A-Tisket, A-Tasket

CuteDean finds Rory searching through baskets. He asks Rory whether Cardigan Man is behind him. He's not, so they kiss awkwardly. Jess, pretending to need some Super Glue, interrupts them, of course. He calls their kiss a "vertical From Here to Eternity moment." They've even got CuteDean going "Jess!" like he's saying, "Newman!" Jess smarms away so CuteDean can tell Rory that he hates Jess. Rory sticks up for Jess for no reason. She says she wishes they could start over so that CuteDean and Jess could get along since Jess lives there and goes to school with CuteDean. That's such bullshit. CuteDean isn't the one making problems, and she knows it. CuteDean says he's fine with just hating Jess. Rory says she thinks it's a waste of time. We've been saying Jess is a waste of time all season, Rory, but they still haven't gotten rid of him. Rory and CuteDean make plans for the evening, chit-chat, and kiss awkwardly again. CuteDean walks off as Jess smarms up saying there's a two-for-one sale on the glue. Finally, the opening credits.

Independence Inn. They're back to using the iMac instead of the giant reservations book as Lorelai makes reservations for someone. The camera turns, and we can see they're just using a simple calendar template from Microsoft Word. Lorelai starts asking the guest on the phone whether he or she plans to make up with his or her significant other in time to need one bed or two; as she talks, she opens an envelope. She looks through the contents of the envelope and makes a noise like she's shocked. She tells the person to call back later, and hangs up.

Lorelai storms into the kitchen and tells Sookie that Miss Patty is trying to get Lorelai a man. The envelope contains headshots and résumés of the top three contenders. Two of them have run with the bulls. Lorelai says this is humiliating. Sookie reminds Lorelai that Miss Patty just loves Lorelai. Jackson walks in, and Sookie screams for him to cover his eyes. She's working on so much food that's all going to go into his basket, and she doesn't want him to see what it is. Jackson doesn't want to cover his eyes, but he does. Lorelai leaves to call Miss Patty. She shouts that one of the contenders has seen Ghostbusters one hundred and twenty-four times. "Can you say 'score'?" she asks. Sookie turns Jackson around so he can look at her. He tells her that his lease is up, and he has to decide whether he needs to renew it. He says he told his landlord that he needed to talk to Sookie first. Sookie doesn't understand why he's asking her. She says that she likes his kitchen and living room, but doesn't really like the house across the street. She doesn't see why he's asking her, and he doesn't come out and say why he's asking her, so he gets angry, and she gets cheery. Jackson pouts off, and Sookie doesn't notice a thing. The sous chef who looks like Subway's Jared stares at Sookie like, "Dude."

CuteDean and Rory are talking off near the gazebo. CuteDean says he's going to kill Jess. Rory says he was probably just kidding around. CuteDean says he knows that Jess was messing with him. He asks why Jess would do this. He's tired of Jess fucking with him. The two worst lines of the episode are then uttered. Rory: "Maybe he was hungry." CuteDean: "He's trying to make me crazy." It's like CuteDean loves Jess all of a sudden with this secret crush. Jess walks up and says something stupid about small-town life. He says to Rory, "So, shall we?" "'Shall we' what?" CuteDean asks. Then, for some reason, the camera angle changes so there's a close-up on Jess or CuteDean, depending on who's delivering the line, and it looks like my "Teach Yourself French" videotapes. Jess says that the person who buys the basket wins the company of the woman who made the basket. He'd like to have his picnic with Rory now. He points at CuteDean and calls him "Guy Who Didn't Bring Enough Money." CuteDean snarls and asks Jess if he thinks this is funny. Jess says it's no Lenny Bruce routine, but it has its moments. More back and forth about where Rory is going that doesn't involve Rory talking. Jess calls CuteDean Edgar Bergen and says he'd rather hear what Charlie McCarthy has to say. Rory, for some reason I don't understand, says she's going to go on the picnic with Jess because he won the basket. Break up with her, CuteDean. She doesn't deserve you anymore. ["I totally agree. Then, stick fucking Jess in a sack of rocks and throw him in the ocean." -- Wing Chun] Rory says she and Lorelai have been doing this every year. Then she somehow tries to blame this on Cardigan Man, saying that he'll be pissed at her if she breaks tradition. CuteDean says that this isn't school, and that Rory isn't getting graded. Point for CuteDean on that one. Rory says this isn't a big thing. CuteDean tells Rory not to go. Jess develops a Southern accent to say, "Geez, man! She's not shipping off to 'Nam!" CuteDean avoids eye contact to tell Jess to "so shut up." Rory again doesn't see why CuteDean is angry. She says it's just lunch. "No," CuteDean says. Rory asks what he thinks is going to happen. Jess says he'd like to know as well. "I don't want you to go," CuteDean repeats. Rory whines and says it's no big deal. She has had her hands in her pockets this entire time, gesturing with her hands in her coat. CuteDean throws up his hands and says, "Fine!" He storms away completely in the right. Rory runs after him.

