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While the Green boys are off on their road trip, Heather and Emily kill time by trying to make ice. Eventually, they succeed, and then I guess they save Dad's life by cooling him off, but that part happens offscreen, because this show is completely insane. Also, Gray visits the Hawkins family and spends the day being weird with them until, after some scripted dramatics from Allison, Hawkins says that he's with the FBI. Gray is such a sucker. Hawkins claims that he came to town to investigate some suspicious goings-on in Jericho. Eric and Jake set out for the excitingly named Rogue River. They find that the town has been cleared out by FEMA. Except not, because at the hospital, they run into a wounded soldier, and a doctor. Jake bonds with the soldier, Payton, by identifying him as belonging to something called "Ravenwood," and then sharing his own tales of adventure as a subcontractor in Iraq. Payton says that he and his pals came in to help with the evacuation. When they got to the hospital, they "helped" by shooting anyone who was too sick to be moved. Payton takes Jake and Eric to meet the last remaining doctor, and then the Ravenwood team returns, led by D.B. Sweeney. Payton immediately starts shooting at them, and then there's a lot of running around, and Eric pretends to be a doctor to distract the bad guys. Eventually, the Greens, and the doctor, escape, while Payton stays behind to martyr himself. Yay? They return to Jericho with the drugs to save Dad, plus a new guy for Gray to question incompetently. It's like Christmas! But at the end of the show Eric realizes that he left his jacket behind in Rogue River. And in his jacket was his wallet, which he naturally took with him in case he needed to stop at an ATM. And in his wallet was his ID, so now the Ravenwood guys can track them down in Jericho and ask what the hell all that shooting was about. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Mom coordinated a massive terrorist attack, poisoned Dad, sent her sons off into zombie territory, and then distracted Gray from her evil deeds by suggesting he investigate Hawkins.
The increasingly questionable captions tell us that it's now one month after the bombs. Interesting. So apparently ten days passed in between "Walls of Jericho" and "Federal Response." We open where we left off last time, with Eric and Jake driving. They've reached the part of Kansas that is actually flat, and are zooming along a two-lane road. Well, that's where the car is. Then we cut to Jake and Eric sitting in the car and golly, it looks like someone's trying to revive rear-projection. Maybe it's greenscreen, but if so they've done a tremendous job of making it look like much crappier technology, so well done. Eric tells Jake to slow down, maybe because the lanes on the road just vanished. Or maybe because they're approaching a car that's crashed near what looks like an orchard. Jake says, "I'm not stopping 'til we get to Rogue River." As they pass, we're treated to a view of the wreckage of the overturned car. A woman's body is artfully draped to it. Eric moans that they can't leave her lying "in the middle of the road." Which she wasn't. Jake says that there was a second set of skid marks. I didn't even notice a first set. He says, "Someone forced her off the road, and probably robbed her and killed her. Johanna suggests that maybe Jake recognizes the tell-tale signs because this is something he used to do himself. Personally, I think it was just a giant Gila monster. Jake says that the miscreants could still be lurking nearby. Yo, Jake, look around. See all that nothing? Unless you think these Mad Max fans you're worried about hid their car in one of those trees, there's nobody around for miles. Jake concludes, "This is the world we live in now." And these are the giant, irradiated hands we're given.
Hawkins Homestead. Darcy opens her oven and reveals a cloud of smoke, and also a pie. Samuel, who's been let out of the basement for good behavior, boggles as Allison enters to gasp that "it worked." Darcy says, "Your father is a very smart man." Comparatively. There's a knock at the door, and Darcy goes to find Gray asking if Hawkins can come out and play.
Darcy pulls Hawkins out of his basement bunker and tells him that Gray and Good Cop want to talk to him.
Back on the highway, Eric announces that he's figured out their best route to the Rogue River hospital. Jake sniffs, "Put the map away; we're taking the back roads." They bicker about this, and I'm sorry, but I refuse to recap an argument about driving routes. Eric harrumphs, "You always think you know better." Jake responds by pulling a shotgun out of his lap and asking if it's loaded. Yikes, he's touchy. Eric says that it is, and fondles it a little too intensely for my taste. Finally he asks, "What are we gonna have to do?" Jake says -- and this line was in a radio ad I heard last week, and it cracked me up -- "I don't know, but when it comes time to do it..." Eric says, "I'll be ready." Awesome.
