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The Dragonfly Inn has a small fire in the kitchen. Someone needs to tell the writers of this show that Fire Isn't Funny. The DAR is having a crisis -- tickets to their upcoming event are not selling. Rory has some ideas to make it work, and they put her in charge. Emily is a little worried, but for naught, since Rory makes it a huge success. Richard has to have a face-to-face with Lorelai about the fire insurance, and it does not go well for him. She's still really mad about his interference with Rory. Paris's parents are financially ruined, so Paris has to get a job. Rory hires her to waitress the DAR USO event, and she embraces it with gusto. Speaking of gusto, Lorelai and Sookie attend the hilarious annual recital at Miss Patty's -- there are kids in sequins and Kirk performs the grossest interpretive dance act ever -- while Luke goes off camping, alone, and pines after Lorelai. Logan's parents show up at the DAR event and Rory freaks out. Richard confronts Logan's dad about his shunning Rory, and they throw down. Richard finds out that everything Rory and Lorelai said about the Huntzbergers was true, and tells Emily, who goes straight for the throat of Logan's mother, vicious as a cat. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Lorelai and Luke walk into the diner after what appears to have been a huge shopping trip. Lorelai is carrying so many bags, she has to crack a "Gunga Din" joke about needing water. Lorelai wants to go through the bags immediately to find Luke's new wallet ("Your old wallet has Velcro; it's disgusting"), and discovers that she picked up another shopper's bag, containing some very large pink underwear and bunny slippers. "I [guess they're hiding] from the real owner," she says about the panties, "because I'd hate to be wrapped around the woman who fit those." Oh, come ON. Did I really just hear that? This show features at least three characters who are considerably overweight, all of whom are friends of Lorelai, and we're supposed to giggle along while she makes a fat joke? Before much else can happen, Sookie calls Lorelai's cell phone with bad news. There's a fire in the kitchen of the Dragonfly, and although everything is all right, it's caused a bit of damage. Lorelai sighs and remembers the fire at the Independence Inn. "Another fire," she says. "Am I a firestarter?" Luke assures her that she isn't, and they head out for the inn. "Go first," she says, "in case things burst into flames behind me as I walk."
At the Dragonfly, the scene is full of drama. Luke and Jackson are checking out the stove while Sookie recounts the horror of the fire to Lorelai and Michel. "I saw my whole life pass before my eyes," she says. "That's how traumatic it was." Michel says that Sookie has been doing this Scarlett O'Hara performance for two hours, and that he's sick of it. Luke and Jackson bicker, trying to figure out what caused the fire. They announce that the ductwork needs to be cleaned and that it's going to take a professional to do it. Luke reminds them that they need to make a claim with the insurance company, and Michel says he's already called and was very rudely informed that the company has no idea who they are. Lorelai says that's impossible, and that she'll call them herself.
The DAR chapter is meeting on Emily's patio. They are all depressed: an event they've been planning to raise money "for our troops" is tanking. Less than half the tables have sold. Nora is distraught. "We'll be the laughingstock of the DAR; we'll lose our national accreditation..." she says, "and this is a very weak drink." Emily tells her it's just punch. "My point, dear," she answers. Why is the British lady my favorite member of the DAR? Another member groans that the money they're trying to raise was to go "for additional armor for the boys at Fort Drum." I guess someone else is raising money for the girls of Fort Drum. Nora says it's so bad, they might as well all march to Mt. Vernon, drop their drawers, "and do something foul on George Washington's grave." Rory wonders why, since there's a week remaining until the event, more can't be done to make it a success. They all condescend to her and say it's unfixable -- that Constance Bedderton has run it into the ground, and that they will probably have to cancel. Emily says that they've already spent their budget on publicity. "But a budget is just an estimation," Rory says. "It's guesswork. Fake numbers. In any business endeavor, sometimes it makes sense to run a deficit in order to achieve a bigger payoff later." I'd bust on her for talking to these grown women like they've never balanced a checkbook in their lives, but since none of them is acting like they have any sense whatsoever, I have to side with Rory this time. Nora does, as well. "We're lunching with Grover Norquist, she says, all excited. Rory goes on to suggest that they use the internet and email to get the word out. She suggests that they add a theme to the event, and maybe some entertainment. They all look at her like she is suggesting something crazy and radical, and not the basic formula for staging any ticketed event, and insist that she take over the planning. Emily is nervous about it, saying it's a mountain of a project. "We're screwing the pooch, Emily," Nora shouts, "and we've got to go balls-out. I for one will not have those priggish twigs from the New York chapters lording this over us." I really, really had a hard time containing my scream when she said "balls-out." That just about slayed me. Emily tells Rory that she shouldn't feel pressured, but after thinking it over, Rory accepts. They are all very excited, but Emily is clearly apprehensive.
