We open on Friday-night dinner. Emily and Richard are complaining about their new neighbors, the Richmonds. Lorelai doesn't understand how giving out full-sized candy bars for Halloween is something to be upset about. But the Richmonds gave out king-sized candy bars, when Richard and Emily had been giving out full-sized candy bars every year. Man, I can't even imagine getting a full-sized candy bar in my trick-or-treat basket. ["Every house I've ever lived, there's always been one -- and only one -- house where the owners gave out full-sized candy bars. We always tried to think of a way to hit it twice." -- Wing Chun] Emily says that the Richmonds made the entire neighborhood look ridiculous by throwing off the balance. Emily's sweater, with its strange collar, is throwing off my balance; for a second I thought she was wearing chambray. Lorelai, on the other hand, is wearing something I'm completely coveting-- a pink and black flowered top with cap sleeves and black trim, and a little pink chiffon scarf tied around her neck. Lorelai reminds her parents that, two Halloweens ago, someone painted the Duprees' Chihuahua pink and nobody complained. "Well, everybody hated Taco," Emily says. Heh. Emily says it might be time to go after the Richmonds' ball machine. Richard chuckles evilly. He explains that the ball machine on the Richmonds' tennis court is extremely loud and unpredictable. "Flying, thumping balls all over the place," Emily interjects. Lorelai asks: "Flying, thumping...what all over the place?" Emily: "Balls." And both Lorelai and I guffaw childishly. "You are four," Emily tells Lorelai. Awesome. Great line. I have a pin on one of my purses that boldly declares "I'm 4!" Lorelai tells Emily that balls are funny. Richard says they can get a petition going if the homeowners' association doesn't want to do anything about the Richmonds. Lorelai suggests that they put on hoods and burn a full-sized Mars bar in their yard. "King-sized, Lorelai," Emily corrects. "King-sized."
Rory tries to change the subject by asking Richard about his work. Richard says it's "lovely." He asks about school. "Crazy," Rory sighs. Lorelai says that Rory's taking too many classes. She's taking five classes. That's probably, like, seventeen hours with the labs, right? That's not a lot. I took five my freshman and sophomore years. I may have taken six one semester. You had to if you wanted out before five years was up. As it was, it took me four and a half years, and I never took extra electives. ["Seriously -- isn't five classes...a full course load? At my university it was." -- Wing Chun] Rory says she likes to be busy, and Richard says she takes after him. He took that many classes as well. "Idle hands are the devil's playthings," he reminds everyone. Now it sounds like a show fit for The WB. Had to work the religion in there somewhere. "That's actually the title of one of her classes," Lorelai says. Emily announces they're having mini lemon bundt cakes for dessert. Lorelai makes a groan of disappointment, and says they're serving full-sized bundt cakes over at the Richmond house. Hee. There's an extra joke here about Lorelai's plate getting taken away, but I prefer to fade out here on the stronger joke.
Emily brings a vase of flowers into Richard's office. There's a photographer set up to take pictures of Richard and Digger. Richard just wants to get this over with. Emily says that patience is a virtue. Richard says that time is fleeting. Was this script written by Benjamin Franklin? Digger has made the mistake of trying to grow a beard, and his sparse facial hair makes him look like he's the bad guy on one of this week's Law & Order shows. The photographer's name is Helmut. He takes pictures of Richard and Digger leaning over to sign contracts. Someone presses play for "Track 783: camera snapping" on the sound-effects CD. Two pictures and Helmut is done. And that probably cost $500, too. Man doesn't even need a flash. Richard and Digger prepare to sign the actual papers. When did Emily decide she liked this merger again? How did this get worked out? Digger says he's feeling historic. Richard says this is Gettysburg all over again. "Important men doing important things," Digger notes as he signs. I don't like that Digger. He's up to no good. Digger and Richard shake hands. "Let's give 'em hell," Digger says. Emily is disappointed that she didn't get Helmut taking pictures of the handshake. Richard apologizes to Digger about the "photo session." Digger says he thinks it's a "cute idea," and Emily makes a face. She says that when the financial papers call for an official photo, "it'll be downright darling." Richard says he learned long ago that Emily is always right when it comes to things like this. Emily asks Digger to stay for dinner, but he's got to run out of there and ruin Richard's career...I mean, "get the papers to his lawyer." So his lawyer can ruin Richard's career. Growing a beard, huh? Gonna bleach your hair , Digger, so nobody can recognize you when you take all of Richard's money and flee to Mexico? Digger leaves, saying he'll see Richard the morning. Emily mocks Digger's "I think it's cute," and says he needs a good smack in his scruffy face. She asks Richard if they can discuss the launch party. Richard says he just wants something dignified. Emily says it probably shouldn't be too fancy, and gets excited when she thinks about having a vodka bar. Caviar. A Russian theme: "I love that it's okay to be Russian again." Richard says it sounds lovely, and they plan the party for the 23rd. Emily tells Richard to buy a new suit for the occasion, and find out what Digger's wearing so they don't dress like the Bobbsey Twins. Richard leaves so that Emily can smile to the empty room and say, "A Russian theme. I like that."
