A flurry of "la"s float us down to Jackson, Sookie, Davey, and Lorelai enjoying breakfast at Luke's. Lorelai feeds Davey using the old Airplane Technique. Jackson wonders what they said to kids before airplanes were invented. "'Here comes the choo-choo,'" Sookie guesses. And before trains? Lorelai: "'Here comes the spoon.'" Luke grumps over and rushes through Air Lorelai's final descent. "I don't like babies," he gruffs. Jackson stands up and shouts, "Hey!" He is then shocked at how violently protective he just got. Luke explains that he hates the noise babies make. I'm with ya, Luke. Lorelai says that the baby hasn't made a peep. Luke knows that Davey will, and that it'll be at the worst possible time. Lorelai asks if that would be when Luke's defusing a bomb. Sookie gasps, "That would be awkward." I would like to take a quick break here to ask people to stop taking their babies and young children to inappropriate movies. Your four-year-old is distracting me during Dawn of the Dead because all I can imagine is his trauma. Same for Freddy Vs. Jason, Kill Bill Vol. 2, and The Matrix Reloaded. Are you trying to raise a serial killer? Get a sitter! Luke tells Lorelai she's got one minute to order and six minutes to eat. Lorelai writes the new motto for Luke's: "Eat it, then beat it."
Taylor wanders in, all jaunty and happy, fresh from his almost full-season hiatus. There's something different about Taylor. It's not just his tan from his "vacation." It's the chunk of thick, black, fake hair on top of his head. Lorelai, Sookie, and Jackson don't even try to hide their giggles and judgment. Taylor asks Lorelai if she's ever been to the Caribbean. Lorelai, distracted by the Sharpie-colored toupee, asks him to repeat the question. He does. She's still distracted, and asks him to repeat it again. Still not getting through to her brain, Taylor moves on to Luke to observe that there's an odor in the street and that he assumes it's coming from the diner. Taylor says that the smell wasn't around when he left for the Caribbean, so he doesn't know where else it could be emanating from. Luke suggests that he try looking underneath that thing on his head. Taylor says he's just coming his hair differently. Luke thinks that combing it would loosen the glue. Jackson admits that he smelled something bad as well, but that it wasn't by the diner. It was across the "st-hair." Sookie says she smelled it by the "Hairstand. Uh! Newsstand." Some random guy says he smelled it by Gypsy's. Taylor wonders how the whole town can smell. Lorelai says that it is an old town -- two hundred years old. Taylor says that they might have skunks again. "I think you're right, Taylor!" Kirk shouts from the back of the diner. Taylor explains that they had skunks ten years ago. They crawled under houses and died and the town smelled for weeks. How could Taylor be the only one of them who remembers something so foul? I wasn't even there and I can imagine the smell right now. Kirk congratulates Taylor on coming up with the solution. Taylor says he's got to mobilize the community, since this has to be dealt with before the upcoming flower show. Kirk says he'll go door to door and make sure every person looks under his or her house: "I'll even knock some heads together. Get medieval on their ass." Taylor leaves, and Luke demands Lorelai's order. Sookie asks Jackson to get violently protective again, so Luke backs off. But Jackson isn't sure he can summon that again. He tries, standing halfway up with a shaken fist, shouting, "Iiiiii-rreeeee-Luke!" before sitting back down. Luke: "In five minutes, you're all gone." Luke leaves. Jackson's sad that he let the girls down. He says he'll practice more. Lorelai tells everyone to hurry up and read their menus. We fade to opening credits.
Dragonfly. Lorelai and Sookie are making Michel and CuteDean carry a bookcase around the lobby, trying to fit it in a spot. It's too big, much to the amusement of GrumpyTom, who didn't have this particular item cleared through him. Michel is furious that he's hurting his cuticles hauling this piece of wood back and forth, but CuteDean takes all the heavy lifting in stride. Michel asks Lorelai if she has any other places she'd like them to carry the bookcase: "Maybe to the Lincoln Memorial, in his giant lap?" The delivery is awesome, and it's one of those lines that keeps me giggling long after it's been said. Michel quits when they suggest moving it by the front desk, so CuteDean carries it all by himself. CuteDean's hair has reached mushroom proportions, and somebody has to be fired because of it. Seriously. The kid's cute. Quit making him look like he can't read. Lorelai decides to send her thousand-dollar bookcase over to Rory at Yale. Because dorm rooms are so spacious. Enter Lindsay, who is so peripheral that they always have to go, "Hey, Lindsay!" every time she's in a scene so we know who the tall blonde is, and don't mistake her for Janet. Lindsay asks Michel if he's okay, since he's standing funny. Michel explains that this is how you stand in the pants he's wearing. I love Michel. CuteDean gives Lindsay some keys, and they flirt by the staircase as Lorelai and Sookie gush over how perfect they are for each other -- how they "float" around each other. Michel pouts that the Deans of the world always get the Lindsays, and that the "pretty little things" end up lifting bookcases. Michel has a bit of a freak-out over the bookcase, wishing it had never been born. GrumpyTom says that if the bookcase had been ordered through him, Michel wouldn't be experiencing this psychological trauma.
