Wearing the same clothes we left her in last episode, Rory is awakened by the sounds of strummy guitars. She sits up and looks around, only to find herself in the same location we left her in last week as well -- the bathroom.
Paris holds her head as she sits at the kitchen table. Kirk enters looking similarly pained. "Founder's Day Punch?" Paris asks. "Abba Zabbas," Kirk replies. "Good morning Vietnam!" shouts Lorelai as she enters the room, her arms filled with bags of greasy fast food. Lorelai explains to a confused Paris that this is the best hangover food "on the east coast," leading one to ask in return, "What is the best hangover food on the west coast?" I have no idea, since my choice of hangover food, regardless of what coast I'm on, is one saltine and two Advils. Rory staggers into the kitchen and is pleased to see hangover food ready and waiting for her. Paris takes a bite out of a taco. "I think I'm gonna throw up," she says. She waits a beat, and then says, "No, I'm good." Hee. Can we just watch Paris get hit with waves of nausea all episode? Apparently not, as our attention moves to Rory, who asks why Lorelai left her lying on the bathroom floor all night. Lorelai says that her efforts to move Rory were met with kicks and vomiting. Rory apologizes for both. Paris makes a request that no one mention vomiting in her presence again. Rory and Lorelai leave the kitchen, and Kirk sits back down, complaining of a cavity.
Lorelai gives Rory a beef burrito, saying she think Rory's Gilmore stomach can handle it. I laugh at the writers for trying to make us believe that Alexis Bledel has ever even looked at a beef burrito, let alone eaten one. If I were Lorelai, I'd be concerned as to how my daughter got such a tolerance for alcohol that even though she drank twice as much as Paris, she's only half as sick. But I'm not Lorelai, who is now telling Rory how Paris is now the "talk of the town" after attacking a pretzel cart, forcing the police to call for backup for the first time ever. I wish we could have seen that -- Paris attacking the pretzel cart, giant pieces of salt flying everywhere, the police realizing they need backup and consulting the town charter for instruction on how to call for it, only to realize that the section hasn't been updated since its creation two hundred and thirty years ago and they're supposed to call up some Minute Men. Kirk dashes through town, shouting "the Paris is coming, the Paris is coming!" and the local militia, in the form of Luke and Taylor, arrive on the scene wearing their finest tricorne hats. I wouldn't be surprised if this happens on the Daniel Palladino-written episode. Rory agrees that Paris was a mess. Lorelai points out that she had company. Rory apologizes for the underage drinking, and Lorelai lectures that Rory, of all people, should know the dangers of Miss Patty's Punch after Lorelai had too much at last year's "Salute to the Quakers" festival and did a Coyote Ugly bar dance. And also, apparently, traveled back in time to the year 2000, when that pop-culture reference was still relevant. Lorelai says she didn't like seeing Rory "like that." Rory says she doesn't like seeing herself like that either. Thus concludes Lorelai's attempt at mothering, and we now move onto the best friends portion of the scene. Lorelai asks Rory about her relationship with Logan, but Rory won't say anything. Lorelai looks hurt.
“ Rory just can't be 'one of the many' anymore. You know who else didn't like being one of the many? Lindsay. Or, for that matter, Dean. ”
Yale! Rory stops by Logan's dorm. Logan says he is surprised by her visit, but invites her in. Rory cuts to the chase and says she can't do the casual relationship thing anymore. Logan immediately gets defensive, saying that he didn't force Rory into anything, and that she knew what their arrangement was from the start. Rory says he's right, and that this isn't Logan's fault. She just can't be "one of the many" anymore. You know who else didn't like being one of the many? Lindsay. Or, for that matter, Dean. Logan's roommate chooses this inopportune moment to announce that a girl named "Cassandra" is on the phone, and that she has a sexy accent. Logan tells the roommate to take a message and go away. He does. Rory tells Logan he can take the call, because they're done talking. Or at least, she is. Logan paces around and accuses Rory of issuing ultimatums. Rory says she isn't, she's just a "girlfriend" kind of girl. Logan says he'll be her boyfriend, then. Rory says that's impossible. Logan says it is possible, and then another one of Logan's Ladies comes to the room, asking Logan to take her out to lunch. Because that's what guys who sleep around do -- they take women out to lunch. Rory asks her to excuse them for a minute, and Logan closes the door in the girl's face, because she is happy with just a casual relationship, and is therefore worthless. Logan tells Rory that he wants to be with her, and that if this is how it has to be, then he's willing to give it a try. "New beginnings," he says, and invites her to accompany him to lunch, as soon as he makes that other girl go away. I feel sorry for that random girl, who is about to find out that Logan actually would commit. Just not to her. I'm sure she'll understand when she sees how wonderful and amazing Rory is, though.