Rory's in her Yale classroom. Today, the classroom is filled with desks instead of a long conference table, but we can see the windows are exactly the same. Anyway, the professor is lecturing, so I'm falling asleep, as is my wont. I don't want to alarm Rory, but it appears Christina Aguilera is in her class, and sitting one seat back, one row over, in a ridiculous hat. The professor dismisses class until week, which, again, can't be true because this is probably the start of the week and she'll certainly be returning again later in the week, but whatever. Anyway, the teacher says that week, he'll be bursting more of their illusions. Then, in a leap of logic, he says he has found out that the syllabus is incorrect, and that all of the reading should be moved up one week. Does that mean their midterms and finals are moved up as well? The professor says that he just found out his in-laws are moving back to town, so nobody's immune from bad news. Take my Yale academic core curriculum class-- Please! The professor says he'll see everybody Tuesday. So today must be Thursday.
They've broken ground at the Dragonfly! Yay! It only took twenty episodes or so, but there's been some actual progress on the inn, which is covered in Halloween colors so that we know it's fall. Okay, now, about four feet from the entrance to the inn (and yes, we didn't see this in any of the earlier shots of the Dragonfly over the years, I don't think), there's a stable. And Lorelai wants to buy two horses to start off with. Ick. That inn's gonna smell poopy. The Stars Hollow contractor is still just as grumpy, and makes sure that Lorelai wants him to turn this building (with its hay and saddles that we can see from here) into "some kind of stable" without a magic wand or pixie dust. Lorelai says she'd like to keep the existing structure as well. Kirk walks up at this point and says he's all set up as soon as Lorelai's ready. Lorelai says she'll be right there, and Kirk walks away. The contractor, Tom, comes back out and asks Lorelai how attached she's going to be to these horses. He wonders if she's planning on naming them, brushing their manes, or feeding them apples. He wonders this because the roof is going to cave in on the horses shortly if he stays within budget, and he recommends that Lorelai just call all of the horses "Trigger." Lorelai tells Tom to find out how much more it's going to cost, and walks away. Tom licks his pencil -- something I've never understood, but always seen guys who wear toolbelts do.
Sookie arrives and says, "Hey, you're here!" which leads me to think that Lorelai hasn't spent much time at the inn. I imagine this is the same thing people at Yale say to Rory when they see her in her dorm room at night. Sookie says she has very exciting news. But before she can say another line, two surfer dudes run up, swipe Sookie's belly, shout, "Surf's up, dude!" and toss the belly back and forth as they kick sand in Kirk's face. Sookie tells Lorelai that Emily called her this morning, and they get to cater Emily's launch party. Was Sookie awake in the last episode? Why would she do this? Lorelai can't believe that Emily found out she and Sookie had a catering company, since Lorelai has never told her. Sookie doesn't understand how Lorelai had never mentioned the business. Lorelai makes Sookie give a detailed re-enactment of her conversation with Emily, when Emily found out that she and Lorelai were in business together. "She's mad," Lorelai concludes, even though Sookie swears that Emily didn't sound mad. Lorelai says she can't do this, but Sookie says that it's probably the last job she can take before Davey arrives (and the second job they've taken, I guess). Lorelai says that something else will come along. "Not that pays like your mother does," Sookie smiles. Lorelai says that Emily pays so much so that she can torture the help without worrying that they'll throw knives at her. Sookie says that decorating and planning at that house would be a snap for Lorelai, because she grew up there. She says that Lorelai can spend 90% of the night in the kitchen, and then they can take home the "pretty-pretty money." Sookie starts cooing to the "pretty-pretty money." Lorelai agrees, and tells Sookie not to ask her again.
Kirk walks up, and Lorelai admits that she forgot he was there. Kirk wishes he had a nickel for every time he's heard that. Lorelai apologizes and says he has her full attention. Sookie then decides she's leaving, and Kirk and Lorelai help her up. Sookie leaves. Lorelai follows Kirk over to his mailbox display. Kirk is now designing mailboxes. "Condoleeza Rice!" I shout with glee as I giggle. "How do you know what she looks like?" Stee asks me. "I watch television," I scoff at him. "I know politics." I cross my arms indignantly. "You mean you watch The Daily Show?" he asks, one eyebrow raised. I inhale sharply and then nod slowly. Kirk likes his whimsical mailboxes, that say to the world, "I'll take my mail with a smile." Kirk says that Lorelai is a preferred customer, so with the purchase of a mailbox he'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop and a garlic peeler. Lorelai says it's quite an offer, but that it's a little early to pick out a mailbox, since she and Sookie haven't decided what color to paint the inn yet. "Well, whimsy goes with everything," Kirk says. Lorelai notices the Condoleeza Rice mailbox. Kirk says he's a fan, and that her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in. Lorelai decides she needs to think about it.
