A young girl shows her mother her latest work of art. Mom compliments the girl's drawing of a farm and its various animals. Some "supermom" this woman is: you never assume what your child is drawing because, more often than not, what looks like a horse is really supposed to be a bear. SuperMom then hangs out in the kitchen with other not-quite-as-super moms, giving them tips on a dish that involves Haas avocadoes. Ha! Show me people on the East Coast who habitually use Haas avocadoes in their recipes and I'll show you some people who are habitually disappointed in the taste of their food. Last time I was on the East Coast, I had some avocadoes in my sushi that were crunchy like carrots. Never again. SuperMom then gets a phone call about some work project that isn't going well, and takes a minute to admire her friend's pregnant belly. Friend nosily asks SuperMom if she's had any luck in the makin' babies department. "Not for lack of trying!" SuperMom SuperOvershares.
SuperMom heads into the living room, where her husband is watching some kind of sports event on the TV. SuperMom pauses the television to tell her husband about all of the things she'll be doing today while her husband sits on his ass, and then has a weird arm spasm. She brushes it off...
...but has another one as she's on her way into the car, which she also ignores. The third time it strikes, it can't be ignored, as it takes over all her limbs while she's starting her car, throwing a rather humorous chain of events into motion: the flailing leg presses on the gas while her spasm-y arm throws the car into drive. None of her out-of-control limbs sees fit to land on the garage door opener, though, so her plow into the garage is quite destructive indeed. SuperMom sits in her car, twitching and flailing away, until her husband finally gets off his ass to see what's wrong.
Wilson and Cuddy are shocked to see House come to work on time -- early, even -- smiling at people and wearing a clean, ironed shirt. Wilson is assigned to investigate further and follows him to the elevator. House cheerfully greets Wilson and asks how the hospital was while he was gone, since he is apparently just returning from his trip to Baltimore that we saw a month ago. If it's supposed to be the day, New Jersey must have gotten hit with one hell of a warm front, since all that snow that cancelled airplane flights has melted and everyone's wearing spring clothes. Or maybe House just decided to hang out in Baltimore for a month.
By the time Wilson and House exit the elevator, House has told him the whole story about how he and Stacy kissed. I must say, I'm kind of annoyed that something that only took a short elevator ride to explain was presented to me as an hour's worth of unenjoyable Stacy time. Wilson asks House what he thinks Stacy's move will be, and whether he thinks she will leave her husband for him. House acts like he doesn't care, and Wilson lectures that this is a "big deal" and that House needs to talk to Stacy about it. He also thinks he and House "need to talk about this," because the writers on this show are apparently just as bad at portraying straight male friendships as they are female characters.
“ Cameron tells SuperMom that the MRI of her brain didn't show anything (anything wrong, that is. An MRI of a brain that didn't show anything at all would be StuporDad's, of course). ”
Wilson marches into Stacy's office and asks her what the hell she was thinking, cheating on her husband with House. Cold as ever, Stacy accuses House of being an "eight-year-old boy" for kissing and telling, but Wilson won't let her turn things around on House when she's the one who cheated on her husband. Good for you, Wilson! Stacy tells him to mind his own business, but Wilson protests that this is his business because he was the one "stuck picking up the pieces" the last time Stacy left House. Again, I'm pretty sure this is not something that a straight guy would say. Or any person of any gender and sexual orientation, really, because it's cheesy. Wilson says that House has been "pining" for Stacy for the last five years. Stacy accuses Wilson of being overly dramatic (true), and doesn't seem to really care much about House's feelings at all, either because she doesn't believe that they're as deep as Wilson claims they are or because she's cold and heartless. I chose to believe the latter because I hate Stacy and she hasn't demonstrated anything thus far that would show her to be anything but that. "You can't toy with him," Wilson says. "I'm not!" Stacy says in her emotion-whisper. She has to depend on her voice to show her intensity because her face can't. Finally, she admits that she just doesn't know what she's doing. She tries to look helpless, but can only mange an evil smirk.