Friday-night dinner. There is no need for me to transcribe verbatim this incredibly long rant Lorelai goes on at the top of this scene. Just know that Lorelai wonders where all the anvils are -- the anvils that were apparently so common in the old days that they put them into cartoons as punchlines. How have they all just disappeared? When Richard suggests that they have all been melted down, Lorelai reminds him that the entire point of anvils was that they withstood melting-point temperatures. Emily says that this is easily the most pointless conversation they've ever had. And there've been two minutes too much of it. The point is, we've been complaining all season that nothing has happened. "Where are all the anvils?" we might have been asking. We're about to find out where they've been suspended for seventeen episodes. Richard says that he and Digger have big news. "You're pregnant?" Lorelai asks. Richard doesn't even take a breath to acknowledge her guess. He says that they're acquiring a company. It's a one-man operation run by someone named Bob Sutton. They're acquiring his company, which is him. "Did he have to give himself two weeks' notice?" Lorelai asks. "Is there going to be a sad little going-away party where he brings in his own cake and blows out his own candles?" Richard says that they're having a dinner the day, with the wives. Emily groans that Bob's fine, but that she hates his trophy wife: "Her car looks just like Barbie's!" Richard tells Emily to focus on Bob, because he's brilliant. He's a Rhodes Scholar. "Ask him where the anvils went!" Lorelai beams. Everybody gives Lorelai that look.
Taylor's shoppe. An elderly woman compliments Taylor on his healthy glow. He says it's from his Caribbean cruise. She says it's probably just the fake hair. Kirk has entered the shoppe, looking uncomfortable. Taylor asks what's wrong. Kirk accidentally touches the candy. Taylor is irritated, and tells Kirk to get to the point. The point is: it's eggs. The smell. Kirk hid the Easter eggs, but not all of them were found, and the smell is probably eggs rotting because Kirk didn't make the egg map -- the apparently legendary egg map that tells where all of the eggs are hidden, and so there are fifty-nine rotting eggs still hidden in the square. Taylor is livid. "I find your hair very believable," Kirk says as he follows Taylor out of the store.
What's funny about this swooping golf shot here is that the first time I saw it I thought, "Why are they making such an obvious camera move here so that I think about how this scene was filmed? Why such swooping and pushing in with drama just to show Richard teeing off?" In about forty-five minutes, there will be an answer to that. Digger compliments Richard's shot. When Bob comes up to agree, for a second I think that Dan Castellaneta is playing the role. But it's not, it's just a look-alike. Bob couldn't possibly have a trophy wife with those clothes. If there's one thing a trophy wife does, it's shop and dress her husband. Two things. Homeboy's wearing a sweater that looks like a Q-Bert puzzle with a very pink collared shirt underneath. The CuteDean-looking caddie makes a club recommendation to Digger, who plays golf about as well as I do. (I've never played.) Digger asks for whatever club is going to make him look less like Dorf. Bob tells Richard that his wife is very excited about the merger. Digger swings and completely misses. Richard and Bob laugh loudly as Digger stands there, trying to have a shred of dignity. Richard says it's hard to know whether Digger should yell "fore" or "duck." Digger wishes businessmen did deals over air hockey, because he's great at that. Floyd, Digger's father, rounds the hill and walks over to the men. "One of the many hazards on this golf course," Digger notes. Floyd shakes Digger's hand and says that the groundskeeper must be unhappy to see him today. Digger agrees he produces a lot of divots. Floyd pulls Richard away. I know everybody thinks women talk in strange circles, but businessmen are much weirder. Floyd asks Richard about Emily, and the men agree that their wives used to be such great friends, so it would be great if they all got together for dinner again, even Digger, so that the women could catch up, and it'd be great if it was this Friday night, when Emily hosts it. Ah, the impromptu dinner party. They may have stopped teaching us how to handle this in high school, but it might be nice to have it as an elective in college. Because these days the impromptu dinner party guests include one vegan, one allergic to shellfish, two who hate onions, and one who doesn't like "weird foods." Floyd leaves, and Richard is giddy to find out that Floyd wants to mend fences.
