will still work, because some extra drives up in an old pick-up, chauffeuring Good Cop to his conference with Jake. Jake tells Good Cop to go to a farm nearby that has a couple of dead trucks. Good Cop's supposed to tow them back for use as a barricade. As Good Cop rides away, Hawkins asks Jake, "This isn't your first run-in with Ravenwood, is it?" Jake looks pained and asks, "Why?" Hawkins sniffs, "You saw them on your road trip, all of a sudden they're headed for Jericho." Ah, so Jake left out the part about firing upon Ravenwood with no provocation. Good thinking. Jake huffs that his family lives in Jericho. Hawkins gets in his face to say, "So does mine!" Jake says that he's trying to protect them. "Same here!" Hawkins replies. Jake winds things up: "Then let's stop screwing around and get it done." Jake has a real problem answering questions, doesn't he? Aw, maybe he's related to Drogan! With a final glare, Jake marches back toward his car.
Emily holds her wedding gown up in front of her and stares at her reflection. Idaho sings "For Granted" as there's a knock at the door, and then Heather enters. She presents Emily with some wildflowers, saying, "They're the closest I could find to a wedding bouquet." Emily takes them mopily. Heather says that she wanted to do something to "acknowledge the day," and mentions that she was going to be Maid of Honor. Heather asks whether Emily has plans, and Emily sniffs, "Besides not getting married?" I don't think you need to be passive-aggressive about it when Heather already brought it up, Emily. Heather says that she's planned activities to keep Emily occupied, starting with a hike along the river.
At the bridge, it looks like the townsfolk are excited about having something to do. Guys are shoving a station wagon into place to block the road, and have one truck turned on its side. As Hawkins orders the troops around, Jake says, "This isn't your first run-in with these guys, either, is it?" Because Hawkins is suspect for doing exactly what they talked about. I don't know. Hawkins, naturally, responds with a question of his own: "Would you even know when you were in over your head?" Heh. Jake doesn't answer. Which is probably wise, because if he'd said, "No," Hawkins might have dumped him into the river. Not that he'd be over his head in there, either.
Casa Green. April discovers Eric gathering some supplies. She announces that she has to tell him something, and Eric sighs wearily and puts his bags down for a second. April explains that she drew up the divorce papers because she couldn't see a future for the two of them. Taking his hand, she adds, "But now I can." Eric looks into the distance and replies, "I can't." Ha! He says that he doesn't want to hurt her, and then of course there's the "but": "I'm in love with someone else." April attempts to wrinkle her brow up in astonishment, and given the results, I suspect she may be another victim of Botox. Or that could be a side effect of the brainslugs. "Who?" she finally asks. He says that it's Mary Bailey, and then tries to stammer out an apology. April interrupts to call him a son of a bitch, and then runs upstairs. Oh, April. You really shouldn't talk about Mom like that.
Bridge. The guys who were preparing to shove another car from one end of the bridge start shouting and racing back to the barricade. If they could tow these cars all the way to the bridge, why didn't they bring them a hundred yards further? Or did they push them the whole way? A better question is, why do I bother trying to understand this show? Behind them, Ravenwood's Humvees of Doom are approaching. Everyone takes cover behind the cars, and Hawkins shouts orders as the Humvees stop. Jake tries to take charge, calling, "Nobody fires until I say so!" Hawkins reminds everyone, "The most important thing to do before squeezing the trigger is to breathe." I don't doubt that these people need reminders to breathe, but I'm pretty sure he really means "exhale." Because I understand there's a tendency to hold one's breath before firing. Of course, these guys are presumably used to shooting guns because they're farmers and possibly hunters as well. D.B. Sweeney and three musclebound soldiers get out of the Humvees and stare at the barricade inquisitively. "Somebody here wanna talk to me?" D.B. Sweeney asks. Nobody does. D.B. Sweeney says that the road needs to be cleared: "We're under government orders to collect supplies." Good Cop reminds the guy he's standing to, "Breathe." Instead, the guy pulls the trigger. And then he looks around rapidly like he's thinking, "Uh oh! Wait, maybe nobody noticed." Team Ravenwood did notice, though, and immediately returns fire. The townsfolk duck as the cars are filled with lead. After a moment, D.B. Sweeney tells his troops to hold their fire. He repeats that they're under orders to collect supplies, and this time he adds, "Your cooperation is mandatory!" Jake reacts to that by saying "Damn!" and making a frustrated face. Johanna says it looks like he's thinking, "Curses, not 'mandatory'! If it were just 'requested,' we'd have a fighting chance." D.B. Sweeney says that he's going to go away for four hours, and that when he returns, the bridge had better be clear. Then he and his men get back into their Humvees and drive away. The monsters! As they leave, a shaken Gray says that they can't possibly hold the bridge. Jake says, "We're gonna have to take it out." Hawkins agrees, but Gray's a little slow on the uptake, so Jake explains, "There can't be a bridge." Are they going to unwish it?
