While 1:45 AM is the start of the workday for Robin, it's nearly last call for her mates at MacLaren's. She's hoping for news and gossip, but all they've got is the same old same old: Lily's students ate paste; Marshall forgot his pants at work; and Barney used deceit to hook up with an airhead. Oh and… Ted's college-era ex moved to town!
Lily tells Robin that Karen was a douche, and Marshall one-ups her. "She was heiress to the Massingill fortune." Whatever. She turned Ted into one of her douche-zombies. Lily warns Ted he's never allowed to get back with her. Marshall can't even stand the thought of Ted calling her to join them for drinks. Ted and Karen were always off an on. They'd be fine together -- douching it up, then she'd cheat on him (usually in his bed), he catch her, the guy would say, "Sorry, bro," and then Karen and Ted would break up. Ted would get depressed; Lily and Marshall would wait the appropriate amount of time to tell him they hated her; and then he'd get back together with her. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
When the gang makes it perfectly clear Ted shouldn't even call Karen, he admits he's already had lunch with her. They had a great time, laughing at what pretentious asses they were back then ("were" ahem). And then? They kiss! In the restaurant. Lily and Marshall are furious so Ted tries to distract them with the details of Marshall's pants story, but Lily won't be swayed and gets Ted to admit he took Karen back to his place. Trying to get Lily to chill, Ted says, "It was just that night. And the three after that. And one morning." And this time, Ted wasn't the cuckold, but Karen's meathead hook-up who got to say, "Sorry, bro." That is, Karen was cheating with him! Ted again brings up the pants story. Marshall tries to deflect, but Barney's been aching for it to be told, so they finish it. After shooting hoops at the GNB gym, Marshall realizes he doesn't have his pants and sprints to the office in his suit coat, shirt, tie and boxers. Lily brings him pants, but because she's in a hurry, she hands them off to Barney, who agrees to deliver them to Marshall. And he does. After shredding them like he's Edward Scissorhands, which sets up Bilson and the other guys in the meeting to ridicule Marshall mercilessly. Barney's the only one who finds the whole pants story funny, and laughs so hard he falls out of his booth.
Back to Ted and Karen: In a flashback, we see Ted call out Karen for having a boyfriend. She says they've been drifting and she's been meaning to break up with him, but she's unable to tell people how she really feels. Ted gets that; and he claims he has the same problem, so he decides to start now, by telling Karen she's a hurtful, reckless person and he doesn't want to see her again. She tries to finagle his douchay au revoir into a promise that they'll meet again, but Ted can only say, "Sorry, bro." And he leaves. Hooray, Ted! He says it was good for Karen, too. Later that night, she had the uncomfortable break-up conversation with Jerry. Lily realizes that if Ted knows this, he talked to Karen yet again. Ted speedily confesses that once she broke up with Jerry, Karen called him, they hooked up, and they've been dating ever since, and he totally knows it's going to be different this time. And? She walks into the bar. Lily and Marshall are about as thrilled as the fandom. Ba pa ba pa ba pa ba pa ba dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then read up on "awesome," "lawyered" and "Major Lowblow" in HIMYM: The New Verbiage!
"Sorry Bro" represents, I think, much of what makes this show different from so many sitcoms. It sails right over the choppy wake of last week's "The Stinsons" and right back into the center of my TV-loving heart, weaving a beautiful pattern throughout the story, one that sometimes doesn't stand out, until you get some distance from it. Well done, Show. Let's get to it, shall we?
Saget!Ted invites us in, narrating over shots of Robin at the Come On GET UP New York! anchor desk: "Back in 2009, your Aunt Robin got a job hosting a morning show, which meant she had to get up kind of early. How early?" The screen fades to black and a title card appears which reads: "1:45 AM." Oh, my. Since you don't actually exist, I can be completely rude: Are you sure you don't want to have a baby, Robin? Sure, the hours aren't any better at first, but they do improve, plus? You can keep your jammies on. Or off, for that matter. The baby doesn't care, as long you're not stingy with the dry diapers and the warm boobies.
