I was having breakfast when Melissa McCarthy walked into the restaurant. Does that make this an extra-special recap, since it was written minutes after seeing Sookie? More importantly, do you think she recognized me, since I was wearing a TWoP shirt at the time or because I was staring at her?
I'm a little worried about Rory's laundry habit. This girl does more laundry than Last Comic Standing's Rich Vos. We open in Lorelai's kitchen, where Rory is carrying a large bundle of laundry and Lorelai is clipping coupons. There's "[off-key rock music]" playing faintly in the background, according to the closed captioning. Lorelai asks Rory if she'd be horrified if Lorelai started clipping coupons again. Rory makes a snotty "Yes!" sound, so Lorelai tells her to forget it, then: "I won't." Rory asks when Lorelai ever clipped coupons before. Lorelai says she never did, and that she just misspoke. Lorelai asks Rory how her laundry has increased exponentially since she started Yale. "Because I'm a dirty, filthy Yale girl now," Rory answers, snatching the coupon section of the paper away from Lorelai. "I told you I'm not going to clip them!" Lorelai shouts. Rory says that there shouldn't be a problem, then. Rory doesn't get too far into the laundry room, however, because she hears Lane's band playing. "That is..." she starts. "Sucks," Lorelai agrees. "That is totally sucks [sic]," Rory says, noting that the band is on their 200th guitarist audition. Lorelai says they must be down to the "deaf, dumb, and blind ones," and then celebrates when the guitarist in question finds the "lost chord." Rory walks back in and says, "So, the washer's broken." Lorelai grins guiltily and says, "Yep." Rory wonders why Lorelai didn't mention it when Rory walked out with her exponential pile of laundry or called from Yale to say she was coming home to do exponential amounts of laundry. Lorelai accuses Rory of co-opting her word, so Rory changes it to "plethora," as in, "I have a plethora of dirty laundry and nowhere to do it." Lorelai reminds Rory that she comes home not to do her laundry, but to see her "momma." Rory says that this time she came home to do her laundry. Lorelai says she'll call the laundry repair man. Rory and Lorelai note that the band has stopped playing. Enter Lane, wearing a very cool Welcome to the Dollhouse t-shirt. Her hair is in two thick braids. She mopes over to the kitchen sink, ducks her head under the faucet, and drowns the back of her head in cold water. As she walks away, Rory wonders if Lane can even hear them. Lorelai says that in self-defense, Lane's ears must have become vestigial organs. Rory snatches the coupon section away from Lorelai once again and runs to hide it in her room. Lorelai finds another section and gives a "Ha" as we fade to the opening credits.
Lorelai enters Sookie and Jackson's place to find...our newest townie. His name is Bo, and he's Jackson's brother. Get it? Bo. Jackson. Bo's the kind of guy who sits around reading magazines about cars, barely grunting when someone asks him a question. Sookie explains that Bo is grumpy because Jackson has asked Bo to be there for the birth, which was supposed to be a week ago. So Bo is unhappy because he's missed an extra week of work, and he's not afraid to let everyone know how that makes him feel. Lorelai says it'd be nice if God had given women one of those turkey pop-up things to know when a baby was done.