Cut to Emily's, where Digger, Emily, and Richard are excitedly discussing the dinner while Richard and Digger make themselves sandwiches. Emily wants all of the details. Digger thinks Floyd's friendliness is a very good sign. Richard and Digger recap how the deal went down, so impressed with Floyd's style. Emily realizes that with Lorelai, Rory, Digger, Floyd, his wife, Richard, and herself, there's an uneven table. She says she'll work around that. "Floyd wants peace," says Richard. "So it seems," Digger agrees. And if you were paying attention, that's the first time in that house someone made his or her own food.
CuteDean surprises Rory at her dorm. He stands in the doorway like Superman. "Surprise!" he says. He hauls in the bookcase. Rory sees Glenn struggling on the staircase, trying with all his might to haul a keg upstairs. CuteDean offers to help, but Rory knows that the beer tastes sweeter if you did the work yourself. She says there's a good party Friday night, and that's what the beer must be for. CuteDean asks her if she's going, looking like he's hoping for an invite. Rory has two papers (and dinner at Emily's), so she's going to catch a "brewski" in Stars Hollow. That's a dry county, if I've ever seen one. CuteDean laughs at Rory's joke, so impressed with her...who knows why he still likes her after all this time.
In Rory's room, CuteDean tells Rory the story of the bookcase. Not only did it not fit at the Dragonfly, it doesn't fit here, either. Rory watches CuteDean look around. He realizes that the dorm room is small. He asks why Lorelai would have suggested this place. Rory says that Lorelai knew her daughter had books, and that's about where the thought process stopped. Maybe that common area has some room. Emily certainly found places for all kinds of furniture. CuteDean says he'll take back the bookcase. Rory apologizes for his making the trip. CuteDean says it was great to see where she lived. Quiet moment. Rory asks CuteDean if he's on his way back to school (Yeah, I thought it was Saturday, too). CuteDean admits that he's kind of not going to school these days, taking a semester or two off to earn extra money. "Extra money for what?" asks Little Miss Nosy. CuteDean tells her he needs it for "life." He adds, "Things." Rory asks what kind of things he needs. Why, Rory -- are you going to have your grandparents buy whatever it is for him, like you do? CuteDean says that Lindsay has her heart set on having a townhouse by the end of the year. CuteDean says that they're cramped where they live now, so he thinks it's a good idea. Rory makes a pissy face and says, "I don't." I can't even imagine Rory, who doesn't want to make waves with even the most evil of people, would get all up in CuteDean's business here. She never even got involved in Jess's family dramas, and now here she is telling CuteDean how to run his marriage. It's out of character, but it's forgiven in order to have these two actually doing something this season. And what they do here is fight. Loud and long, about how Rory thinks it's a horrible idea because people who drop out usually don't go back to school. CuteDean says he'll go back. "I hope so," Rory says, all sanctimoniously. "Have some faith, will you?" CuteDean asks. Rory says that this is a mistake. CuteDean says that he's married, and that he has responsibilities: "I need the money!" Rory asks if the townhouse can wait. CuteDean yells at Rory to lighten up, which isn't really the right line here, but fine. Rory says again that this is a bad idea. CuteDean says that graduating from college doesn't guarantee you a job anymore. Well.... Rory can't believe that CuteDean's not going to go back to college, but would rather work in construction. CuteDean asks Rory if she's getting all elitist on him now. Rory says that they're friends, and that means she should be able to get all up in his business. "You should go to school," Rory says with a bit of a laugh, which is so condescending. CuteDean says she's now told him that three times: "I get it. You don't need to tell me again. Okay?" They stand there quietly for a little while. CuteDean takes the bookcase and leaves. La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Put on your townie crazy pants, because it's crazy townie time! They have gathered in the square to find all of the rotten eggs. Taylor gives a speech, letting everyone know that. But you already know that, so I can skip this part of the dialogue. Fifty-nine rotting Easter eggs. Kirk didn't make a map. Taylor repeats that fact a second time, making me giggle. Taylor offers everyone a thank-you by