Will's first case is a doozy: A wrongful death civil suit about the pepper spray/stun gun death of a 99-percenter that takes turns through suggestions of drug abuse, depression, and anarchy before ending in a simple cover-up. A cop thought he'd been marked as possible trouble, and responded with more force than necessary. A blowup on the stand ends up with a $3.5M settlement on a first offer of $800K, so yeah, Gardner's done his part for the firm this week. On the way, though, we get to check with Richard Gilmore -- haven't seen him in a while -- as opposing counsel, and argue the case in front of Judge James Urbaniak, who is like one of those Doctor Who statues only instead of getting closer when you're not looking, he just gets hotter every time.
Kalinda's still off her game thanks to Fifty Shades over there, but eventually provides some modicum of help in the form of her usual fourth-act brilliance. She spends most of the episode locked in her confusing dance of death with Nick Towtruck Savarese, who is constantly breaking things and drinking Perrier in scary ways until you think everybody's going to get murdered, and then suddenly crying or taking her on ice cream dates. (Which event we've been hearing about all summer as being the kinkiest fingerbang in the history of this show that's already largely about fingerbanging, but in fact was just a little mean and mostly hilarious.)
Mostly, the episode is about a serious rollercoaster ride for our protagonista, as she's constantly and alternately treated to the highs and lows of being Alicia Florrick and all that implies. Diane tries to track down their new landlord, microcircuit multimillionaire Maddie Hayward (Maura Tierney!) through the bonds of their Emily Lister-sisterhood, but eventually realizes she's only interested in Alicia, so sends our girl in blind to fight for their mortgage. Confusingly, stalwart feminist Maddie then decides in short order to 1) contribute to Peter's campaign in honor of his wife, 2) ask Alicia to drinks, explicitly so they can be Forever Besties because she's a lonely billionaire who knows what it's like when everybody has an agenda, and 3) abruptly refuse to give L/G any relief on their demonic mortgage situation. An enraged Diane tries to pin this on Alicia and it's ... bad. Like, "Not even Will can save your ass, just get the hell out of there" bad.
Meanwhile the Trustee conducts more interviews (Hi Cary! Bye Cary!) that could be much funnier or more insightful or at least more interesting than they are, but Alicia starts to notice he's doing whatever she tells her. Like, she says she likes one chick in Mergers, and she's the only one who doesn't get fired. Absolutely confused about how to use this new power or what it is, she calls his bluff about Family Law, and he not only burns her as his HR guiding principle, but yells at her about agreeing to cut Savarese loose. So I guess we're keeping his business for now, as well, which puts us right back where we were, only with everybody a little more pissed at everybody else.
All in all, as I say, a confusing and exhausting day for Alicia Florrick. But it ends with a grateful Peter (and even more grateful Eli) taking her back (to their original) home on the campaign bus, while "Midnight Train To Georgia" plays and the Florricks have a complex but fairly adorable conversation about maybe fucking using only their eyes and sly smiles. Obviously, something horrible is about to happen, and it's moments after this episode-ending sequence that we see what it is.
week, Miriam Shor (LOVE!) turns up with evidence of Alicia's affair with Will, causing a major rift between herself and Team Florrick. And in other news, presumably at least one of the now three major-arc guest stars will finally decide to reveal at least a portion of their still-mysterious reasons for being on the show. Why is Maddie Hayward so fascinated by Alicia? Why is Nathan Lane so fascinated by Alicia? And what in the hell is Kalinda even doing?
PREVIOUSLY
A trustee came in-house to take L/G apart and put it back together; the firm unwittingly took on Kalinda's husband as a client; Will finally got off his suspension; Alicia's involvement in Peter's campaign just keeps taking on more and more surprising twists.
TRUSTEE INTERVIEWS
Hayden: "So, you're the newest member of Litigation?"
Cary: "Returning member of Litigation, yes."
Hayden: "And you've contributed, since you came back?"
Cary: "Uh, yeah. Look at me. Also, I tried 140 cases as an ASA, so I got criminal on lock."
Hayden: "Any family in Chicago?"
Lady: "Ha! No, I'm married to my work. You won't get me that way."
Hayden: "Say we're downsizing Ligitation. Why keep you over, I don't know, Alicia Florrick?"
Lady: "Well, that's odd because she's great, but... I have more transactional experience?"
Dude (John Gaultner?): "...Also more billable hours. And I don't like saying it, but some partners have some issues, with Alicia. Not to tell too many tales out of school, or make it obvious that I'm talking about myself, but... She has the biggest office. And she's the only one on the 28th floor, which puts her closest to the power center. Yeah, other people I can't say their names, they really hate that. They can be pretty competitive."
Hayden: "Okay, so why keep you over the other fourth-years?"
Alicia: "I'm good."
Hayden: "Better than, like, John Gaultner?"
Alicia: "No ma'am. Not playing that game. I'm old enough to remember what happens in the Thunderdome."
So right away, you get a weird sense that he's trying to play her off everybody else. At first, you don't notice that he's asking everybody about her, because it's on a show that is about her. But it's there. I don't know, won't know by the end of the episode, what his game is. But I only just noticed he was doing that. Also, needs more Cary generally.
BEACHAM TRIAL
Diane: "Lawyers only, on this side of the little gate. Just kidding! I came to wish you good luck on your first case."
