Well, this feels like the first solid episode in a good little while. Ted's mother, Virginia (Cristine Rose; Angela Petrelli on Heroes) is marrying her boyfriend, Clint (Harry Groener; Mayor Wilkins on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and so, of course, wackiness ensues, mostly because Clint is one wacky dude. He shares stories of his and Virginia's sex life with Ted, and frames Ted and Virginia's relationship in his own special way. "You have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Exiting her womb, receiving her milk." But Virginia is madly in love, and so there's a wedding. That's right, Ted's mother is getting married for a second time, before he even gets married once, and he's not taking it so well.
During the reception, Ted disappears. The gang doesn't see him for the 72 hours, until he shows up and brings them out for a little ride -- to the house he just bought. Online. The gang, and Ted's home inspector, all try to tell him to dump the rodent-ridden money pit, but it's too late. Only Marshall stands by him, and along the way, tries to deflect some criticism off of Ted by sharing some of his own bad decisions. This turns into a game: "Drunk or Kid," where the crew has to guess if Marshall was drunk or a kid when he pulled some of his stupid stunts.
After the home inspector falls through the ceiling, the reality of his purchase hits Ted, he decides to raze the place and sell the land, so Lily talks him into taking out some of his frustrations with sledge hammer. They gang all does a little impromptu demo work, to CSN&Y's "Our House." But when they're done, Ted falls silent before taking off for another 72 hours, during which he returns to his mother's home and reads to her and Clint the toast he failed to deliver at their wedding. In the end, Marshall and Ted have a sausage fest (not like that) on Ted's back porch. And when Ted decides he's not going to dump the house after all, Marshall is not surprised in the least.
The B Plot (or C Plot, if the wedding is A, and the house is B) revolves around whether Robin or Barney broke down in tears when Clint sang to his bride at the reception. It's amusing enough, but I'll save it for the full weecap.
First up, kudos to Cristine Rose and Harry Groener, who are always sure-fire hits. I'm glad to see Groener join the HIMYM extended family. Now, this episode was quite funny in spots (largely thanks to Groener), but at other points it fell flat. The home inspector took me out of the show, throughout. Sure, Marshall declares Ted's heart to be both drunk and a kid, but he's still Ted, right? The idea of this particular architect buying a house before inspecting it himself (an architect is not the worst person for the job, in the real world) or before having it professionally inspected? I just couldn't buy it. Still, I feel like the show turned a corner tonight, or at least came in sight of one. And what this episode lacked in logic and humor, it more than made up for in heart. Marshall and Ted's friendship gets lost every now and again, so whenever we happen upon it, it warms my heart. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping it lasts. At least I didn't sit here wondering what was happening on Dancing With the Stars. Seriously. [Monkey.]
I'll hit all the details the weecap, so check back tomorrow. In the meantime, come on over to the forums, where we will never, ever sexualize your relationship with your mother.
After hitting up the forums, check out our updated HIMYM Dictionary.
TWoP's been nominated for a Webby Award for Mobile Entertainment. Please cast a vote for us here. Vote early, vote often!
This is the first solid episode in a good little while, but the kids are on vacation and my oldest had a doctor's appointment. I've only got about an hour to weecap it before Lost starts, so expect this cap to be oh-so-wee. Cue stock footage of Ted's kids on the couch. I feel so sorry for them, stuck there, forever. Saget!Ted introduces tonight's outing by telling them that everyone makes one or two crazy decisions that change their lives forever. This is the story of his.
Ted's mother, Virginia (Christine Rose; Angela Petrelli on Heroes) and her lover Clint (Harry Groener; Mayor Wilkins on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) come for a visit, and wackiness ensues, mostly because Clint is one wacky dude, who is always saying things like, "Ted, your mother is a very erotic woman." And poor Ted is always half-saying/half-praying, "Please don't." But that doesn't stop Clint. This painter/songwriter/volunteer fear fighter finds Virginia "Incredibly sexual." He waits a beat. "But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Exiting her womb, receiving her milk. You get me? Good." When Clint leaves the room, Virginia rises and says, "I cannot believe I am with that man." While we all see this for the set-up it is, Ted doesn't, because he doesn't know he's living in an aging sitcom. As he tries to tell his mother than she doesn't have to settle, Virginia turns to face him and squees like a tween at a Justin Bieber concert. "He is so cool! And he picked me! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" Ugh. When Ted says he's glad they're both happy, Clint and Virginia share their special news with him. They're getting married.