Rory follows CuteDean and asks him not to walk away "like that." CuteDean delivers a clunky line about how he'd do a silly walk right now if he were feeling more like John Cleese. Rory keeps her hands in her pockets and starts the "this isn't my fault" bullshit. Why can't she just give Jess ninety dollars? ["Or a swift kick in the nuts? Or a mouthful of bloody Chiclets? I HATE HIM. I don't even love to hate him. It brings me no satisfaction to hate him. He just completely sucks in every possible way and wrecks the show whenever he's on it with his total, unadulterated sucking. Rrrrr." -- Wing Chun] Rory says she wouldn't do this on purpose and that she'd never do anything to hurt CuteDean. CuteDean tells her that she's hurting him right now. He walks away as Rory just watches. Break up with her, CuteDean. She's no good for you. Drive off in her car before she fucks Jess in it. ["YEAH." -- Wing Chun]

Cardigan Man sells a basket for twenty-five dollars. It's time for Sookie's basket. Sookie points at the basket and looks at Jackson so he knows that's her basket. Jackson is too pissed at Sookie to care. Kirk bids ten dollars. They guy behind Kirk outbids him. Sookie motions for Jackson to bid, but he doesn't. Kirk and the other guy outbid each other, with a moment where Kirk outbids himself. Sookie tries to stop the bidding, but Cardigan Man won't let her. The other guy, named Andrew (so they can do the "Andrew!" "Jackson!" joke), wants to know if the basket has pie. Cardigan Man says there are no contingencies. Kirk wins the basket for thirty-five dollars. Sookie runs after Jackson, yelling at him for not bidding on her basket after she told him that it was hers. Jackson says it didn't feel right to bid on the basket. Sookie complains that she put four kinds of pesto and other food things in there. And the basket is an edible pretzel with a goat cheese filling. Now that I'd love to eat. Seriously. Jackson has to beat it into Sookie that he's upset that she didn't want to move in with him. Jackson says that things are going really well with them and he wanted to take it up to another level. Sookie says she hadn't even thought about it. Jackson starts to leave, but Sookie says she was lying: "I have thought about it. A lot. Our bathroom would be pink." She does want to be with him, but she's nervous. He might get sick of her. He says she might get sick of him. She says that's not going to happen. Jackson says he doesn't see what the problem is. Sookie says the problem is that Kirk is going to eat her goat cheese basket. Jackson says he'll fix it. He dips her into a kiss. He leaves to get the basket back from Kirk.

Cardigan Man is pointing out a basket that came from his store. It's Lorelai's basket. Some guy bids five. Another bids ten. Lorelai tells the girl standing to her that the basket holds two stale Pop Tarts and a Slim Jim. Another guy bids. More bidding. Lorelai starts to recognize the men bidding. They all keep bidding when she realizes that they are the three from Patty's envelope. Lorelai scurries over to Miss Patty. Miss Patty tells Lorelai that she can't be trusted to do it herself. Lorelai runs away....

...and over to Luke's. She tells Luke that he has to come with her. She takes his plates and gives them to Luke's assistant. Lorelai punches Luke's cash register trying to get the money out of it. Lorelai explains that Miss Patty thinks she needs a man. Luke says Lorelai does need a man -- one with a nice couch and extensive knowledge of Freud. She tells Luke he has to bid on her basket. Luke doesn't want to participate in anything Stars Hollow (and, I guess, neither do his customers). Luke tells her to bid on her own basket. Lorelai says she can't do that because it would be pathetic. Luke points out that chasing him around his diner is pretty pathetic as well. Lorelai says that it's a different kind of pathetic and not pathetic pathetic, and that she needs Luke to save her from the double pathetic. Luke storms off to buy her basket. Instead of saying "thank you," Lorelai says, "Hurry up!"

Because that scene took so long, they've got the three guys bidding in increments of fifty cents instead of the five or ten dollars from earlier. Luke complains that this basket is going to cost him fifty dollars, and that there's probably two stale Pop Tarts and a Slim Jim inside. Luke bids $52.50. One of the bidders said they aren't supposed to go over fifty. Tell that to Jess and CuteDean, buddy. Luke wins the basket, and Lorelai doesn't give him the $52.50 because she's Lorelai and doesn't think of other people. She apologizes to the three losers, making fun of their hobbies as she parades Luke to the front of the crowd. Cardigan Man announces that the auction is over, even though he's still standing in front of some baskets.

