When the release all of the seasons of this show on DVD and you have the entire collection, will there ever be a moment in your life -- one single moment -- where you will think of this episode ever again? I think not. Here we go.
Lorelai enters her kitchen to find Luke hard at work, cooking her breakfast. For the record, they both change into their entire outfits before wandering downstairs, a huge opposite to the uniform requirements around this house. We're lucky if we get the pajamas off by dinner. Lorelai doesn't understand where the food, bowls, pans, or cooking utensils came from. It's a wonder Rory doesn't have scurvy. Luke bought the food at the market, Lorelai already had the pots and pans, and he brought his own spatula from home. Luke's an early riser. He tells Lorelai that her coffee should be ready in a minute. It's hard to believe Lorelai's coffee maker wouldn't have the function where you can take the pot out at any time. I settle for nothing less from my machine. That's like only taking an IV of fluids once you're completely dehydrated. It's not like that at all. Man. This is the difference when I start recapping early in the morning on my second cup of coffee, like I usually do, or tonight, when it's very late, I've already worked all day and watched some presidential debates, and am now trying to use my anxious energy for good by knocking more work out of the way because I'm trying to make a living and need to work four jobs to do so, and I don't even have kids, and I'm drinking tea instead of coffee because eventually I'll have to fall asleep, even though I might not for a while because I'm all riled up about this election. I mean, how are there undecided voters? Why is this such a close race? How? I don't understand. How can anybody be happy with the way things are going now, how we're viewed in the world and what is happening to the majority of Americans, from their take-home pay to the troops at war, to the price of health care. How can anybody think that we need another four years of this to see where it's all going to pan out? How can that be a solution? It's like staying with a husband who beats you, because he tells you how much he loves you and it's for your own good, because if you just listened to him and did what he said, he wouldn't have to beat you so hard (notice how he didn't say he'd stop beating you?). Oh, and that husband hates your gay friends. Thinks they're evil to the core. And he kind of hates your black friends, too. He does like your Hispanic friends; they do great work around his house. He wants them to go back to Mexico when they're done cleaning up, though. Don't want them getting comfortable with our way of life. Usually there's no need to have a politics discussion during an episode of Gilmore Girls, but as they brought it up first with the entire townie subplot, obviously the show was hoping to bring up the fact that people can change their leader if they don't like the way they're being led. Or "gettin' leaded," as our Commander-in-Chief might so eloquently put it. Okay. Tea is ready, nerves still jangly, but I'm going to keep recapping and pretend that there's only this sweet little cup of white tea and in my bedroom closet there's all of Lorelai's wardrobe…because I still have a savings account due to the fact that I've got healthcare provided by my employer who didn't phase out all of my computer jobs and leave me completely unemployed and working for three hundred dollars in cash under the table as an assistant (read: maid) for a rich Hollywood lady who had me search her thong drawer for cold sore cream and overnight it to New York because she was too scared of terrorists to walk down the street to the drug store. But, hey. What do I know? I voted for Gore. You like how we're doing, then vote accordingly. I'll see you at Payless buying shoes for my wedding.
I'm just going to start a new paragraph and pretend I've recapped more than thirty seconds of the episode so far. Last thing: Please vote. Please, please vote. Please don't let other people decide for you the most important face attached to this nation. Please. Young people, women, and the most intelligent men on the planet: you are the fans of this show and the readers of my recaps. Don't neglect your most fundamental and important right in this country. Don't let anyone silence your opinion.
