Woo! Gilmore Girls ! Woo!

S05E15

Jeez -- a promo does THIS to me. Plus the mere sight of his raised eyebrows and rolled-up sleeve mit exposed forearm in the storeroom promo scene...OK, it's not just the ARM, it's the fact that he's holding a phone and talking to Lorelai about HOW THEY KISSED! Holy crap, I'm a goner. I'm gonna be totally boneless from squee-ful lust...

Just wanted you to understand a bit the headspace I'm in tonight, as I sit down to recap the latest episode. While I'm fully aware you cannot please all of the people all of the time, I'm certainly trying my best to please the "Red Stater." That's a phrase they use at the television job I have these days. "Red Stater." I want you to know that's the phrase they use when they mean "total dipshit." I don't feel that way about you. I do try to write to the top of your intelligence. It's just that the powers that be sometimes think you couldn't find your way out of a used bookstore without help from Blue's Clues. Notes like that last gushing squee-fest aren't helping some of y'all's cases. So. In order to attempt to be as mainstream and satisfying to as many people as possible, without losing the audience who actually might enjoy my writing (I know -- "gasp!"), I will recap to two completely different audiences: first for the readers of TelevisionWithoutPity.com, and then for a site I'll just call...Television. (dot org?) To protect myself, however, I shall write my alternate recap under my fanfic-gushing pseudonym "Stac(e)y."

We open at Yale. Strummy-strummy. Lorelai is walking through the quad and takes a flyer that's jammed into her hand. "Oh, thanks," she says, not looking down. She passes extras who are mugging down against pillars. She wears an orange cap, but no scarf, as her shirt is open about three buttons, so I hope she doesn't catch a cold. She walks, walks, walks over to H10, the room of Rory and Paris. She knocks, which is sweet, considering I'd imagine Lorelai would normally burst right in with her latest news. A male voice tells her to come in, and when she opens the door she's a little surprised to see Doyle hanging on the couch, feet on the table. She asks if she has the wrong room. "I wouldn't know," Doyle says. Paris storms out to bitch at Doyle for putting wet towels in her hamper on top of her dry clothes, creating a wet, musty odor. I hate that! Paris introduces Lorelai to Doyle as "Rory's mother." Doyle informs Lorelai that he's "Rory's editor." "And my lover," Paris adds. Hee. Lorelai thinks that's a tad TMI. In the background we see a gigantic poster of Dave Eggers in, like, this Teen Beat shot, with his big ol' feet crossed in front of him and his hand pushing through his hair like he's a J. Crew model. I can't explain how much of a scene-stealer it is. Maybe because it's taller than Doyle. Damn, I can't find it on the internet. I hate when that happens. Doyle says he doesn't think "lover" is the correct term. Paris asks what would be the correct term, then. "At a later time, Paris," Doyle says, trying to keep his smile unbroken. Paris explains to Lorelai that she and Doyle haven't exactly defined the social aspects of their relationship, even though they're having sex three times a week or so. "Paris, I beg you," Doyle practically whimpers. Lorelai offers to wait outside for Rory. Paris realizes she's making Lorelai feel uncomfortable, but tells Doyle she doesn't care if he's uncomfortable. Lorelai swears she's fine, but thinks Doyle and Paris should maybe be alone. Paris apologizes for even talking about love and sex, what with Lorelai currently being without either. "Rory, are you here?" Lorelai screams. Rory shouts that she's getting her coat. "Oh, can I watch?" Lorelai asks. Rory asks if Paris is out there. "She sure is." Rory: "Come on in." Lorelai leaves. Paris asks Doyle what's his damage. Doyle: "You look so hot when you find me annoying." Paris: "Then I must be Gisele Bündchen to you twenty-four/seven."

Stac(e)y: I lurve Lorelai's super-cute hat. She goes to Yale and goes to Rory's room and there's boyfriend!Doyle totally making himself at home because he's dating Bossy!Paris, who totally complains that Doyle's putting his wet laundry on her laundry (Dirty!!!1!), and I'm like, "Honey? If that boy put anything wet on me, I'd be grateful!LOL!" So then Lorelai says something REALLY FUNNY because Paris is talking about having s*x with Doyle and ohmigod it was hilarious, you should have seen it.

Rory puts on lipstick and apologizes to her mother for having to hear Doyle and Paris speak. She then has to apologize again immediately for having told Paris about Lorelai and Luke's breakup. Rory tries to make it seem like it wasn't her fault that she told Paris; like there's some kind of truth Roofie in the breakfast cereal's Half & Half. Lorelai tells her not to worry, since she was just handed a flyer in the mall, meaning she was mistaken for a student. Rory points out that, according to the flyer, she was also just mistaken for a sexually-confused Polynesian. Rory stands in front of her Dave Eggers poster. No, the other one. Lorelai thinks it's a good idea, their having dinner together. Rory points out that it is Friday night, after all. Lorelai says it's a huge deal they're not eating with "Eva and Adolf." Rory scolds Lorelai for calling Richard "Aldolf." Lorelai: "No, no. That was Gramma." Heh. Nice one, Lor.

Stac(e)y: What color lipstick was Rory putting on at the beginning of Episode 5-15????? I REALLY need to KNoW!!! OMG, it was SO RUDE calling Emily H1T1er. Do you know how many Jews Hitler killed? Emily hasn't ever killed anyone! I know it was a joke, but some people were actually killed in the Holocost. People should be more SENSITIVE. Esp. Loreleii! She's a Jew!!!

Sara M calls: "Hey, listen, Pam. I really need to tell you something. I think your recaps...they're just not good anymore. You're really not fair to Lorelai anymore. Ever since you got married, your recaps just...they just suck. I'm so happy to get this off my chest. Yeah, just needed to tell you. Okay, I'll hang up now. You suck. I hope you've learned why you're wrong and it's important to be fair to Lorelai, who's a fictional character who doesn't exist and doesn't have feelings. I tune in each week because the promos tell me this'll be the week she decides between the guy with the hat and the guy who's Rory's dad. I think you haven't been fair to her. I just wanted to...I just wanted to let you know that. Love ya. I know it's a weird thing to end a friendship over, but it's important to me. It just outweighs all the nice things you've done for me. Like a scale. Please stop typing. I can hear you typing. I'm not Stacey, okay? I'm disappointed, but I'm not Stacey. I hope you take what I've said tonight to heart and like, really think about it, you know?"

Rory walks back into the common room and tells Paris they're going. She walks past Doyle, who's holding the biggest Costco bag of potato chips of all time. The prop department was like, "Okay. You need a flyer about bi-curious Polynesian students, a container of lipstick, and a giganto bag of potato chips all in the first two minutes of the episode? Awesome. I'll just stay late. Do you want potato chips, or can we make a big bag of cheese puffs?" The prop department couldn't decide, so they call the chips "Snap N'," which doesn't really explain if they're chips, puffs, or pretzels, but bag is fashioned after the Lay's logo, I'm making the assumption. Forgive me. Okay, I just froze the TiVo and slo-mo'ed it so I could read "Potato Chips." This is officially More Info Than You Need. Paris stops Lorelai to tell her that she's there if Lorelai wants to talk about her breakup. Hey, maybe she could loan Lorelai her life coach, like how Logan tossed Rory his driver Frank last time. Paris adds that she'd like to have the heart-to-heart before Tuesday, because she's doing a paper for her Emotional Mental Health class on how women "of a certain age" cope with loneliness, and Lorelai's the perfect age for the paper. Rory resignedly stares at the ground. "You can't take her," she tells Lorelai. "She's trained in Krav Maga. Lorelai curses, and says goodbye to Paris as we go to opening credits.

