I don't like Jess. It's not the writing's fault, even though he's stereotypical. I didn't mind the stereotype when Dean's nemesis was named Tristan. I think the actor playing Jess isn't charismatic. I don't want Rory to be with him because I think he's boring and predictable. And not too cute. And smarmy. And boring.
Buckle up for the "Previously." Lorelai told Jess that Luke's a good guy. Jess asked whether Lorelai was sleeping with Luke, and told her to lay off him. Lane liked Henry. Jess and Lorelai yelled at each other. Rory played conduit for Henry and Lane's relationship. Sookie asked Jackson out on a date. Lorelai told Luke that Jess has problems. CuteDean and Jess fake-fought. Jackson told Sookie he wasn't ready for marriage, but that he'd be ready to move in. Sookie though he was telling a funny joke. Jess wrote in Rory's book. She called him "Dodger."
The gazebo is decorated, so Stars Hollow must be having a celebration. The signs read "Stars Hollow Bid on a Basket Fundraiser." And "Win Yourself a Delicious Home Cooked Picnic Lunch." The last one reads "Sunday at 12 noon" so we can all nitpick the time inconsistencies. "All proceeds go to the Stars Hollow Retirement Home." "All Signs sponsored by Doose's Market." Sign humor. Lorelai tells Rory that she's saving herself for William Holden. Rory reminds Lorelai that William Holden is dead. "Every great relationship has its obstacles," Lorelai reminds Rory. "You'd know that if you weren't dating Andy Hardy." I hate it when I don't know the reference. ["William Holden is from Sunset Boulevard and the original Sabrina, among many others. Andy Hardy is a character played by Mickey Rooney in several movies from the '30s and '40s, but he neither looked nor behaved like Dean, so it's a lame reference." -- Wing Chun]
Inside Doose's Market, Rory and Lorelai are searching through the basket selection. Lorelai says she doesn't want a basket that's too big, since she's just putting leftovers from the fridge inside it. She says this ceremony is cute. The women make food, the men bid on it, "and the world rotates backwards on its axis." At least this time they're acknowledging how anti-feminist this entire thing is, unlike "That Damn Donna Reed," where everybody worked hard to please the men. Rory says she thinks this is fun. Lorelai says that's because she has a pretty boy to bid on her basket. They split up to look for more baskets. Lorelai walks over to Miss Patty and says hello. Miss Patty searches through her wallet and brags that she bought her basket weeks ago. She says she's getting the husband itch again. She asks whether Lorelai has change for a dollar. There's a joke about quarters down g-strings. Miss Patty drops a picture out of her wallet. She tells Lorelai not to pick it up, but Lorelai does. It's a picture of her. Of Lorelai. In Miss Patty's wallet. Lorelai demands an explanation. "I'm a stalker?" Miss Patty tries. Miss Patty confesses that she uses the picture when she's trying to find dates for Lorelai. Lorelai moans and asks Miss Patty not to help Lorelai find someone. Miss Patty says that Lorelai deserves a nice guy, and that she's no good at finding them. Lorelai whines, and Miss Patty agrees to knock it off. Lorelai keeps the picture and walks away. "Stubborn girl," Miss Patty hisses.
CuteDean finds Rory searching through baskets. He asks Rory whether Cardigan Man is behind him. He's not, so they kiss awkwardly. Jess, pretending to need some Super Glue, interrupts them, of course. He calls their kiss a "vertical From Here to Eternity moment." They've even got CuteDean going "Jess!" like he's saying, "Newman!" Jess smarms away so CuteDean can tell Rory that he hates Jess. Rory sticks up for Jess for no reason. She says she wishes they could start over so that CuteDean and Jess could get along since Jess lives there and goes to school with CuteDean. That's such bullshit. CuteDean isn't the one making problems, and she knows it. CuteDean says he's fine with just hating Jess. Rory says she thinks it's a waste of time. We've been saying Jess is a waste of time all season, Rory, but they still haven't gotten rid of him. Rory and CuteDean make plans for the evening, chit-chat, and kiss awkwardly again. CuteDean walks off as Jess smarms up saying there's a two-for-one sale on the glue. Finally, the opening credits.
Independence Inn. They're back to using the iMac instead of the giant reservations book as Lorelai makes reservations for someone. The camera turns, and we can see they're just using a simple calendar template from Microsoft Word. Lorelai starts asking the guest on the phone whether he or she plans to make up with his or her significant other in time to need one bed or two; as she talks, she opens an envelope. She looks through the contents of the envelope and makes a noise like she's shocked. She tells the person to call back later, and hangs up.
