I was looking forward to this episode for a while. I wasn't disappointed. A good episode of Gilmore Girls that has all of the elements I love so much about this show.
We open at Emily's house. Rory and Lorelai have just arrived, and they comment on how cold it is outside. Emily tells them to warm themselves by the fire before they sit down to talk. Lorelai warns Rory: "Antennas up." "Aye-aye, Captain," Rory responds. Emily prepares a drink as she asks Lorelai how she's doing. Lorelai says she's fine. Emily asks how Rory's doing. Rory's fine. Lorelai carefully asks how Emily is doing. Emily's fine as well. Lorelai comments that all three of them are fine: "Just like the Judds." Emily hands Rory and Lorelai drinks as she asks Lorelai if she's dating. Lorelai says that she's not. She's totally single. Emily asks if there's any chance Lorelai might get back with Max. Lorelai says that's not happening. Emily asks if there's any interest with that man at the diner, "the one who refuses to shave." Lorelai laughs and says that Luke is just a friend. Emily wants to make sure that Lorelai isn't seeing anyone right now and has no potential spouse options. She asks what the odds are that Lorelai is going to find somebody and settle down. Lorelai asks what Emily is getting at. "Well," Emily says, "I visited the family mausoleum today." "Never what you think it's going to be!" Lorelai says to Rory. Best line of the episode.
Emily explains that there are only enough spaces in their crypt for herself, Richard, Lorelai, and Rory. Then it's full, and there's no room for anybody else, so if Lorelai does meet someone someday, she doesn't know where she'll put him. Lorelai suggests they just dump him at the local pool hall. "Don't be silly," Emily snits. Lorelai corrects herself to say this isn't a silly conversation. Emily says she looked into expanding into the neighboring crypt, but the family that owns it wouldn't even discuss it with her. Rory interrupts to say she's getting a little creeped out. Emily says they suggested that she buy a family annex -- then all the family riff-raff can live there, and the sacred Gilmores will all stay in one crypt. "Like an outlet store," Lorelai explains to Rory. "We'd specialize in the irregular family members." Emily says that way, if Lorelai eventually gets married someday (Lorelai interrupts here: "Mom, just say it -- 'fat chance' -- will you?"), there will be a place to move other family members in order to make room for Lorelai's eventually dead future husband. She asks Lorelai which one of the family members should be moved into the annex. Lorelai says that her Aunt Cecile should be moved, since she was so annoying at parties. "She loved the knock-knock jokes," Lorelai moans. Rory shouts that they can't just move Aunt Cecile out of her eternal resting spot. Lorelai counters by telling one of Aunt Cecile's beloved knock-knock jokes. They would end after someone asked, "Pineapple who?" No punchline. "That's where it ended. Never fully grasped the knock-knock concept," Lorelai says. "She was a complete idiot," Emily agrees. She says she'll move Aunt Cecile. Rory asks to be moved into the annex instead. Lorelai says that Rory has to be in the crypt, and that she can't be all alone with her Aunt Cecile. Rory says she doesn't want to be responsible for Aunt Cecile being moved. Lorelai asks if Rory can be thrown in with Lorelai. Rory says she'd like her own space. Lorelai says it'd be so much fun if they were in the same spot. She's getting buried with all of her CDs and her "Rock Star" belt. Richard walks down the stairs and says, "Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?" The past five episodes. Emily fills Richard in, and he suggests that Aunt Cecile -- the horrible woman with those awful jokes -- should be booted to the annex. End of discussion. "This is a cold, cold family," Rory moans. Fade to opening credits. See? That's the Gilmore Girls I know.
Dinner. Lorelai tells Emily that the food is fantastic. Rory agrees, and asks what it is they are eating. Lorelai asks Emily not to tell them. She says that every time in her life she was enjoying food, she'd later find out that it was something gross that she never would have put in her mouth in the first place. Rory asks for an example. "Snails," Lorelai supplies. Rory agrees that snails are gross. ["No way! Escargot is awesome." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai tells her, "Eat in ignorance and enjoy, my friend." Lorelai asks Richard how retired life is treating him. Emily gives a bit of a sigh mixed with an eye-roll as Richard beams about how great it is, and how fascinating life is now that he's retired. He sees things now that he never noticed before, no matter how everyday they seem. He used to just walk past them, and now he notes them and finds them incredibly interesting. He says the other day, Emily moved the vase in the hallway. Emily's nose twitches, and she puts down her drink to stop herself from snitting. "And she didn't do it in front of me," Richard continues. Lorelai comments that nice girls don't move vases in front of boys. Richard says that Emily only moved the vase a little, but that he noticed it. He says that, every day, he notices something new. Emily changed her hair, or she wore shoes that didn't match her dress. He also noticed a first-edition Flaubert that Rory would love, behind his Churchill biographies. Rory beams as she and Richard leave the table to go look at the pretty book. Lorelai asks Richard to check to see if there's a pair of the new Chanel patent leather pirate boots stuck behind the Churchills as well. Richard makes a "mnmn" noise, and leaves the table.