She marvels at Will's little tabs on his notebook -- "like a good first-year!" -- and hands him a gag gift: Introduction to Trial Law. You gotta be pretty close to pull a joke like that; he loves it. Judge "James Urbaniak" Temple -- to be catalogued in your running list of judge quirks as "the one that won't quit about how he went to Harvard" -- presiding. Opposing council is Lionel "Grandpa Gilmore" Deerfield, who headed up the committee that caged up Will in the first place.
Lionel: "How's this for ironies, Will?"
Will: "Ironic indeed, Lionel."
Diane whispers shit-talk about Lionel into Will's ear, which eventually he has to tell her to quit even though he loves that too, and the trial begins. There was a demonstration, last May, against NATO. Tyler Beacham got pepper-sprayed by a blandly attractive cop, and later -- due to aggression, it's explained Beacham's part -- got stun-gunned, lost consciousness, and died choking.
Will: "Who's that in this video screaming and choking?"
Cop: "I believe that's Tyler Beacham, the assailant."
Will: "Uh, you mean the victim?"
Lionel objects, but Temple tells them both to quit. Will explains that Beacham is the son of his client, who's suing the City for wrongful death, as the video continues to play.
Will: "That's you, shooting Mr. Beacham with a stun gun?"
Cop: "He charged at me! The video doesn't show it..."
Will: "So but how many times did you send 40,000 volts through his body?"
Lionel, objecting: "The stun gun is set at 40,000, but when the probes make contact with the skin the voltage drops to 1400."
Temple, any excuse: "If I remember my Harvard Physics class about stun guns correctly, Mr. Deerfield, I believe you're right. Sustained."
Will: "Yeah, because that's so much better."
The fiancée climbs all over his spasming body, trying to figure out if he's even breathing. It's pretty awful, made moreso by the DIY video quality.
Will: "How many times with the 1400 volts?"
Cop: "Three."
Will: "And after the third time you shot him with 1400 volts?"
Cop: "Not a lot. He was pretty much dead at that point. On the upside, he'd stopped creating a disturbance pretty much."
HAYDEN VS. L/G
Alicia brings in the first settlement offer: $800K. Even Nathan Lane cracks a smile.
Will: "Nah, he can do better. I haven't even questioned the fiancée yet."
Diane: "Don't get cocky or feel like you have to prove anything, Will. The City hates paying out on wrongful death suits. You won! Just say yes."
Will: "I can double it. The fiancée will make 'em cry their eyes out."
Hayden: "No, you will not be risking this check."
Diane: "Uh, actually it's not up to you. I'm not sure if you get me yet, but telling us what to do is like the number one guaranteed way to make me back Will's play."
Hayden, bouncing: "Whatever. This is why you can't have nice things. This shit right here."
The update from Hayden is that for the $60M they need to pay off their debts, they've got David Lee pulling in old receivables, Cuesta and my darling Colin Sweeney are good, and they're at $2M toward the goal.
Diane: "He's forcing us to sell the 27th floor."
Will: "We'll be like steerage up here! And yet, you seem becalmed."
Diane: "Check this out. Our landlord went bankrupt, and the lease has been taken over by Maddie Hayward."
Will: "The semiconductor lady, yeah. But why is this a particularly good thing?"
Diane: "Because Maddie Hayward is a new member of Emily's List."
Will: "So you know her?"
Diane: "Not really, but in my imagination we're two peas in a pod. You just go win this case. And I'll finally, finally be able to use the Good Old Girls' network I've been staunchly trying to believe in my entire life."
Diane sends Alicia to back Will up in court -- "He's better when he has someone to impress" -- and relates the sad news that John Gaultner, his second-chair, just got fired sometime since the last scene. Meanwhile, Will places his fourth pissed-off call to a nonresponsive Kalinda, because it's not just Alicia he needs to impress. Not by a long shot.
SAVARESES
Where Kalinda is, is at an ice cream parlor, with Nick. They are sitting at a window counter, facing away from the laughing, giddy, sugar-shocked children. Luckily.
Nick: "You left me. You left me hanging, at my lowest point."
Kalinda: "I know! I wish I'd seen your face."
Nick: "After two years in jail, I come out expecting my loving wife to be there. Instead, you'd stolen a bunch of money and burned my clothes and shit."
Kalinda: "Aww, did you cry? But I mean seriously, did it make you cry?"
Nick: "I don't remember you being such a bitch."
Kalinda, lapping at her ice cream: "Then you have a bad memory."
Nick, without further ado, digitally pleasures his wife at the ice cream counter. She remains particularly unmoved, licking her ice cream cone as though it's just another day.
Nick: "Remember that?"
Kalinda: "I remember you being better at it."
Angrily, he shoves his three fingers in her ice cream. Sanguine, she goes ahead and keeps eating. It's pretty normal, actually. For a scene that supposedly killed three CBS censors and left the other two in a gibbering mess at the local psych ward, it just seems like something you would expect from these two. A little fingerbanging, a little bodily fluid in the ice cream. If he'd grabbed her ice cream and gone in with that, I'd be surprised. That, I have never seen before. (Well, maybe like once or twice. But not in this environment). This, on the other hand, just seems ill-advised and petulant in a way I'm beginning to notice is very Nick Savarese. Why would Kalinda Sharma be afraid of, um, that? It's like her two favorite things. Get real.