Lorelai tells Luke that now they have to sit and have a picnic. Luke complains that he now has to eat this thing even after he bought it. He asks whether Lorelai eats with her mouth open. Like he doesn't know. Lorelai says that women don't eat; they just look at food and then hop on a treadmill. They leave to go picnic.

In a strangely shot scene, Rory stands with her hands in her pockets, staring into space. Jess comes up behind her and says that nobody is there. He asks if she's going after CuteDean. "Not right now," she says. Instead, she leaves to go on her picnic with Jess. How long was Rory standing there? She had to have watched him walk all the way home.

Jackson finds Kirk sitting on a bench sorting through his basket. Kirk asks what one jar holds. Jackson says it's a pineapple-cranberry chutney. Kirk makes a "yucky" noise. Jackson explains to Kirk that Sookie made this basket for Jackson, as Kirk audibly searches for his carrot sticks. He says that every lunch has carrot sticks, preferably the crinkle-cut ones. Jackson says that he and Sookie have made up from their fight, and now he'd like the basket back. Kirk says that this is his basket, and that he bought this basket, and so it is his. Jackson says he'll pay Kirk forty-five dollars, which is ten more than Kirk paid for the basket. Kirk says no. Jackson offers fifty. Kirk says no. Jackson says he'll buy Kirk another basket. Kirk doesn't want another basket. He says that just because Jackson has a girlfriend doesn't mean he gets to bully those without girlfriends. Jackson says he wasn't trying to bully Kirk. Kirk is going on about how he hasn't had a basket in years. His mother didn't even make him a basket. Twelve brothers and sisters and they all got baskets but he didn't. He's the only one without a basket. Jackson realizes, and asks for Kirk's asking price. It's $250. "Twelve brothers and sisters," he deadpans. Jackson asks if Kirk would take a check. Kirk says he'll need two forms of ID. Jackson says that Kirk had better be as pathetic as he sounds. "Oh, trust me," Kirk moans.

Henry hasn't called Lane on the pay phone yet. He's an hour late. She borrows a quarter from David. The phone is dead. Lane panics and runs off.

Sookie and Jackson are having their picnic. Sookie says she can't believe that Kirk wouldn't take his check. "Well, apparently I don't look like my picture," Jackson says. He's now paying Kirk off in weekly installments of crinkle-cut carrot sticks. Sookie says she's glad they made up. So is Jackson. Sookie says that if he still wants to talk about moving in together, they could talk about it now. Jackson says he doesn't really want to anymore. He's having second thoughts. He says that living together isn't such a big deal. Sookie pouts and agrees, all sad that she blew her chance instead of just BEING HONEST and TALKING to him. I don't understand how anyone dates with the dishonesty and the sneaking and the hiding of emotion. Seriously. Jackson says he thinks they should get married. Sookie holds back her tears. "Soon," he says. "Are you pregnant?" she asks. Sookie cries and says yes. They kiss. She says that this means they'll have to live together. He says he knows that. They kiss again.

Gazebo. Lorelai tells Luke that his burgers taste better outside. He says that if the roof of the diner starts leaking, he'll just rip it off. Lorelai tries to get Luke to admit that this is nice. There's an argument about which one is more stubborn. Lorelai says that as long as everything is exactly the way she wants it to be, she can be totally flexible. Lorelai offers a fry. Luke offers a carrot. They both decline. Luke asks who Lorelai wanted to get her basket. Lorelai says that last year she sold it to the sprinker guy who fixed her sprinklers half-price. This year, her rain gutters are completely clogged, so she thought she could work her magic on the Collins kid. Luke says she's very practical. She says this is also a nice concept -- having someone you love or have a crush on bid on your basket and then having a romantic lunch with him. Luke says he's sure someday she'll find the right guy for this thing. Lorelai agrees that someday that will happen. Luke sighs and says that this is nice.

CuteDean interrupts, of course, and tells Lorelai that he has to talk to her. Lorelai just leaves Luke as she normally would do. CuteDean says he's not doing so well. Lorelai says it's no big deal. CuteDean says he's trying to convince himself of that, but he just can't. He says he's worried about Rory. He thinks Jess is trouble. He says that he's always had a feeling about him. CuteDean says Jess is a jerk, which is the lowest word you can use on a WB teen drama. He says that Jess fights in school, when he shows up. He says that Jess is always around. Lorelai tells CuteDean that he's jealous. CuteDean says that Rory always being nice to everybody is going to get her into trouble. CuteDean always talks like he's out of breath and like he's reading his lines from far away. He says that Jess is just using Rory to get to CuteDean. That's pretty funny. I would totally think that Rory is taking advantage of CuteDean to spend time with Jess. Lorelai tells CuteDean that he just has to trust Rory. She says Rory won't do anything to mess this up. CuteDean walks away. Why doesn't anyone say goodbye in this town?

