Lily and Marshall host an early morning TV-watching Pajama Party, so the gang can finally watch Robin's show. When Ted arrives, still wearing street clothes, he announces that he and Karen have broken up, because she found one of Robin's earrings in Ted's bed. Karen wouldn't believe Ted hadn't been cheating. She then walked out on him, after he stressed he's been the historically faithful partner. As Ted changes into his jammies in Marshall and Lily's bedroom, he spies the match to the earring Karen found in his bed. Ted confronts Marshall about it -- assuming he planted its twin. He mutes the TV, which is showing Robin's COME ON, GET UP NEW YORK! show. Lily finally admits she planted the earring to break up Karen and Ted. In her defense, Lily presents the Front Porch Test. Whenever Ted's been dating someone for a while, Lily imagines the four of them together in their dotage, playing Bridge on the front porch of their beach house. Karen failed; she had to go. Lily admits to having done this before, but never when a girl showed promise -- like Victoria or Stella. When Ted realizes Robin's name is notably absent from Lily's list of exceptions, he calls her on it. She admits that she did try to get Ted and Robin to talk about their issues, but only accidentally fed them the words that led to their breakup.
The night at MacLaren's, Karen takes Ted back, because Lily confessed her manipulations. Lily's note of apology informs Ted that she's set up a surprise for him and Karen, in his apartment. Karen tells Ted that they can never again have anything to do with Lily, so Ted tries out the Front Porch Test on Karen -- imagining sitting there with her, while reading Marshall's obituary, after years of separation. He then dumps her, because although it shouldn't matter what his friends think of his girlfriend, it matters what his girlfriend thinks of his friends. With Robin, Ted enjoys the dinner Lily left him and Karen. And in a scene overflowing with unresolved sexual tension and unfulfilled romance, he and Robin talk about their relationship, and make a pact that if they're still alone at age 40, they'll be each other's backup.
Meanwhile, in the B-Plot, Marshall turns Barney on to the glories of the nightshirt. And in the C-Plot, Robin has a really big night at work, which her friends completely miss. I'll be back tomorrow with the full weecap. Until then, mahalo, little Barney.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then check out our updated guide to HIMYM lingo in HIMYM: The New Verbiage!
At its outset, I did not have high hopes for How I Met Your Mother's fourth season, but once I got to know your mother's fourth season (sorry), I found myself more in love with it than I ever expected. Somewhere around "Wooo!", the worm turned (and yeah, I'm sort of abusing that phrase, but let's just go with it). The season hit its stride -- and hasn't looked back. I know "The Front Porch" has elements in it that are less than popular, particularly among some hardcore Barney/Robin fans, but it's among my favorite episodes of the season. The writers and director use restraint with the more over-the-top antics -- leaving them in the background, so they only season the story; they don't overwhelm it. But best of all, like any good episode of How I Met Your Mother should, "The Front Porch" plays with our perception of time, takes risks with characterization, and thwarts the tendency to become overly romantic by being...unapologetically romantic. So, let's get to it -- shall we?
Over a shot of Ted and Karen happily entering MacLaren's, Saget!Ted narrates that in March of 2009, they had been dating for a few weeks. When get to the booth, not only are Lily and Marshall openly apathetic when greeting the couple, so are Barney and Robin. Say what you will about the Duke and Duchess, at least they're gracious enough to pretend they're oblivious to Ted's friends' open hostility. How bad is it? Marshall golf-claps when Ted announces they can't stay long. Then again, future-Ted is our narrator, isn't he, and he's less than reliable, so perhaps his friends' lack of manners and his own heaping helping of grace should be taken with a grain of salt.
Karen notices Robin's new diamond earrings. Robin takes her interest as a compliment, but of course Karen is working the conflict diamond angle, and is anything but complimentary, because she's the Duchess. And no, I'm not cheerleading for the diamond industry here, but when you really care about a cause, there's a time, a place, and a way to educate people about it -- one that engages their interest and (hopefully) wins them over to your side. Embarrassing them and condescending to them ain't never gonna get the job done. I don't care what the cause is. Karen sneers that exploited miners in Sierra Leone would be high-fiving Robin's bargain shopping, if only they had all their fingers, and then takes her leave, telling Ted she'll meet him upstairs. Once she's out of earshot, Robin says, "They only need one finger to give her what I'm thinking."