“ From the other room, a grumpy Bo asks what day it is. Around here, Bo, folks refer to that as a 'trick question.' ”
Jackson enters, sans pin, and says this extra time is really great, because it's allowed him to get so much done. Sookie is storing meals, and now has two weeks' worth. From the other room, a grumpy Bo asks what day it is. Around here, Bo, folks refer to that as a "trick question." Jackson says it's Saturday. Bo says that he gets time and a half on Saturdays, or he pays his bills. Jackson apologizes to Sookie one more time for the inconvenience. Sookie then calls Jackson "Daddy," a term of affection that makes me cringe. Maybe it's because I don't have kids, but there's something about that "Mommy" and "Daddy" thing, when kids aren't around, that makes me feel icky. Jackson says that the plastic sheet fits perfectly on the bed. Lorelai asks what that's for. Not that you're nosy, Lor, asking the couple about their bed linens. Maybe Sookie wets the bed. Sookie says she has news for Lorelai, but that she needs Lorelai to take in the info slowly and process it before she decides how she feels about this. See, Jackson and Sookie have decided to go with a midwife, skipping the hospital, and have the baby in their home. Their midwife is the best one "on the Eastern seaboard." I would imagine that getting a midwife that good would take more than a week's notice, wouldn't you? Lorelai is wearing the same face I'd be wearing if my best friend told me she didn't want to deliver her child to where they keep the medicine and machines in case something goes wrong. Sookie and Jackson say that millions of babies have been born this way, and that hospitals are full of infections, colds, dead people, and dead people with infections. "And if they're not dead yet," Jackson says, "they die!" Also they know that if the baby is born in their home, there's a "zero chance" of bringing home the wrong baby: "What comes out of her here, stays here." Take that, Las Vegas. Jackson gives Lorelai a baby pager -- one that plays "The Entertainer." Jackson found Scott Joplin to be "appropriately sunny." Sookie says she wants Lorelai to be there for the birth: "Even if home birth disgusts you." Lorelai says that nothing could keep her away. Jackson suddenly remembers to add extra buckets to the list. Lorelai starts to ask what they'd be for, and then stops herself.
Town meeting. Kirk has brought Lulu, whom he refers to loudly and proudly as "My Girlfriend." He says it about three times before they even take their seats. Through Babette and Andrew, we learn that Taylor has called an emergency meeting, and that's why everyone's there, but that no one knows what the meeting is about. "He said nothing to me or my girlfriend," Kirk notes. Miss Patty says she can't remember the last emergency meeting. Kirk and his girlfriend can't either.
Meanwhile, Rory and Lorelai are mocking Sookie's home birth. "I wanted to be supportive but throw up at the same time," Lorelai says. They want to puke on that plastic sheet, too, and compare it to the Afterschool Special about bedwetting: It's Not Benny's Fault. Lane enters, beaming. Kirk tells her there's a seat behind his girlfriend. Lane takes a seat to Rory and tells her she's found the most amazing guitarist, a phenom, who was really cool on the phone. She's trying not to get her hopes up for when she meets him tomorrow, but he's the most promising guitarist they've heard from yet. But she has already planned out what their Spin cover will look like. Rory notices that the woman at the front of the room ("Mrs. Van Uppity") is staring at her. "Maybe you're just her type," Lorelai smiles.
“ Luke is surprised that Lorelai is involving herself in this 'stupid waste of time.' Hi, Luke. Have you met Lorelai? ”
Taylor calls the meeting to order. He explains that, every year, one town in Connecticut hosts The Festival of Living Pictures, a show which recreates famous works of art onstage, with real people posing as the figures in the art. Stars Hollow last hosted it seven years ago, and it was a success. "My girlfriend's gonna love this," Kirk lets us know. Woodbury was supposed to host it this year, but had to cancel due to flooding, and Taylor offered up Stars Hollow. Everybody's stoked. "You finally did something right!" Miss Patty says. Taylor's offended, so Miss Patty adds, "Your beard is so sexy." Taylor tells everyone that they only have one week, and per tradition, they also have to come up with one original recreation to add to the traditional ones done every year. If they're the same works every year no matter what city, how close could the recreations look from town to town? Or does every town have someone who looks like Lorelai, someone who looks like Kirk, someone who's a dead ringer for Rory...? Taylor says he's assured Hank, "the Taylor Doose of Woodbury," that they'd take over the festival successfully. "It's a challenge, people, but doable," he says. Taylor introduces Mrs. Van Uppity, who actually has the unfortunate God-given name Buff Otis. She's the head of the Connecticut Arts Council. She takes the podium as Lorelai calls her Rory's future wife. Buff approaches the mic and only says, "Your enthusiasm...shocks me." Hee. Give Buff an Oscar. Lane and Rory debate whether that's a positive statement or not. "Scary broad," Babette warbles to Andrew. Taylor says he'll manage and emcee, Miss Patty will be the stage manager, and Lorelai will be in charge of costumes. Not that anyone's got a job. "I'm here for you and your sexy beard, Taylor," Lorelai says. Taylor giggles and grabs his chin. He says that everyone should sign up if they want to be considered for casting, and that he'll decide with Buff who gets which part. Babette asks Lorelai if she'll be the girl in the Renoir painting again. Lorelai says she's sure she can be persuaded. Taylor says that they should do this and do it well. He adjourns the meeting to positive applause. Rory starts to leave, but Lorelai holds her down, saying she wants to see if Buff asks Rory out.