Sheriff's office. Bad Cop hauls in a box, claiming that he "struck gold" with Mr. Adams. Eric's surprised that Adams gave up all his ammo, but Bad Cop explains, "He kept plenty. The guy's rec room looks like the basement of the Alamo." That's reassuring. As Bad Cop stows the ammo in the gun locker, Jake hurries in with Hawkins and Gray, gasping, "We need to talk." Eric snaps, "Look, I told April, okay? Will you stop nagging me about it now?" Not really.
Instead, we cut to Dad's office, where Eric's reaction to the "'splode the bridge" plan is: "No way." Good man. Jake yammers that if they blow the bridge, Team Ravenwood can't "overrun the town." There are, what, six of these guys? Can six people actually overrun a town of 5,000? Eric asks why Team Ravenwood won't just come to Jericho a different way. Gray says that if they take another route, they'll have to go through Newburn -- "or some other town. Better them than us!" Nice. I tell Johanna, "Oh, see, they're not on an island after all. They're on an isthmus. Maybe Jericho is in the famous Kansas panhandle. So it all makes total sense." Hawkins says that diverting Ravenwood will give them time to plan defenses for the other routes to Jericho. I wonder if they're aware that Humvees can go off-roading. Eric is aghast, and point out that people live on the other side of the bridge, and that those people have farms with food they'll need. Gray harrumphs, "There are farms closer to town." Eric says, "Jake, that means cutting off Stanley!" Jake says that Stanley will have to move into town. Eric goes on insisting that they need to find another solution, and suggests putting more men at the barricade. Jake says, "Send more men out there, you're gonna get more men killed." Eric tells Bad Cop to lock up the explosives. He tells Jake and Gray, "Nothing happens to that bridge. We can face them with whatever we can muster," and marches out.
Heather pulls up in front of Gracie's, Emily riding shotgun. Heather says that she's going to pick up trail mix, or something approximating it. As she gets out, she gives Emily all sorts of instructions about how to keep the car running. Among other things, she cheerily says that if the temperature gauge goes into the red, "[Emily's] got about two seconds before it's about to explode." Emily nervously asks why she can't do the shopping while Heather deals with the car. Heather chuckles, "No, I don't want you to go through the trouble." Okay, Heather is trying to kill Emily, right? Awesome. Johanna wants to know why they're bothering with the car at all, since they both live in town. Not to mention the fact that they're planning to go on a hike. Oh, my head. As Emily gets settled in the driver's seat, a church bell bongs. Uh oh, she's having another episode.
Emily looks in the side mirror and sees people walking into the church in their fancy duds. I hope they're all being careful to dodge the puddles on the ever-drenched streets. Then Heather, in a bright red dress, is at the window of the SUV Emily is now sitting in. She tells Emily to hurry up, and Emily steps out to reveal her wedding gown. As Heather leads her toward the church, Emily spots Mom and Dad walking past. Emily hesitates, and as Heather calls her name, a truck moves down the street, honking.
As the truck passes, we come out of Emily's delusion. Heather rushes to the car and tells Emily to turn off the engine. Emily does, apologizing that there was a truck, and "guys with guns." She slides over as Heather gets back in and tells her, "We're not hiking today." She says that everyone's supposed to stay inside because "something's going on outside of town." Emily is ready to go home, but Heather's perkiness cannot be suppressed that easily. She says that they'll go directly to "phase two."