MacLaren's: Ted's own mother is marrying for the second time -- before Ted even marries once. As the gang toasts the happy couple at the bar, we cut to Ted trying to play along, but Son-zilla scowls as he furiously chugs his beer. Cut to...
Reception Venue: Ted and the gang attend the wedding. At the reception, he tries to have a good time, but ends up dancing with people like Aunt Meredith (Marianne Muellerleile) who's droning on about the importance of sterilization in home canning (not that she's wrong). Ted's mother says romantic things like the fact that today makes her feel like the last 35 years of her life have never happened. Her 30-something year old Son-zilla is thrilled at that, to be sure. But nothing beats the thrill Ted gets when his new step-father presents him with a portrait he painted of himself and Virginia. In it, they're nude. Virginia is standing behind Clint, but wrapping her leg around him, and Clint's holding a guitar over his naughty bits. Saget!Ted: "Kids, there was no guitar." Prop department -- thank you for the guitar. As Ted struggles to breathe, his friends fail to contain their inner 12-year-olds. Robin: "Best." Marshall: "Wedding." Barney: "Ever!" They laugh, giggle and clap, while Ted hastily tosses the cloth covering back over the abomination. Speaking of abominations...
Clint has written a song for Virginia. He plays guitar and sings to her, in front of all the guests. Clint: "When I squeeze her trembling bosom..." Ted: "Oh God." Clint: "The blood pumps to my loins..." Ted's visibly woozy. Clint: "When I penetrate her..."
The screen goes black. Saget!Ted: "Kids, I swear to God I blacked out for the 12 minutes, so I have no idea how the song got to this ending..."
Clint: "...And Mahatma Gandhi, and the pancakes... EVERYONE!" Everyone but a horrified and confused Ted joins in: "And the dragon, and you!" Clint: "Virginia."
As the guests applaud, Barney drags Robin back to the gang's table. "Guys, guys, guess what Robin just did." He wipes the outer corner of his left eye, with his fist. We flash back to 20 seconds ago. Clint starts singing about Mahatma Gandhi and the pancakes, but this time, our focus is on Barney and Robin. He can't believe she's crying. She knows it's stupid, but she's touched that the happy couple is so happy. Back to the present, Barney wraps up his story, then takes off to tell the rest of the attendees, starting with Aunt Meredith, and later, Ted's hot sister, Heather (we never see her, but continuity-kudos to the writers).
Meanwhile, Ted gets the thirtysomething single person treatment at his own mother's wedding. Guest after guest comes up to him asking him when he's going to get married. Before she married, my gorgeous sister-in-law Lisa used to get this. It got to where she dreaded family weddings. What is wrong with people? I know, I know. I only have an hour, and that list has no end. Anyhow, Ted can't handle it, and tells Marshall he's out of there. Marshall reminds Ted that he's supposed to give a toast. Son-zilla tells him to make up an excuse for him, then flees.
MacLaren's: Saget!Ted narrates that his friends didn't see him for the 72 hours. They're at MacLaren's fretting over his "radio silence" (and Barney's teasing Robin about getting emotional over Clint's song), when Ted returns, and tells the gang that he's on top of the world. And? They're going for a ride.
Ted's car, on a tree-lined highway: Marshall says, "Hey buddy, you want to let someone who isn't having some sort of manic episode drive for a while?" Lily agrees and wants to know where they're going. So Ted tells her that the night of the wedding, when he got to his hotel room, he went onto a website he sometimes visits when he can't sleep. The gang cringes and groans. Lily: "We do not want to know what you and the Internet do when you're lonely." Ted: "I didn't. I--I. That's not the part of the night that I was talking about." Ted went to his favorite real estate auction site, and BOUGHT A FREAKING HOUSE. And they're there, right now. Ted walks in first. "Guys, I just bought my dream house!" Mice scurry across the room. Ted jumps. Robin assumes a fighter's stance. Barney and Lily dive into Marshall's arms. Commercial.