Luke's. Lorelai wonders if she wants to be something other than the Renoir girl. Rory says that the audience has come to expect her in that role (after that one attempt, seven years ago), so Lorelai has to be. "It's a plum role," Rory adds. Lorelai agrees. Luke walks over, apologizing for being late. He says he's dealing with more divorce-lawyer stuff, but this time it's his own lawyer, not Nicole's. He asks about the emergency meeting, and Rory explains that Stars Hollow is hosting the Festival of Living Pictures again. "Oh. Joy," Luke groans. Lorelai's quick with the impression: "His lack of enthusiasm...shocks me." Cut out "lack of," and I think it would have been funnier. Also, why is this episode called "The Festival of Living Art," instead of "Pictures"? Luke is surprised that Lorelai is involving herself in this "stupid waste of time." Hi, Luke. Have you met Lorelai? Lorelai suggests that Luke pose for Cranky Guy in Baseball Cap. Rory asks if that was Manet or Monet. Lorelai orders a hamburger, and Rory calls her the Queen of Segues. Rory orders her usual.
“ Lorelai figures that Rory's being looked at for the new painting. "I feel like a used car," Rory complains. As if Rory wouldn't be heartbroken if they did that festival without a moment where she was the princess of it. I'm surprised they don't call it The Festival of Precious Rory. ”
Rory fantasizes about being a "backstage person" this year, forgetting the word "techie," I guess. Also forgetting that she doesn't live in Stars Hollow anymore and should probably be studying for finals. Rory's interrupted by Taylor and Buff, who are outside Luke's window, staring at Rory. Lorelai tries to make another lesbian joke, but Rory stops her. Lorelai figures that Rory's being looked at for the new painting. "I feel like a used car," Rory complains. As if Rory wouldn't be heartbroken if they did that festival without a moment where she was the princess of it. I'm surprised they don't call it The Festival of Precious Rory. Taylor and Buff ask Rory to turn profile. She does, grumpily. "I'm a Yale student, for God's sake," she complains. Yeah? Tell that to your roommates, who have forgotten what you look like. I guess I'm happy we didn't lose touch with Stars Hollow, but why even bother having all of these college discussions last year and the year before and then this year have absolutely nothing to do with Rory's life in college? Rory calls Stars Hollow "crazy doofus town," and then smiles at her mom, who ties the apron string just a bit tighter to her hip.
Taylor's putting up the casting sheet, walking through Miss Patty's studio, where lots of people are working with costumes and props. Andrew is stoked to find out that he's going to be "some statue." An exasperated Taylor tells Andrew that he'll be portraying The Reaper, a prize work at Versailles and a prize role. "So, I get to be painted all white, huh?" Andrew beams. "Yeah," Taylor admits. Is the guy standing to him the pizza delivery boy? Lorelai asks Taylor when the costumes are arriving. Taylor says that Hank said they're en route, but that she's got to triple-check everything with him. Taylor calls Hank "a real ninny," adding that he knows Hank is praying Stars Hollow doesn't pull this off, which only makes Taylor want to work harder. Kirk asks to see the list. "He's going to be very happy," Miss Patty tells Lorelai. Then Kirk squeals a jubilant "woohoo!" He's Christ in The Last Supper. He swears he'll do it right, and do lots of research. He asks what book he should read. "The Bible?" Lorelai asks. Kirk asks where his homeboy apostles be at. After a round of high-fives, the boys head to Shakey's for a celebration. Stars Hollow has a chain? Miss Patty calls Kirk a happy Christ, and Lorelai says it was nice of them to give Kirk the role.