getting 5% off lunch at Doose's Market: "Twenty percent for our day-old sushi." What a guy. Kirk applauds. Nobody else does. Whenever I start to think that Los Angeles isn't that weird a place to live, and that people blow it all out of proportion, I think about how the 7-Eleven on my street sells sushi. How effin' gross is that, people? Sushi a the 7-Eleven. A place where I find the cinnamon rolls questionable. Where even the Slurpees are a bit suspect. Raw fish and lottery tickets. Who could ask for anything more? Gypsy asks what's up with the toupee. Taylor says it's not a toupee. Gypsy says that makes her blonde and leggy. Joe says that he's Jewish, and therefore he's not sure if he's allowed to find Easter eggs. Joe looks like if Perry Farrell made the opposite of every decision in his life. Jackson asks, "Toupee guy says what?" Taylor: "What?" Townies: giggle. Kirk rats Jackson out. Taylor says that he'll keep a running total of found eggs if everyone reports back to him. The townies begin to hunt as Kirk shouts, "We won't let you down, Taylor! Because not only are we gonna find twenty eggs within the hour, but we're gonna go on to find twenty-five! And then thirty! And then thirty-five! And then forty! And then forty-five! And then fifty! Until we find all fifty-nine and take back the square! YeeeeeaAHHH!" Hee. ["Eh. That bit is so February." -- Wing Chun] Everybody stares. Jackson asks, "Hurt your throat?" "Very badly," Kirk admits. Joe finds an egg. Kirk congratulates him.
Digger tells Lorelai that dinner's ready when his cow timer moos. Lorelai seems impressed. Digger must have bought that timer just for her, hoping one day she'd pick up a spatula herself. Don't hold your breath, Digger. Lorelai has just watered a plant. I'd never buy that Digger has plastic pots. Lorelai jams the plant under a staircase, asking if that's a good place for it. Digger explains that plants need light, hence the "photo" part of "photosynthesize." Lorelai asks if some plants just "synthesize." Herbie Hancock plants do. (Sorry.) Digger says that the plants really need the "photo" part. Lorelai says none of her plants did. Digger asks if any of them lived. Lorelai realizes that they didn't. She gasps: "Insight!" Lorelai asks Digger if he's ready for Friday. Digger says he still speaks with his mom, but that he hasn't talked to Floyd much since "The Great Schism." He says it's not that Harry Chapin isn't dying to rise from the grave and write a song about them. He admits he's a little nervous of the upcoming dinner. He knows Floyd will call him "Digger," which he hates. His parents have also hated every girl Digger's ever brought to meet them. One time, they even set him up with a girl they loved, but once Digger was interested, they turned on her: "Viciously. She moved to Alaska." Lorelai says that this is only making her nervous. Digger reminds her that his parents don't know Digger and Lorelai are seeing each other, so that won't be a problem. Lorelai says that they'll find out eventually. Digger tells her to pre-empt their gathering hatred. Lorelai says that they could hate her retroactively. Digger admits that that has happened. Yeah, you already told us the story, Digger. Lorelai puts the plant on a chair, saying it's not a very comfortable chair. Digger says he'll get a new chair. He says that her nervousness has made him less nervous. The cow moos. Lorelai pouts.
Lane's cameo. Don't blink! She and Rory walk through the square as Lane lectures. She says that there was once a Death to Disco movement, and that it's high time to have another one of those movements for some popular music of today, like "phony rappers, most techno, alt country, Christian rock, anything fusion, classic alternative rock when they only play the same Nirvana song over and over. The Rubens. The Clays. The Clarksons." Lane then explains AGAIN why everybody's searching for Easter eggs. Rory can't believe they didn't make a map. What good is her subscription to the Stars Hollow Gazette, anyway?
Kirk, Taylor, and Joe walk past. Kirk tells Taylor that they found three more eggs. Taylor wants Joe to give him the report. Joe says that they found three more. Taylor says that more than half the eggs are still missing, and that people are giving up every minute. They find Jackson and Gypsy getting some eggs down from a tree. Kirk says, "The others I hid for the delight of the children. These I hid for me." Taylor says they're losing men and -- "Hair!" Gypsy and Jackson cheer. "Time," says Taylor. But Jackson and Gypsy are busy shouting "Jinx!" at each other. Taylor stomps off, missing the Caribbean.