Alone at the table, Lorelai asks Emily what's going on. Emily says that it's nothing. Lorelai says she saw her twitching, pulling a "Tabitha." Emily says that she wasn't pulling a "Tabitha." The woman who didn't know the catchphrase from The Honeymooners last week now is fully versed in Bewitched cast members? ["Maybe she isn't, but she just didn't care to ask Lorelai what she meant because she had other things on her mind?" -- Wing Chun] Emily finally says that it's strange having Richard home so much. Ever since their honeymoon, he's been at work all day, every day, and she's not used to seeing him so much. "He's always here. Watching me and noticing when I move a vase," she says. She knows she's being silly, and comments that most women would want their husbands to notice when they change their hair. Lorelai says they just need to figure out a new routine and adjust to a new rhythm. Emily says that Lorelai is probably right. "I am right," Lorelai says. She can't wait any longer and asks what it is she's eating. "Sweetbreads," Emily tells her. Lorelai wonders what that means. Emily tells her it's pancreas. Lorelai's face is frozen in a nauseated pout.
Paris is having a full-on rager at a Franklin meeting at Chilton. She's tossing everyone's articles to the table shouting, "No!" with each passed piece. Someone interrupts, but Paris says she's not finished. She drops one more article to the table and shouts, "No." "Glad she finished that one," Louisa moans to Fraulein. Paris is hella pissed, saying that nobody in the room (except Rory) cares about this paper as much as she does. She wants to win the Oppenheimer award for best school paper, and with articles like these, they aren't going to win at all. Paris says the Oppenheimer award is a "statement." It says your paper is staffed with the best writers, the best reporters, and the best editors. It creates pain and jealousy in other schools that have to sit with the knowledge that they aren't the best -- that they can see the best, and it's not them. "I want to be those people. I wanna cause that pain." Rory says that their paper is good. Paris says it's not good enough. She says that last week's issue was a fine effort by a group of kids. Fraulein points out that they are kids. "Not in this room, we're not," Paris growls. She says their competition is The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Post. She says she wants to submit a great issue. The deadline is in a week. Rory starts trying to get everyone to work. She asks if anyone has an idea for a theme. Paris offers: "The one that wins." Rory goes back to addressing the group. Everyone gets "to work," which in acting like a high schooler involves the physical move of lifting your shoulders to your ears to open a notebook. I don't know why, but everyone does it. To imply hard schoolwork, lift your shoulders as high as they can go as you feebly open a notebook or a folder, as if the weight of the words makes the pages super-heavy.
Emily is walking through her house yelling to Graciela (a new maid, I'm assuming) to make sure she gets a low-sudsing detergent this time. Richard comes home from his walk. "Carl Edwardson needs a new roof," he says. "I'm gonna drop him a note." "Good idea," Emily responds. Heh. He asks if Emily is still drinking the same cup of coffee from an hour ago. Emily says this is a new cup of coffee. Richard points out that this must be her third cup of coffee today. "I guess," Emily says. "Interesting," Richard says, mostly to himself. Emily says she doesn't drink three cups of coffee every morning. Richard says she's done it every day this week. He quietly adds, "A lot of coffee to drink in the morning." Emily asks what he'd like for dinner tonight. Richard says that anything is fine. Emily writes something in her day planner. Richard asks what she's writing. Emily: "Lamb chops." Richard: "Is that for tonight?" Emily: "Yes." Richard: "Oh." Emily: "Do you not want lamb chops tonight?" Richard: "Oh, no. Lamb chops is fine. I just thought a nice roast would also be nice for a change." Emily changes her day planner and says, "Roast it is." Richard starts with the "Of course, if you want lamb chops..." but Emily interrupts him to say that they'll be having roast. I have had this exact conversation with many a boyfriend many a time.
Emily asks whether Richard needs her to drop anything off at the dry cleaner. Richard says, "You're going to the dry cleaners? Well, I'll go with you." Emily says that she's capable of going to the dry cleaner by herself. Richard thinks it'll be fun for them to go together. Emily smiles and says it's very romantic for him to want to go to the dry cleaner with her, but that she'll never make it back here to drop him off before her DAR meeting. Richard says he can just go with her to the DAR meeting, too. DARN. Emily is incredulous that Richard would want to sit through such a thing. Richard says he thinks it'd be fascinating. Emily says she's going straight from there to the symphony luncheon. "Well, I'll tag along there, too," he says. Emily says she has a hair appointment after that, and he wouldn't want to sit through it. Richard agrees, so she should just cancel it. Emily says she gets her hair done every Wednesday at 3 PM. "Well, your hair looks fine," Richard says. "My hair looks fine because I get my hair done every Wednesday at three." What is it about older women and their hair? My grandmother did this, too. Does hair change when you get older so that it stays in one place for a full week where you don't wash it or brush it? I'm all as fascinated with old-lady hair as Richard is with old-lady luncheons. But seriously, how does the hair stay in one place for a week? Why not just buy a wig? Maybe it's a wig. Huh. Fascinating. Also it's fascinating that it's now Wednesday and not Friday, and five days have passed since dinner. Emily suggests that Richard should go to the country club. He paid a fortune for the membership and he never had the time to go before. Richard is chuckling at the thought of being able to hang out at the country club in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. Before he can finish putting on his jacket, Emily is pushing him out the front door, telling him to have a lovely time at the club. Emily shuts the front door and yells for Graciela to make more coffee immediately.