HAYWARD
"Facebook's COO Sheryl Sandberg thinks we can have it all, Anne-Marie Savage [sic] thinks we can't have it all. All I can think is, what the hell? Have you ever heard a man wonder if he could have it all? So why are we saddled with so much guilt? I have enough Catholic and Jewish guilt, now I'm getting feminist guilt?"
...Is exactly the kind of boilerplate speech a Busy Busy Businesswoman would give at a meeting of Busy Busy Businesswomen, the Platonic ideal of what Busy Busy Businesswomen talk about, all the time. Aren't we all so Busy, fellow Businesswomen? For a show that locates its bona fides squarely in the realm of the most current feminist debate -- for a show who based an entire character last season on this Sandberg/Slaughter privileged white-lady nonsense, and managed to explain both sides better than either of them -- it's nothing if not a little discordant. A town hall meeting to discuss Basic Shit Everybody Here Already Understands. And I mean, things can be boring, I'm sure somebody somewhere has given this speech, but to have it just be the Whatever introduction to this lady, this important guest star, makes it sound like background noise. "Now you know everything about this lady you need to know for now. We've introduced a real live feminist into your shit, viewers! Stand back!" Okay, but so then like, what have we been doing the last three years?
Diane, after: "...Maddie!"
Maddie: "What. You're Diane, right? The lawyer."
Diane: "Maddie, you old so-and-so. Heard we're gonna be neighbors!"
Maddie: "Are we? Oh right, I bought you. You're in that building?"
Diane: "Three floors of it. We're a very Busy Business!"
Maddie: "Okay well, it was great talking to you about this."
Diane: "Look. I've never used the Good Old Girl network before. Is there a handshake or... Because we need relief on our payment schedule, and you're the landlord..."
Maddie: "How about you send a proposal to my team about this? Like you should have done in the first place? Instead of thinking we are menstrual mortgage sisters or whatever is going on here?"
Diane: "Whoa. Okay. That went bad. Nice speech, though! Very relevant to my struggles as a successful professional woman, like we both are."
Maddie: "...Actually, there is somebody at your firm that I'm dying to meet who isn't you. In Litigation..."
Diane: "Ah, Will Gardner. He's my partner. We're partners at the firm."
Maddie: "No, bleh. No. That woman who stood by her husband. The Good Wife."
Diane: "Fucking for real?"
Maddie: "Have her give me a call."
Diane: "She's actually on the reorganization committee I just made up, so..."
Maddie: "Great, whatever. Stop wasting my time and have her call me, okay?"
Diane: "She's only a fourth-year, for Chrissake! She is my motherfucking mentee!
Poor Diane! That sucked so bad. But I love how they cast Maura Tierney in this role, because like, I have wanted Maura Tierney to be my best friend since I was a teenager. She always seems so with-it. Even on ER when she played like a feral drunk or whatever it was, I still wanted her advice about things. She's like this ultimate Big Sister that could teach Diane about makeup and tampons and bulimia and shit like that, but she's too busy (So Very Busy!) with her boyfriends and after-school job and driver's license-having to even consider the fact that you, like, exist.
BEACHAM TRIAL
Will: "Do you need a minute? You seem pretty devastated by this wrongful death."
Fiancée: "I mean, I'm the starry-eyed child activist True Believer. He just came down to see me and pretend he cared about things I cared about, so I would have sex with him. It was a prime thing of our love."
Will: "And he'd proposed to you, correct? A month to him dying with 1400 volts in his body, making him barf foam and die while you clutched at his body?"
Fiancée: "Yes! We were getting married in August. This was my last chance to hold him."
The video continues to be heartwrenching, the fiancée is herself a heartbreaker, and Will finally finds a second to ask Alicia where the hell John Gaultner is. Gone, he's gone. Temple excuses the fiancée and invites them all back at nine tomorrow, since he's got -- you guessed it -- a Harvard Alumni Association meeting. Suddenly, as they're gathering their stuff, the bailiff presents him with a note and he calls everybody up to the bench.
Temple: "Fiancée, don't go anywhere. Lawyers, have you heard of Illinois Supreme Court Rule 243? Took effect last July? No? Well, I haven't had a chance to exercise it yet, so I'm very enthused. It permits jurors in civil cases to submit written questions to witnesses. And we got one! On this paper right here!"
Lionel objects, because the whole point of building a case is that you build the case, which I very much can see his point, like, what is the point of the whole adversarial system, discovery, voir dire, the whole thing if the jurors can just throw random wrenches in there. But Temple's answer is persuasive: As his Civil Procedure prof at Guess Where University always said, "You can never have too many knights in the quest for justice."
Valid. Kind of like how everybody started asking this year why there's even an electoral college anymore. Will doesn't mind, though: At least they'll know more about the jury mindset, which will help since Kalinda's still off getting fingerbanged in various dessert shoppes and has no time to read their minds like usual.
Q: "Why weren't you wearing your engagement ring the day of the protest?"
Will: "Uh, hang on. That goes to facts not in evidence..."