Lorelai storms into the kitchen and tells Sookie that Miss Patty is trying to get Lorelai a man. The envelope contains headshots and résumés of the top three contenders. Two of them have run with the bulls. Lorelai says this is humiliating. Sookie reminds Lorelai that Miss Patty just loves Lorelai. Jackson walks in, and Sookie screams for him to cover his eyes. She's working on so much food that's all going to go into his basket, and she doesn't want him to see what it is. Jackson doesn't want to cover his eyes, but he does. Lorelai leaves to call Miss Patty. She shouts that one of the contenders has seen Ghostbusters one hundred and twenty-four times. "Can you say 'score'?" she asks. Sookie turns Jackson around so he can look at her. He tells her that his lease is up, and he has to decide whether he needs to renew it. He says he told his landlord that he needed to talk to Sookie first. Sookie doesn't understand why he's asking her. She says that she likes his kitchen and living room, but doesn't really like the house across the street. She doesn't see why he's asking her, and he doesn't come out and say why he's asking her, so he gets angry, and she gets cheery. Jackson pouts off, and Sookie doesn't notice a thing. The sous chef who looks like Subway's Jared stares at Sookie like, "Dude."
Lorelai and Rory carry their baskets through Stars Hollow as Lorelai beams how great it is that this festival always takes place the day after trash day. Then all of the stuff you would have just thrown away gets put in the basket. GG Heads note: trash day is Saturday. Lane walks up and says that she's figured everything out. She's having her cousin David come to bid on her basket, which is the basket her mother made, full of health food. She has a real basket that's for Henry. She's giving this basket to Rory to hold until she goes on her "picnic" with David, at which time she'll switch boys and have her real picnic with a real basket with Henry for her first official date. The basket she made for Henry holds meatball heroes, chips, a change of clothes, makeup, makeup remover, and three temporary tattoos. She leaves to sneak back into her house. Lorelai gets all nostalgic about the days when she used to lie to her mother about a boy. She says she had a boy hide in her closet while Emily prattled on all night. She eventually pretended to get sick to her stomach long enough for Emily to leave the room so that the boy could sneak out and jump out the window, where he fell off a tree and broke his leg. "Ah, to be young again," Lorelai smiles.
Cardigan Man is running the auction, of course. All thirty people of Stars Hollow have arrived. The first basket we see auctioned is Lane's, i.e. the one that MamaLane packed. Lane gives a head motion to cousin David, who understands that he's to bid on this basket. He makes a bid. Kirk tries to up the bid. MamaLane gives Kirk a fierce stink-eye. Kirk backs down with an immediate "withdrawn," and David wins the basket. Cardigan Man reminds David that he can always stick a couple of rolls of toilet paper in the basket and put it in his bathroom for a decorative convenience. David escapes Cardigan Man just in time. Rory's is , and Cardigan Man reminds the crowd that good things come in small packages, like Rory's basket. "How badly does he want to be hosting a game show?" Lorelai asks. Cardigan Man starts the bidding at three dollars. Before Rory can finish protesting, CuteDean has upped the bid to five. Jess bids ten. Everybody stares at Jess. Cardigan Man asks if he hears fifteen. Jess answers by raising the bid to twenty. Cardigan Man asks for twenty-five. CuteDean raises it to thirty. Cardigan Man stops to tell the boys they don't seem to understand the concept of bidding. Jess bids forty. CuteDean bids fifty. Cardigan Man reminds them that the basket is very tiny. I'll leave that dirty joke alone. Jess bids seventy-five. CuteDean's face does something very strange when he's angry. He bids eighty. Rory says that CuteDean doesn't have eighty dollars. Jess bids ninety. CuteDean has to stop bidding. "Sold to the nice, young hoodlum in the back for ninety dollars," Cardigan Man celebrates. Lorelai tries to think of the positive part of this situation, but can't really come up with anything. Rory says she'd better go talk to CuteDean. Jess marches in triumph past CuteDean as Rory walks up. CuteDean snorts, watches Jess hold Rory's tiny basket, and storms off.