Stac(e)y: I'm such a total Paroyle shipper, but what was up with Paris asking for Lorelai's luv details?!? Um, nosy much? Did anyone catch what Rory said about Paris at the end of the scene, right before the opening credits (Old Person Singing Alert!LOL!). It sounded like she said Paris had crabs! I hope that's not true, or Doyle's gonna need to go to a pharmacy!! Anyway, two minutes in and not one moment that wasn't absolutely perfect. Yay! I love me this show!!!!!1!

Yale cafeteria. Lorelai calls Rory "Ace," and asks where the cool kids sit. Rory informs her mother, not unsnottily, that at Yale, there are no cliques and "cool kids" sections. Perhaps because there are no cool kids. Nerds! Rich nerds! Wealthy, successful nerds who will go on to own houses and fancy cars! Why don't you...go...be happy somewhere and...not...need me to do anything for you? Lorelai wants to know where the geeks, stoners, and Plastics sit. Perhaps Lorelai should have visited Rory at school sometime in the past two years. Lorelai thinks Yale's pretty hippie, what with the lack of cliques and hatred. Rory says it's just like Haight-Ashbury, "except the tie-dye's done by Prada." Rory tells her mother not to sit at the table she's at. Not because it's inhabited by dorks, but because it's got a draft. Lorelai calls her daughter "Grandma," and suggests she gets a shawl. Rory holds up a school-marmy finger and says one good cold can set you back a month's worth of studying. Lorelai changed that sentence in her head to include the word "partying," because it's important for her self-image to pretend she didn't raise such a goody-goody dork of a daughter. Aw, enjoy when Rory's prudish and innocent. It comes so rarely these days.

Rory and Lorelai toast with their Diet Cokes to their very own Friday-night dinner. ["Rory's a college student. Lorelai can't spring for a restaurant when she takes her out for dinner, instead of making her eat in the same cafeteria where she has every meal ever?" -- Wing Chun] Rory asks what's going on at home. Lorelai gasps and launches into a story about a grapefruit shortage due to "the hurricanes." Taylor's freaking out. Patty and Babette are launching Stars Hollow's first Botox party. This is kind of sad to me. Rory asks if Lorelai's invited, and Lorelai gets rightfully offended. Rory changes the subject back to grapefruit. Lorelai tells Rory that she's doing the costumes for Stars Hollow Elementary's production of Fiddler on the Roof.

Rory asks Lorelai, at a couple of different levels of sympathy, "How are you doing?" Lorelai promises that she's closer to fine, and that she's not waiting to hear from Luke, either. She says she's even getting down a new morning routine. She's been visiting Weston's. "Decent coffee; excellent strudel," Rory concurs. Let me tell you what actually happens when your mom starts talking about her problems with her boyfriend. You go, "Oh, yeah?" with way too much emphasis on both words because you aren't sure which word to key, because inside you're shriveling and crying because you want your mom to be your mommy forever, and Mommies Don't Date, and they certainly don't have sex, and they certainly don't have sex with people who aren't your dad. So while you pretend that this is so girl-power and totally awesome to have the kind of relationship where your mom can say to you, "I just don't know what to do. What would you do?," inside your brain is screaming, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Fifteen or thirty-five, you don't want to hear about your mom's romantic encounters because it means you have to imagine your mom asking someone the question, "Do you have a condom?" or worse, "Should I get an AIDS test?" or "Do you think ___ will find me sexy in this dress?" If Rory's this cool with discussing her mom's sex life, Lorelai didn't raise her to think of her as a mother at all. And maybe that's why Rory doesn't treat any of her boyfriends correctly. She hasn't had a role model; just a buddy she's lived with for most of her life.

Anyway...Rory says that her days consist of studying with a strong chaser of studying. Lorelai asks, "How's, uh, Logan?" like she's asking, "What about That Boy I Don't Like?" Rory says he's been out of town for a while, so she hasn't seen him. Rory mentions that she got an email from her dad. This causes Lorelai to flinch through her nostrils, which is quite a talent. Lorelai immediately lays into Christopher for taking two weeks to email after "the fact." Rory says he was just nervous. Lorelai tells Rory she doesn't need to hide that info from her. Actually, from the looks of things, it might not be a bad idea. Rory says she wasn't sure Lorelai would have wanted to hear all of that. Christopher just wanted to tell his side of the story. Lorelai's scoffing all over the place now, sure that Christopher's side is so full of the truth. Rory tells Lorelai that Christopher said it was all a misunderstanding, and that he only came to the vow renewal to see the vows being renewed. Lorelai adds that he only came because "Adolf" told him to. Poor Rory. She's not allowed to like any of her dads right now. Lorelai says that the more Christopher defends himself, the more he needs to defend himself. Then don't ask, Lor. Rory worries that it wasn't just Emily behind this mess -- Richard was involved as well. Lorelai assures Rory that Grampa was an innocent in all this. Really? Check his business records, because I'm pretty sure he bought Luke's diner a few episodes ago. A couple of harried, hungover girls plop down to Lorelai, not even taking their coats off before they moan, "Oh, God," and "Never, never again." Dude, it's not even like, 8. What do you Whiffenpoofs do over there? Lorelai: "See? We are at the cool table."

Stac(e)y: Christopher should go away. I'll kill him myself, if I have to, because he's already got a child -- HELLO!? And Rory's got too much homework to do to worry about telling her mother about an email she got. Right on, Loreali, for calling her mom a B****H. That food at Yale looked good. All we have at my caf on Friday is mac and cheese. GROSS!

Lorelai and Rory walk outside in the cold quad eating ice cream, talking about the merits of eating ice cream outside when it's cold. Lorelai sticks her tongue out to show her daughter the tongue-shaped ice cube her tongue has turned into from the cold, cold ice cream she ate while outside in the cold. Marty wanders into the scene, head deep in a book. Lorelai asks (for some of your benefits) if that's Rory's Naked Guy. "Oh, yeah," Rory says, like even she's almost forgotten about him. She then corrects Lorelai, saying he's not her naked guy at all. Rory says hello. Marty looks up, sees Rory, and turns around to run away as fast as he can, his giant backpack taking up the entire television screen as he leaves. Rory and Lorelai haven't noticed this, however, because they're talking about how important it is not to have a communal Naked Guy these days. They look up to see he's gone. "I guess he didn't hear about you sitting at the cool table," Lorelai concludes. She asks if Rory's "rumbling" with Marty. Even UrbanDictionary.com is like, "That's kind of stretching slang, Lorelai, even for you." Rory says they're just not as close lately. Both women agree that it's a shame, because Marty seems like a nice guy. Lorelai thanks Rory for dinner and says she should get back. Rory invites her to come in and watch television for a little while or stay the night. Lorelai tells her "Miss Nightingale" that she's fine, and that unless there are monsters under Rory's bed, there's no need for Lorelai to spend the night at Yale. Also, that might be filed under "the most pathetic thing you can do post-breakup." The ground is wet, and I'm wondering if they were filming this episode during the constant rain we've been having since Michel lost Paw Paw at the inn. Lorelai tells Rory she's been dumped before. "Not with Luke," Rory points out. Lorelai swears she's cool, and not just because she was sitting at that table. They kiss goodbye and Lorelai leaves, pushing the "strummy-strummy-segue" button on her way out.