Kirk asks about Lorelai's catering business. I can't believe that Kirk doesn't already have one, and feels threatened by Lorelai's rival business and wants to rumble. Kirk asks how much he'd have to pay for her culinary service. Kirk says he's got two guests, simple food, for an event in his mother's living room. Kirk says he has a visitor from out of town, and he thought it'd be good to serve her a catered meal. She's his brother's ex-girlfriend. Ladies clear your Friday nights: Kirk has a brother. The girl's name is Lulu. "Good name," Lorelai laughs. Kirk admits that he's had a crush on Lulu for a while, and she's coming home to visit her mother: "And she called me." Lorelai says that Kirk has a date. "No. Just an appointment to take Lulu to dinner," Kirk protests. Lorelai explains that what Kirk has is called a date. Kirk says he doesn't have high hopes for it. Lorelai says he might not want to have dinner in his living room. "Well, the breakfast nook doesn't seem festive enough," Kirk says. Lorelai asks where Kirk's mother will be during this date. "Probably in the living room," he replies. Lorelai asks whether Kirk wants his mom watching his date. "I could ask her to face the wall," Kirk suggests. Lorelai says that Kirk could take his date out to a restaurant. Kirk asks if he should call his brother to find out what kind of restaurant Lulu likes. "I think if he knew, she'd still be with him," Lorelai concludes. She tells Kirk to take Lulu someplace Kirk likes -- somewhere that makes him comfortable, as long as it's not attached to a bowling alley. "That narrows it down a bit," Kirk admits. He asks if he could stop by tomorrow to have Lorelai help him pick out his wardrobe. Lorelai says he can dress himself, as long as he looks nice, but not too fancy, clean, and not in jeans. "Ooh. Maybe a sport coat," she says. Then she adds: "11 sound good?" Kirk: "Perfect."
Janet has one of those annoying mini-trampolines. But unlike the rest of us on this planet, she's actually using it. Rory comes home (rockin' the fishnets, girl) and notes that Janet has a trampoline. "Helps with my shin splints," Janet says. Rory says, "Wow. Squeaky." The phone is ringing in Rory's room, and Janet tells her so. Rory makes them hit that loud door opening/closing track, as she enters her room.
Rory's room has moved around somehow. Paris is pouting on her bed listening to the phone ring, but won't answer it. She knows it's Jamie, and they're in a fight. How can two Yale girls not have voicemail? It came with our phone service in the dorms back in 1993. The phone keeps ringing, and Janet's squeaking outside. Rory asks Paris to answer the phone. Paris answers and then hangs up again. There's still the squeaking. "Why are you and Jamie fighting?" Rory asks. "Because he's wrong," Paris answers. That's the best answer ever. Paris says Jamie won't listen to her. The phone rings again, Paris answers by telling Jamie he won't listen to her, and then hangs up again. Paris says he loves the sound of his own voice so much you'd think he was already President. Paris says she doesn't want to be Hillary, and have to wait a hundred years while he does his thing before she gets to do her own thing and be too old to enjoy it. Rory says she doesn't think Hillary's too old to enjoy it. "Fine, be on his side," Paris snots. Rory says she's on Hillary's side. The phone rings again. Rory complains that she can't study with the phone ringing. Rory answers and tells Jamie that Paris is there. She tells Paris that she's acting stupid, and that Paris loves Jamie, so she should just get on the phone and work it out. Paris takes the phone and says she hasn't thought about what Jamie said because she's very busy, and contrary to what he believes, she's got better things to do than sit around and think about him or what he said, meant, wanted, or anything about him or concerning him. Rory takes the phone away and tells Paris to have Jamie call her on her cell phone and then she can take the argument outside where there are birds and trees. Paris says her cell phone is dead. Rory gives Paris her own cell phone. Paris wants to know Rory's phone plan so that she doesn't get slammed with a massive charge. Rory hands her the phone. Paris tells Jamie she's calling him back on Rory's cell. Eventually Paris gets off the phone, takes Rory's phone, and says she'll be back. "Take your time," Rory says. DOOR SLAM. Rory sits at her desk and tries to study, but there's the sound of a muffled television through the wall. Rory pouts and leaves her room.
DOOR OPENS. Tana is watching the gigantic television. Rory says she's trying to study, but that she can hear the television through the wall and it's distracting. Tana asks if Rory's telling her to turn it off, which Rory can do since Rory's grandmother paid for the television. Why doesn't Rory ask Tana to turn the television down? I don't know. But it doesn't happen. Rory says that the television belongs to everyone. Tana offers to press her ear to the speaker and turn the television down really low, but since the speakers for the television are mounted in the corners of the ceiling, she's not sure how to do that. Rory has already stomped off. She grabs her things and leaves. DOOR SLAM. And you know, that's how we go to commercial, because that's how Amy Sherman-Palladino likes to end a scene.