Okay, for reals, y'all. Check it: Lorelai is unhappy to find that Luke's made her breakfast. She thinks it's "so sweet," but breakfast is more of a social affair for Lorelai, and eating it in her kitchen takes away from the whole appeal of getting up in the morning, which is to make people in town envy her wardrobe. Why spend five hundred bucks on a skirt if Kirk can't ogle it while eating a scone? Luke futilely (it only looks like I just made up a word) tries to explain to Lorelai that when Luke makes your breakfast, it's called eating at Luke's, but Lorelai doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to change her morning routine. In fact, she's just going to refer to Luke as "Rory" from now on, if he doesn't mind. Lorelai has such clean hardwood floors for being such a slacker. Lorelai equates having Luke make her breakfast in her kitchen with Tommy Lee having a Starbucks in his house (a classic Cribs, if any of you missed it). Luke has never heard of Cribs and is confused with the concept of having an entire coffee house in your kitchen. He wants to know if Tommy has baristas and everything. Lorelai gets a phone call from Rory as Luke sets to putting all of the work he just made into Tupperware, which he can send over to my house, as I'm running low on just about everything and tonight I ate leftover salsa, stale tortilla chips, and half a sliced mango for dinner. Oh, man. Now that I ran over that menu, no wonder I don't feel so good tonight. Maybe I can't completely blame the debate.
Rory can't find a book she needs for a class she's late to because her head's been attached to CuteDean's for the past few weeks. Days? Who knows. Rory is a little freaked out to think about Luke being in her kitchen, potentially naked. Lorelai tells her daughter that Luke is naked and sitting at the table, causing Luke to shout that he's not, which makes him sound like he is. He has a naked tone, according to Rory. Lorelai never tells Rory whether or not Luke is actually clothed, which is just weird. Lorelai says that Luke stayed outside her window all night playing "In Your Eyes" on a boom box. Continuing your education on eighties movies you should have seen by now. If you haven't seen Say Anything… it's time to rent it. And then buy my book. Thank you.
Asher willed Paris a printing press. It is large and in their common room. It's kind of the entire rest of the scene, just talking about how it's large. Is it called a "Blau" printing press, Sars? Did you watch the episode? I couldn't find anything about it online, but I'll consider that a shout-out. Regardless, Sars is so smart, I'm sure she's got a section of her brain labeled "Trivial --> Printing Presses," and will answer my question. ["After all that build-up...I got nothing. 'Trivial --> Actors Who Appeared On Out of This World,' I'd have had your back. Sorry!" -- Sars] Paris thinks having a printing press in their dorm room will make them unique, and thus likely more appealing to other members of their generation. Rory complains that Asher's printing press is resting on her bookbag. Paris shouts, "Well, sorry! It's from my dead boyfriend!" When will Paris get a spin-off?
Dragonfly. I guess this place has a study, Miss Scarlett, because I've never seen this room before. Michel is on the phone, upset. He hangs up in a tizzy, prompting Lorelai to ask if Cameron and Justin are having problems again. It seems that Taylor is putting up a lot of red tape when it comes to requesting parking permits for the inn. This is their third attempt, and this time it has been denied due to the fact that Lorelai forgot to put her middle name on the request form. Lorelai says she's going to put her foot up Taylor's butt. "You always threaten to hurt him, but then you don't," Michel says. "You're a Taylor-tease." Lorelai leaves for coffee.
But Sookie won't let Lorelai have any coffee until she's tried some of Jackson's tomatoes. He's growing things with hydroponics now. "You know what that means," Sookie says. Jackson will have some killer weed? Oh. Year-round tomatoes. Woo. Lorelai prefers her tomato with coffee. Sookie is so happy she'll have year-round vegetables and will never be a slave to nature again. Jackson swears to grow anything her heart desires. Lorelai marvels at how much Sookie and Jackson were made for each other. Sookie and Jackson ask for some privacy as Sookie eats Jackson's vegetable. (Technically, the tomato is a fruit, but "eats Jackson's vegetable" is funnier. ["And here I am with the 'Trivial --> Tomato Lore file'! The Supreme Court actually declared the tomato a vegetable in the 1890s to settle the matter once and for all. You are correct, however, that strictly speaking it is a berry." -- Sars])
Paris cleans her printing press as there's a knock at the door. It's CuteDean, who kisses Rory. Paris is shocked, as she hadn't received the memo. CuteDean and Paris share an awkward hello. Rory sends CuteDean into her room and Paris pulls Rory back for a house meeting. "You're back with Farmer Boy? What gives? I thought he was married." Rory says he was. Not anymore. "Was." So everybody stop calling their love an affair. Apparently CuteDean annulled it or whatever, and now Rory's the one. Aren't we happy? Aren't they the Ross and Rachel of our lives? I can't tell what Paris says here after "Well, well, well." Is it "Ross returns"? Because that'd be funny if it was. Paris needs to have a sex talk with Rory now, because there's sex in the dorm. Paris would like to have adequate warning before the sex so she can wear her fancy, expensive headphones. She asks if Rory's a screamer, or if she's quiet. This is the most hardcore of any of the conversations this show has had, and I assume the Family Values Commission, or whoever it was that sponsored this show in the first place, now pretends they've never heard of Gilmore Girls. Rory doesn't want to talk about her sex life with Paris, even though she had no problem getting the scoop on Paris's dirty deeds. Paris asks for a three-minute warning. Rory wants to walk away, but Paris is nagging for a sign that Rory's about to take her clothes off. Rory gives a three-minute warning, and Paris runs away.
