By Sara M
The teenaged son of Romany travellers (excuse me, House staff, but "gypsy" is considered offensive these days for some stupid reason, and they're now to be called "travellers") starts having respiratory problems while making out with his non-traveller girlfriend in the backseat of his car. He comes to PPTH and tries his hardest to avoid telling anyone who his parents are or how to contact them, even when it means holding up essential treatment. Foreman takes a liking to the kid, because he's good at science even though his parents made him drop out of school, and also because when Foreman needs a storyline, this is the one he gets (see "Whac-A-Mole"). The parents finally show up and bring their entire extended family with them, because that's what travellers do. It makes for a crowded hospital room. They also refuse to allow House to try an experimental drug treatment on their son when everything else seems to fail and his internal organs start shutting down. That's a good thing, too, since House's diagnosis turns out to be wrong and the kid is simply suffering from a toothpick in the gut. A special magical traveller toothpick that doesn't show up on any scans because of something to do with water and wood. Meanwhile, House plots against a wheelchair-using co-worker who stole his primo handicapped parking spot. He loses his bet with Cuddy that he can go a week in a wheelchair, but somehow manages to get his parking spot back anyway. I hope that wheelchair lady complains her head off to the ADA people.
In the snowy hills of New Jersey, a young couple makes out in the back seat of a car. They must be really horny if they're doing it in the sub-zero weather. The blonde girl pressures her boyfriend to make out with her, but he keeps acting hesitant and not really into it, probably because he's freezing to death. Suddenly, there's a knock at the window. It's a police officer, who knows exactly what's going on in there and says that he'll be back in ten minutes and will be calling parents if the kids are still there. The boyfriend looks about twenty-five, so I don't think his parents are going to mind too much. The cop leaves, and the girl keeps going at it, taking off her shirt and saying they've got nine minutes. Suddenly, her boyfriend starts gasping for air. The girl is so freaked out that she runs out of the car without her shirt on, crying for help. It's pretty funny. No help is forthcoming -- I guess since the cop peeled out of there to give them privacy -- so she gets in the car to drive.
After the credits, someone else is doing the driving. House pulls his car up to his usual parking spot, only to find a "J. Whitner, M.D.'s" name under the handicapped sign. He should be more concerned about the fact that his awesome Corvette turned into what appears to be the Reliant K my best friend inherited from her grandfather in high school, especially since experience tells me that that car is not to great in winter conditions. Nor does it have airbags. House might also want to be concerned about the fact that the PPTH parking garage, the existence of which has always been tenuous, has once again disappeared. But no, he's upset that his new parking spot -- reserved simply for "House, MD" -- is like ten feet further away from PPTH than his old one. He gets out of the car and steps into a snow bank and is most annoyed, since snowbanks apparently didn't exist in his old parking spot.
House's shoes squelch into PPTH, where they meet up with Foreman, who claims that their latest patient is sixteen years old and in respiratory arrest. House doesn't care, because he has a more important mystery to solve: who is J. Whitner and why does he have House's parking space? Cameron answers this question -- J. Whitner is a woman and a new researcher on staff. Cameron is also in the middle of drinking a huge thing of orange juice. Watch out, Cameron -- that's how you get tongue ulcers! Chase asks if J. Whitner is hot. She's a researcher, Chase. Come on now. But Cameron has a different reason for why J. Whitner can't be attractive: "She's in a wheelchair." "Doesn't mean she's not hot," Chase points out. Yeah, what the hell, Cameron? Looks like someone's going to be taking sensitivity training classes again, since she obviously used her last session to learn how to make people sensitive to her instead of how to make her sensitive to other people.
Foreman shoves the file in House's face and says that their patient has a bloody pleural effusion. Then Foreman makes this awesome "can you dig it?!" face. House's interest has been piqued, and he takes a look at the chest x-ray. Chase is ready with the diagnosis of drug use, as always, but Foreman says that the tox screen was clean, also as always. Cameron says that just means he wasn't on drugs at the time; it doesn't mean he wasn't on drugs before. Well, I guess Little Miss TemporaryMethHead would know. House thinks that they're looking at a case of "leaky pipes," and orders a venogram. Chase sing-songs that drugs may have caused those pipes to corrode in the first place. He is rewarded for his efforts with orders to go search the patient's house. At this, Chase is too sad to continue eating his breakfast.