Lorelai's kitchen. Sookie pulls out a tray of broccoli tarts and asks Lorelai to try one. Hi, burning hot mouth. Lorelai threatens to beat Sookie with a tart if she makes her eat one more. Sookie says that Emily is the pickiest woman she's ever catered for, with impeccable tastes, and that she can smell an inferior tart a mile away. Lorelai says depending on how long it's been left out, they all could. Try the veal, folks. Sookie worries that Emily hasn't called yet, but Lorelai's sure she will. She was supposed to call a couple of days ago. Don't try to predict what day it is, because Lorelai and Sookie are still wearing the same clothes they were wearing when they took this job back at the inn.
Sookie makes Lorelai phone Emily with questions. Emily and Lorelai exchange pleasantries. Emily is wearing the same outfit she was wearing when Richard and Digger took pictures, so let's say this is all one big day, and Emily was supposed to call Sookie days ago and it was Sookie who waited days before telling Lorelai they got the gig. That means this is still Thursday. Lorelai tells Emily they haven't heard from her yet, and that they need details about the party. Emily says she's just now heard about the Independence Catering Company, which is what Lorelai and Sookie are calling their business. She tells Lorelai that a few years ago, there was The Independent Company, who were all the rage until they sent a few hundred people to the hospital with food poisoning. Lorelai says that's a great story. Emily continues, saying it'd be a shame if people mistook Lorelai and Sookie's company for them, but that Emily didn't have the chance to give Lorelai this warning, because Lorelai never bothered to tell Emily about having started a catering company in the first place. Lorelai lies and says she sent Emily one of their flyers. Emily says she didn't get the flyer. Lorelai says she sent it and, to be honest, she was hurt that Emily didn't call to congratulate, so now she forgives her. Emily asks when Lorelai sent the flyer. Lorelai: "Last...week." That really could be at any time in history. Emily asks what it said. Lorelai says it said "Come and get it," but when Emily finds that distasteful, Lorelai says the flyer was just your basic introduction to the catering company. It had the company's phone number, address, and a caricature of Sookie and Lorelai. Emily asks if she can have one of the extra flyers so she can see what it looked like. She tells Lorelai to bring it with her Friday night. Emily says it's so unusual for things to get lost in the mail these days. Tell that to Amazon.com, because something someone sent me from my wish list never got here, and I have no idea how to find out who sent it to me. Emily asks if it's possible that Lorelai got the address wrong. I wish they didn't drop this storyline, and that Lorelai had to draw a caricature of her and Sookie.
Emily wants a mixture of white, off-white and cream-colored linen, bone China with a blue stripe, tapers cut in half for centerpieces, and white and sterling roses, but not too high or formal. She asks if Lorelai has a florist. Lorelai does. Emily asks if he has a flyer. Lorelai asks about the vases. Emily says she's not an idiot, and that she knows there isn't a flyer, and that Lorelai is lying once again to cover up the fact that she's deliberately keeping Emily out of her life. Lorelai swears there's a flyer. Emily shames Lorelai, and says that swearing there's a flyer is the worst thing she can do. Lorelai says that Liv Tyler grew up her entire life thinking Todd Rundgren was her father, and that seems much worse. Emily says if she saw this kind of behavior from some other company, she'd fire them on the spot. "Then fire us, Mom," Lorelai dares. Lorelai says this isn't a favor, it's a business transaction, and that she and Sookie are running a company, and not family, so if Emily's unhappy with the service, she should fire them. Emily says, "As you wish." Lorelai says she and Sookie are busy, and that she'll have to hang up. Emily says goodbye. Lorelai hangs up and calls Emily a horrible woman. DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES. Sookie reminds Lorelai that she forgot to ask about the menu. Rory comes in and says that her dorm room has turned into a Three Stooges movie, and that she needs Pop Tarts shoved under her bedroom door in two hours.
But when Rory sees her bedroom, she finds out that there's not going to be any studying there. "You quiched my room," Rory says. Sookie tells her that they're actually tarts. About twenty trays of broccoli tarts cover every available inch of space in Rory's room. That smell must be incredibly overpowering. "Well, you tarted my room," Rory whines. Lorelai says she didn't know Rory was coming home. And I guess she couldn't call, with Paris on her phone. Rory covers her face and asks how she's supposed to study with that smell. Lorelai tells her to study in the living room. Rory complains that this studying is too serious for the living room, and that she's got a ton of work to do. Lorelai suggests a library at Yale. Rory says they're too quiet and big and drafty. Yeah, Rory hates libraries. She complains that she can't believe she came all the way home and there's nowhere to work. It's called college, Rory. Go to it. She notes that the sewing machine must not be far behind. "Oh, hey," Lorelai says. Very funny. She says that there are many kids in India who would love to come home to a room full of quiche. Sookie is very upset that people keep calling her tarts "quiche."
