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The town meeting is coming to order. Lorelai is a little late. She tells Sookie she found Paul Anka hiding under the sink, chewing a pair of her favorite shoes. "Boy," Sookie says, "that guy's career has really hit the skids." Lorelai rolls her eyes. Sookie laughs and says that's officially her last "Paul Anka, the person, is living in your house" joke. Taylor bangs his gavel and is just getting started when Kirk and Andrew burst in the door in Revolutionary War-era costumes, and begin a skit. Lorelai hopes it isn't audience participation. I hope they use their muskets to shoot Taylor, for whose histrionics I am not in the mood. The two guys claim to be from 1779. Lorelai: "Who's going to tell them those outfits are so 1778?" They introduce themselves as original Stars Hollow residents (despite Gypsy's reminding everyone several times that "it's Kirk and Andrew!"), and say that they have had a hard time finding their way around town, since all the street names have changed. Ah, this whole silly thing is to get people to agree to change the town's street names to historic names associated with Stars Hollow. This, Taylor says, will help improve tourism revenue by increasing the town's charm. Miss Patty takes some offense, saying they have charm. Babette agrees. "You wouldn't believe the bikini waxes Lisa's doing at the beauty parlor," she says. "Any shape you can imagine! So clever. And charming!" ["This reminds me of the last TWoP writers' summit, at the big dinner event of which Evany informed me about this bikini waxing trend, which in San Francisco is apparently known by the name 'Glamourpuss.' Which is awesome." -- Wing Chun] Taylor says they're looking for historical charm, and pushes the street name change. Shockingly, Lorelai is all for the idea. She says she likes "old-timey stuff," and that it's one of Taylor's better ideas: "It's not like the year you guaranteed the tourists a 'mosquito-free' summer, and then released hundreds of bats all over town." Her support encourages everyone else, and it is agreed that the town's streets will be supplied with new old names.
Lane is on the job at the diner, serving Lorelai breakfast as Lorelai reads the paper. Lane asks what's going on in the world, and Lorelai tells her, "Nothing good." Lane says that's why she doesn't bother reading the paper anymore. Lorelai is wearing the most unflattering, granniest-looking, weirdest shirt you can imagine. She tells Lane that she's just going to start her own paper, The Good News Daily: "Nothing but good news, every day." ["It's been done." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai suggests a few potential headlines: "No Civil War in Canada"; "Cars Drive Down Street Without Incident"; "Puppies: How Cute Are They?" Lane says she's in a better mood already.
Luke shows up and asks what Lorelai's doing there, instead of at the Inn. She's waiting for Michel and Sookie to come by so that they can all go together to see what street name the Inn got. She asks if Luke wants to go with them to see what name he got. "I'll wait to read about it in The Good News Daily," he replies. She apologizes for asking, saying she knows it's another dumb Taylor Thing, and that Luke may now lower his blood pressure. Luke says, no, he's not even upset about it: "It's taken me a ridiculous amount of years, but when it comes to all things Taylor, I've adopted a Zen attitude." Lorelai is really surprised. She runs down a list of dumb Taylor things: what if he wants to paint the diner pink for Easter? "Let the building be pink," Luke says. Lorelai wonders what will happen if Taylor tries to make them all dress up as trees again for Arbor Day. "Wrap me in bark, fill me with sap and tell me where to stand," Luke shrugs. She brings out the big guns: what if Taylor wants to Photoshop a picture of himself and Luke together, arm in arm, and put it on a billboard over town? "You're sitting on his lap," she says, ramping up the horror, "holding a baby rattle!" Luke says he will keep his Zen. "I'm gonna miss Nuclear Luke," Lorelai pouts, as Sookie and Michel come in. They announce that they just ran into Esther Wilkins, who found out her street will now be called Constabulary Road, and they are all very excited about what name they might get. Well, Michel's not excited, naturally. He asks Luke if he has coffee. "You mean," Luke asks, "here at my coffee shop? Yeah." Michel: "Give eet." Sookie and Michel start their typical bickering as Luke goes to get the coffee, and Lorelai goes back to her paper, where she is confronted with a half-page picture on the society page of Rory at the DAR event.