Marshall says, "Yeah." He looks down at his beer -- his expression grim. "Ted, Karen's a douche." Ted thanks Marshall for "sugar-coating" it, so Marshall assures him that was the sugar-coated version. And okay, in general, I'm a little tired of words with distinct feminine connotations being used as insults on TV (and yeah, Supernatural, I'm looking at you), but...? Ha! Ted informs the group that his friends don't get a vote on his girlfriends, because it's his life, so he "calls the shots." Karen pops her head back in the MacLaren's door and...calls the shots, and Ted follows her like a puppy just out of obedience school.
Barney can't imagine what Ted sees in Karen...until he remembers she has boobs. Sigh. Lily speculates that Ted's attachment to Karen is largely based on the fact that they first got together back in high school. Marshall says, "We look at Karen and see a jerk. Ted looks at Karen and sees the first person to touch his wiener besides himself, his mom and his pediatrician." Oh, Show. Robin changes the subject. Thanks, Robin! It's 2:00 AM. She has to head off to work. Lily complains about Robin's job being considered a morning show -- because to her, 4:00 AM is the middle of the night. I'll note that Robin has beer in front her, this time, rather than coffee. I think that's your answer, Lily. Personally, I don't understand how you do it, Ms. Aldrin.
Seriously, let's look at this. Robin can go to work then go home and sleep as long as she'd like. Lily's up drinking until -- let's see -- it's nearly 2:00 AM now. She and Marshall have to make their way back to Dowisetrepla. Even taking into consideration the magical speed with which our beloved characters navigate Manhattan, if Lily is asleep by 3:00 AM, she's probably lucky. And then she has to spend a day looking at kindergarten students, who -- although adorable -- constantly put their fingers where they ought not. Yeah. After a ridiculously late night of drinking she does this? I feel my gorge rising just thinking about it.
Robin says she's now used to the hours. "Plus, the show isn't half bad, right?" While Lily and Marshall mumble vague, non-committal affirmations, Barney denies ever having seen even a second of it. He's lying as baldly as Lily and Marshall, right? I mean -- he used to record her on Metro News 1, for pity's sake. Anyhow, Robin realizes none of her friends watch her show (okay, again, we know Barney must, but this is her take). Her face falls. "Okay yes, it's dull and generic and we get spanked in the ratings by that Korean channel that only shows Kim Jong Il riding a horse, but guys, it would mean so much to me if just once, I knew my friends were out there watching." Marshall steps up to the plate and invites everyone to Dowisetrepla on the coming Friday morning, for a Robin-watching, non-sleeping pajama party.
The title card reads: 3:30 Friday morning. Marshall and Lily are wearing their jammies and robe. Lily's does a decent job of hiding Hannigan's baby bump. Barney's still in his suit. Maybe he sleeps in it. While Lily whines that she just wants to go to bed, Marshall says, "I hate Robin for not being more successful." Hee. The gang is exhausted and completely lacking in the enthusiasm due their friend. But then Ted walks in and announces that Karen dumped him -- and surprise, surprise, they find their joy. So does the fandom. No offense to the lovely and talented Ms. Prepon, who has acquitted herself of the Karen role quite well, but if the mother turns out to be someone like her HIMYM character, my DVDs may well end up on eBay the day, with a "Buy-It-Now" of a buck per season. Shipping included.