Luke's. Kirk enters. Luke calls Cesar over to discuss the tuna melt. This week, Cesar is the young Spanish boy instead of the older Asian man again. Maybe there are two Cesars. Anyway, he accidentally made the tuna melt with turkey. Kirk is checking out the layout of the restaurant. Luke walks over and asks what he's doing. Kirk asks, if he was Tom Cruise, where Luke would seat him. "In an acting class," Luke answers. Kirk asks about the best seat in the house, and where the best acoustics are. He'd hate to be able to hear the toilet flush during his meal. Luke says he's too busy to kill Kirk right now, and would like him to come back later. Kirk reserves three tables for Wednesday night at 8, and that he'll decide on his table selection later. Luke says Luke's doesn't take reservations. Kirk says that Lorelai told him to go somewhere that makes him comfortable, and that's Luke's: "Well, not at this moment, but previously I have been comfortable here." He tells Luke that he has a date with a young lady. Luke asks if he really felt the need to add the "young lady" part. "Kinda," Kirk admits. Luke says he'll give him one table at 8. Kirk hands Luke a diagram of how he'd like the table set up, with flowers by his date's plate and a champagne bucket out of his elbow's reach. Luke tells Kirk to get his own champagne and flowers. Kirk asks how much it would be for him to rent the place upstairs of the date goes well. "You mean my apartment?" Luke asks. He says goodbye. Kirk stops on his way out to ask a woman eating meatloaf if it makes her hot. Luke yells, and Kirk leaves.
Strummy, strummy la la over to Emily's. Lorelai and Sookie are in different outfits and Lorelai is grumpy. Emily has asked Sookie and Lorelai to come over and do a test run of the food and service. Lorelai: "Oh, she must be so happy right now. She's probably been cackling into her magic mirror all morning." Sookie says this will be a breeze. Lorelai can't believe she's going to spend three hours bowing and scraping. Emily says they'll be serving and delighting. Lorelai has the white, off-white, and cream linens as they walk to the house. "Wow. You grew up here?" Sookie asks. Lorelai grumbles that she'd better not be made to wear a uniform. Oh, I guess she doesn't want to be treated like any other catering company. "This is Citizen Kane's house," Sookie says. She asks if there's a moat. Lorelai makes Sookie promise to run interference for her all day. Sookie does. They ring the doorbell. The maid answers. Sookie gleefully announces that they're the caterers. The maid tells them that the servants' entrance is in the back, and slams the door in their faces. "Was that a maid?" Sookie asks with impressed glee. Lorelai pouts around the house. "What are all those tennis balls doing over there?" Sookie asks.
Yale. Rory has changed, too. She exchanges the latest classes that suck with the hurried guy from upstairs. "Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks!" he sings. Man, Rory can't find one possible hetero boyfriend. "That yoga's really working for you, Glen!" Rory shouts. Rory almost opens her door, but she can hear the muffled CNN and the squeaks of the trampoline. (If it were any other dorm room, we'd think it was filled with people having sex.) She sighs and almost enters, but then she hears the phone ring and Paris shout for nobody to answer it. Rory runs away from her suite.
Wandering through Yale, Rory passes tree after tree, surrounded in multi-colored leaves. Couples lean against these trees, reading, studying. Rory keeps walking until she finds an empty tree. Strummy-strummy-la-la follows Rory as she circles the tree once, puts down her things, eases into the tree, and smiles contentedly. She pulls out her books and studies into the commercial break. ["Yeah, serious studying is much better done outside on the ground than in a library." -- Wing Chun]
Emily's. The clock ticks loudly as Emily takes notes on the table setting. Lorelai waits impatiently behind her and begins heckling. I've never hired a catering company before, but I'd sure have fired Lorelai by now. As Emily studies the tapers, Lorelai babbles on about how she cut them herself. Emily asks if Sookie and Lorelai will have servers who will be instructed to keep quieter than Lorelai is. Sookie brings out the appetizers. I'll bet they aren't called that when you're fancy, but I don't know nothin' 'bout fancy. I only recently learned what an Eating Club was. Emily is impressed with the food. Sookie and Lorelai make frantic sign language over Emily's head, and Emily catches Lorelai making the crazy cranked finger near her ear. Lorelai says she'll tell the servers not to do that, either. Emily asks for her napkin, which has fallen on the floor. Lorelai offers to tuck it in Emily's shirt, and then puts it on Emily's lap, still babbling on. Emily tastes the food. Sookie and Lorelai wait. Emily tastes the soup. CLOCK RINGS FOUR TIMES. Lorelai sighs loudly. Emily asks what the course is. It's a lobster pot pie. Emily says she's ready for it now. Sookie goes to get it, but Emily stops her, asking how far along she is. "Eight months," Sookie beams. Emily notes to Lorelai that a woman eight months pregnant shouldn't have to go and fetch things. Lorelai leaves to get the food. Emily tells her to take the plate, so that she has a place to put the pot pie. Lorelai says she can think of a place to put it.
In the kitchen, Lorelai tells the maid that when she gives the signal, the maid should run in and distract Emily, and then Lorelai will take Emily down. Lorelai leaves.
