After the elimination ceremony, Brian really feels like it was near-death experience and pledges to refocus and get serious. Meanwhile, on Red, now with one-hundred percent less Roshni, seems to be splintering somewhat. This could be due to the fact that they are all terrible people who hate each other.
The morning, Ramsay tells the gathered chefs that they're focusing on Mexican food today, which is the first time they've done so. Really? Racists.
Chef Scott carries in a multicolored piñata donkey, and Robyn makes a joke about wanting to take a shot at Scott's ass. Wait, I thought she was gay? Or was someone just implying that, for homophobic-insult purposes?
Anyway, the piñata is filled with balls, each of which has an ingredient on them. They'll have ninety seconds to grab 25 balls for ingredients for five dishes. Ramsay whacks the piñata but the balls aren't in there (to be fair, Ramsay technically didn't say they were) but come dropping down from the ceiling. Ramsay laughs maniacally while the chefs get to say things like, "I got down on my knees and I grabbed whatever balls were in front of me" and "There were balls literally everywhere."
Once the ball-grabbing frenzy is over, Ramsay tells them they have thirty-five minutes to make five traditional Mexican dishes. Actually, each team will make seven dishes but choose five to present to Ramsay. Brian calls his dish "sexy," which means we're going to see some slow-motion with saxophone over top. Meanwhile, Danielle's whining about how she's supposed to make a burrito fine dining. You microwave it while watching Downton Abbey, duh. When it comes time to select the decisions, though, Blue Team opts for Royce's tacos over Brian's. This kind of emphasis can only mean Blue loses and Ramsay will taste Brian's tacos and declare them sexy and would have won the entire show right there.
Ramsay introduces the guest judges to help with the contest: Thomas Ortega of Ortega 120 and John Sedlar of Rivera and Playa. The teams clap dutifully, given they clearly have no idea who these guys are, although Justin is at least pleased they get to put their dishes in front of big-time chefs.
Anyway, Royce and Kimmie are up first in the taco department. Royce has traditional pork tacos, but the judges don't like the greasiness of the tortilla. Kimmie's shrimp fajita taco is a hit with the judges, who award a point to Red. Brian gripes that Kimmie wouldn't have beat his beautiful, vibrant tacos.
Burritos now: Danielle's grilled New York strip, which is declared "hard to eat." Clemenza's "Mexican-Italian" burrito, with provolone and "moozadell," and the pork and chicken. Sedlar says Mexican and Italian food are compadres while Ortega praises his taking a chance. Point Blue.
Tiffany's crab salsa soup takes on Justin's pickled shrimp tortilla soup. The judges like both, but Red gets the point by a hair.
Christina's carnitas enchiladas has been "sanitized" of anything Mexican, according to Sedlar, so Patrick's lobster enchilada is the clear winner.
The score is tied and we're at the last dish, but given the air time given to the Taco Tiff, we know who's winning this thing.
Dana made a seared ahi tuna tostado, which the judges like. Roshni made a grilled tostado, with a chili-crab filling. Ortega's vote is for Blue, but Sedlar, while also liking Roshni's dish, thinks Red deserves the point.
So Ramsay's the tiebreaker, and he picks the Red Team. "I won for our team, and it feels so, so, so good," says Dana, who mistakes "getting the last point" for "getting all the points." To her credit, Ramsay declares her dish the best out of all ten made for the challenge.
Ramsay sends the women off to get ready for their Mexican-themed day of victory (which includes a limo ride to Sedlar's restaurant), and Brian takes out his frustration on a punching bag in the dorms.
And while the women chow down on what looks like a truly amazing meal (Danielle calls it the best meal she's EVER had), the men are fed tripe for lunch. This pleases no one but Clemenza, who, it must be said, doesn't appear exactly discerning about what he eats.
Then it's on to salsa lessons for the women, which eventually becomes Dana wearing a sombrero and swearing at us while shaking her maracas (not a euphemism). Meanwhile, Kimmie would have you believe that people in the South don't dance but just bounce. She demonstrates, and the production ill-advisedly tosses in some thumping and floor-shaking to go along with it.
While Blue preps the kitchens, Clemenza gets into an argument with Patrick because Patrick isn't telling him what to do enough, or something. Then Red comes rolling in, presumably reeking of tequila and chimichanga.
