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Carrie Underwood guest stars as Tiffany, the pretty young thing currently stringing along Ted. The gang tries to warn Ted that Tiffany (who has a boyfriend) isn't into him. She just enjoys having Ted on the hook -- i.e. waiting in the wings, in case things go south with her beau. Barney nags Ted to walk away from Tiffany, at least until he finds out she is a Pharmaceutical Sales Rep, which he explains is the cutting-edge profession to which hot women are currently flocking. He then gives us the world history of hot girl professions, which I'll hit in tomorrow's weecap. Coincidentally, Ted has a woman on the hook -- Henrietta, the school librarian. He doesn't realize it until his friends point this out, but once he swears off Tiffany, he accidentally takes things too far with Henrietta, and has to break her heart to set her free.
Meanwhile, Marshall finds out that Lily's high school sweetheart, Scooter, is working in her school cafeteria. Lily still has Scooter on the hook. She keeps trying to free him, but when he looks at her with his puppy dog eyes, she can't bear to hurt him. Finally, Marshall brings home an adorable teacup pig (explanation in weecap) and tells Lily to practice letting it off the hook. Once she masters that, Lily does the same to Scooter, but he's so sweet and vulnerable, that every time Lily tells Scooter there can never be anything between them, Marshall ends up adding the hookish, "For now."
And for now, I'm sitting here wondering if HIMYM is just keeping me on the hook. They can't tell me who the mother is. Right now. Barney and Robin aren't meant to be together. Right now. Stunt casting is important for ratings. Right now. Yeah, well, overly broad writing is turning me off. Right now.
Check back tomorrow for the full weecap, the end tag. In the meantime, come on over to the forum, where you're always off the hook.
After hitting up the forums, add "hooked" to our HIMYM Dictionary!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Saget!Ted opens the show by narrating (to stock footage of his kids) that although in most of his stories he's the starry-eyed romantic, this time, he's just the jerk. Just this time? And don't worry, Ted, you're not the only one feeling like a jerk, but more on me, later. You ready? Okay.
MacLaren's: Ted's into this new girl Tiffany (Carrie Underwood), and he tells the gang that tonight's the night he is going to invite her up to his place to... see his antique camera collection. The guys discuss bait they've used (bait: that which a gentleman provides to a lady as an excuse to visit his place, so that they can both pretend they're not intending to have sex). Ted mentions vinyl records as a viable option. Marshall has used a "rap poster" (on Lily, who pleads youthful indiscretion; it was the first week of college and she was into the Wu-Tang Clan). Barney lectures that picking just the right bait is tricky. He has used a slot machine (too entertaining, per the flashback of his mark ignoring him), a trampoline (too dangerous, per the flashback of his mark getting carried out on a stretcher), but recently and most successfully, he's been using a teacup pig, whom we will henceforth call Teabagger. Ted's ready to scoff, but when Lily, Robin and even Marshall (so adorable) squeal in appreciation, he changes his scoff to a request to borrow Teabagger for his big night. Later, at Ted's Apartment, Tiffany squeals and swoons over Teabagger, but after Ted flirts with her and moves in for a kiss, she mentions someone else who would love the pig as well -- her boyfriend.
Tiffany dithers over whether or not the other guy (TOG) is actually her boyfriend or not. She then claims to really like Ted, and asks him to be patient. "I don't want to lose you, Big Brown Eyes." Ted might be swayed by that tripe, but it's no Teddy Westside (or T-Mos), if you ask me.
MacLaren's: When Ted fills the gang in on his evening with Tiffany, they laugh because she *so* has Ted on the hook. When Ted denies this, Robin says she's been on both sides -- hookee and... I don't have finish that, right? Marshall too has been on the hook, Lisa Walker's hook to be precise. Lily rolls her eyes and scowls as Marshall sets up his tale of woe. It was back in...
Ted and Henrietta cuddle. She feeds him chocolate cake. She gives him long, sensual foot rubs. Saget!Ted: "I'm not proud, kids."
Back at MacLaren's, Robin explains the psychology of keeping someone on the hook, for people new to this planet. "It's a nice little ego boost." Ted reminds her that she's keeping her cameraman, Mike (Don Nicolosi), on the hook, too. Robin denies it. We flash back to...
The Apartment: Robin is eating chocolate cake while Mike massages her feet. When he suggests taking it to the level, Robin says, "Well, if you're talking about doing my laundry, I'm on board." Mike says she's got herself a deal. Ted, who is sitting at his desk, rolls his eyes, in the background. Meanwhile, Scott and I give serious consideration to bringing Mike on as a third partner.
MacLaren's: When Robin won't accept the idea that she's keeping Mike on the hook., Ted tells her she is Captain Hook. I keep waiting for them to reference season one, but they don't. Instead, Robin says, "Dude, I'm a girl, okay? Our girl parts are like a spider web. Sometimes you're going to catch stuff you don't want." Marshall cringes. Lily shakes Robin off. I gag. Ted ignores the unfortunately worded comparison and tries to hammer home his point, but Robin brings the conversation back to Henrietta. Ted declares he's going to call her up and hang out with her tonight. "As friends!"