Back from the opening credits, Marshall and Barney are still celebrating Ted's pain, now with a chest bump, and the sight gag is made of extra win, thanks to the relative size differences between Segel and Harris. Barney then puts a stop to the revelry, by reminding everyone Ted's just been through a bad break-up. Ted nods, so Barney says, "Look, buddy, tell us everything. Tell us what happened. Seriously, spare no details. What did she say? What did you say? How did it feel? If you were to do it again, all over, would you maybe..." And if you're anything more than the most casual viewer, even if you happened to miss this episode, you surely already know that Barney has been backing out of the living room during this entire line of inquiry, but that doesn't make it not work. Oh, no -- thanks to NPH's skill, it's simply vintage Barney. Once he's made his escape to a back room, Lily asks Ted how it happened with sincere interest. Ted explains that it was the stupidest thing, and we flash back to...
Ted's bedroom: Ted and Karen are sitting on his bed, having a playful pillow fight, spurred by a conversation worthy only of their Duchy -- which one of them is lowbrow enough (implied) to actually be a fan of 2002 Chiantis. Karen stops when she finds an earring. Ted supposes it must be Robin's, so Karen accuses him of sleeping with her, but he denies it, figuring it ended up on his bedclothes from the laundry. When Karen wonders why she should believe him, Ted says, "Um, maybe because I've always been faithful to you, while you've cheated on me like six times, bitch." Oh, snap. And we flash to...
Dowisetrepla: Lily says, "Oh, snap." See? While Marshall says, "Cold blooded!" Ted says, "Right! Right?" His smile fades. "I totally should have said that." Oh, yeah, you should have. Lily throws up her hands in frustration, and we flash back to...
Ted's bedroom: When Karen asks why she should believe him, Ted's a little less assertive and a whole lot more passive-aggressive. Because he's Ted. "Um, maybe because I've always been faithful to you while you..." He pauses when he sees Karen raise her eyebrows. He squirms. "...I love you." Karen's expression changes from angry to hurt and perhaps humiliated. Maybe she realizes that phrase has become nearly meaningless when uttered by Ted to a woman in whom he's interested. Her voice drops. "I knew this was a mistake." She stands and grabs her coat from the foot of the bed. "That's it. It's over." She leaves Ted sitting alone on his bed, his mouth hanging open and we flash forward to...
Dowisetrepla: Ted tells Marshall and Lily, "And that's it. She left." Barney comes back to the room and sighs. "What a story. So brave of you to share that." But that's not the only funny part. He is now in his jammies, and his jammies are a satin version of a suit. He does sleep in one! When Lily says she can't believe he sleeps in a pajama suit, Barney asks what she thought he'd sleep in. Ted deadpans: "A coffin." Good one, Ted, particularly at 3:30 or 4:00 AM, after a break up. Lily agrees with me, smiles, and pats Ted's knee in approval. Marshall says Barney's pajamas can't be comfortable. "You're wearing a tie." Barney corrects that it's a "sleeping cravat." Then he lectures the gang that it's not about comfort, it's about looking good all the time. He explains his theory as we flash back...
Barney's place: The doorbell rings, and Barney answers to find two bikini-clad beauties explaining they were just having a "Who's hornier" contest (oh, Show). They say they spilled massage oil all over themselves, compliment Barney on his jammies, then ask to use his shower. Barney smiles and nods at the camera. Cue the music.. We flash forward to...
Dowisetrepla: Ted says that's not a memory, it's a porn movie. Lily starts to say specifically which porn movie when she remembers herself. After the boys catch her drift, Barney makes his point: it could happen. Right. He contends that if he didn't look his best all the time, he'd regret it. Marshall rises and tells Barney his suit pajamas are the most ridiculous jammies he's ever seen. Then he removes his plaid robe to reveal his... nightshirt.
Barney can barely contain himself. "Marshall's wearing a nightgown." He takes his own pulse. "Marshall's wearing a nightgown. Hey guys, you know how in the future we're always saying, 'Remember when Marshall wore a nightgown'? THIS IS THAT TIME!" Bravo, Show. That's such a great moment on a couple of levels. The first is, obviously, NPH. Again. The second is Barney's nod to the series' conceit. The third is that, remember, Ted is telling this story to his children in 2030, so he probably inserted those lines in Barney's mouth by way of explaining this Uncle Marshall story they'd only been half-hearing until now (or I guess that's "now"). Marshall's calm response (that it's just a nightshirt) is the icing on the cake. Barney says Marshall can call it a "Ninja star danger jock if you want. Doesn't make you any less of a cross-dresser." Marshall doesn't care how many manly-man words Barney strings together to mock him. He's all, "Whatever, dude. It's comfy." So of course, Barney must go off on a tear. Never you mind him, Marshall. Self-confidence is sexy.