House heads for the office of one J. Whitner. She rolls out to greet him in her spiffy electric wheelchair, and instantly knows who House is when he starts making fun of it. There's probably a warning about him in PPTH's New Employee Handbook. He says that there's been a mix-up in the parking office, and she says that she had to be moved closer to the door. When House feigns ignorance, she points out that she uses a wheelchair. "Cane," House answers, before urging her to do the "honorable thing" and give him back his space. I think the parking office should have done the honorable thing and at least told House that this was going to happen. Why must J. Whitner be made to suffer for their misdeeds? J. Whitner just says, "Wheelchair!" House: "Caaaaane!" He adds that walking makes his leg hurt, so he likes to do as little of it as possible, except when he goes marching off to the research wing. Of course, I guess since he's riding his high horse on such occasions, it wouldn't affect his leg. J. Whitner says that it isn't any easier for her, and House points out that all she has to do is push a lever, which...I think he has a point there, no? Ah, but J. Whitner points out that the parking lot is dangerous for her, since cars can't see her because she's so low to the ground. House says that he risks slipping on black ice. J. Whitner sarcastically says that she wouldn't know what that feels like, since she can't walk. Meanwhile, she's touching her face with her glove-covered hands, and I hope she wasn't just handling something nasty. She adds that House can ask the parking office for some crampons, since there's an REI outlet store in there now. Ha! House seems to have met his match, much as he did with that little person. One wonders if the handicapped are all wits. Perhaps when you lose one ability, your snark sense increases to compensate? House says it's clear that J. Whitner is the winner of the "who can cross the parking lot the easiest" competition going on in his head. "Oh, and the prize is apparently a parking space," says J. Whitner, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She rules. She then turns back to her work -- since, unlike House, she does her job -- indicating that the argument is over. House has no choice but to retreat. Which is more painful for him to do than it is for her, although she's at greater risk to be run over when she does it.
The patient -- named "Stevie," though surely he's old enough to be just "Steve" at this point? -- continues to portray respiratory distress as looking like he's about to hurl. Foreman says that they can't reach Stevie's parents at either of the cell numbers Stevie gave them, and Stevie says that there's no other way to reach them, since they're at a conference. That's unfortunate, says Foreman, since they can't do anything to Stevie without his parents' consent. Blonde Girlfriend, named Leah, says that her parents can sign the consent forms. Well, they can sign them, but that's not going to do anything. Stupid Leah. Stevie says that he feels like there's an "anvil" sitting on his chest. I'm guessing that's left over from last week's episode. Stevie's monitors start beeping, and Foreman looks alarmed. He says that they're going to do the venogram, and hope Stevie's parents won't be too upset about it. Which means that they probably will.
While Foreman performs the venogram, Stevie notes that his fingers feel wet. I was expecting this to be followed quickly by blood spurting out of his fingers -- par for the course on this show -- but no, Foreman says that the dye they're using for the venogram has confused his nerves so that they can't tell the difference between the cold outside Stevie's body and the wetness inside his body. That's pretty confused. Stevie asks Foreman to clarify: does he mean that the nerves can't tell the difference, or that the brain can't interpret the difference? "A little of both," says Foreman. I would have added something about how I'm the doctor and Stevie might want to figure out how to get a decent haircut before he second-guessed what I say, but Foreman doesn't. Instead, he's impressed with the kid's knowledge, and even shows him his venogram on the monitor. Stevie and Foreman exchange more sophisticated science talk, and Foreman asks Stevie -- who says he's mostly taught himself this stuff -- where he goes to school. Stevie pauses before answering "public school," and then does some public schooling on Foreman's ass when he points out that, so far, there's no leak in his lungs on the venogram like there should be.
