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Before I start, I want to say hi to Miss Jenelle, which I meant to do that in last week's recap but forgot. And I'm sure she'd rather have her name associated with an episode about sweet ATV crashes and illegal drugs than Stacy being Stacy anyway.
And now, the episode: two guys ride an ATV through the hills of New Jersey. The guy driving it "woo"s excessively and pronounces the ride "way cool." He is "way lame." He's also the other rider's father, and tells the kid he can't drive the ATV because he's too young and the dad had to sign fifteen pages of forms just to let him ride on the back of it. "I don't see any lawyers around," the kid says. That's right you don't! Stacy is GONE! Hooray! Son begs Dad for a ride until Dad gives in. Even as a passenger, Dad still "woo"s. Things are going great for all of three seconds before the kid's eyes start winking oddly and his hand squeezes the accelerator. Dad warns his son to slow down, but soon goes flying off the back of the ATV. He sails through the air without letting out one "woo." He hits the ground, seemingly unhurt as he jumps up and chases after his son, who rides right off a cliff and into some giant pipes that are apparently filled with nitroglycerin, judging by how they explode upon contact with the ATV.
House is reading a medical journal that is definitely not written in English. He's using a dictionary to translate, probably after trying to use Babelfish and getting something that looks like it was written by ace reporter Fletch during his aphasia. Foreman enters and is immediately able to identify House's text as Hindi. Impressive. House says he's reading an article written by a friend, which immediately casts doubts on his story, since we all know that House doesn't have any friends. Foreman hands House the charts on the ATV kid, Adam, who's suffering from tachycardia and low potassium levels that can't be explained by his burns.
House and Foreman walk down the hallway, where they're quickly joined by Cameron and Chase, who appear behind them from out of nowhere. There are a few explanations for Adam's heart problems, but once House sees him in all his crisply-burnt glory, he notes that doing an EKG to figure them out will be impossible. Chase the Eternal Optimist doubts that Adam will even survive the burns, but House says that Adam's burns are only on 40% of his body, so while he's in for a lot of pain and some nasty scars, he will survive as long as he doesn't get infected with anything. And as long as House and company can cure whatever's ailing him now. House figures out a way to get that EKG: they can use an old-timey string galvanometer, which was how the first EKGs were obtained back at the turn of the last century. The Cottages wonder how they can get their hands on hundred-year-old medical technology. House suggests the local Radio Shack, established in 1878.