Stac(e)y: I want ice cream. Lorelai and Rory were eating it and talking about how it was cold and so is ice cream and it was kind of long so I wish you had just seen it because I can't remember all of it! I heart Naked!Marty. I lurve him with all my squee. And oh! Poor Lorelai, getting dumped by Luke. Ouch! She can come to my house and watch television. I hope she likes Gilmore Girls! Rory said, "Not by Luke." Ow! Does anyone know where I can buy Lorelai's orange hat?

Lorelai tries to make friends at her new morning place, but it's really more of a bakery than a diner, so people are on their way out with their danish. And while they each give a polite nod and a smile to the Crazy Gilmore Lady hounding them about their purchases before their morning coffees, she's just not getting the same amount of sweet quirk she's come to expect with her oatmeal. To add insult to injury, the counter woman hands Lorelai three coffees to go. Lorelai explains that when she said "Coffee, coffee, coffee," she wasn't ordering a beverage in triplicate, but was just expressing her need for caffeine. I do feel for Lorelai, here, when she has to explain to the dead-faced woman what "humor" is and how sometimes she "exaggerates" for "comedic effect." It's hard, Lor, I know, when the world takes everything you say at complete face value. She then tells the woman that if they were friends, or even casual acquaintances, the woman would know how much Lorelai loved coffee, since that's her thing, and when she says "coffee," she totally means she just really wants to order coffee, which, in my book means she'd love all three. Lorelai does pay for all three, and I'll totally take one of those because there's a lot of recap left and it's exhausting keeping Stac(e)y entertained.

Stac(e)y: COFFEE! I can't believe how rude all the people were at Not!Luke's. I mean, say hello, you guys! Ha! Lorelai's so funny, with how she knows that if the woman knew her she'd totally have given her just the one, big, ol coffee. But it won't taste as good as Luke's! Nothing ever will! Go back to Luke! Go, Lorelai, or I'm gonna sleep with him and all your extra coffee! Mmm. Coffee-tasting Luke. Luke grinding beans! I just got the topic for my new FanFic. I'd post it here, but I'll get in trouble. Email me and I'll hook you up! Warning: It's got L/L nudity! Hey, is this not the best episode ever? It's only been ten minutes and I've already cried once and rewound it to watch the scene with Lorelai and Rory eating ice cream twice (I went and got some ice cream and then I wanted to eat it with Rory and Lorelai, so I rewound it, but then I wanted to eat even more ice cream because there was still the rest of the gallon left.) Love those Gilmore Girls!) @):--O (Me, in curlers, screaming because of brain freeze. Ha! (Alice_love_2_eat_@_Lukes taught me that. Shout-out, Alice_love_2_eat_@_Lukes! You're so funny!))

Lorelai rounds her Jeep around the corner and comes to a halt when she sees Luke's boat on a hitch, seemingly tied to a pole. She looks off, hurt, holding her one coffee without one of those cardboard finger-protectors, so you know how hardcore she is about drinking her morning coffee. Poor Lorelai, her ship has sailed.

Stac(e)y: That was so sad with the boat! Why was it facing the wrong way on the street? Ha, ha, I love Jess!

Yale newspaper room. Doyle is yelling at his staff. Now I know they were filming this during the storms, because not only is Doyle soaking wet, but Glenn -- who suddenly grows balls and bickers with Doyle -- is also looking moist. ("Moist" is one of my least-favorite words.) He tells Doyle to stop sounding like a nagging mother telling them to pick up their socks. Rory congratulates Glenn's newfound moxie. Paris snits at Glenn to treat their editor with more respect. "He's your boyfriend, not mine," Glenn says. Paris: "That has yet to be determined." Doyle tells everyone to turn in not just an electronic version of their stories, but a paper trail as well, since last week, when the servers went down, they nearly missed their deadline. Doyle is telling everyone what to do while Rory looks out the window at Marty standing right in front of the window, seemingly to get Rory to stare at him out the window while he mimes having a conversation with someone we can't see who doesn't exist. Rory then stands right up and walks out because she's heard Doyle have sex and that means you no longer have to take orders from that person anymore. Also, Rory should totally be fired from the paper for how she just talked to her editor-in-chief. I can't wait for Rory to have her first real job and learn something about not being the most important person in the universe. ["But for what it's worth, you are the most important person in my universe. Then again, this isn't a real job." -- Wing Chun] Clean a fucking toilet, princess. And wait until your staff meeting is over to go flirt with the guy who's not your boyfriend.

Stac(e)y: Were you guys just like me this week when you heard Paris got her Sidekick hacked? I was like, "Oh, no! Now Doyle will know she really loved Asher!" And then I was like, "Paris wouldn't like Maroon 5" and "Paris wouldn't call it a 'Birth Control Kill Pill'" and she wouldn't mispell so many words. And then I was like, "Oh!" I'm so dumb sometimes! [*shakes head at herself*]

Rory compliments Marty's "manly-sized" cup of coffee. Marty turns a full circle to find Rory behind him. He stammers that he worked late and had a paper. Rory's eyes glazed over at the word "work." Her boyfriend totally doesn't have to work. That's hot. Rory tells Marty that he never has to apologize for a huge cup of coffee. Marty says he knows, and then jams his fresh cup of coffee to his mouth and takes a big ol' sip. I'm not so sure Marty'll be a good kisser, what with him just destroying all the nerves in his lips like that. Rory tries to get Marty talking, but he's being pretty curt. "I miss you," Rory says, like they used to date. "A lot."

