A cop gets himself shot because he's too busy cracking up over nothing to make a proper arrest. Fortunately, he has a bulletproof vest. Unfortunately, his laughing fit is the symptom of something much worse, which progresses to blindness and then incredible, unstoppable pain. After spending some time in the patient's home to get information, Foreman becomes infected himself, which becomes apparent when he reacts to House's shooting a corpse in the head and destroying PPTH's MRI of DOOOM! with a smirk, and can't stop laughing when the cop almost bleeds out. Foreman's thrown into a quarantine room with the cop, and the two men overcome their problems with each other and pray a little bit. Then Foreman sticks Cameron with an infected needle (her reaction: an awesome "Son of a BITCH!") to make her go back to the cop's apartment to keep searching for a clue as to what's wrong with the patient, Foreman, and now, possibly, Cameron. So she goes. Cameron finds several loaves of rye bread, which clues House in that the cop has been using bread to lure pigeons to his balcony in order to use their poop as fertilizer. And the poop is what made him sick. It looks like House has managed yet again to wrap everything up in a nice little package of healthily ever after, until the pigeon poop test results come back negative and the cop dies, much to everyone's -- especially Foreman's -- dismay. To be continued....
If it wasn't for those stupid American Idol ending credits before this episode, I would have sworn I was watching Law & Order. In this pre-credits opening scene of doom, we get the gritty, washed-out tones of the streets, as a cop chases down a Cadillac SUV. This progresses into a footrace, and the cop does an admirable job of keeping up with the much fitter-looking criminal type. When the criminal disappears at the end of an alley, the cop takes a second to catch his breath and cough (Danger! Danger!). The cop may be sick, but he isn't stupid, and stands in front of the only hiding spot in the alley -- a dumpster -- and calls out to "Baby Shoes," which might, in fact, be the worst gangsta name in the history of gangsta names, to get out of the dumpster. He takes great enjoyment out of this, and even more when Baby Shoes pops out of the dumpster with his hands in the air. So much enjoyment, in fact, that he's laughing too hard to keep his gun steady, which makes Baby Shoes nervous. He's also nervous because he's just been caught with a weapon hidden under his shirt. The cop reads Baby Shoes his rights, putting his own unique spin on them by telling Baby Shoes he has the right to remain "stupid" and that anything he says "will be incomprehensible." I disagree here; from what we've seen of Baby Shoes, he seems to be an articulate young man and an effective communicator. Finally, Baby Shoes can't take having a gun waved in front of his face by a laughing fool anymore, and he pulls out his gun and fires it at the cop. Magic School Bus Cam shows us the bullet hitting the cop's bulletproof vest and shattering into several pieces, a few of which go flying into the cop's head. Baby Shoes turns and takes the hell off. The cop lies on the ground, blood gushing from his head, laughing.
It's mail time for the Cottages! Foreman's father has sent him an article from the local paper all about Foreman's latest article accomplishment. Chase laughs at this -- even more when Foreman has him read the margin, where Father Foreman has written a Bible quote. According to Foreman, when he does something right, his father gives Jesus credit. But when he does something wrong, it's all Foreman's fault. To be fair, though, I find it hard to believe that Jesus would really want to steal a car. He has no use for cars. Or boats.
House enters and tosses copies of the cop's charts at each of the Cottages, with Cameron making a particularly good catch from across the room. See? I can say nice things about her. Although she really should have tried to catch from underneath rather than between her hands like that. Sorry. Foreman's quick to suggest drugs as the culprit -- as if an easily-solved case like that would ever make its way to them -- and House says that, of course, the tox screen was clean. House also mentions that the cop, named Joe, has a bullet in him. "He was shot?" Cameron asks. "No, somebody threw it at him," House retorts before I have the chance to. I hate it when he does that.
