A flurry of "la"s float us down to Jackson, Sookie, Davey, and Lorelai enjoying breakfast at Luke's. Lorelai feeds Davey using the old Airplane Technique. Jackson wonders what they said to kids before airplanes were invented. "'Here comes the choo-choo,'" Sookie guesses. And before trains? Lorelai: "'Here comes the spoon.'" Luke grumps over and rushes through Air Lorelai's final descent. "I don't like babies," he gruffs. Jackson stands up and shouts, "Hey!" He is then shocked at how violently protective he just got. Luke explains that he hates the noise babies make. I'm with ya, Luke. Lorelai says that the baby hasn't made a peep. Luke knows that Davey will, and that it'll be at the worst possible time. Lorelai asks if that would be when Luke's defusing a bomb. Sookie gasps, "That would be awkward." I would like to take a quick break here to ask people to stop taking their babies and young children to inappropriate movies. Your four-year-old is distracting me during Dawn of the Dead because all I can imagine is his trauma. Same for Freddy Vs. Jason, Kill Bill Vol. 2, and The Matrix Reloaded. Are you trying to raise a serial killer? Get a sitter! Luke tells Lorelai she's got one minute to order and six minutes to eat. Lorelai writes the new motto for Luke's: "Eat it, then beat it."
Taylor wanders in, all jaunty and happy, fresh from his almost full-season hiatus. There's something different about Taylor. It's not just his tan from his "vacation." It's the chunk of thick, black, fake hair on top of his head. Lorelai, Sookie, and Jackson don't even try to hide their giggles and judgment. Taylor asks Lorelai if she's ever been to the Caribbean. Lorelai, distracted by the Sharpie-colored toupee, asks him to repeat the question. He does. She's still distracted, and asks him to repeat it again. Still not getting through to her brain, Taylor moves on to Luke to observe that there's an odor in the street and that he assumes it's coming from the diner. Taylor says that the smell wasn't around when he left for the Caribbean, so he doesn't know where else it could be emanating from. Luke suggests that he try looking underneath that thing on his head. Taylor says he's just coming his hair differently. Luke thinks that combing it would loosen the glue. Jackson admits that he smelled something bad as well, but that it wasn't by the diner. It was across the "st-hair." Sookie says she smelled it by the "Hairstand. Uh! Newsstand." Some random guy says he smelled it by Gypsy's. Taylor wonders how the whole town can smell. Lorelai says that it is an old town -- two hundred years old. Taylor says that they might have skunks again. "I think you're right, Taylor!" Kirk shouts from the back of the diner. Taylor explains that they had skunks ten years ago. They crawled under houses and died and the town smelled for weeks. How could Taylor be the only one of them who remembers something so foul? I wasn't even there and I can imagine the smell right now. Kirk congratulates Taylor on coming up with the solution. Taylor says he's got to mobilize the community, since this has to be dealt with before the upcoming flower show. Kirk says he'll go door to door and make sure every person looks under his or her house: "I'll even knock some heads together. Get medieval on their ass." Taylor leaves, and Luke demands Lorelai's order. Sookie asks Jackson to get violently protective again, so Luke backs off. But Jackson isn't sure he can summon that again. He tries, standing halfway up with a shaken fist, shouting, "Iiiiii-rreeeee-Luke!" before sitting back down. Luke: "In five minutes, you're all gone." Luke leaves. Jackson's sad that he let the girls down. He says he'll practice more. Lorelai tells everyone to hurry up and read their menus. We fade to opening credits.