See, here. Look. Man. Rory. You lead boys on. A lot. You make them think they're the only one even when you have another boyfriend. And part of my frustration is in seeing my past self in Rory here. I also thought it was important that everyone liked me, especially the boys, and wanted everyone to be my friend, even when it wasn't appropriate to be friends because the boy clearly liked me or the girl absolutely hated me. Shit, I suppose I'm doing it right now, staying up all night to double-recap because I spent the day getting slammed by ten tweens/lonely women who decided they'd reached The Tipping Point with my writing and wanted to start their own sad-ass revolution. So when I see Rory here make it sound like she has a crush on Marty because she knows he likes her because damn she has to know he likes her by now, what with the way he's always trying to tell her so before she runs out of the room or falls asleep in his bed. Marty tells Rory that not only has he been busy, but she's been "a little busy herself." Getting a little busy, yes. Rory asks if he's working this weekend. She says it's been ages since they've had "a good hang-out night." She suggests they watch DVDs and order food. She says she just got the new Marx Brothers box set: "You love the Marx brothers! Duck Soup." Marty tries to back out of it gracefully, but Rory bullies, saying she already said "Duck Soup." "Rory!" Marty says in this perfect, exasperated tone. But Rory's relentless, and won't let this guy have any dignity or shred of heart left inside his body, and makes him agree to not date her this weekend, sit very close to her and watch her not be his girlfriend for an entire box set. With food. Then she hugs him with her whore-red painted fingernails. (That's the name of the color; I'm not judging. They're red like whores. Red Whores. Fine. They're Red Vine Red. Better?) Rory runs back to her "meeting," and Marty kicks himself for being such a pushover.

Stac(e)y: Isn't Marty the cutest! Oy, with the poodles, already! I'm gonna rent Duck Soup this Saturday and pretend he's sitting to me. Are the Marks Brothers directors like the Matrix guys? Anyway, I love their chemistry in this scene. Marty's so cute because he loves Rory, and Rory's so nice, wanting Marty to feel better, even though she's got Logan (Yay, Logan! W00T! LL4AIWWAMH!) Gosh, they sure like coffee in this episode! What a great episode! I've already watched it six times and memorized the part where Marty said, "Rory," because I wish some guy would say that to me like that because he loves me. He could even call me Rory. In fact, I wish he would. I wanna be Rory. I wish I wasn't under house arrest.

Luke's. Andrew's at the counter, complimenting Luke's boat: "Are you selling it, or is it [covers eye with hand, impersonates pirate] some kind of seafood --" Luke: "I don't wanna talk about it." Hee. Lulu enters the diner, pushing a young kid into the room, and at first I don't recognize her because Kirk's not there to announce her. The kid is terrified of standing in front of Luke. He's so scared, in fact, that he jams an inhaler into his mouth and starts huffing it to an alarming degree. The kid's name is Bradley, and since he's busy doing his Kristen Taylor impression (Oh, is it too soon?), Lulu offers to talk for him. Lulu snaps and waves her hand, shouting, "Eyes on me! Eyes on me!" I hope they let Lulu talk more often. She tells Luke that Bradley is in charge of the sets in the school's production of Fiddler On the Roof, and since Lorelai signed Luke up to do the sets, he needs to come by the school tomorrow with his own tools. Luke is grumpy when he hears he's been volunteered to do work, but when he hears that Lorelai will also be there, working on the costumes, he agrees to still do it. The extra sitting behind Lulu clearly went to the recent Botox party. Lulu tells Luke that he doesn't have to do it, if it's going to be all weird, with the boat and the breakup. Lulu kind of looks like Monica Lewinsky. Luke says he might as well, "for the kids," if other people are going to be helping out. What a softie. Bradley reminds Luke to bring his tools. As he heads out with Lulu, he quietly says to her, "I hope he's not late." Lulu says she hopes that, too.

Stac(e)y: Warning: Yummy Luke scene! I call Cleaning!Hands Luke and Helping!Inhaler!Boy! Luke. Lulu sounds like a great third grade teacher, doesn't she? Luke's ALL IN on the play!

Dragonfly kitchen. "No more pork!" Sookie declares, tired of dealing with their pork distributor (Dirty!). Sookie holds...some kind of herb or fern or something, and squees when she sees Lorelai holding a pretty blue bag. Turns out the bag is just filled with Santa beards for the Fiddler show. Lorelai went to four places all over town to try to find a good beard, but Lieberman's Jew in all of Connecticut, according to her. She asks Sookie to "borrow" some tea bags so that she can stain the beards. Sookie calls her crafty. Too bad she can't use her cunning, budgety ways to put her kid through school. What? I said it. Okay, fine. Rory's a big girl. Too bad Lorelai can't use some of her cunning, budgety ways to open her own inn. Face! Oh, it's rosemary Sookie's holding. She's got sprigs of fresh rosemary in a cup and now she's de-stemming them. Sookie tries nonchalantly to find out if Lorelai's seen the boat. When Lorelai can't stop with the nautical references, Sookie knows she has. Lorelai saw the boat from every direction on all of her errands (What, is she waltzing into work at 12:30?), and got the White House Tour of the boat. Sookie doesn't know what Luke was thinking. She asks when he came to get it. Lorelai doesn't know; it was just suddenly gone. He didn't even tell her he was going to take it. "Well, I think that stinks," Sookie says, the ultimate best friend, ready to hate on any guy who's even slightly dicky to her girl. Aw, Sookie, you really should get more screen time. Sookie calls Luke a jerk. Lorelai says this is all her fault, anyway, for buying the boat against his will and storing it at her house. I'm glad the boat has made an appearance, and wasn't another one of this season's red herrings like Sookie's pregnancy or Digger's lawsuit or Dean's marriage. Lorelai and Sookie agree that Lorelai sounds a little pathetic. Sookie says she doesn't mind hating Luke right now at all. Lorelai appreciates it, but doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Sookie launches into a million apologizes, promising she won't talk about it anymore if that's what's making Lorelai leave right now. Lorelai says she has many costumes to make and she's very busy today. Sookie cringes at her best friend's pain.

Stac(e)y: Sookie! I hope her baby is a girl, then Davey will have someone to play with. I have a cousin named Davey, but he doesn't watch this show. Poor Lorelai is sad over the boat. She was just trying to do something nice for Luke. He knows it, too. He loves her. I can't wait for them to get back together because they are perfect for each other. Even my email signature says so. "Luke and Lorelai: forever isn't long enough for their love." And then I have a screenshot of them dancing at the vow renewal, when Lorelai looks so pretty and Luke's smiling at her, and I wrote in purple cursive, "This is True Love" because it so is. And that's my email signature. I love it. ***SIGH*** I'm gonna go watch that episode again. Hold on. Okay, I'm back. ^_tears_^

Strummy-strummy-la-la as Lorelai pulls her Jeep up to the house. At first I thought the lawn was a wreck, but I think she's just got some crazy mosaic going up to her front steps. She walks over to her now-empty garage and looks at the emptiness. La-la-LA-la-lonely! La-la-LA-la-breakup. La-la-LA-la-you- maybe-should-have- stuck-up-for-your- boyfriend-to-your- mom-the-zillion- times-she-made- fun-of-him-in-public. La-la-LA-la-he- built-you-an-ice-rink- and-you-complained- when-he-made-you- breakfast-in-your- own-kitchen. La-la-la-LA-la- I-know-Stars-Hollow- is-a-safe-neighborhood- but-should-you-really- leave-your-garage-open- like-that- and-it's-kind-of-dicky- that-Luke-left-it-like-that- with-the-lights-on- la-la-la-LAAAAAAA.

Stac(e)y: [*crying buckets*] That's what it looked like when Dad left us. *HUGS* Lorelai! I feel ya, girl!

