"You Smell Like Craigslist."

S03E08

With Rachel still under suspension for pulling a Putin during last week's student council elections, and in light of the still-stinging defections of Mercedes, Santana, and Brit-Brit to the warm embrace of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir, the children of New Directions face Sectionals well short of the full complement of choristers required for competition. A couple of the dangerously shaggy-haired boys from The Ever-Mute McKinley High Jazz Ensemble get corralled to fill out the group's thin ranks -- which is fine because, hey, they're always in that goddamned music room, anyway -- but Frankenteen's certain only one person can propel the Glee Club past The Troubletones to secure a victory: Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen. Because he's been following Trouty Mouth on Facebook, Finn knows the kid's now living in the Kentucky-side suburbs of Cincinnati, so he and Rachel embark upon a road trip to convince Lady Lips to return to Lima. And even though Lady Lips is currently making bank performing as "White Chocolate" in Newport's finest ladies-only supper club, Stallionz, he of course quickly gains permission from his father, Bo Duke, to transfer back to McKinley in time for the big performance. No, really -- they actually got Bo Duke to play Trouty Mouth's dad.

Naturally, Lady Lips is welcomed with open arms and top-full Solo cups by everyone in Lima, with the notable exception of St. Gay's boyfriend, the latter of whom firmly believes Frankenteen dragged Lady Lips back into the fold only to further marginalize the former prep-school star. So, Dreamboat Blaine and Frankenteen have it out during the course of a too-brief screamy verbal slapfight in the locker room -- and seriously, I really wanted Blaine to tear Finn a new one à la my lesbian TV girlfriend Santana Lopez during that argument -- but they end up agreeing to be best buddies, or something, for the sake of the team.

In other news, Quinn threatens to tell Figgins about Idina and Puck, but Rachel talks her out of it, so Quinn decides to apply to Yale instead, Single-T Tina brokers a reconciliation between Gaylord Weiner and High Expectations Asian Father regarding Gaylord's whole "God, I'm a dancer! And a dancer dances!" thing, and Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual's designs on Dreamboat Blaine bring out a feisty, feral, and fabulously fun side of Kurt that I thought we'd never see again.

Oh, and New Directions wins Sectionals. I'm sure you're as shocked as I am by this entirely unexpected development.

Featuring Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup," as performed by Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and various of the Glee Clubbers; "Buenos Aires" from Evita, as performed by The Unitards of Defiance, Ohio, who came in third during this evening's competition; a somewhat uncomfortable blend of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" and "Survivor" by Destiny's Child, as performed by the lesbionically tangoing gals of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir, with Mercedes and Santana sharing lead; The Jackson 5's "ABC," here offered as New Directions' first Sectionals performance, with solos by Single-T Tina, Quinn, Gaylord, and St. Gay Of Lima; Janet Jackson's "Control," here offered as New Directions' second Sectionals performance, with solos from Quinn, Dreamboat Blaine, and Artie; famous dead alleged child molester Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror," here offered as New Directions' third Sectionals performance, with solos from Artie, Frankenteen, Puck, Dreamboat Blaine, and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen; and "We Are Young" by Fun and Janelle Monáe, as performed by, like, everyone and their mom.

The camera fades up in the middle of one of McKinley High's hallways and waits there until Quinn decides to sidle into the frame from points elsewhere, whereupon she tosses a side-eye full of intrigue and wickedness in the general direction of the lockers. The shot expands so we can see she's carefully observing Rachel and, after a moment, Quinn strides over to Rachel's side with a too-bright, "I thought you weren't allowed here!" As you'll recall, Rachel got her damn fool self suspended last week after futilely attempting to pull a Putin with the boring student council election that nobody will ever care about again, so her presence in the hallway does seem a bit odd until she speed-babbles her way through an explanation that involves picking up her homework, or whatever. But that's not really important at this early juncture, and neither is her subsequent and somewhat high-handed offer of vocal coaching in advance of this evening's Sectionals performances, for the devious Quinn's chosen this very moment to inform Rachel of her plan to get Idina Menzel fired. "She's sleeping with Puck!" Quinn reveals in an exaggerated whisper, like she's telling us something we don't already know, as if anyone could possibly have forgotten about that particularly gruesome plot development over the last seven days.

