Lorelai isn't wearing a warm enough coat for that snowy weather. We open with Lorelai strolling in Stars Hollow as the town prepares for yet another winter wonderland fantasia.
Luke's. It's pretty busy. "Unbelievable!" Lorelai shouts, amazed that her princess table isn't awaiting her royal heiney. Lorelai immediately breaks another rule by whipping out her cell phone to call Rory, who is apparently just standing around in her dorm room, waiting for her mom to call. Lorelai tells Rory that there are no empty tables at Luke's, and that she was hoping Rory had developed mind-control powers to get people to leave. Rory says that if she had those powers, she'd be using them to "play the ponies," and that Lorelai's table would be low on her list. Lorelai calls Rory selfish, and then pulls up a chair at Kirk's table. Surprisingly, she asks, "May I?" to which Kirk responds that he has a girlfriend. Lorelai says she's not flirting with him. "Oh," Kirk says. "Then have a seat." Lorelai sits and then coos, "I love that shirt." Kirk informs her that it's an Arnold Palmer. Lorelai: "That was flirting." Kirk: "Oh, man!"
Lorelai asks Rory how Lane's doing. We see Paris asleep as Rory talks at full volume. She says that Lane's fine, but that she hasn't talked to her mom since "the kick-out." Lane left, right? She wasn't kicked out. I don't consider that a kick-out. Lorelai feels bad for MamaLane, but Rory doesn't, since she kicked out Rory's oftentimes best friend. Lorelai says that MamaLane is probably pretty lonely without Lane. Rory says that Lane's doing well at Yale, and has fallen into a rhythm. Lane runs up at this point, wearing a heavy coat, offering up a bundle of to-go coffees. She's rushing because she's late to wake up Paris. I see. So Lane's now the dorm nanny? Lane shouts for Paris to get up and at 'em. "Die," Paris says. Lane puts Paris's espresso right out of reach. Paris: "Die twice." She must not mean "espresso," because that's a very large cup. Maybe it's an Americano or something. Lorelai asks Rory if Paris was at the professor's last night. Rory says that Paris claims to have been up all night cramming. Lorelai: "Well...she was." Ew! Rory is moved to say, "Ick!" I daresay that's the dirtiest joke this show has ever told. Paris asks what the ick's all about, and whether it's about her. Rory lies and calls Paris paranoid.
At the diner, Luke grumps up, complaining about the "stupid Firelight festival," and how it seems to happen every week. Lorelai orders coffee and a muffin. Luke asks Kirk, "You two an item now?" Kirk insists, "I have a girlfriend." Then Luke delivers the actual dirtiest joke this show has ever told: "Double-dipping. You dog." Ew! Rory asks Lorelai why she's up so early. Lorelai has a quick meeting at the Dragonfly, and is then spending the day with Digger, helping him to find furniture for his office. Lorelai says that Digger's never really seen Stars Hollow.
“ What good hippie freeloader doesn't carry all her shit in a giant bag? She never knows when she has to jam. ”
Luke comes back to the table, so Lorelai tries to hide the cell phone in her hair while Rory attempts to finish her sentence. Luke says hello to Rory, and then asks Kirk how it feels to be a stepdaddy. Rory says it's good thinking for Lorelai to clam up about Digger around Luke, since he's "always had a problem with [her] guys." Lorelai lies, and says that's not why she stopped talking. Paris then gives a couple of whoops and shouts, "Good morning, Vietnam!" Apparently this is her morning espresso ritual, one I think we would have heard of by now if Rory has been living with Paris for three months. Apparently it's a triple espresso, which scares me.
Lorelai tells Rory that there's a rock-n-roll hippie chick getting into an argument with Luke at the counter: "They are rudely out of range." Lorelai tells Kirk to move in and eavesdrop on Luke's argument. Kirk informs all the other patrons in the restaurant that he's only friends with Lorelai. Lorelai goes into overdrive, wondering if she's here to lease one of his apartments, or perhaps she's here to help with the "divorce with Nicole" (still holding onto that dream, eh, Lorelai?). Rory says that the woman might be a friend of Nicole's, or another attorney. Lorelai says that Luke is the most complicated guy she knows who also owns a Doobie Brothers record. Lane leaves Rory's room to wake Tana. Lorelai tells Rory that Luke sent the hippie woman upstairs. Lorelai figures she must be a dominatrix. Rory points out that if the woman wasn't carrying a bag, then she wouldn't have anywhere to put all of her dominatrix gear. What good rock-n-roll hippie freeloader doesn't carry all her shit in a giant bag? She never knows when she has to jam. Lorelai and Rory banter about the dominatrix gear fashioned out of Luke's belongings: fishing pole, Nolan Ryan's rookie card. Rory tells Lorelai to ask Luke who the hippie is. If the girls ever followed that logic, how would we ever have an episode? Lorelai is about to go ask Luke the truth, but stops when she hears him cursing off-camera, banging around pots and pans. By "cursing," I mean the word "crap" is shouted. Lorelai hangs up with Rory and makes a few kissy-faces at Kirk, who is then moved to shout once again, "I have a girlfriend."