Robin graciously ignores my meddling as she carries her morning coffee into the bar at the aforementioned 1:45 AM. She's bright as a penny and ready for work and a whole new day, while her friends are still washing the dregs of the last day off them, with copious amounts of MacLaren's booze. And while I get Barney being there, just because he's him, it seems a little strange that an architect, a lawyer, and a kindergarten teacher -- all of who are 30-ish -- are still at a bar at this time of the morning, on a weekday. But I was a mother at 28, so what do I know? No, I do not have an agenda. I'm just sayin'... Robin's friends tease her about the potential audience for a 4:00 AM show: people who getting up to host shows at 5:00 AM; meth addicts who haven't yet sold their TVs; strippers in that messy grey area between getting off work and getting their kids up for school; recappers who love the rush of staring a deadline straight in the eye. Robin takes it in stride, saying, "Them's my peeps." What up, Robin?
What she really wants is to find out what she's been missing since her latest schedule change. Marshall says, "Just the usesh..." (as in usual -- I don't know how to spell that). But Barney won't let it go at that. "Robin, think of the funniest thing that has ever happened... Now double that." Robin says, "So a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos?" What is it about the monkeys, or -- well, I guess chimpanzees are apes, not monkeys, and I'm not inclined to piss one off as of late -- but why do we laugh at them so? Anyhow, Barney tells Robin, "Something even funnier than that happened to Marshall today." Marshall says that there's nothing funnier than the chimp in a tux, and his is just not that good of a story. Robin's unconvinced. She wants the dish from her friends, and she wants it now. Lily tells her that some weeks are like that -- the same old, same old. A kid in her class ate paste, and Barney deceived a less-than-brilliant girl into bed. Ted fakes a blasé face: "My ex-girlfriend Karen moved to town. It's just -- it's all the same, Robin."
While Lily fairly growls Karen's name, and the others react with unintelligible noise, Saget!Ted narrates over the flashbacks: "Kids, I think I've told you about Karen. She was my girlfriend in high school and intermittently through college." We see their high school prom picture. Ted's hair is wild. And Karen is a pretty (although blonde, when I prefer the ginger version) Laura Prepon. Karen and Ted make out on Ted's bunk while Marshall and Lily play cards, and Saget!Ted continues: "She was beautiful, smart. I was madly in love with her. The only problem was -- Marshall and Lily were not. I think it had something to do with every time Karen opened her mouth." We see Karen makes snooty comments about loving how "American" it is that Ted and Marshall live in a dorm: "It's like. 'Let's all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist.'" Hello!
Flash forward to MacLaren's. When Lily proclaims Karen "such a douche," Marshall one-ups her: "Dude, she was heiress to the Masingill fortune." Did you write that one down, too? Ted tries to explain away her behavior, but Marshall and Lily won't let him get away with it, saying that Karen turned Ted into one of her douche-zombies. Ted? Surely you jest. Ahem. We flash back to Karen, Marshall, Lily and Ted each eating a Cup O' Noodles in the dorm. When Lily asks for the salt, Karen pronounces her "so bourgeois." And I'm kinda with Karen here, not that using salt is the hallmark of the bourgeoisie, but who needs salt on ramen soup of any kind? Gah. I need a drink just thinking about it. Where's my wine? Ahh, that's better. , Karen asks, "What's that?" while pointing at...at TV. And you know, there are people in my life I love who are some of those people (yeah, I know) who never watch TV, but they don't freaking pretend they don't know what one is. Marshall, eating from a giant fruit bowl, calmly says, "That's a TV, Karen." Ted is, of course, enthralled that she doesn't watch. I bet he'll even think about it, the time he settles down in front of the tube with a sandwich. In the segment, Karen tells Marshall, "You thought I actually bought tickets to Wrestle Mania? I was being ironic." Ted says, "Totally," while Marshall tries to act casual...in his Ultimate Warrior costume. He claims that he too was being ironic, but then Lily shows up in her Hacksaw Jim Duggan get-up, and the jig is up.