Quite naturally, Rachel is shocked and appalled, though not because she just found out her birth mother is banging her ex-boyfriend. No, our dear little star-in-the-making is actually worried that Idina will lose both her current job and her general reputation as an effective educator should Quinn spread news of her tawdry affair throughout the school -- which, you know: Fair worry -- which in turn will result in a sudden and dramatic drop in Dismal Drizzle's standard of living -- which, you know: To hell with that goddamned kid. This argument of Rachel's, however, is utterly lost on Quinn, who's still laboring under the delusion that Child Services will grant her custody of the strangely affectless brat in question should Idina get carted off to Mommy Jail. Rachel correctly insists that Idina is Dismal Drizzle's real mother now, and follows that assertion up with the following: "You've done a lot of really bad things, Quinn, but if you tell people about this, you'll be ruining that little girl's life, and then you'll have really hit rock-bottom!" I'd remark that Quinn won't actually hit rock-bottom until she's a meth-addled hooker working the mid-morning shift at one of Greater Lima's finer truck stops, but it's time for the title card, so I think I'll keep that observation to myself.

Music Room. Frankenteen and Mr. Schue are of course nattering away at each other about this evening's impending Sectionals performances, and it might be of interest to some to know that Sectionals will be held in the McKinley High auditorium for the first time since 1963. Also of course: New Directions has yet to select a song list, even though the competition is happening, like, tomorrow night. Frankenteen opines that they should concentrate on their "performer problem" first, and as I believe the kiddies are still several warm bodies short of the even dozen required by the competition playbook, I must admit that Finn has a point, here. "We need star power!" Finn tells Mr. Schue. "We need Sam Evans!" Wait a minute -- who? Oh, yeah, that's right: Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen. I was under the impression that Chime Overavenue's large-lipped shadow would never again darken the soundstages of this show because of some massive, hissy, Twittered bitchfight he had with Ryan Murphy last summer, but apparently, the two of them kissed and made up at some point over the last four or five months, and he's back. Although not without complications, naturally, lest the first fifteen minutes of tonight's presentation run without a plot. Long story short, Mr. Schue reminds Frankenteen that Lady Lips and his family blew town during the last hiatus, and claims that no one knows where he is. Frankenteen reminds Mr. Schue that "even homeless people have Facebook," and reveals that Clan Von Bieberhausen has settled in the rugged wilds of the Kentucky-side suburbs of Cincinnati. Since that's only about four hours away from Lima, Finn's gonna motor on down there and see what he can do to draw Lady Lips back into the fold. And with that, Frankenteen lurches on out of there to get going, leaving Mr. Schue alone to look incredibly puzzled by this peculiar development. Or maybe that's just Matthew Morrison wondering what the hell happened to his career.

The Lima Bean. St. Gay Of Lima and Dreamboat Blaine sit at one of the tables so the supremely annoying St. Gay might morosely complete an application for employment, because he's convinced his loss in last week's elections means he'd better "get used to a life of barista work and summer stock." And as my lovely and talented co-recapper LTG already pointed out the many, many ways in which St. Gay is full of shit regarding his stellar extracurricular résumé, let's ignore him completely and focus on Dreamboat Blaine instead. "New Directions is a mess!" Dreamboat Blaine eye-rolls. "We're gonna lose," he exasperates, "and I can't do a thing about it -- every time I open my mouth, Finn gives me these looks, like, 'What does he think he's doing?' I know what I'm doing!" And with Dreamboat Blaine's issue for the evening thus so efficiently established, it's time to welcome Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual back to the Glee screen. "Hey, guys!" he opens as he ambles over to their table all teeth and quiff and dimples and whatnot. He invites himself to a seat and proceeds to gush over Dreamboat Blaine's scorching hotness for a bit until he all-too-casually remembers to toss St. Gay's presence a rather limp acknowledgement. Dreamboat Blaine helpfully exposits that The Dalton Academy Swallows won their round of Sectionals earlier in the week, then bolts to fetch himself another cup of coffee, thereby allowing for the following bit of delightful banter between St. Gay and his rapacious rival for Dreamboat Blaine's affections:

St. Gay: I don't like you.
Sebastian: Fun! I don't like you, either.
St. Gay: I don't like the way you talk to my boyfriend, I don't like your smirky little meerkat face, I don't like your obnoxious CW hair -- I'm on to you.
Sebastian: Let's get a few things straight: Blaine's too good for you, New Directions is a joke, and one of us? Has a hard-luck case of the gay face, and it ain't me. Odds are, by the end of the school year, I'll have Blaine and a Nationals trophy, and you'll have khakis and a Lima Bean apron and that gay face.
St. Gay: You smell like Craigslist.

I must admit: Several valid points made by both combatants. And the best part is that their tight, false, and incredibly bitchy smiles never left their faces during the entire exchange. I didn't give much thought to Sebastian back when he was introduced, but if The Predatory Homosexual brings back the sassy and fabulous version of St. Gay we knew and loved before his obnoxious martyrdom midway through last season, then I'm all for him as an addition to the cast.

In any event, Clueless Blaine wanders back over to wonder what the two had been talking about, and Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual glibly lies, "Duh! The time we're going out drinking, killer!" Clueless Blaine makes a couple of appropriate "D'OH!" faces in response to that, and Sebastian wraps things up with, "Well, I gotta run, but you take care of that Warbler, Kurt!" Sebastian winks, grins, and vanishes off screen, leaving St. Gay with little to do but secretly wish for Sebastian's violent demise.

Meanwhile, Frankenteen and Rachel have already arrived in the rugged wilds of the Kentucky-side suburbs of Cincinnati, and we join them just as they step into the darkened confines of Newport's finest ladies-only supper club, Stallionz. The two make it clear that they think they've arrived in a dinner theater of some sort, and are thus horrified when the club's announcer welcomes a trio of male strippers to the stage, the last of whom is Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, here performing as "White Chocolate." The three gentleman on the club's small stage proceed to rip off their tearaway costumes, leading a stunned Finn to groan, "That's not an image I can ever get out of my mind!" Rachel, however, thinks fast, asks Frankenteen for a buck, and pushes her way to the stage to offer the dollar tip up to Lady Lips, her eyes demurely averted from his gyrating package the entire time. "Rachel?" Lady Lips gasps, and with that, we smash to...

By Demian

...the club's tiny dressing room, where we find Lady Lips explaining his current situation. Long story short, though his father found steady construction work in the area, Lady Lips still needed to get himself a job to help out with the household's expenses. While the local Dairy Queen did offer him a bonus of two free Blizzards a day, it only paid just above minimum wage, and as he's clearing upwards of $240 an hour stripping at Stallionz, his choice was pretty obvious. What's that? He's only sixteen, you say? It's Kentucky. Any other objections? You're wondering what his parents think? Well, Lady Lips has an answer for that: "They just think that DQ pays really well." Explanations over, Frankenteen gets to the point of their visit, and invites Lady Lips back to New Directions. "I want to," Lady Lips admits, "but my dad will never let me." "Don't know 'til you ask," Finn shrugs.