A little dinner party is going on at Sookie and Jackson's house. Luke and Lorelai are there enjoying Sookie's cooking as the television blares about three feet from their faces. They can't exchange two sentences without Sookie or Jackson yelling at Davey to turn the volume down. Now, Davey is about two years old, right? Or, is he even that? The kid doesn't understand the word "volume." Or the word "television" or the remote, or how to sit up in a chair by himself for long stretches, or anything like what he is allegedly doing now. Jackson asks if anyone saw "that new show" on TV last night. Lorelai: "The one where they were solving crimes by cutting bodies open and poking their organs?" Jackson says no. From the kitchen, Sookie asks if he means "the one where they're solving crimes from thirty years ago by going to graveyards, and cutting open bodies and poking their organs?" Nope. "Oh!" Lorelai says, "the one where people are missing and then they find their bodies and poke their organs and that's how they solve crimes?" Jackson says no, that isn't it, either. Lorelai: "Well, what else is on?" Ha! Good one, Lorelai. Well, you might want to watch that show about how aliens are invading a nice small town; or maybe the one about how aliens are invading that town on the water; or even the one about aliens, and how they're going to the high school down the street from you. Of course, there are all sorts of other shows on TV, too. The one about the psychic who talks to dead people. The one about the other psychic who talks to people who are...dead. And the one about the two brothers who run around, uh, seeing people who have died.
Lorelai and Sookie go into the kitchen to feed Paul Anka -- he has to eat off his own fork, plastic preferred -- and they realize Jackson has left the barbecue on. Sookie says she can't take another fire, which brings up the subject of the Dragonfly fire and the insurance snafu. Lorelai's going to have to go to her father for help with the policy, since the company is giving her the same runaround Michel received. They don't have time to discuss it any further as hell kind of breaks loose. Martha wakes up and starts crying, Paul Anka barks, and Davey still won't make the necessary motor control advances to turn down the TV volume. During all this madness, Luke is the only one who has no reaction. He continues patiently eating his dinner while Lorelai looks on.
At The Grandparents', Richard is trying to read while Emily frets over the changes Rory has made to the event menu. She gets mad when she realizes he isn't really listening to her. "I'm sorry, Emily," he says, "it takes a second to emerge from Samuel Beckett, he's a strange man." I love Richard when he's written well. Emily is upset that Rory has thrown out the entire menu. She can understand some of it: "I mean, granted, Constance was going with Cornish game hen, been there, done that," she says, "and her fetish for Brussels sprouts is upsetting." Emily is trying not to panic that Rory is making such big changes, but she's worried. She says she's trying to keep out of it. "You're doing a terrific job," Richard deadpans. Emily hits him with the big guns: Rory's not serving salmon puffs! Richard has finally had enough. "Emily, please," he says. "It's Rory. What she tackles, she conquers." While he lists out a stream of Rory's many accomplishments, I have to wonder if he's forgotten that his wonderfully brilliant granddaughter is living in his pool house after quitting Yale because...someone hurt her feelings, and that all it would have taken to set her back on her path was some support in the form of an ass-kicking.
At the Inn, Sookie is trying to rally the troops in the kitchen. "We'll show 'em, guys," she tells her cooking staff. "You don't need fancy stuff on stoves in order to make a delicious meal!" She lists out a variety of raw foods they'll be serving, including beef carpaccio, and tuna carpaccio and...vegetable carpaccio. She finally turns and grabs Lorelai, begging for her stove. "I'm dying, here!"
Richard arrives with the insurance adjustor, and gets the inspection underway. He apologizes for delays with their claim, and says they'll receive a check today for the repairs. Sookie excitedly goes to call Tom to come over and start. Lorelai sees a chance, after an awkward pause, to get her digs in. She asks Richard how his "big plan" is working out for Rory. "Is she back at Yale?" she asks, and when he hems and haws, she goes in for the kill. "Let me guess," she says. "You're going to trick her into going back?" Richard continues to avoid the argument, until she asks if he's seen "that family of Logan's recently. The...Hamburgers?" He corrects her, in frustration. "Right, right," she says. "Are they doing any better after that night they humiliated your granddaughter?" Richard insists that the Huntzbergers did not humiliate Rory -- that they are fine people with nothing against Rory. "Well, then," Lorelai says, "that granddaughter of yours. What a liar." Richard has had enough and rushes the inspector out.