The paralysis drug wears off, and SuperMom gets to open her eyes again. Cameron tells her that the MRI of her brain didn't show anything (anything wrong, that is. An MRI of a brain that didn't show anything at all would be StuporDad's, of course) and that her pregnancy test was negative. Foreman says that they have other things to test for, some of which are more "serious" than others. He takes a swab of SuperMom's cheek for the Huntington's test. "Is that one of the more serious ones?" StuporDad asks, because he is incredibly stupid. And, of course, he's brought Stella into the room so that she can be even more traumatized. SuperMom's arm flails return just in time for her to launch Cameron's anti-estrogen pills across the room. It's no drive-into-the-garage degree of disaster, but it really pisses SuperMom off. She lashes out at Stella, telling her to stop looking so scared, and then at StuporDad for bringing Stella there in the first place. I don't see anything wrong with SuperMom's second attack...
...but Cameron and Foreman take it to House as another symptom of Huntington's: increased irritability. House tells them to start her on some Huntington's drugs, even though they're dangerous drugs to give to someone who may not have anything wrong with her, and they only have to wait a day to get the test results back. House says that they might as well do it before SuperMom progresses to full-blown psychosis (in just one day? Come on) and deprives Stella of the chance to say goodbye to her. Then House turns to Chase and asks him if he would like "to tell the class how that feels?" Well, that's an inexcusably horrible thing to say. The guy's dad died less than a year ago and House knows the circumstances of it and Chase's relationship with him better than anyone else, and he still uses it as fodder for his little jokes. Of course, Chase just lets House get away with it, pausing for a moment to recollect himself and then continuing on with his job. Hey, Chase, if you aren't going to stand up for yourself, then House is going to walk all over you. Or not walk so much as limp, being sure to dig his cane into the space where your spine would be if you had one. Foreman gets a page and announces that there's a problem.
“ You see, Stacy only cares about other people's feelings when it's important to her own. If you don't make her happy because you're sick and dealing with your own issues, she'll find someone else. What a catch she is! ”
SuperMom has now taken to using her IV pole as a weapon. She really is good at finding multiple uses for everyday objects. I guess that's what makes her so super! She accuses StuporDad of trying to steal her daughter from her, since this is the one time StuporDad actually wised up and didn't bring her to the hospital room. Foreman explains to StuporDad that his wife is having a "psychotic break," and then SuperMom takes out a way-too-easily-shattered window before the Cottages tackle her and shoot her up with Ativan. SuperMom also informs us that Stella isn't StuporDad's biological daughter. I'm curious as to why she's the one taking fertility drugs to get pregnant with his biological child when it's obviously his StuporSperm that are to blame for their pregnancy problems. I'm sure they get in there and then promptly get lost and wander off into SuperMom's intestines or something before implanting themselves into her kidneys, mistaking them for eggs.
Later, SuperMom has calmed down, and her Huntington's test has come back negative. Good thing they didn't give her those dangerous unnecessary Huntington's drugs, then, isn't it? Foreman is baffled; he was sure she had Huntington's. You know, there's a really easy and fast way to rule out that a patient doesn't have Huntington's -- find out if her parents had it. If neither of them did, then their kid won't either. Of course, you still have to do the test to confirm that since everybody LIES and on this show, no one is the biological father, but it would have given them a pretty good idea of what they were dealing with and saved them some time. And they did do a family history, which we know because Foreman suggests "spontaneous schizophrenia" and Cameron rejects it, saying that there's no record of mental illness in SuperMom's family. I didn't know a family with no mental illnesses even existed, but I guess SuperMom's family is SuperMentallyHealthy. Cynical House wonders whether the source of SuperMom's SuperMomness is drugs, saying that cocaine abuse explains all her symptoms. Cameron already knows what's coming and jumps up to go break into SuperMom's home and look for her "stash." Foreman is chosen to accompany her, because, as House says "there's gotta be a reason for the stereotype." I certainly missed House's winning racist humor this past month.