Stars Hollow Elementary. Lulu wears a crazy outfit. She helps set up the stage. Luke arrives with his own tools. Bradley informs Luke that he's ten minutes late. Lulu introduces the other kid Luke will be working with. His name's Damon, and he wants you to know that his mother's a lesbian. This is the only fun fact he'll readily disperse, and he'll use it as an answer to questions, a way to greet someone, and perhaps a way to inform someone that he's hungry. Lulu's crazy jacket is covered in leprechauns. Bradley tells Luke they've got to get started on Tevye's house. Damon just wants to know if Luke knows any lesbians. He says he knows "three, maybe four," but they must not live in Stars Hollow. "I like lesbians," Damon says. "Yeah, they're swell," Luke says, backing away from the kid. Luke looks at the plans and tells the kids to grab Phillips-head screwdrivers from the toolbox. Bradley grabs a hammer and Damon holds up a roll of tape. Hee. Luke asks them if they've never been taught a Phillips-head screwdriver before. Damon: "My mother's a lesbian." Luke shows them the difference between a Phillips-head and a flathead screwdriver. Luke says if they get done by five, beers are on him. The kids leave to...go make Phillips-head screwdrivers, I guess, and in saunters Crazy Carrie. "What did Santa stuff in my stocking?" she asks. It's February, Carrie. Buy a calendar. She's heard about the breakup and is ready to pick up where Lorelai so foolishly left off. She mocks Lorelai's outfits while wearing leopard print. Carrie's the director of this shindig. Her daughter, who takes after her father, is currently hiding under a chair somewhere, as she always hides from her. Carrie saunters off, and Luke scolds the kids for leaving him alone with that woman.

Stac(e)y: How funny is this show!?! Just when I'm so sad because Luke and Lorelai break up they have such a great line!!! I heart these writers! [hugs writers!] Damon is soooo cute with the lesbian mom. And aw, Luke showed up with his tools just like he would show up at Lorelai's house. Are they back together yet? [*off to read spoilers!*] Does anyone know where I can get that awesome leprechan jacket Kirk's (I forget her name) girlfriend was wearing? It's supercute. Back off, Carrie! Luke's spoken for! Get in line, honey. I can't believe she made fun of Lorelai's outfits. She must be stupid.

While Carrie assembles her cast, Luke finds out that Kirk is playing Tevye. Kirk runs to join the kids, saying that his director is calling. Carrie asks if anyone's seen her daughter. They haven't. She wants to know whose parents are coming to the show. Damon raises his hand, purely because his mother is a lesbian. Kirk raises his hand to announce that his mother's going to be in Florida. Then two kids and Kirk raise their hands so they can go potty. Kirk swears he'll just be two minutes. Luke watches all of this from the wings.

Stac(e)y: Kirk! I love this epi!!!!!!

Luke asks Lulu when the other adults might show up. Lulu says that all the other parents are getting there at different times.

Stac(e)y: Come join my Luke/Lulu shipper thread: LuLulu.

Kirk runs back from the bathroom and tells Carrie he even flushed. Carrie tells them to take their places for the top of the show. Lulu tells Kirk that they couldn't find a boy to fill the challenging role of Tevye, even when they opened up the auditions to the "scary extension school." Lulu tells the story of the time they did Jesus Christ Superstar with a Jesus who was allergic to peanuts and got hives from shoving them up his nose during intermission. Christ. Kirk practices his lines.

Stac(e)y: Kirk!

Sookie runs up to Lorelai's garage, bragging that she bought all the glue and glitter Stars Hollow Party Supply had. And apparently she spilled it all down the front of her outfit. Lorelai is wearing this Freddy Krueger-like cardigan/hoodie that is awesome. So Lorelai has decided to turn her garage into a super-secret girly "All-Me" hideout fort and needs all the glitter, paint, and disco balls she can find. I think, when she's finished, this room will look like the mother's storage unit in Bee Season. Sookie answers her cell phone as Lorelai notes she should have done this years ago (but then we never would have met Sebastian Bach!).

Stac(e)y: What? I'm sorry, I was scrapbooking.

It's Michel on the phone. He wants Sookie to know he heard a noise from the kitchen. It might have been a bam, clang, crash, or wham. It might have been a kapow. Sookie asks if he checked it out. Michel runs a lint brush across his monitor and Frenches that he's extremely busy. He's the only one working, since the other two run off on decorating projects. Sookie asks if he actually heard a noise. Michel says he heard a thwap or a brroom. Sookie hangs up and informs Lorelai that Batman's attacking the inn. Great little scene there from the two underused comedic actors. Lorelai unwisely suggests they decorate the garage Moulin Rouge-style. Michel calls Sookie again: "I'm smelling something very funny coming from the kitchen. Could be a pungent cheese. Could be arson. Should I call the fire department or shall I just fetch some crackers?"

Stac(e)y: I'm gonna go live in Lorelai's Moulin Rouge garage. Garouge? Yay! I coined a new term. All of you start using it immediately!

Rory is setting up for her non-date with Marty when Doyle walks in and wants to discuss with Rory her incredibly rude behavior during his staff meeting. Rory doesn't want to hear it, and furthermore, doesn't want Doyle just walking into her room, sitting on her couch, taking off his shoes, pulling a pebble out from his foot and putting it to the bowls she's holding, and then dropping his sock on the coffee table. Doyle says he has a key because Paris said her casa is also his casa. Rory points to Paris's casa, which is the room off to the side. Doyle is even more insulted by Rory's sudden rash of insolence. Rory kicks him out, telling him to take his pebble with him.

Stac(e)y: Doyle's nasty. Good for Rory, yelling at him. He's short.

Michel is now painting Lorelai's garage, commenting that he's the only one working. I guess Cletus is doing check-ins. He's great on the phones, though. Michel complains that his arm is cramping, but he's the one who insisted on doing the stenciling himself. Michel explains that these stencils have been in the Gerard family for decades, so he's not going to let anyone else touch them. Michel complains that the fumes are making him sick. Lorelai: "Oh, mi Gahd! You had a fit to be included. And you've done nothing but complain since you got here." Michel says he's got a life, and didn't need to be included. He feels the need to mention that he also has a lot of friends: "I dare you to find anyone who has a larger collection of techno and rock music than I do." Adding, "I'm fulfilled and need nothing from either of you." Lorelai: "Poor Michel." Michel: "No! Do not 'poor Michel' me! No!" I missed these great Michel scenes. He's one of the few fun things here. Sookie's impressed with their work. Michel descends the ladder and announces that he's done stenciling on that one wall. Sookie tells him he has another three walls to go. Michel uses all of his Queer Eye knowledge to remark that sometimes using a stencil on only one wall makes a focal point. Lorelai tells him to get to stenciling times three. Michel says she tricked him into this. "Just like Tom Sawyer," Lorelai admits. Heh. Sookie asks if this is exactly the kind of special, all-her, alone place she wanted. Lorelai's like, "When will there be enough glitter in the world to fill this emptiness...in my heart?"

Stac(e)y: Lorelai's garage is so pretty! I'm going to paint my room in those colors. Does anyone know where I can find the paint Lorelai used? I NEED IT!!!! Michel was funny in that scene. I wish I knew what sex feels like.