Night. Stars Hollow Video. I say that like we've ever seen this video store before, but whatever. Lorelai and Rory are trying to figure out what kind of movie marathon they're going to have this evening. Lorelai gives a thirty-second commercial for The Postman that involves Tom Petty and the mail, but since I, like anyone with decency and self-respect, didn't see The Postman, I don't feel the need to recap it here word for word. ["I saw it. In the theatre. Against my will. Everything you've heard about how bad it is is true." -- Wing Chun] Mail jokes. Moving on. Rory asks for a Ruth Gordon film festival. They decide to have a "Worst Possible Movie Marathon" by watching Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Boogaloo. Excuse me, Lorelai, that's Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Thank you. The girls split up to find the videos. Every single shot has an ad for Hedwig and the Angry Inch, by the way. I'm not complaining. Poor Hedwig got robbed this past year. It's the best damn thing I saw and fucking Moulin Poo crapped all over it. Go see Hedwig. That's the damn reinvention of the musical. Not Baz ripping off other people's songs. Anyway, Rory spots two kids giggling over the cover of Showgirls, and she gets all high and mighty that these kids could be checking out a smidgen of thigh on a video box.
Of course, Kirk is the video store clerk. I love Kirk. I want a Kirk shirt. Lorelai tells Kirk that she's lost her video card. Kirk asks if it was a permanent or a temporary card. It was laminated, so Kirk concludes that it was a permanent card. He gives Lorelai a lecture on responsibility and expectations and video store ethics. The lecture is interrupted by Lorelai's cell phone going off. Lorelai has to go outside to take the call to get better reception. Rory complains that there's a picture of a mostly naked girl on the cover of a video that is in plain view of small children. "Is she a blonde?" Kirk asks. "What?" Rory asks. "I'll go check it out," Kirk says, and leaves. Why didn't Rory just move the box up herself?
Lorelai is outside on her phone. It's Emily calling, whispering and begging for Lorelai to take Richard off her hands for one day. She says she doesn't care where Lorelai takes him; he's just driving her crazy. She says he bought some new swim trunks today to join her water aerobics class: "He's out of control!" Lorelai tells Emily to calm down. Emily says she can't do anything without him being there, following her, staring at her. "Well, he likes you, Mom," Lorelai says. Emily yells at Lorelai to not be cute. Lorelai says she'd like to help her. Emily interrupts by blurting, "You owe me!" She says she pays for Chilton and she co-signed on the loan, so Lorelai owes her big-time. Lorelai tells Emily to listen to herself. Emily apologizes and says that Richard is pushing her close to the edge. She wants one day of peace. Lorelai says she'll take Richard. Emily thanks her. Richard calls from off-screen. Emily says she has to go, but Richard will be over the morning. As Lorelai hangs up her cell phone with concern, we fade to the first commercial break.
Oh, God. I can't wait for the Britney Spears movie. I'm in line right now. You people get the hell behind me. I can't believe Taryn Manning finally got her big break. Ol' lispy Get Real Taryn Manning. ["That girl's been rode hard and put away wet. Lipless freak." -- Wing Chun]
The morning, Lorelai is trying to get Rory to skip school to spend the day with her grandfather. Rory says she can't skip school because she's got a Franklin meeting to attend. Lorelai begs and pleads. Rory's not hearing it. Lorelai says she hasn't been alone with her father since she was kicked out of her summer camp for refusing to call her camp counselor "Peaches." They drove all the way home from Maine with only this topic of conversation. And the fact that she had also flashed the swim team. Rory promises to be home in the afternoon, and then she'll take Richard off Lorelai's hands. Lorelai pouts. Rory promises that Lorelai will be fine. Lorelai is so sure things won't be fine that she's convinced this is going to end up a Lifetime movie where Nancy McKeon will be playing her. "I am Jo," she says. The doorbell rings. It's Richard. Rory pushes Lorelai to answer the door. Lorelai childishly steals Rory's cup of coffee and then starts mimicking her. Lorelai answers the door. Rory hugs Richard and says she'll see him that afternoon. Rory leaves, and Lorelai shuts the door. Richard takes off his coat. Lorelai tries to make conversation. She takes his coat. They stand in silence. Lorelai asks if he'd like some coffee. He doesn't need any. Silence. Richard asks if Lorelai would like some coffee. "God, yes!" Lorelai says, rushing with relief toward the kitchen.
Once in the kitchen, Lorelai asks Richard if he's sure he doesn't need any coffee. He's sure he's fine. She asks if he wants anything else, like a Pop-Tart. Richard says he doesn't need to be entertained. He just wants to be there, watching Lorelai and spending time with her. He asks what she'd do if he wasn't there. She says she'd probably read the paper for a little while and then have some breakfast. Richard asks if they can sit and read the paper. They sit. Turns out Lorelai likes the Arts and Leisure as well as the Lifestyle section. Richard says it's perfect, since he likes the remaining sections of the paper.