“ Enter Lindsay, who is so peripheral that they always have to go, 'Hey, Lindsay!' every time she's in a scene so we know who the tall blonde is, and don't mistake her for Janet. ”
Dragonfly. Lorelai and Sookie are making Michel and CuteDean carry a bookcase around the lobby, trying to fit it in a spot. It's too big, much to the amusement of GrumpyTom, who didn't have this particular item cleared through him. Michel is furious that he's hurting his cuticles hauling this piece of wood back and forth, but CuteDean takes all the heavy lifting in stride. Michel asks Lorelai if she has any other places she'd like them to carry the bookcase: "Maybe to the Lincoln Memorial, in his giant lap?" The delivery is awesome, and it's one of those lines that keeps me giggling long after it's been said. Michel quits when they suggest moving it by the front desk, so CuteDean carries it all by himself. CuteDean's hair has reached mushroom proportions, and somebody has to be fired because of it. Seriously. The kid's cute. Quit making him look like he can't read. Lorelai decides to send her thousand-dollar bookcase over to Rory at Yale. Because dorm rooms are so spacious. Enter Lindsay, who is so peripheral that they always have to go, "Hey, Lindsay!" every time she's in a scene so we know who the tall blonde is, and don't mistake her for Janet. Lindsay asks Michel if he's okay, since he's standing funny. Michel explains that this is how you stand in the pants he's wearing. I love Michel. CuteDean gives Lindsay some keys, and they flirt by the staircase as Lorelai and Sookie gush over how perfect they are for each other -- how they "float" around each other. Michel pouts that the Deans of the world always get the Lindsays, and that the "pretty little things" end up lifting bookcases. Michel has a bit of a freak-out over the bookcase, wishing it had never been born. GrumpyTom says that if the bookcase had been ordered through him, Michel wouldn't be experiencing this psychological trauma.
Friday-night dinner. There is no need for me to transcribe verbatim this incredibly long rant Lorelai goes on at the top of this scene. Just know that Lorelai wonders where all the anvils are -- the anvils that were apparently so common in the old days that they put them into cartoons as punchlines. How have they all just disappeared? When Richard suggests that they have all been melted down, Lorelai reminds him that the entire point of anvils was that they withstood melting-point temperatures. Emily says that this is easily the most pointless conversation they've ever had. And there've been two minutes too much of it. The point is, we've been complaining all season that nothing has happened. "Where are all the anvils?" we might have been asking. We're about to find out where they've been suspended for seventeen episodes. Richard says that he and Digger have big news. "You're pregnant?" Lorelai asks. Richard doesn't even take a breath to acknowledge her guess. He says that they're acquiring a company. It's a one-man operation run by someone named Bob Sutton. They're acquiring his company, which is him. "Did he have to give himself two weeks' notice?" Lorelai asks. "Is there going to be a sad little going-away party where he brings in his own cake and blows out his own candles?" Richard says that they're having a dinner the day, with the wives. Emily groans that Bob's fine, but that she hates his trophy wife: "Her car looks just like Barbie's!" Richard tells Emily to focus on Bob, because he's brilliant. He's a Rhodes Scholar. "Ask him where the anvils went!" Lorelai beams. Everybody gives Lorelai that look.
“ Ah, the impromptu dinner party. It might be nice to have it as an elective in college. Because these days the impromptu dinner party guests include one vegan, one allergic to shellfish, two who hate onions, and one who doesn't like 'weird foods.' ”
Taylor's shoppe. An elderly woman compliments Taylor on his healthy glow. He says it's from his Caribbean cruise. She says it's probably just the fake hair. Kirk has entered the shoppe, looking uncomfortable. Taylor asks what's wrong. Kirk accidentally touches the candy. Taylor is irritated, and tells Kirk to get to the point. The point is: it's eggs. The smell. Kirk hid the Easter eggs, but not all of them were found, and the smell is probably eggs rotting because Kirk didn't make the egg map -- the apparently legendary egg map that tells where all of the eggs are hidden, and so there are fifty-nine rotting eggs still hidden in the square. Taylor is livid. "I find your hair very believable," Kirk says as he follows Taylor out of the store.