CuteDean and Rory are talking off near the gazebo. CuteDean says he's going to kill Jess. Rory says he was probably just kidding around. CuteDean says he knows that Jess was messing with him. He asks why Jess would do this. He's tired of Jess fucking with him. The two worst lines of the episode are then uttered. Rory: "Maybe he was hungry." CuteDean: "He's trying to make me crazy." It's like CuteDean loves Jess all of a sudden with this secret crush. Jess walks up and says something stupid about small-town life. He says to Rory, "So, shall we?" "'Shall we' what?" CuteDean asks. Then, for some reason, the camera angle changes so there's a close-up on Jess or CuteDean, depending on who's delivering the line, and it looks like my "Teach Yourself French" videotapes. Jess says that the person who buys the basket wins the company of the woman who made the basket. He'd like to have his picnic with Rory now. He points at CuteDean and calls him "Guy Who Didn't Bring Enough Money." CuteDean snarls and asks Jess if he thinks this is funny. Jess says it's no Lenny Bruce routine, but it has its moments. More back and forth about where Rory is going that doesn't involve Rory talking. Jess calls CuteDean Edgar Bergen and says he'd rather hear what Charlie McCarthy has to say. Rory, for some reason I don't understand, says she's going to go on the picnic with Jess because he won the basket. Break up with her, CuteDean. She doesn't deserve you anymore. ["I totally agree. Then, stick fucking Jess in a sack of rocks and throw him in the ocean." -- Wing Chun] Rory says she and Lorelai have been doing this every year. Then she somehow tries to blame this on Cardigan Man, saying that he'll be pissed at her if she breaks tradition. CuteDean says that this isn't school, and that Rory isn't getting graded. Point for CuteDean on that one. Rory says this isn't a big thing. CuteDean tells Rory not to go. Jess develops a Southern accent to say, "Geez, man! She's not shipping off to 'Nam!" CuteDean avoids eye contact to tell Jess to "so shut up." Rory again doesn't see why CuteDean is angry. She says it's just lunch. "No," CuteDean says. Rory asks what he thinks is going to happen. Jess says he'd like to know as well. "I don't want you to go," CuteDean repeats. Rory whines and says it's no big deal. She has had her hands in her pockets this entire time, gesturing with her hands in her coat. CuteDean throws up his hands and says, "Fine!" He storms away completely in the right. Rory runs after him.
Rory follows CuteDean and asks him not to walk away "like that." CuteDean delivers a clunky line about how he'd do a silly walk right now if he were feeling more like John Cleese. Rory keeps her hands in her pockets and starts the "this isn't my fault" bullshit. Why can't she just give Jess ninety dollars? ["Or a swift kick in the nuts? Or a mouthful of bloody Chiclets? I HATE HIM. I don't even love to hate him. It brings me no satisfaction to hate him. He just completely sucks in every possible way and wrecks the show whenever he's on it with his total, unadulterated sucking. Rrrrr." -- Wing Chun] Rory says she wouldn't do this on purpose and that she'd never do anything to hurt CuteDean. CuteDean tells her that she's hurting him right now. He walks away as Rory just watches. Break up with her, CuteDean. She's no good for you. Drive off in her car before she fucks Jess in it. ["YEAH." -- Wing Chun]
Cardigan Man sells a basket for twenty-five dollars. It's time for Sookie's basket. Sookie points at the basket and looks at Jackson so he knows that's her basket. Jackson is too pissed at Sookie to care. Kirk bids ten dollars. They guy behind Kirk outbids him. Sookie motions for Jackson to bid, but he doesn't. Kirk and the other guy outbid each other, with a moment where Kirk outbids himself. Sookie tries to stop the bidding, but Cardigan Man won't let her. The other guy, named Andrew (so they can do the "Andrew!" "Jackson!" joke), wants to know if the basket has pie. Cardigan Man says there are no contingencies. Kirk wins the basket for thirty-five dollars. Sookie runs after Jackson, yelling at him for not bidding on her basket after she told him that it was hers. Jackson says it didn't feel right to bid on the basket. Sookie complains that she put four kinds of pesto and other food things in there. And the basket is an edible pretzel with a goat cheese filling. Now that I'd love to eat. Seriously. Jackson has to beat it into Sookie that he's upset that she didn't want to move in with him. Jackson says that things are going really well with them and he wanted to take it up to another level. Sookie says she hadn't even thought about it. Jackson starts to leave, but Sookie says she was lying: "I have thought about it. A lot. Our bathroom would be pink." She does want to be with him, but she's nervous. He might get sick of her. He says she might get sick of him. She says that's not going to happen. Jackson says he doesn't see what the problem is. Sookie says the problem is that Kirk is going to eat her goat cheese basket. Jackson says he'll fix it. He dips her into a kiss. He leaves to get the basket back from Kirk.