All work assigned to others, House heads for Wilson's office, but the door is locked and Wilson doesn't answer when his friend knocks. "I know you're in there!" says House. "I can hear you caring." Apparently, Wilson's cheesy line disease is spreading. House circumvents Wilson's locked front door by sneaking in through the balcony, where he finds Wilson rolling a joint on his desk. This is why we respect locked doors -- because they're often a sign that the person behind them wants privacy. Wilson claims that the drugs are for one of his patients, which I find especially hard to believe, seeing as I can barely get any of my doctors to spend more than five minutes with me let alone prepare my illegal substances. Not that I'd want them to -- if I ever get cancer, I'd want my oncologist to spend all his time curing me, not wasting it rolling my J's. Or talking to his best friend about girl problems, which is what Wilson and House are doing now. House wants to know what Stacy said when Wilson talked to her. Wilson says he thinks that Stacy is waiting for House to do something. Of course she is -- she'd hate to have to put in any more effort. House says he doesn't think Stacy would be able to leave her husband while he was in rehab -- "too much guilt." "She left you," Wilson points out. You see, Stacy only cares about other people's feelings when it's important to her own. If you don't make her happy because you're sick and dealing with your own issues, she'll find someone else. What a catch she is! House then tries to escape Wilson's office with one of the joints, but Wilson knows him too well to let that happen. Way to try to steal from cancer patients, there, asshole.
“ StuporDad wakes up long enough to tell House that Stella isn't on any meds, which gives House the opportunity to whip the Ritalin out of his pocket and flash it around. I'm surprised that he got a Ritalin bottle on his first try when there are so many different drugs hanging out in House's pockets that he could have taken out accidentally. ”
Cameron and Foreman spend some time together rooting through SuperMom's house. They find a bottle full of continuity and start discussing Cameron's follow-up HIV test, which she's been reluctant to take. Foreman's concern is purely selfish; he and House have a bet about whether or not Cameron will take the test. House is betting that Cameron is too scared to do it, while Foreman thinks she's too "anal" not to. Foreman seems to think that telling Cameron this will encourage her to take the test for his sake, when, really, she's probably more apt not to for House's because she likes him better. They don't find any drugs in the house, though. It's Cameron who thinks to check SuperMom's SuperCar, where she immediately finds a bottle of "Momma's Little Helper," a.k.a. Ritalin.
Cameron and Foreman hand the Ritalin off to House, who calls it "cocaine with a PG rating." (Apparently, the FDA saw this and took notice, since only a few days after this episode aired, they requested that the infamous "black box" warning be given to Ritalin products.) Stella's name is on the prescription bottle, which House scoffs at, saying that mothers have been known to steal their children's drugs. Kind of like certain crippled doctors have been known to steal joints from their only friend. And are addicted to prescription drugs. SuperMom and House really do have a lot in common. Maybe when he's done with Stacy, House can help ruin another marriage and hook up with her! The Ritalin explains SuperMom's symptoms as well as the fact that her symptoms have gotten better since her hospitalization. A tox screen is useless at this point, though, since the Ritalin would be out of her system by now. House wants to have SuperMom discharged, but Foreman vetoes him, wanting to confirm their diagnosis before they send their patient home. This seems perfectly reasonable to me, but House just starts comparing Foreman to a diabetic and accusing him of being on a power trip even though it's more like Foreman's ass is on the line here and he's trying to protect himself.