Foreman is spared from answering by a cut to Chase and Cameron snooping around Stevie's house. They note the filthiness of the place, which is littered with dirty laundry, a gross litter box, and rotten fruit in the kitchen table's fruit basket centerpiece. "This is putrid," states Cameron. Chase tells her to check for foodborne toxins and such while he checks out the bedroom. He swaggers into a bedroom only to find two people having sex in it. Well, well, well! It's about time the Cottages got caught breaking and entering. Chase looks away and apologizes as the woman hops off her partner and ridiculously threatens to shoot them with the gun shape she's making with her finger under her blanket. She does remain remarkably calm for someone who just got interrupted during sex by a complete stranger. I'd be screaming my head off and throwing things at him. Cameron walks upstairs and somehow doesn't hear any of the commotion until she's halfway into the bedroom, at which point she puts her hands up and gasps an "oh!" in a most cartoonish manner. The guy finally speaks up and tells Chase and Cameron to help themselves to his wallet while he calls the cops, and I guess he and the woman don't need to use protection since he has no balls and therefore there's no chance of her getting pregnant. For whatever reason, Chase has decided not to get the hell out of there, but instead goes on the offensive, accusing the couple of having an affair. He points out that the man is wearing a ring and the woman isn't. Asshole! If you're going to cheat, the least you could do is take the ring off. Chase gets in a final dig by saying that, judging by the condition of the house, the woman must be a better lover than she is a maid. At this, the woman takes great offense, while Cameron either shakes her head or falls asleep. "You son of a bitch!" the woman says. "This is my house, not his." "Uh...sorry," Chase says, looking quite sheepish. "What's wrong with my kitchen?!" she demands, like, come on, lady. I mean, I don't keep the tidiest of kitchens either, but I don't deny it. If you think that kitchen is clean, then you have some kind of problem in addition to your slatternly ways. Cameron tries to make nice, saying they're there to help Stevie. The woman has no clue who Stevie is. "Your son?" says Cameron. The man looks up, all, "Oh shit! She has a son? I'm so screwed." "Huh?" the woman asks.
It turns out that the bad housekeeper wasn't Stevie's mother after all; he lied to them about his address. Leah finally tells the truth: "He's Romany -- a gypsy." "So you don't have a home?" Cameron asks. "Of course we do!" says Stevie, all offended. Well, it's not like you've offered any proof of a home yet, Stevie. I don't think Cameron's being racist here. Anti-handicapped, yes. Racist, no. At least, not yet. "This is why I don't tell people!" says Stevie, adding that "sharing information with outsiders has not gone so well for my people." Well, not sharing information didn't go so well, either. By preventing medical professionals from reaching your parents, you delayed what could have been a critical medical procedure. Also, I love how they named the gypsy character "Stevie." Too bad they stopped short of giving him the last name "Nicks." Stevie says that they can't go to his house or they'll "pollute" it. "Your presence is enough," says Leah, with an eye-roll that says she's heard this speech more than a few times. Chase doesn't have time for this, and asks Leah where Stevie lives. Stevie begs her not to tell, and says that he'll tell them the truth about anything they want to know as long as they don't pollute his house with their very presence. For example, he says, he's drunk and smoked pot before. So...that's cool with his people but letting non-Romas into his home isn't? Cameron asks Stevie where he got the pot, saying that a pesticide on it could cause his lungs to bleed. Stevie says h got it from "some kid at school," and Leah immediately steps in and says that she gave him the pot and that Stevie doesn't even go to school, since his parents made him drop out. Wow, Stevie, way to prove yourself by telling the truth, there. They should go to his house just to punish him for lying. Stevie says that he's home-schooled, but Leah says that "he reads books," and that Stevie and his father "buy and sell anything they can get their hands on." Well, that certainly sounds legitimate. She adds that Stevie and his father drove up to Chicago recently. I have to admit that I know nothing about Roma people other than what I've learned from Stevie Nicks and the English side of my family (not always favorable, although that was mostly because of the fact that they squatted on common land and didn't pay property taxes. That kind of thing breeds resentment, fair or not). I shall prepare to be enlightened.
We cut to Cuddy, mid-laugh at House's request to get his parking spot back. "You can't be serious!" she says. "Actually, I can," says House, and then proceeds to demonstrate this by flashing her a serious face. Brilliant! This scene is already one hundred times more enjoyable than the last one. Cuddy says that the parking spot wasn't House's to lose -- it belongs to the hospital. Cuddy indicates the "hospital" by pointing at her boobs. Interesting. Cuddy says that House's handicapped space application said that he had to be no less than fifty yards away from the hospital. The spot she assigned him to is a very clever forty-six yards away; she measured it herself. I hope all of this was worth the pain in the ass that must have been, Cuddy. House tries to make his point by saying that a guy in a wheelchair won the New York City marathon six years in a row. I'm going to assume he wasn't in an electric wheelchair. Cuddy tells him that if he loves wheelchairs so much, he can go marry one. She doesn't think he could last a week in a wheelchair. "Wanna bet?" asks House. Excellent!