Cardigan Man is pointing out a basket that came from his store. It's Lorelai's basket. Some guy bids five. Another bids ten. Lorelai tells the girl standing to her that the basket holds two stale Pop Tarts and a Slim Jim. Another guy bids. More bidding. Lorelai starts to recognize the men bidding. They all keep bidding when she realizes that they are the three from Patty's envelope. Lorelai scurries over to Miss Patty. Miss Patty tells Lorelai that she can't be trusted to do it herself. Lorelai runs away....
...and over to Luke's. She tells Luke that he has to come with her. She takes his plates and gives them to Luke's assistant. Lorelai punches Luke's cash register trying to get the money out of it. Lorelai explains that Miss Patty thinks she needs a man. Luke says Lorelai does need a man -- one with a nice couch and extensive knowledge of Freud. She tells Luke he has to bid on her basket. Luke doesn't want to participate in anything Stars Hollow (and, I guess, neither do his customers). Luke tells her to bid on her own basket. Lorelai says she can't do that because it would be pathetic. Luke points out that chasing him around his diner is pretty pathetic as well. Lorelai says that it's a different kind of pathetic and not pathetic pathetic, and that she needs Luke to save her from the double pathetic. Luke storms off to buy her basket. Instead of saying "thank you," Lorelai says, "Hurry up!"
Because that scene took so long, they've got the three guys bidding in increments of fifty cents instead of the five or ten dollars from earlier. Luke complains that this basket is going to cost him fifty dollars, and that there's probably two stale Pop Tarts and a Slim Jim inside. Luke bids $52.50. One of the bidders said they aren't supposed to go over fifty. Tell that to Jess and CuteDean, buddy. Luke wins the basket, and Lorelai doesn't give him the $52.50 because she's Lorelai and doesn't think of other people. She apologizes to the three losers, making fun of their hobbies as she parades Luke to the front of the crowd. Cardigan Man announces that the auction is over, even though he's still standing in front of some baskets.
Lorelai tells Luke that now they have to sit and have a picnic. Luke complains that he now has to eat this thing even after he bought it. He asks whether Lorelai eats with her mouth open. Like he doesn't know. Lorelai says that women don't eat; they just look at food and then hop on a treadmill. They leave to go picnic.
In a strangely shot scene, Rory stands with her hands in her pockets, staring into space. Jess comes up behind her and says that nobody is there. He asks if she's going after CuteDean. "Not right now," she says. Instead, she leaves to go on her picnic with Jess. How long was Rory standing there? She had to have watched him walk all the way home.
Jackson finds Kirk sitting on a bench sorting through his basket. Kirk asks what one jar holds. Jackson says it's a pineapple-cranberry chutney. Kirk makes a "yucky" noise. Jackson explains to Kirk that Sookie made this basket for Jackson, as Kirk audibly searches for his carrot sticks. He says that every lunch has carrot sticks, preferably the crinkle-cut ones. Jackson says that he and Sookie have made up from their fight, and now he'd like the basket back. Kirk says that this is his basket, and that he bought this basket, and so it is his. Jackson says he'll pay Kirk forty-five dollars, which is ten more than Kirk paid for the basket. Kirk says no. Jackson offers fifty. Kirk says no. Jackson says he'll buy Kirk another basket. Kirk doesn't want another basket. He says that just because Jackson has a girlfriend doesn't mean he gets to bully those without girlfriends. Jackson says he wasn't trying to bully Kirk. Kirk is going on about how he hasn't had a basket in years. His mother didn't even make him a basket. Twelve brothers and sisters and they all got baskets but he didn't. He's the only one without a basket. Jackson realizes, and asks for Kirk's asking price. It's $250. "Twelve brothers and sisters," he deadpans. Jackson asks if Kirk would take a check. Kirk says he'll need two forms of ID. Jackson says that Kirk had better be as pathetic as he sounds. "Oh, trust me," Kirk moans.
Henry hasn't called Lane on the pay phone yet. He's an hour late. She borrows a quarter from David. The phone is dead. Lane panics and runs off.