Luke's. Lorelai introduces the building to Richard. It reminds him of this diner that was across the street from his apartment back when he was in college. As they sit at their table, Richard tells Lorelai that he got the worst breakfasts there every day for three years while he lived there. The couple that owned the place would fight all of the time, and it was a miserable place with bad food. He then adds that he misses it quite a bit. Luke walks up, and Lorelai reintroduces them to each other. Richard compliments Luke on the diner. Luke says it pays the bills. Richard comments that paying the bills is a plus in business. Lorelai asks what Richard would like. Richard has already eaten. He gets up at 5:30 in the morning. Lorelai asks, "Why?" and this has now turned into a conversation I've had with my father. My dad gets up at four sometimes. Both of my parents sleep just a few hours a night, and then pad around the house at all hours. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't turned my old bedroom into the "computer room," so now when I'm home I sometimes have to sleep on the living-room couch. The living room usually has someone living in it from the hours between four in the morning until two in the morning. Not much time for sleeping. Richard tells Lorelai that he's been getting up at 5:30 in the morning since he started working. Lorelai tells him that he doesn't have to do that anymore now that he's retired. Richard sees no reason to change his schedule. He tells her to order. Lorelai orders pancakes and coffee. After Luke leaves, Richard tells Lorelai that she didn't order any grapefruit. Lorelai admits she doesn't like grapefruit. Richard says he always starts the day with half a grapefruit. It's good for you and aids in digestion and other important things that fruits do. It's a miracle fruit. Lorelai jokes that Florida should know about Richard, since Anita Bryant left a giant hole in their spokesman line-up. Richard tells Lorelai that she should eat the grapefruit. More praise for grapefruit. Lorelai says she doesn't like it. Richard says we do lots of things we don't like if they have a benefit to them. Lorelai excuses herself from the table.
Lorelai begs Luke to get her a grapefruit. Luke doesn't have a grapefruit. Lorelai pouts and begs for a grapefruit ("Preferably one that tastes like a doughnut") so that there is continual harmony between her and Richard. Luke says he'll go door to Cardigan Man's and buy her a grapefruit. Lorelai flirts back to her seat.
Lorelai announces to Richard that a grapefruit is on its way. Lorelai suggests Richard walks around Stars Hollow a bit and sees the sights. Richard moves the mustard back to its "place" on the table. Lorelai says that Richard could walk around Stars Hollow until Rory gets home around four, and then the two of them could spend time together until Lorelai gets home from work, and then the three of them can have dinner. Richard says that sounds "sensible." Lorelai says she had to make up for her shoes. Some strange waiter of Luke's pours more coffee into Lorelai's mug. Richard asks if that's her second cup of coffee. Lorelai confesses that it's her third. She asks why. "No reason," Richard says, looking up and silently counting to five. "Lot of coffee first thing in the morning," he notes. Lorelai keeps the painful smile plastered to her face.
Rory shuts her locker and finds Paris standing there. "Okay, you have got to stop doing that," she says. Paris has come up with the article they need to make The Franklin win the Oppenheimer. She says that most award-winning newspapers have a human-interest story on page one. The Franklin has everything else, but they don't have a hard-hitting human-interest story. Paris has decided to do a piece about small-town life. She says that people are moving in droves from the big city to the small town. They move their trophy wives and asthmatic kids so they can milk a cow, pet a pig, and have their own farms. It seems perfect. But according to Paris, nothing is perfect. She will prove that even small towns have their dark, seedy underbellies. She's starting with Stars Hollow. Rory tells Paris that there isn't a seedy underbelly in Stars Hollow. Rory says they don't even have a meter maid. Paris says that Rory may not see it because she lives there, but Paris knows there's a seedy underbelly lurking inside Stars Hollow somewhere, and she's going to find it. She tells Rory to meet her after school today to investigate. Rory says she can't today. "Why not?" Paris asks. "Are you hiding something?" Rory says she has to help her mother with something. Paris tells Rory to move it to the day, because today they're going to investigate Stars Hollow. I don't see why Rory can't just take Richard along with them. I think Paris and Richard would hit it off swimmingly, and Richard could be Paris's spy. Paris says she was going to share a byline on this piece with Rory, but if she wants to bail, Paris can just do it by herself. Rory wants a byline on the cover, so she's in, but she promises that Paris is not going to find anything. Paris notes that the worst that could happen is if she suddenly gets an urge to enter a pie in the county fair. I think that's a shout-out to week's episode. She leaves to meet Rory outside.