Everybody else has a grand old time, however, especially after Mr. Schue and Frankenteen break out a festive bottle of nonalcoholic Champagne, which they distribute to the gathered children in -- wait for it -- red Solo cups, and when it's all over, the fabulous Santana Lopez sashays in from the hall to greet her ex-boyfriend like so: "I just heard the news that Trouty Mouth is back in town! I've been keeping a notebook, just in case this day ever came." Here she opens said notebook to read, "Welcome back, Lisa Rinna! I've missed you so much since your family packed their bags, loaded them in your mouth, and skipped town. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to enjoy a crisp pickle, but couldn't find anyone to suck the lid off the jar. I assume you've been working as a baby polisher, where young mothers place their infants' heads in your mouth to get back that newborn shine. So glad you're back -- I haven't seen a smile that big since a claymation Abominable Snowman got his teeth pulled by that little gay elf dentist. Love, Santana." "I missed you, too," Lady Lips grins, crossing to give her a hug. Awwwwww.

Later, Quinn and Idina Menzel ominously stare each other down in the hall until Quinn bounces over to Lady Lips to suggest they start dating, because he'd make such a good father for Dismal Drizzle. No, seriously, that's her argument. I don't know what Dianna Agron did to piss off Ryan Murphy so much, but it's clear he despises her. Lady Lips lets her down the best way he knows how -- through the judicious use of quotes from John Cougar Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane," of course -- and exits into this evening's first commercial break.

Hall. Single-T Tina and Gaylord Weiner stroll arm-in-arm through their thronging peers, with Tina happily nattering away about Gaylord's applications to Alvin Ailey and NYU -- both actual, honest-to-God performing arts colleges, I should note -- until Gaylord shuts her down, because he's going to Stanford to study pre-med, because his High Expectations Asian Father said so, so nyaaaaaah, and I have a shameful confession to make: I don't give a shit about this subplot, either. Haven't all season, in fact -- I just happened to miss all of the episodes in which it factored up to this point. So, after Tina tries to persuade Gaylord to pursue his dreams, or whatever, and after Gaylord shoots her down in the nastiest manner imaginable, we hop forward in time to...

By Demian

Single-T Tina sneaks into High Expectations Asian Father's office to present him with a "bootleg copy" of Gaylord's performance in West Side Story, and when High Expectations Asian Father shoots her down in the quietest manner imaginable, she responds like so: "You know, you're always talking about honor, [Mr. Weiner]. Help your son honor his gift." Snore.

Wait -- it's time for Sectionals already? But we're not even halfway through the hour yet! I'm so confused. Then again, I haven't covered a competition episode in two years, so it probably makes sense that I've completely forgotten how they tend to be structured. In any event, we join New Directions in the music room, where Frankenteen and Dreamboat Blaine offer the ever-mute boys from The McKinley High Jazz Ensemble some last-minute pointers while Gaylord and Tina have a fierce little argument regarding her recent incursion into Mr. Weiner's office until Idina Menzel arrives with the gals from her nurturing lady-choir to offer them all a few friendly words of encouragement. Things quickly go sour, however, when Santana and Idina jointly announce that, "in the event of a New Directions loss," The Troubletones will be more than happy to accept the Glee Club's members for Regionals. Which sounds like a perfectly gracious, kind, and thoughtful offer to me, but apparently I'm wrong, because all of the opposing children -- plus Mr. Schue, natch -- practically explode with anger. "That is incredibly rude!" Frankenteen pouts. "We're being nice!" Santana quite rightly insists before pointing out, "It would be rude if I followed you around and every time you took a step, I played a note on a tuba." Mr. Schue and Quinn frost the gals of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir with a few more choice words I'll not be bothering to transcribe, and then it's off to...

...The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, where the curtain opens to reveal an uncharacteristically packed house, in the middle of which stands an anxious-looking Rachel. "Sad?" Finn asks her after he's appeared at her side. "Devastated," she assures him, and she looks it, so I'll take her word for it. He takes her hand and leads her off to one side as the never-seen emcee introduces us all to this evening's panel of judges, the latter of which consists of two dour-looking middle-aged brunettes and "Western Ohio's Birthday Clown Of The Year," "Tickles." Tickles receives an especially enthusiastic ovation from the crowd, after which the emcee announces "The Unitards" "all the way from Defiance, Ohio."