Cameron has a bone to pick with the name of their only witness, who says Joe was laughing hysterically before he got shot, ruling out the possibility that Joe's euphoria could be a complication from the bullet wounds. "His name is Baby Shoes! How bad can he be?" House reasons. You can't argue with that logic, especially when it's presented so perfectly. Chase suggests carbon monoxide poisoning as a cause for all of the cop's symptoms, including his cough, and Cameron is quick to snap that she doubts that could happen to someone outdoors. Except that he was only outdoors for like three seconds, Cameron. Before that, he was inside his car. As House orders them to check Joe's blood for carbon monoxide, Cameron folds her arms and looks really pissed off for some reason. I guess she's still pissed about that bullet-throwing joke? I've given up trying to figure that girl out. House sends Foreman off to check the Joe's car and home for carbon monoxide leaks or anything else that might have caused his symptoms. In a rare display of interest in his patients' lives, House himself will check Joe's workplace.
Chase informs Joe, who's still laughing and having the greatest time ever while he's wheeled down the hallway, that his bloodwork showed low-level carbon monoxide poisoning. Oh, so I guess the case is closed, then. That certainly was fast! Especially since this is a two-parter! What will they do for the remaining hour and forty-five minutes? Maybe Cameron will take some more meth and be awesome again. Cameron asks Joe whether he lives near a gas supply, and Joe answers that the only one he can think of is himself after he's had a few burritos. Cameron does not appreciate his humor. Joe says he keeps a "pretty clean" home.
Cut to Foreman in a decidedly unclean home. There are pots and pans piled on the counters with leftovers on them. The fridge is disgusting. The bathroom looks surprisingly clean. Foreman takes samples of everything. He even takes a trip to Joe's balcony area.
Chase and Cameron set Joe up in an oxygen chamber. They give him a button to press if he needs assistance in there, but Joe just keeps pressing it like he's in an SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy!" sketch. Finally, Chase confiscates it. Suddenly, Joe's arm has a muscle contracture, which Chase ascribes to the carbon monoxide.
Meanwhile, Foreman has found a secret greenhouse on Joe's balcony. He's got one hell of a set-up there, with lights and irrigation and everything! And it's all to grow one plant: marijuana. So much marijuana. More marijuana than anyone could ever possibly need.
Meanwhile, House isn't making any friends at Joe's precinct, where Joe's co-workers seem strangely unconcerned about their colleague. The only person who seems to welcome House's presence is a transvestite who gives him a flirty smile that House returns with an uneasy greeting. House tells an impatient cop that he isn't actually there to check Joe's workplace for toxins, since he figures that if there were any, half of the force would be sick like Joe. Instead, House has a bag full of speeding tickets that he'd love someone to take care of for him. "I'll see what we can do," the cop promises, looking like all she's going to do is wipe her ass with them. Hopefully, she'll be able to remove that stick she's got lodged up there while she's at it. Just then, House hears someone cough, and his attention is directed towards an air-conditioning unit that the cougher is sitting right to. The sick cop sits in the same area.
Foreman and House reach PPTH at the same time. Foreman thinks he's solved the case: all of the cop's symptoms (except, I'd assume, that clear tox screen) can be explained by the marijuana use. But House thinks they're looking at Legionnaires Disease, judging by the "rancid, unchanged" water he saw in that air-conditioning unit. And House is the boss, so they'll be treating Joe for Legionnaires.
Sure enough, Joe is feeling better with the treatment. Foreman checks him out to find how much he's improved, but his cold attitude toward Joe makes Joe suspect that Foreman has a problem with the police. Chase comes in with a chest X-ray that shows that the cop's lungs are, indeed, looking better. Foreman comes over to the other side of the bed. Joe addresses Foreman, but he's looking at where Foreman was standing before, not where he is now. Joe asks a few nervous questions about whether Foreman "found anything" at his apartment. Foreman turns the X-ray display around and tells the cop some more stuff about his lungs, pointing to areas of the X-ray display. Joe doesn't notice the X-ray. Foreman waves a hand in front of Joe's face, which he probably just should have done in the first place, and again, the cop doesn't see it. Which is good, because he probably wouldn't like seeing Foreman and Chase's resulting "oh, shit" faces.