Doose's Market. Lane and the band are shopping. Brian is tallying up every purchase, requesting generic substitutes when possible. Greeked products always make me laugh. "Super Bran!" "Coca-Coca!" "Frosted Fakes!" MfTL refuses to use coupons, as they aren't rock-and-roll. He loads their cart with beer. Wouldn't you have thought Stars Hollow was in a dry county? Lane asks mfTL why he's stocking up on the booze. MfTL calmly explains that when you invite people over after a gig for some beer, they get pissed when there isn't any. Lane quickly translates "people" to mean "girls." MfTL says it is for girls. Lane tells him to get extra, and some for Jimmy Caan. Jackson says hello as he walks by. Lane hopes he's not there for beer, as mfTL has bought it all. Jackson says he's just here for diapers. Lane asks mfTL if any of his girlfriends are in diapers. "What is your problem?" mfTL asks. Lane grabs a container of milk, causing Brian to fret over the name brand.
Taylor is ringing up purchases. He gives a balloon to the little girl behind the counter, reminding her father that the election is on Tuesday. He greets the shopper as Maggie, asking how her family is doing. "They're a pain in my rear," Maggie moans. Jackson stands in line behind Maggie with his diapers. Maggie and Taylor get into a discussion on tomatoes, and how they aren't fresh this time of year. Jackson offers to let Taylor try some of his hydroponic tomatoes. Taylor mentions a problem with Jackson's greenhouse, and then tries to change the subject, as he's working. He and Maggie praise the cucumbers as Jackson gets more and more agitated, wondering what Taylor means by a "problem" with his greenhouse. Taylor tries to get a price-check on cucumbers from the off-camera "Barry," who won't respond a "10-4" when Taylor requests one. Taylor tells Jackson that they'll discuss it at the town meeting, and suggests Jackson find a sitter that night so he doesn't miss it. Taylor asks if Barry was on a smoke break and threatens to smell his breath. Barry gives a sarcastic "10-4."
Rory's in her dorm room; Lane's at her house. I miss MamaLane. Where did she go? Is she on another show? Just tell me so I can watch her over there. Lane's complaining about shopping with mfTL when he wants to buy beer for other girls. She prefers their normal bickering, full of fun times they'll look back on with laughter later. Lane confesses she likes mfTL's "grunt-grunt-caveman behavior," something I wouldn't imagine Lane would like in the slightest. Rory is trying to work in front of her blueberry clamshell iBook. I call bullshit on that machine (as I said in the recaplet, but come on). Props department, hook a sister up with a G4, for Pete's sake. Lane is worried about the ramifications of intra-band dating. Success stories include The Cramps, Yo La Tengo, Kim and Thurston, Sonny and Cher: The Early Years. And there are bands who survived break-ups -- X, Supertramp, the White Stripes, No Doubt (Rory: "Wish they hadn't."). But then there's Sonny and Cher: The Later Years, Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. Lane knows of two country backup singers who shot their exes in the groin. Paris storms into Rory's room, frantic that her headphone batteries are dead. Rory says she and CuteDean are just watching a movie tonight. She invites Paris to join them. Paris declines, knowing there's no way two nineteen-year-olds aren't "getting carnal." Have you met Rory, Paris? The only time she's carnal is when she's eating a cheeseburger. Rory, who shouldn't be giving advice to anyone trying to make a relationship work, suggests Lane come clean to mfTL about her crush, avoiding all the intra-band talk. Rory gets another call, putting Lane on hold once again. It's Dean, who doesn't have a ride into New Haven, because his wife needed the car. Rory doesn't remember she has her own car until CuteDean reminds her, and she reluctantly agrees to drive into Stars Hollow. CuteDean is no match for Lorelai. Lane tells Rory she's going to play two Rilo Kiley songs, and wants to know if Rory can tell the difference between before and after Jenny and Blake broke up. Was their first album when they were still together? Because, I love Rilo Kiley, but nothing is better than "Take-Offs and Landings." Sorry, Lane.