The time we see House, he is indeed in a wheelchair, although he doesn't get a motorized one like J. Whitner's. "What's wrong with you?" asks Cameron. Seriously, Cam: sensitivity training. Now. You're out of control. While House, Chase, and Foreman discuss their patient, Cameron keeps bugging House about his wheelchair. Amazingly, she figures out that House is spending a week in the wheelchair to win back his parking spot, even though no one said anything of the kind! Cameron should be a detective instead of a doctor. That would be good for everyone, I think. Foreman says that they can't find any leaks in Stevie, although Chase points out that Stevie's Romanyness makes it almost impossible for them to know anything about him for sure. Foreman has a new theory: Stevie has a deep vein thrombosis, thanks to the hours he spent in his dad's car last week. That caused a clot in Stevie's lungs. But House insists that they're looking at a leak, and tells them to feed Stevie blood thinners to make the leak easier to see, and then to do the venogram again. Cameron points out that this could cause a "massive bleed." House says that's exactly what he wants, and backs into an elevator, mowing down innocent elevator passengers. There's no room for the Cottages, though, so they're left standing in front of the super-cheesy PPTH lobby mural (nice touch, art department! Every hospital has one of those "multicultural people doing stuff" murals) as the elevator doors close in their faces.
Stevie is subjected to both an arteriogram and a repeat venogram. First up is the arteriogram, which will be performed by Cameron, much to Stevie's dismay. "Can you maybe do that?" he asks Foreman. Cameron tells Stevie that she'll only be working on his upper leg and should spare his blushes, as if that were what Stevie was worried about and not Cameron's lack of medical ability, which is so apparent that even a young and uneducated man like Stevie picked up on it. Foreman tries to distract Stevie by showing him pictures of his arm bones and asking Stevie to identify them. Stevie has trouble with the wrist bones. "Scared lovers try positions they can't handle," mutters Cameron. Foreman and Stevie both stare at her until she explains that that was her mnemonic device in med school for remembering the wrist bones. Cameron feeds the catheter into Stevie's leg, and he winces and complains of stomach pain. Foreman immediately guesses that Cameron "hit something," but she just shrugs and says she hasn't even started yet. Stevie starts freaking out and crying in pain. Cameron wants to remove the catheter and stop the procedure, but Foreman tells her to keep it in so that they can get the test done. Cameron says that if Stevie moves, she could shred his artery, which I'm sure will make Stevie feel better about the process and the person performing it. Cameron injects the dye and, on the monitor, we see that Stevie's blood stops circulating at his liver. The clot Foreman insists is there seems to have stopped up the hepatic vein completely. Liver, eh? Way to complain about stomach pain, Stevie. Looks like someone needs to go back to school. "His whole liver's fried!" cries Cameron. Stevie looks really thrilled at this news.
House needs attention, and gets it by deliberately driving his wheelchair into Foreman. I think half the reason he accepted Cuddy's bet was so that he could roll into people without getting in trouble. Hee. Foreman updates House on Stevie's odd condition, in which he appears to have both a bleed and a clot. House says that Cameron must have blocked something when she inserted that catheter wire, to which Cameron says, "Not a chance." House struggles to put some files up high in a tray. Cuddy's House Bet Violation alarm goes off, and she runs outside to ask House if he has a problem adjusting to his sit-down life. He just asks a nurse to put the files away for him, and she does so. Too bad it wasn't Evil Nurse Brenda he asked. Where has she been, anyway? I recently saw her in a movie with Dick Van Dyke on the Hallmark Channel (I watch that channel because I'm eighty. And also for the Walker, Texas Ranger reruns) and was not pleased. How dare she trade an Englishman with a near-perfect American accent for an American with a very flawed English one? House says that having to ask for help was really humiliating, and Cuddy says, "Pride goeth before the fall," which she's probably been practicing all day in her office. House points out that he's already sitting down, so falling won't be so bad.