Miss Patty shows Lorelai the painting they think Rory would be perfect for. It's called Portrait Of Anthea. Lorelai says she'll try to sway Rory to do it, because there's an incredible likeness. Lorelai is confused to find that she's not the Renoir girl. In fact, she's not on the cast list at all. Miss Patty tries to hide, but Lorelai follows her. "I'm the spitting image of the Renoir girl," Lorelai brats. She says that she played the Renoir girl seven years ago to accolades: "This is a mistake." Miss Patty says she might be right. Lorelai finds Taylor and demands to know why she's not the Renoir girl. Taylor finally admits that Lorelai flinched seven years ago when the curtain opened, and ruined everything. Lorelai says she didn't flinch. "We thought you were having an attack," Taylor says, adding that Lorelai almost knocked Terrence over. Lorelai continues arguing that she didn't flinch, even when Miss Patty backs Taylor up. "You almost knocked Terrence over," she adds. Taylor, for reasons I don't truly understand, says that Lorelai "screwed the pooch." Do people say that anymore? And I do not think it means what Taylor thinks it means. Miss Patty asks Lorelai to ask Rory to be in the painting. Lorelai pouts off as we fade to black.
“ Where you lead, I will follow. Anywhere, that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to do laundry with you, I will follow where you lead. I always wanted Harvard. With Ivy on the windowsill, but if you can't take me going farther than Yale, honey, you know I'll bend to your every whim because I secretly never thought I was good enough for Harvard anyway. ”
Where you lead, I will follow. Anywhere, that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to do laundry with you, I will follow where you lead. I always wanted Harvard. With Ivy on the windowsill, but if you can't take me going farther than Yale, honey, you know I'll bend to your every whim because I secretly never thought I was good enough for Harvard anyway. Yale. Laundry room. Hi, Lorelai. Member of the student council yet? Lorelai is humiliated that she's not the Renoir girl. A guy enters the laundry room and takes his clothes out of the dryer, causing Lorelai to note that there's a lot of tension in the air. Rory tells Lorelai that it's time for midterms, but that Rory's not stressing because I guess Rory has suddenly turned into a completely different person whom we've never met before. Rory changes the subject to Lorelai's laundry detergent, which I guess she brought for Rory to use (what a baby!), that is generic enough that Rory figured out Lorelai bought it with (gasp!) coupons. Lorelai is upset that Carol Dandridge ("'Carol Dandruff,' from now on") won the Renoir-girl spot. Rory says this isn't Carol's fault, and Lorelai calls her "Porky Doodie-dridge." Rory says that Lorelai will get to play the Renoir girl, because if they want Rory to be Anthea, then they'll have to let Lorelai play the part she covets. We may not have Emily in this episode, but at least we have her cunning ways.
Lane, Brian, and my friend Todd Lowe are setting up their equipment, jazzed to meet the new guitarist. And (my friend) Todd Lowe, forgetting that the name is dead to him, says that this is the first time he's been excited to play since Dave. Sure wish Lane would mention the loss of her boyfriend. Enter Sebastian Bach. Lane wonders if he's lost. "I'm Gil!" he shouts, happy as a clam to be right where he's supposed to be. And as far as I'm concerned, Sebastian Bach is supposed to be Lane's new best friend. This is the man who lost his job at Jesus Christ Superstar supposedly because he wouldn't stop flashing the horns and stage-diving during the curtain call. Also, in the year 1989, I do believe my mom told me that the pretty boy on MTV would never be taken seriously until he cut off all of his long hair that made him look like a pretty boy. And since it rarely happens, I do love it when my mom is proven wrong. That scraggly-ass hair is exactly the same hair Sebastian tossed back with his hand while singing "18 and Life" and it's the same hair that's flipping around Lorelai's garage, when he hooks up his guitar and begins his audition, launching into a Jesus and Mary Chain song. I'm getting ahead of myself. So Sebastian Bach introduces himself and the others introduce themselves back. Brian, Lane, and (my friend) Todd Lowe all look nervous that this guy's arthritis might keep him from a wicked solo.