Taylor is giving an etymology lesson concerning why ticks are bad. Everybody's grossed out and wishes he'd stop telling them the particulars of how they suck blood and how much blood they suck. "Don't hate the tick messenger; hate the tick!" Regardless, the town overwhelmingly vetoes Taylor's proposal to erect signs warning townspeople to tuck their pants in their socks to avoid tick bites. Taylor calls them an irresponsible, devil-may-care majority. He calls to order the matter of Stars Hollow versus Jackson. Taylor explains that Jackson's greenhouse is six inches too close to his house, and that he'll have to move it. Jackson is apoplectic, because he'd have to tear down the greenhouse and build it again, as he didn't build the structure on wheels. Taylor tuts that it would have been much easier if Jackson had built the thing on wheels. Taylor says he's there to enforce the rules, and all he can do is hold Jackson in violation, because that's what he's supposed to do as Town Selectman. Despite the pleadings of Lorelai and Sookie, Taylor is firm in holding the structure up to town code. Lorelai tells him to oil his knees and go see the Wizard about a heart. Taylor knows Lorelai is only upset because of her parking situation. Lorelai says it's stupid to reject the form because she left out her middle name. "How many other Lorelai Gilmores do you know?" Taylor says he does know Lorelai's daughter. Busted, Lorelai says that's it, unless Taylor knew her grandmother as well. Taylor tries to adjourn the meeting, telling Jackson that he is only the humble vessel for the municipal code. Jackson decides it's time for a different vessel. "I'm running." He asks Taylor what office he holds. Taylor: "Town Selectman." Jackson: "I'm running for Town Selectman." Miss Patty says nobody ever runs against Taylor. Sookie asks Jackson if he's sure about this. Taylor accepts the challenge and looks forward to a lively race. "Competition is the whetstone that sharpens the blade of democracy." He adjourns the meeting. Lorelai and Jackson start pumping hands to gain some votes. Lorelai and Sookie discuss campaign strategy. The first draft of their slogan: "Taylor sucks like a tick."
Rory rings CuteDean's bell. Rory enters and tells CuteDean that his mom got a new plant. Clara, CuteDean's sister, is so happy to see Rory, and acts like it's the first time she's seen her, which is weird, since Rory's been coming over there every other night. Clara tells Rory that she never liked Lindsay anyway. Hey! He's still married to the girl. Jeez. If that's the same girl who has always played Clara, I'm feeling old. CuteDean's mom gets bitchface with Rory, coldly informing her that she's too late for dinner. CuteDean says they're going upstairs.
