The gang's at the apartment and we see a title card that says, "eight months ago." Ted and Robin are all snuggly on the couch and SagetTed informs us that back when he and Robin were still dating, they had a joke that only the two of them out of the whole world found funny. Why not put it in a sitcom and test that theory? Barney is arguing with Marshall that March has 31 days. Marshall bellows that it doesn't and that this fact is general knowledge. "General Knowledge," Robin and Ted say in unison, both saluting. Oh man, it's gonna be one of those jokes. I can already see the marks in the soil where it's getting run into the ground. Slide-transition to MacLaren's where SagetTed says the joke continued. Lily is reading an article about corporal punishment. "Corporal Punishment," Ted and Robin salute. Oh, how they laugh. SagetTed says that something like that is really hard to stop. Back at the apartment one night, everybody's watching a movie. Marshall says he has a popcorn kernal stuck in his teeth. "Colonel Stuck-In-My-Teeth," they say. Everyone else is really sick of it. "I hate you!" Barney announces.
The present day. SagetTed says that now that they were broken up, this happened: Marshall is talking about getting a major pay raise. Instead of saluting Major Pay Raise, they just let it slide. Robin and Ted exchange a look. SagetTed says that although it seemed like they were doing well as friends, they really weren't. Being friends with your ex, he says, is hard. Welcome to the corner of Obvious and We Already Knew That, SagetTed. I bet your kids already know it, too. He says you can't be as candid as you once were. In an apartment flashback, Ted is telling Marshall and Barney about a girl in his office who was leaning over. He could see she had a pierced -- he cuts himself off as Robin and Lily are walking toward the front door. Ted awkwardly pronounces Pierce Brosnan to be his favorite Bond. Was it really worth selling out Sean Connery? Was it? Back at the bar. SagetTed says that most importantly, you can never be alone together. Barney's leaving, Marshall is going to pay and Lily is heading to pee. After an awkward moment, Ted says he's going to help pay. Robin's going to help pee.
Ba ba pa pa! (SLAP!) Sorry, just getting ready for it.
MacLaren's. Lily throws a big frozen lump on the table. "We have turkey!" she announces. So why is she dressed like a pauper from Oliver Twist? Lily's excited this will be their first big Thanksgiving together. Like on Friends? Marshall says this is going to be the best Slapsgiving ever. Barney, looking worried, says, "What?" Marshall says it's gonna be the best Thanksgiving ever. Robin says she's invited her friend Bob. You can't invite people to someone else's dinner! Rude! Lily says Robin's only been on like three dates with this guy and they haven't met him. Bob didn't have anywhere else to go. Lily is bent out of shape about it. She thinks 30 years from now, they'll look at photos and say there are the four people they love most in the world...and Bob. Robin says she's "Sore-y" and forgets how seriously Americans take their Thanksgiving. She says real Thanksgiving happened over a month ago. Barney, making fun of her "Sore-y," asks if she just called Canadian Thanksgiving the real Thanksgiving. He asks what Canadians even have to celebrate "aboat." Robin explains Canadian Thanksgiving and I still don't get it, even after years of having very close Canadian friends. As soon as I hear "Northwest Passage" I'm already dozing. Can't you Canadians just cook up a damn turkey and pretend you were founded by pilgrims? And, like, store the turkey for another month? This message brought to you by America: Yes, we are that fucking arrogant. Pass the butter. Barney asks why they're even a country. Dude, I'm sayin'! Marshall says everyone can come over early to watch the Slapsgiving Day Parade. Barney notices it again. Marshall announces that he invented a new holiday: Slapsgiving. Marshall says it's the one day of the year we all get together and (turning deadly serious) give out slaps. Barney starts to sweat.