After the commercial, Foreman is checking out Joe's eyes. Joe stubbornly says that he's fine, and takes his face away from the machine, only to bump into it. Because he's not fine. He's blind. Foreman interrupts Cameron's attempt to soothe and comfort the patient to ask Joe what Cameron is wearing. Joe confidently reports that she's wearing a white shirt, blue pants, and black shoes. He's totally wrong, of course, since we all know that Cameron is wearing a vest right now.
The Cottages go back to House with Joe's latest symptom. His eyes are actually working fine, but his brain isn't processing the information they're feeding it. Which is why Joe thinks he can see when he really can't. Cameron wonders whether the bullet fragments could have caused this, but House doubts that they would have hit the two hemispheres of the Joe's brain in exactly the same spot like that. I think he should give Baby Shoes more credit here. House is certain that they're looking for a blood clot, and tells the Cottages to give the cop blood thinners and do an MRI so they can find the clot. Sounding tired, Chase says that they can't do that; if the bullet fragments are magnetic, then an MRI will make some very bad things happen. House doesn't care about this, though, figuring that if they don't do the MRI, then Joe will die anyway. Foreman says that the bullet shattered instead of just getting caught by the bulletproof vest, indicating that Baby Shoes was using .38 hollow point bullets, which are, indeed, magnetic. Everyone takes a minute to be equally impressed and frightened that Foreman knows this. He's street, y'all! The Cottages all rally to do an angio instead, but House says that's a waste of time, since those apparently don't work when it comes to clots in skulls. House tells them to go ahead and do that, and then meet him in the morgue. I hope it's not a lunch meeting.
Before they can do the angio, Foreman needs a few minutes to tell Joe off for being "one part bully, nine parts hypocrite." Eh, I'd say it's more seven parts bully and three parts hypocrite. And don't get me started on those parking enforcement officers.
Foreman hasn't even sat down in the angio booth yet before Cameron's asking him what the hell is wrong with him, scolding a "sick and scared" patient like that. Foreman says that he was just having some "fun" at the expense of a "crooked cop." Cameron thinks that Foreman should take himself off the case if he can't be objective about the patient, which is a lot coming from Cameron, who was so unobjective about a patient that she couldn't bring herself to make sad by telling her she had terminal cancer. Foreman doesn't pay attention to this, and tells the cop he should be back on the streets "scaring the crap out of people in no time." Is it scaring the crap out of "people" or is it just Foreman?
The Cottages meet House down in the morgue. As House looks around at the morgue's usual quiet occupants, Cameron tattles that Foreman shouldn't be on the case because of his problem with police officers. House isn't having this, saying that Foreman is a neurologist and their patient has a problem in his brain, so Foreman is kinda necessary. Foreman grins that he was "just busting the guy's chops," and when you think about it, what he said to the guy probably wasn't any different than anything House has ever said to a patient. Chase tells House the angio results, which seem to show a clotting but don't give any more details than that and are, therefore, useless, as House predicted. But, the Cottages say, it did tell them something, and they didn't have to kill the guy to get it. House says that they don't know for sure that the fragments are magnetic, but he's got a great plan to find out. And with this, he pulls a gun out of a plastic bag and shoots a corpse in the head. Chase and Cameron, their fingers in their ears, are shocked and appalled. Foreman plays it cool, smiling and shaking his head at his boss's crazy schemes. He especially enjoys it when a morgue attendant rushes in to see what that loud noise was.
While Chase and Foreman wheel the newly bullet-riddled corpse to an MRI, House asks Cameron how unprofessional Foreman was being around the cop. "Ask him yourself; he's right here!" Foreman declares joyfully. "Worse than usual. Better than you," Cameron answers. House says that he wants to know whether Foreman was giving Joe a hard time because of "repressed black anger" or "giddiness." The two are very different concepts, as one means that Foreman has one of the cop's symptoms and the other is House being his usual racist asshole self. Foreman knows what House is implying here, and he runs up to tell House that he isn't sick. House isn't so sure of that, pointing out that Foreman's response to his latest outrageous antic of shooting a corpse in the head was a strange foolish grinning. Hey, if no one reacts to House with shock, outrage, and disgust, then there's really no reason for House to do this stuff anymore, is there? And House can't have that! But Foreman insists that he's simply "bored" by House's behavior, not giddy. House points out that while Forman is arguing with him, Chase is silently trying -- and failing -- to move the corpse by himself.