Michel is on the phone sympathizing with a guest. He says "I understand" about nine times. He gets off the phone and confesses that he tuned the guest out at the first screech. Lorelai is looking for Manny, the linen and towel guy. Seems he's not there, and the Inn is completely out of clean towels and linen. This is a problem. Lorelai gets on the phone and calls Sookie. Is Sookie in the kitchen? I don't get this. I also don't get that this hotel operates solely on cordless phones. There's no switchboard system on cordless phones. How can they transfer phone calls to guests? How do they do wake-up calls? How do they know which guest is calling? And where did Michel's fancy iMac go? Why is he back to that giant guest-registry reservation book? Lorelai asks Sookie when Manny will be back. In the kitchen? I'm so confused with this. She tells Sookie to have Manny call her five minutes ago. ["I think she called Manny's associate whose name sounded like 'Sookie.'" -- Wing Chun] Lorelai tells Michel to call up Miss Patty's to see if they have any spare party tablecloths, and then grab all of the towels from the pool. There's a pool? Oh, I guess there was a pool at that bridal reception from forever ago. She tells Michel to then get a case of champagne and send a bottle to every towel-less room.
Richard walks into the hotel. Lorelai says, "Oh, no." Richard tells Lorelai he already toured the town and saw everything, including the park and the giant Slinky. He saw the old tree and met all of Babette's gnomes. He says he hadn't seen his daughter at work, and that he'll sit and read his paper. He leans in and whispers. He asks if Lorelai's work jacket is in the back. Man, this is exactly what would happen if my father ever had to see me do any kind of work. When I was in Austin for the Austin Film Festival this past fall, my parents drove up to have lunch with me. They saw that I was wearing this long skirt made out of sweatpant material and a t-shirt that had a picture of a snail. They couldn't help commenting on the tennis shoes. I saw it was killing them -- killing them -- not to make a comment for the first hour. Then it all came out in this giant barrage of "What kind of an impression are you trying to make?" and "Are you really that broke?" I couldn't explain that I was at a filmmaker's conference. They wouldn't understand what that meant. I was nineteen thousand times more dressed up than Harry Knowles. Nobody knew who I was because I was just a semi-finalist, and nobody was going to hire me at The Driskill even if I was wearing a blazer and pleated skirt. So, I'm sympathizing with Lorelai, here. Lorelai tells Richard that she doesn't have a work jacket. I sort of have to agree with Richard, though, because Lorelai is wearing a very ugly purple tuxedo shirt and it makes me sad. Richard asks if her boss minds. Lorelai says that since she is her boss, her boss doesn't mind. She adds that her boss did mind at first, but then Lorelai bought her boss some coffee and realized that it was just jealousy prompting her boss's anger so they talked it out and they've been best friends ever since. Lorelai wisely backs away from Richard and goes back to work. Lorelai tells Michel to get her an extra bottle of champagne and smack her over the head with it. "Absolutely," Michel smiles. The phone rings. It's Rory.
Rory tells Lorelai to sit down to hear the bad news. She tells Lorelai that she won't be home right after school because she has to do this thing with Paris. She promises to be home for dinner. Lorelai tells her that Richard is at the Inn. They discuss all of the things to see in Stars Hollow again and how Richard has seen all of them. Lorelai says that school comes before her mother's mental health. They hang up. Richard is shaking a loose coffee table.
Stars Hollow. Paris and Rory get off a bus. Paris complains that she's going to smell like a bus all day. Rory asks why they didn't take Paris's car. Paris says they can't get a feel of actual small-town life inside of a BMW. "Is there something crawling in my hair?" she asks. Rory asks Paris what she wants to do. Paris tells Rory to point her to the bad part of town. Rory points to a section of the street to them, saying that some people are really angry about the color of that fence. Paris tells Rory to stop joking. Rory says there really isn't anything dark or seedy about Stars Hollow, and that Rory doesn't know how to give Paris what she's looking for. Paris asks where the local bar is. "In Woodridge," Rory answers. Paris asks why Rory isn't helping. "I'm trying," Rory says. Paris asks where they are. They're at Luke's. The sound of the word "diner" makes Paris happy. They go inside.
Inside Luke's, Paris sits at the counter and goes through the menu. She tells Rory she's trying to "blend in, fade away, observe." Luke says hello to Rory and asks who her friend is. "Angela Lansbury," Rory answers. Luke asks, "Would you like some coffee, Angela?" Paris starts asking Luke a series of questions leading up to an insinuation that Luke's is just a front for truckers to hire prostitutes. This doesn't make Luke happy, of course, and he starts looking like he's about to punch Paris. "What about that guy right there, huh?" Shot of an old man sipping coffee. "Reverend Nichols?" Luke asks. Paris asks if "Reverend Nichols" is some kind of nickname, like "Doctor Feelgood." Jess is right on this, since he loves all things tension, and teases Luke that he shouldn't be locked up inside the diner in these horrible working conditions, with the whores and drugs and all. Luke pretty much tells Rory to get Paris the hell out of his diner, which is exactly what Rory does. Paris asks what Luke has to hide as Rory pulls her outside.