Doose's Market. Lane and Rory shop. Rory asks what they're looking for. Lane says that she and her roommates don't have a fridge, stove, or microwave, so they can't get anything perishable or that needs to be cooked. Is Rory buying Lane groceries? Also: can't someone give poor Lane a microwave? Damn. Also also: why doesn't Rory stay at Lane's at least once in her life? Doose's Market must be arranged alphabetically, because the girls then get protein bars, pretzels, and Pop Tarts. Rory tells Lane about CuteDean's visit to her place (when he pawned off that bookcase on her in the process). Rory says that Dean's wasting his life, and that he can do so much more. Rory says she's really more upset with Lindsay for being so selfish. "Women," Lane grunts. Rory: "She's his wife. She should be encouraging him to go to school and think about his future, but no! She needs a townhouse and a Rolls Royce." They need a place to live, Rory. And if they buy something in the Connecticut real estate market when they're that young, old Dean's not going to have to work construction for much longer. The only people I know who are wealthy in Connecticut build houses in Connecticut and then sell them to people. For lots and lots and lots of money. Rory and Lane continue walking down the aisle as Rory complains that Dean didn't even seem excited about it. "It's just Lindsay," she snots. "I mean, why doesn't she get a job? What does she do all day?" Apparently, what she does is go grocery shopping for her hardworking husband, because when Rory and Lane turn a corner, they're standing face to face with the tallest blonde in Stars Hollow. She stares at Rory for a second, and then turns and leaves. Rory quietly asks Lane if she thinks Lindsay heard her. Damn, no catfight.
Luke's. A very weathered, beaten, exhausted Kirk wanders into the diner. Luke asks him if he wants something. "Why?" Kirk asks. Luke says that people usually get things when they're in the diner. Kirk whines that he's been up for a day and a half, something he hasn't done since the Petticoat Junction marathon in '97. Taylor walks in and orders a turkey sandwich. Kirk shouts that they're going to find those last twelve eggs. Taylor ignores Kirk and pays Luke, saying he'll wait outside for the order. Oh, it's so sad, isn't it? Their first real lovers' spat. Taylor shouts at Kirk that he's had enough: "You're not satisfied that I'm suffering for what you've done to this town. You have to personally continue to torture me?" Ain't love grand? Kirk whimpers that they'll find the twelve. "We won't find the twelve," says Taylor. "You have brought disaster down upon us. Are you happy?" Kirk: "No." Taylor says he left Kirk in charge because he thought he could trust Kirk, but now Taylor will have to cancel the flower show. This is too much for Kirk. Taylor says that they have to find every last egg in order not to have to cancel the flower show, and Joe just left for Kabbalah class. "I have no men left," says Taylor. Kirk: "You have me left." Taylor stares at Kirk and repeats, "I have no men left." Taylor leaves, saying he's lost his appetite. Luke watches all of this from behind the counter, and sees the devastated look on Kirk's face.
Emily's, out back. Lorelai and Rory enter. Emily asks if it's too cold. It's not. Richard and Emily are fretting over everything, making sure it's perfect before Floyd shows up. Digger tells Lorelai that they keep moving everything around: the drink cart, the heater, Digger. He says he was over there earlier: "It's like watching an ant farm." Lorelai says that everything looks great. Emily asks where that "awful light" is coming from. Rory says she thinks it's the moon. Emily realizes that the moon will move on its own at some point. She tells Lorelai that she looks nice: "Why do you look so nice?" Lorelai says she knew this evening was important to them. Doorbell. Emily leaves, calling to Richard. Rory tells Lorelai that she does look especially nice tonight. Lorelai says it's not like she's always in dirty sweats, fresh from slopping the pigs. Rory says Lorelai's without her usual just-came-from-work look. Digger tells Rory that Lorelai's a little nervous. Rory realizes that they're meeting the parents tonight: "That's why you showered." Lorelai says that's not why she showered.