Split screen: "You guys slept together last night!?" The audience should be on a third screen saying it, too. Everyone agrees it's a terrible idea. Barney announces a "relapse five." You give a high-five, feel awkward, and then high-five again. I like it better when The Todd does these. Lily recaps their recent events of Robin's dating life while she throws in non-sequiturs like, "That is a truth-fact" and "Ka-Blammo." Lily asks why Robin is trying to destroy American Thanksgiving. She says the night before was a fluke. Lily asks if they at least talked about it. Side-whoosh to Robin and Ted getting dressed after sex and awkwardly not talking about it. Back in the present, Robin wants to talk about it. Ted really doesn't. He tries to say that some mushrooms are carnivorous. Probably. Not. They get into an argument about who started the sex. Ted says she "leaned into it" like a Little Leaguer. Ted drops some mushrooms, breaking a dish. "Oh, no! The slappetizers," Marshall says to a rattled Barney. Lily is fed up. She throws Ted and Robin in Ted's room to sort this out. Marshall offers to calm Lily down by putting something on the computer. She thinks it's music, but it's actually the Slap Bet Countdown site. It says 2 hours 45 minutes 20 seconds, but Marshall says, "Look at that! That means we're in the final hour of the countdown!" Barney says he's not scared, but his cheek is twitching. Marshall thinks it's happening because Future Marshall slapped Future Barney so hard that it caused a reverberation in the time/slap continuum. Barney cracks. He cries that he doesn't want to get slapped again. It hurt a lot last time. He doesn't like it one bit. Barney confesses that Marshall made it so much worse with the countdown. He can't sleep, he can't eat, he's lost 10 pounds. He says his suits are wearing him. Barney moves to leave. He says Marshall can slap his face, but he shouldn't be able to slap his mind. Mind-slapping! Marshall doesn't want Barney to go. It's Slapsgiving! Lily yells that it's Thanksgiving. She says it's their first one as grown-up married people. She's mad at everyone. As Slap Bet Commissioner, she rules that there are no slaps on Thanksgiving. "In your face!" Barney yells, "not my face, your face!" Bob walks in, saying hi to his "dudes." Lily tells Marshall her word is final and tells him to go mash some potatoes. Bob brought a bunch of Jell-O shots. "We's gon' get silly, bitches!" he announces. Barney gives him a high-five.
SagetTed fills in the details of the "Slap Bet" episode, along with clips of slaps. I think we're missing the one from the apartment, though. The one from the bar wasn't one of the five Marshall was awarded. We see the SlapCountdown.com web site. Back at the bar, Barney says that the countdown ends at 3 PM, the day after Thanksgiving. Ted asks Barney how many days there are in October. "Uh, 30," Barney says. Does Barney not own a calendar? Ted says he thought they cleared this up. Flashback to Barney coming into the bar dressed as Borat and saying Halloween is "niiiiiice." Ted tells him it's also tomorrow. "Dammit!" Barnorat says. Back at the present time, Barney tries to get out of being slapped on Thanksgiving. "Slapsgiving," Marshall corrects. Barney asks for a ruling from Lily, the Slap Bet Commissioner. She's worried about her expensive China, but she'll allow it. Marshall beams. Barney tries to pretend he's not scared or freaked out. He fakes that Marshall showing his hand has ruined the suspense of the slap. Marshall says that at 3:01 PM on Thursday, Barney's face is going to show his hand. He strokes his own cheek for emphasis. Barney is terrified.
Robin's boyfriend Bob arrives at the bar. She tells everyone that he's a little bit older: 41. SagetTed says that Bob probably looked like this: in walks in a gray-haired but very hearty guy who greets Robin. SagetTed says that when you're broken up, you tend to exaggerate flaws. He says that he saw Bob like this: a very old man comes to the booth and says, "Hey dudes, what's crackin'?" Your hip, maybe? Bob talks about just getting off the phone with his parents, who are trying to get him to sort out his life. "Parents?" Ted asks, incredulously. Bob says he told them to "chillax" and that snowboarding is a legitimate career. I feel bad for Bob because this running gag is already gasping for breath. Live, damn you! Bob gives Robin a big kiss. They go to get a drink. Ted can't believe Robin's dating Orville Redenbacher. No one else see what Ted is talking about. Ted says he's 150 and Robin is 27. Even Barney won't bite. Lily says they're making pies at Robin's because Marshall can't be trusted overnight with an apartment full of pies. He makes the case for delicious sleep-eating. Ted asks what time they're going so he doesn't end up at Robin's alone with her.