Back in the present at MacLaren's, Marshall complains that the makeup took a month to come off and he's never looked like a bigger jackass. Barney says, "Until today...tell the story. Tell the story. Tell the story." Marshall tries to shut him up, but Robin wants to know the score. Barney tells her it's so funny, that nothing else will match up for the rest of her life. Eventually, Marshall gives in. He starts out explaining that he was at the GNB gym, playing basketball, but Barney interrupts his account to play the I-wanna-say it, no, you-say-it, no, I-wanna-say-it game which I won't recap here. Just as Marshall's about to spill, Barney yells, "Marshall forgot his pants."
We flash back to Marshall making his stealthy, pantsless little way to his office (he has his gym shorts on, but why he didn't wear whatever pants he wore to the gym -- in March -- in New York -- in the first place -- is beyond me). Barney is the only one who thinks this is funny. Expect this to continue throughout the episode, but right now, it's time for the...
Oh my, we're only at the theme song? I've got to tighten up this beast. Hang onto your hats. So...while Robin can see the humor in Marshall forgetting his pants, it's no, "Chimp wearing two tuxedos." But really, what is? Ted brings the conversation back to himself, and Karen's move to New York. Lily warns him about getting back together with her. Ted says he doesn't want to get back together with her, "But would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?" Marshall says, "It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing." Here's his list:
1. Super volcano.
2. An asteroid hits the Earth.
3. All footage of Evel Knievel is lost.
4. Ted calls Karen.
5. Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily adds, "I'm Lily, and I approve the order of that list." Hee. She proceeds to tell Barney and Robin the whole story. Ted and Karen were off and on throughout college. They'd be having fun, "douching it up," and then Ted would catch Karen in (his!) bed with some meathead. The meathead would sniff and say, "Sorry, bro," Karen would tell him to read something rather high-brow (e.g. "Before you say anything, I think you should read Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal.") Tu mettrais l'univers entier dans ta ruelle / Femme impure! L'ennui rend ton âme cruelle. You know? Ted would agree, and then get depressed. After a suitable amount of time had passed, Marshall and Lily would tell them how much they hated Karen. Lily explains: "And then Ted would build up a head of steam and finally take the bus to Providence, to give Karen a piece of his mind." We flash back to Ted arriving back at his dorm room, telling Marshall and Lily that "it" went "great" and then Karen enters the room behind him. Current-day Lily says, "And then sure enough, the whole thing would start all over again." It would and did, right down to a new meathead in Ted's bed with Ted's woman, sniffing "Sorry, bro," at Ted.
Ted tries to play this off as one of those things we all do in college and later live to regret. Personally? I dated a soul-sucking demon for three years. Ask me how! Anyhow, and by way of example, Ted says, "Junior year, Marshall grew a soul patch, wore a Rasta hat, and asked everyone to call him M.J. Smoove.." Marshall says, "I don't regret that for a second." Ted brings the conversation back to himself, confirming that the gang doesn't think he should call Karen. They voice their disapproval loud and clear. Ted then admits to already having called her. Everyone yells at him, although Barney just yells for more of Marshall's pants story. Lily sneers that he might as well ask her to lunch. But Ted says, "I'm not going to ask her out to lunch. Again." Uh-oh. Lily's furious, while Marshall is incredulous. "Why would anyone want to have lunch with their ex?"