Pot pie. Emily admires the crust. She tastes it. She says that Sookie's food is as accomplished as she remembers it, and that once they fine-tune the presentation, they'll have a very nice dinner party. They got the job. Sookie thanks Emily and promises she won't be disappointed. Emily says the event starts at 7:30, and that she'd like them to be there at 4. She leaves to make a copy of her notes for them to read on the way home. Sookie celebrates getting the job. Lorelai says they always had the job, but that Emily was teasing them, and wanting to humiliate them. There's a whale/fish analogy here, but I'm moving on. Nothing fazes Sookie.
As Lorelai drives home, Rory's on the phone, gleefully explaining her perfect study tree. Lorelai tells her that all girls think their tree is perfect. Rory says it fits her back completely and that there's plenty of grass. Wait, Rory's dorm room is back to the way it was again. I'm so confused by the layout. Lorelai says that at least one of them is happy. "And thank God it's me," Rory says. She brags about how much studying she got done today. Lorelai wants to know how she got hornswaggled into catering for her mother. She asks if Rory's going to go shopping for a nice yellow ribbon. They hang up.
Luke's. There's a background sound of children playing. I don't know why. Maybe it's supposed to be Halloween outside? Lorelai orders a cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. Lorelai says she can't go through with this. "It's a gig," Luke grumbles. Amen, Luke. Lorelai says it's like Prince opening for the Rolling Stones. Luke's busy watching Kirk go through his practice date. Kirk is talking to an imaginary Lulu. The other Cesar is behind Luke! Both men are working today. Okay. So Day Cesar is the Hispanic boy, and Night Cesar is Asian. I've figured it out. Kirk is videotaping his imaginary date so that he can review his side of the conversation tonight. Lorelai says there are so many ways Kirk could get kicked out of the army. Luke says that Kirk's been there all day ordering everything off the menu, determining which food has the lowest crumb-to-sweater ratio. Lorelai says Luke can ask Kirk to leave. Luke says this is all Lorelai's fault anyway, since she told Kirk to find a place that makes him comfortable. Lorelai tells Luke to give Kirk a break, since he's just trying to make sure Lulu has a nice time, and that people are all just looking for a nice person to hang out with until they drop dead. And if Kirk's date goes well, it means he won't be around so often. Kirk shouts, "Cut! Okay, that sucked. Let's just go away, right again. Focus. Focus." Luke tells Lorelai he'll have Kirk's monogrammed booth installed tomorrow.
Emily is busy with paperwork when Richard enters with his double-checked guest list. The doorbell rings. Richard admires the advertisement (flyer?) of the florist that Lorelai uses. Emily reminds us that everything has to be perfect, since they're trying to impress important people. Enter Digger. Richard says it's a pleasant surprise to see him, and then Emily scolds Richard for not telling her that Digger was coming over (even though he just said it was a surprise to him). Digger and Emily exchange pleasant small talk/flirting about how he's gained ten pounds since he walked into the house. Digger says he was just stopping by for the keys to the office. He apologizes for interrupting their evening, and turns to leave. Emily asks for Digger's guest list for the launch party. Richard hasn't told Digger about it yet. Richard says he's a very busy man. Emily says that's what his secretary is for. What secretary? ["The one he hired after Lorelai quit?" -- Wing Chun] Emily tells Digger that she's throwing a launch party to introduce the new business merger. The party is week, and everything is organized. Richard says that Emily throws the most elegant events at the drop of a hat. Digger says he's not so sure a launch party is the way to go. Richard says it's tradition to do such a thing, to talk to clients and potential clients one on one and impress them. Digger says he's organized a trip to Atlantic City to get everyone out, and away from business, spouses, floral arrangements, and stuffy cocktail parties. Yeah, Atlantic City is so where it's at. Digger says he'd rather go drinking, eat good food, take in a show, do a little gambling, and let men do the bonding they do naturally when one finds the other one in bed with a hooker. "What?" Emily shrieks. "It's just a figure of speech, Emily," Digger says. Emily can't believe he's serious: "These are dignified men and women. There are mobsters in Atlantic City." Digger hopes so. Before Richard gets a word in to state Emily's case, Digger says that this is what's going to set them apart from other companies -- being a little different and crazy -- and will make them memorable. He says that everyone else is throwing stuffy parties, and that his own mother has twelve different catering companies jumping through hoops: "Let's not give our clients canapés, Richard. Let's give them some fun." I don't know. Somehow Richard's coming around to Digger's point of view. Emily says, "But you're running an insurance company, not a rap label." She says their guests aren't coming for a good time, but to protect their livelihood. Richard asks if this party is too late to cancel. Emily says it isn't. Richard says they'll try it Digger's way. Digger thanks him and tells Emily, "Thank you again for the offer. But see, now you can just...hang out and relax." Digger is such a sexist pig. Emily curtly replies: "My two favorite things." Richard and Digger leave, saying they'll see each other tomorrow. I can't believe Emily doesn't lay into Richard over this.