Floyd and Carol make their entrance, full of friendly cheer and compliments. Richard introduces Floyd to Rory and Lorelai, even though he technically saw them at that function a few months ago. Lorelai says that they met a long time ago. Carol tells Lorelai that she hopes she didn't get so dressed up for the Stiles' benefit. Richard offers everyone drinks. Emily brings in a tray of food. Carol compliments the patio. Emily skips off with Carol to look at trees. Rory, Lorelai, Digger, and Floyd take a seat as Floyd tries to remember when they last saw Lorelai. It was at camp. Floyd remembers the talent show, where Lorelai sang a duet with a pimply-faced fellow. "Craterface Cutler!" Lorelai remembers. Digger says he's a litigator now: "Very bitter man." Floyd tells Lorelai that she was charming. Lorelai sang "Summer Lovin'" with Craterface. Lorelai says that Digger cha-cha'ed. Digger thanks her for bringing that up. Rory thanks her for never sending her to camp. Lorelai says that Digger and his dance partner knocked heads. "Clubfoot Cindy," Digger remembers. "She married Craterface Cutler. Beautiful children." Richard brings out the drinks, save for Rory's soda, so she runs in to get it. Floyd discusses his barbershop quartet back in Yale, in which he was the weakest singer. Floyd says he's got a story he's been dying to tell Richard for some time, about a friend of theirs from school -- Herb Benson. Floyd says he'll tell Richard later. Richard and Floyd carry drinks down to Emily and Carol. Lorelai and Digger smile, watching the parents all get along with each other. Lorelai compares it to a Marx Brothers reunion. Rory enters and tells Emily that Elsa said dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. Emily asks if Elsa also had Rory do some vacuuming. Floyd and Richard tease Emily about the number of maids she's gone through. Digger tells Lorelai that Digger is in an incredibly good mood tonight, since he's only said two passive-aggressive things so far, which is an astounding record. Digger says he'd like to be the fourteenth person to tell Lorelai she looks great tonight. "It's the shower," says Lorelai. "I gotta try that more often." Digger and Lorelai watch their parents chat.
Carol is showing Emily photos of her grandchildren, who are just taking their first steps. So does that mean Digger's got siblings? Richard and Floyd are looking at another photo of the child, talking about how big he'll be one day. Lorelai shows Digger a picture of him holding his nephew very lovingly. Digger says he'd just told the baby he opened a mutual fund for him. Emily says she has great pictures of Rory and should go get them. Rory says she's right there. "I know, but you're so big now," says Emily. Hee. Rory asks if she may be excused, since she's got a lot of schoolwork to do tonight. Carol thanks Rory for not looking "too" bored all night. Rory says it was fun, and kisses her parents goodnight. Emily asks Lorelai if she has to go, too. Lorelai says that she and Rory came separately. Floyd and Carol compliment Rory. Richard says that this is the time for those who are so inclined to go enjoy a cigar. "All right, let's fire 'em up!" shouts Lorelai. Richard amends his statement, adding that he only meant the men: "But would you like a cigar?" Lorelai says that the guys can go pound their chests, circling the fire. The men leave. Emily says that they should let Elsa clean up so that she can keep her job, and that they should retire to the living room. Emily offers to pour brandy, and the ladies jump from their chairs. Carol says that this evening has been wonderful: "The two of us together again." They link arms as Carol says they shouldn't let anything come between them again, like the horrible business stuff that tore them apart before. Emily says that all of that ugliness is in the past now, so they don't have to worry. "Yes," Carol says guardedly.
Dark manly room where men do manly things, like talk cigars, Port, business, mergers, Mustangs, whatever. Digger, Floyd, and Richard puff cigars, talking about the cigar boom, when everybody pretended to know what they were talking about, and how Port and cigars were crappy back then, harvested green just to keep up with the demand. Richard says he couldn't get Hennessey's to put aside some cigars for him, even after he'd been a customer of theirs for twenty years, so he bypassed them, finding their supplier. He swooped in and bought all of his favorites in bulk: "Hundreds of boxes. Cash. On the barrel." So Hennessey's couldn't get them. Richard had too many to smoke in three lifetimes, so he offered to sell them to Hennessey's: "They leapt at it like dogs for a bone." And he made enough to pay for the boxes he kept. "You're creative, Richard," says Digger. "It's one of your many strengths." Floyd says that it's Richard's main strength. Richard asks why an insurance man can't be creative. Floyd says that the insurance business isn't dry or wooden, full of automatons shuffling around papers. "It's life and death, what we do. It's a new drama every day. It's almost Shakespearean." Richard offers: "Richard III. Macbeth." Floyd says it takes courage, tenacity, and a little vengeance. "And that's all before lunch," Richard agrees. "I love my dick," Floyd says. "It works good and ladies like it." "I like my dick," Richard says. "It works hard and is respectable and has gotten me through life." "I don't have much of a dick," Digger admits, "but I'm willing to take any dick you two would offer me."