The Money Pit: The house is a dump where dumpy dumps are dumped to die, and Ted's friends aren't too shy to say so. Barney: "Was the Blair Witch easy to deal with or did she haggle over the closing costs?" Ted goes on and on about what the kids he doesn't even have (with the wife he's never met) will be allowed to do in this room and that. Lily -- who seems not to remember that she and Marshall bought a slanty-floored apartment down-wind of a sewage treatment plant -- has no trouble telling him that his purchase was insane and will take a small fortune to rehab. Ted points out he's an architect and will find a way. "If I start right now, it'll be done by the time the old wifey and I are ready to move in." Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney all look at each other. Finally, Barney leans in toward Ted. "Is she in the room with us right now, Ted?" Heh. Ted still retains sufficient sanity to acknowledge he hasn't yet found his wife. Lily starts lecturing him he can't just skip ahead to where he thinks his life should be, and hasn't she told him that a thousand times, just this season? Robin chimes in saying this may be the stupidest thing he's ever done. Once Barney says it's the stupidest thing any of them have ever done, Marshall rises to Ted's defense by telling stories of stupid things he's done.
Once, Marshall dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet and tried to dry them off in the microwave. Robin says he must have been drunk off his ass. Barney says that's too stupid a move, even for a drunk adult; Marshall must have been a kid. And with that, a new game is born. Marshall tells everyone to lock in their guesses. Barney and Ted say he was a kid. Lily and Robin say he was drunk. And the answer? Drunk! Barney says he's glad Robin got it right because she's so sensitive and fragile. "I'm referencing the time she cried at Clint's song, and even though I'm whispering, I actually hope she hears me."
It's then that Robin reveals it was not she, but Barney, who cried at Clint's song. In a flashback, we see the same last Mahatma Gandhi, pancake, dragon moments, only this time Barney is sobbing. He offers Robin $500 "if this just happened to you, instead of me." It's a deal. Barney says, "Thank you, Robin. You just saved me unspeakable public humiliation and shame..." which Barney then starts to dole out, at the reception.
Money Pit; Present: The gang laughs at Barney, but they're interrupted by the home inspector (Gary Anthony Williams). They didn't hear him, because the doorbell doesn't work, which is the first item on his report. The gang jumps all over Ted when they realize he didn't bother getting the house inspected until after he bought the house, and that's the time that I completely left the episode.
Sidebar: Yeah, there are professional home inspectors, but architects are also great at home inspection. They know so much about all the systems required in a sound structure. That Ted -- our snotty, douchey, exacting Ted -- didn't see this house (or enough of it; that isn't clear) before he bought it, never mind have it inspected, just knocked this episode down from a potential A+ to a maximum of an A- grade. But let's get back to the story.
Marshall kicks off another round of DRUNK or KID: Marshall once tried to ride his bike down an extension ladder from the roof of a two story house. I can't make out who bet on what, but the flashback shows Judy Eriksen (Suzie Plakson) running out and declaring her baby boy dead, so the answer is: KID! You'll be relieved to know that Marshmallow came out of the coma in under a week. Yeeeurgh.
Ted brings his friends out to his back porch. He's going to put a grill out there. "Every Sunday, it's going to be a total sausage fest." Uncomfortable -- the gang looks at each other. Ted waits a beat. "Sausage party? Burgers. I'll--we'll do burgers." Lily tells Ted to stop it. He can't keep the house; it's a huge mistake. Ted tells her that the universe is being a total wad about the wife and kids part of his wife-kids-house plan, so he's controlling the part he can. Marshall rises to his defense with yet another round of...
DRUNK or KID: Marshall drives his brother's car the wrong way down I-94. The verdict? Kid. And that's it. Lost is on. See you week. What? You want more. Okay, but you're going to have to wait. [...] I'm back and all confused and stuck in my head. I'll start a clean paragraph, but if you see any stray mentions of Desmond, Jack, Sawyer and Jin, just ignore them (or hop on over to the Lost recaplet, which I'm going to have to finish after this is done).
Back inside, the inspector informs Ted that he has leaky pipes, but the bright side is, the pond in the cellar is drowning some of the bigger, slower rats. "The rest of them? Well, they're headed this way." Lily takes this opportunity to lecture Ted, again, about the fact that he should have waited to find out the problems with the house before signing on the dotted line. Ted says you can always find problems with any decision, but you can't let that stop you. "Freshman year, Marshall knew right away that he wanted to spend his life with you. What if someone had been there to second-guess that decision?"