"Not winning is like pulling your lips to the back of your head while someone throws dripping acid in your face," says Brian. Huh? "Pulling your lips to the back of your head"? What does that mean? You know you're being recorded, right?
Later that night, Royce is whining that the judges liked Kimmie's tacos better than they liked his, but he's not finding a sympathetic ear in Tiffany, who has decided on a "no bitching" policy. That's commendable, although she might find a "no smoking and drinking straight from the bottle while in a hot tub" policy to be equally as valid. Scratch that. I think a "please put a bra on" policy would be welcomed, at least by me.
Tiffany sits down with Kimmie and Robyn to tell them Christina, Danielle and Dana whined about her tacos. Tiffany is so drunk that she has taken Royce's bitching and attributed to her own teammates, which is so amusing to me I can't even quantify it. Kimmie, upon hearing the fake news that her teammates complained about the point she got for them, doesn't appear impressed.
It leads to a confrontation later, with Red Team sitting in the dorms wearing their team jackets, apparently just before dinner service. Dana is the most vehement in her denial of Kimmie's accusations, and Kimmie doesn't appear to believe her. "They're all lying bitches. I don't trust any of them," Kimmie tells us. Aw, she really has the voice of an angel, doesn't she? Sensibly, she also doesn't think fighting right before the service was a good idea. Since the interview clearly happened some time later, I'm putting my money on Blue now.
Blue's working great together right now, even if you roll your eyes at the revelation that they've all decided to become gentlemen now that Roshni has joined them, which chauvinistically includes deciding Roshni's lady-ears can't handle any cursing. Good job she went on Hell's Kitchen then, huh?
Ramsay peps everyone up for the first-ever Mexican night, but he's not so excited that he lets poor James wear the huge sombrero he's got on. The menu for tonight includes an ahi tuna tostada, tequila cilantro mussels and a New York strip with mojo verde. Kimmie provides the scintillating analysis that it's important to start well with appetizers. But we need some kind of setup to show Barbie messing up the mussels. In Blue, Guy pledges not to serve any bad food, but his ahi tuna comes up stone cold. Then he makes the mistake of briefly arguing with Ramsay over whether it's OK. His second batch is fine. Barbie likewise gets it right on her second try.
Things go really well for Red and they move quickly into entrees, which is where everything goes arse-up. Dana -- blaming Kimmie's instructions -- serves up meat and fish on the same tray, so Ramsay goes on a ten-minute profanity-fuelled fact-finding mission to determine who committed such a crime. No one says anything. Dana figures Kimmie should "man up" because it's her station, while Kimmie thinks Dana should speak up, because "That bitch did it."
Eventually, Kimmie does say she did it, but then glares at Dana to make sure everyone knows who really did it. And then Kimmie and Dana start bickering while the rest of the team (and everyone watching) wishes the two of them would just shut up.
Patrick and Guy are now serving up Blue's first entrees, which are, according to Ramsay, "unbelievable." Hint: he doesn't mean it in a good way. Ramsay also yells at Patrick to control his team, and Patrick says he will. Guy is wisely not arguing this time.
Over in Red, Danielle is telling everyone listening that her pork is "the bomb, yo." Ramsay's opinion -- that her raw pork is "the ultimate insult" -- is slightly different. He punches the pork, and Robyn feels bad for the pig.
Things aren't going well for Patrick and Guy, though. Patrick tells Guy to slice the steak too early, because Patrick's chicken isn't ready yet. Ramsay's in no mood for apologies, and he throws them both out of the kitchen, prompting a crying talking-head with Patrick, who blubbers about how he's never been thrown out of anything in his life.
While Blue tries to pick up the pieces, Danielle serves up her second attempt at the pork. The team watches Ramsay slice and touch it, and they start urging Danielle to just get another pork on the go NOW, because for god's SAKE, Danielle! But a moment later, Ramsay comes back to blister Danielle for another raw serving, and he boots her out of the kitchen.
Justin serves up some pork despite Clemenza's protestations that it's not done, and sure enough, it's raw, earning both of them a one-way ticket off the meat station and into the dorms, so Blue kitchen is down to three chefs. And one of them is Royce, which can only spell disaster.