Temple: "They seem to have anticipated your objection, and noted here that they're talking about this based on the two photos you've shown. She's wearing it in one of them, but not in the one while he was actively dying, and now she's wearing it in court. "
Will, stupidly: "Redirect? Fiancée, isn't it true that you simply left your ring at home that day so as not to risk it getting stolen?"
Lionel & Temple: "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Will: "I'll rephrase. Fiancée, do you remember why you didn't wear your ring that day?"
Fiancée: "I guess because I was afraid it might get stolen or lost?"
Classy, Gardner. Real classy. And then he harrumphs hilariously at Alicia on the way out -- "Suddenly we got fuckin' Columbo on the jury?" -- before calling to yell at Kalinda some more.
L/G
Turns out the girl broke off their engagement at the protest, and didn't mention that because she wanted to help their case. So now they've pissed off the jury and lost the sympathy from the engagement. Well done, Fiancée.
Hayden: "All I care about is that settlement offer. Did you fuck us out of that?"
Will: "Hope not."
Hayden: "Well, fix this. And I need to see you, Alicia."
Diane: "I get you first. I've been drinking for the last hour hoping to get this out of my mouth without screaming or slapping you, so I take precedence."
Diane: "Alicia, are you familiar with the lease relief portion of our bankruptcy plan?"
Alicia: "Why wouldn't I be? It's hella fascinating."
Diane: "Okay, we need you to take it to our new landlord."
Alicia: "Me. By myself? Meet with semiconductin' Maddie Hayward?"
L/G: "Yeah, and we want you to go to her. Personal touch."
Alicia: "Is this one of those deals where you're whoring me out and I feel good about myself for five seconds until I realize you're whoring me out? And then I turn out to have fucked it up anyway, so you resent me for doing something wrong that you omitted telling me to do at all? So I feel worthless like five different ways, all at once?"
L/G: "Yyyyyyyes. This is one of those deals."
Alicia: "Great! I'll do my best."
WILL VS KALINDA
Will: "The fuck have you been?"
Kalinda: "Trust me, you don't want to know. Did you call?"
Will: "Yeah, like five times. How come you aren't checking your phone?"
Kalinda: "I just... Don't worry about it. What do you need?"
Will: "Rogue juror on my case, seems to know background shit."
Kalinda: "Uh, which case?"
Will: "MY CASE! MY CASE, KALINDA! MY FIRST CASE BACK! I HAVE TABS!"
Kalinda: "Right, sorry. I'm really trying to pull it together, I apologize."
Will: "You and Cary need to figure out which juror is Rule 243ing us, and figure out if we can get rid of her. If she knows the clients, she lied during voir dire. Okay? KALINDA, OKAY?"
Kalinda: "Geez, okay."
Immediately, Nick: "I'm picking you up at eight. We are going to do it all the different ways. Then come at each other with lead pipes and just keep hitting until we're both unconscious. Also: Can I do some laundry at your place."
Kalinda: "Wait, I love this job and I like the people I work with. Why on earth would I choose your tiny scrunched face and sex-choking for that? Hmm. I seem to have painted myself into a corner."
TRUSTEE
Hayden: "You worked with Allison Saybach in Mergers & Acquisitions?"
Alicia: "Yep."
Hayden: "And how was she?"
Alicia: "Indispensible, you gnome."
Hayden: "Because didn't you get into it over the Sweeney proxy fight? That time he secretly impregnated that lady while going down on her in a pizza joint? Which actually happened on this show?"
Alicia: "Yeah, but it wasn't about that. Saybach turned out to be sweet and a real asset to her firm and department."
Hayden: "There are a lot of people in that department. We're in the lifeboat here."
Alicia: "I like Allison Saybach, and I don't know anyone else in that department, so you don't even need to ask me about them."
Alicia, to herself: "Good one, good twist there at the end. No way can he fuck you on that. You said that real good, Florrick. Real good lawyer-type thinking. And under such pressure, too! You are doing great today."
Some folks think we can have it all: That right here, this time in this century, is a tiger you can catch by the tail, that by your vigilance and your self-reliance you can tame it.
Kalinda: "...Why was that gnome in here?"
Alicia: "I don't know, everybody wants a piece of me. How's it going?"
Kalinda: "So, um. You know that tiny scary man? The towtruck guy?"
Alicia: "Actually, he's incorporating today and I was going to ask you to sit in..."
Kalinda: "PS, though, he is my husband."
Alicia: "Hold on. What?"
Others think the beast isn't tame yet. Not quite yet. That thinking you can do it, or worse, thinking you have done it, is a road into the dark. That we're in a time where wisdom is the better part of valor, that sisterhood is your better currency; better this, they say, then end up turned to stone. End up a beast yourself.
Alicia: "Did you... send him to us?"
Kalinda: "Hell no! He followed me to this country and wants to throw down roots in Chicago so he can stalk me full-time. I do not want that to happen."
Alicia: "Was he that scary man who called me?"
Kalinda: "No, that was Bill. I dealt with Bill."
If you catch yourself wishing you were the equal of a man, you're not wishing hard enough. But if you catch yourself thinking you're better than that, if you think you've got the tiger by the tail, chances are you'll end up dead.
Alicia: "Is Nick dangerous?"
Kalinda: "I don't know, at this point..."
Alicia: "You said he was. Before."
Kalinda: "Before, he was. Now? I..."