Barney's more sanguine. "I'm glad you asked, Marshall. There are four possible motives behind an ex lunch. 1. They want to get back together." Flash back to Lily and Scooter, who buys her lilies and when she's anxious to see the waiter to put her order in (and finish up her lunch with Scooter) Scooter's response is desperate: "Why? You like waiters? I can be a waiter. I'm going to be the greatest waiter on this earth, and they you'll love me!" Flash forward to Barney at MacLaren's. "Number 2, they want to kill you." Flash back to Barney's lunch with Wendy the Waitress, after their dalliance. When Wendy goes to take something out of her purse, Barney assumes it's a gun, and flees in terror. Of course, it only turns out to be a tie -- and because HIMYM is good to us, it's the tie Barney's wearing for all the non-flashback scenes in this episode. Sigh. Thanks, Show. Flash forward to MacLaren's. Barney says, "Number 3, they actually do want to give you your stuff back." We flash back to Robin's lunch with her ex, Curt, who pulls a gun on her -- relax, he's just returning her snub-nosed .38 Police Special. Robin's relieved she didn't lose it somewhere; now she can relax while watching the news. Oh, Robin. Flash forward to MacLaren's. "Number 4, to rub your face in how great they're doing." Flash back to Marshall's lunch with Nicole Barsamian, his ex... in, oh, about the first grade. Hee. She's happy to report she's now seeing someone who reads at a 5th grade level. Poor Marshall, no wonder he's against ex lunches. Flash forward to MacLaren's. Marshall insists Ted cancel his lunch with Karen. Ted says he'll definitely do that -- or would, but they've already done lunch. Lily wants to borrow the butt of Robin's gun, but she's already misplaced it, again. Commercial.
Barney's more sanguine. "I'm glad you asked, Marshall. There are four possible motives behind an ex lunch. 1. They want to get back together." Flash back to Lily and Scooter, who buys her lilies and when she's anxious to see the waiter to put her order in (and finish up her lunch with Scooter) Scooter's response is desperate: "Why? You like waiters? I can be a waiter. I'm going to be the greatest waiter on this earth, and they you'll love me!" Flash forward to Barney at MacLaren's. "Number 2, they want to kill you." Flash back to Barney's lunch with Wendy the Waitress, after their dalliance. When Wendy goes to take something out of her purse, Barney assumes it's a gun, and flees in terror. Of course, it only turns out to be a tie -- and because HIMYM is good to us, it's the tie Barney's wearing for all the non-flashback scenes in this episode. Sigh. Thanks, Show. Flash forward to MacLaren's. Barney says, "Number 3, they actually do want to give you your stuff back." We flash back to Robin's lunch with her ex, Curt, who pulls a gun on her -- relax, he's just returning her snub-nosed .38 Police Special. Robin's relieved she didn't lose it somewhere; now she can relax while watching the news. Oh, Robin. Flash forward to MacLaren's. "Number 4, to rub your face in how great they're doing." Flash back to Marshall's lunch with Nicole Barsamian, his ex... in, oh, about the first grade. Hee. She's happy to report she's now seeing someone who reads at a 5th grade level. Poor Marshall, no wonder he's against ex lunches. Flash forward to MacLaren's. Marshall insists Ted cancel his lunch with Karen. Ted says he'll definitely do that -- or would, but they've already done lunch. Lily wants to borrow the butt of Robin's gun, but she's already misplaced it, again. Commercial.
Flash back to Karen and Ted's lunch. They laugh about how pretentious they "used to be" and then their waiter arrives. And because this show gives good love, the waiter is Scooter, earning Lily's love, even though she may never know it. Karen proceeds to tell Scooter about an error on their wine list. Ted gasps, while Karen advises Scooter to alert the sommelier. Meanwhile, Ted goes off-menu, because why not be pretentious, when you're Ted and you can? Flash forward to MacLaren's. Ted says it went great, and just got a little awkward toward the end. Robin says, "How do you say good-bye in those situations? A kiss on the cheek is too familiar. A handshake is too formal." Barney adds, "And a hug is just like a public dry hump." Ew. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! Marshall agrees and tells him, "I think you're hugging wrong." See? Lily wants to know what happened. And I'm sure she's sorry she asked, because the lunch date with Karen ended with a kiss -- a passionate kiss. Lily tells him, "Ted, honey, I want you to go outside and bite the curb. I'll be out in a minute." You know, I love the sweetness between her and Marshall, but I think I love their nastiness even more.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- 9
- 10
Ted takes off the gloves. "Okay Lily, let's be honest. We both know your real motivation here. You hate Karen because she...lingered." Lily calls him a son of a bitch, and we flash back to Ted and Marshall's dorm room. Lily's painting a nude portrait of Marshall when Karen barges in. She apologizes and heads right back out, although she takes her time taking in the Marshall merchandise. She then comes back in again, using a critique of Lily's color palette (it's derivative of early Van Gogh) as her excuse, but her eyes never leave Marshall. Flash forward to MacLaren's. Lily says, "Cheat on Ted, criticize my painting? Whatever. That's your business. But I catch you peeping on my man's junk and you linger? You gots to get got." Robin agrees. "The game is the game." Marshall steps to Karen's defense. "I had just worked out." Ted asks why Lily was painting Marshall nude, anyhow. She says, "Because, he ate my bowl of fruit," because this show wants you, needs you and loves you with all its heart, and just can't stop giving these little continuity-gasms. Let the haters say what they may. We know the truth. Lily's less philosophical. "The point is, Karen is a dirty lingerer, and you cannot bring her back into our lives."