Cuddy having left, House returns to talking about the case. Chase and Cameron put forth some diagnoses for House to shoot down, and then he tells them to stop thinking like doctors and start thinking like plumbers. "Come on -- let me see some buttcrack!" he says, mostly for the promo editors. He says that the problem in Stevie's liver was caused by something "punching through" the vein. Stevie's blood then clotted around that thing and formed a mass. Foreman continues to believe that it's a clot. It could also be a granuloma. House orders them away to find one, and then goes off for Clinic duty, telling people get out of his crippled way. Foreman and Chase go to do some work while Cameron sticks around to roll her eyes.
House enters an exam room to find a mother and son. The mother says that her son claims his throat hurts, but she thinks he's just trying to get out of school. House doesn't have time for this, and he's right. Don't abuse a free clinic just to teach your son a lesson. You're taking time and resources away from the people who really need the free clinic, and although we've never actually seen those people in the clinic yet, I'm sure they're around off-camera. House makes a point of telling them that his wheelchairness prevents him from being able to examine the kid all the way up on that table. The kid jumps down, and House looks at his throat and reports that it looks fine. Yeah, well, a doctor once told me that my throat looked fine, too, and it turned out that I had severe tonsillitis. And my mother once accused me of faking sick and sent me to school, only for me to be sent home with a fever. She felt really bad about that and I got Burger King for dinner. It was totally worth it. Also, to be fair to my mom, I didn't put forth a very convincing case for why I was too sick to go to school. That was because I was too weak from the fever, but there you go. House grabs a huge syringe full of saline and says that he's going to make the kid hate the doctor more than he hates school. The saline, House says, will "hurt like hell" when he injects it into the kid's muscle. The mom tells House that he's gone far enough, and House asks the kid if his mother is a "big, fat idiot." The kid nods emphatically. Damn, House. There was no need to bring weight into this. Let's all hope that the kid isn't so traumatized by all of this that he refuses to go to the doctor when he really needs to.
And Stevie gets an MRI of DOOOM! Foreman tells him to relax, and Stevie nods, and then realizes that they can't hear a nod. "Smart kid," Cameron comments. Yeah, Cameron. It's really smart of him to realize that a microphone can't hear a nod. Sigh. Foreman says that Stevie's intelligence will go to waste, and Chase says that there's nothing wrong with being a salesman. Look at Chase, all "wheelchairs can be hot" and "salesmen can be smart" today! If it wasn't for those two episodes of fat-people hatred, we'd think he was sensitive. Foreman spots a granuloma in Stevie's liver and says it looks like Wegener's. Yeah, right. It's Wegener's almost as often as it's lupus. At this point, Stevie's parents come rushing into the room and demanding that their son be removed from the MRI of DOOOM! Looks like that salesman isn't so dumb after all. He knows that giving Stevie an MRI can only lead to trouble, even if he may or may not know how to read. I'm not sure, as Foreman yells at the pair for not reading the sign on the door. Stevie's dad says that they did read it and that it said "no metal," so they took all their metal items off, but Foreman says that it said "no admittance." I thought that meant that there were two signs on the door, and that they only bothered to care about one of them, but it could also mean that they're illiterate. For illiterate people, though, they're pretty good to know not to wear metal around an MRI. Dad chews the hell out of his toothpick and asks what's wrong with their son. Mom asks if he's going to die. Surprisingly, the usually forward Cameron says nothing.
Meanwhile, House is in the parking lot sliding his wheelchair into his crap car, a huge grin on his face. Wheelchairs are fun when you don't actually need them. As House drags himself into the passenger seat of his car, Foreman tells him that they found a granuloma in Stevie's liver in the MRI. House struggles to get his wheelchair into his car. Foreman refuses to assist him. Ha! Although I'm sure if House really used a wheelchair due to a physical challenge, his car would have some accommodations for that. I doubt that J. Whitner is stuck having to fold her electric wheelchair up and drag it into her car that way. Then again, she probably has a line of people willing to help her out since she's so awesome. House tells Foreman to start treating Stevie for Wegener's before doing the biopsy to confirm the diagnosis. He manages to get the wheelchair into his car, and then faces another problem: how to close the passenger-side door. He solves this by backing the car up and allowing momentum to shut the door. With a triumphant grin, House drives away.