Credit. Tee hee. It's the intensity with which he says, "I don't know," that gets me.
Back to the worst road trip ever. After a long pause, Jake says, "You haven't said anything for miles. Stay sharp." Eric does not say, "You haven't said anything either! And whenever I do say something, you yell at me!" He should have, though. Instead, Eric asks, "What happened to you, Jake?" He asks where Jake was for the past five years, adding, "I'm assuming jail." Jake smirks at the camera in response. They should turn it into a game of twenty questions; that's always fun on a long drive. Jake asks why it matters, which...if it doesn't matter, why don't you just tell him? God. Eric monologues that, while Jake was gone, every time the phone rang his parents thought it might be Jake. He says, "I used to hate calling the house, because we sound the same on the phone." Jake apologizes insincerely, but then adds, "Don't use me as an excuse for not getting on with your life." Eric is understandably confused, and Jake adds, "You wouldn't be the first guy to leave his wife." From an ADR booth, he adds that he's not telling Eric to leave April, although it sure sounds like he is. Eric tells Jake not to worry about him.
Hawkins Homestead. Hawkins and Gray, are sitting in the living room, while Good Cop stands around awkwardly. Gray explains that, in Topeka, people thought the attacks were the start of an invasion, which led them to wonder how the baddies got bombs into the country. Hawkins quickly notes that the baddies must have had "help on the inside." Or, y'know, maybe the baddies were home-grown, and so were the bombs. Gray mentions that Hawkins arrived in Jericho right before the bombs, and paid for the house in cash. "On a cop's salary," he adds. Hawkins looks smug, as usual, and Gray explains that the townsfolk are just a little bit curious about newcomers. Hawkins sits up and asks, "Do you really think I was the mastermind behind the largest terrorist attack in the history of the world?" Gray, slightly amused, asks, "Were you?" They stare at each other for a moment, and then they both start laughing. Gray wonders if he could ask the rest of the Hawkins clan a few questions. Hawkins laughs again, and says, "When I was a cop, that is just the kind of thing that I would say during an interrogation." Really? He'd ask a suspect in interrogation for permission to speak to the suspect's family? I see. Gray says that it's "purely informational." What else would it be? Hawkins sneers, "I would have said that, too." And then he stands up and says that Darcy's been wanting to meet the neighbors, and Gray smiles, and I think this show was written by the ghost of Salvador Dali.
Casa Green. April and Mom look at Dad, who's in bed. Mom asks how long Dad can last, and April repeats her "maybe twelve hours" spiel from last week's episode. Mom says, "I've been married to that man for a long time. And now, I'm almost free!"
Downstairs, Emily answers a knock at the door and finds Heather standing there with a bag of groceries. Which she probably got in exchange for a Hummel figurine. They chat about food, and Emily mentions, "The only food I have left is the stuff from the food drive." The food drive? I don't know. Mom enters, and Heather offers her sympathies about Dad's condition. Mom just kinda nods and says, "Mm," because she's busy planning the stage of her evil plan. Then she remembers that she's pretending to be sad about her husband, and frets that they can't even get ice to cool him down. Heather gets That Look, and says that one of her students did a science project about making ice. She says she needs water and fertilizer. Heather tells Mom to get bowls, and asks Emily to get some fresh water from the well. They sort of shrug like, "Oh, she's snapped again, I guess we should humor her."
Johanna exclaims, "Wow, I hope the whole show is about them making ice; that sounds exciting!" I'm looking forward to Gray knocking on Heather's door week, to ask her about how she knows how to perform chemistry experiments with fertilizer. Technical Advisor Stephen Granade chimes in to explain: "When ammonium nitrate dissolves in water, it's an endothermic reaction: it absorbs heat. They make cheap instant ice packs out of water and ammonium nitrate. You can get ammonium nitrate from fertilizer -- good for explosives and for saving Major Dad!"