In the pool house, Rory is meeting with her assistant and the event vendors to make arrangements. I hope this is happening, like, hours after that DAR meeting, because the stuff she is asking for would be hard to come by in a few days' time. She wants good, solid dinnerware, and off-white tablecloths. She also wants a color photo of the Hollywood Canteen, but hasn't been able to find one. "The Getty, in California, has one in their collection," Lacey says, "but they're very flaky on the phone." Rory rolls her eyes. "Oh, California," she says. "So over the west coast," says one of the vendors, who looks like Jon Cryer. "A bunch of granola heads," Rory agrees. Ha? I think I get that the writers are trying to make a little joke on themselves, seeing as they live in California but, well, I have a scary story for you, Palladinos. I received an email after the broadcast of this episode from a Getty librarian. They were all so excited with that "sexy librarian" comment Logan made last week, and everything, and now this? They're pissed, and they are watching you. You hear me? THE GETTY LIBRARIANS ARE WATCHING YOU. Sleep with one eye open, and look out for falling Frank Lloyd Wright biographies.
Lacey's phone rings; it's Logan, for Rory. She's forwarded her phone to Lacey's because of the many calls she's getting for the event. "I consider myself lucky to be patched through," Logan cracks. He tells her he got the PA system she wanted at the price she wanted. They are interrupted when Paris arrives. Rory says she looks upset. "That and a bulldozer would knock me over," Logan says. Paris is really upset, apparently. She gets snotty with Lacey and comes in telling Rory she's broke. "My parents flipped the bird at the IRS one too many times," she says. "They've frozen everything. All I've got is my trust fund, which doesn't kick in until I'm twenty-five." She's flipping out, and tells Rory about trying to get money from the bank, which did not go so well: "I used a few choice expletives, and a bunch of guys in suits started closing in on me, so I started pacing and yelling 'ATTICA! ATTICA!'" I love Paris. She goes on to say that she's a pauper, and will soon have to play a hurgy-gurdy on street corners, while selling pencils out of a tin cup. Yale is paid for, she says, but...what will she do, for everything else she needs? Rory says she'll have to do what every other person who needs money has to do: get a job. Paris freaks anew. She's never had a job. All her résumé shows is academic achievements, which will not get her far when vying for that coveted position in the garden department of Wal-Mart. Rory tells her to chill; she can give Paris a job right now: "I know you'll be a hard worker; that's a given." Paris says she definitely will be a hard worker, and by the way, she speaks Chinese and Farsi, if that will help. Rory says it's a job serving food at the event, and Paris is glad to accept. She tells the vendors that she'll work her butt off, and she even knows a touch of ancient Aramaic, if that will help out. "If Christ shows up," Ducky drones. Paris has had a long day, and makes her exit after hitting Rory up for $25.
Luke is cooking dinner for Lorelai and Paul Anka at Lorelai's house. Lorelai wants to know why he didn't use the store-bought sauce she already had. Luke says that stuff is junk. "It's delicious Italian sauce," Lorelai insists. "First off," Luke answers, "no it isn't." Plus, two of the jars she had, he couldn't even get open, and the other two were growing mold. "I make better," he says, "just like mama taught me." Lorelai says she knows he does, and reminds him that Paul Anka has to have his hamburger at rare-plus, not medium rare, because he doesn't like it overcooked. Now, I know I've said before how I love Paul Anka's many alleged quirks, but it just isn't right to show him only eating people-food. Dogs don't live like that, except in junkyards. Plus, isn't it kind of bad for them? Luke sees a flier on the fridge for Miss Patty's annual recital. Lorelai explains that all the kids in all the classes get to perform. "It's be there, or be square," she says. "Best show in town." Luke looks amused. He says that since it's on Thursday, he can get Cesar to close for him. Lorelai looks suspicious and asks why. Luke: "So I can go with you." She shakes her head, laughing, saying he's not going. He'll hate a night of kids singing and dancing, and anyway, he's been sacrificing too much of himself lately, as it is, going to Lorelai's movies and doing Lorelai's shopping. "And that dinner at Sookie and Jackson's," she adds. "How you kept from killing us all, I'll never know." Luke says he hasn't been complaining about any of it, and she says she knows, but that he's got to do his "Luke stuff," too. She says he should go camping or fishing or something while she goes to the recital with Sookie. "It'll be fun with her," she says. Aw. He looks a little crestfallen, but says sure, he'll go camping. She acts all proud like she's being sensitive to his needs, but then has to point out that Paul Anka's burger is officially medium rare. Luke makes him another one. So, what? The message here is "don't be so whipped, whipping boy"?