Ted tells Lily to just relax. It was just the one night. "And the three after that. And one morning." He takes a beat, then looks at his best friend. "But at least I had pants on, Marshall! ... Actually, I didn't." Robin's a bit gobsmacked that this all happened in their apartment, but doesn't know anything about it. Ted chalks this up to the sleeping pills Robin is taking to help her adjust to her crazy new schedule. We flash back to Ted and Karen making out, and Robin's so out of it, she thinks Ted is making out with Lily and promises not to tell Marshall. Another night, Karen makes disparaging comments about beer, then goes out to the kitchen to decant the Bordeaux, only to find Robin sleep-eating some gooey ribs. [Hasselhoff flashback! - Z] Flash forward to MacLaren's. Barney explains to Ted that his prior, pathetic existence was all just B.S., i.e. "Before Stinson." He then loses his train of thought, so Robin picks the conversation back up and asks what's with "this broad." Marshall says, "Please, the story's already written. Ted is Charlie Brown, trying to kick the football, and Karen's Lucy, who pulls it away at the last second and has sex with it." He grosses everyone out with that one, even Barney. His point is: Ted's going to fall back in love with Karen, then she's going to cheat on him with some meathead who's all, "Sorry, bro."
Ted teases that Marshall must have left the right answer in his pants, because that's exactly what didn't happen. Saget!Ted narrates during the flash back which can be boiled down to this: One afternoon, Karen and Ted were having sex at her place, when some guy walked in, was shocked to find her in bed with someone else, and Ted sniffed out a, "Sorry, bro." Saget!Ted says, "So this time, the meathead Karen was cheating with..." Flash forward to MacLaren's. Current-day Ted says, "...Was me. Ted. Me." He again tries to direct the conversation to Marshall's pants story. Marshall gets all self-righteous about Ted now being complicit in breaking some guy's heart. He pokes Ted with his finger -- his voice but a growl. "And you! You of all people know exactly how that feels." Robin calls Marshall out on really not wanting to tell the pants story. Barney chants like a two-year-old, until Marshall finally gives in. As we already know, he called Lily for pants. Flash back to GNB. Lily brings him a pair, I suppose because she's got this thing about other people lingering on her man's junk, but who knows. She's in a hurry, though, so when she runs into Barney, she tells him she's in a hurry but came by to give something to Marshall. Barney's mind goes to the gutter. Well, strictly speaking that's where it lives, yeah? So after some double entendre about her "giving it" to Barney and Barney then "giving it" to Marshall (Barney says, "I don't know about that. I mean, yours would have to be really good"), Lily explains that Marshall forgot his pants and asks Barney to deliver the new pair from her, so that she can dash off. And this B-plot has only been funny all along, because it's not funny at all -- to anyone but Barney. And here's the funniest part yet... to Barney. He licks his lips. "It's a good thing that you came by, because he has a really important meeting today, and it would be pretty embarrassing, a-a-a-and not at all funny... if he were to show up... not wearing pants. So... I'll make sure he gets these." Lily hands over the pants and takes off.