Friday dinner. The whole week has passed. Lorelai and Rory eat in silence as Emily drones on that Richard has joined a cigar club and it's gross and he smells like cigars and she doesn't approve of his disgusting new hobby. For the first time in Gilmore Girls history, this is the moment when both I and the person with whom I'm watching the show fall completely asleep. I watch the rest of the episode the day. Emily asks what's going on with Rory and Lorelai. Rory gets a page. Lorelai asks who it is. Rory won't tell her. She says it's CuteDean, but Lorelai doesn't believe her. They eventually start fighting at the table. Emily finds out what's going on (we're already caught up, so I'll spare you the recap again), and tells Rory that she has to listen to her mother. Rory can somehow just excuse herself from the table while she's being disciplined, and then does. She just leaves and walks off.

Rory pouts in Richard's study. Rory and I have the same sweater. Rory walks over to Richard's desk and gets on the phone. She calls Lane's house. MamaLane answers, "Kim's Antiques. We're closed. Call tomorrow." Rory says she'll never again call after nine, but she'd really like to talk to Lane just this once. MamaLane agrees and walks up to Lane's room. Through the closed door she tells Lane that the phone is for her. "But it's after nine o' clock," Lane says through the door. MamaLane says it's okay and that it's Rory. For some reason, Lane says she doesn't want to talk right now, and thus ruins her one moment of freedom. MamaLane tells Rory that Lane isn't feeling well and that they'll have to talk tomorrow. That's what you get for ignoring Lane, Rory.

MamaLane knocks on Lane's door and lets herself in. Lane is crying in her bed. She says she's tired. MamaLane tells her to come down and have some tea. She says she has these rules in place for a reason. Lane asks if they can just talk about it tomorrow. MamaLane says that she makes these rules so that Lane won't get hurt by boys. She says that American boys aren't respectful of feelings. This is why she made these rules. Lane is too young and vulnerable. She says she doesn't like this at all. She demands to know who this boy is. "Henry Cho," Lane says. "'Cho'?" MamaLane asks. "'Cho' sounds Korean." Lane says that Henry is Korean. MamaLane keeps asking Lane if she's sure Henry's Korean. Lane says he is smart, wonderful, cute, and is going to be a doctor. He goes to church and is a counselor at Bible Camp, and he liked her. "A doctor!" MamaLane whispers. Lane says she was so stupid and she should have just introduced Henry to her mother. And now he's gone. "Maybe I could call his mother," MamaLane says. She sits on the bed and asks, "You sure he was Korean?"

Lorelai and Emily are drinking at the dinner table as Lorelai moans that she's never liked Jess. Emily totally agrees with Lorelai "one hundred percent." She says that Lorelai will just have to stick to her instincts and be a mother this time. She says that Rory's a good girl, but that good girls can go bad with the wrong influences. She has to make sure that Rory doesn't make the wrong choice and get herself into trouble. She says that Lorelai has to be Rory's eyes and ears and brain right now, because Rory's too young to make her own decisions. Lorelai freaks out and leaves the table. She does excuse herself, however.

Upstairs in the study, Lorelai comes in and asks Rory to listen to her. She says she doesn't want to lock her up and throw away the key. She doesn't want to be her eyes and ears and brain. She says Rory's judgment means something to her. She says she didn't mean to violate the Cool Mom Clause they have going. She is concerned about Jess, but she'll trust Rory to make the smart decision. She says she'll respect Rory's judgment, but she wants her to be the Boy in the Plastic Bubble kind of careful. She tells Rory to cut CuteDean some slack, too. He just wigged and came to Lorelai to talk to someone. They declare their fight over. They get up to walk downstairs. Lorelai tells Rory that Emily agreed with Lorelai tonight. "I'm so sorry," Rory moans.

Back at the house, Lorelai says she needs a shower to get the film of Emily's agreement off her. She goes upstairs. Rory walks into her room and calls Jess.

Jess is just hanging out on a Friday night reading The Fountainhead like any other small-town bad boy. They make casual teen phone talk that's mostly talking about nothing as the strummy music takes over. They flirt as Jess stares at the bracelet in his hand.

week, Christopher is back. He brings his new girlfriend. Lorelai hates her. Emily is pissed off about something.