Cut to the Green boys finally reaching Rogue River. The streets are deserted, and also damp. Apparently the wet asphalt problem isn't limited to Jericho. Jake stops the car, and he and Eric get out and look around. Suddenly, the music kicks in with a dramatic thunk. Because, hey, did you notice that the streets are deserted? Eric asks, "Where is everybody?" Jake says they should get to the hospital, so they get back in the car and drive away again. Maybe Jake had a leg cramp and had to stop the car anyway.
Jake's sense of urgency comes and goes, since, on their way to the hospital, they've gone from the main drag they were on to some side-street lined with homes. Jake stops and points out the markings on the door of one house. He says that they were evacuated on October 25th, which was a month after the bombs. A moment later, he also says the evacuation was a week ago, which fits with Halloween happening in the last episode. The only problem is that the captions said it's a month after the bombs now. Are the captions rounding? God, this show. Anyway, Jake then teaches Eric that the markings mean that FEMA found two dead people in the house. And then they drive on, so that Jake can continue their lazy afternoon tour of Rogue River.
Jake and Eric finally reach "Fillmore County Hospital." Which inspires me to tell Johanna that Fillmore was the name of my friend Niels's hamster, and about the touching poem I wrote for the wake when it died. Jake reminds Eric that they're going to get the medicine and then leave. Eric says, "Okay," rather than, "Dude, I know." He has more patience than I do. So naturally, they get out of the car, and then Jake casually straightens his jacket collar while Eric picks up some litter. Guys? Hello? Your Dad's dying? Remember that whole urgency thing? As they amble toward the entrance, Eric reads the notice that he's picked up, which says that Rogue River's water was contaminated by fallout. Then they stop walking, and Eric says, "I guess that explains why this place is empty." And then the director finally opens fire on them to get them to hurry up, for Christ sakes. They yipe and race over to take cover by a wall, and Eric remembers, "We gotta get inside! That's where the plot is!" They scamper for the doors to the emergency room.
Inside, it's, well, dark. The hallway is cluttered with equipment as the Greens duck around corners with their shotguns raised. Jake says the shots came from the top floor, and adds, "If they have any Cipro, it's probably upstairs." As they edge down the hall, Eric trips and falls, but does manage to avoid blowing his own face off with the shotgun, so props for that. He lands a foot away from a corpse. While he boggles at it, the camera pulls back to reveal that the hallway contains quite a few bodies.
After the ads, Jake finds a shell from an automatic weapon. Eric says, "I didn't know Rogue River had a SWAT team." Jake says "These guys aren't cops; they're government contractors." As he searches one of the bodies, he says they're from a firm called Ravenwood. I want Eric to ask how Jake knows this, and then Jake can say, "How do you not?" Instead, Jake expositions about mercenaries a little, and then Eric suggests, "Let's just get the drugs and go." There's an idea.
Hawkins Homestead. Gray impatiently eyes a slice of pie while Good Cop admires the stove. Hawkins confirms that they've been using it by burning wood in the broiler. Gray interrupts to ask Allison where Samuel is. Allison says, "How should I know? I'm here with you." As Darcy warns Allison to mind her manners, I try to figure out why Gray cares. Maybe he's working up a theory where the rest of the Hawkins family are all Samuel's unknowing pawns. Allison stomps out, and Hawkins excuses himself to go after her, while Gray casually asks Darcy why they decided to move to Jericho.
In the living room, Hawkins catches up with Allison and says he needs her to do something for him. Cut to Allison cracking a light stick down in the basement and then staring around the room.
Casa Green. Heather has covered the table with bowls and is explaining how the fertilizer will cool the water. Emily asks how long it'll take, and Heather says, "I think a while." Brilliant. Mom passes through and then heads upstairs. Emily tells Heather, "She's been up for twenty-four hours. They've been married for forty years." Heather smirks inappropriately and chuckles, "Can you imagine?" Emily makes an awkward face and says, "I'm supposed to be married tomorrow." Cheer up, Emily: maybe Heather can make you a new fiancé out of tin cans and string! Heather assures Emily that Roger will return from whatever cornfield maze he's trapped in. Emily says that Jake will be back, too. I ask Johanna if this is going to be like that episode of Little House On The Prairie when Almanzo had a fever and they wound up pouring ice all over him or something, and I was a little bit traumatized because it looked so painful. Johanna warns me that it might be like that. Turns out, not so much.