Flash forward to MacLaren's. Ted accuses Barney of not delivering them. Barney says, "Theodore Evelyn Mosby!" Hee. "Of course I gave him his pants. I gave Lily my word. My word is oak." Oh, dear. I think he just turned into Beau Bridges in Jerry Maguire. Barney considers his drink and smiles. "Although... I did make some alterations." Flash back to GNB. Barney makes like Edward Scissorhands and Renfield's lovechild as he -- shall we say -- tailors Marshall's pants. Cut to Marshall's meeting. He's handing out a contract, but the guys all razz him asking him when he joined AC/DC, and suggesting that the Oliver Twist auditions are down the hall. Everyone laughs and the camera zooms out to give us a full shot of Marshall, and his now knee-length, jagged-edged pants. Barney adopts a British accent that makes him sound more like Ricky Gervais' David Brent, than poor Oliver: "Please sir. May I have some more... pants?"
Flash forward to MacLaren's. Barney laughs so hard at the retelling of his "more pants" crack that he falls right out of the booth and onto the floor. The gang looks at him with pity and confusion. Robin turns to Marshall. "That's it? That's the whole story?" Marshall and Lily give her a dirty look I can't quite figure out. [I think it's a lingering dirty look at Barney. - Z] Then Marshall asks Ted if that's all that happened with Karen. Lily offers to finish the story for him. Remind me to never her piss her off. "Ted left without saying anything and Karen got exactly what she wanted." Ted corrects her. "Not this time." Flash back to Karen's bedroom. Ted confronts Karen about having had a boyfriend during this whole time they've been together. She says she and her s.o. have been drifting and she's been meaning to break up with him, but she has a hard time with this stuff. "I'm great with books. I'm great with art. I'm great with identifying French wines from within a mile of where the grapes are grown, but... I'm really bad when it comes to looking someone in the eye and telling them the truth about how I feel." Ted gets that; and he claims he has the same problem. Funniest gag of the night. Regardless of how very wrong Ted is about that, he decides to start now (you know, "now"), by telling Karen she's a hurtful, reckless person and he doesn't want to see or speak to her again. "Au revoir." Yeouch! She gets pedantic about the translation of au revoir, in an effort to finagle his douchay au revoir into a promise that they'll meet again, but Ted can only sniff and say, "Sorry, bro." And he leaves. Yay, Ted!
Flash forward to MacLaren's. The gang stands, cheers and claps. Robin says she's impressed with Ted. She adds, "You too, Marshall. Have you been wearing those all day?" The camera pulls back to show us Marshall's still wearing Barney's practical joke. "They show off my calves." Lily gets her little turned-on grin. Barney begs to hear the pants story again, but the gang ignores him, while Lily admits to Ted that maybe it was good he called Karen. He says it was, and it was good for Karen, too. Later that night, she had the uncomfortable break-up conversation with Jerry that she'd always avoided with Ted.
Saget!Ted narrates: "So you see, kids, sometimes when you have to have a tough conversation, the best thing to do..." Lily cuts him off...except not, because she's in the present with us, not in 2030 with Saget!Ted. Oh, you know what I mean. Anyhow, Lily wants to know how -- if Ted was never going to speak to Karen again -- he knows about her break-up with Jerry. Ted's caught. As he hems and haws, we see a blonde woman descending the stairway from the street to the bar. Ted quickly says, "Right. About that... After she broke up with that dude..." He looks over his shoulder toward the door, and spits out the rest of his story in double-time. "She called me, we went out, we hooked up, we've been dating ever since. We're really seeing eye-to-eye. It just feels different, somehow. Here she comes now. Be cool!" He rises to his feet and greets her with open arms, a hug and a kiss. And the rest of the gang says her name, "Karen," as if she were something against which one should be inoculated. And she may well be. Are you ready, fandom? I hope you've had your shots.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then read up on "awesome," "lawyered" and "Major Lowblow" in HIMYM: The New Verbiage!
Cindy McLennan now wishes she'd titled this recap "Do You Have To Let It Linger?" but that's water under the bridge, now. She recaps Lost and How I Met Your Mother, then torments her children with snippets of stories about these shows that she will never, ever let them watch. It's fun! Try it with your kids, and let her know how it works out at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com.