Further down the street, Good Cop tells Hawkins that he found a couple of flare guns. Hawkins suggests posting a couple of men further up the road; they can fire the flares when Ravenwood is headed back. And then those guys can get cut off and left to fend for themselves when the bridge goes boom. So I guess they'll want people that aren't very popular. Hawkins tells Gray, "I'm gonna round up as much diesel and fertilizer as I can, and I'll meet you back at the bridge," and strides off. Jake wanders up and confirms that they're going to blow up the bridge despite Eric's protests. Then he heads out to warn the people who live across the bridge that they're screwed.
Heather and Emily arrive at Bailey's. Which is empty, except for Mary. How times change. Heather takes some keys from Mary and vanishes, and Emily nervously asks what exactly the plan is. Mary pulls a bottle out from under the bar and explains, "This may be the last bottle of single-malt Scotch [that] Kansas sees in a long time." She adds that if Emily opens it, they can't leave until it's gone. So Heather's trying to give Emily alcohol poisoning. I wonder if eventually it will be revealed that in addition to making ice, Heather spent a lot of time in the last episode getting some homicide tips from Mom. Emily confirms that the plan is to "get obliterated." "Works for me," someone says, and we finally discover that there is one customer in the bar after all: Dr. Kenchy. Mary explains that Kenchy turned up that morning: "I felt bad for him -- sounds like he's had a rough couple of weeks." There's an awkward moment, and then Kenchy lifts his glass and says, "Ladies." Emily and Heather wave at him. Then Emily opens the bottle, and Kenchy thinks, "I am so getting lucky tonight."
Someone steers a rowboat through the non-raging non-rapids of the river under the bridge. Johanna guesses that this is the only boat in Kansas, since otherwise the river isn't much of a barrier to Team Ravenwood. I continue to maintain that they don't even need a boat to get across. Good Cop fastens a few sticks of dynamite to what is presumably a barrel of Hawkins's homemade explosives. I hope somebody checked inside the barrel -- it'd be just like Hawkins to load it with confetti. Or possibly Samuel.
Richmond Ranch. Out in the front yard, Jake tells Stanley, Mimi, and Bonnie that another family will be by in an hour to give them a ride. So Stanley's truck doesn't work anymore. But he managed to get to town and back home before Team Ravenwood showed up. Maybe the roads in Kansas go in, like, spirals or something, so walking cross-country is actually faster. God forbid somebody actually ride one of those horses Mitchell stole. Stanley tells Bonnie to go pack a bag, but she refuses. Stanley signs that she's going when the car shows up, and Bonnie runs off. Mimi asks, "What about you?" Stanley explains that he's staying: "I'll hold them off; I did it before." And he only had to ask. Maybe they should send Stanley out to parley with D.B. Sweeney: "I know it's mandatory and all, but could you go away?" Jake shoves Stanley's shoulder and says, "It's not gonna be a couple of guys this time!" It's gonna be six! He asks whether Stanley wants to join the pile of corpses in Rogue River. Mimi joins in, saying, "Please don't get yourself killed for a house." Stanley huffs that his grandfather built the house, and Mimi's room used to be his father's bedroom, and his great-uncle built the handy interdimensional portal that leads directly to town. Jake blusters that when the bridge is gone, Stanley will be on his own. Unless he can swim. Stanley grrs, "So go warn people. You're wasting time here."
An hour passes during the commercials, so when we come back, a car is honking in front of the Richmond Ranch. Inside, Bonnie says that she's not leaving: "This is my home, too!" She says that she and Stanley will be okay if they stay together. Mimi descends the stairs, and Bonnie rolls her eyes and stomps into the kitchen. Mimi lectures Stanley, "You're risking her life, and yours." As they argue, they pass by an open door off the living room that leads to a bathroom with a big window over the tub. Hey, remember when Emily went to the upstairs bathroom so that she could make a daring escape that required her to jump to the ground from the second story? That seems a little strange in retrospect. Stanley says, "This house is her only connection to a mother and father she barely even remembers." Mimi sniffs, "I thought you were that connection." The car outside honks again before Stanley can say, "I know you are, but what am I?" Mimi wishes Stanley luck, and heads out to catch her ride.