Upstairs, we see CuteDean's room. Again, makes no sense that Rory's surprised to see it for the first time since they were in high school. Where have they been having sex for the past couple of weeks? Rory picks up a model car of CuteDean's and actually goes, "Vrroom!" I wonder if they were told to improvise because it's all so weird and wrong. There's no bed, I guess, so CuteDean pulls Rory over for a kiss. Clara starts playing loud music, and in an opposite reaction from any teenager trying to get laid, CuteDean bangs on the door, yelling at Clara to turn down the sound that will cover up anything they do on CuteDean's floor. These morons deserve each other. They can't do anything right. CuteDean apologizes to Rory for his mom, saying that "this whole thing" has been hard on his parents. His dad won't come out of the basement. Rory says it's okay, and knows it'll take time for everybody. CuteDean yells at his sister again. "The college student and the divorcee," he laughs. "We'd make a good adult film," Rory says. No, you wouldn't, because that would require you to be hot. You guys have no real sexual chemistry. Crush-cute is not the same as sexy. CuteDean's mom knocks and asks when Rory's going home, because they want to set the house alarm. CuteDean says he'll set the alarm, even though it'll wake up his parents when he does. She asks that Rory doesn't stay too late. She then opens the door a crack before walking away. Heh. My mom totally used to do that. CuteDean is amazed. He suggests they go see a movie. Rory says it's late and she has classes. She's not hungry, either. They decide to watch television. CuteDean turns on the oldest television in the world, shuts the door, and sits on the floor. As they wait for the television to warm up, we hear CuteDean's parents screaming at each other downstairs, unless that's the television without a picture. It's hard to tell. Regardless, dude. CuteDean needs to get his own place if he wants to get laid. Rory needs to move on.
Luke's has become Jackson's campaign headquarters. Lorelai is using her cell phone to make calls to citizens, asking for their vote. So, let's see. Lorelai has taken over her boyfriend's restaurant for her campaign AND is using a cell phone inside the diner? She is a really bad girlfriend. Kirk's in a suit, and he's made an informal poll of Stars Hollow, using the same math the Gallup Poll uses, which means he only had to ask himself, which he did, and unanimously, Stars Hollow is voting for Jackson. I had friends who used to work for the Gallup Poll. That's a tough job, right there. You only get paid your normal wage when you get people to stay on the phone for the entire poll, which can sometimes take twenty minutes. If they hang up after fifteen, you don't make your money. So either get off the phone quickly with those people or do the whole questionnaire because they're just trying to make a living in this economy that's making all of us have to work twelve-hour days just so we can have a roof over our heads. I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if I had a kid. I don't know how you parents do this. I am stretched trying to feed three cats, and I have four jobs. Four! Did I mention you should vote? Because you have to. You have to vote. We can't keep living like this.
Luke asks Lorelai if his customers are getting in her way. She says they're fine, and asks Lane if her band will play at Jackson's rally. She says they will. Lorelai tells her that Jackson already picked out a song. Luke finally has had enough of the shenanigans and tells Lorelai she can't do this in here. She wants to also use the diner for the night of the election to have a place to go that's close to the stage, while they wait for election results. Luke doesn't want his place to become the political headquarters. Four times he says: "You cannot gather here." Lorelai says that sleeping with Luke is getting her nothing. Don't you have an inn to run? Luke tells her to get out of there. She doesn't. Jackson runs in to grab Davey and take him outside to see some people. Sookie coaches Davey from the other side of the glass, telling him to do the clapping thing. Davey does some cute clapping. Taylor invites people on the street to come in his shoppe for free ice cream. Sookie calls Taylor's trick "dirty." Lorelai says he just needs some lying Swift Boat captains to complete the ambush. Sookie worries that they'll lose now. Lorelai says they just have to stay focused and do this one vote at a time. She gets back on her cell phone, prompting Sookie to ask if she's calling Ben Affleck. She calls Rory, and asks her to come to town to vote for Jackson on Tuesday. Can't Rory vote absentee? Lorelai tries to ask how CuteDean is, and sounds like she wants to scream, "Why haven't you left him yet?" Rory says he's good and hangs up. Sookie asks what's with the weird tone. Lorelai says she's trying so hard to sound totally cool with the situation that she sounds totally freaked out. Sookie asks how she could be totally cool. Lorelai admits she's leaning towards totally cool, approaching cool, but you know, she's a thinking human being and can see why this whole thing isn't cool at all. In fact, Jackson might want to prevent Rory from supporting him, so he can keep the rest of Stars Hollow on his side. Jackson returns Davey, calling him "politically useless."
Rory picks up CuteDean, who was waiting on his stoop.