We cut to Robin's apartment. Ted shows up way late, at 9:30, but nobody else is there. Ted asks where Marshall and Lily are. Cut to Lily working in fast-motion in her kitchen while Marshall sits on the couch watching TV and exercising his slapping hand. Side-whoosh back to Robin telling Ted that Bob is out seeing Green Day. Awkward pre-pie-making conversation. They have nothing to talk about. Ted calls Barney and tries to get him to come over. Barney, at the bar, agrees. Turns out he's just making up an elaborate story about saving a soldier's life for a girl he's trying to impress. Ted figures it out. He asks if Barney is coming over to make pies. "No, no. Thank YOU, Mr. President," Barney says.
The day. Lily asks Marshall if he's helping with the cranberries. Marshall says he's only got so many hands. He holds up an attractive row of hand-turkeys made of construction paper. He holds them up for Barney to see. Marshall says they're going to eat turkey, and later he's going to slap Barney in the face. He's so happy. It's awesome. Barney goes on about the suspense being taken out of the slap. He says in horror movies, the killer doesn't announce when he's going to kill the teens. "P.S., fire is my one weakness," he says. Robin shows up. She goes to talk to Lily while Ted goes speak to Marshall. In split-screen, they each tell their best friend that something weird happened the night before. My wife, who's not even paying attention asks, "They slept together?" Oh, sitcom.
Ted is telling Marshall the story of what happened. We flash back to Robin's kitchen, where she and Ted have nothing to say to each other as they make pies. Ted explains that it's hard to talk to your ex alone. Barney tries to jump in and say that you don't want to hurt someone you care about, especially during the holidays. Marshall says he's still getting slapped. Damn right. Ted says he couldn't leave Robin to make the pies alone; she was exhausted.
In Lily's kitchen, Robin says she yawned a million times to get Ted to leave, but he wouldn't take the hint. Lily tries to get Robin to take the hint that she's busy cooking. Robin doesn't help. Robin says that when Ted panics, he says the same thing that comes to his head. Flashback to Robin's kitchen: she tells Ted that the first pies came from ancient Egypt. Ted: "Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had sex seven times?" Ugh. Everyone in the present day agrees that that was really bad. Robin, the night before, puts out another Egypt fact in hopes of defusing the situation. More cooking. Robin is making a pecan pie. Ted asks why they're making that. Robin lies that it's her favorite. Ted says she's allergic. Robin says she just likes to smell it. "So we're making a pie for Bob," Ted realizes. Are you dizzy from all the flashbacks? I sure am. In the present, Barney seems to disagree with the notion of making a pie for Bob. "Yeah, that's a real slap in the face," Marshall adds. Back to last night: Ted and Robin are having an argument about jealousy. Ted pretty cruelly makes fun of Bob's age. He says Bob was actually at the first Thanksgiving, got chocolate from Noah on the Ark and discovered fire. Robin asks why he's bashing on Bob so hard. She says it's mean. Robin says that she's not sleeping with Bob, unlike Ted with his recent string of conquests. She asks why it's so weird to make a pie for Bob if they're such good friends. Ted yells that she should have told him that's what they were doing. Ted goes to leave. They apologize. And say they're glad to be friends. And hug. Then start kissing. Oh darn.
Split screen: "You guys slept together last night!?" The audience should be on a third screen saying it, too. Everyone agrees it's a terrible idea. Barney announces a "relapse five." You give a high-five, feel awkward, and then high-five again. I like it better when The Todd does these. Lily recaps their recent events of Robin's dating life while she throws in non-sequiturs like, "That is a truth-fact" and "Ka-Blammo." Lily asks why Robin is trying to destroy American Thanksgiving. She says the night before was a fluke. Lily asks if they at least talked about it. Side-whoosh to Robin and Ted getting dressed after sex and awkwardly not talking about it. Back in the present, Robin wants to talk about it. Ted really doesn't. He tries to say that some mushrooms are carnivorous. Probably. Not. They get into an argument about who started the sex. Ted says she "leaned into it" like a Little Leaguer. Ted drops some mushrooms, breaking a dish. "Oh, no! The slappetizers," Marshall says to a rattled Barney. Lily is fed up. She throws Ted and Robin in Ted's room to sort this out. Marshall offers to calm Lily down by putting something on the computer. She thinks it's music, but it's actually the Slap Bet Countdown site. It says 2 hours 45 minutes 20 seconds, but Marshall says, "Look at that! That means we're in the final hour of the countdown!" Barney says he's not scared, but his cheek is twitching. Marshall thinks it's happening because Future Marshall slapped Future Barney so hard that it caused a reverberation in the time/slap continuum. Barney cracks. He cries that he doesn't want to get slapped again. It hurt a lot last time. He doesn't like it one bit. Barney confesses that Marshall made it so much worse with the countdown. He can't sleep, he can't eat, he's lost 10 pounds. He says his suits are wearing him. Barney moves to leave. He says Marshall can slap his face, but he shouldn't be able to slap his mind. Mind-slapping! Marshall doesn't want Barney to go. It's Slapsgiving! Lily yells that it's Thanksgiving. She says it's their first one as grown-up married people. She's mad at everyone. As Slap Bet Commissioner, she rules that there are no slaps on Thanksgiving. "In your face!" Barney yells, "not my face, your face!" Bob walks in, saying hi to his "dudes." Lily tells Marshall her word is final and tells him to go mash some potatoes. Bob brought a bunch of Jell-O shots. "We's gon' get silly, bitches!" he announces. Barney gives him a high-five.