At the hospital, Eric and Jake are slowly making their way up the stairs. Jake pauses to give Eric the car keys, and tells him, "If something happens to me, get in the car and go." Eric harrumphs, "Nothing is gonna happen to you! Nothing ever does." Ha! And that's when the grenade lands on the floor to them. They race back down the stairs as it goes boom.
Hawkins Homestead. It turns out that Samuel is coloring while Allison gives him a last drill in their cover story. Samuel complains that he wants dinner. Allison tells him that he should tell Gray and Good Cop that he's hungry. Then Hawkins, Gray, and Good Cop stroll in. Samuel explains that he's drawing a picture of their old home, and Gray asks where that was. Samuel looks at Allison and says, "I'm hungry." Good Cop cheerily says that maybe Darcy will give Samuel some pie when they're done chatting. "I want it now!" Samuel snaps. Hee. Gray gives it another try, but Samuel interrupts and repeats that he's hungry. Hawkins mildly says that Samuel gets cranky when he's hungry, and Gray allows Samuel to go to the kitchen. Allison starts to go with her brother, but Gray asks if he can speak to her instead. Hawkins leaves with Samuel, and Gray looks a little too creepily happy about sitting down for a chat with the pretty teenage girl.
Hospital. At the bottom of the stairwell, Eric complains that his ears are ringing. Jake says that it'll pass soon. Then we hear a man call, "You, down there! Freeze! Drop your weapons!" Jake replies, "No." He adds that they need some medicine for an emergency, and offers to trade some food for it. The man nervously insists, "We have everything we need -- go away!" Jake starts to move up the stairs, but Eric pulls him back for some arguing. Jake insists that the guy's just scared. Eric mentions the grenade, but Jake says, "It was a flashbang, not a grenade. It's just loud and bright to scare us." I understand his point, but flashbangs are still grenades. Anyway, Jake declares, "If he wanted to kill us, he would have." With that, he steps out into the stairwell and announces that they're putting their weapons down and coming upstairs. Which, well, they do. They finally step out into a hallway, hands up. A soldier calls, "That's far enough," and takes aim at Jake.
Casa Green. April takes a thermometer out of Dad's mouth and looks at it, puzzled by the numbers on it. Dad moans, "Gail..." April says that Mom will be back in a minute. Then she sits down on the bed for a heart-to-heart with her delirious father-in-law. She sniffs, "Can I tell you a secret? You're going to be a grandfather!" As she confesses that she hasn't even told Eric yet, Dad thinks, "Please, just let me die." April insists, "This child needs a grampa." Consider who the kid's parents are, I have to agree with that. As she begs Dad to hold on, the camera slowly moves to reveal Mom standing in the doorway. Johanna and I start shouting for April to look out, because now Mom's going to kill her as part of her quest to end the Green bloodline. Then April turns and sees Mom, and gasps in terror, while Mom just stares at her. And seriously, even setting aside our pet theory about Mom's machinations, Mom looks really scary here. Then she smiles a little, and walks forward, but the smile was just a ploy because clearly, Mom's about to strangle April. Yikes. She reaches out, and pushes April's hair back with both hands, and I wait for her to move her hands down to April's neck and start squeezing. But instead she just kisses April on the forehead and hugs her. I guess she remembered that there are witnesses in the house. Johanna says, "That was really scary."
Hospital. Jake greets the soldier by saying, "Youâre with Ravenwood." Johanna greets him by saying, "He's not D.B. Sweeney! Where's D.B. Sweeney?" Jake explains his comment by saying "I spent a year and a half in the Green Zone, running a supply rig up and down Route Irish to BIAP." Eric somehow resists the urge to say, "You did not, you big liar!" Jake clarifies that he wasn't a soldier; he drove a truck for a contractor. I didn't know circuses had contractors. Neat! The soldier says that he was in Fallujah, and Jake breathes, "Man, I thought I had it bad." The camera shows us a bandage around the soldier's thigh, and I tell Johanna, "Oh, he must have been in a car accident! He and Jake have a lot in common." Jake gently asks the soldier to lower his weapon, and repeats that they just need some medicine. He introduces himself and Eric, and finally the soldier lowers his rifle and nods spastically as he says he's Randy Payton. He limps toward them, and Jake holds his coat open so that Payton can perform the worst search ever: he fondles Jake's hoodie a little, and then basically pokes Eric chest twice. Then Payton says he'll take them to the doctor.