By Demian

Hall. Lady Lips sneaks up beside Mercedes to hold her hand, and there follows a cute little scene between the two that exists solely to remind us of the fact that they were supposed to be dating before one of them got fired last summer. Given the surreptitious smile that breaks out on Mercedes's face as she cutely exits into this evening's commercial break, I'm pretty sure they'll be dating again soon, which should please LTG to no end.

Idina Menzel's office-slash-rehearsal space. Idina finishes up a call with her babysitter just in time to get both barrels from an icy Psycho Quinn like so: "Puck told me about you two. I'm gonna tell Figgins and get you fired." Idina doesn't even flinch at that -- it's as if she's been expecting this for a very long time -- and instead quietly announces, "I'm ending it." "Not that there's that much 'it' to end," she adds, with an obvious regret. Psycho Quinn begins lighting into her for ruining everybody's lives, or something, but Idina just patiently sits at her piano, and when Psycho Quinn's little tirade has run its course, she smiles and observes, "You're so young, and pretty." "Don't talk down to me!" Quinn seethes. "It goes away, you know," Idina calmly continues, ignoring her. "Not the pretty -- you'll always be pretty -- but the young?" "It happens really slow," Idina notes, "and you don't even notice it, and then one day, everything just feels different." "I can't wait to feel different!" Quinn snarls. "Don't wish away your life," Idina sighs. "You're exactly where you're supposed to be." "I think I thought," she goes on to confide, "that being with an eighteen-year-old would make me feel eighteen again, but mostly, it just made me feel even older." She offers Quinn a rueful, apologetic smile at that, then rises to announce, "I'm going to enjoy my last few hours of being a teacher." "I recommend," she adds, as she crosses to the door, "that you enjoy being up on that stage." "I am sorry, Quinn," Idina concludes before disappearing into the hall, and Psycho Quinn stares into the middle distance, all furious and bitter and wrecked, but we don't have time to deal with any of that because the emcee's just announced The Troubletones. The opening piano riff of Gloria Gaynor's deathless "I Will Survive" hits the soundtrack, and the camera snaps back to...

...the auditorium, where it displays the twelve gals of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir arranged in a straight line across the middle riser, their identical silver lamé animal-print dresses shimmering stilly beneath the stage lights until Santana Lopez offers us all the song's opening line. Mercedes joins her as the song kicks into high disco gear on the lyric, and when the mash-up proper commences with their compatriots lashing into the chorus from "Survivor" by Destiny's Child, the audience goes bananas. To be honest with you, though, the Adele performance was way better, so I don't know why all those people are yelling. As I learned from the lovely and talented and extremely helpful gang on the forum boards, the choreography is meant to emulate waacking -- well, when the gals aren't lesbionically tangoing with each other, that is -- but the ladies lack precision, and certain gestures that ought to be fiercely synchronous instead end up looking like they're just flapping their arms around randomly in the air. Not to say that the performance isn't enjoyable, because it totally, totally is, but as I indicated above with The Unitards, it seems like they're pulling their punches with The Troubletones during this sequence in order to make New Directions look like the clear winner by the end of this evening's competition.

By Demian

And when it's over, the audience leaps to its feet as one to applaud. Amid the raucous cheering, Quinn silently sneaks out of the auditorium, followed closely by Rachel. "Where are you going?" Rachel calls out once she's caught up out in the hall. Quinn apparently intends to inform The Maharishi of Idina Menzel's transgressions right this very moment, though why she expects The Maharishi to be occupying his lair well after school hours, I'll never know. Rachel pleads with Quinn not to "wreck all the hard work" their friends have put into their impending performance, and instead suggests Quinn speak with Idina regarding her intentions first. "It's the adult thing to do," Rachel claims, and no, Rachel, the adult thing would be to leave Idina Menzel and Puck to their private business, but I guess that argument wouldn't fly with Psycho Quinn, anyway. In any event, Rachel offers a few more unimportant words of advice and exits, leaving a simmering Psycho Quinn alone with her thoughts until she vanishes into this evening's commercial break.