Oh, right, Barney's tear: "So, flying to Neverland with Peter and Tink, was that amazing?" Barney raises his hand. "Ooh, let me go ! Was it nice to finally get out of that crowded bed..." His giggles threaten to break his stride. "...and take Charlie to the chocolate factory?" His hand shoots up again. "Ooh, me, me, me, me, me!" A beat. "Something... about Scrooge!" He looks to Ted and Lily, who are seated to his left, on the couch. They smirk, but don't join in. "Come on, guys. I'm carrying the team."
Lily shrugs. Ted straps his overnight bag over his shoulder and stands as he explains that he lived with Marshall for 12 years and figures any time he's clothed, it's a win, which is a great callback to Marshall's unemployment-fueled underpants days. Ted high-fives Marshall, then walks off to the bedroom, to change into his own jammies, which are simply scrub pants and a T-shirt. From the other room, Lily hollers out that Robin's show is about to start. Ted says he'll be right there, but on his way out, he spies something on Marshall and Lily's bureau. He picks it up, and with Marshall's little model robot looking over his shoulder, we see it's an earring -- but not just any earring -- it's a match to the one Karen found in his bed.
Lily, now seated in the chair closest to the TV, switches it on. Against a cheesy, water-coloreque rainbow background, we see the title card for Robin's show: Come On, GET UP, New York! The TV show within a TV show's camera zooms back to reveal the title card is just a close up of the anchor desk, which Robin is sharing with an older man. Barney, Marshall and Lily clap as Robin starts her intro. Someone mutes the TV before she can say, "Sherbatsky." That someone is Ted. He tells Marshall he found the earring on his dresser and accuses him of planting the other one, so that Karen would get angry and break up with him. Marshall? Don't be ridiculous Ted, or you'll soon be the Duke of Dickdom. Clearly, Lily did it. And to give Lily her due, she admits it before things go too far awry between her spouse and his best friend, but not until after Barney offers the lame, but impassioned excuse that Marshall was just accessorizing. Do you think he was in on Lily's plan? Think about it during the commercial. Commercial!
After the break, Ted demands some answers from Lily, who goes on about only operating out of concern for what's best for him.
TV Show Within Our TV Show: Robin holds up a framed picture and the camera zooms in on it. From left to right we see her, Barney, Ted, Marshall, and Lily. And I think what might be a $2,500 bottle of McKenna, because Robin's showing the picture that Wendy the Waitress took of the gang (in the then future) at the end of "Intervention." (I'll touch on the timeline continuity issue this raises, at the end.) Robin points to her friends in the photo, then the camera zooms back out to show her smiling, and positively glowing as she waves in a way that's clearly meant to be for her friends who are dutifully watching at home.
Nobody's watching Robin at home. Lily's getting into the thick of it with Ted and tells him that Karen failed her Front Porch Test. Ted wants to know what that means, and Lily prefaces her answer with a reminder that she, Marshall and he have been best friends since college.
TV Show Within Our TV Show: Robin is still holding up the picture, and although we still can't hear her, we can see she's moved to tears talking about her nearest and dearest.
Lily explains that whenever Ted's been dating someone for a while, she imagines the four of them together far into the future, after they're retired. In her vision, they're having tea on the front porch of their beach house and playing Bridge. And we flash forward to...