As they move down the corridor, which holds a few more dead bodies, Payton says that "morphine and instant coffee are the only things keeping [him] standing right now." They perform the slowest pedeconference ever so that Payton has time to share his backstory. He and his buddies were originally hired by DHS to protect the Governor of Nebraska. But then they got diverted to help FEMA evacuate Rogue River. He explains, "FEMA set up a tent city in a Walmart parking lot a few miles north of here." Jake finally gets around to asking what's up with all the corpses. Payton says, "These are the ones that couldn't be moved. Too old, too sick." Eric asks, "So you just killed them?" Payton says no. By which he means, yes. He explains that the doctors wouldn't let them move the patients. "One of our guys, he just snapped. He started firing. Before I knew it, they had all emptied their weapons." Eric asks why Payton didn't stop them, and Payton sniffles, "How d'ya think I got shot?" He says his buddies left him for dead. I ask Johanna, "They shot him in the leg and left him for dead? Worst soldiers ever." Johanna suggests that Payton said, "Oh no, my leg! I'm bleeding out!" and then pretended to die.
Payton finally leads the Greens into a room that's ineffectively barricaded with more equipment. In the darkness there's a man performing surgery. Or trying to reanimate a corpse; I'm not really sure. The doctor is The Daily Show's Aasif Mandvi, who you may have also seen in, well, everything else on television. He nods at the Greens and introduces himself as Kenchy Dhuwalia while he continues trying to keep someone's insides from becoming outsides. Jake says they need Cipro, and Kenchy says, "Why? Morphine's worth a lot more, y'know." Jake grabs Kenchy by the chin, which is an odd choice, and says he's not selling it; it's for his dad. Then there's a squeal of tires outside. Jake and Payton hurry into a neighboring room to peer through the windows, and Eric follows them like, "Oh, are we going to the windows now? Okay." A couple of Humvees and a pick-up have pulled up outside. Jake tells Payton, "It's Ravenwood." Eric looks like he might cry.
After the ads, Jake says that there are six or eight Ravenwood dudes outside. Payton figures they've come back to clean out the hospital. Let's just review for a moment. Team Ravenwood clearly did help evacuate the town, right? Nobody's called that part into question. Then, according to Payton, they flipped out and killed a bunch of people. And now they've come back to the hospital to get supplies. Is it crazy of me to think they might be planning to take those supplies to the tent city? I'm not saying they're terrific human beings, I'm just saying that even Payton says that what happened at the hospital was due to them panicking. Then Payton says, "They're gonna kill anybody they find alive," but I'm not convinced that we should trust his judgment. He insists that they can't let the soldiers into the hospital, and starts pulling the sheets back from a window while Jake calls, "Hey! Hey!" I think that's the opposite of "Come on, come on!" Payton takes aim through the window, which is mysteriously free of glass, and opens fire. One of the Ravenwood guys goes down, and we hear the others shouting as Eric asks if there's a back way out. Payton grunts, "It's barricaded. You wanna live? Stand up and fight." He fires through the window some more while Eric looks pained and thinks, "This is Jake's fault somehow."
Hawkins Homestead. Allison finishes going over her family history for Gray, saying that the house was paid for with the inheritance from her grandmother. Gray asks when her grandmother died, and Hawkins suddenly appears behind Gray and gives Allison a nod. Allison snaps, "Are you stupid? I already told you: six months ago." Hawkins quickly tells her to be respectful. Allison says that this is ridiculous, and then turns to Gray and asks, "Are you harassing everyone in town, or just the black people?" Hee. Gray gulps, and Hawkins apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and tells her to apologize, too. Allison is really damn cute as she argues, "Forget that! I'm not sorry." She calls Gray a racist and storms out. Hawkins makes a note to save her an extra slice of pie.