Cuddy steps in the room, looking about as bored by House's antics as Foreman claims to be, and says, simply, this: "I can't even imagine the backwards logic you used to rationalize shooting a corpse." House says he thought that shooting a live person would have been more trouble for everyone, although I'd think there are a few people he wouldn't mind being able to put a bullet or two in. Cuddy asks how she's supposed to explain this to the corpse's family, who will certainly find it odd that the guy they thought died of cancer has a bullet wound. House says the guy donated his body to science, and he thinks this is a much better end for it than having to "spend the year letting first-year med students use the carpool lane." And while that does sound icky on the part of the med students, there are quite a few times in my day that I would be desperate enough to stick a corpse in my car if it meant not having to sit in traffic and turn into one myself. Foreman and Chase enter the booth, and say that the body is ready for its MRI of DOOOM!, which I guess can't be all that deadly this time since the guy is already dead. Cuddy tries to order House not to turn the MRI on, but he won't listen.
The machine turns on, and immediately there are some very bad thumping sounds and the lights start flashing. In a particularly nasty scene, the corpse's head lifts off of the pad as the metal bullet fragments pull out of it through his forehead and go flying through the roof of the MRI. In the booth, the lights have turned red and flash a few more times before the MRI shuts down with a groan. Cuddy turns to House and stares at him, her "I fucking TOLD YOU SO" expression evident even in the dark red lighting. "My bad," House shrugs. Foreman and Chase stand against the back wall and think about how that was probably one of the coolest things they've ever seen, although they're not too thrilled about the fact that their boss is like an stubborn eight-year-old when it comes to testing the limits of things.
Apparently, House and the Cottages were then sent to their offices, where they all sit around looking like chastised children in time out. Chase enters the room, and notifies everyone that the MRI of DOOOM! will be out of commission for the few weeks. I'm just glad it isn't totally broken. What would I do without it? Other than Evil Nurse Brenda, it's the only regular villain this show has! And how fitting was it that it turned everything red like the depths of hell when it broke? I love the MRI of DOOOM! House doesn't really care, since they obviously can't use it on their patient. Cameron points out that PPTH does have other doctors and patients who would have liked to be able to use the MRI, to which House's reaction is a predictable lack of caring and consideration. Meanwhile, Foreman's wondering whether they can just not do anything at all and hope that the clot breaks up on its own. House is all for getting out of working, but not when it comes to his patients. House orders an echocardiogram, hoping that they'll find the source of Joe's clot in his heart and treat it, since they can't treat the clot itself. The Cottages go off to do this, and House casts another suspicious look in Foreman's direction when he walks past.
The echo doesn't show anything. Chase and Cameron start thinking of other things they could check to see whether they can find whatever's producing the clot, but then Joe goes into tachycardia and starts bleeding out of his head wound. While they struggle to save him, Foreman freaking stands there looking at his nails, and comments that House did a great job thinning Joe's blood. As Joe's situation becomes more dire, Foreman starts laughing out loud, and Cameron yells at him to leave the room while Chase just looks horrified. So does the rest of the medical staff in the room. "Am I the only one to find this funny?" Foreman asks. He is.
When we come back from commercial, Foreman's stuck in a quarantine room. The only one in the hospital, it seems, since Joe is stuck in there with him. Foreman insists that he isn't sick, but House very seriously says that a guy bleeding out of a head wound isn't funny, unless you've got a brain disease. And since Foreman will be staying in there until they figure out what's wrong with him and Joe, he might as well try to make friends with his nemesis. On the bright side, House says, they now have a way to do the MRI. Foreman laughs that they blew up the machine. "Not the portable one, Chuckles," House responds. Foreman's smile vanishes. House gives him a thermometer and orders him to take his temperature while everyone else tries to solve his case. Foreman laughs again. I have to say, I'm not a fan of the "one of House's team members get a mysterious illness" storyline. I was hoping this show would have saved it until a later season when they were desperate for ratings. But maybe this will play out better than I think it will.