Floyd says that their work is wonderful. He's always felt protective of it: "Protective of what I have." Digger: "I think my cigar's out." Floyd: "That's why I'm suing you." Richard looks up. "Dad," says Digger. "You're joking," says Richard. Floyd says that he's suing Richard's company, and that his lawyers will be contacting Richard Monday morning: "You didn't think I'd let Digger walk away with some of my oldest clients and not respond, did you? Are you that naive?" Digger says that this is crazy. Floyd reminds Digger that he signed a non-compete clause with Floyd. Digger says he didn't break that contract. Richard says that he studied the contacts and that he and Digger stayed away from the clients who were off-limits. Floyd brings up Alexander Bonds. Digger says that was a social lunch, and that Floyd has no case. Floyd says that it doesn't matter, because by the time the courts have sorted this out, Richard will be buried in legal fees. Floyd knows Richard's financial situation, and knows he can't survive a hit like that. Richard realizes that this is just revenge. "Are we stooping that low?" Floyd says that Richard just described how strongly he felt about a bunch of cigars: "How did you think I was going to feel about my business?" Digger realizes that Floyd must have a private investigator tailing him. Floyd says that this whole business is distasteful, but that he had to do what he had to do: "What Richard Gilmore would do." He stands up to leave. Digger shouts that Floyd has to call this off, saying "Dad" instead of "Floyd" now. Floyd apologizes to Richard for not getting to that anecdote he'd promised: "Maybe some other time." Richard stares at Digger, who jumps up to follow Floyd out of the room, begging him to reconsider.
Emily is telling Carol the story of Rory's cotillion, but Carol and Emily would have still been friends back then, right? Richard didn't have a falling-out with the company in the first season, did he? ["The cotillion was in the second season." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Carol stands up the second she hears the men arguing, clearly knowing just what was going on in there. "I should get my purse," she says. Floyd, Digger, and Richard storm into the room as Floyd tells Emily that they have to go. "It's too late, Jason," Carol tells her son. Richard says that he and Digger are prepared for a fight, and that they have the money for it. Floyd says that's because Richard put his pension into the business as collateral. "It's a small community, our community," Floyd says, telling Richard that endangering his future like that is reckless. Digger asks which private investigator was tailing him. Floyd says he hired the best, which is how he found out that Lorelai and Digger were dating. "That's not true," says Emily. Richard and Emily stare at Lorelai, who is still trying to catch her breath. Floyd apologizes for spoiling Digger's secret. Floyd and Carol leave. Digger tells Richard and Emily that this isn't going to happen, and runs after his parents. For the thirty seconds, Richard, Emily and Lorelai stand in silence, with just the sound of piano in the background. Digger enters again, and Richard pulls him into the office to talk. Emily tells Lorelai that there's no need for her to stay. Lorelai says her car's blocked in. "Oh," Emily says, and then walks away. Lorelai stands alone.
Digger tells Richard that he has every right to be angry. Richard says that he certainly does, to be humiliated like this in his own home. He asks Digger how he didn't see this coming. Digger says that Floyd never shows his hand -- that he sweet-talked them on the golf course. Richard asks Digger if he's done anything illegal -- anything at all. Digger swears that he didn't; his lunch with Alex was strictly social because they're friends, and he's not stupid enough to do anything illegal, nor to think that he could get anything illegal past Richard. He says he pushes boundaries, but that he never crosses them. Richard asks how long Digger's been seeing Lorelai. "Five months," he admits. "For five months you've been lying to me," says Richard. Digger: "Yes." To Digger's credit, here, he doesn't just rat out Lorelai as the reason he's been lying about their relationship. He says it was a timing issue, and that they didn't want to complicate Richard's relationship with Digger, particularly since they didn't know if it would last, so they took the wrong path. He apologizes. Richard says Digger has a lot to be sorry about. I'm not sure why, but okay. "My damned father," Digger whispers. Digger says he should have seen this coming. Richard says he also should have. Digger says he can make this go away. He knows it has to be a bluff: "He hates giving money to lawyers." He says they'll countersue with a wrongful lawsuit, making Floyd pay: "And I will do anything to win back your trust, Richard. You've been so good to me. Please. Let me try." Richard says Digger's got his trust: "Go get him." Digger thanks Richard profusely, adding that he'll work on his golf game to get it up to snuff so that he stops embarrassing Richard around the greens. Richard chuckles. "Do that." Digger thanks him again and leaves.