Wesleyan; Ted & Marshall's Dorm Room: As Marshall watches Lily walk out, he declares to himself that someday he's going to marry her. Ted's home inspector appears and drags college-Lily back in the room. "Not so fast. We've got some structural issues here. These hips are not Eriksen-baby compliant." He then points to Lily's mouth. "And this thing here does not have a proper filter. That's a maintenance issue that's never going to go away." Wordy McButtinsky. "And I know you think that you like this Gothic exterior now, but deep down, didn't you always picture yourself in something Spanish?" Ha! As Marshall grins, the inspector recommends he look into "the rental option."
Ted reminds Lily that Marshall took the leap of faith,and it's the best thing that happened to them both. As the gang takes this in, Barney can't stand not being the center of attention, so he hops back on the running joke about who cried at Clint's song, and claims it was Robin. In the fantasy flashback, Robin (at the Money Pit) tells him she can't stand all the jokes about her crying. "If I pretend to reveal that you were the one who cried, will you go along with it?" Barney says, "Sure." Robin: "I made a mistake letting you go, didn't I? Your penis is enormous."
Back in realtime, the gang groans. Marshall: "You always take it one too far." Their argument is broken up by the home inspector, who says they'll be out of there early. "I finished downstairs and the outside. Now, I could keep looking and see what else I could find besides the black mold, damaged retaining wall, frayed electrical wires, the lead paint, the water damage, the fire damage, the sun damage, the broken furnace, the rotted floorboards... Hey! Look at that. No termites." Ted lets out a little ooh before the inspector continues: "...The cracked chimney, the bats, the rats, the spiders, the racoons, the hobo, the detached gutter, the outdated fuse box, and the paint job in the kitchen -- which is fine, but the trim really clashes with the countertops. Or... I could just recommend that you do not buy this godforsaken Guantanamo Bay of a house, and suggest that we all get our asses out of here, before a medium-sized wind blows the whole sumbitch down." Ted: "What if I already bought the 'sumbitch'?" Inspector: "Well, I will... check out upstairs." He cackles as he leaves the room.
Marshall: "Did he say he found a hobo?" Ted acknowledges there are problems, but he sees the house for what it can be. He talks about all the things he can see in this house, concluding with: "I see a life I know I can have here." Just then, the inspector drops through the ceiling, onto the floor in front of the gang. Barney: "I see a lawsuit." Inspector: "Found termites." Found slapstick. Commercial.
After the EMTs wheel out the inspector, Ted acknowledges his friends are right. It's just that everyone is moving on but him. Marshall and Robin have their own (slanty-floored, poopy smelling) place. Robin and Don Rabbit McDuck are getting serious (which we know because the show keeps telling us, even though it won't show us). And Barney, he has a... new tie. Ted: "I'm ready for the life that fits into this house." Barney clasps Ted's shoulder and tells him it's all right -- sometimes people make the wrong decisions. "Like your mother." Barney reminds Ted how very fond he is of Virginia, and says they shared a special moment together back in 2006 B.C. (Before Clint). "I wanted to be your dad!" He cried at Clint's song, because that bastard took her away and now all he has left is the memory of dropping her off at the airport. We flash back to:
2006; Car; Barney's driving Virginia to the airport, after "Brunch": We cut to them, just after Virginia has finished telling the story of her broach (see "Brunch"). As Bob Seger's "Night Moves" plays, they get sentimental, and then romantic -- trying to make some front-page drive-in news. Their fingers intertwine. They kiss. Virginia: "Your penis is enormous."
Money Pit; Present: Once again, Barney has taken a story one step too far. Barney says that while he made up the last part, the rest is true. He tells Ted, "C'mon, dude. Your mom is a cougar." Robin points out that Barney once said a cougar couldn't be over 50. Barney: "Okay. She's a Mellencamp."