When Chase and Cameron come into his office, House is just finishing withdrawing his own blood. He tells them to do the same, and says that anyone with a high sed rate that indicates an infection will be joining Foreman in the isolation tank. No one looks particularly worried about their own health, though. Me, I'd be so far away from that hospital that I'd probably end up getting some crazy exotic disease in Africa or wherever the furthest point from PPTH is and die anyway. Cameron thinks that Foreman should be with them trying to figure this out, because she apparently wants to get sick. Either that, or Foreman's downturn in healthiness has made him an attractive prospect for the Widow Cameron. House says no, and concentrates on the MRI films they got from Foreman. They notice a "mushy" spot in his brain that explains his euphoria and also sounds pretty bad for Foreman's future in the healthy brain department. Cameron maintains that Foreman should be here with them, since they're dealing with a neurological problem, and Foreman is, after all, a neurologist. He's also suffering from what appears to be a contagious illness, so shut up, Cameron. House won't relent, and tells them to test Foreman's blood for toxins. He's thinking that Foreman caught something nasty from Joe's home given that they haven't gotten sick. House then asks the Cottages which one of them will volunteer to go back to Joe's apartment to find out what's there that's killing everyone. Chase sure as hell isn't going, so Cameron says that she'll do it and starts heading out. But House stops her, saying that Foreman got samples and brought them back, and they can test them at PPTH. This draws an angry response from Chase, who wonders whether House asked them to go back to Joe's apartment as some kind of test. No, House says, he just needed to burn off a few minutes to stretch this episode out into two episodes. This also explains the MRI scene. Cool as it was, it was also filler.
Cameron sifts through Joe's apartment stuff with the help of all kinds of crazy safety measures that no one in this hospital ever implements until it's too late.
Chase, wearing a HAZMAT suit, tries to draw Foreman's blood. He isn't doing a very good job of it, so Foreman says he'll do it himself and grabs another needle, letting the first one fall out of his arm and onto the floor. While Foreman draws his own blood, he asks Chase for details on his case. Chase is reluctant to tell him anything after House's orders to treat Foreman like a patient and not a colleague, but eventually gives in to Foreman's demands, because Chase can't say no unless it's to a request for volunteers to go into an apartment that probably has a deadly disease hidden somewhere inside it. Self-preservation overrules wimpiness every time. Chase tells Foreman about the mushy spot in his brain, and Foreman decides that he has a staph infection. Chase says that that kind of infection would be accompanied by a fever, and Foreman says that the cop had one, and he might have one, too, somewhere down the line. Foreman grins that all he needs is an Omaya reservoir in his brain and he'll be cured.
Cameron tells House that none of Foreman's samples tested positive for anything they were looking for. She wants to go back to the apartment and collect more, but House ain't having that, even afer Cameron insists that, with the proper HAZMAT precautions, her chances of catching anything are "to nothing." Which was a lot when it came to her chances of getting HIV, and is a lot for House here. "It's not your fault he got sick," Cameron says in her sympathetic "I understand" tone and adopting her caring yet professional stance. "It would be his fault if we did," Chase adds, always up on the rules when it comes to things you can get blamed for. Plus, he's not looking to get sent to Joe's contaminated-ass apartment. House wants a biopsy of Joe's brain, but Cameron -- having gone from kindly and understanding to super-pissed-off in less than one second -- snaps that they can't do a biopsy on the cop since House gave him those blood thinners. "I didn't give Foreman any," House says. Chase says that they shouldn't go to those extremes if Foreman only has a staph infection, and proceeds to quote what Foreman said about it being a likely diagnosis without, of course, giving Foreman any credit. Which Foreman kind of deserves after the article thing, but whatever. House immediately knows whose words Chase is using, though, and leaves the office to argue with Foreman about his theory directly.