Lorelai complains to Luke that they're in the gazebo and not eating their picnic on the ground. She says that picnics are always on the ground. Luke says he thinks eating on the ground is pretty stupid. Lane runs up and asks Lorelai for her cell phone. Luke stands up and leaves. He says he's going to the diner to get them some real food that they can eat. Lorelai pretends to be insulted and threatens to pout. Luke adds that he'll also bring some brownies. "Ooh. The pouting has left the building," she flirts.
Lane runs over to a tree to call Henry. Henry stops reading Time magazine and picks up the phone. He confesses that he called Lane's house and accidentally asked for her. Then he covered it up by saying he was selling subscriptions to The Wall Street Journal. Lane tries to fix everything and come up with a new, secret rendezvous. Henry isn't into hiding and sneaking anymore. He says he can't break up with her since they've never gone out. He likes her, but he'd like to be able to pick her up and call her. Lane says she'll tell her mother soon. Henry says that he's got prom coming up, so he asked someone else to prom, assuming that she couldn't go. Lane starts crying and hangs up the phone.
Lane walks home with the basket. MamaLane says that David came by fifteen minutes ago. She starts drilling Lane, asking who her secret boy is who sells Wall Street Journal subscriptions. Lane has totally stolen Lorelai's cell phone, by the way. She's still holding it. Lane says there's no boy. MamaLane says that boys are against the rules. She says that if Lane is sneaking and lying, there must be something wrong with the boy. Lane says the boy is perfect, but now he's taking someone else to the prom because she was too afraid to introduce him to MamaLane. MamaLane yells for Lane to go upstairs and calm down. Lane screams, "Fine!" a couple of times and stomps upstairs. MamaLane shouts that Lane doesn't sound like she's calming down.
Jess walks Rory out to the bridge for their picnic. Rory's hands are still shoved into her pockets. She's just gesturing inside her coat. It's so annoying. Jess points out the place where Luke tossed him into the water. Rory asks why Jess outbid CuteDean. Jess says it started out as just a joke, but once CuteDean got so mad, it was funny because CuteDean is so tall, and Jess couldn't believe how tall and mad he got. Rory says it wasn't funny. Jess says he didn't intend to outbid him. Rory says she doesn't want to be in a fight with CuteDean. Jess asks if she wants to throw him in the lake. "It's cathartic," he says. Rory says she might in a little bit. Jess opens the basket. He says there's nothing in there that he'd consider eating. Rory says she didn't make it for him. Jess opens a Tupperware container and asks if CuteDean would have eaten its contents. Rory says he would. Jess takes a bite. He's grossed out by the food and calls CuteDean an idiot. Rory smiles and says that CuteDean wouldn't have fallen for that in the first place.
Sookie and Jackson are having their picnic. Sookie says she can't believe that Kirk wouldn't take his check. "Well, apparently I don't look like my picture," Jackson says. He's now paying Kirk off in weekly installments of crinkle-cut carrot sticks. Sookie says she's glad they made up. So is Jackson. Sookie says that if he still wants to talk about moving in together, they could talk about it now. Jackson says he doesn't really want to anymore. He's having second thoughts. He says that living together isn't such a big deal. Sookie pouts and agrees, all sad that she blew her chance instead of just BEING HONEST and TALKING to him. I don't understand how anyone dates with the dishonesty and the sneaking and the hiding of emotion. Seriously. Jackson says he thinks they should get married. Sookie holds back her tears. "Soon," he says. "Are you pregnant?" she asks. Sookie cries and says yes. They kiss. She says that this means they'll have to live together. He says he knows that. They kiss again.
Gazebo. Lorelai tells Luke that his burgers taste better outside. He says that if the roof of the diner starts leaking, he'll just rip it off. Lorelai tries to get Luke to admit that this is nice. There's an argument about which one is more stubborn. Lorelai says that as long as everything is exactly the way she wants it to be, she can be totally flexible. Lorelai offers a fry. Luke offers a carrot. They both decline. Luke asks who Lorelai wanted to get her basket. Lorelai says that last year she sold it to the sprinker guy who fixed her sprinklers half-price. This year, her rain gutters are completely clogged, so she thought she could work her magic on the Collins kid. Luke says she's very practical. She says this is also a nice concept -- having someone you love or have a crush on bid on your basket and then having a romantic lunch with him. Luke says he's sure someday she'll find the right guy for this thing. Lorelai agrees that someday that will happen. Luke sighs and says that this is nice.