Imaginary Future Beach House: I usually hate aging makeup, but it's not bad, here. Sure, Marshall looks a lot older than Ted, but a lot of that is due to hair loss and weight. The aging makeup is much better than Lily's imagination about what's involved in the game of Bridge. In her imagination, the players say things like "Bridges are wild," and "Four of a bridge beats a royal bridge," and "I see your Bridge and I raise you three bridges." When Marshall "wins" he throws down his hand and yells, "BRIDGE! I win." And we flash back to...
Dowisetrepla; The Present: and oh my word, I didn't expect recapping these jumps would take the same level of intricacy as covering the most recent episode of Lost. Barney calls Lily out on having no idea how to play Bridge. Lily says they'll take a class. Marshall (the old man of the group in so many ways, despite his childlike innocence) says, "It's important to stay active." Lily goes back to her explanation of the Front Porch Test. The short of it is -- Karen failed. We flash forward to...
Imaginary Future Beach House: Karen arrives on the porch, just as Marshall wins his hand. She complains about them playing Bridge yet again, and says, "Don't read a book or anything." Ted distracts her by pointing out the dolphins in the water, but she's probably long since lectured Lily on her diamonds, so what's a duchess to say? This one says, "They seem happy. I guess the chemical runoff from this elitist beachfront property hasn't rotted out their blowholes yet. It will. That water will kill you. It is a toxic deathtrap." Lily deadpans: "I'm going to take a dip." Marshall says he'll join her. Hee. And we flash back to...
Dowisetrepla; The Present: Lily explains that Karen failed the Front Porch Test. "She had to go." Ted can't believe Lily has done something like this to him, so Lily says, "Ted, think about how awesome you, me, and Marshall are. Seriously. Think about it." He pauses and the camera zooms out to reveal...
TV Show Within Our TV Show: Robin's hosting a cooking segment. The chef reaches across the stovetop and his sleeve catches fire. He waves it around, which only serves to fan the flames. Robin rushes out of view then runs back in with a fire extinguisher and saves the day! She must be thrilled her friends are watching her.
Robin's friends never watch her. They're still analyzing Lily's machinations. Ted's in agreement with Lily that they're an awesome threesome, so she explains that whoever he marries has to be able to get over the "high bar" required for entry to Team Awesome (does this make anyone else think of Chuck?). Lily doesn't try to pretend she did the right thing, and Marshall sticks up for her, noting that Ted is better off without Karen. Barney says, "And if Clarence the angel says it's true, it must be true." (Whee! You can judge for yourself, here at about the 1:40 mark.) Barney wants five reasons why Marshall would wear "something like that," so Marshall gives him a list: "One: No need to wear anything underneath." Ted vouches for that, and asks Marshall to please cross his legs. Marshall obliges and continues. "Two: Sexy." Lily vouches for that and asks Marshall to uncross his legs. Marshall obliges again, with a "Hmmm," and an adorkable hand flourish. "Three: My Grandpa Olaf wore one and he lived to be 107. Four: No elastic waistband leaving its judgmental pink teeth marks around my Thanksgiving belly. And five: Every night when I go to sleep, it's the freest, most wonderful feeling in the world. I feel... like I'm flying." Cut to...
Marshall's Dreams: In an homage to The Big Lebowski that I only got thanks to the posters in the episode thread (and a link I found easily, only because Alan Sepinwall found it first), Marshall soars over the city a la The Dude as Bob Dylan plays in the background.
Back in the real world, Marshall gloats that every night, he goes to bed, "happy, weightless -- with a heart full of joy," and asks Barney how his nights measure up. Glumly, he admits to having to lie perfectly still so he doesn't wrinkle his "suit-jamas." He waits a moment, then cracks, "But at least I'm not wearing a dress." Lily ignores this -- and Robin's TV show -- and asks Ted how mad he is. He tries to be way more understanding than I would, even though I'm firmly on Lily's side that Karen had to go. Openly undermining a friend's toxic relationship is risky and isn't pretty, but secretly manipulating one to hasten its demise is nothing short of betrayal. It's a testament to Ted's character and to the bonds between Lily, Ted and Marshall that he's even trying to understand, but Ted goes further, and allows that it all may have been for the best.