Foreman's busy taking his temperature and testing his muscles to see how close he is to turning into Joe, when House drops by for a visit. House doesn't say hello, though, just dismisses Foreman's theory by saying that staph infections are usually present on the skin. No longer giddy, Foreman snaps that House isn't treating him like a patient like he said he would. House says that staph would have hit Foreman's internal organs before reaching the brain, and since it didn't, it's not staph. So House wants Foreman to agree to a brain biopsy. Foreman won't sign it without looking at his MRI. House was expecting this, and holds it up to the window for Foreman to see. The telltale abscess Foreman was hoping to see isn't there, but Foreman does have a fever now, so he's still convinced it's staph. House regrets giving him his own thermometer.
Foreman has to be awake and aware for his brain surgery. Chase flashes cards with colored shapes on them, while we hear the disconcerting sound of a drill boring into a skull. And then there's the even more disconcerting sound of House's voice asking Foreman his date of birth. Foreman doesn't understand; the Omaya reservoir is inserted in an area of the brain that deals with stuff like shape and color recognition. Memory and stuff like that would be the kinds of questions you'd ask someone who was getting, like, a brain biopsy -- oh, House! He just went ahead and did the brain biopsy anyway! "Get out of my temporal lobe, House," Foreman says. But there's nothing he can really do about it.
Night falls on PPTH. Joe wakes up and calls to the person behind the room divider. He heard that he got a new roommate, and he wants to chat. Foreman acknowledges his presence in the room, and Joe recognizes his voice as his former doctor, which is good since he couldn't see Foreman even if the room divider curtain wasn't up. Joe even remembers that Foreman doesn't like him, but he's also too scared and in too much pain to really care. Foreman is scared too, and he tries to reassure the guy that the fact that he knows that he's blind now could be a good sign. Joe tells him that he can expect to be in intense pain soon -- pain that morphine doesn't even help. "I'm gonna die, aren't I?" Joe sobs. Foreman says no; if Joe dies, then Foreman dies. And Foreman isn't going to die since he's got like a five-year contract with this show.
The Precious Moments Emmy Scene music comes on, and Joe asks Foreman if he believes in prayer. Foreman says he doesn't, and Joe says that he doesn't, either. They both have fathers who are big into God, though, which gives them at least one thing in common. Joe wants to try praying now, since he thinks it's wise to hedge his bets now that he's on what may very well be his death bed. Plus, it's not like Joe has anything else to do, since no one has come to visit the poor guy since he's been in there. I mean, no family or friends or even his co-workers! Not even Baby Shoes! I'd smoke all that weed too if my life was so lonely. Foreman agrees to pray with Joe.
Meanwhile, Hugh Laurie shows off a seriously impressive trick he can do with his cane and that giant tennis ball prop. He balances the ball on the crook of his cane and even manages to bounce the ball and then catch it in the cane a few times before Wilson enters to make his obligatory appearance. Chase and Cameron also come in with the biopsy results: no staph, and nothing more than signs of inflammation. House's consolation is that Foreman was wrong, too. Cameron wants to go back to Joe's apartment, but House tells her to go re-test all the samples instead. "For what?" Chase asks. "Everything!" House snaps. Chase keeps pushing, saying that they'd have to test for thousands of things under that criteria. "Better hurry," House grumps, unsympathetically. Chase will be the one doing those tests. Cameron gets to go check up on Foreman and see if he's blind yet.
House sends them off, and Wilson accuses House of being "cautious" and "common" with this case. House angrily asks Wilson how many of his "guys" catch cancer from their patients. None yet, although I'm sure if there's a way to get cancer by having sex with someone with a terminal case, this show will find it and make us watch. Since House obviously isn't in the mood for psychoanalysis, Wilson decides to leave him with his concern shown as anger.