Ted brings the subject back to a more comfortable arena of agony. He figures the best he can do is level the place and sell the property at a huge loss. It's then that Lily steps up. "Look, Ted. Usually in life, when you make a stupid decision, you just have to live with it." She crosses the room and picks up a sledgehammer which is leaning against the dilapidated wall. "How often do you get the chance to pick up a sledgehammer and bash the living hell out of it?" Ted thinks a moment, and then eagerly takes the hammer from Lily's hands and approaches the wall, but after he lifts the hammer, he declares, "This is stupid." It's only once Barney says, "Your mom and I got to second base," that Ted lets the hammer fly. The whole gang then has a turn during a demo-licious montage set to Crosby, Stills and Nash's "Our House." The music plays soft and low when after, Ted thanks Lily, saying, "That felt fantastic." But once the gang toasts to the future, possible slum Lord, Ted says there's one last thing he has to do, and he leaves. Saget!Ted: "And my friends didn't see me for the 72 hours." The music stops, suddenly. Robin: "He was our ride."
Clint and Virginia's House: Ted arrives, champagne flute in hand, full of apologies and ready to deliver the toast he skipped out on. In it, he acknowledges that he's never seen his mother as happy as she is with Clint, and welcomes Clint to the family. When he's done, Virginia walks out onto the porch and takes her son in her arms. "Ted, I am so... baked right now, I'm only 60% sure you're actually standing in front of me. But if you are, I love you, and you are the best son a mother could ever have." She embraces him again, and Clint joins in, to make it a three-way. Once his arms are wrapped around his new family, he exhales the, um... "sandwich" smoke he's been holding in since Ted knocked on the door. Saget!Ted says, "There was no logical reason why my mother should be with a guy like that, and yet, as you kids know, being with your Grandpa Clint was the best decision your Grandma made." We cut to...
Money Pit: Saget!Ted continues: "Sometimes, our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all." Ted, who has just returned to the Money Pit, sees the door to the back porch is open. He walks out to find Marshall, grilling sausages. Ted reminds Marshall that he told him he was selling the place. Marshall: "I know what you said. I also know my best friend, Ted Mosby." Oddly enough, Barney does not pop out from the shrubbery to correct him. Marshall points out that whenever he's told Ted not to rush into a relationship with a girl, or whatever, Ted has never, ever listened. "Your heart is both drunk and a kid." Awwww. Ted: "Thanks for sticking up for me, man." Marshall: "That's what I do." Sure, when you're not monkeying around.
Ted wants to show Marshall some of the ideas he has for the house. "Our House" starts to play again, as Saget!Ted tells the kids that Marshall was right. "I didn't give up on my dream house, because that's the thing about stupid decisions: we all make them, but time is funny -- and sometimes a little magical." And slowly, we watch as the room with the smashed walls turns into a cozy living room. "It can take a stupid decision, and turn it into something else entirely." The room becomes more and more familiar. Finally, the yellow school bus appears on the shelves. Then the black leather couch. "Because kids, as you know, that house..." The kids appear. "...Is this house."
Repeating myself from the recaplet here, but kudos to Christine Rose and Harry Groener, who are always sure-fire hits. I'm glad to see Groener join the HIMYM extended family. Now, this episode was quite funny in spots (largely thanks to Groener), but at other points, it fell flat. The running who's crying now joke was only funny at the point that the show revealed that Barney was the one weeping. His attempts to humiliate Robin before and debunk her claims after fell flat -- except, of course for his disturbing and yet still touching scene with Virginia.
I still see residual chemistry between Barney and Robin. They were very handsy in this episode. I would not be surprised to see them reunited, and yet, I don't think that's where the show is going. And based on the poor execution of that romance the first time out, I'm not eager to see it again.
Moving on, the home inspector subplot took me out of the show, throughout. The suggestion that this particular architect bought a house before inspecting it himself, or before having it professionally inspected, just didn't sit well with me. People have offered different rationalizations, the strongest of which is: the point of this episode is that Ted is a huge, impulsive romantic, who made one of those crazy decisions. I can't and won't argue that, but it doesn't change how I felt when I first watched the show. Personally, I just couldn't buy it. Still, I feel like the show turned a corner tonight, or at least came in sight of one. And what this episode lacked in logic and humor, it more than made up for in heart. Marshall and Ted's friendship gets lost every now and again, so whenever we happen upon it, it warms my heart. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping it lasts. At least I didn't sit here wondering what was happening on Dancing With the Stars. Seriously. [Monkey.]
week, there's a re-run of "Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap," so I'll catch you after May 3rd's all new episode: "Twin Beds." In the meantime, come on over to the forums, where we will never, ever sexualize your relationship with your mother.
After hitting up the forums, check out our updated HIMYM Dictionary. And check back soon for that weecap!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.