Lorelai is trying to get her car out of the driveway. Digger says he's got the largest bottle of vodka known to man at his place. "But what will you drink?" Lorelai asks. "Gin," Digger answers. Lorelai: "Let's go."
Stars Hollow. Kirk is in a daze, saying, "Gotta get the eggs," over and over again. He's bumping into other townies, causing a scene, scaring old ladies who scare him in return. Kirk's a mess. He falls to the ground. Luke walks up. Kirk says that the flower show is tomorrow and he can't find the last twelve eggs. He let Taylor down -- Taylor, who is like a father to him: "I think he is my father." Luke says he's not. "No, my father's my father," says Kirk. "Which means Taylor's my Taylor." He cries that he let Taylor and the whole town down. Luke drops a baggie full of rotten Easter eggs on the ground: "You picked some screwy places to hide them. Don't do it again." Luke tells Kirk to take the credit for finding the eggs: "Be the hero." Luke walks away as Kirk finds his feet, thanking Luke louder and louder. "I love you, Luke Danes! I love you!" Luke says to himself, "I'm stupid." Kirk keeps shouting his love for Luke, loud and proud, all over the square. "I love Luke Danes! Love! Love!"
Rory is on the longest drive through Stars Hollow ever, listening to "Windy." CuteDean comes running out of an alley, stopping Rory to go, "Come on." Rory just abandons her car. What a weirdly directed scene, from the song to the randomness of CuteDean wandering alleys.
In the alley, CuteDean and Rory run for a bit, for no reason. CuteDean says he was trying to call her cell phone. He's really sorry about their fight: "I was a jerk at your dorm. I yelled." Rory says she's the jerk, and that she shouldn't have hounded him about school like that: "It all came out wrong. It's your life. It's your decision." They argue over who's the asshole. Rory says she thinks school is the best for him, but admits, "It's not up to me." She says she doesn't want him to settle. CuteDean says that sometimes it seems like she's the only one who doesn't want that. Rory says that Lindsay may have overheard her saying stuff at Doose's. CuteDean says that she did. Rory says that Lindsay must have been really upset. CuteDean admits, "Kind of." Rory asks whether Lindsay knows Rory and CuteDean still talk, that they're friends. "She does now," CuteDean says. "She doesn't want me talking to you anymore." Rory says she understands that. "I don't want that to happen," says CuteDean. Rory says she doesn't, either. "Then it's not going to happen," says CuteDean. They stare at each other. Rory says he should get home. CuteDean agrees. He walks past Rory. She watches him go. CuteDean turns around and waves. She waves back. What a weird alley, full of clean trash.
Richard looks at the moon. Emily joins him. She asks if it's true that he put his pension up as collateral. "Are we in trouble?" she asks. Richard smiles that it's going to work out: "It'll be okay." Emily asks if he talked with Digger. "It's going to be okay," he repeats, and hands her a drink. They look at the moon as a John Waters-worthy song begins doo-wopping in the background.
Digger and Lorelai play drunken charades by the enormous vodka bottle. Digger says he's sleepy. Lorelai says that Floyd was terrific until the end. They say it's like falling to your death -- it's fun until the last foot. Digger says that the bright side is that their relationship is out in the open. They toast to no more hiding. Digger says he'll work his magic and everything will be fine: "He and I are going golfing in a couple of days. That always puts him in a good mood." Lorelai sees Digger's dead plant. "How did it die so quickly?" she asks. Digger suggests it might have been self-inflicted. She asks Digger if he's okay: "Am I being enough supportive? Reverse those last two words." Digger says that Floyd's attempt to destroy him has been the first time he's ever gotten any real respect from his father. Lorelai: "Hmm. Cool. Clink." They drink.
Remember that swooping golf shot of Richard taking a swing? Here it is again. But instead of Digger joining his side to complement his shot, this time it's Floyd. "You've always been a closer," says Floyd. Richard asks if they're done with the broad strokes. "I believe so," says Floyd. "I'll drop the lawsuit." Richard says they'll split the clients evenly. Floyd: "You'll come back to the firm. Have your own company under our umbrella." Richard: "And Jason is out." Floyd: "Jason's out. You'll be returning a hero, Richard." Richard says that's music to his ears. He and Floyd walk through the grass as Floyd says that it's a beautiful day today. Richard agrees. They walk off together, and we're left with the sound of chirping birds as we fade to black. So the real question is, when was this scheme cooked up?