Joe's pain is getting worse. He moans and groans in pain, as Cameron tells Foreman that the biopsy results showed nothing. Foreman asks whether they can give Joe some more morphine, so he doesn't have to listen to the guy suffering like he will be in a few hours or days. Cameron says that Joe already has the maximum amount of pain meds. Foreman asks her whether she noticed the cupboard above Joe's stove when she went back to the apartment. He didn't get any samples from it when he went there, and now he thinks it could have something valuable inside it. Foreman's really pissed off when Cameron tells him that no one has actually gone back to Joe's apartment, on House's orders. Cameron says that she's sorry, but Foreman thinks she's just happy that she wasn't the one who had to inspect Joe's apartment and wind up in the isolation tank. While Foreman starts yelling at her for not doing her job, which apparently entails risking her life for someone who is an asshole, Cameron ignores him, and starts doing eye function tests. Foreman rejects these in favor of one simple test that makes a big point -- he grabs that needle that fell on the floor when Chase was trying to draw his blood and jabs it into Cameron's leg. "Son of a bitch!" Cameron gasps. Hell, yeah, son of a bitch! I would have jumped the guy as soon as he did that to me! How dare he? Cameron just stares at Foreman in disbelief and horror, as Foreman tells Cameron that they have now both been exposed to the disease, so she can go back to Joe's apartment to get the information that will save Joe, Foreman, and, most importantly, herself. Well, way to go from being my favorite Cottage to my least favorite in one swift jabbing motion, there, Foreman. That was inexcusably horrible! Especially because I now have to pick a new favorite Cottage, and I think it's going to be freaking Cameron. Cameron! How DARE Foreman be such an asshole so that my favorite Cottage has to be Cameron! I hope he DIES.
After the commercial, House and Chase have a pow-wow with Foreman. Chase tells Foreman that he doesn't have SSPE, because they are now apparently testing Foreman for everything they've ever diagnosed on this show. I'll bet vasculitis got tested for, like, five hundred times. Their conversation is interrupted by the agonized screams of poor Joe. Foreman begs them to do something to make him stop, and House changes the subject to Cameron, who seems to have disappeared. Chase says that Cameron told him she "had some stuff to do" and took the day off. Notice how Cameron didn't go to House with this shitty excuse, knowing that he wouldn't believe it for one second. House doesn't seem to believe it now.
Cameron cuts through the tape blocking Joe's apartment door from the outside world. Boy, I'll bet Joe's neighbors are feeling pretty scared right now, huh? They'll be especially displeased to see that someone has sliced through the sheet of plastic that was supposed to be protecting them from catching Joe's illness. Cameron and her HAZMAT suit (apparently for outdoors use, they wear blue. For indoors, it's white) enter the apartment.
Foreman can't take Joe's screaming anymore. He grabs a syringe and plunges it into Joe's IV line, withdrawing some of its contents. While Chase bangs on the window and yells at Foreman that mainlining morphine could stop Joe's heart, House monologues that being constantly reminded of the horrible pain you're about to experience must really suck. And that all the pain Joe is in is just as bad for his heart as the morphine is. "You're condoning this?!" Chase asks. "I'm certainly not going in there to stop him!" House answers. I see his point. Foreman injects Joe's carotid artery with the morphine. He promises it will make Joe feel better, but it really, really doesn't. Instead, Joe screams even louder. House says that Joe's infection has spread to the pain center of his brain, causing hyperalgesia. His brain is making Joe think he's in incredible, horrible pain all the time, no matter how many painkillers they give him. That really sucks now. Foreman is absolutely horrified. House orders Chase to put Joe in a coma before the pain kills him.
Cameron looks all over the apartment and throws anything that looks like it might be medically relevant into a large bag. She even takes samples of Joe's pot soil.
House confronts Foreman over Cameron's whereabouts. Foreman doesn't answer his accusations; he just sulks on his hospital bed.