"Inspiration Point." Rory and CuteDean try to make out in the front seat of the Prius, and they're somehow on her hair, on his leg, hurting her, hurting him. They keep panting, which is weird. Rory can't figure out how to sit on CuteDean's lap. These kids need some coaching. They also need to watch like, three minutes of Grease or Back to the Future or even Titanic. Jesus, this is depressing. Anyway, they give up, because they lack normal teenage hormones. They're also still wearing all their clothes, like layers of clothes. Awful. Rory suggests they go to CuteDean's. "No. My parents are there," he says. Why not go to Miss Patty's? You guys have a hay bale with your imprint on it already, don't you? Rory suggests they go to Luke's, as now that Luke and Lorelai are dating, they're sure to get a good table (what?). CuteDean doesn't want to go to Luke's. Rory gives up, and says, "I'm out." CuteDean says she should take him home. "Oh, okay," Rory says, not even slightly put out by the request. In the background, someone is playing Ellen DeGeneres' owl impression. Rory invites CuteDean to go with her to Jackson's rally. CuteDean doesn't want to be seen in public with Rory, as it would rub their relationship in Lindsay's face. Rory says she wasn't trying to do that. CuteDean get all mad, probably due to the blue balls, so Rory takes him home. You guys, this will end up being my shortest recap ever and it's not for lack of trying. There's just nothing to report. And the last time this happened I gave you the contents of my purse, so I don't know what to do. I could talk about my upcoming wedding. Would that help?
Rory pouts into Lorelai's house. Lorelai asks if she was supposed to be expecting her. Rory says she's tired and doesn't feel like driving back to school tonight, as she has class tomorrow. Lorelai can't believe Rory drove all the way to Stars Hollow to hang out with CuteDean when she has class in the morning. Rory's all, "What? What did you say?" Lorelai leaves for Pop Tarts. Our wedding is on New Year's Eve.
Election day. Night? I don't know. Lorelai tells Rory to hurry up with her voting. Rory tells her not to harass the voters. "This is not Florida." Sookie cheers that she just got to vote for her husband. Taylor emerges from his booth, saying they'll never guess whom he voted for. I love that they gave Sookie First Lady hair for this scene. Taylor and Sookie shake hands. Sookie tells Lorelai this has been fun, even if they lose. Lorelai says they will not lose. Rory says she'll hang out and see Lane's band before she leaves. That's a first. Sookie goes to make stew for Jackson if he loses. Lorelai swears Jackson isn't going to lose. I have my dress, but I haven't looked for a pair of shoes. I found a pair of shoes I love, but they're black, and the company doesn't make them in the color I need.
The band is listening to the song they have to cover with bemusement. Might have been good to learn the song more than one hour before the gig, but what do I know? It's "Believe It or Not," the theme from Greatest American Hero, the show that united my mom and her two daughters. We'd all gather around and sing the theme like it was an anthem, I swear. You youngsters might only know this song as the brilliant message George Costanza had on his answering machine. ("Where could I be?" Hee!) Oh, man, it's a good song. "This is the day the music died," declares mfTL. Sebastian Bach says Seals & Croft rocked harder than this. "My mom likes this song," Brian whines. The band briefly debates wearing wooden tiki masks while playing the gig so nobody recognizes them. "I'm not wearing smelly wood on my face," mfTL says, in a line I have a feeling he wrote for himself. He suggests they walk out to keep their street cred. Lane says one night where they play not to impress jiggly girls isn't going to kill them. MfTL says part of the appeal of all this is meeting chicks. Lane says that's not why she's in a band. But Brian and Sebastian Bach are. They argue into circular logic, and get confused. Sebastian Bach reminds everyone that Hendrix rocked out the national anthem at Woodstock, so they can do the same to this eighties sitcom theme song. Lane and Sebastian Bach high-five. The chances of my fiancé reading this recap are slim to none, as we rarely read each other's recaps any more, but I'm still going to keep the details of my dress a secret. I can tell you that he hasn't decided what he's going to wear yet, and it really weirds me out when women choose what their grooms will wear at their weddings. I mean, lady, lose a little control.