Heather pours herself a much larger shot of Scotch than she's given Emily, and they both throw their drinks back. They're all giggly and wobbly now. Heather wanders over to Kenchy and says, "Keep my friend company till I get back, and there's a shot in it for you." Kenchy is happy to oblige, and moves closer as Emily pours him a drink. He asks Emily if it's her birthday, and she says no. "To privacy then," Kenchy says, which is a nicer way of saying, "Whatever," and they drink. She finally gets around to asking what it's like outside Jericho. Kenchy says, "Poverty, murder, disease. So Kansas is pretty much the same as always." He apologizes for being a downer, and says he's drunk and hasn't slept in weeks. "Me too," Emily sighs, which is a lie, because I'm pretty sure she was asleep when she was having that dream in the teaser.
Eric enters the Sheriff's office just in time to hear Bad Cop telling Gray that "the last box just went out on the truck." Eric is Not Pleased. He checks out the empty gun locker, while Gray explains that they've all agreed to blow up the bridge. When Eric presses for names, Gray says, "Robert Hawkins, the deputies, and your brother." D'oh.
Casa Green. Eric marches in and is headed for the stairs when Mom catches him. She growls, "April told me." Eric starts to explain, but Mom's having none of it: "You're the one who chose not to work on your marriage! You're the one who chose to cheat on your wife!" Eric whimpers that he was trying to do the right thing. They're interrupted when Dad appears on the stairs in his robe, asking what's going on. Eric explains that Team Ravenwood is on the way, and that he thinks they can hold the bridge, but other people want to blow it up. Dad figures that this has to be Gray's idea. Eric nods, and I know he wasn't there when it happened, but it was actually Jake's idea. Dad tells Eric, "Get your brother and stop 'em." Which gives Eric a good excuse to mention that Jake's down with the plan. Dad takes that in and finally says, "Then you stop 'em. Whatever it takes, you stop 'em." Eric murmurs uncertainly, and Dad repeats, "Whatever. It. Takes." What if it takes Eric shooting everyone? I mean, I don't think that should be the first step, but you need to be careful when you say "Whatever it takes."
Below the bridge, guys in the rowboat are still strapping barrels to the support pillars.
Up on top, Gray's shouting encouragement as a small crowd of refugees hurries across the bridge toward town. Eric walks up to some dude and asks to borrow the guy's truck. The guy hands over his keys while Gray bellows in the background.
Back underneath the bridge, Hawkins reminds Good Cop not to cross the streams. Okay, wires. Spoil my fun. Then he tosses up a long length of wire to Jake, who's up on the bridge.
Jake is handing the wires to someone else when he notices Eric marching past. Eric says, "Dad wants this stopped." Jake says that Dad doesn't know all of the facts, but Eric says that it's still Dad's decision. Jake swats at Eric's arm, and I wish he'd stop batting at people like that. Or that someone would punch him when he does. As Eric gets into the truck he's borrowing, Jake asks what he's doing. "I'm putting an end to this," Eric grunts. Jake argues some more, but Eric just glares at him and drives off as the soundtrack shrieks with all the drama.
During the commercials, I tell Johanna that maybe Eric's going to go turn himself in to Ravenwood or something like that. Johanna says, "And then D.B. Sweeney could say, 'Hey, we've been looking for you. You left your wallet in Rogue River. Here you go.' And that would be the end of it." Then one of us adds that maybe they'd give him a ticket for driving around without his license. Johanna's definitely the one who suggests that it would wind up being a $5 fine. We also talk about how Eric should just go get Jonah. And then it would turn out that Jonah already knows Team Ravenwood, like he and D.B. Sweeney are old poker buddies or something. And Jonah could explain that the people of Jericho are insane and that it's best just to leave them alone. So that's why what winds up happening is so funny.
When we return, a flare goes up in the distance. Jake starts shouting that Team Ravenwood is coming. He is so panicky. Everyone scrambles around with cables and wires as Jake rushes up to tell Gray that Eric drove away. Gray responds by saying, "There's no time, Jake!" And then Jake looks astonished. I think maybe some dialogue about waiting for Eric to come back got cut. Although I probably shouldn't assume that, just because their conversation doesn't make sense, it wasn't scripted exactly this way. Jake tells Gray to get everyone clear of the bridge, exchanges a knowing nod with Hawkins, and then starts playing with the wires as everyone scampers off.
