The town is decorated in its fall finest. Lorelai is on her way to Doose's when Jackson whispers to her, asking for her help. It seems Sookie's got a few food cravings that only Doose's can satisfy, and Jackson can't possibly show his face in front of Taylor. Then Jackson gives us an earful of Selectman problems, but to me that sounds like, "Blah blah blah Kirk." I mean, the election's over. Someone won, someone lost. We're all past it, right? Oh. For those of you creating the home trivia game: Kirk is allergic to all pine cone-scented things. Does that include Pine Sol? Jackson finishes his rant with the words "empty suit of Jackson skin," to which both Lorelai and I immediately respond, "Ew." The "ew"s just keep on coming when Jackson reads the wishlist from Sookie: "Grapefruit juice, Milk Duds, Bloody Mary mix, extra spicy turkey sausage." Jackson interrupts to inform us that this is all going in the same blender. Yikes. Jackson says he's getting a stomachache just from reading the list. Lorelai takes the list and offers to get the food. But you know, every Gilmore has an agenda, so Lorelai won't do this favor without a little quid pro quo. Lorelai wants something done about the pothole in the road on the way to the Dragonfly. That's no way to talk about Michel. Ba-dum-bum. Lorelai makes Jackson put her hole his top priority. Whee! Dirty!
Lorelai and Jackson walk into the house, calling out to Sookie that they are both home. Jackson worries that they were followed. Lorelai says that since they already ditched that Audi in Versailles, now all they have to do is find the tracking device. Jackson and Lorelai find Sookie sobbing over a People magazine. "It's just so sad!" she wails. Lorelai scolds Jackson for allowing soft human-interest stories to sit around Sookie during her delicate condition. Sookie weeps, saying that she thought the two people in the article were perfect for each other, with their hair and their teeth. Lorelai and Jackson handle Sookie with kid gloves. Hey, speaking of...someone ought to check on Davey before he cuts off all his hair and falls forward on something blunt, knocking out all of his teeth. It turns out Sookie is upset over the breakup of Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley. Yes, they were clearly made for each other, since she was gorgeous and perfect and he was only sometimes picking up hookers on Sunset Boulevard. Lorelai reminds Sookie that their breakup was years ago. "Tons of people have broken up since then," Jackson offers as some kind of consolation. Lorelai shoots Jackson a death glare.
Sookie is happy to see that her food has arrived. I've never been pregnant, but I'm truly looking forward to it if it means people will just be at my beck and call all day long. I get to bark a bunch of orders and people rub my back and bring me food? Okay, all I want is someone to bring me food. All the time. Sometimes I'll even drive to the restaurant, but it'd be great if other people were in charge of feeding me. I don't mind cooking for other people, but making food for myself is plenty exhausting. Sookie sees the big bag of gross food, realizes that she has asked for a big bag of gross food, and immediately gets grossed out. Sookie apologizes about being so impossible. Lorelai smiles, since it pleases her greatly when others are groveling at her feet. Jackson hugs his wife, saying he'll deal with all of her moodiness and food issues as long as she's the one who pushes a human being out from her Crock Pot. Ew. I just grossed myself out. Jackson sees a car slow down as it passes his home, and he begins freaking out about it. Lorelai suggests that he get away from the window and go relax. Jackson realizes how dangerous it is for him even to be near a window in the first place. Sookie tells Jackson to go check on Davey the way some people suggest one should "putter around in the garden." Jackson leaves, asking them to tell anyone who inquires about him that he's armed and dangerous.
“ Pamie: 'I'm missing the C, the E, S, L, I, N, G and A. What does that spell?' Djb: '"Lorelai."' ”
Rory's chillin' in her dorm, trying to read the paper. Paris runs over and reads over her shoulder, prompting Rory to ask her not to compare their reading speeds again, since Paris is still faster: "Enjoy your trophy." Paris needs the exact time of today's sunset. Rory complains that she's in the middle of an article. Paris: "Well, if you read faster, you wouldn't be." Sunset's coming early today, at 4:31. See, Paris is fasting for Ramadan to add authenticity to her journalistic integrity. Or something like that. It's called a "quirky subplot." Paris grabs a line delivery from Sideways: "Are you chewing gum?" She asks Rory not to chew it "at" her. Rory tells Paris that not eating can make a person snippy. Paris reminds Rory that food particles aren't supposed to pass through her mouth or nose, and says that Rory's Bazooka is passing through her nose. Paris also isn't supposed to have any sex, but I think she's going to be able to handle that rule. Marty comes in and announces he snagged a bunch of chocolate goodies from the banquet he just cater-waitered. Paris calls him "bucko." If I were Marty, I'd be pretty pissed off that Rory was flirting with the guy who humiliated me by the coffee kiosk.
Lorelai calls Rory and brags that she's calling from Luke's phone behind the counter. Lorelai loves bragging to her daughter that she's having sex regularly. Lorelai says that she can be on the phone because it's not a cell phone: "Gotta love a loophole." Luke sees Lorelai's loophole behind his counter and barks at her to get back to her seat. Luckily, Luke's phone cord is long enough that you can actually find the person you're on the phone with and talk to them in person without having to hang up. Luke tells Lorelai that he'll be in trouble with the insurance people if a sack of potatoes falls on her head. Lorelai thinks Luke stores his potatoes in weird places. Okay, so this is a pretty decent episode, which means there's not much to snark on. Let me paint the recapping picture, so maybe that will help with the whole "experience." Djb and I are at a coffee shop. We just swooped in and moved tables to be closer to an electrical outlet for his laptop. My iBook, which I've only owned since late May, looks like I've had it for quite some time. This is because some of the letters have worn off the keys. "You can only use your computer if you've been doing this job for five years," Djb said to me. "You have to be really good at typing." I've written a screenplay, a manuscript, a television show, and about twenty recaps since buying this computer, not to mention the emails and blog posts, but it still took a couple of years for the letters to wear away on my clamshell iBook. Pamie: "I'm missing the C, the E, S, L, I, N, G and A. What does that spell?" Djb: "'Lorelai.'" Rory wants to ask Lorelai a question, but the rest of the people in the room are still having their conversation, even though they can clearly see that Rory is on the phone! Paris is beating Marty with her newspaper because his food particles keep getting all up in her nose.