He hasn't done anything yet that she didn't submit to; he hasn't asked for anything yet that she can't give. I think this is the biggest piece of the puzzle so far: She hurt him, so he hurt her. But if he loves her, if he really and truly loves her, then maybe he's not the monster, the beast, that went into prison. Maybe he's her Nick, the only one that could ever keep up with her, through all her shapes and perversities. The only one who got her jokes. Maybe that's all it was, and she burnt down so many lives running for nothing: The beast's slavering jaws just a smiley face, nothing to fear at all. She could miss all that, for fear. For shadows on the wall.
Alicia: "Well, whatever. I should drop the case?"
Kalinda: "Yeah, for real."
Alicia: "All right, thanks."
You tell me people don't change, and I tell you: Sometimes, prison changes a man. Sometimes even for the better. A little time alone could do us all some good.
Alicia: "Yup. Exhausted, and it's not even noon."
That woman who stuck by her husband, that Good Wife. What would she say?
BEACHAM TRIAL
Expert witness, medical examiner Dr. Joseph Ladera (Harvard '89, natch; Temple's overjoyed).
Alicia: "Officer Mallen testified to pepper-spraying the victim first, before the stun gun."
Ladera: "That's a problem, because oleoresin capsicum can inhibit a subject's breathing by causing the throat to constrict."
Cary and Kalinda watch as #3, #6 and #11 write something down, but it could just be notes.
Alicia: "So you're already gasping for breath, when the shock hits..."
Ladera: "Like having the wind knocked out of you. Literally."
Alicia: "How about three of them?"
Ladera: "Exponentially worse."
Alicia: "So you'd say the use of a stun-gun three times, after the subject has already been pepper-sprayed... Wouldn't that constitute 'excessive force'? ...Sorry, I'll withdraw."
HAYWARD
The real estate agent leads Maddie's driver -- a man, who probably could care less -- around her new property, expounding on the virtues of the property. This leaves Maddie free to get time alone. Meet with new friends, or neighbors. Go about the business of being a person, while the man takes the hit.
Alicia: "...Ms. Hayward?"
Maddie: "Maddie. Or Miss Hayward. I don't mind being objectified."
Listen to her, girl. Watch carefully. This is half the game: Let the tiger do the work, tire itself out. Make him your pet, unleash him on your enemies. All it costs is something he doesn't understand anyway, and wouldn't care for if he did. Peter never asked once how your dignity was doing, did he? Whatever he had to say, so you'd stand by him, your body to his body, when the bright light flashed. Nick never once asked Leela why she loves Chicago, because he doesn't care. He only knows what he loves.
This is power. It's black magic, but it's power. If Alicia were ever going to war against Diane Lockhart, this woman could show her how. Perhaps it's already begun.
Alicia: "So like many firms these days, we've got a liquidity problem and we're looking at losing two of our three..."
Maddie: "How long have you worked at Lockhart/Gardner? Do you like it?"
Alicia: "I'm a fourth-year. And I do."
Maddie: "Do a lot of people ask you about standing by your husband?"
Alicia: "Not so much anymore, but you're probably right. It'll all start up again soon enough."
Maddie: "Are you campaigning with your husband? You agree with him politically?"
Alicia: "Yes. And... Enough."
Maddie: "I can't find five people in the world I agree with politically."
No wonder. Whatever was on the other side of Caitlin, that's what she's looking at now. She stood on that porch all summer long, two women: The one that died when he left, and the one who didn't want him at all. Hesitating. It took her all summer, but she said it last week: What Caitlin taught her was that she didn't need to waste time rebelling against the box Peter put her in, or her mother-in-law, or anybody at all. The mindfulness of being just one woman, right now. Making her decisions.
And now this woman comes to say it's simpler and more complex: That the Tiger is real, but so is the Lady. That beyond rebellion is another kind of insurrection entirely; something Diane Lockhart can't even imagine yet. Rule 243 for the economy between men and women. She's uncomfortable; this woman's open arms, and smile. She backs away.
Alicia: "So... You'll consider our proposal?"
Maddie: "Oh, do you have to head off?"
Alicia: "Yeah, um, I came right from court. Lunch break."
Maddie, scrambling: "Okay, yes. Leave it with me? And if I have questions..."
Alicia: "My number's right there on the cover."
Maddie: "Your cell?"
Alicia: "...Yes."
It was the personal touch, just a courtesy. Now it seems more ... almost something like mercy.
They stand, awkwardly. The real estate agent continues talking to a man. They can't say goodbye, right away. And then they do.
BEACHAM TRIAL
Dr. Ladera defines "excited delirium" as a condition combining psychomotor agitation and aggressive behavior.
Lionel: "Officer Mallen testified that Tyler Beacham just wouldn't stay down..."
Will: Objects.
Lionel: "Excited delirium has been linked to drug use, hasn't it? Stimulants, such as cocaine. Did you do a tox screen as part of the autopsy?"
Dr. Ladera: "No coke."
Lionel: "But some amphetamines are undetectable after as little as five hours, yes?"
Will: "Not in evidence. He's trying to bias the jury."
Sustained, no further questions... And then, another Rule 243.
Q: "Would antidepressants show up on the tox screen you performed?"
Dr. Ladera: "Interesting question. Depends on the type, but generally no. We did a basic ten-point analysis. You'd have to do an expanded screen to find evidence of most antidepressants."