Foreman enters Stevie's room the day to find him dressed in his own clothes, in a room outfitted to look as much like Stevie's bedroom as possible and eating some homemade food. Foreman is not pleased, but Stevie says that his parents made him do it. He also says that he isn't feeling better despite the treatment. Foreman says that it will take time to work. Stevie's parents enter the room with boxes full of stuff, and I think it's sweet how they insist on making Steve's room all homey-like. Foreman does not share my feelings, however, especially when Stevie's mom says that the soup they gave Stevie has willow bark extract in it, which is almost the same as aspirin. Foreman says that they're giving Stevie all the medicine he needs right now, and that his parents are just interfering and risking an adverse reaction. Foreman adds that Stevie's environment needs to be controlled, and that means putting him in hospital clothes, eating hospital food, and getting rid of all the furnishings. Dad says that Stevie is sick because his life is out of balance, and this is their way of restoring it. One of their ways is making sure Leah is nowhere near Stevie. Foreman points out that Leah did a pretty good job taking care of Stevie when his parents were nowhere to be found. The parents scoff at Foreman. Have they ever explained where his parents were all that time? And how they found out where Stevie was? I'm guessing Leah told them, even though they're so mean to her. Dad takes a seat and sticks a picture frame on a table, removing the toothpick from his mouth only to eat a slice of bread. Special balance-restoring bread, I'll bet -- lots of fiber. Foreman gives up and leaves.
House, now wearing fingerless gloves to look extra-special cool, enters the bathroom. Wilson's already there, peeing silently. He welcomes "Dr. Ironside," in a reference to the TV show wherein Raymond Burr played a wheelchair-bound detective who hung out in his van while his three able-bodied young assistants (a bland white guy, a pretty woman, and a black ex-con) helped him to solve mysteries. Hmm...that sounds a familiar. House just accuses Wilson of having no friends growing up and being reduced to watching too much television. He then tries to stand up to pee, but Wilson shuts him down. House calls him Cuddy's "rat-complice" (which is an insult to rats), and maneuvers his way into a handicapped stall. Wilson says that he's watching House's feet to make sure he doesn't stand up in the stall as he totally leaves the room. Mercifully, we get to go with him.
In Stevie's room, there is conflict. Leah has stopped by for a visit, and Stevie's parents are pissed. They don't want her polluting their home, which is now Stevie's room. She says that they can't very well throw her out, since the dad can't touch her, and I'm not sure if that means men aren't allowed to touch non-Romany women, or if all Romas aren't allowed to touch non-Romas. Either way, it's racist. Foreman comes in and asks what's up. He gets an earful from both Leah and the parents, who accuse Leah of making their son sick. Leah doubts that her polluting ways caused Stevie's liver to shut down, and then Stevie starts moaning in pain and clutching his gut. It's not his liver this time, though -- Foreman pulls the Roma blankets off of him to reveal that his ass is bleeding. Stevie reacts to this with a horrified grimace and whimpers, which is pretty realistic.
In the meeting room, House has his feet up on a table. That shouldn't be allowed -- I doubt J. Whitner can put her feet up like that. I'm telling! Foreman says that Stevie's liver is improving, but now he's got a new hole. "We plug one hole then end up poking another," he sighs. "We talking about the patient or how to get a raise from Cuddy?" asks House. In the background, Cameron smiles in spite of herself. Foreman says that there is a massive hemorrhage in Stevie's bladder. So it wasn't his ass bleeding after all. A welcome change, indeed. House says that it must be Wegener's, and the Cottages are pissed. Treating him for Wegener's, they say, has only made Stevie worse. House points out that it made Stevie's liver better, and that they've ruled out all the other causes of the liver granuloma, so it has to be Wegener's. Foreman agrees. House pops a wheelie in his wheelchair and spins around and no one is impressed. What does he have to do for you people?!?! When he recommends treating Stevie with "FD28," that gets a reaction. Even the Magic Schoolbus Cam gets in on the action as House explains that the treatment will change Stevie's immune system so that it stops attacking the blood vessels. And indeed, the CGI vein looks much improved after the introduction of FD28. But there's a problem: FD28 is an experimental drug that's only worked for patients with Crohn's disease and rheumatoid arthritis. No problem, says House: they'll just lie and say that Stevie's got one of those diseases.