Henrietta's Home: Henrietta (Catherine Reitman) opens the door and when Ted gives her a casual, "Hey," she replies, "I love you." She quickly covers. Well, sort of. She offers him a foot rub and tries to tempt him by explaining she's been practicing on herself. Oy, I almost need to watch this from the hall. Henrietta mentions she "threw together" a few things to eat. Her "few things" include a fricking ice sculpture, people. Enough said.
Saget!Ted admits he should have known Henrietta was madly in love with him. But then, current-day Ted's phone rings. It's Tiffany, who wants to know if he'll be her date for a wedding this weekend. Ted asks her what she's doing right now. Henrietta says, "Oh, God," but Ted doesn't notice, on account of the huge hook obscuring his vision. Since Tiffany is free, Ted leaves Henrietta, her ice sculpture, her crudités, her cheese plate and other hors d'œuvre. With a "Take a rain check, pal?" and a punch on the arm, he's gone. As Henrietta rubs her sore arm, Saget!Ted opines: "What a jerk!" Once he's gone, Henrietta's adorable parents come out, hoping to meet Ted. Henrietta snips, "Yeah, something came up, okay, Mom?" After she stomps off to her room, Dad (Garrett Nichols) says, "I told you there was no Ted." Mom (Roz Witt) shakes her head. Off screen, Henrietta yells, "I heard that." Mom elbows Dad. Heh.
MacLaren's: Barney tells Robin, "Last night, I was with this Pharma-Girl who was so hot, you should call the doctor if you don't have an erection for more than four hours." To no one in particular he adds, "AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE?" If he doesn't watch it, I'm going to put in a big time-out, again. Robin feels me feeling her pain (or, at least, disgust). "Yeah, there's no people -- just the girl you most recently dated." Barney raises his drink, winks at her and clicks his tongue. Before anything more can come of this, beautiful Pharma-Girl Diana (Tiara Parker) brings the newest Pharma- Girl, Gladys (Valorie Hubbard) over to the booth to meet Barney. But Gladys, as her name suggests, isn't a pretty young thing. She's fair, fat and 40, or maybe even 50. Barney recoils in horror as he gets an eyeful of Gladys, who is telling him she represents "statins and other cholesterol-lowering drugs." That would have worked better if Barney hadn't already mentioned his cholesterol, don't you think?
After Gladys and Diana go to get their "drink on," Barney cries to Robin about the fact that Pharma-Girls are no longer exclusively hot chicks. "It's the end of an era." When Robin tells Barney he's being overly dramatic, he says, "Am I? It starts out with a Gladys. thing you know, a couple of not-so-fabulous gay guys enter the ranks. And before you know it, Pharma-Girls look like the crew on a Southwest flight from Albuquerque to Little Rock." He slams his hand down on the pretzel bowl. "IT'S OVER!" Meanwhile, over at...
Henrietta's Place: Ted, still in his tuxedo, arrives at Henrietta's, to let her off the hook. The only problem is, he's not wearing his tuxedo jacket. On the way out of the hotel room, he grabbed TOG's. And TOG? He was serving as best man at the wedding Ted will never attend. And so, well, how to put it? The best man not only stands up with the groom, he often holds the ring for him, too. So wouldn't you know it? Right after Ted knocks on Henrietta's door, the ring magically jumps up and out of his jacket pocket and falls to the floor. Ted bends down on one knee to retrieve it. And of course, just then, Henrietta opens the door. She opens the door to find the object of her desire down on bended knee, holding out a huge, diamond engagement ring, and cries, "Yes!" before Ted can explain. Screeeeeeeeeeeeeech. Take the needle off the record.
I don't know what set me off. I mean, regardless of my note to the writers, I think the on-the-hook story is a workable idea for a HIMYM episode, but the execution did not sit well with me. Maybe it's because this season has already made me hyper-conscious of the hook in my mouth, so I can't help but feel like the episode is taking a shot at the fans. Aside from that, isn't hookedness a lesson people learn by the time they're in college or shortly thereafter? Aside from that, am I the only one who thought characterization was sacrificed at the altar of plot -- and sacrificed at the altar of plot for the sake of jokey-moments that weren't worth it? The cherry on top is, of course, the continuing and unbearable undoing of Barney. Must he morph into a shadow of the Fonz? Right after Barney found out Tiffany was a Pharma-Girl and Ted declared Pharma-Girl is "just a job," Barney's verbal gymnastics took me right out of the episode, and back to the Happy Days when Fonzie couldn't say he was wr-wr-wrong. That's pathetic. This show isn't Happy Days, and lately, it's not even feeling like it's HIMYM.
Regardless, I'll see you week for "Of Course," guest-starring J. Lo as the self-help author to whom Robin turns when she finds herself still angry with Barney. In the meantime, come on over to the forum, where you're always off the hook, but you may encounter some locker room talk.
In addition to HIMYM, Cindy McLennan covers The Vampire Diaries and Lost (talk about hooks) for TWoP. If you want to do her laundry, please email her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or hook up with her on Twitter.
After hitting up the forums, add "hooked" to our HIMYM Dictionary.