TV Show Within Our TV Show: The older man who accompanied Robin at the top is now giving the weather report. He clutches his chest as if in pain, and collapses, ripping the green screen on his way to the floor. Robin rushes to him, drops to her knees and administers CPR. What a sight for her friends to see.
Robin's friends don't see. Lily tells Ted, "I really am sorry. I hated doing that again, but Karen had to go." Ted latches on to the word "again" and gets Lily to admit that she's manipulated breakups between him and no less than six girls. In their sophomore year, Lily realized that Ted's latest -- Angie -- was only using him to get back at her ex, so she planted a Creed CD in a napping Angie's dorm room, realizing that pretentious, college-aged Ted would dump her over her musical taste. Of course the CD was Marshall's, which makes it even funnier. And it's funnier still to me, because I misheard "Creed" as "Creedence" and momentarily thought pretentious, college-aged Ted was a way bigger...duke than I'd previously imagined, and was ready to rant about how all his taste lives in his mouth. Ahem. Lily also confesses to breaking up Ted and "that weird sci-fi girl who wanted him to propose after two months." In the flashback, Ted's dressed as Luke Skywalker (complete with cheesy wig), standing in line with someone in a Chewy costume. They're in front of an Episode II poster when a slight, short, feminine-shaped Darth Vader comes up and dumps Ted, and leaves him with a "Live long and prosper," which is totally Star Trek, right? Of course, wee Darth Vader isn't Sci-Fi Girl, she's Lily, but Ted doesn't realize that, and seemingly, neither does Marshall (which is odd). He removes the Chewy mask before letting out a Chewy-growl. I'd rag on them for the timing of that, but I'd much rather join Mindy Monez in ragging on the Sci-Fi channel for changing its name to SyFy, because, SyFy? Are you kidding me? Ted is gobsmacked by the levels to which Lily has stooped, but she defends her actions by informing him that he's a "commitment junkie."
TV Show Within Our TV Show: Robin interviews a visibly pregnant woman (who is NOT, despite what chat in the forums might indicate, played by Alyson Hannigan). The woman-not-played-by-Aly appears distressed and starts Lamaze-type breathing.
Ted reminds Lily that one of those women could have been the mother of his children. Lily says she never interfered if there was even a chance that the girl was the one, "like with Victoria or Stella." Ted adds, "Or Robin." Lily raises her eyebrows. Ted lowers his voice. "Or Robin?" Lily makes like she's trying to recall the name. Ted sits forward. "Did you break us up, too?!"
TV Show Within Our TV Show: When her guest falls to the floor, writhing in pain, Robin rises to her feet.
In a beautiful parody of A Few Good Men (which I caught without help from the forums, but I still nicked the video link from Sepinwall), Lily lays it out for Ted. "Stop talking to me like I'm your enemy! You weep for these women, but you have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that those breakups, while tragic, probably saved you from a crappy and very expensive first marriage."
TV Show Within Our TV Show: Robin is now on her knees, between the laboring woman's legs. No one helps.
Ted restates his question about Robin. Lily doesn't back down. "You don't want the truth, because deep down, you want me out there watching out for you. And deep down, you know that none of those women were ever gonna be the mother of your children." Again Ted asks if Lily broke up him and Robin. Lily says, "I did what I had to do." Ted screams his question at her, one last time. Lily finally yells back, "You're damned right I did!"
TV Show Within Our TV Show: Robin delivers the baby. She cries as she cradles its naked form in her hands.
Barney comes back into the Dowisetrepla living room in a nightshirt, praising Grandpa Olaf's wisdom. Ted turns toward him in disbelief.
TV Show Within Our TV Show: A tearful, joyous Robin holds the baby up for the camera. (Good thing they don't come wearing socks. I'm just saying.)