Lorelai and Michel are somehow both on cordless phones at the same time talking to two different guests, trying to soothe their towel problems. They both promise to bring the guest the first batch of towels as soon as they arrive, and to enjoy the free champagne. They hang up at the same time. Lorelai says she's going to kill Manny with one of his own towels. Michel offers to help. Richard walks over to Lorelai to tell her that there aren't any tablecloths in the dining room. Lorelai says she knows, and that they're having a bit of a linen and towel crisis, but that she's working on it. Richard says it doesn't look very professional. Manny is on the phone. Lorelai gets on and tells Manny that she's a desperate woman, and that she doesn't want to be lying down in the street moaning about how she used to run an inn. After a second, she starts telling Manny that she loves him very much and tells him how cool he is and how he rocks and everything. She gets off the phone with a "Bye, stud" and announces the towels will be there in twenty minutes. Man, if my dad were nearby, I'd make sure he didn't hear me talk that way to someone. Anybody. Because there's shit to take once he hears that, and that's exactly what Richard starts dishing out. He totally calls her out right there in front of Michel, who is beaming at seeing Lorelai get grounded for being on the phone. "Somebody's in trouble!" Michel sing-songs. Richard tells Lorelai that you never talk that way to a business associate, and that she should be ashamed of herself. Lorelai says she's known Manny for ten years and that they needed towels and they weren't going to get towels if she didn't use her girly ways and now there are towels on the way to the Inn. "I won," she says. Richard says that Lorelai needs to have respect from her employees. The more he talks, the more I notice that his lines were shot with a Lorelai stand-in -- one with different hair and a broader back. I wonder what originally happened in this scene. Richard asks whether she understands what he's telling her. Lorelai holds everything inside of her, squares her shoulders, and says, "Im-him." Richard says he's only telling her all of this for her own good. "Im-him," Lorelai says again, determined not to cry where she works because her Daddy is scolding her. I would think that Richard would also find it bad business to lecture the boss in front of the employees. Lorelai walks back to the desk. Michel tries not to laugh.
Paris can't believe the lack of seedy underbelly in Stars Hollow. "This town would make Frank Capra want to throw up," she complains. She says she was sure there'd be a story here. Rory says they'll find another story. "We're going to lose," Paris moans. Rory assures her that she won't. At this point, Cardigan Man and Kirk walk out of the video store and call Rory the "girl of the moment." They're so proud of Rory and the brave act that she's done. They invite her to come inside and see what her thoughtful deed has done to the video store. He calls her a hero for standing up for sensible morals.
Inside the video store, all of the movies with slightly objectionable material are now stashed behind "The Rory Curtain," known to the rest of us as "The Porn Curtain." Kirk says that Rory had a problem letting those kids see a dirty videotape cover. Rory says she just wanted the tape on a higher shelf -- "not to get fabric involved," she moans. Paris is enjoying this. Cardigan Man says that all objectionable material will now be safely hidden, and people will think twice before they rent nasty movies. Paris is jotting everything down. She tells Rory that this is their story: "Censorship in a small town! It's perfect!" Rory says she doesn't believe in censorship. "Even better!" Paris says. "Small-town minds run amok! This is genius!" Paris is already interviewing Cardigan Man.
Back at home, Lorelai runs into her house shouting that they're home. "time, stop the car before you get out," Richard says. "Rory! For the love of God! Be home!" Rory walks out into the foyer, apologizing that she was on the phone. Lorelai pulls Rory into a death-grip hug, confessing her true adoration for her daughter. Rory pleads for Lorelai to loosen her grip, claiming that her internal organs and bones are getting crushed. "Yeah, well, love hurts," says Lorelai. Rory asks Richard how his day was. Richard says it was pleasant, and that he got to see Lorelai in action. "She's great, isn't she?" Rory asks. Richard chooses his words carefully and finally settles on the word "spirited." Rory tells Lorelai that "spirited" is good. Rory decides they'll get Chinese food. Richard says he'll eat it if it's cooked correctly. Lorelai tells Rory to go entertain her grandfather while she orders the food. Rory ushers Richard into her bedroom. Lorelai offers Rory twenty bucks to lock Richard in there. "Thirty if you chill," Rory says to her.
Richard is looking through Rory's book collection. He's writing down the books he's noticing are missing. Rory says that's not her entire collection. She lifts up the blankets on her bed. Books are stacked up to her box spring. She opens one of her bedroom drawers. More books. My roommate coos, "Oh, look! She's a tiny Pamie." It's true. I currently have books in drawers and stacked on the floor. I don't have enough bookshelves. I don't have curtains in my room that properly cover the window. I'm terrified that people can see me naked and can also see my books all stacked like I'm moving in or out. Richard notes that he should look into buying Rory a new bookshelf. I hope he notes that I need one as well. Rory says she likes her current book system. Richard says he's glad he doesn't see any "death rockers" on her wall. Rory asks where Richard heard that phrase. Richard says he's not totally unfamiliar with Rory's music world. Rory confesses that she doesn't live in an "death rocker" world, but she promises to send a card if she moves there. Rory has a much easier banter with Richard that's not unlike the way he and Emily talk to each other. It's a sharp contrast to the way Lorelai gets awkward and stilted whenever she's in the room. Richard sees the "obsession board" of Harvard on her bedroom wall. Rory brags that they started it this year; after their trip to Harvard, she says, things spiraled out of control into a full obsession. It's just a bulletin board covered in Harvard paraphernalia. Lorelai shows Rory the list of food she's planning on ordering. Richard is shocked at the amount of food. Rory adds a bit more to it. Richard says there's no way they're going to be able to eat it all. Rory says she's starved.