Hospital. Team Ravenwood moves toward the entrance. Upstairs, Payton says that they're short on ammo, so they'll get close before opening fire. Well, that's comforting, I guess. Jake tells Payton to take some extra clips he's found, and Payton says, "They're all empty." Jake makes a sad face, and I giggle. Eric suggests that maybe finding the drugs and skedaddling would be a good plan. They move back into the improvised OR and ask Kenchy for the Cipro. He gasps, "On the shelf!" Jake suggests that they hide till Team Ravenwood is past them, and then duck out. Kenchy is busy losing his mind; he whines, "I couldn't even save one. Not even one!" and pulls the sheet over his ex-patient. Eric finds a box of Cipro, and Jake bellows, "COME ON!" Kenchy pulls of his surgical gown and follows the boys out.
Hawkins Homestead. Hawkins says that he raised Allison better than that. Gray is apparently suddenly nervous about a lawsuit, and hastily insists that "this is not about color." Good Cop strolls in with Darcy, as they start planning a play date with their respective kids. Hee. Gray interrupts to ask if maybe Good Cop could poke around the house while they all chat. Darcy says, "Excuse me?" and Good Cop looks uncomfortable. Now it's time for this week's moment of "We just don't give a fuck." When Darcy says, "Excuse me," Good Cop is standing to her, wearing his deputy's jacket. Cut to Gray, who says he's just being thorough. Cut back to Darcy and Good Cop. Good Cop is not wearing a jacket anymore. Darcy steps toward Gray and Good Cop drops out of the frame, as she says, "I thought this was Kansas, not Soviet Russia." And we get a reaction shot of Good Cop, now jacketed again. And now his badge is pinned to his jacket -- it wasn't two shots ago. We move back to Hawkins, who talks about how they've been cooperative, but it's hard to pay attention because I'm busy wondering if Good Cop will be wearing a cowboy hat in his appearance. Gray tries the old "if you've got nothing to hide, why wouldn't you let strangers search through your house?" strategy. Good Cop gets another reaction shot, but this one's a close-up so I can't tell if he's wearing clown shoes. Rats. Hawkins says, "If you can overlook the mess, we can overlook the violation of our civil rights." Good Cop uncomfortably offers to "take a quick peek around" and then they'll leave. I just want to know what Gray thinks he's going to find.
Hospital. Team Ravenwood hustles through the corridors. One guy pokes his head in a doorway, sweeps his laser-sight across half the room, and leaves. That is not how you secure a building! The camera pulls back to reveal Jake hiding behind the door. Eric, Payton, and Kenchy are hiding behind a tub, or something. I'm thinking that Ravenwood is actually some kind of remedial training school for mercenaries nobody else would hire. Of course, in the battle of wits, they may still have the advantage, because Jake waits all of five seconds before he crosses the room and tells the others it's time to go. Eric says that they should wait until Team Ravenwood leaves the building. Well, that's silly, too. I was just thinking they might want to wait until the guys were in another wing, or another floor, or, well, basically more than ten yards away. Jake says, "That could take hours! Dad doesn't have hours." Kenchy asks what's wrong with their father, and they fill him in. Kenchy says that if he's septic, he won't be able to handle the Cipro. He says they need an intravenous drug called Levaquin, and adds, "It's back in the ICU." Eric asks if Jake's planning to shoot his way through Team Ravenwood to get the drugs. Which is another silly thing, because of course that's what Jake's planning to do. Payton chimes in, "I'm with you." Which sets up the fact that he's kind of suicidal. Eric reluctantly takes the gun Payton is offering him, but says, "We need a plan." Oh, Eric. Planning is for wusses.
Casa Green. Heather is freaking out because she hasn't made ice yet. She says that they should start over. Apparently, some kind of chemical reaction has jump-started Emily's brain, though, because she says, "Shouldn't we figure out what we've done wrong?" Heather pooh-poohs that sensible idea, and starts dumping the water into one bucket as she gibbers. But then she puts her hands on a metal bowl and freezes. Not literally -- that would be way too interesting. Emily touches the bowl and says that it's cold. Heather picks up a palm-sized chunk of ice that she apparently overlooked until now and giggles, "The bowl! It's aluminum. Plastic's an insulator -- I'm so stupid!" I'm not laughing with her, but I am laughing. Emily confirms that they need more metal bowls.