What's funny about this swooping golf shot here is that the first time I saw it I thought, "Why are they making such an obvious camera move here so that I think about how this scene was filmed? Why such swooping and pushing in with drama just to show Richard teeing off?" In about forty-five minutes, there will be an answer to that. Digger compliments Richard's shot. When Bob comes up to agree, for a second I think that Dan Castellaneta is playing the role. But it's not, it's just a look-alike. Bob couldn't possibly have a trophy wife with those clothes. If there's one thing a trophy wife does, it's shop and dress her husband. Two things. Homeboy's wearing a sweater that looks like a Q-Bert puzzle with a very pink collared shirt underneath. The CuteDean-looking caddie makes a club recommendation to Digger, who plays golf about as well as I do. (I've never played.) Digger asks for whatever club is going to make him look less like Dorf. Bob tells Richard that his wife is very excited about the merger. Digger swings and completely misses. Richard and Bob laugh loudly as Digger stands there, trying to have a shred of dignity. Richard says it's hard to know whether Digger should yell "fore" or "duck." Digger wishes businessmen did deals over air hockey, because he's great at that. Floyd, Digger's father, rounds the hill and walks over to the men. "One of the many hazards on this golf course," Digger notes. Floyd shakes Digger's hand and says that the groundskeeper must be unhappy to see him today. Digger agrees he produces a lot of divots. Floyd pulls Richard away. I know everybody thinks women talk in strange circles, but businessmen are much weirder. Floyd asks Richard about Emily, and the men agree that their wives used to be such great friends, so it would be great if they all got together for dinner again, even Digger, so that the women could catch up, and it'd be great if it was this Friday night, when Emily hosts it. Ah, the impromptu dinner party. They may have stopped teaching us how to handle this in high school, but it might be nice to have it as an elective in college. Because these days the impromptu dinner party guests include one vegan, one allergic to shellfish, two who hate onions, and one who doesn't like "weird foods." Floyd leaves, and Richard is giddy to find out that Floyd wants to mend fences.
“ CuteDean tells her he needs money for 'life.' He adds, 'Things.' Rory asks what kind of things he needs. Why, Rory -- are you going to have your grandparents buy whatever it is for him, like you do? ”
Cut to Emily's, where Digger, Emily, and Richard are excitedly discussing the dinner while Richard and Digger make themselves sandwiches. Emily wants all of the details. Digger thinks Floyd's friendliness is a very good sign. Richard and Digger recap how the deal went down, so impressed with Floyd's style. Emily realizes that with Lorelai, Rory, Digger, Floyd, his wife, Richard, and herself, there's an uneven table. She says she'll work around that. "Floyd wants peace," says Richard. "So it seems," Digger agrees. And if you were paying attention, that's the first time in that house someone made his or her own food.
CuteDean surprises Rory at her dorm. He stands in the doorway like Superman. "Surprise!" he says. He hauls in the bookcase. Rory sees Glenn struggling on the staircase, trying with all his might to haul a keg upstairs. CuteDean offers to help, but Rory knows that the beer tastes sweeter if you did the work yourself. She says there's a good party Friday night, and that's what the beer must be for. CuteDean asks her if she's going, looking like he's hoping for an invite. Rory has two papers (and dinner at Emily's), so she's going to catch a "brewski" in Stars Hollow. That's a dry county, if I've ever seen one. CuteDean laughs at Rory's joke, so impressed with her...who knows why he still likes her after all this time.
In Rory's room, CuteDean tells Rory the story of the bookcase. Not only did it not fit at the Dragonfly, it doesn't fit here, either. Rory watches CuteDean look around. He realizes that the dorm room is small. He asks why Lorelai would have suggested this place. Rory says that Lorelai knew her daughter had books, and that's about where the thought process stopped. Maybe that common area has some room. Emily certainly found places for all kinds of furniture. CuteDean says he'll take back the bookcase. Rory apologizes for his making the trip. CuteDean says it was great to see where she lived. Quiet moment. Rory asks CuteDean if he's on his way back to school (Yeah, I thought it was Saturday, too). CuteDean admits that he's kind of not going to school these days, taking a semester or two off to earn extra money. "Extra money for what?" asks Little Miss Nosy. CuteDean tells her he needs it for "life." He adds, "Things." Rory asks what kind of things he needs. Why, Rory -- are you going to have your grandparents buy whatever it is for him, like you do? CuteDean says that Lindsay has her heart set on having a townhouse by the end of the year. CuteDean says that they're cramped where they live now, so he thinks it's a good idea. Rory makes a pissy face and says, "I don't." I can't even imagine Rory, who doesn't want to make waves with even the most evil of people, would get all up in CuteDean's business here. She never even got involved in Jess's family dramas, and now