"Absolutely not," says Dad, adding that his "people have been experimented on before. Never again." Foreman says that his people have been experimented on as well, and that comparing PPTH to Auschwitz is "ridiculous." The Tuskegee experiments, Foreman adds, went on for twenty-eight years after WWII ended. I don't know if bringing up government-sanctioned experimentation on what was seen to be a lesser race is the best way to prove your point here, Foreman. Stevie's dad says that laws preventing Roma from entering New Jersey were on the books until 1998. I couldn't believe this was true and looked it up, and, lo and behold, New Jersey did indeed have a law -- from 1917 until it was repealed in 1998 -- that allowed local governments to regulate Roma travel and businesses. It didn't say that Romany people weren't allowed to be in those towns, but at the very least, it obviously made life difficult for them. That's incredible. Shame on you, New Jersey. But at least that law no longer exists, unlike the one that says gas stations have to be full serve. Foreman changes the subject back to treating Stevie, saying that this treatment could be the only way to save their son. Mom says that "a lifetime of experiences tells me I can't trust you. And the past three days have done nothing to change that." Then why have him here at all, Mom? If they think that all Stevie needs is some willow bark soup and blankets to get better, take him home. You can either play the victim-of-racism card or say that non-Romas pollute your home with their presence, but you can't do both.
Foreman tells House that they'll need to think of something else. House says there is nothing else, and orders Foreman back to Stevie's room to do some hard selling. At this point, J. Whitner rolls down from the opposite end of the hall, and a standoff begins. House keeps wheeling himself in J. Whitner's path while she tries to avoid him. Her efforts are futile, and she collides with House and looks pretty pissed off about it. Foreman wisely leaves the scene while House talks to J. Whitner about the bet. She says she's not worried about losing her spot, since she heard that House isn't so great when it comes to exercising his willpower. "My will may be weak, but my backbone is strong," brags House. He says that being in a chair has made it difficult to see down Cuddy's shirt, although he does have an improved vantage point of her ass. Oh please -- when can't you look down Cuddy's shirt with those plunging necklines of hers? Indeed, even J. Whitner's gotten a good look at Cuddy's breasts and, with a mischievous eyebrow raise, says "they are nice, aren't they?" House -- this is the woman for you. The jury's still out on whether you're the sex for her, but if so, make your move. House refuses to let J. Whitner win him over, but he does get out of her way.
When Foreman comes back to Stevie's room, Stevie's entire extended family is there. Uh oh! Someone check the maternity ward and make sure all the first-born babies are still there! Just kidding! Although, if you did want to steal a baby, PPTH would be the hospital to do it from. Although you do run an increased risk of getting a baby with some horrible disease. Foreman asks everyone to leave the room. Mom asks why they have to leave. Foreman says that the bandages he's applying are for Stevie's penis. Dad signals everyone to take off. I'm surprised they'd even let impure Foreman touch their son's deal. Whatever.
As soon as they've gone, Stevie asks Foreman why he lied to his parents, since his penis is no longer bleeding and therefore doesn't need any bandages. Foreman tells him about the experimental treatment and his parents' objections to it. Foreman also respects Stevie enough to tell him the entire truth about the treatment -- that while it's been successful in treating other conditions, it's untested on Wegener's. Stevie guesses that they've run out of options, and Foreman says he's right. He gives Stevie the medicine and tells him to take it but not tell his parents. Stevie says that he doesn't like lying to his parents. Unless, apparently, he's drinking or smoking pot or having sex with his non-Roma girlfriend. Then it's okay. Foreman says that Stevie can trust Foreman, since he's putting his job on the line. Stevie nods, but before he can take the medicine, he has more pain.