Cameron's done with her work. She exits the apartment, only to find House and his hot motorcycle jacket waiting for her in the hallway. "I decided you were wrong," she tells him. "God, you're weak," House says. In his opinion, if someone steals your article and tells you you're not his friend, that person isn't worth risking your own life for. Cameron explains/tattles that her life is on the line now, too. House's only response is that Cameron is ever weaker than he thought, to risk her life for someone who stole her article, said they weren't friends, AND may have infected her with a deadly disease. I think House is missing the point here. Cameron insists that she's only there to save herself, but House says the fact that she's wearing a HAZMAT suit tells him differently. Why would she bother trying to prevent herself from getting an infection that she thought she already had, right? Cameron knows how small the chances are of Foreman spreading something to her with that needle. She just wanted an excuse to get to the apartment. "What does a guy have to do to make you hate him?" House wonders. Then he halts her attempts to escape by throwing his cane in her way, and grabs her bag o'death samples. He pulls them out, now in individual biohazard bags, and notices that Cameron's collected no less than three loaves of rye bread. Cameron doesn't think that's significant. House tells her to get back in the apartment he tried all episode to keep her out of.
House and Cameron communicate over their cell phones. House explains that he doubts that a guy with an apartment full of old pizza boxes is also a big rye bread eater. Cameron makes her way out onto the balcony. She tries to lure some pigeons over by cooing like one of them -- which is just asinine even if it is kind of cute -- then just tosses pieces of rye bread on the ground when that doesn't work. Sure enough, the pigeons come flying over almost immediately. House says that this means Joe's been feeding those pigeons habitually. But there isn't any pigeon turd to be found on the ground. That's because it's all over my car right now. Stupid pigeons. House's theory is that someone's been cleaning it up. A guy who steals cable would also "steal" fertilizer for his weed garden from flying rats. Cameron finds a bucket, and opens it to reveal a bucket full of pigeon shit. Dude, stealing cable and using diseased-ass pigeon droppings to fertilize a garden you're intending to smoke instead of just buying some nice, clean fertilizer are two very different things. This is just ridiculous. But House is sure they've found the culprit: Cryptococcus neoformans. "Don't cut corners when you're growing your pot," House lectures. He leaves Cameron to collect some samples for testing.
Foreman tells Chase he should have found those pigeon droppings when he was at the apartment. Chase tells him not to blame himself. Foreman notes that Joe's EEG is showing that Joe is still in pain in his coma. He wants to treat Joe now, but Chase says they can't until they get the word from House to do so. Foreman finally asks how Cameron is doing after he totally tried to kill her. "She's not giddy," Chase answers, looking slightly annoyed at Foreman for his actions.
Cameron tests the droppings in her decidedly ungiddy state.
House erases the Whiteboard, sure he's figured out the answer and is no longer in need of its services.
Cameron waits for the results.
House manages to balance his tennis ball on the cane, throw the ball against the wall, and then catch it on his cane again. That man is a maverick! I'll bet whoever has to share that wall with him hates him, though.
The results are in! Cameron frowns. She tries to call someone on her cell phone, but there's no signal, even though no one has ever had a problem getting reception down there before. She runs off.
Chase is back with Foreman. Foreman asks him whether Cameron has said anything about him about, oh say, forgiving the guy who tried to kill her because he's a selfish asshole. "What I did, I did to save my life," Foreman says, trying to defend his actions.
Cameron runs.
Joe's heart monitors beep. Chase goes to get suited up, but Foreman's already in there, so he starts to treat Joe. Cameron arrives, and announces that the Cryptococcus test was negative. Oh...no. Joe goes into V-fib. Foreman defibrillates him, while the members of the code team take their sweet-ass time suiting up. But it's not helping. Nothing is. Everyone who was getting suited up stops and starts taking the suits off. They've given up. Foreman hasn't. He desperately tries to keep Joe alive. Finally, House walks up and orders Foreman to announce the time of death. Foreman refuses. He does CPR. House calls the time of death instead. Finally, Foreman gives up. "To Be Continued..." the screen says, as Foreman stands there, looking really scared. It's too bad that FOX advertised the hell out of this two-night event. If I hadn't known that it would ultimately end with a "to be continued," that ending would have shocked the hell out of me.