The final selection from New Directions this evening is "this piece of crap," originally performed by that dead child molester -- pardon me, that dead alleged child molester -- and, really: I've hated Michael Jackson for close to thirty years, now, so whatever with this song. Lead vocals are split amongst Frankenteen, Artie, Puck, Dreamboat Blaine, and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, each of whom looks very, very pretty standing in his own individual cone of white light mid-stage, and things improve considerably when everybody else joins in to turn it into an actual choral number, rather than a series of five disconnected solos, though I'm pretty sure I'm hearing way more than just two female voices, here. Still, though: Haaaaaaaaaaate.

And when it's all all over, High Expectations Asian Father joins the rest of the audience in offering them all a standing ovation, his face positively beaming with paternal pride. Yeah, like we didn't see that one coming. For his part, Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual lets loose with some very loud Woo!s that I'm certain are directed primarily towards Dreamboat Blaine, and as generalized cheering erupts, the various children on the stage hug each other until it's time for them to disappear into this evening's final commercial break.

Music room, immediately post-performance. The children plus Mr. Schue enter, everyone whooping and hollering, and Frankenteen and Dreamboat Blaine congratulate each other on a job well done. High Expectations Asian Father arrives to call an exuberant Gaylord and Tina out into the hall for a private chat, and to absolutely no one's surprise, he gives Gaylord his blessing to pursue a career in dance. One problem: Gaylord's pretty sure he missed the deadlines for his applications. "No, you didn't," Tina reveals. "I sent in your applications just in case. Kinda had to forge your signature, though." All together, now: Awwwwwwwww. You know, if you care about this subplot.

Moments later, we find that the competing choirs have arranged themselves on the stage for the results and, after Western Ohio's Birthday Clown Of The Year unleashes a joke that falls flat, we learn that The Unitards have managed to capture third place. Harmony's way stoked, and she leaps forward to snatch up her team's trophy. As she makes her way towards the wings, St. Gay Of Lima stops her to offer his congratulations, and she gifts him with the following wild-eyed, monomaniacal response: "Just think! I'm only a sophomore, and I'm already this good! year's gonna be a bloodbath!" Dreamboat Blaine leans over to yank an antically mugging St. Gay back into formation for the final presentation and, after several lengthy moments of high suspense, Western Ohio's Birthday Clown Of The Year awards the second-place trophy to The Troubletones. The children of New Directions leap about in ecstasies of joy -- well, except for Artie, of course -- while the normally fun-loving gals of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir wail and moan and gnash their teeth in disappointment. More or less.

By Demian

And when it's over, the fun-loving gals of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir giggle all the way into this evening's commercial break.

And when we return? Eight -- count 'em, eight -- full minutes of New Directions performing three different numbers provided by various members of La Famille Jackson. I rejoice, because that's eight full minutes of ridiculous plot developments, asinine character moments, and idiotic dialogue I don't have to parse for whatever passes as meaning on this show at this point in its run. First up is the immortal "ABC," first performed of course by the Jackson 5, and it's by far my favorite of the three, mainly because the other two selections suck, but also because it's "ABC," for Christ's sake. How can you not bop along happily to "ABC"? It's impossible. Don't even try. Single-T Tina takes lead on most of the vocals, and she's simply delightful -- it's a shame they haven't featured Jenna Ushkowitz more often over the last two and a half seasons. Select verses are handled by Gaylord, Quinn, and St. Gay Of Lima, all of whom acquit themselves admirably if I do say so myself, and while it becomes clear upon multiple viewings that several of the gentlemen still suh-huuuuuuck with the dancing -- I'm looking at you in particular, Leprechaun -- they're pulling that quick-editing trick to mask certain choreographic insufficiencies that otherwise would be patently obvious, because New Directions must look like the clear winner by the end of this evening's competition. Of note out in the audience are the arrivals of both Sebastian The Predatory Homosexual, still in his Dalton uniform, and High Expectations Asian Father, the unexpected presence of whom threatens momentarily to throw Gaylord off his dancing-fool game, but Gaylord quickly recovers himself, and the children end up delivering what seems to be a flawless performance.