Luke, who will never get his way ever again for the rest of his life, has prepared everything for Lorelai's campaign headquarters, all over his food. He even hands over the keys. She must look really good naked. Lorelai can't believe Luke doesn't want to wait up to hear the results. Luke says he doesn't want to get too emotional. When would Luke ever want to take part in a town function? Although, now that he's dating Lorelai, it'd be nice if he took part in her interests, and heading a campaign like this (albeit for less than a week), it'd be nice if she had someone by her side, cheering her on. Whatever, Lorelai's had a lifetime of selfish acts. Let Luke get some damn shut-eye. He's got to clean this mess up in the morning, anyway. Rory leaves. How is Lorelai handling all this abandonment? Sookie knows that Jackson is nervous, as his neck has gone away. Kirk runs in, wearing someone else's pants, and says from the polling he's done he determined Jackson will win by a landslide. Nobody is voting for Taylor. Not a single person. They repeat this a few times so we know that this time it has nothing to do with Gallup Poll math. Apparently Jackson is really, really, really going to win. They all run outside to celebrate. Lorelai is left in the diner, grabbing her purse or whatever, and catches a glimpse of Taylor through the soda shoppe window. Taylor, in the near dark, quietly, sadly sucks from a whipped cream can. It is hard to tell if he's crying on the outside, but there's no question what's happening on the inside. The strummy-strummy-la-la sings in a minor key to stress how sad this is. Lorelai leaves Luke's. I have a maid of honor and a best man. Choosing the wedding party was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I do not enjoy the Sophie's Choice nature of the whole thing.
Rally. Rory finds Lane. "You're here?" Lane says, with not near as much surprise as she's earned. Rory calls herself Lane's groupie, but tells her not to get any ideas, as she's not planning on experimenting until her junior year. Or last year's spring break. One of my honor attendants bullied me into completing our registry last week. That took so much work. And so many people just ignore the registry and buy you whatever. I had to look at macys.com for seven hours to find a towel I liked. I mean, I really like that towel, you know? We both love that towel. We went to the store and touched towels, and then we went online and found that towel and registered for them because we need towels. Our towels never recovered from the Sewage Disaster 2002-2004 in the last house, and the one thing I was looking forward to about registering for gifts was getting pretty towels. Anyway, the registry is done, mostly because the honor attendant was losing his shit over it.
Sookie welcomes everyone to the rally. She thanks everyone for the support and nice thoughts. "Wow. Again: wow." Sookie goes into full-on awkwardly white First Lady mode and introduces Lane's band: Hep Alien. Bad band name, guys. Bad. The band rocks out a sort of punk version of "Greatest American Hero." Maybe it's just me, but I think it's a touch too fast. Did you know in California it's legal to marry your cousin? Just a little tidbit of trivia for you, there.
Sookie is wincing from the loud and the fast and the punk. Lorelai tells her she just saw Taylor and she thinks he knows. Sookie can't hide her glee, no matter how sad Taylor is. Lorelai thinks it's really sad and humiliating to receive no votes at all. Lorelai leaves. My mom will be walking me down the aisle.
Sebastian Bach hits a few notes of the national anthem on his guitar. I am now reminded of the time I was probably twelve years old, sitting in my living room, singing along to Sebastian Bach as he sang "I Remember You," which man, I sang the shit out of. That and "18 and Life." And I'd flip my hair back when Sebastian Bach flipped his hair back, and I hoped he wouldn't do so many drugs that he'd die really young, like I was sure was going to happen to Axl. And my mom came out to find out what my wailing was all about, saw Sebastian Bach, and tsked. "He'd be so much better looking without all that girl hair." My mother: a child of the sixties, morals of the fifties. I love our wedding bands and can't wait to wear mine. I like mine a lot, but I really love stee's. I love the way he looks when he's staring at it, like everything inside him just clicked into place.
Lorelai stops Andrew outside the polling booth and asks him to vote for Taylor instead. Here's where you think Lorelai's going to accidentally tip the scales in Taylor's favor, but that doesn't happen. In a rare moment of compassion, Lorelai just wants Taylor to have a few votes. Our cake lady is awesome. Please use her for all your cake needs. Also, the words "cake" and "lady" go perfectly together.