Yale. Hesitant strummy-strummy-buh-buh as Rory finds another boy under her tree. He's reading a magazine. Rory tells him he's under her study tree. He asks what a study tree is. This kid could be Jess 2.0 if we're not careful. Rory says that she has roommates. He interrupts her and says he's busy. Rory makes fun of his Truckers Monthly magazine. This kid's got way too much hair. He makes a face when Rory makes fun of him, and he tells her that there are a million trees on campus. She says this one fits her back perfectly so she doesn't get tired, and the noise level is perfect. She was hoping he'd consider giving her back her tree. "No," he says. "Oh," Rory says, unused to not getting her way. She wanders off as the music stumbles with her. That's our Rory: can't see the boyfriends for the trees.
Luke's. Night. Kirk opens the door for Lulu, who says this place seems nice. Kirk tells her that diners are all the rage these days: "Very hip. Very, very hip." Kirk snaps his fingers and Luke turns around. Kirk says he had reservations for two under "Kirk." Luke walks them the two feet to their table, where the champagne and flowers are waiting. Kirk slips Luke a dollar bill and tells him there's more where that came from. Luke says it's his lucky night. Lulu sits and says, "Wow, I'm getting the fancy treatment!" Kirk: "Well, you did show up." Lulu appears to be having a fantastic time. Kirk hands Lulu a menu and says he heard the meatloaf was excellent
Lorelai's house. There's a knock at the door. Lorelai answers it. She's wearing Juicy Couture jogging pants. I hate words on asses so much, you guys. You know when I hate it the most? On any girl ages eight to twelve. Might as well write "Dirty Perv" across your ass, and if you're a mom buying your little kid jogging pants with "Juicy" or "Sweet" or "Honey" or "Princess" or "Perfect" or even "Tri-Delt" or "Trojans" across your little kid's ass, there's something wrong with you. That being said, Lauren Graham has one sweet ass. Emily's at the door, and asks Lorelai if she's in her pajamas. Lorelai says they aren't pajamas. "You wear that in public?" Emily asks. Welcome to my world. Lorelai invites Emily in. "You have the word 'Juicy' on your rear end," Emily notes. Lorelai says that if she had known Emily was coming over, she'd have changed. Emily: "Into what? A brassiere with the word 'Tasty' on it?" Hee. Lorelai asks what she can do for Emily. "I'm afraid you aren't going to be catering the launch party after all," Emily says. "Your father and I just decided to go a different way, that's all." Lorelai is understandably upset, and Emily says they'll reimburse any money she's already spent. Lorelai accuses Emily of never wanting her to cater in the first place, and deliberately making her jump through hoops just for fun, and thinks what Emily has done is cruel and horrible. But Lorelai can tell that Emily's upset about something. Man, Kelly Bishop's a good actress, and the two of them make this scene much better than I can recap it. Emily agrees that it was wrong of her to do all of that to Lorelai and Sookie just to take the job away from them. Lorelai isn't sure how to handle being told that she's right. Emily apologizes and says she thought her table was lovely and the food was wonderful: "I was really looking forward to this party. I think it might have been the best one I put on." Emily tells Lorelai what Digger did, calling her out of date and stuffy. Lorelai is sympathetic to the obviously hurt Emily. Lorelai asks if Digger knew how much work Emily had put into this. Emily says that's not important, and that she's been doing these things for Richard for thirty-five years, and if Richard thinks it's time to go with what Digger wants, then it's fine with her. She says that now she doesn't have to worry about a party: "I can just relax and hang out." A startled Lorelai says, "Mom..." Emily says she should go, since she's wasting all of her "hanging-out time." Emily gets up to leave and asks her to apologize to Sookie for her. She says she'll see Lorelai on Friday night. She leaves. These are the scenes that make me truly love this show.
But this one's good, too. Kirk's actually having a good date, much to the surprise of Luke. Lulu's touching Kirk's hand, telling him he's funny. She giggles and tells him, "That's amazing! You sound just like him." Luke puts the filter in and the coffee pot on and is concentrating on making a new pot when he hears "Luke" right over his shoulder. Luke is startled at how close Kirk suddenly is to him. Kirk says he needs Luke's help. He asks if Lulu's still at the table. Luke says she's still there. Kirk grabs Luke and says, "I don't know what to do." Luke takes Kirk's hands off his arms and says that everything's going fine. Kirk says that's exactly the problem: he's never had a date go well and he has no idea what the hell is going on. "Doesn't that seem weird to you?" Luke admits that it's strange, but that there's no need to question it. He tells Kirk to go back over there. Kirk says that Lulu was looking directly at him, so he thought there had to have been something on his lip, but there wasn't: "She was just looking at me." He'd prepared many small-talk subjects, and he hasn't used one of them yet. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to sneak out when he's in the bathroom, leaving him humiliated. He's been to the bathroom three times now, even when he didn't have to go, and she's always still there: "And she's smiling and hey, did you see her touch my arm? What the hell was that about?" Luke says he thinks Lulu might like Kirk. Kirk grabs Luke and starts roughing him up. "Shut up!" he says. "You take that back!" Luke says he's not going to fight with Kirk over this: "To be honest with you, I'm a little fuzzy on the why myself, but bottom line is she does." He tells Kirk that there's a frightening chance that this girl might touch him again tonight. He tells Kirk that he should probably go back over there and do what he was doing. Kirk confesses he was doing his Jon Cryer from Pretty In Pink impression. Luke says, "Duckie?" Kirk says yes. Luke asks if he's at the end of the movie yet. Kirk says he's just getting to the "Try A Little Tenderness" part. Well, look who watched a movie. Maybe Luke and I have the same taste. Luke tells Kirk go get back over there because Lulu likes him. Kirk repeats it to himself and leaves. "God help us one and all," Luke says.