Richard pulls Lorelai away and says they can't order that much food. He says she's teaching Rory wastefulness and gluttony. Lorelai says they do this all the time: they order tons of food, eat a third of it, and then live off the leftovers for the rest of the week. She says it's a good system. She tells Richard to sit and read something or watch television. Richard sits and says he noticed all of the Harvard stuff in Rory's room. He says Rory might not need to be so settled on one college so early. She hasn't investigated all of her options. Lorelai says that Rory's got her heart set on Harvard. Richard says that Rory's heart is set because she thinks that's where Lorelai wants her to go. Lorelai confesses that she doesn't want Rory to go to Harvard. Richard says that there are other good schools out there. He unnecessarily reminds Lorelai that he went to Yale, and that it's a good school. It might even be better than Harvard. I think that Rory should have more options just because she might not get into Harvard. It's shitty only to have one choice and possibly not see your dream come true so early in life. This depressing mood I just got in is totally the fault of the person door, who has been playing the Bee Gees on eleven for half an hour. I just now came to the realization that it's not just a couple of songs, but some kind of boogie marathon going on just feet from my head. Richard offers to make some phone calls and set up an appointment at Yale. He asks who is going to help Rory get into Harvard. "Reese Witherspoon," Lorelai answers. Second best line. Richard says he's a Yale alumnus and gives tons of money to that school. He can write a letter that will help her get into Yale. Lorelai says she doesn't want to fight, and doesn't want him to interfere. Their argument is cut off by a horn honking outside. Rory looks out the window and freaks out. She runs out of the house.
It's CuteDean standing in front of PerfectPresent: the car. The car he made for her. The car he made because he loves her. Rory is very happy finally to have the keys to the pretty machine. They hug. It's very 1950s with the car and Rory in her plaid skirt and bomber jacket and saddle shoes. She even kicks her leg up when she hugs him. Lorelai says that the car is "amazing," solidifying my hunch that the word "amazing" must appear in every script, and that the word must be drawn out on the first syllable. Rory asks CuteDean if it drives. He laughs that she'd even ask the question. She says she can't believe he built her the car. Lorelai asks if CuteDean will now make her a plane, "one that looks like Shamu." Richard is unhappy about this, and says that Rory cannot accept this gift. He says it's unsafe, and that Rory can't drive around in something that some kid made. Lorelai says it's okay. Richard says it isn't. CuteDean assures Richard that the car is safe. Richard says that this isn't a model airplane, and that Rory can't drive around in something CuteDean made in auto shop. Richard asks if CuteDean is a certified mechanic or if he worked under the guidance of a certified mechanic. CuteDean says that he's worked on cars his whole life and so has all of his family and he knows what he's doing. He'd never let Rory get in an unsafe car. How much would it cost to build a car, anyway? CuteDean says everybody checked the car. Richard asks if he's supposed to just take CuteDean's word for it. CuteDean says they'll go get the car checked right now. Richard comments that CuteDean is a very stubborn boy. CuteDean says he's been working on this car for months and that he's giving it to Rory. "You wanna drive?" he asks Richard. Richard says he'll drive in front of CuteDean so his Jaguar doesn't get fire on it from the impending explosion of the toy car. CuteDean says he'll meet Richard at the auto shop if the Jag's electrical system makes it. Richard says that Jaguar worked the kinks out of their cars' electrical systems a long time ago. They both pack themselves and then their dicks in their cars and drive away. Lorelai tells Rory that one of them should have been standing between them waving a flag.
Gypsy has checked the car several times and says everything is fine. Richard tells her to check it again. She doesn't want to. CuteDean tells her to check it again. She doesn't want to. Richard gives a list of things to check. She's checked them all and the car is fine. She says there's nothing wrong with the car. Richard says she's paying her for a service and he wants that service completed. She says she'll look again. Richard walks over to CuteDean. CuteDean says he knows Richard thinks he's not good enough for Rory, but there's no reason to take it out on the car. Richard says that Rory is his only granddaughter and she needs to be protected. She's young and naïve. CuteDean says that Rory is also smart. Richard says that Rory is only smart about some things. CuteDean says he's not going to "do battle" with Richard over this. He says he doesn't care if Richard hates him. Richard says he doesn't hate CuteDean; he hardly knows him. CuteDean says that he's right there, so he can answer any questions Richard has. He says he still doesn't know what college he wants to go to or what he wants to do for a living. Richard says those aren't unreasonable questions. CuteDean agrees but says that Richard could have waited until dessert to ask the questions. Richard relents and asks CuteDean what his parents do. CuteDean's dad sells car stereos and has his own shop nearby. His mother works part-time transcribing medical records. Don't feel bad, Richard, we're just learning all of this, too. Richard slowly asks if CuteDean likes his granddaughter quite a bit. CuteDean corrects Richard and says that he loves Rory. This gets Richard all riled up again, but CuteDean says he was just trying to be honest. Richard quiets again and says that honesty is an admirable quality. Gypsy walks up saying she found a problem with the car. She holds up the windshield wipers and says they came off in her hands. CuteDean says she broke them off herself. She admits that she did, but she just wanted to find something wrong with the car. "I miss my home," she moans. CuteDean tells her to put the windshield wipers back on the car. Gypsy leaves to put the windshield wipers back on. Richard tells CuteDean that the car is probably safe, but he doesn't think it's an appropriate gift. "I understand that," CuteDean says. They both lean against the car for a bit. "How tall are you?" Richard asks. "Why? You wanna dance?" CuteDean asks. "No. Thank you," Richard declines. He adds after a bit, "I appreciate the offer, though." CuteDean and Richard share the "Male Bonding" smile.