Cut to Stevie in surgery. The surgeon comments that Stevie's spleen "basically exploded." Damn! House watches from the balcony above while they remove the spleen and give it to Foreman. Foreman tells them to keep Stevie open so that he can check out the spleen and "stage" Wegener's. He goes to a microscope, and House starts ordering him over the intercom to hurry up. Foreman says that the slide of Stevie's spleen tissue that he managed to make in three seconds shows no Wegener's. The head surgeon says that he's going to start closing when another doctor cheerfully sing-songs that Stevie must not have Wegener's after all. House tells them to "run" Stevie's bowel and look for granulomas, but the surgeon refuses. So House takes off in his wheelchair, which we see has now been outfitted with a bumper sticker that reads "I'd rather be walking." I don't know where he managed to get that in one day, but it's awesome. There's a tense race between the surgeons closing up and House waiting for the elevator to arrive. Even though the elevator only has to travel, like, two floors, it takes too long and House decides to take the stairs instead. Still in his wheelchair, he goes down them and swings into the OR without scrubbing up. The surgeon tells someone to escort House out of the room, and says that the liver didn't have a granuloma after all -- it was just scar tissue that cleverly disguised itself as a granuloma. He starts to close, but no! House walks (yes, walks) up wearing gloves and the sleeves of some scrubs and says that they'll have to sew his hands inside Stevie. He's going to feel Stevie's bowels -- all twenty-six feet of them -- for granulomas whether the surgeon likes it or not. He starts feeling them up while Stevie's vitals drop. House orders the sing-songy lady to hang another bag of Ringer's lactate, and she angrily, and yet still sing-songily, says that she is having "nothing to do with this." Ha! In the future, I want an episode just about the non-House PPTH staff and how they survive dealing with him. Foreman hangs the bag as House feels along the bowels, and that's a nice sight for us. But he doesn't find a granuloma. The surgeon puts Stevie's intestines back inside him while House comments to Foreman that it's a good thing they didn't give Stevie that FD28 after all. Except now they've probably given him a bunch of infections. I guess you can be polluted by non-Romas after all.
After the commercial, House and the Cottages comment that neither Stevie's parents nor the surgical team will let them near Stevie. And for good reason: they got the diagnosis wrong. You fail, House. House goes back over Stevie's case, and decides that they need to look at Stevie's large intestine, since he only felt the small intestines in the OR. House compares it to losing one's keys. After you look for them in all the logical places, you have to start looking in the illogical ones. Maybe, but I still wouldn't look up my ass for them. Cameron reminds House that the parents won't let them near Stevie, and Foreman says that Stevie's in the ICU now, which means that they have limited visiting privileges. And PPTH has no measures in place to ensure that unwanted medical procedures are performed on its patients. With that, he runs away. House follows, as do Chase and Cameron.
House comes roaring out of PPTH in his wheelchair in an attempt to hit Cuddy and make her spill her coffee. She's wise to his attack, though, and stops before impact. He brags that he made it through the week in the wheelchair, so now it's time for Cuddy to pay up. Ah, no, she says --House got out of the wheelchair when he was in the OR. I love that someone ratted him out to Cuddy about that. I'll bet it was that sing-songy woman. House says that he got out of the chair to save a kid's life, neglecting to mention that he didn't, since there was no granuloma and he exposed the kid to infection. House maintains that he earned his parking spot. And J. Whitner didn't? "You lost!" says Cuddy, doing an impression of Ace Ventura. House jumps out of the chair, limps over to Cuddy, and says that he knows she never intended to give him the parking space back, since when he talked to J. Whitner about it, she wasn't worried. So J. Whitner must have known that Cuddy wouldn't give House back his spot regardless of whether he won the bet. Cuddy tries to look confident, but it's not working. House asks her if she feels guilty: "You want to teach me lessons? Don't make commitments you can't keep." He walks away and over to Wilson. His back to Cuddy, House asks Wilson how guilty Cuddy looks right now, and Wilson says it's about an 8. Indeed, Cuddy looks really sad right there. Poor Cuddy. "That space is mine!" says House, and leaves the wheelchair outside where someone can walk into it and hurt himself.
And as the music cues, Stevie leaves PPTH surrounded by his family who love him but hate everyone else. Foreman watches from the balcony and looks half-asleep, although I think that's supposed to be "envious." Stevie and Foreman exchange nods, and that's it.
House and his cane walk outside.
Foreman eats dinner. ALONE. I guess things didn't work out with that nurse, and Roc was too busy to appear. Foreman isn't alone, is what I'm saying.
House walks to the parking lot and sees that his parking spot has been restored. He grins. Weird how Cuddy can feel all that guilt for an imagined slight against House, but none for giving J. Whitner a parking space and then cruelly ripping it away from her even after she promised her she wouldn't. week had better be J. Whitner's revenge.