Hey, everyone, say hello to Barbie! Ramsay boots her for needing a meat thermometer to see if a chicken breast is done. Close on her heels is Tiffany, who burns some mashed potatoes. Make room for Royce, who burns the skin on something, and gets an extra-special "You're in over your head" from Ramsay on his way out of the kitchen.
That means it's down to just Roshni and Brian in Blue, and their confidence isn't helped by Ramsay telling them he doesn't care if he finishes a table with just Scott for help. Great pep talk for the two chefs who haven't yet earned a trip to the dorms!
Two hours into Mexican night. Eight chefs ejected. Ramsay swears on his children's lives that if Blue fucks up this table, they're history. They serve up some chicken and watch anxiously as Ramsay inspects it. It's good enough for service, and the two of them manage to finish dinner service, as do the survivors of the Red Team.
Afterwards, Ramsay informs them that Mexican night was an absolute disgrace. ¡Ay, caramba! Ramsay blasts Kimmie for putting the steak on the tray with the fish, and this time Kimmie blames Dana, who feebly says she doesn't recall it happening that way. The tape shows Kimmie in fact putting the meat on Dana's tray, with Dana asking her if she was going to put it all on the same tray, and Kimmie saying yes. In conclusion, shut up, Kimmie.
Oh, but as for you assholes in Blue? Patrick, are you tired? No, chef. "I'm tired of you," says Ramsay, who says both teams lost, and they should be embarrassed. He tells them to pick their members for elimination. I always enjoy his weary, "Fuck off, all of you," and tonight's extra "Just leave me alone, will you?"
Blue Team looks to come to a consensus -- Patrick and Guy -- quickly. Patrick sees it as a strategic move on their part, what with him being a "man amongst boys" and all that. The waterworks on display after he was kicked out say different, I'd argue. Patrick gets up and starts hitting the punching bag, which is more giggle-inducing than intimidating.
Meanwhile, Red are already disemboweling each other and feasting on entrails. Barbie tries to point out that her crime was checking a chicken with a meat thermometer, and Kimmie calls her a bitch and Robyn wants everyone to stop slinging the b-word around and Kimmie makes her umpteenth reference to the "hood" and says Barbie would already be beaten or dead or whatever if they were in the hood.
Danielle's name comes up, and she protests that she wasn't fucking up all night. No, just when you had to cook something, that's all. She doesn't appear to see why raw pork is such a big deal. Dana doesn't think Danielle should go home, because Danielle is Dana's best friend here, so I guess Dana's operating at a junior-high level. So she's arranging an alliance with Christina and Danielle. Christina's open, but on the other hand, good god, Danielle, twice with the raw pork.
The teams march into the dining room, where Ramsay calls Mexican night a massacre, and then we get to the nominees. For Blue: Patrick, who broke down a little. Patrick shakes his head. And also Guy, who made mistakes that screwed them.
Ramsay asks Barbie who Red's first nominee is. "Me, chef," says Barbie, surprising Ramsay. She says it was because she was weeded on the hot app station. The second nominee is the Ford Focus. Oh wait, we've gone to commercial.
The second Red nominee is Danielle, because she served raw pork and couldn't get herself together.
Ramsay summons them all forward and asks why they should stay. Patrick says he's been consistent and professional, even though he screwed up tonight. "You're beat, aren't you?" says Ramsay, and Patrick denies it. Guy says he's been solid and is a fighter. He says he's not over his head. Danielle says she put herself on a station she's never worked because she wanted to stand out. And yes, she messed up a pork chop. "And I'll probably never do that again!" she says. Well, you did it immediately again, and your qualifying "probably" here is hilarious. Barbie says she doesn't feel she deserves to even be standing there right now. Ramsay agrees with her and sends her back in line.
He looks at the remaining three for a moment, calling it a tough one, then says the person leaving Hell's Kitchen is ... and then the show announces it is To Be Continued. Are you KIDDING?
The episode closes with "In Memory of: David Pearson," who apparently was a young man with brain cancer who was supposed to be the guest of honor at the dinner but died last month. So not exactly the feel-good episode of the season, this one.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. Seriously, who can't cook mashed potatoes? Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel[at]gmail.com.