Let me explain to you that I am not kidding when I say I thought Rory was trying to be Christina Aguilera when she opened the door. I had forgotten about the Marx Brothers and Duck Soup entirely. On my first viewing, I was even confused when she was handling the bowls. And then she opened the door like she was going to sing about her mocha-chakka-ya-ya-da-da. Luckily, Marty calls Rory "Harpo" right away, and then I'm laughing too hard through the couple of lines to know what's going on. Marty's impressed with the gigantic movie-theatre posters of the movies they're going to watch that Rory has on display in her common room. And she's filled the place with food, even though Marty brought food too (leftovers from his catering job). It's so much effort for watching DVDs on a Saturday that either Rory is going to confess her love for Marty or she's about to ask him for fifteen thousand dollars. Rory introduces all of the snacks, and mentions the Wasabi bites in particular. Man, those are gross. I bought a package in Hawaii, even though they totally have them here in Los Angeles, and I hate them in L.A. (I am now firm in my realization that while I like wasabi with my sushi, I hate the taste of anything with wasabi in it, like mashed potatoes), but I thought maybe they'd be better in Hawaii, somehow. I was also very excited to be in Hawaii and would have tried poo-sticks, if you had told me they were made in Hana. Anyway, poor Marty's nervous because it totally looks like Rory wants to get with him. They sit. Marty asks if she's going to stay in the hat and wig tonight. "I mean, you can," he says. "It works for you." Adding, "And I'm totally into that kind of thing if you are, Rory. Whatever you want. You want wasabi nipples? I'm your man." They start the movie with a single button and it immediately launches into the film. Marty jams a handful of wasabi bites in his mouth and immediately regrets it. (Wasabi bites are green, so he was eating some kind of sesame snack from Trader Joes.) Rory runs to get Marty a soda while he waits for his mouth to numb.

Stac(e)y: I'm so torn! I want Rory to have Marty be her boyfriend because he's so nice, but I also want her to be with Logan because he's HOOOT!1! What to do? Oh, well, she'll figure it out. She's a smart girl * (That's my smoking girl emoticon. I don't smoke tho!)

Paris storms into the room to yell at Rory for kicking Doyle out of the room: "You insulted him. You demeaned him. You made him feel unwelcome." Rory says he was unwelcome. Paris is holding a packed suitcase, furious that she now has to stay the night in Doyle's disgusting place, where he has roommates and things that grow on windowsills without the help of soil or pots. There's the faint smell of sweatsocks and starter cologne at all times and she has to bring her own toilet paper, "because it is a third world country." Paris storms out, thanking Rory for everything. It's great to have Paris back again. Rory hands Marty a Pepsi. Marty says he really did miss this place.

Stac(e)y: Yay, Paris! I hope she gets her own spin-off. Oh, there's a new recap for The O.C.. I'm gonna go write Djb and tell him how much he sucks. He might have forgotten since last week. I hate TWoP, don't you? They're so smug. And their recaps are sooooo long! It takes me all day to read them and I hate every word! Ugh! And they're so mean over there. They just hate on things just to hate, I think. They should just all go die (but not really because it's not nice to tell people to die). I think they're st*p1d, tho. I mean, they didn't like Angel and they don't recap Firefly! Dumb!

Luke congratulates Damon on his excellent countersunk screw: "Your lesbian mother will be proud." Luke asks Lulu again when the grown-ups are getting there. "They'll be here," she says. Luke says she's been telling him that for days, and he's still the only person there who doesn't have to hang his sheets out the window in the mornings. He has to explain that pee joke to poor Lu...and me. Here's why: if you wet your bed, Luke? Throw the sheets in the wash. Please don't hang them out the window to dry and then use them again. Maybe you do need a woman around the house. Who made Lulu's jacket? It is loud. She promises Luke there will be plenty of grown-ups for him to talk to by the evening. But for Luke, this is just about one specific grown-up. Kirk interrupts to tell Luke they have a problem. The dairy cart Luke made is too perfect. It's too good. It's too twenty-first century. It doesn't have any problems, nor is it heavy. It doesn't work with Kirk's method acting. Three, two...Luke kicks the wheel, the cart sinks on one side, and Luke tells Kirk to thank him in his acceptance speech. Kirk is ecstatic. "Hey!" he cheers as he tries to pull it. "This is impossible!"

Stac(e)y: Kirk!

Carrie screams that the break is over and it's time for the kids to take their places. It's time for a run-thru of "Tradition." It's a nice, little recapper break when they actually do three minutes of Fiddler. Also, since I went to high school in Katy, Texas, a town that technically doesn't allow Jews inside city lines, this is a show I've never seen. I'd rent it, but there's a song in there that my parents used at their wedding and I just don't feel like crying for the rest of my life. I wonder if Stars Hollow Elementary is some kind of arts school, because every single one of these kids is pretty damn good at singing. One of the actresses trips on her entrance (she's playing Yenta), and Luke storms the stage, enraged that the costume wasn't flawless. He demands someone fix the hem on Yenta's dress immediately. Kirk screams, "I was feeling it!" Luke is hopping mad that there aren't other adults there: "This is completely unacceptable!" He storms off, prompting Kirk to note, "He takes his work very seriously. I mean it; just try and pull this cart."

Stac(e)y: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! (Hearts) I just made a screencap website for this scene and I wrote on the picture in Photoshop "Babette Ate Oatmeal." Can someone mail me the videotape of this episode because I need another copy for my bathroom t.v.. Please?!?? I'LL PAY POSTAGE!

Luke pulls up Lorelai's driveway (Dirty!). Lorelai's busy glue-gunning a paper daisy on her private place (Beat that, Dirty!). I swear, Lorelai is thirteen-year-old girl. If you're ever furious with someone and find that they were not where they were supposed to be because she was putting glitter strips on the inside of her garage -- does your head explode before or after you stab her seventy-three times with pinking shears? Luke tells Lorelai that Yenta tripped. They do a quick bit about the plot of Fiddler before Luke says he is in no mood for witty banter. "The kid tripped because her dress was too long." Lorelai asks if the girl is hurt. Luke says she isn't, "But she completely blew her entrance!" She tripped, and they had to reset her goats. Lorelai opens her arms wide and says, "Luke," with this condescending grin because uh, what she's doing is like, important? Luke says Lorelai should have been where she was "supposed to be" so that the costume fit. Lorelai is insulted at the notion that she's "supposed to be" anywhere. Luke reminds her that she's costumes; he's sets. But she's here, and he's busting his ass to launch the off-off-off-off Broadway show. Lorelai says she makes the costumes at home and brings them to the school when she's done. Luke says that's just great, because he's busy having to teach kids how to hold tools and deal with things like pee breaks all because Lorelai signed him up for it. Lorelai tells him he could have said no. Luke asks if she's ever tried saying no to Bradley when he has a giant inhaler shoved up his mouth: "Well, you can't!" Hee.