Ted's room. Robin whines that they can't be together. Ted says they aren't really friends. They avoid each other, smile politely. He says they only pretend to be friends because it's convenient. Robin wonders if they should stop pretending. "Maybe we should," Ted says. They agree to go eat dinner, then that's it. They're both sad. Robin leaves. "Happy Thanksgiving," Ted says.
Dinner, later. Everyone is sitting together. Barney asks if Marshall's "Slappetite" was ruined. He thinks Lily might want to say a few words. "Nope. This sucks. Eat up and leave," she says. Marshall stands to give a toast. He says Lily did something great by starting a new tradition. Marshall says they're going to do this every year, maybe for the rest of their lives. Ted and Robin exchange looks. They're trapped! Everybody toasts. "This is rad!" Bob says. He talks about his family and how with 10 kids, his family is always chaotic at Thanksgiving. He says it's a major buzzkill. "Major Buzzkill!" Ted and Robin announce. Everyone thought they were done with that. Apparently they aren't, Ted and Robin agree.
Montage of happy eating. SagetTed says that friendship is an involuntary response. He says it was a wonderful dinner with four people he loves and with Bob. It did become a tradition. He says that's why they go to Lily and Marshall's every year for Thanksgiving. Barney busts out the laptop and shows the countdown. He says it's the last 20 seconds, counting down to nothing. Lily tells him to put it away. Barney stands, taunting Marshall, asking how it feels to be so impotent, his large flaccid hand dangling in the wind. The countdown starts rattling off the numbers out loud. Barney continues taunting. Lily, mad, tells Marshall he can slap Barney. Marshall, giddy, stands and slaps Barney. Barney spins and lands on a tiny end table, flattening it. Everybody laughs. "That's three!" Marshall announces. He's composed a song for the occasion. Ted adjusts the lights. Marshall goes to the piano. It's pretty and slow. And funny. Marshall sings: "What is this feeling that's put you in your place? A hot, red burning on the side of your face." Barney sits on the floor, rubbing his cheek. "You feel the blood rush to your cheek. Tears start to fill your eyes. And your lips are trembling, but you can't speak. You're trying, oh, you're trying not to cry. You just got slapped!" Barney sings: "Oh, oh!" "Across the face, my friend!" Barney: "Oh, oh, oh!" Marshall: "You just got slapped!" Barney: "Whoah, oh, oh, oh, oh!" Marshall: "Yes, that really just happened!" Barney continues with the "Oh, oh, oh, ohs." Marshall: "Everybody saw it. And everybody laughed and clapped." Ted and Robin hold up lighters. Bob holds up an open cell phone. Marshall: "It was awesome. Wait, you just got slapped." Barney holds his cheek. Best song ever. Right up there with "Slap On You Crazy Diamond." "Happy Slapsgiving, everybody," Marshall says.
Kitchen. It's a big mess. Ted says this is going to be a major cleanup. "Major Cleanup," everyone salutes, even Barney, Lily, and Marshall. Marshall bemoans the fact that they're going to be doing this all the time. Robin: "That's the general idea." Everyone salutes General Idea. And we out. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Slap someone you love.