here she is telling CuteDean how to run his marriage. It's out of character, but it's forgiven in order to have these two actually doing something this season. And what they do here is fight. Loud and long, about how Rory thinks it's a horrible idea because people who drop out usually don't go back to school. CuteDean says he'll go back. "I hope so," Rory says, all sanctimoniously. "Have some faith, will you?" CuteDean asks. Rory says that this is a mistake. CuteDean says that he's married, and that he has responsibilities: "I need the money!" Rory asks if the townhouse can wait. CuteDean yells at Rory to lighten up, which isn't really the right line here, but fine. Rory says again that this is a bad idea. CuteDean says that graduating from college doesn't guarantee you a job anymore. Well.... Rory can't believe that CuteDean's not going to go back to college, but would rather work in construction. CuteDean asks Rory if she's getting all elitist on him now. Rory says that they're friends, and that means she should be able to get all up in his business. "You should go to school," Rory says with a bit of a laugh, which is so condescending. CuteDean says she's now told him that three times: "I get it. You don't need to tell me again. Okay?" They stand there quietly for a little while. CuteDean takes the bookcase and leaves. La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
“ Joe says that he's Jewish, and therefore he's not sure if he's allowed to find Easter eggs. Joe looks like if Perry Farrell made the opposite of every decision in his life. ”
Put on your townie crazy pants, because it's crazy townie time! They have gathered in the square to find all of the rotten eggs. Taylor gives a speech, letting everyone know that. But you already know that, so I can skip this part of the dialogue. Fifty-nine rotting Easter eggs. Kirk didn't make a map. Taylor repeats that fact a second time, making me giggle. Taylor offers everyone a thank-you by getting 5% off lunch at Doose's Market: "Twenty percent for our day-old sushi." What a guy. Kirk applauds. Nobody else does. Whenever I start to think that Los Angeles isn't that weird a place to live, and that people blow it all out of proportion, I think about how the 7-Eleven on my street sells sushi. How effin' gross is that, people? Sushi a the 7-Eleven. A place where I find the cinnamon rolls questionable. Where even the Slurpees are a bit suspect. Raw fish and lottery tickets. Who could ask for anything more? Gypsy asks what's up with the toupee. Taylor says it's not a toupee. Gypsy says that makes her blonde and leggy. Joe says that he's Jewish, and therefore he's not sure if he's allowed to find Easter eggs. Joe looks like if Perry Farrell made the opposite of every decision in his life. Jackson asks, "Toupee guy says what?" Taylor: "What?" Townies: giggle. Kirk rats Jackson out. Taylor says that he'll keep a running total of found eggs if everyone reports back to him. The townies begin to hunt as Kirk shouts, "We won't let you down, Taylor! Because not only are we gonna find twenty eggs within the hour, but we're gonna go on to find twenty-five! And then thirty! And then thirty-five! And then forty! And then forty-five! And then fifty! Until we find all fifty-nine and take back the square! YeeeeeaAHHH!" Hee. ["Eh. That bit is so February." -- Wing Chun] Everybody stares. Jackson asks, "Hurt your throat?" "Very badly," Kirk admits. Joe finds an egg. Kirk congratulates him.
Digger tells Lorelai that dinner's ready when his cow timer moos. Lorelai seems impressed. Digger must have bought that timer just for her, hoping one day she'd pick up a spatula herself. Don't hold your breath, Digger. Lorelai has just watered a plant. I'd never buy that Digger has plastic pots. Lorelai jams the plant under a staircase, asking if that's a good place for it. Digger explains that plants need light, hence the "photo" part of "photosynthesize." Lorelai asks if some plants just "synthesize." Herbie Hancock plants do. (Sorry.) Digger says that the plants really need the "photo" part. Lorelai says none of her plants did. Digger asks if any of them lived. Lorelai realizes that they didn't. She gasps: "Insight!" Lorelai asks Digger if he's ready for Friday. Digger says he still speaks with his mom, but that he hasn't talked to Floyd much since "The Great Schism." He says it's not that Harry Chapin isn't dying to rise from the grave and write a song about them. He admits he's a little nervous of the upcoming dinner. He knows Floyd will call him "Digger," which he hates. His parents have also hated every girl Digger's ever brought to meet them. One time, they even set him up with a girl they loved, but once Digger was interested, they turned on her: "Viciously. She moved to Alaska." Lorelai says that this is only making her nervous. Digger reminds her that his parents don't know Digger and Lorelai are seeing each other, so that won't be a problem. Lorelai says that they'll find out eventually. Digger tells her to pre-empt their gathering hatred. Lorelai says that they could hate her retroactively. Digger admits that that has happened. Yeah, you already told us the story, Digger. Lorelai puts the plant on a chair, saying it's not a very comfortable chair. Digger says he'll get a new chair. He says that her nervousness has made him less nervous. The cow moos. Lorelai pouts.