Lionel: "Permission to reexamine? Dr. Ladera, is it safe to say the presence of antidepressants might indicate that depression? And depression could cause some agitated behavior. Even aggressive... Like, what if somebody recently experienced a catastrophic event? Just for example, the breakup of an engagement?"
Will objects, it's beyond the scope, and Temple overrules... Though, he says, he might sustain it on the grounds of foundation regarding antidepressants, waiting for Will to demur on that one. When he does, Temple drags everybody back into chambers.
TEMPLE CHAMBERS
Temple: "You're not objecting on foundational grounds because there is a foundation."
Will: "We complied with discovery requests..."
Lionel: "We requested discovery on all the medical records. No one ever told us about the use of antidepressants..."
L/G: "No, you requested records from the past two years. He saw a psychiatrist briefly three years ago. Yes, he prescribed antidepressants, but we have no recent record of the victim refilling that prescription."
Temple and Lionel agree that this is a matter of form over substance, and doesn't lead toward justice. He commands L/G to turn over everything, and warns them about further withholding. Outside, Will asks Lionel about the $800K, and he just laughs in their faces.
SAVARESE
Nick tries, pitiably, to shake Alicia when she fires him as a client. She provides him with a list of other firms, and he reminds her he's ready to incorporate, but she's not having it. She swears it's not him, it's them, and even sociopathic criminal sex-choker Nick can't seem to get a read, such is the pokerfaced power of Alicia Florrick. Finally he gives up, pours himself a glass of Perrier, attempts to drink it in a terrifying manner, pours another -- this one sloshing down his chin a bit, which is a little more terrifying, for what it's worth -- and then stomps out into the firm, pushing over flowerpots and kicking baseboards as he goes.
The last thing Nick sees as the elevator doors close is a coquettish Kalinda, watching him through the glass, grinning as though she'd never been scared in her life; as though the bird she's flipping him weren't merely implied. But once he's gone, the smile falls again.
BEACHAM JURY INVESTIGATION
Cary: "The Rule 243s were written on yellow legal pad, which these seven are using."
Kalinda: "The ring question suggests a woman."
Will: "Or someone who knew the Fiancée..."
Kalinda: "She doesn't recognize any of them."
Cary: "Nothing in their backgrounds suggests a connection."
Will: "And the antidepressants?"
Cary: "Somebody had a brother-in-law who is a paramedic..."
Kalinda: "But #5, on her voir dire form she wrote '3' under number of children, then crossed it out and wrote '2'."
Will: "That is some Hemingway shit right there. Steinbeckian. Ouch."
Kalinda: "No kidding. So yeah. I'm thinking dead kid, depression, antidepressants."
Will: "How sad for her. But I guess we can't excuse her just for losing a kid. I can at least play on her sympathies, though. This is good info. Harsh, good info."
LOCKHART
Diane: "Alicia, a word? How did it go with Maddie?"
Alicia: "Good? She wouldn't talk to me about the lease, really."
Diane: "She's weird! She's a weirdo, she hates women. Well, but she was open to the proposal?"
Alicia: "I guess. I gave her my number..."
Diane: "I bet she's going to call you, too. On your phone. Goddammit. You're going to be drinking Cosmopolitans in hotel bars by the end of the week, I can fee... No, no Diane. Keep it together. This is for the firm. Alicia, I want you to call her first."
Alicia: "And say what?"
Lockhart: "Whatever. Like you ever talk, I don't know. Something to make her do whatever you want, like everybody else on this show."
Word on the street is, Nathan Lane let the entirety of Mergers & Acquisitions go just now. Everybody except Allison Saybach, the one Alicia thinks so highly of. The only one she personally knows.
FLORRICK BUS
Eli pulls Peter out of an interview -- about campaign finance laws, not to put too fine a point on it -- to come meet an interested contributor. A very interested one.
Eli: "Miss Hayward, meet Peter Florrick."
Peter: "Miss Hayward. It's so nice to meet you."
She doesn't mind it when you call her "Miss Hayward." She's got her eye on the door.
Peter: "I only know you from reading Forbes, but I've always been a fan."
Maddie: "I think I'm becoming a fan of yours as well..."
Peter: "Ugh, has Eli been on your jock? He's the worst."
Maddie: "No, it's your wife."
Peter: "Alicia? How do you know her? Is this some kind of a Good Old Girls thing?"
Maddie: "Doesn't exist. No, we met yesterday. But it got me thinking about contributing to your campaign."
Peter: "Don't you solely contribute to female candidates?"
Maddie: "Uh, don't parse that thought too closely. That's kind of what I'm doing, in a way."
Maddie: "I like your wife. You're separated?"
Eli: "Noooo."
Peter: "Yes."
Maddie: "But she's supporting you as a candidate."
Eli: "They're trying to work things out!"
Maddie: "Like, you're not sleeping with prostitutes?"
Peter: "Ha! Good one."
Maddie: "If I do support you, do I have to worry about that? Another prostitute? Another mistress? A furtive kiss on the campaign bus..."
Peter: "-- No."
Maddie: "And why's that?"
Peter: "I just said so."
Eli: "Peter's changed!"
Maddie: "I don't believe people can change."