Dinner is also going on at The Grandparents'. Richard is expounding on the theory of Mortimer Adler that one must read the great books at least three times to comprehend them fully. This is a conversation Rory would normally take interest in, but tonight, she is distracted. Richard asks what she's been reading lately; he keeps forgetting to ask. Instead of answering, she picks up her cell phone to text-message Lacey about some event details. I guess it would be too much for Rory to tell her grandfather that the only thing she's been reading lately are the labels in Logan's underwear. Emily asks whether Lacey has ordered partitions, since the room where the fundraiser will be held is so large. The partitions will help cut the room to make it look smaller. Rory says they won't have any need for partitions, since the event is now sold out. They're having to turn people away, Rory says. The Grandparents are very proud.
Back from commercial (and seriously, how bad does that Family Stone movie look? I am sick of these "insecure person meets their lover's parents" movies), Rory is taking charge at the event site, seeing to last-minute details. She is rattling off directions for various things to Lacey when she turns and realizes the assistant is no longer behind her. "Lacey?" she calls, to bring Lacey running to join her. "Come on honey, keep up." UGH. Shut up, Rory! I was with you until that. God. She continues on, urging the decorators to be careful with a huge picture of Betty Grable, because "Betty's life was tough enough." Sad but true. Poor Betty. Rory and Lacey make their way into the kitchen, where Rory finds Paris, who excitedly reports that she has just clocked in. "They gave me this card," she says, "and it had my name on it, and I shoved it in the clock thing. It made this punchy sound, and I'm officially on the job." She goes on to say that she was nervous about making small talk with her new coworkers, so the night, she went out and rented Working Girl and the first season of Just Shoot Me to prepare. "Got a couple of Wendie Malick bon mots that have already come in handy." Random, but funny. Rory goes to welcome all the servers. She tells them they've all come highly recommended by the catering manager, and Paris interrupts to nod to Rory and to agree that the group looks good. Rory gingerly has to suggest that Paris go and stand with the rest of the servers. "Right!" Paris agrees, "I'm one of them." Rory thanks everyone again and sends them off to get ready. As they leave, Paris tries out one of her rehearsed phrases, turning to a server: "So, working hard, or hardly working?"
Sookie and Lorelai enter the recital hall and are thrilled to find out that Patty has packed the program. Sookie asks what "krumping" is. Lorelai says she thinks it's like hip-hop dancing, only more "herky-jerky." Oh, white people. Do you understand nothing? Krumping is even in the encyclopedia (and nothing in the world will ever make me understand it, but that doesn't mean I don't love the whole concept). Sookie nods. "And what," she asks, "is 'pubic speaking'?" Hee. Lorelai says she hopes it's a misprint. The greatest horror of my life came when I realized I once put something up on my company's website that invited health department employees to take a course in pubic assistance. I's a reel gud editar, sometimes. Miss Patty welcomes everyone, and gets the show rolling with the intermediate class performing the opening number. A kid comes out in a sequined bowler with shiny pants and gloves and sings the cheesiest song imaginable, "Magic To Do," from Pippin, which ought to explain to you its level of painful cheesiness. The rest of the troupe comes dancing out, weaving through the crowd. Lorelai whispers to Sookie that she hates it when they come into the audience, and I have to soundly agree, especially when during one particularly "magical" part of the song, they all blow glitter into the faces of the audience members. It is an awesomely hilarious and brutally accurate portraying of a kids' dance recital. The only thing that could make it more true-to-life is if it lasts four hours.