House enters SuperMom's room with a long, phallic balloon that he loudly twists into a dog for Stella, who immediately announces that whatever House gave her is not a dog. I really hope he didn't give her one of his X-rated balloon sculptures. House tells Stella that she's smart, but he wonders if she's having trouble focusing on what he's saying since she hasn't taken her meds. It's actually because she's distracted by her mother, who demands to know who the man interrogating her daughter is. StuporDad wakes up long enough to tell House that Stella isn't on any meds, which gives House the opportunity to whip the Ritalin out of his pocket and flash it around. I'm surprised that he got a Ritalin bottle on his first try when there are so many different drugs hanging out in House's pockets that he could have taken out accidentally. Even though House's announcement was perfectly clear and even came with the pill bottle as a visual aid, StuporDad still doesn't understand what's going on. I think I realize why StuporDad has been wearing that same shirt this whole time -- he doesn't know how to unbutton it. SuperMom comes clean (sort of), and tells StuporDad that a doctor prescribed the pills for Stella to treat the ADHD she probably doesn't have, but that SuperMom was super enough not to give Stella any. House points out that the bottle is missing quite a few pills, and lies that SuperMom's tox screen shows that she likes uppers as much as she does those Haas avocadoes. StuporDad finally catches on and asks SuperMom if she's been taking drugs when she was supposed to be watching Stella. Caught, SuperMom apologizes to her husband, although not very sincerely. House says that they'll be discharging SuperMom as soon as possible so that StuporDad can take her home to divorce her.
“ House, in bed, is notably free from the constraints of pajamas. I shall have to be sure to recap this scene extra- carefully, since I'm sure Hugh Laurie's many crushees didn't pay much attention to any of the dialogue. ”
Night falls on the hospital, and House makes a visit to Stacy's office. She tells him that she's moving back to her home in Short Hills now that Mark is getting better (except, House points out, that he still can't walk) and wants to get back to work. House thinks that Stacy is just running away from House because their kiss meant something to her, but Stacy coldly says that she isn't running away; she's "going home." She loves Mark, she claims with all the conviction of someone who isn't telling the truth. "You love me more," House says. They stare at each other. "I don't want you to leave," he says. Uh oh.
Stella runs up to greet her mother as she's wheeled out to the lobby. StuporDad is a little less thrilled to see his wife. She walks over to him and apologizes again, with all the conviction of someone who isn't telling the truth. He doesn't exactly forgive her, but he's not about to start divorce proceedings, either. Probably because he has no idea how. And that's fine, because it looks like he'll be a widower in no time, as the Magic School Bus Cam makes an increasingly rare appearance and takes us into SuperMom's heart, where a SuperClot has suddenly lodged itself in a blood vessel. SuperMom immediately falls to the ground. The Cottages, who were apparently just hanging out near the lobby, come running to the scene. Uh oh.
House's bedside phone rings. He picks it and growls at the caller that "this better be important." He is notably free from the constraints of pajamas. At least the little we can see of his upper body is. I shall have to be sure to recap this scene extra-carefully, since I'm sure Hugh Laurie's many crushees didn't pay much attention to any of the dialogue. Cameron tells House he need to come back to PPTH, since SuperMom (her name is "Margo" by the way, and she will only serve as yet more proof of my theory that no one good is named Margo) just had a stroke. House hangs up and announces that he has to go back to work. But who is he talking to? Why, it's Stacy, of course, who is also not wearing any clothes. This means that she has to bend awkwardly when making out with House so as not to expose her breasts to the innocent viewing audience. And while I'm just as happy as anyone else to see House finally gettin' some, I must say I'm not too pleased by his choice of partner for the following reasons: (a) it isn't Cuddy; (b) it's Stacy, who doesn't even deserve an asshole like House; (c) Mark definitely doesn't deserve this crap; and (d) I am so sick of Stacy. I really don't understand what the writers were trying to do with the Stacy character. I guess we were supposed to like her, but then they wrote her as such a bitch and she was played as such a cold, emotionless person that it was impossible to. Now we have her cheating on her invalid husband, which is just the icing on the Stacy Hate cake for me. I don't see how anyone can like her. House isn't much of a prize either, but at least he has enough redeeming moments and is charismatic enough to be likable in his assholishness.