While preparing for the festival, Lorelai asks Kirk how his research is going. Kirk admits that he didn't realize Jesus wasn't in the Old Testament, so it got off to a slow start. Lorelai tells Taylor that the Renior costume still fits her like a glove. Taylor threatens to harm her if she makes him look foolish in front of Hank from Woodbury. He actually says there will be "hell to pay," and then has to apologize to Kirk. Enter the Troubadour. Yes, everybody's favorite useless townie. He's here for a fitting, which keeps him from walking around singing, which makes him somewhat more likable. He's the Judas to Kirk's Jesus, and so Kirk immediately hates him. The Troubadour doesn't pick up Kirk's hostility, and asks if everybody's going to Shakey's later. Kirk says they aren't, so the Troubadour says they'll do it some other time. "Yeah. Some other time," Kirk fronts.
“ 'He was alive before man walked on the moon,' Brian marvels. I might add that Brian is wearing a t-shirt celebrating an event that happened in 1979, so perhaps he should keep his mouth shut. ”
Now Sebastian Bach is playing Jesus and Mary Chain. (My friend) Todd Lowe looks really sweaty in that room. You guys know that I can't truly recap my friend, right? It's not like I'm ever going to snark on him. I mean, I take my job seriously, but I don't want to be an asshole. So know that (my friend) Todd Lowe is there and if he were anybody else I might make a few snide comments here and there about how it's weird how often they make him say "dude" and I probably only notice it because of the way he says it and how he sounds "in real life" and blah blah blah diplomacycakes. The closed captioning, however, doesn't care if Todd's my friend, and describes his singing as "[indistinctly]." That might be because Todd's doing the Pixies cover of the Jesus and Mary Chain song. Sebastian Bach tells them that they're fantastic. Lane is clearly pleased with SB's playing, but mfTL and Brian are still hesitant. "It's tight, you know? It feels right," SB says.
SB excuses himself to call work: he runs a sandwich shop, and the place falls apart when he's gone. This gives Lane, Brian and mfTL time to debate the age difference between themselves and SB. Old jokes ensue. mfTL: "Just say it, dude. Grampa's old." Heh. "He sounded young on the phone," Lane admits. mfTL marvels at SB's crow's feet. "What is he...late thirties?" Brian asks. "Pushing forty," mfTL guesses. "He was alive before man walked on the moon," Brian marvels. I might add that Brian is wearing a t-shirt celebrating an event that happened in 1979, so perhaps he should keep his mouth shut. Lane says they shouldn't be overly dramatic, since SB is a great guitarist, causing mfTL to note that SB's had a lot of time for practice. "And the bicentennial," Brian frets. "He was alive for that!" Lane says that this is the best they've sounded since Dave. Brian: "He was our age when we were born. There were no CDs when he was born." mfTL tells Brian to stop it. Lane says there might be a way to offset his oldness, by putting him in a hat or an AC/DC outfit. "And 1980 is when that guy choked on his own vomit. That's old." Is that a reference to Jimi Hendrix? It can't be John Lennon. Whom does that refer to? Suddenly I feel so young. The band members decide to keep auditioning with SB, but mfTL reminds them that a single vote can keep someone from joining the band. "So one vote against, and he's back at Bingo." Heh. SB comes back in and finishes his cell-phone call. "Kids, man," he says. "In one ear and out the other." He then screams that it's time for them to rock.
Jackson and Sookie's. The house is filled with "sad, droopy balloons." Lorelai has a large selection of ski vests we haven't seen the likes of since Marty McFly escaped the Libyans. Sookie's resting on the couch, following the advice of Bruce, their midwife. Bruce is a lady, and is being portrayed by Rusty Schwimmer, who has been in Six Feet Under, among other things (enter shameless self-serving plug here). Bo enters the living room here, on his own cell-phone call, loudly repeating that it's going to cost another fifty bucks to change his flight again, complaining that it's six-hours' worth of pay. After he hangs up the phone, he notes, "She sounded hot." Heh. Sookie suggests that Bo and Jackson go for a walk and do something. "But there's nothing to do in this hick town," Bo complains. "Not like Bogalusa." Jackson says he needs help picking the zucchini in the back. "Wow, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife," says Lorelai, playing with her gigantic skinny scarf.