Bailey's. Heather and Mary are playing darts now. So they're drunk, and they're throwing pointy objects around. Well, at least there's a doctor right there. In fact, Kenchy is putting the moves on Emily, telling her his saga of woe. He'd just moved to the U.S. and opened a medical practice in Las Vegas when the bombs went off. He enthuses about Vegas, and then admits, "It's not quite so wonderful without water and electricity." Yeah, that would impede the wonderfulness a tad. Post-nuke, Kenchy "threw [himself] at the Red Cross to get out." And for his sins, they sent him to Kansas. Poor man. He says, "I really should be sitting by a pool, surrounded by women. Redheads, preferably." Johanna and I both say, "Hey!" Then he looks at Emily and says, "Blondes, too!" like she might have taken offense. When he pauses to sip his drink, Emily announces that she was supposed to get married today. She points over at a booth and says that she would have been right there, having a drink.
And then we're in Emily's nightmare world again. Emily asks Mary to put "Polyester Bride" on the jukebox for the Nth time. I had assumed that this was the reception, but then Emily burbles that she'll be "Emily Hammond" in half an hour. So this is the pre-wedding party. All righty. Mary mentions that she can't leave the bar because it's so busy, and asks Heather to hold a phone up during the ceremony so that she can listen in. Even when they had TV, these people were starved for entertainment. Mary tells Stanley to go get dressed for the ceremony, but he's busy watching a football game. Then she takes a tray of champagne over to Emily's booth, and Heather proposes a toast, and also makes some bitchy comments about how safe and predictable Roger is. She winds up by saying, "To Emily and Roger: May they live happily together in eternal blandness." Heh. They all clink glasses and as Emily's latest vision fades away, I suddenly realize that she's this show's Baltar. Only she's not nearly as funny.
As Emily turns back to the bar to mull over her psychological problems, Kenchy offers a toast of his own: "To the future. Rest in peace." Heather's toast was funnier.
As Ravenwood's Humvees approach -- this time with a supply truck -- Jake feverishly finishes connecting wires. As the vehicles pull to a stop, Jake stands up and spreads his arms out to establish his messiah complex. And because he's holding a dead man's switch in his right hand. D.B. Sweeney gets out of the truck.
Down at the far end of the bridge, Good Cop asks what Jake is doing. "He's making a stand," Hawkins replies. So, when Gray was telling everyone to get as far back as they could because of the impending explosion, he just meant for them to get behind the barricade of cars. Which is on the bridge.
As D.B. Sweeney ambles over, Jake announces that the bridge is set to go boom: "Turn your trucks around or I blow it." D.B. Sweeney looks tired, and shouts, "We're on government orders to collect food and medicine for a refugee camp near the Rogue River." Jake sneeringly asks if they had orders to shoot everyone at the hospital. D.B. Sweeney admits, "It's been a crazy few weeks." He says that they'll just take what they need and move on. Jake shakes his head. I must interrupt to give props to Ed Brock, who emailed to point out that D.B. Sweeney appears to have dressed up as an old-school Klingon. He's got the yellow vest over a long-sleeved black shirt, and the goatee of evil, and dude, it's uncanny. If Jake were a little more observant, he'd have realized that they could scare these guys off with tribbles. One of the soldiers suddenly appears from under the tarp on the supply truck, and targets Jake with his laser sight. We even get a sniper's-eye view of Jake as he looks down at the red dot on his chest, and then looks up, and that's when I start laughing. Again. Jake dares them to go ahead and shoot him, and the camera focuses on the switch he's holding. D.B. Sweeney starts laughing, and I can't blame him. He says that Jake isn't going to blow up the bridge. Then he repeats his request that they all get out of the way, let Ravenwood pick up some supplies, and then he'll leave "and never come back": "Nobody has to die."