Lacey is on Rory's heels as they walk around the USO show, making sure things are moving along. She finishes three of Rory's sentences, proving she is way on top of the job. Rory laughs good-naturedly at her competence: "Any incoming choppers, Radar?" Lacey doesn't get it for a second, and you kind of can't blame her, technically, since it was a M*A*S*H reference, which was set during the Korean War, not WW II. Is that too picky to point out? Probably, but the half-assed Andrews Sisters combo is getting to me, a little, especially since two of them are blonde...I'm being too picky.
Paris is making the rounds with her appetizer tray and, after offering a cheese ball to one guest, asks him for a performance review on the transaction. "Come on," she says. "Be my Dave Navarro." When she goes on to give him a lesson on T.S. Eliot's theories of criticism, the guy tells assures her she did fine, and tries to escape: "You offered it to me well, this has been great, and I don't want to talk about it anymore." Hee. The Grandparents arrive and tell Rory she has a hit on her hands. The band rocks into a neutered "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree" and Rory says her only worry is that no one is dancing yet. Emily says they'll all dance after dinner, but Richard thinks they might as well get started now, and leads Emily to the dance floor while Rory looks on smiling.
In the woods, Luke sits alone in front of his campfire. He looks lonely.
Back at the DAR event, Richard is chatting up a lady at their table, telling her his father was a huge Benny Goodman fan, and hated Glenn Miller: "Always claimed it wasn't the enemy who shot down that plane of his, but music lovers." Yes. Before there was a Beatles vs. Stones debate, there was Goodman vs. Miller. Everyone is extremely pleased with how Rory has planned the event. They love the food, love the music, love it all. Ah, but there's a fly in the ointment. Lacey rushes over to tell Rory that Shira Huntzberger, Logan's mom, has shown up without a reservation. Rory says she'll handle it, but is none too pleased. She stomps into the kitchen, where she finds Paris, who is riding high on the sweat of the people. "Karl Marx has really come alive for me today," she tells Rory. "I didn't know what he was yammering about before, and now it just seems so obviously wrong that those who control capital should make their fortunes off the labor of the working class." You go, Norma Rae. Paris notices that Rory has a troubled look, and asks what's wrong. Rory starts ranting about the behavior of Mrs. Huntzberger. Rory hates her: "Sheer, unadulterated, aaargggh!" Paris is impressed. "Wow," she says. "You're always so Desmond TuTu-y. This is refreshing." Rory rants further: "How can she expect a table?" she asks, incredulous. Paris says she bets the Romanovs never RSVPed either. "They got theirs, capitalist scum!" Heeee! I love this scene. Rory says again that she hates Mrs. H. Paris says she hates her too, and that she hates the rich, in general. "A hard rain is gonna fall," she says, and I slide off the couch, because Paris referencing Bob Dylan is my favorite thing that's ever happened on this show. Rory says she has a spare table that they kept open for this reason, and should probably give it to Mrs. H., even though she doesn't deserve it. "This is business," Rory says. "It's not personal." She sucks it up and goes out and makes nice with Mrs. Huntzberger, who is a huge megabitch, just like her darling baby boy. They have some fake chit-chat and I want to throttle Rory for not telling her off, especially when Mrs. H. says that Lacey was a bit rude, but Rory does handle it well, without stabbing anyone in the eye, which would be justified. She shows Mrs. Huntzberger to the extra table and walks away with a hidden snarl.
Emily and Richard are at the bar, where another DAR member is complimenting Rory's management of the fundraiser. Emily is proud, but then freaks when she discovers that Mrs. Huntzberger has been seated at the "slush table." She rushes to Rory to make her fix it, saying that table is the "loser" table, and that they can't have the Huntzbergers sitting there. "There's 'people,'" Emily says, "and then there's the Huntzbergers, This needs to be rectified." Rory says that every other table is taken, but Emily insists that even though it is unfair, they can bump someone and move the Huntzbergers to another table. Rory corrects her. "You keep saying 'The Huntzbergers,' but it's just Shira." Ah, but no. As Emily points out, Mr. Bastard is there, too.
Rory wigs and takes off for the kitchen. Paris is there again, for whatever reason -- is she really working? -- and Rory tells her she's having a panic attack. Paris jumps into action, diagnosing the level of seriousness of the attack. "You need Diazepam," she says, "fifty...no, one hundred milligrams. I'll get my purse." Rory says she doesn't want any of that, and Paris offers her one of several more options she has floating around the bottom of her bag. Rory is losing it, now: "Shira's one thing, but Mitchum? I can't face him, it's too much. After what he did? What he said to me?" Paris is worried. She asks what Mitchum said to Rory. "If it weren't for him," Rory says, "I wouldn't have..." Aha! The truth come out. She stalls, but it's clear: if not for him, she wouldn't have left Yale. Paris goes on another anti-capitalist rant, but Rory stops her, saying she hasn't eaten all day, and maybe that's what's wrong. "Sure, boss," Paris says. "Go eat. Probably somewhere else where you eat, right? A special room..."