up is Janet Jackson's "Control," with Psycho Quinn handling the song's opening monologue while Artie and Dreamboat Blaine trade off on the vocals once the number gets going. I'm not a fan of the original at all -- "When I Think Of You," "What Have You Done For Me Lately?" and especially "Nasty" ended up being way more my speed off that particular album -- and this version isn't making me like the song any more, though Dreamboat Blaine is undeniably energetic, and Artie is...Artie. Good ol' Artie.

By Demian

The following morning, Rachel emerges from The Maharishi's Lair to exposit for Quinn's benefit that her suspension is officially over. She then wonders if Quinn's there to make good on her promise to inform The Maharishi of Idina Menzel's transgressions, but Quinn reveals she's actually planted herself in The Lair's comfortably appointed antechamber to chat with Rachel. She's decided against ratting out Idina, you see, because she's come to realize such action would not be in Dismal Drizzle's best interests, and for that, she has Rachel to thank. Or so she claims here. I'm pretty sure the frank chat Idina had with her during Sectionals had more to do with this decision than anything Rachel told her over the course of the episode, but whatever. We're almost done, here, and it's way easier at this point just to accept Psycho Quinn at her word. "We're kinda friends, huh?" Rachel smiles. "Kinda," Quinn agrees, offering Rachel a smile of her own before settling into a chair to ask Rachel's opinion of Yale. She's heard it has a killer drama school, so she intends to apply, because why the hell not? Rachel of course thinks this is a wonderful idea, and with that, the two agree to meet up later in the auditorium for New Directions' formal victory celebration, as Quinn has "a couple of people" she needs to talk to. One last thing, though: Would Rachel mind doing a certain unspecified something for Quinn? Rachel nods.

Cut to The Novak, where Mercedes, Brit-Brit, and Santana Lopez are bitching about The Troubletones' loss. Quinn enters for a little "girl talk," and long story short, she basically makes them the same offer they made to New Directions before the competition: Should they want it, there's still a place for them in this evening's victorious choir. Quinn couches it in a lot of chatter about living in the moment and enjoying what little time they have left at school together and blah, but that's basically it. And to sweeten the deal, she's elicited promises from both Mr. Schue and Rachel that The Troubletones will be guaranteed at least one performance slot in each future competition. Mercedes, Brit-Brit, and Santana still seem hesitant, so Quinn smiles, "We're doing a big number in the auditorium to celebrate our victory, and we could use a couple more girl voices. Let me know if you hear about anybody who might want to join." With that, Quinn exits, and as the opening beats of this evening's final number hit the soundtrack, Mercedes for one looks sorely tempted to take Quinn up on her offer.

By Demian

Cut to The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, where Rachel, Finn, Lady Lips, and Quinn lead the children of New Directions in a rousing rendition of fun.'s "We Are Young," which is an okay song, I guess, albeit a terribly generic-sounding contemporary anthem of the sort this show tends to favor when it feels a need to pump up its iTunes sales. Midway through, Mercedes, Brit-Brit, Sugar Motta, and Santana materialize in the wings, and the four refugees from Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir eventually join in, with both Mercedes and Santana getting to share lead vocals with the others already mentioned. And that's about it, really. Gotta say, the end of my last competition episode was a hell of a lot more involving.

up: The Second Annual Glee Holiday-Season Extravaganza. I'm pretty sure it somehow involves the children performing as Golden Age celebrities in a 1960s black-and-white Christmas special, so that's either someone's fevered dream sequence, or the promo they've been airing for it is completely misleading. Tune in to find out what's what week!

Demian is very glad this episode didn't blow, except for that fucking Michael Jackson bit. Stupid Michael Jackson. You may reach him -- Demian, that is, not Stupid Michael Jackson -- at demian_twop@yahoo.com.