Paris arrives at the dorm and finds Doyle in her bed. He explains that he's really sick, and that his roommates kicked him out. He had nowhere else to go (apparently the Yale Infirmary is not open on weekends), so he came to Paris's suite. Who let him in? He did try to call and ask first, but Paris didn't answer her phone because, of course, it was with Rory all weekend, and Rory apparently didn't feel like picking it up. So, basically, Doyle was not avoiding Paris, she attacked the pretzel cart for nothing, and we can now pretend that last week's episode never happened, hooray! Doyle asks Paris to feel his forehead so that she can see how sick he is. Because one of the only pleasures you get when you're sick is having someone feel your forehead and be all impressed by how hot it is. That, and when your stuffy nose has been driving you crazy all day and then you spray Afrin into it and it totally clears up.
“ Lorelai has no patience for people who don't enjoy her particular brand of humor. Why is she with Luke? ”
Oh, it's Michel! I love Michel. I've only seen him in one episode, but that was enough to make me love him. He has taken a call from Sookie, and passes it to Lorelai. Lorelai asks Michel whether Sookie said how her doctor's appointment went. Michel says he's sure Sookie would have told him if he had actually cared enough to ask. Ha! He's great. Lorelai picks up the phone, and Sookie tells her that her doctor ordered her on immediate bed rest, which means she won't be cooking for a while. Lorelai asks what needs to be done for tonight's dinner in Sookie's absence, and Sookie starts to rattle off a long list of instructions that Lorelai quickly says she doesn't understand. She tries to a crack joke about it in her Lorelai way, but Sookie is not in the mood. I guess she won't be watching any Comedy Central Presents... during her time in bed. Lorelai tells Sookie that everything will be fine, and pretty much hangs up on her. Lorelai has no patience for people who don't enjoy her particular brand of humor. Why is she with Luke?
Lorelai and Michel make their way to the kitchen, and Lorelai asks Michel what they need to get tonight's dinner ready. Michel says they need Sookie. Lorelai says that there is no Sookie, so they'll have to go to Plan B. "That involves Sookie's clone, also named 'Sookie,'" Michel responds. I love how Sookie's clone also has to be named Sookie. I love Michel. Lorelai asks Michel for a rundown of the kitchen staff and what their jobs are, which you'd think she would know herself, being the owner or whatever of the Inn. I guess she's hands-off when it comes to aspects of Inn management that involve actual management. Michel says that they have a guy who does salads, a guy who does desserts, a guy who dresses the plates, a guy who cleans, a guy who uses tongs, and a guy whose role in the kitchen besides sitting around looking creepy is unknown. Michel advises checking the last guy's trunk before he leaves. Sookie takes care of everything else. Lorelai asks who is going to cook the ducks. "It will not be me," Michel non-volunteers. Lorelai asks what they should do. Michel suggests ordering pizza, Chinese food, or perhaps "one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces." His accent makes this line, too. Lorelai calls an end to suggestion time.
The phone rings at Luke's. It's Lorelai, freaking out about the Sookie situation. "I'll be right there," says Luke, whose backwards hat gives him the power to read minds.