Luke finally notices the bright pink and blue garage. "What the hell am I looking at?" he asks. Lorelai calls it her special alone space. Seriously, the woman is a child. It looks like Jem's First Efficiency Apartment. Luke gets in a zinger: "Oh, yeah? Well, you got a whole house of special alone space." Dude! Best Lorelai dis of all time. I'm making you a trophy, Luke. Luke asks if she's going to hang out in her garage now. Lorelai says it's not like she has a boat that needs storage anymore. Luke suggests that she park her car in here. Lorelai doesn't want to park her car in her garage, because how else will she get it covered in snow and need Luke's help? Lorelai shouts and whines that she came home to this big, empty space so she thought she'd do something nice so it wasn't a "giant hole of depression sitting here." Luke says he was doing Lorelai a favor getting rid of the boat, as it was her garage. Lorelai, ready with the retort, spits, "Whatever!" Might as well have flashed him a "W" while you're at it, Lorelai. Luke asks if he was supposed to leave the boat in here forever. Lorelai drips with sarcasm as she tells him it's much better to park it out on the town square like a giant "They-Broke-Up Billboard." Lorelai really cares what the town thinks about their breakup. Luke says he didn't mean it like that. Lorelai doesn't know how he meant it. Luke says he can't believe Lorelai is mad at him for getting his boat out of her garage (dirty!). Lorelai says she's mad because he didn't tell her and she had to come home and find it gone and it proves that life exists when she's not in the room, and that's really scary for her: "You just snuck in and took it." She found out by driving by the diner: "You know what? It doesn't matter. Because it's done. We're done. It's fine." She says she's not mad, but she has dresses to make, so she'll see Luke later at the theater. Fade to commercial as Luke looks down, sufficiently chastised.

Stac(e)y: Copper boom! I couldn't stop crying throughout this entire scene because they love each other so much. And Lorelai was so hurt. Luke was so mean to her. He was YELLING at her because of his stupid boat from his dead dad (not that it's not sad when dads die. Was it sad when your dad died, Pamie?). Ugh, this scene was soooooooo sad. I just watched it again in slow-mo, and I transcribed it on IM with the Luke_Lover_76CaLi and we wanted to squee but it was so hard to squee through our tears. But we did it.

Rory is draped across her platonic friend Marty's lap. Marty announces he's going to say something that will upset the entire world. He thinks the I Love Lucy episode with Harpo Marx was lame. I look outside: planet still spinning. Guess we're okay for now. Marty complains that there's no way Harpo would have thought he was looking into a mirror and the last time they made that popping up from behind the partition move she was totally slower than him. Hey, Marty. You need a job recapping? You got the skills and disdain we encourage here at TelevisionWithoutPity.com. And Al Lowe's going to want a Deadwood sub as soon as she starts getting hate mail like, "Your just jealous that you're not a whore in the old West. If you hate the show so much, why do you own a television?" Marty continues complaining about Lucy episodes until Rory flirts that he has to stop watching that show. There's a knock at the door. Marty says he hopes it's Paris. Not a chance, buddy. Rory compares Marty to Tom Hanks. It's Logan, who I'm surprised knocks at all. Now, even I knew that Logan was coming back today and had made a sex date with Rory, so it's a little weird that Rory even plays it coy, unless she wanted Logan to see she was there with Marty. Logan's got the gang waiting in the car to go get Chinese food (didn't Rory and Logan just eat everything ever invented, with a wasabi chaser?), and asks Marty to come along so he can get to know him without leaving a tip in his jar. Marty's awkwardly like, "I wasn't kissing her, I was just thinking about it." Logan goes to wait in the car, and unbelievably Rory's asking Marty if they can go. Marty knows Rory wants to, and for some reason he's willing to put himself through this humiliation of going with her. Rory promises they can leave if it gets weird. Logan and his friends publicly humiliated Marty the last time they were all together. You think Marty's in the mood to share their dim sum? Rory runs to get her coat before Marty can say, "I guess." Movie's off, Marty's pride is ditched, and Rory gets her way yet again.

Stac(e)y: Two boys! Rory's so lucky. And Marty's so nice. Logan's cute. Chinese food! I just got banned from some stupid forum for not using spellcheck. Hello? I've got better things to do than spell.

Chinese restaurant. Rich kids talk about getting drunk and not eating. A blonde named Juliet says she's got the kind of metabolism that doesn't allow her to eat food. Logan pours Rory some beer. She asks Marty if he wants some. He says no, so Logan pours him some. Logan's dating this entire table. Finn announces he's going to sleep with his date Rosemary tonight. Juliet looks like Michelle Williams and asks if she can watch Rory eat. She says she just has to hang in there until she gets a fat pre-nup with a gorgeous, rich man who will take care of her for the rest of her life or will have to pay her billions if he leaves her. Girl power! Do you guys like these rich kids? Honestly. Do they say a single thing that doesn't make you lip curl in disgust? Colin (or Finn, really, is there a difference but an accent? The names of these kids mean absolutely nothing), wears the most hideous sweater I've ever seen on this show -- brown with black migrating duck patterns across it -- launches into nostalgia for his boarding school. Marty listens to the boys talk about the good old days when they partied in Switzerland without parental supervision because their parents pay lots of money to pretend they don't have kids. Rory's like, "That's so awesome! My rich friends are so exciting!" Marty thinks it'd be lonely being away from home. The rich boys laugh at Marty, for he doesn't know how awesome it is to be completely numb, filthy rich, and a total asshole. Rory just keeps shaking her head and grinning, like, "They all just sound so adult! I love my rich friends." Finn/Colin tells Marty he didn't miss his family, and then the boys laugh and then they pipe in some other laughter from another scene so it looks like fifty boys are laughing at Marty as we do a close-up on his food-stamps face.

Stac(e)y: Juliane was funny, how she didn't eat? My sister's like that. Finn's cute! And the food looked so good. I hope Rory chooses Logan. He's so much cuter than Marty and hey, life is short! Ooh, that's a good quote for my sig file. I'm gonna go add it right now. I'm on IM with five different people right now! C_r_A_z_I_e!!! [*screams, hides head, eats Chinese food, calls a complete stranger to see if she can talk to an actual person for three seconds, goes to refrigerator, rewinds third television to restart ICGS episode for the tenth time, raises Logan ten bucks in her imaginary poker game in her kitchen, practices making out with hand, cries*]

Fiddler. The show's going on. Kirk overacts.

Stac(e)y: BORING! GET TO LUKE/LORELAI. I don't want to see a play, I wanna see Luke/Lorelai action!!! Yummy!

Lorelai fixes a costume backstage. Luke brings a chair to one of the cast members, telling him to sneak it onstage when they start dancing. Luke and Lorelai occasionally look at each other awkwardly. Carrie walks up and places her hand on Luke's ass. "I've got a hammer," he warns. "Oh, I know," Carrie says. She walks past Lorelai and gives her a "hands off" glare. Luke and Lorelai share a look. Lulu storms in and says she needs the schmatte. Lorelai hands it over. The girls go to find Carrie's hiding daughter.

Stac(e)y: Luke has a hammer! Go away, Carrie.