The band wraps up the song, winning a few girlie groupies in the process. They take a bow and pull a couple of chippies backstage. Sookie calls their performance "peppy" and calls Jackson to the stage. Jackson and Sookie kiss for a while, one of the more passionate kisses we've seen in this show's history. Jackson thanks everyone for coming and supporting them. He realized, though, that he has a job and a life and no time to be a Town Selectman. He's got a wife and a baby and they're already trying to have another one. The doctor has them on a schedule, and it's "not flexible." Everybody in this town treats sex as an inconvenience. Jackson tells everybody he doesn't want to be the Town Selectman, causing the crowd to cheer his honesty. The woman in the front of the crowd doesn't look convinced, though. The crowd chants his name. I tried to get away with not carrying flowers, but both stee and one of my bridesmaids nixed that idea before I'd finished suggesting it. Everybody loves flowers, I guess. ["I've heard from various brides that you'll be glad to have something to do with your hands." -- Sars]
The band celebrates victory with beers and girls. Lane stays in the kitchen, fuming. Brian and mfTL realize that spinning cheese into gold is their new sound, and what's working for them. The chippies tell mfTL that he's going to be so famous. "Will you remember us when you're huge?" one asks. "No," he answers. The girls giggle. "You're awful!" the other says. "I'm awful, too!" Brian offers, stopping the fun cold. MfTL goes for refills. He asks Lane to grab him a couple of beers and tells her to come join the party. Lane hands him the beers and says she likes him as more than a bandmate and more than a friend. She says she's liked him for some time now and thinks the feeling isn't going to go away. She hands him a beer and walks off. MfTL, dazed, heads outside for some air. Brian offers to play the endless Ken Burns Jazz on DVD. This is the most I've talked about the wedding to people, other than last week when my maid of honor came over and I put on the dress and we danced around my living room like spazzes.
CuteDean finds Rory in the crowd. Rory's drinking coffee late at night. He apologizes for "this whole situation." He says it's been harder than he thought, dealing with his parents and Lindsay. He swears it's not because of Rory, because God forbid a fucking Gilmore ever takes the blame for something. CuteDean says he doesn't want to yell at her anymore, so he worked out the car thing and had a talk with his mom. He's sure everything's going to be better now. He kisses her in public and then apologizes again. Rory asks Dean if she can ask him something without him getting mad. Dean's all, "Why would I get mad? Just because I have a TENDENCY TO BLOW UP AT PEOPLE WITHOUT ANY WARNING?" She asks him if he still would have left Lindsay if she hadn't found that letter. That's why she found the letter, Rory. CuteDean's all, "Sure. Whatever." And that's good enough for Rory. Gah. I'm over these two. How has this show ruined both of the relationships I loved in less than two episodes? Two episodes! Our wedding is at night.
Miss Patty declares Jackson the winner. Taylor got ten votes. Jackson doesn't want to make a speech, so Taylor storms the stage. He gives Jackson a handshake and makes his way to the microphone. He says today in Stars Hollow democracy has spoken. The will of the people has prevailed and the voice of the town has been heard. Taylor says that free elections are a wonderful thing, something to be admired and cherished. He also admires and cherishes the recall election. He says one will happen any day now when sanity and reason have been restored to Stars Hollow. He says everyone had better believe they'll have Taylor Doose to kick around again. Ugh. If they rig that election again this year, I'm moving to Canada. Our sisters are our ring bearers.
Andrew and Miss Patty are already bugging Jackson for permits. Kirk offers to be in charge of Homeland Security. The wedding is in Los Angeles.
Lorelai finds Luke up in his room. She's brought champagne to celebrate. But see, Luke was sleeping, because he gets up early, because he actually goes to his job. Lorelai realizes that maybe Luke needs sleep. She kisses him goodnight. She also remembers that he hates champagne. "I'm learning, I'm learning," she says. They kiss again. Lorelai leaves and Luke smiles for a while before going back to bed. Alone. I am so excited to be getting married, and I'm already sad that the wedding day will be over in a couple of months.