Peter: "I didn't either. And then, of course, I went to prison."
It's the right answer. It's the best answer. But is it true? Maybe she's not here to help ask the questions and push their marriage resolution forward at all. Maybe she... Wendy Scott-Carr, we always said, was weaponized Alicia Florrick. Maybe Miss Hayward is just weaponized Diane.
BEACHAM TRIAL
Dr. Zarovich: "I saw Mr. Beacham for a short time about three years ago. He came to me suffering from nervousness and related insomnia."
Lionel: "But not depression, or like a family tragedy or anything."
Dr. Zarovich: "He'd been laid off so he was antsy, but no. Not clinically depressed. I prescribed an SSRI strictly for anxiety and sleep regulation."
Lionel: "And it was called Elvatyl?"
(The ratfucking drug! It is back! That shit was like the key to all of Season Two! I love this show!)
Dr. Zarovich: "At the time, Elvatyl seemed to have the best response rate for insomnia and related anxiety."
Lionel: "Wait, so you're no longer prescribing it?"
Dr. Zarovich: "Other drugs have proven more effective."
Lionel: "And what about Elvatyl's known side effects?"
Dr. Zarovich: "The science on that is unclear..."
Lionel: "Really? Because Mr. Gardner here won a lawsuit on just those..."
(Objection.)
Lionel: "Am I wrong? Didn't you win that pharma case by attacking Elvatyl's suicidal side effects?"
(Objection. Also, though, really they won because Blake Calamar practically killed the opposition's creepster expert witness and tried to pin it on Kalinda, if I remember correctly.)
Lionel: "Mr. Beacham taking a drug that could alter his brain chemistry is perfectly relevant. In fact, there was a study on Elvatyl's side effects at, uh, let me see... Harvard Medical School..."
And thus overruled, obviously. Lionel produces the study for him to drool over, and while he's Golluming out about the real live Harvard Medical School Study, takes his chance and jumps out into the abyss: Basically, if that drug intensifies some depression to levels of suicidal ideation, then maybe Tyler Beacham committed suicide by cop. Even the judge is grossed out by that, once it registers; the jurors flood the bailiff with a million new Rule 243 questions.
SHARMAPARTMENT
Nick's sitting in the chair, facing the door with a gun, when Kalinda comes home. She sighs, walks right past him to the bathroom, and shuts the door. Once again petulant and boyish, he lurks outside the bathroom for a while before punching her vanity mirror, so that when she opens the door, eyes rolling, he's bleeding all over the place. It's quite a performance. She immediately pushes him onto the bed and starts tending his wounds.
Kalinda: "You're so stupid."
Nick: "Why do you hurt me?"
Kalinda: "Shut up."
Nick: "I love you. I always will."
He caresses the back of her neck just long enough to be threatening, and she tells him to lie back. Thankfully, it's not for a blowjob. It's so she can climb the length of his body like a cat, and look down at him, and figure him out. Take a moment to just feel the fragile body of the monster underneath her, and look into his eyes, and wonder. She's so good at lying, she knows how even the smartest people can be fooled, when they want to. Maybe the most, then. And she is very, very smart.
Nick: "Where have you been, baby?"
He doesn't move. He stares up, nearly in tears.
Peter never looked at Kalinda like this, but he sure as hell did Alicia. Still does. They're little boys who don't know how strong their bodies got when they weren't looking. Little boys with no idea how strong, how destructive, they really are. That's all a beast really is. That's the thing Diane's feminism forgot.
Did it make you cry?
THE DIE-IN
Kalinda walks through a sea of bodies: Activists against the City, lying on the sidewalk in protest. Lying down, I'm saying, in the face of a beast that can kill them any time. And Kalinda, picking her way ever so carefully through the bodies, in those boots.
Cutie: "I didn't know Tyler that well, the Fiancée was the one that was really involved. But Tyler's the last guy you'd think would get into it with a cop."
Kalinda: "The defense says he behaved erratically that day, provoking the cop..."
Kid: "He was always pretty calm, I couldn't believe he got stickered."
Kalinda: "What?"
Kid, showing her: "These undercover cops were going around, sticking big pink dots on your back if they thought you were a troublemaker. They called it 'extraction,' they'd come back later and pull out all the black-bloc anarchists. It was real stupid."
Kalinda: "You got this one that day?"
Kid: "I wish! I bought it, later. But I remember seeing his on his backpack."
In the video, Kalinda sees, they were both wrong. Tyler never got stickered at all. It was just a smiley face. An old-school lapel button, pinned to his backpack. Proclaiming his love of peace, and happiness. He was going to be married.
L/G
Eli: "Alicia! Way to go getting Maddie Hayward to contribute!"
Alicia: "What?"
Eli: "I owe you!"
Alicia: "...Okay! Not gonna dispute that."
Hayden: "Mrs. Florrick. What do you think about these three people in Family Law?"
Alicia: "I like all of them."
Hayden: "That's not so genuine."
Alicia, fucking it up: "I just feel uncomfortable in this position."
Hayden: "Uh huh. And what position would that be?"
Alicia: "Arbiter. Of people's fates."
Hayden: "Get over yourself, Mrs. Florrick. You're not arbitrating shit."
Alicia: "My bad! Sorry, it's been a weird..."
Hayden: "Ugh. I have to go. Sorry to fuckin' waste your time."