Eric, wearing a lab coat, slowly steps around the corner of a hallway with his hands raised. The crack team of mercenaries don't even notice him until he uncomfortably says, "Don't shoot." Then they whirl and we finally get to see D.B. Sweeney. Toepick! Eric says that he's a doctor, and I love that he's even draped a stethoscope around his neck. Verisimilitude! D.B. Sweeney tells him to kneel, and Eric does so. Then Eric looks at one of the soldiers, who's got an arm wound, and says, "I can help your friend." Oh dear. Eric, you do know that you're not actually a doctor, right?
After the ads, Eric tells Team Ravenwood that he's a doctor the Red Cross brought in. "To shoot at me?" D.B. Sweeney asks. Eric says that he wasn't the shooter. D.B. Sweeney asks, "Who was it, then? The guys in that muscle car?" and Eric plays dumb. Luckily, he's had a lifetime of practice at that. D.B. Sweeney asks, "Where are they?" Eric hesitates, and finally says that there are three or four guys in the therapy room downstairs. D.B. Sweeney sends the rest of his team off to investigate, and again I say: worst soldiers ever. Eric looks over at the wounded soldier again, and offers to treat him.
The rest of Team Ravenwood hustles downstairs and tosses a granade into the therapy room. This time they actually do look around the entire room before declaring it clear.
Upstairs, D.B. Sweeney pulls open the wounded soldier's flak jacket. Eric says that he needs something to cut open the guy's shirt. D.B. Sweeney holds up his knife, but Eric says, "Something sterile." To cut his shirt? I'm assuming that Eric isn't actually that dumb, but I'm having trouble believing that D.B. Sweeney is, either. He seems to buy it, though, and looks around at a counter while Eric ducks across the room and starts sorting through the medical supplies. He explains, "I'm just getting something for the pain." D.B. Sweeney says that his pal can handle the pain. Eric says, "No, I mean mine." Or maybe that was me. Eric picks up a big box of Levaquin and puts it in a plastic tub. And that's when Jake jumps out and starts firing at D.B. Sweeney and the other guy. D.B. Sweeney takes cover and starts shooting back, and Eric scampers out of the line of fire.
Hawkins Homestead. Good Cop enters the basement, and looks around. The door to the bunker has been mostly covered up with some industrial shelves loaded with boxes, so he moves on.
Up in the kitchen, Darcy is as fired up as her broiler. She snaps, "You people drafted my husband into your police force and now you're suspecting him of being a criminal." Gray mildly says, "This has been unpleasant for all of us." Hee. "Some more than others," Darcy sniffs, while Hawkins looks amused. Good Cop returns and tells Gray that he found something. He puts a wallet on the table in front of Gray, and Gray opens it to reveal...an FBI badge. Hawkins smirks and asks Darcy if he could chat with Gray privately.
Jake reaches the bottom of the stairs, fires his shotgun up once, and then races for the door. He runs past Payton, who says, "No! This is on me." Jake says that the others will kill him. Payton laughs and says, "I deserve this. I emptied my gun up there, too." He tells Jake to go, and after a moment, Jake goes. Payton takes aim at the bottom of the stairwell.
Jake runs outside as Eric pulls the car up by the door. Jake slides in to Kenchy and explains that Payton won't be joining them. As the car zooms away, we hear gunfire from inside the hospital, and there are flashes through the window.
Hawkins Homestead. It's dusk now. Has Gray been there all day? Man, I hope Samuel got something to eat. Gray asks why Hawkins didn't tell them he was with the FBI. Hawkins says, "'Cause I thought you were CIA." No, but I so wanted that to happen. Instead, Hawkins does some kind of Jedi mind trick, where he points out that the badge could be a fake, then explains that real badges are heavier than most fake ones, and then points out that his badge is heavy. Gray is unable to find fault with this syllogism, so Hawkins feels confident that the rest of his ridiculous story will be accepted. He says that the FBI was tracking "suspicious contacts between unknown people in this area of Kansas and terrorist groups abroad." Gray asks what kind of contacts, and Hawkins says there were some payphone calls and money transfers. Hawkins goes on to say that he was transferred to Jericho for an undercover investigation. With his family. And the FBI, naturally, paid for a house in cash. Then he swears Gray to secrecy about all this, probably because if Gray repeated it he might notice how little sense it made. Gray does insist that there be "an open line" between them from now on. Hawkins agrees, and then Gray submissively shakes his hand and apologizes for the intrusion. Hawkins fiercely says, "You do not have to apologize for anything! You did good work." And then he mutters, "...sucker." Oh, damn it, that was me again, sorry.