Chinese restaurant. Finn asks where they're going . Rory says she can't even move. Juliet asks what it feels like to be full. Rory says it doesn't suck. The kids debate what club to hit . They decide on a Zydeco joint. Man, just when they are the exact opposite of the kind of people I'd know, they go ahead and do something even oppositer. Rory and Marty bow out of the Cajun fest, and Finn announces everyone owes seventy-five bucks for the tab. Logan tells Rory he's got her meal covered, but it's not like Rory made a move for her purse. She doesn't even carry one around Logan. Then Rory, not too quietly, asks Marty if he has enough. Logan offers to pay for Marty, too. He mentions that this was his idea, after all, so it could be his treat. Rory, pay for Marty! Marty says he just needs an ATM. Finn/Colin calls that "quaint." Rory, give Logan the money and quit looking mortified that Marty doesn't have any money. Hey, does Juliet have to pay seventy-five bucks, too? Because these are really shitty friends. Anyway, Eric Stoltz goes to get some money while Lea Thompson sits with her shitty friends and whatever. Logan should have paid for the whole table. And if Rory cannot see the power trips these assholes play with her "super best friend" Marty, then she deserves neither boyfriends nor friends. What is wrong with her? Rory says she's going to find Marty to show him where a bank is.

Stac(e)y: Oh, poor Marty. That was so nice of Logan to offer to pay for Rory AND Marty. He's so hot. I'd let him pay for me any day.

Rory finds Marty standing right outside. "You couldn't find an ATM?" she asks. I want Rory to have to get the shittiest job of all time. I want Emily and Richard, due to this fight with Lorelai, to decide it's time Rory put back in a little of what she's been handed since she got her Chilton tights. I want her to have to scrape other people's food off of plates. I want her to have to clean a public restroom after women have been in it. I want her to have to dig through a trashcan of wet food to find her tip. I want Rory to have to clean substances that might be blood. I want her to be the only one working late at night when there might be someone with a gun outside. I want her to know the shit people go through for minimum wage, and how it feels to be Marty right now, when there's eighteen dollars in your checking account, a table full of shitheads waiting for you to come up with seventy-five dollars and a girl who doesn't even have the decency to quietly give her boyfriend money since she didn't have to pay for her own meal and it's her fault you're even there in the first place. Finally Rory's like, "I'll pay for it." She tries to hand Marty a wad of bills she hasn't even counted, but Marty shoves his hands in his pockets and won't take it. Rory reminds him that everybody's going to come outside eventually and see his broke ass standing there. She tells him to go in with the money and pretend it's his and then they can leave. Rory says she's never felt the need to listen to Zydeco before, so she doesn't need to start tonight. Marty takes the money and says, "Yeah, and I thought getting pantsed at the prom was going to be the low point in my life." Rory can't hide that smug smile, can she? Rory puts a condescending arm around Marty as they walk back into the restaurant together. I hope Logan gets Rory pregnant tomorrow and she has to drop out of school and open a boutique somewhere because that's all he'll let her do for the rest of her life. Because if she wants to be this stupid, I want her to have all of the stupid.

Stac(e)y: Okay, I get it. Gah. When will Rory change outfits, or we go back to Lorelai? I'm bored. Ooh, my Paxil!

Tevye and Golde sing a song about whether she loves him, what with them being married all the time. The girl has quite a set of pipes. ["Broadway kids are creepy." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai and Luke get all misty because they are all in with each other but right now are all out. Just as they're maybe going to reconcile, a group of children run past. In some countries, that's considered good luck, isn't it?

Stac(e)y: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ohmigod, it was killing me to watch them like that, ya'lls. SAY SOMETHING! That's what you said last week, Lorelai. Say it again!!! Says something!!! Kiss! Kiss! GET BACK TOGETHER! Then those kids ran by and I wanted to KILL THEM. But you shouldn't kill kids because of Jesus.

Marty and Rory walk back to Rory's room (Marty's brain? It's singing "If I Were A Rich Man") as Marty talks about when he'll pay her back. Rory asks him to forget about it. Marty says he's working a party Saturday night, and he'll pay her back on Sunday, but it might be all in ones. Rory apologizes about their evening and asks if he wants to come in and watch more movies. "Rory," Marty says. "I feel like I really need to tell you something." He tells her that he knows they're friends and he's really glad about that. "But, I don't want to be just friends anymore. I like you." Rory: "I like...Logan." The delicate Gilmore touch. Marty says he figured that was the case. Rory then adds that she doesn't know why. Marty says he's got a few guesses. Rory apologizes and says she doesn't know what to say. She begs him to say they're still friends and wants him to come in and watch Duck Soup again. Marty says that they are still friends, but he really likes Duck Soup and doesn't want to associate it with this particular night. Rory says she understands. Marty leaves, tripping the strummy-strummy-wire. He promises to pay her back weekend. "Okay," Rory says. Marty walks upstairs to his place.

Stac(e)y: Poor Marty. And poor Rory for having to hurt him like that. She's sweet, inviting him in anyway. And I like to think Marty went upstairs...to my room, where I live in the dorm above Rory. I'm majoring in English and I'm also on the newspaper staff. I'm on scholarship and I like hanging out with Lane and her band when I have spare time. And they call me "Stace." When I get married to Jess? It's going to be at the gazebo in the center of the town, and everybody will be there and Gypsy will be my maid of honor and Miss Patty will be our ring bearer and Jess will wear his leather jacket over his tux and his mom Liz will be there with funny T.J. and Sookie will have a baby right there as they say "man and wife"! And you know I'm making Jess say "obey!" LOLOLOLOLOL ROTFLMFAOGKMP6!

Rory's in bed with a A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius, which suggests that she's officially obsessing. There's a knock on her window. It's Logan. He slinks into the window, his leather jacket creaking on the entry. It's why I can't stand leather jackets. They're such an "I’m cool" announcement. Anyway, Rory hasn't been this excited since Jess creaked into her house. Logan says it looks much cooler on television. Rory says he did a pretty good job. Rory asks about the Zydeco. Logan left when Finn jumped on vocals. He says he wanted to make sure she got home okay. Translation: he wanted to make sure she wasn't having sex with Marty right now. Logan pulls her into his arms. Logan says he's going to give her a proper good-night and then c-r-e-a-k-s into a kiss. Watch the S-curve on Rory's spine as she pulls away from him as much as she possibly can. He moves to leave, but Rory says he's supposed to give her a "proper" good night. She takes off his jacket. Logan asks if she's going to change into something even more comfortable, like "feetsie pajamas." Rory says she's not that kind of girl. She just gives us the one too-easy line every week, doesn't she? Rory and Logan kiss over to the bed. Logan asks a few times if she's sure she wants him to stay. Rory's sure. "Good. Because if you think climbing in that window was hard..." And: sex.

Stac(e)y: HOT! I can't believe they cut it off before they [small voice] d1d 1t. [/small voice]. No fair, WB! I LOVE GILMORE GIRLS! WOO! [edited because there's a big difference in "fair" and "fail."! Ha!]

week: Finally. Emily.

Stac(e)y: Pamie's mean. I hate her. I wish she never got married.