And then there's a silenced gunshot. The soldiers look around and discover that their sniper is dead. We cut to Hawkins, who seems to be up in a tree, as he reloads and takes aim at D.B. Sweeney. Dude, I think Hawkins just killed the only other black man in Kansas. That's not cool. D.B. Sweeney looks down at the red laser light on his own chest, and then signals to his men. They all rush forward from behind their trucks and take aim at...well, everyone. Oh, wait, there's way more than six soldiers. It looks like there might actually be ten of them. So yeah, they could totally overrun the town, then. D.B. Sweeney finally starts looking a bit vexed after having one of his men shot, and says, "You're gonna need a lot more snipers, pal. That's why I had all of my men move forward, so that they'd be better targets." He leaves out that last part. After giving the soundtrack a few seconds to build tension, one of the soldiers shouts that someone's coming. Team Ravenwood turns and moves back behind their cars as Eric's borrowed pick-up returns with two other cars. And guess what? It is Jonah! Ha! He, and Eric, and about a dozen other guys pile out of the cars and take aim at Team Ravenwood. D.B. Sweeney turns back toward Jake, who snickers, "What's this town worth to you?" D.B. Sweeney speechifies that, soon, things will get back to normal: "The government will put itself back together, and they'll be looking to help all of you get back on your feet. And you know who they're gonna send? Me." He doesn't add, "And I will bring you supplies, and then you'll feel pretty bad about what jerks y'all were," but I'm pretty sure that's where he was going. With that, D.B. Sweeney and his men get back into their vehicles and drive away. Jake continues standing nervously with his arms spread, like his trainer didn't give him the signal for "at ease" yet.
After the ads, Jonah strolls over and says, "time you wanna destroy my route into town, I'd appreciate a heads-up." Jake and the rest of of the gang just stare at him numbly, and after a moment, Jonah drily adds, "You're welcome. [beat] Really, don't mention it." And then he and his flunkies turn back to their cars. Jonah is so awesome. He should go after those Ravenwood guys and team up with D.B. Sweeney. And then it gets even more wonderful, because Jonah turns back and suggests that the townsfolk should figure out how to take care of themselves: "If Eric hadn't come to get me, you'd all be burying Jake in a shoebox tomorrow." It's the "shoebox" part that makes it fantastic. Eric looks at Jake like, "Well, you are kind of short, bro." Then Jonah and Co. really and truly leave. Eric walks off toward town, and Jake swats at Eric's arm as he passes. Dude, knock it off with that! Hawkins walks up to Jake, and they look at each other dopily. I think their little hearts were set on blowing up the bridge.
Bailey's. Mary and Heather are still playing darts while Emily broods. I think Kenchy has given the whole party up as a bad job and gone off in search of the redheads at the Green house. Emily is in the gigantic bathroom when she looks up at Roger's apparition. He asks, "Is this how it's going to be? Lonely days, drunken nights?" I think it's actually the opposite, since it's still daylight outside. He also mentions "disturbing visions of a dead fiancée." Emily hesitantly asks Roger if he's dead. Roger asks if that would make it easier, and Emily stammers some more and finally says, "I should have been on the plane with you." Roger asks why she was so determined to stay in Jericho. Emily doesn't know, but I'm guessing it's the brainslugs. Roger leans in closely to her and whispers, "I think you do." Then the vision ends as Heather barges in to ask Emily if she's okay.
Sheriff's office. Oh, and maybe it is night now, after all. Or maybe the townsfolk just prefer to argue indoors. Gray asks what they'll do if Team Ravenwood comes back. Remember how they were only going to blow up the bridge because they had no time to come up with a better idea? Yeah, well apparently the writers didn't. Eric says that they have sentries posted, and Jake adds, "If it comes to it, the bridge is still wired." They left all those explosives just sitting on what is, apparently, a heavily traveled bridge? That's fabulous. Gray thinks that they should just blow up the bridge now, and all the extras yammer supportively. "You're not calling the shots, Gray," Dad proclaims from the door. Yay, Dad. He marches in, and everyone falls silent. Gray says that he's glad to see Dad upright, and calls him "Johnston." Dad sniffs, "'Mayor,'" and walks to the front of the room before demanding to know whom they all think is in charge of the town. Gray explains, "We thought we'd try mob rule for a while." Dad lectures them that if they were attacked from the west, they'd need to retreat across the bridge: "Help is on the other side of that bridge. Our people -- the whole world -- is on the other side of that bridge!" An extra somewhere mutters, "He's got a point," which gives me another giggle-fit. Dad concludes, "If we destroy that bridge, we've already lost." Gray huffs that everyone there, including Jake, wants to blow the bridge. Although it didn't sound like Jake wanted to blow it up in this scene. Before Eric can point out that he exists, Stanley says, "Not everyone." He asks them to let him know if they come up with a real plan, and exits, followed by Bonnie and, after a moment, Mimi. Jake starts to speak up, and Dad interrupts, "You -- hold your tongue." Hee. I don't think Jake is ever going to earn enough prodigal-son points to get that baseball cap he's had his eye on. Dad says that he's the only one there who was elected, and that he's not down with blowing up the bridge. Gray says that maybe it's time for a recall election, or something like that, so Dad and Eric give him a good glaring.