The Green boys and Kenchy zoom across a long bridge that I think might be important week.
Emily and Heather are coming downstairs just as Jake bursts in and says, "Is he...?" Emily says, "Barely." And then Jake says, "Barely dead? Oh, you thought I was asking if he was alive! Ha! I should probably complete my sentences, huh?" And then he runs upstairs, followed by Eric and Kenchy.
Everyone hustles into the bedroom, and Eric introduces Dr. Kenchy, who expositions about the Levaquin. Eric puts his hands up on his head to express fretfulness. Meanwhile, Johanna and I have a long discussion about how we had to watch all of those ice-making scenes, and then the part where the ice was useful apparently happened off screen. Johanna says, "This show is so weird." She says that a lot, but it really does bear repeating.
Hawkins Homestead. Dad shoves the shelves out of way to reveal the door to his bunker, while Allison watches. Aw, she's starting to pick up his smug look, that's so adorable. She hands over the key to the room, and he kisses her on the forehead and thanks her. As he enters the bunker, Allison says, "I know you're one of the good guys." Hawkins gives her a look like, "Er, yeah. Yeah! I'm totally a good guy. Really." Then he closes the bunker door.
Casa Green. Jake sits on the stairs and thanks Heather for staying with Mom. Emily mentions, "She saved your father's life." If you say so. Jake looks mildly puzzled but doesn't so much as say, "Really, how?" Or, y'know, "Thank you." After an awkward pause, Heather decides to leave the house of ingrates who don't appreciate her mad chemistry skillz. Emily asks, "What'd you see out there." Jake says, "I saw a dead woman, and some nice houses, and a hospital, and a lot of guys with guns, and a..." "Another time," Emily says, and follows Heather out. Eric comes downstairs and idly asks why there are bowls of water all over the counter. Jake doesn't know. Jake reassures Eric, "You'll be okay," and then kind of strokes Eric's hair, which is a little strange. Jake adds, "You're a much better person than I am, so I know you'll be fine." Eric says, "That's a good point, thanks." Or else he says he's not so sure, and suddenly blurts, "I'm in love with Mary Bailey." Jake chortles and gets up. While Eric ponders how to best straighten his life out, Jake goes over to the table and totally washes his face in one of the bowls of water. Johanna suggests that his line will be, "Ew, this water smells like fertilizer. But it is refreshingly cold!" As Eric heads back upstairs he pats his rear pocket, then gasps, "Jake, I left my jacket back there." The reason he cares becomes clearer a moment later when he adds that his wallet was in the jacket. With his address. Oh noes! Eric is naturally worried that Team Ravenwood will notice Eric's jacket among all the other rubble in that dark hospital, find his ID, assume that he hasn't relocated since the world ended, and then track them all down. Jake insists that Payton killed all those guys, and tells Eric to go to bed. In his heart, he's thinking, "When those jerks turn up, I am so telling Dad that it's your fault."
Cut to the hospital where, of course, someone is handing D.B. Sweeney Eric's wallet. D.B. Sweeney looks at it and says, "Jerichooooooo." So, let's look at this from his point of view. They came back to the hospital for medicine, and for all we know, they wanted the supplies for people who needed it. Upon returning to town, they're fired upon. Then someone claims to be a doctor, lies to them, and then they're ambushed. We have no particular reason to think that they would have killed Jake and Eric. I'm just saying, it could all be a wacky misunderstanding!
Back at Casa Green, Jake is peering out through the blinds, and holding a shotgun. I'm sure at some point it'll occur to him to maybe tell someone that they should be expecting visitors. Hey, maybe Darcy can bake another pie!
time: Team Ravenwood comes calling, and so, naturally, the townsfolk prepare to blow up a bridge. Because apparently it's the only bridge into town. Jericho is located on one of the many islands in Kansas.