Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too

When the release all of the seasons of this show on DVD and you have the entire collection, will there ever be a moment in your life -- one single moment -- where you will think of this episode ever again? I think not. Here we go.

Lorelai enters her kitchen to find Luke hard at work, cooking her breakfast. For the record, they both change into their entire outfits before wandering downstairs, a huge opposite to the uniform requirements around this house. We're lucky if we get the pajamas off by dinner. Lorelai doesn't understand where the food, bowls, pans, or cooking utensils came from. It's a wonder Rory doesn't have scurvy. Luke bought the food at the market, Lorelai already had the pots and pans, and he brought his own spatula from home. Luke's an early riser. He tells Lorelai that her coffee should be ready in a minute. It's hard to believe Lorelai's coffee maker wouldn't have the function where you can take the pot out at any time. I settle for nothing less from my machine. That's like only taking an IV of fluids once you're completely dehydrated. It's not like that at all. Man. This is the difference when I start recapping early in the morning on my second cup of coffee, like I usually do, or tonight, when it's very late, I've already worked all day and watched some presidential debates, and am now trying to use my anxious energy for good by knocking more work out of the way because I'm trying to make a living and need to work four jobs to do so, and I don't even have kids, and I'm drinking tea instead of coffee because eventually I'll have to fall asleep, even though I might not for a while because I'm all riled up about this election. I mean, how are there undecided voters? Why is this such a close race? How? I don't understand. How can anybody be happy with the way things are going now, how we're viewed in the world and what is happening to the majority of Americans, from their take-home pay to the troops at war, to the price of health care. How can anybody think that we need another four years of this to see where it's all going to pan out? How can that be a solution? It's like staying with a husband who beats you, because he tells you how much he loves you and it's for your own good, because if you just listened to him and did what he said, he wouldn't have to beat you so hard (notice how he didn't say he'd stop beating you?). Oh, and that husband hates your gay friends. Thinks they're evil to the core. And he kind of hates your black friends, too. He does like your Hispanic friends; they do great work around his house. He wants them to go back to Mexico when they're done cleaning up, though. Don't want them getting comfortable with our way of life. Usually there's no need to have a politics discussion during an episode of Gilmore Girls, but as they brought it up first with the entire townie subplot, obviously the show was hoping to bring up the fact that people can change their leader if they don't like the way they're being led. Or "gettin' leaded," as our Commander-in-Chief might so eloquently put it. Okay. Tea is ready, nerves still jangly, but I'm going to keep recapping and pretend that there's only this sweet little cup of white tea and in my bedroom closet there's all of Lorelai's wardrobe�because I still have a savings account due to the fact that I've got healthcare provided by my employer who didn't phase out all of my computer jobs and leave me completely unemployed and working for three hundred dollars in cash under the table as an assistant (read: maid) for a rich Hollywood lady who had me search her thong drawer for cold sore cream and overnight it to New York because she was too scared of terrorists to walk down the street to the drug store. But, hey. What do I know? I voted for Gore. You like how we're doing, then vote accordingly. I'll see you at Payless buying shoes for my wedding.

I'm just going to start a new paragraph and pretend I've recapped more than thirty seconds of the episode so far. Last thing: Please vote. Please, please vote. Please don't let other people decide for you the most important face attached to this nation. Please. Young people, women, and the most intelligent men on the planet: you are the fans of this show and the readers of my recaps. Don't neglect your most fundamental and important right in this country. Don't let anyone silence your opinion.

Okay, for reals, y'all. Check it: Lorelai is unhappy to find that Luke's made her breakfast. She thinks it's "so sweet," but breakfast is more of a social affair for Lorelai, and eating it in her kitchen takes away from the whole appeal of getting up in the morning, which is to make people in town envy her wardrobe. Why spend five hundred bucks on a skirt if Kirk can't ogle it while eating a scone? Luke futilely (it only looks like I just made up a word) tries to explain to Lorelai that when Luke makes your breakfast, it's called eating at Luke's, but Lorelai doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to change her morning routine. In fact, she's just going to refer to Luke as "Rory" from now on, if he doesn't mind. Lorelai has such clean hardwood floors for being such a slacker. Lorelai equates having Luke make her breakfast in her kitchen with Tommy Lee having a Starbucks in his house (a classic Cribs, if any of you missed it). Luke has never heard of Cribs and is confused with the concept of having an entire coffee house in your kitchen. He wants to know if Tommy has baristas and everything. Lorelai gets a phone call from Rory as Luke sets to putting all of the work he just made into Tupperware, which he can send over to my house, as I'm running low on just about everything and tonight I ate leftover salsa, stale tortilla chips, and half a sliced mango for dinner. Oh, man. Now that I ran over that menu, no wonder I don't feel so good tonight. Maybe I can't completely blame the debate.