Alicia: "Mr. Hayden? I like them all. Those three people you mentioned? I like them. All."
Hayden: "Great, whatever."
Alicia: "How is it, precisely, that I keep fucking everything up?"
Jacob: "I don't even know what that was about, sister. Everybody's being weird today."
COURTHOUSE
Maddie: "Alicia! I am not stalking you! I am here to meet a probate judge, Kate Conrol, I'm backing her for the state Appellate Court, and I thought while I was here I should stalk you. I mean, not stalk you, but like... Hi? So yeah. What's up?"
Alicia: "That's really cool that you're backing my husband. More, I cannot say."
Maddie: "Listen, I feel weird so I'm just going to -- blah! -- I'm just gonna shake out the sillies and say it. Do you want to have a drink with me?"
Alicia: "I am flattered? But I am also married, so."
Maddie: "HAHA! Oh my God, you thought I was hitting on you! Oh my God that's so awkward oh my God. No, I mean. No. That's not..."
Alicia: "I am having the most fucked-up day. I'm sorry if that was weird. Everything is weird."
Maddie: "Look. I don't have many friends, Alicia. There, I said it. Uh, sometimes it's hard, um, to know if someone wants to be your friend or if they want something from you..."
Alicia: "I heard that shit. I feel like I'm looking at it, actually. As we speak."
Maddie: "Anyway so like, um, I'm going to say it again. Would you like to have a drink sometime??"
Alicia: "I can't remember the last time I just went for a drink with somebody. Actually that is a lie, it was 7:58 p.m. on May 10, 2011. Anyway, I'd be delighted. How's that?"
Maddie: "Look at us! Talking like normal human beings!"
Alicia: "Kind of!"
BEACHAM TRIAL
This season, two episodes in, the cops are being real shits. Which is interesting, since it seems like one lobby that is firmly against Peter -- and there's the whole City/County thing to worry about this week, too. Hmm. Perhaps in time she will piss off every cop in the entire state of Illinois, and when Peter is elected they will riot, forcing the government to enact martial law and start the Hunger Games.
Anyway, Kalinda already figured it out, so the end of the case doesn't last long: The cop saw the smiley face, thought it was a Danger sticker, brought unnecessary force to bear on the kid -- thought he was aggressing, when really he was just a boy who didn't know his strength -- and eventually figured out his mistake, so he stole the button which is why it wasn't on the backpack in evidence. The cop lies and lies about it, but eventually comes clean. There's nothing Lionel can do, really. It's a clean win.
TRUSTEE
Hayden: "Mrs. Florrick, I see you dropped a client?"
Alicia: "Yeah, he was corrupt as all hell. We've already got one Lemond Bishop, you know what I mean? Who needs the stress, I tell ya."
Hayden: "You're going to be inviting him back into the firm."
Alicia: "Inadvisable, Mr. Hayden..."
Hayden: "It's my one power as a trustee, as Diane keeps reminding me. So you bring him back in. And if that results in your untimely death... My intention is, after all, to punish you for questioning me earlier. So I won't be upset."
THE HITS KEEP COMING
Diane: "So Maddie Hayward's not renegotiating our lease. She has other tenants expanding and she's worried about the precedent."
Alicia: "That sucks. Sorry."
Diane: "But yet, she's contributing to your husband's campaign."
Alicia: "Crazy, right?"
Diane: "I have been acting cool about this all episode, Florrick, but I swear to God..."
Alicia: "We literally did not discuss my husband, like, at all. I don't know what happened."
Diane: "Well, we're losing the 27th floor now. I hope you're goddamn happy."
On the other hand, after some cool-handed Alicia-type pokerface action, Will gets Lionel to raise his new offer of $2.5M to a full $3.5. There should be a little cash-register sound at the end of each episode, like on other CBS shows. Cha-ching! $6.5M!
FLORRICK BUS
Eli's waxing wild about how well Peter's speech tonight went, and how the money is coming in even before Maddie's official endorsement. They giggle and laugh, first at him and then each other.
Peter: "I mean, thanks. We didn't even know Maddie was in play."
Alicia: "I honestly don't even know what I did."
Peter: "I guess it doesn't matter."
Alicia: "We might be dating? It got complicated for a minute."
Peter: "I can honestly say I don't have a problem with that."
Alicia: "Where are we even going on this bus?"
Eli: "HOME! Or else we could do one more meet-and-greet if you're into it..."
They crack up, closer than they've been in years. She stays in her seat, though, and he stays in his. There's a cover of "Midnight Train To Georgia" playing, soft and then loud. Outside the city you could almost see stars.
Eli: "What are you two laughing at?"
Peter, lovingly: "You, Eli. We're laughing at you."
Eli: "That's right, King Lear's fool, that's me."
They stop laughing. They have a conversation, very long and very short, without opening their mouths. He asks, and she smiles. He wonders, and she pretends. He offers, and she accepts. Maybe not tonight, but soon. He sits back, against the banquette. She could throw her arms out, wide, tonight. She could have it all. She could take it.
WEEK
Everything comes crushing down when Miriam Shor reveals concrete evidence of that first night with Will. Other things happen too, probably, but holy balls.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife and Homeland for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, his novel The Urges, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared this month on Tor.com.