Back at Miss Patty's, the ballerinas are doing Swan Lake and Sookie is crying. Miss Patty steps out when it's over to introduce the final act of the night. One of her former students is going to reenact a performance he did on her stage twenty years ago: "Here to present a piece of his own creation entitled 'The Journey of Man,' exactly as her performed it twenty years ago, is Kirk!" Creepy music starts as Kirk comes onto the stage in a mime outfit, and Lorelai whispers to Sookie that it's moments like these that make life worth living. Except...Kirk's "journey" starts with conception and birth, and it's gross. The audience looks on in horror as he makes crazy faces depicting an infant being born. "So," Lorelai says, "it's the birth of Lucille Ball?" I hate to say this, but Sean Gunn should maybe not wear horizontal stripes. I thought he had a basketball under his shirt for about half of this, and kept waiting for him to whip it out.
Looking out the window, Lorelai sees that Luke has arrived back early from his camping trip. She sneaks out and goes over to the diner to ask why: "The woods closed, or something?" Luke says he can't really explain it. "It's, you know, nature. I felt like coming back," he says. "I can't do what I want to do?" Yes, Lorelai says, but camping is what he wanted to do, right? No, he answers, it's what she wanted him to do. She asks when he turned against camping, and he says he didn't, but he doesn't like it that Lorelai banished him to the woods. "I like doing things with you," he says. "I like going shopping with you. I like having dinner with Sookie and Jackson." He says that, yes, the actual shopping seems a little pointless, and that the kids drive him crazy: "But you're there, and I like hanging with you." He says that he could have been fun at the recital, sitting there mocking stuff. "Oh, you're a great mocker," Lorelai confirms. She just wanted to make sure he was doing the things he enjoyed, instead of feeling like he has to do things with her. "I wasn't getting rid of you," she says. "I want you to do whatever you want to do with me!" She says she knows that sounds dirty, "and dirty things count," but she really means that the two of them can hang out any time, wherever. She promises again that se wasn't trying to get rid of him. He shrugs. "I mean, I wasn't dying to see baton twirling," he admits. Lorelai: "I'm happy to be with a man who isn't." She asks if he wants to go back to the recital with her: "Kirk is doing something strange and disturbing." It's tempting, but Luke says he thinks he'll head back to the woods. She smiles, and leaves. Why do they never, ever show each other physical affection? Even a kiss goodbye? It bugs me. These are two very sexy people in the most asexual relationship ever to be seen on screen. We have to watch Rory and Logan kiss all the TIME. Less of that, more of the Luke! ["Yeah. It's really too bad Luke and Lorelai hate each other so much." -- Wing Chun]
Back at the recital, Kirk has reached the "death" portion of his act. "Kirk's dying," Sookie whispers. "Well," Lorelai says, "it's going to happen to all of us one day." She looks at him flopping around on the floor and adds, "Just not so spazzy." When he's done, the whole school comes back out for the closing reprise of "Magic To Do." More glitter is blown around and Sookie can't take it: "It's so stressful!"