Yale. Lane has given Tana a makeover. I guess that means she plucked her eyebrows and put some makeup on her, but it's not really that huge a transformation. She didn't put the girl in better clothes or anything. Rory can't believe how clean it is in the common room. Lane is also now their maid. Tana asks Paris, "How good do I look?" Paris: "Would a comedic answer crush you?" Tana: "Probably." Paris: "Terrif." Lane tells Paris that Tana's gonna knock boys out today. "With what?" Paris asks. "Sheer peculiarity?" Tana's hoping a certain Chester Fleet notices her today. Chester's dad was instrumental in conducting research showing that neurons fired actively during REM sleep, with the exception of nerve cells involved with the transmitter chemicals. Paris says she had forgotten the beginning of that sentence already. I'm with ya, Paris. Rory finally finds the phone, which is on its twentieth ring (no voicemail for these busy gals, I guess). It's Jamie. Is it the same Jamie who was always Jamie? It's been so long since we've seen him, but I thought somehow that Jamie was a blond. Jamie tells Rory he'll be in town for a couple of days, so he'll see her at some point. It appears that Jamie is just outside their dorm. Paris is curt on the phone with Jamie, saying she can't go out tonight, and that the plans the two of them had made were only tentative, written in pencil. She says she's tired, busy with studying, and there's drama in the suite. She says that ("Rory's small-town friend") Lane is a complete mess, and is crashing with them after getting kicked out of her house. She's heavy into the drugs: "Nancy Spungening it. Chasing the dragon." Paris says she needs to be there for support, and that she and Jamie will get together tomorrow. Paris hangs up and responds to the looks Lane and Rory are giving her. She says that Jamie doesn't always respond well to the fact that she has to study. Lane follows Paris out the door, asking what "chasing the dragon" means, and suggesting that perhaps Paris shouldn't spread such rumors about Lane. Rory, full of judgment, watches Paris leave.
“ Lorelai sure does talk baby-talk around Digger. But then again, per Bad Santa, maybe that's just Lauren Graham's flirting voice. ”
Luke tries to drive his truck in the town in which he lives. However, a certain big-city smarmy boy is tailgating, swerving, flashing headlights, and honking. Luke yells for him to take it easy, parks his truck, and declares, "Jerk."
Lorelai checks her clock. She's apparently been dressed and ready to go for hours and hours and hours. She looks out her window and sees the same black car that was chasing Luke. She heads out of her house.
Digger is in the black car, kicked back in a reclined position, taking a conference call with Japanese men. Lorelai knocks on his window, and Digger lowers it. Digger says some insurance-sounding stuff, and throws in the phrase "international laws." Digger apologizes to Lorelai. She asks what happened to taking the morning off. Digger says he does have the morning off. However, Japan doesn't. He asks if she wants to get in the car with him. Lorelai: "With all these Japanese businessmen in the car? Kinky!" And of course, the Japanese businessmen begin repeating the word "kinky." Digger gets off the phone. Lorelai asks if they can take her Jeep, since it can hold more stuff. Digger gets out of his car. They kiss. Lorelai says she's got a fabulous list of places in neighboring Woodbury, and that they'll grab a newspaper to find estate sales, and then hit a few places in Stars Hollow before lunch. Digger asks if there's time for coffee now, since he hasn't had any in hours. What time is it? Lorelai asks what time he got up. "5." Lorelai is amazed that "they have one of those in the morning, too." Digger asks if they can go to the place she's always talking about -- "Duke's." Lorelai tries to blow it off like it's no big deal, that the place is nothing special, and that Luke's/Duke's probably isn't open right now anyway, but Digger insists.
On the way, Digger takes another conference call. Lorelai knows no Dutch, so she can't help. She says she has a picture of people ice skating under a windmill. Digger says he stinks at taking mornings off. They pull up in front of Luke's. Digger sees Luke's truck, and immediately wants to leave. He doesn't want to meet the man he tailgated less than an hour ago. There is much argument, much discussion, and much "Luke"/"Duke"-ing. They leave, but not before Luke sees Lorelai in a car with another man. Lorelai sure does talk baby-talk around Digger. But then again, per Bad Santa, maybe that's just Lauren Graham's flirting voice.
Jamie pounces Rory at the cafeteria. He asks Rory if she knows anything about what's going on with Paris. He rearranged everything to come see her, but she won't see him. She's been canceling plans for weeks and not calling him. Rory says that Paris is very busy being a freshman in college, and that Lane's been in their suite. Jamie asks what "chasing the dragon" is, and whether Paris is seeing somebody else. "Not that I know of," says Rory. Jamie thanks Rory, and says that this really helped. Rory promises that it'll get better. Jamie confesses that today's his birthday. Rory wishes him a happy birthday. Jamie leaves.