CuteDean interrupts, of course, and tells Lorelai that he has to talk to her. Lorelai just leaves Luke as she normally would do. CuteDean says he's not doing so well. Lorelai says it's no big deal. CuteDean says he's trying to convince himself of that, but he just can't. He says he's worried about Rory. He thinks Jess is trouble. He says that he's always had a feeling about him. CuteDean says Jess is a jerk, which is the lowest word you can use on a WB teen drama. He says that Jess fights in school, when he shows up. He says that Jess is always around. Lorelai tells CuteDean that he's jealous. CuteDean says that Rory always being nice to everybody is going to get her into trouble. CuteDean always talks like he's out of breath and like he's reading his lines from far away. He says that Jess is just using Rory to get to CuteDean. That's pretty funny. I would totally think that Rory is taking advantage of CuteDean to spend time with Jess. Lorelai tells CuteDean that he just has to trust Rory. She says Rory won't do anything to mess this up. CuteDean walks away. Why doesn't anyone say goodbye in this town?
Rory is confessing to Jess that she first read The Fountainhead when she was ten, but she didn't understand it until she was fifteen. I read it at seventeen, but I liked Atlas Shrugged much more. It was probably because I read it at nineteen. Jess says that he can't get through the book because "Ayn Rand is a political nut." Rory says that nobody could write a forty-page monologue better than she could. Is this supposed to make Jess endearing? He reads the same books as any other boy Rory's flirted with, including CuteDean, and they all hate Rory's taste in books. All of them. Rory should date her grandfather. Jess says he'll try again tomorrow if Rory gives Hemingway another chance. She agrees. ["Of course fucking Jess loves fucking Hemingway." -- Wing Chun] Jess says, "You know, Ernest Hemingway only has lov-er-ly things to say about you." I make a mental Old Man and the Sea joke here. Rory asks why Jess is only nice to her. Jess says that screwing with CuteDean is an important step in being able to sit there and be nice to her. Rory realizes that he had planned on outbidding CuteDean. Duh, Rory. Jess tries to change the subject and offers to buy her a pizza. It goes on for a while until Rory decides to get pizza with him. She walks away. Jess sees that Rory's bracelet from CuteDean has fallen off on the bridge. He picks it up and pockets it to the strummy impending breakup music.
Rory comes home late and gives Lorelai a copy of The Children's Hour that she picked up at the bookstore. Lorelai asks when she said she wanted to read that. They were watching Julia and she made the Hellman's Mayonnaise joke. Lorelai asks who Rory was with during her pizza and book buying. Rory gets awkward to say that she was with Jess. Lorelai is surprised. Rory leaves to go to her room.
Lorelai follows Rory to her room and asks how the picnic was. Rory says it was good. Lorelai asks whether the CuteDean situation has been taken care of. Rory says he's coming over later so that they can smooth things over. Lorelai says that smoothing is good. She asks how it is with Jess. Rory says it's fine. Rory asks what Lorelai wants to say. Lorelai says she never has anything to say. "Yes, that is your reputation," Rory says. Lorelai tells Rory that she's surprised she's hanging out with Jess, since he doesn't seem like a nice kid. Rory says that Lorelai doesn't know him very well. She says that she's just judging Jess based on that one time he was over. Lorelai says she can't wait to see Jess's good side. She says that based on the things she's seen and heard, the good side has yet to reveal itself. Rory asks for a list. Lorelai says, "The vandalism, the cutting school, the stealing, the fighting." Rory asks how she knows about the fighting, as if that negates all of the shitty things he's done that involve theft and porn. Lorelai says that she talked to CuteDean. Rory gets all mad and accuses CuteDean of "running to Mommy" to tattle. Ew. Lorelai says that he's really upset. Rory says that he could have talked to her. Lorelai says he couldn't because Rory was off with Jess. "You're taking his side?" Rory asks. Lorelai says she's not on either side. Rory says she wasn't off with Jess. He just outbid CuteDean. She was just following the picnic rules. Lorelai says they're all just worried about her getting hurt by Jess since he doesn't seem to be a very nice person at all. She says that Rory is young and naïve. Rory asks if Jess is no good. Lorelai says that she knows guys like Jess with the dangerous vibe, the problem with authority, and the Sylvester Stallone film addiction. Rory asks if Lorelai is now just talking about herself. I would have been so grounded. Lorelai says she knows what she's talking about. Rory is all hunched over as she says she can't believe she's having this conversation, and now she doesn't want to talk about it. Rory stomps off to take a walk. Lorelai says that CuteDean will be there any minute. Rory brats that he's probably just coming to talk to Lorelai anyway. More stomping off. My mother would smack all of these people for being so rude and sassy.