Outside, Mimi calls after Stanley. Bonnie looks at Mimi and then tells her brother, "No! She can't." After Stanley stares at her blankly, Bonnie calls him an idiot and walks away. That was a little odd. I understand if Bonnie doesn't like having Mimi around, but I don't know why it's up for debate now. Unless Mimi found somewhere else to stay in the past six hours. When Mimi walks up, Stanley brightly tells Mimi, "She said it's fine with her!" Mimi's skeptical.
After the easily-riled mob has departed, Jake knocks on Dad's office door. Mom stiffly leaves as Jake enters, saying, "I kinda put you in a bad position, huh?" Dad says that Gray was using Jake. Jake whimpers about how scary Ravenwood was, and then says that he doesn't want to fight: "We need a security force. A real one -- trained." Well, if you hadn't chased off D.B. Sweeney, I'll bet you could have had one. Or there's Jonah's gang. Dad ponders that for a moment, and then reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a U.S. Ranger handbook. As he hands the book to Jake, he explains, "This belonged to your grandfather. He had it on him when he landed at [sic] D-Day." Dad says that manual, and his training, got Grampa Green from Omaha Beach to Germany. Jake says that he remembers the story, and Dad says, "Make sure you do it right." Johanna asks if Dad is telling Jake to go invade Europe. God, I hope so.
Mom runs into Eric out on the sidewalk. Eric announces that he's staying elsewhere, adding that he'll pick up his stuff from the house tomorrow. Mom's silent. Eric finally says, "Mom, April --" Mom dreamily says, "--Will have a home with us for as long as she wants one." Mom's going to a scary Angela Lansbury place. If "scary" and "Angela Lansbury" aren't redundant. Eric nods, and walks away.
Emily is walking along Main Street, too, but then she stops at the non-denominational church and enters. Luckily for her, the empty church is well-lit with dozens of candles. I could sort of understand if they were votives, but they're not; they're huge pillar candles , and it's stunningly wasteful considering their situation. She sits in a pew.
Out at the bridge, Good Cop hands Hawkins a thermos as the two of them stand watch. Good Cop unconvincingly insists, "We did good today." You keep telling yourself that, bucko. Hawkins chuckles, "No, we just got lucky." I'm not sure that's true, either.
Back at the church, Jake enters and asks Emily if she's okay. She says that she is, and Jake explains, "I saw Heather. She's pretty wasted." Johanna wonders if Jake ran into Heather as she was preparing to drive home drunkenly in her death trap of a car. I say that as long as Heather wasn't running in the street, Jake wouldn't stop her. Anyway, Emily admits that she might be tipsy herself. Jake sits down and says, "I know what today is. Mom -- she still has the invitation on the fridge." He asks how Roger proposed, and Emily smirks, "Cristal and caviar." Jake says that beats "malt liquor in a video-store parking lot." Emily chuckles that they were teenagers then, and Jake says that at least they knew enough not to go through with it. After a pause, Emily asks Jake why he came back. Honey, he just wanted his inheritance. She says, "Why couldn't you just stayed [sic] away." Emily has a serious problem with tenses. Jake asks if that's what she wanted. She asks him what he said, and Jake moves in close, and then leans in like Roger did earlier, and hisses, "Are you sure that's what you wanted?" in a seriously creepy way. Emily's hallucinations are scarier than the nuclear apocalypse. Because that's what this is; Jake moves back, and then Emily's sitting in the pew again, alone in the church. Technical Advisor Stephen Granade didn't have any scientific notes on this episode, but he did comment, "I'm hoping that in a few episodes [Emily will] be Jericho's version of Miss Havisham. The clocks have already stopped, so she's halfway there."