Lorelai's asking someone on the phone to leave another message that she called as Sookie throws away broccoli tarts. Nice waste of food, Sook. She's upset because she was going to use the money from catering Emily's party on a down payment for a safer car. She says that Davey will now have to fend for himself, rolling around in the back of Jackson's truck. Rory shows up, and yells. Lorelai yells back that they're in the kitchen. Rory complains that she lost her study tree. She says she's going to flunk out of Yale now that she can't study. Sookie complains that she's going to be eating broccoli tarts for the four years. Lorelai yells at Rory to suck it up and stop complaining because she's in college now and not two. She tells Sookie that kids used to travel in covered wagons, so little Davey will be okay without his minivan. Rory and Sookie can't believe the bug that crawled up Lorelai's ass. Lorelai says she'll be back later, and she doesn't want to see any tarts when she gets home. "Grab a fork," Sookie says to Rory, who runs for the silverware drawer.
Digger's office. Who cares what time it is. Okay, this whole Digger Flirts thing makes me uncomfortable, because he hits on Lorelai so hard and so sleezily. Anyway, he's impressed with how she grew up, and she complains that he hasn't returned any of her calls. Digger says he'll call her now. "What's your number?" Lorelai: "976-Bite Me."
Digger invites Lorelai to his office and excuses his secretary. Lorelai says she wants him to know he can't just waltz into people's lives and take over. "I don't waltz at all," Digger says. "It's embarrassing, and a little gay." Lorelai says that people were hired for this party and were counting on the money from the launch party. She says it was out of line for Digger to walk in and crap all over Emily's parties, making her feel obsolete. Digger says that Richard and Emily hadn't told him about the party. Lorelai says they wouldn't have, because they're inconsiderate and self-centered, but they've been doing that for years so they have dibs. But when Digger found out about the party, he should have cancelled his plans. Digger says it was too late for that, somehow. Digger says he never called Emily obsolete -- just cocktail parties. Lorelai says she knows Digger knows he put Emily out of work, and that she's a corporate wife, because Digger's mother does the same thing. Digger says that taking these parties away from his mother would leave her more time with the pool boy. Lorelai says Digger made Emily feel small and unceremoniously cancelled something she'd been working on for days. Lorelai complains that because of it, Lorelai herself got fired, because she was going to cater. "Get out of town!" Digger says with much sarcasm, shocked that Lorelai would know anything about kitchens. Here's where we find out that Digger and Lorelai have known each other since they were kids, and in summer camp one year, Digger soaked the front of Lorelai's shirt. "I remember," he says. "Green t-shirt, no bra." He says he was the hero of Cabin Five. Lorelai says Digger will apologize to Emily, which he agrees to do. Lorelai says he'll give the party back to Emily, which he doesn't agree to. She calls him "Digger"; he calls her "Umlauts." Lorelai is aghast. There's some arguing over the nicknames. Digger says he'll apologize to Emily, but that's it. Lorelai tells him to let Emily have her party. He says he'll take Lorelai out to dinner instead. Lorelai says that she's not having dinner with him because he got her fired and insulted her mother. Digger says he didn't think Emily and Lorelai were so close. "We're not," Lorelai admits. Digger says Lorelai's being rather protective of Emily. Lorelai says that every family has a Fredo. (Isn't this the second Fredo-referenced episode this season? ["The second overall; that was the first this season." -- Wing Chun]) Digger says that Fredo got two in the back of the head. Digger tells Lorelai to have dinner with him. Lorelai says she won't. Digger says that Emily would hate it if she did. Lorelai agrees that Emily would hate it. Moment of silence. And just like when Traci Lords got Lorelai to buy a lawn jockey, now she's datin' the Digger. She smiles. "You suck," she says. Digger chuckles.
Rory finds her study tree. Jess 2.0 is leaning against it again, still reading the same magazine. He says he got there first. Rory apologizes for the other day. She says sometimes she gets too wound up and too stressed, but that college is about change, so she'll have to learn to go with the flow. She apologizes for interrupting him again. She hands him twenty bucks for the tree. He takes the money and leaves. Rory has her tree and her virginity. Fade out.
week: Get out your Art History books.