At the DAR event, Richard runs into Mitchum in the men's room. They glad-hand it a bit (not like that!), and Richard mentions that Rory planned the whole event. Huntzbastard says that Rory's a sweet kid and that he wishes her nothing but the best. Ew. Richard doesn't pick up the evil vibe and, rich guy to rich guy, asks what really happened with Rory and the internship. Mitchum tries to blow it off (not like that!) and repeats that Rory is a great kid. Richard says she is, and that she's a great journalist. Huntzbutthole casually says, "Maybe." Richard wants to know what he means by "maybe." Huntzbaddie (I can go on all day, people) says he knows what's great and what's not great, and Richard says sure, he knows Rory's not exactly Ben Bradlee yet, but that she could be one day. Hatezberger gives him the brush once again, saying that "anything's possible." Ugh. Richard gets pissed and asks again what exactly happened at the paper. Bitchum says it just didn't work out, and that Rory is better off for what he did. He goes on to say that it was nothing Richard wouldn't have done, had be been confronted with a businessman who was a drain on the company. He says he wasn't going to put Rory into a position to become a drain on his paper. This is so ridiculous for about ten reasons. First, she's twenty years old and clearly decent enough to write for Yale's paper, which is no small shakes, so it's reasonable to assume she'd be okay to intern for a Stanford daily. Also, so what if she's not Ben Bradlee yet, or ever. Not every journalist becomes the editor of The Washington Post. Are we to believe that if she can't achieve a Pulitzer by age twenty-three, she might as well not even bother? Richard wants to know exactly what Mitchbum said to Rory. He says he did what he had to do, and that if Rory has what it takes, she'll bounce back. ["Which is true. The reason Rory hasn't bounced back is that she's a spoiled baby." -- Wing Chun] "No one's ever critiqued you, Richard?" Huntzberger asks. "I find that hard to believe." Oh, if only Grandpa would sock him one. It escalates, and Hotzbooger says it's his fault, anyway. He felt bad about Rory sitting through that stupid family dinner with Shira and Logan's grandfather going on about marriage and how Rory couldn't become a Huntzberger, and he gave her a shot and she wasn't up to it. Richard's really mad. He yells again that Rory was crushed, and Mitchum (fine, I'm all out) says he did what he does.
Richard unclenches his fists with some effort, and stomps out and finds Emily. "It's all true," he tells her. "All of it." Emily wonders what he's talking about. Richard says that everything Lorelai told them about what Mitchum said to Rory and about Logan's family telling her she wasn't good enough was true. Emily still doesn't believe it. Richard says that Mitchum just confirmed it all: "I oughta punch him!" Emily tells him to calm down, but he can't. He says they told Rory she didn't "have it," but he knows she does. "Of course she does," Emily says, and tells him to go outside and get some air.
And then, Kelly Bishop turns it on. She swivels to get a look at the blousy Mrs. Huntzberger, and goes in for the kill. The fake Andrews Sisters are singing "Apple Blossom Time" as Emily goes over to tell Shira she has a table for her right in the center of the room. "Oh, bless you, Emily," she says. "I'm undeserving," meaning exactly the opposite. Emily leads her over to the table and, with saccharine sweetness, drops the bomb. She understands that the family's not exactly thrilled with the match between Rory and Logan, she says. Shira tries to brush it off, but Grandma ain't going out like that. She says, still nice as pie, that she's confused as to the issue. Both families are good, and have good backgrounds. "Money doesn't seem to be an issue," she adds, smiling. "We all have money." Here's the crux. Shira makes it clear: "There's 'your money,'" she says, "and then there's 'our money.'" Emily gives the perfect "Oh?" while Shira stupidly goes on to say that her family has a lot of responsibilities that come along with their money, including an image to maintain. "Ah, yes," Emily says. "Well, let me tell you this, Shira. We are just as good as you are." She says, still with cloying sweetness, that the Gilmores are all aware of Logan's reputation, though he is always welcome in their home, as Rory should be in the Huntzbergers'. Shira again tries to give her the brush, but nothing doing. Emily leans in, saying that now they're going to talk about the Huntzberger money: "You were a two-bit gold-digger, fresh off the bus from Hicksville. And what made Mitchum decide to choose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time, I'll never know, but hats off to you for bagging him." Shira has that uncomfortable Don't Make a Scene smile on during all this while Emily goes on: "He's still a playboy, you know. Well, of course you know. That would explain why your weight goes up and down thirty pounds every other month, but that's your cross to bear." Shira laughs uncomfortably, as Emily lowers the boom: "But, these are ugly realities. No one needs to talk about them." Rory and Logan, she says, are staying together for as long as they like, and the Huntzbergers won't stop them. "Now," she says in closing," enjoy the event." I loved, loved, loved all of this, but I was so hoping that this would be the end of it all. Like, somehow Lorelai would be there and get into it as well, and Logan would walk in and be revealed as the big loser he is, and Rory would fall on the floor crying about what an idiot she's been for the last two seasons, and Emily and Richard would grovel to Lorelai about how wrong they were.
None of that happens. Instead, Richard huffs back into the hall in time to see Rory thanking everyone for being there. His face falls. All his plans to keep Rory on track to realize her dreams were based on falsehoods, and he's supported her in making some pretty dumb choices. Now he knows.