Rory moans that Richard's going to keep CuteDean and the car away forever. Lorelai says that Richard probably is making CuteDean take the car completely apart and put it back together in front of him. Richard walks in and says the car was thoroughly checked and aside from some windshield wiper problem that Dean's taking care of right now, there's no reason Rory can't have the car. Rory thanks him and hugs him tightly. Lorelai hands Rory some money and tells her to go pick up the Chinese food. Rory leaves. Richard asks why Lorelai wouldn't let him pay for dinner. Lorelai says it wouldn't be appropriate since she's about to get very angry with him. She says that this is her house and her town where she lives her life. "Well, thank you for the geography lesson," Richard says. Lorelai says she's never gone to Richard's office and criticized him. Richard says that Lorelai never came to his office at all. Lorelai says she doesn't want his opinions and criticisms in front of her friends and employees, and that he's not allowed to come into her house and overrule her. She says she makes the rules for Rory, and that's the final word. She says if Rory comes home and says she wants to spend the day with Patricia Krenwinkle and Lorelai says, "Fine. Grab a sweater," then that's fine. Richard and I both ask who Patricia Krenwinkle is. Lorelai doesn't answer either of us. ["She was in the Manson family." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai says that if she said the car is okay, then the car is okay. She asks why he won't hear her. She says he came as the judgment police and stayed in uniform all day. Richard tells her to lower her voice. Lorelai says she won't be treated this way in her own house, and if he doesn't stop, she won't invite him there again. Richard stops her to say he knows that he wasn't invited over to the house. Emily begged and pleaded to have him off of her hands for one day. Lorelai has never invited Richard into her home. He says he never thought about what he'd do once he retired. He used to be a productive member of the human race. Now he's suddenly sitting at the country club at three on a Wednesday drinking brandy and playing cards. ["Sounds pretty good to me." -- Wing Chun] He's an annoyance to his wife and a burden for his daughter. He says that he finally knows what it's like to be obsolete. Lorelai pouts as Richard says he hopes she never has to feel that. Richard says he's not hungry anymore, and leaves the house.
Rory walks with the Chinese food. She sees that Cardigan Man has put an easel up in the video store window. It's a large, unflattering picture of Rory. Jess is right there complimenting Rory on her picture. He says that if she burned a few books, they might make her mayor. Rory can't believe this is happening. Jess says this is all a little funny. Rory says it's horrible. The only videos not behind the curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. They had a meeting earlier to decide whether Babe should go behind the curtain since some people keep kosher. Jess says Rory's picture is good. Rory starts to leave, saying she can't look at it anymore. Jess says he's pretty sure the picture won't be around very long. Rory asks why. Jess starts to walk off. Rory stops him, saying she'll give him an egg roll if he comes back. Jess saunters back to Rory and confesses that the people who rent Bambi or Dumbo might get a little more than they bargained for. Rory seems to be excited by children watching porn and thinks that Jess's prank is funny and sexy. ["Fucking Poochie ruins everything." -- Wing Chun] Jess tells Rory that she owes him an egg roll, and slinks off to that place where unlovable tertiary characters sleep. And I guess that Paris subplot is just over, somehow. Okay.
Richard comes home to a very happy Emily. She had the entire day to herself, and is now busy talking, telling him how great her day was. She kisses him and says it's nice to see him. She gives him some quick gossip and discusses some redecorating she'd like to do. She asks whether he ate. He says he had Chinese food with the girls. Emily says that he loves Chinese food. He agrees that he does. "Well, I'm thrilled you had such a wonderful time," she beams. Richard says he's still so energized from the day that he's going to go upstairs and organize those stamps he's been putting off. "Now?" Emily asks. Richard says he doesn't see why not. Emily says it sounds like a wonderful idea. She kisses him and tells him to have fun.
Upstairs in the dark and lonely study, Richard shuts the door. Since he's still in his coat, my head suddenly is racing. "Don't shoot yourself, Richard!" I think. "Don't shoot yourself!" Richard slowly walks over to his chair. Don't do it! He takes off his coat. Don't shoot yourself! Richard sits down and slaps his knees quietly. It's now the end of the episode. How strange and quiet and sad.
week there's all sorts of Jess problems. Maybe it'll be the last we see of Jess. ["I hope so. God, he sucks." -- Wing Chun] How can Rory's heart change when she drove to see Jess in the car CuteDean built for her? Ah, teen love. So fickle. See ya week.