Lily and Ted continue to argue, until -- fed up -- he goes out to the kitchen to get another beer, despite the fact that it's morning. This gives Marshall and Barney a chance to revel in their nighties. When Barney notes that he feels a little breeze "down there" Marshall advises him to stand over the heating register. "It's like your junk is on a tropical island." Barney joins him and says, "Little Barney says, 'Mahalo'." Ted returns with his beer, still yelling at Lily. Her only defense is that she cares about him.
Just then a bedraggled Robin, in singed, torn, bloody clothes, enters Dowisetrepla. She's obviously pumped. "I'm so glad that's the one you guys watched." Barney looks at her. "Dear God, what happened to you?" Robin's smile disappears. "You didn't watch my show?" Ooops. We catch sight of Lily sitting on the couch, remote in hand, tuned into a news item involving police cruisers. She quickly shuts it off. When Barney asks what happened on the show, poor Robin says, "Same old, same old." Awww, don't worry, Robin. Barney will have it on YouTube by the morning. Ted then catches her up on the fact that Lily broke the two of them up. Lily explains she never wanted them to break up; she just wanted them to discuss their issues. Her Front Porch Test for them shows them playing Bridge. When he gets a Two-Of-Hearts, Ted makes a bitter comment about the hearts of the two children he never had because Robin hates kids, while Robin whines about the deuce her career dropped after she married Ted. Robin declares, "Bridge, I win" and back in the present, Marshall is very unhappy with that outcome. Hee.
Lily protests that she never knew she was feeding Robin and Ted the words that would lead to their breakup, but the flashbacks show exactly that. Catching each of them alone, Lily asks where they see themselves in five years. There's then a clever cut to Robin and Ted's restaurant conversation in Something Blue -- when they realize they have an expiration date. Back in the present, Ted lambastes Lily (like she deserves), because you just can't manipulate people like that. Never patient with his friends' more emotional moments, Barney breaks in and it seems like he's going to try to mediate, but in truth, he just wants to know how the nightshirt feels in bed, Marshall takes him to his bedroom, to try it out. And that clicking sound you hear is nothing but the keyboards of a million slashers following their latest plot bunny. If you ignore it, it will go away. Robin joins Ted in his confrontation of Lily. Lily plays her hand wisely, and tearfully mentions that if they'd had a worse breakup after a longer relationship, she and Robin might never have become best friends. Robin cries and says, "Don't even say that, okay." Bridge! Lily wins. Ted yells at them to stop hugging. "Lily, you had no right to interfere in my relationships. You got lucky. Okay? You met the love of your life in a dorm hallway when you were 18. But that doesn't give you the right to play God to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone. You're so concerned about who you and Marshall are gonna end up on that front porch with. Well, you know what? You can have it to yourselves." He stomps off in the general direction of Marshall's bedroom. I say he's going to change back into his street clothes, but the slashers are yelling, "TRICYCLE!" Silly slashers.
Lily turns sadly to Robin, then takes a good hard look at her, and realizes the state of her clothing and asks what happened to her jacket. Robin says, "Oh soot, bread crumbs, placenta. Did you at least TiVo it?" Lily shakes her head regretfully, and the people in the forums spend five pages arguing about how much of a live show various DVRs will save when not actively recording the show, and Barnes finally has to shut them down.
In bed, Barney marvels at the fact that Marshall can be dressed so comfortably every night, and yet Lily will still have sex with him. They then have the most adorable conversation about marriage -- that only these two actors could pull off, and manage to keep it sweet, despite its sexual nature. My favorite line is Barney's, in response to Marshall's claim that sometimes he wakes to the smell of breakfast cooking: "And coffee, too?" The line most revealing of Barney's character growth is when he presents the following scenario to Marshall: "And sometimes, when you're worried you've made all the wrong decisions in life and you're not nearly the man you want to be, what does she do, then?" Marshall says, "Well, she tells you that you're great, and it's all gonna be okay." Barney's dreamily enthralled, and, as he dozes off, he wonders if a wife will find her husband other women with whom he can have sex. Marshall shrugs and supposes that if there was a prior agreement in place, she just might. When Barney's asleep, Marshall coos, "Little guy had a big day. We'll talk about it, tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Slugger." He snuggles down, closes his eyes and folds his hands across his chest, and drifts off to dreamland, where he's again flying a la The Big Lebowski (and Peter Pan) but this time, Barney joins him. They high-five one another in mid-air.