Friday dinner. The whole week has passed. Lorelai and Rory eat in silence as Emily drones on that Richard has joined a cigar club and it's gross and he smells like cigars and she doesn't approve of his disgusting new hobby. For the first time in Gilmore Girls history, this is the moment when both I and the person with whom I'm watching the show fall completely asleep. I watch the rest of the episode the day. Emily asks what's going on with Rory and Lorelai. Rory gets a page. Lorelai asks who it is. Rory won't tell her. She says it's CuteDean, but Lorelai doesn't believe her. They eventually start fighting at the table. Emily finds out what's going on (we're already caught up, so I'll spare you the recap again), and tells Rory that she has to listen to her mother. Rory can somehow just excuse herself from the table while she's being disciplined, and then does. She just leaves and walks off.
Rory pouts in Richard's study. Rory and I have the same sweater. Rory walks over to Richard's desk and gets on the phone. She calls Lane's house. MamaLane answers, "Kim's Antiques. We're closed. Call tomorrow." Rory says she'll never again call after nine, but she'd really like to talk to Lane just this once. MamaLane agrees and walks up to Lane's room. Through the closed door she tells Lane that the phone is for her. "But it's after nine o' clock," Lane says through the door. MamaLane says it's okay and that it's Rory. For some reason, Lane says she doesn't want to talk right now, and thus ruins her one moment of freedom. MamaLane tells Rory that Lane isn't feeling well and that they'll have to talk tomorrow. That's what you get for ignoring Lane, Rory.
MamaLane knocks on Lane's door and lets herself in. Lane is crying in her bed. She says she's tired. MamaLane tells her to come down and have some tea. She says she has these rules in place for a reason. Lane asks if they can just talk about it tomorrow. MamaLane says that she makes these rules so that Lane won't get hurt by boys. She says that American boys aren't respectful of feelings. This is why she made these rules. Lane is too young and vulnerable. She says she doesn't like this at all. She demands to know who this boy is. "Henry Cho," Lane says. "'Cho'?" MamaLane asks. "'Cho' sounds Korean." Lane says that Henry is Korean. MamaLane keeps asking Lane if she's sure Henry's Korean. Lane says he is smart, wonderful, cute, and is going to be a doctor. He goes to church and is a counselor at Bible Camp, and he liked her. "A doctor!" MamaLane whispers. Lane says she was so stupid and she should have just introduced Henry to her mother. And now he's gone. "Maybe I could call his mother," MamaLane says. She sits on the bed and asks, "You sure he was Korean?"
Lorelai and Emily are drinking at the dinner table as Lorelai moans that she's never liked Jess. Emily totally agrees with Lorelai "one hundred percent." She says that Lorelai will just have to stick to her instincts and be a mother this time. She says that Rory's a good girl, but that good girls can go bad with the wrong influences. She has to make sure that Rory doesn't make the wrong choice and get herself into trouble. She says that Lorelai has to be Rory's eyes and ears and brain right now, because Rory's too young to make her own decisions. Lorelai freaks out and leaves the table. She does excuse herself, however.
Upstairs in the study, Lorelai comes in and asks Rory to listen to her. She says she doesn't want to lock her up and throw away the key. She doesn't want to be her eyes and ears and brain. She says Rory's judgment means something to her. She says she didn't mean to violate the Cool Mom Clause they have going. She is concerned about Jess, but she'll trust Rory to make the smart decision. She says she'll respect Rory's judgment, but she wants her to be the Boy in the Plastic Bubble kind of careful. She tells Rory to cut CuteDean some slack, too. He just wigged and came to Lorelai to talk to someone. They declare their fight over. They get up to walk downstairs. Lorelai tells Rory that Emily agreed with Lorelai tonight. "I'm so sorry," Rory moans.
Back at the house, Lorelai says she needs a shower to get the film of Emily's agreement off her. She goes upstairs. Rory walks into her room and calls Jess.
Jess is just hanging out on a Friday night reading The Fountainhead like any other small-town bad boy. They make casual teen phone talk that's mostly talking about nothing as the strummy music takes over. They flirt as Jess stares at the bracelet in his hand.
week, Christopher is back. He brings his new girlfriend. Lorelai hates her. Emily is pissed off about something.