Rory can't find a book she needs for a class she's late to because her head's been attached to CuteDean's for the past few weeks. Days? Who knows. Rory is a little freaked out to think about Luke being in her kitchen, potentially naked. Lorelai tells her daughter that Luke is naked and sitting at the table, causing Luke to shout that he's not, which makes him sound like he is. He has a naked tone, according to Rory. Lorelai never tells Rory whether or not Luke is actually clothed, which is just weird. Lorelai says that Luke stayed outside her window all night playing "In Your Eyes" on a boom box. Continuing your education on eighties movies you should have seen by now. If you haven't seen Say Anything it's time to rent it. And then buy my book. Thank you.

Asher willed Paris a printing press. It is large and in their common room. It's kind of the entire rest of the scene, just talking about how it's large. Is it called a "Blau" printing press, Sars? Did you watch the episode? I couldn't find anything about it online, but I'll consider that a shout-out. Regardless, Sars is so smart, I'm sure she's got a section of her brain labeled "Trivial --> Printing Presses," and will answer my question. ["After all that build-up...I got nothing. 'Trivial --> Actors Who Appeared On Out of This World,' I'd have had your back. Sorry!" -- Sars] Paris thinks having a printing press in their dorm room will make them unique, and thus likely more appealing to other members of their generation. Rory complains that Asher's printing press is resting on her bookbag. Paris shouts, "Well, sorry! It's from my dead boyfriend!" When will Paris get a spin-off?

Dragonfly. I guess this place has a study, Miss Scarlett, because I've never seen this room before. Michel is on the phone, upset. He hangs up in a tizzy, prompting Lorelai to ask if Cameron and Justin are having problems again. It seems that Taylor is putting up a lot of red tape when it comes to requesting parking permits for the inn. This is their third attempt, and this time it has been denied due to the fact that Lorelai forgot to put her middle name on the request form. Lorelai says she's going to put her foot up Taylor's butt. "You always threaten to hurt him, but then you don't," Michel says. "You're a Taylor-tease." Lorelai leaves for coffee.

But Sookie won't let Lorelai have any coffee until she's tried some of Jackson's tomatoes. He's growing things with hydroponics now. "You know what that means," Sookie says. Jackson will have some killer weed? Oh. Year-round tomatoes. Woo. Lorelai prefers her tomato with coffee. Sookie is so happy she'll have year-round vegetables and will never be a slave to nature again. Jackson swears to grow anything her heart desires. Lorelai marvels at how much Sookie and Jackson were made for each other. Sookie and Jackson ask for some privacy as Sookie eats Jackson's vegetable. (Technically, the tomato is a fruit, but "eats Jackson's vegetable" is funnier. ["And here I am with the 'Trivial --> Tomato Lore file'! The Supreme Court actually declared the tomato a vegetable in the 1890s to settle the matter once and for all. You are correct, however, that strictly speaking it is a berry." -- Sars])

Paris cleans her printing press as there's a knock at the door. It's CuteDean, who kisses Rory. Paris is shocked, as she hadn't received the memo. CuteDean and Paris share an awkward hello. Rory sends CuteDean into her room and Paris pulls Rory back for a house meeting. "You're back with Farmer Boy? What gives? I thought he was married." Rory says he was. Not anymore. "Was." So everybody stop calling their love an affair. Apparently CuteDean annulled it or whatever, and now Rory's the one. Aren't we happy? Aren't they the Ross and Rachel of our lives? I can't tell what Paris says here after "Well, well, well." Is it "Ross returns"? Because that'd be funny if it was. Paris needs to have a sex talk with Rory now, because there's sex in the dorm. Paris would like to have adequate warning before the sex so she can wear her fancy, expensive headphones. She asks if Rory's a screamer, or if she's quiet. This is the most hardcore of any of the conversations this show has had, and I assume the Family Values Commission, or whoever it was that sponsored this show in the first place, now pretends they've never heard of Gilmore Girls. Rory doesn't want to talk about her sex life with Paris, even though she had no problem getting the scoop on Paris's dirty deeds. Paris asks for a three-minute warning. Rory wants to walk away, but Paris is nagging for a sign that Rory's about to take her clothes off. Rory gives a three-minute warning, and Paris runs away.