The Night; MacLaren's: Saget!Ted narrates that he was still angry with Lily, "Until..." Current-day Ted walks up to the bar and sees Karen there, who says Lily went to see her and explained everything. She then hands Ted an envelope. "And she gave me this note for you."
Over a shot of Lily scribbling away, Alyson Hannigan narrates the contents of the note: Ted, I'm sorry. It doesn't matter to me who you marry. I know they'll be awesome because they'll think you are. To show I mean it, I put together a little surprise for you and Karen, upstairs. Love, Lily. Ted smiles, then furrows his brow. Jason Segal narrates: P.S. Sorry the envelope was already open. I had to read what she wrote. Marshall. Ted smiles, again, at least until Karen opens her mouth. "Sabotaging our relationship? I've got to say, even using the specially-ordered extra low bar by which I judge your friends -- Lily really outdid herself this time." That's a lovely photo negative of Lily's "high bar" comments, earlier. But Karen doesn't know about that, and adds, "Obviously, we can't ever see her again." Ted's eyes spring wide open. Karen lays her hand on his arm and smarms, "I know. It's a big loss, right?" And we flash forward to...
Ted's Version of the Imaginary Future Beach House: He and Karen sit on the porch alone. She brings up his college roommate and the "shrill little idiot girl" to whom he was married. Ted smiles and looks off. "Marshall! Oh, it's been so long." Old-Karen's all like, "Yeah, whatever, here's his obit." Old Ted scoops the paper off the table, and we flash back to...
Ted's Apartment: Robin's wearing adorable red-flowered jammies (that don't really hide Cobie's pregnancy all that well, and I'm sort of glad because she looks so cute). Ted says, "And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it sure as hell matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends." Aww, although I don't think either should control a person like that, that's still pretty sweet. He ended it, and invites Robin to be his "plus one" for the dinner good-cook Lily left at his now candlelit table, for him and Karen. I can't help but imagine Karen sneering at this lovely, comfort-food laden meal consisting of Beef Pot Pie, Mac & Cheese, homemade buttermilk biscuits (someone in the forums pointed out her "wheat allergy"). Fortunately, we don't have to watch it, and I don't have to recap it, because Karen is gone baby, gone! Ted's still the Duke though, because, referencing his Front Porch Test, Ted says, "No wonder Marshall dies at 68." A part of me hopes that Lily, even deep in the throes of contrition, cooked a meal she knew would show Karen to be the duchess she is.
Saget!Ted narrates over a montage of Ted and Robin drinking wine, eating, laughing and talking, and says that they ended up doing what Lily wanted them to do all along -- they talked about their relationship. They come to terms with the fact that Lily sort of broke them up, and speculate about what would have happened, if she hadn't interfered. Ted finally says, "But Lily was right. We weren't ready. We both needed to move on, do our own thing." Robin seems to catch her breath as she nods, and appears less than convinced, which is a lovely continuation of her residual romantic feelings for Ted that she's shown us throughout this season, particularly in "Intervention," and in ""Shelter Island" and "Benefits." Ted adds, "Still do, I guess," but his lingering eyes make a liar out of him. Even though I'm overly ready for the Robin/Barney hi-jinks to begin, I love this scene, because Ted and Robin never so much fell out of love as they decided to stop being in love. Sure, there was the episode after their slip in which they saw each other at the gym and completely turned off of one another, sexually, but that was the exception, not the rule. I don't think the show can do Robin/Barney or Ted/the Mother any justice, unless and until we see them move on in real ways like this. This is show-not-tell writing at its best. Robin takes the first step. Her tone lightens and she says, "We should make a pact. If the years go by, and we both turn 40, and we're still single..."
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Cindy McLennan is a huge sap, don't you think? You can write and tell her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com