“ If you bought your panties used, you are no friend of mine. ”
Mad props to Emily who emailed this slightly VCR-phobic recapper directions on getting closed captioning to work. Huzzah!
Previously on Gilmore Girls: Luke and Lorelai flirt. Philllipppe tries to flirt with Rory. Paris is jealous. Luke and Lorelai flirt. CuteDean and Philllipppe get into a fight at the formal, which is sadly the only CuteDean action of this episode. Emily asks Lorelai about Luke, which is sadly the only Emily action we're getting in this episode. CuteDean tells Rory that Philllipppe "has a thing" for her.
We open with Lorelai going through her closet. Rory is lying on her back on the bed. Lorelai says she can't find anything. Rory begs her to look again. Lorelai says she wears everything in that closet. Rory walks over to the closet and says, "The red and black halter top." Lorelai fingers the sleeve of the halter and says gravely, "Oh. No." Rory asks why. "Uh, it's a classic?" Rory informs Lorelai that the halter has "rhinestones and zebra stripes on it." Lorelai: "So?" Rory: "Tassles." Lorelai says she's had the halter since she was seventeen, causing women around the world to screech, "Oh, how sad for her that she might have to give up something she can still fit into from when she was a teenager. Bitch!" Rory reminds Lorelai again about the tassles on the halter. Lorelai calls Rory unsentimental. Rory calls Lorelai a "hopeless pack rat." Lorelai says she doesn't understand why she has to break up her happy clothing family. Rory says, "Because it's a charity rummage sale." Lorelai says she knows. Rory reminds Lorelai that she offered to organize and help run the sale. Lorelai explains that it was "very, very hot in that room that day" and that she could have been talked into doing anything. Rory says it was Lorelai's idea. Lorelai: "Okay. I'm a very sick woman, and that should be apparent to anyone." Rory tells Lorelai to step away from the closet. Lorelai pretends to block the door until Rory pushes her away. Rory grabs a hunk of clothes and says that those are going. Lorelai mock-protests, and watches all sorts of her clothes (from the middle of the closet, so you know they are clothes that she actually wears) get added to the donation pile. The closed captioning has no problem abbreviating the Gilmore sentence structure. Why can't I just do it? Rory tells Lorelai to go through her top drawer and pull out anything she finds that she wouldn't want to be caught wearing in a car accident. Man, that is nasty. Who gives away underwear at a rummage sale? If you bought your panties used, you are no friend of mine.
Rory and Lane sort through the donated clothes, creating piles of different types. Luke comes over bearing bags of old clothes and pots and pans. Rory tells him to drop the clothes and to take the pots and pans to the kitchen. He does. Lorelai pouts down the stairs and hands more clothes to Rory. Lorelai asks if anyone wants any cheese. Rory asks if there are crackers. Lorelai says that somewhere in Connecticut there are crackers. Rory asks if there are any in the Gilmore home. "Who wants cheese?" Lorelai asks again. Lane says she'd like some cheese. Lorelai leaves for the kitchen. Lane holds up a framed poster of kittens sitting in a toilet bowl. No, it's really quite funny, because Lane and Rory discuss the poster art with a straight face. Rory says they already have a "Kittens in the Toilet," but Lane points out that this one is extra special because this one is signed. Lorelai shouts that there's a man in her kitchen and someone needs to "call the constable." Luke storms out of the kitchen declaring Lorelai to be a fruitcake. Lorelai tells him to put fruitcakes by the door. Luke wishes Rory luck and leaves. Lorelai looks around the house and says that it's only Tuesday and the rummage sale isn't until Sunday, so at this rate they'll be sleeping in the yard on Thursday. At least I know what day it is. Lorelai tosses Lane some cheese.
Cardigan Man walks into the living room. He's brought in a bag of dishes. He starts telling Lorelai that there's a chip in the butter dish, but he's filed it down and if she strategically places the plate on the table no one will notice. Lorelai jokes that Cardigan Man can write out an instruction manual for the dishes. Cardigan Man thanks her and heads to the kitchen to find the notepad. Lorelai finds a jacket in one of the bags. She holds it up and coos. Rory tells her to put the jacket back. Lorelai asks if Rory can actually see the jacket. Rory says she can. Lorelai says that if Rory could actually see the jacket she'd notice that it has "Lorelai" written all over it. Lorelai couldn't possibly have any trashier taste this episode. Wait. Perhaps if she was eating a McRib while wearing this jacket, while drinking a Lone Star, wishing she had some place to put her gum while she chewed tobacco, fixin' to go outside and fix the tires on the house -- so she can move it two spaces down to have a better view of the culvert. Then she might be trashier. But only slightly. In fact, she did just pick that jacket out of the trash. This is also the third rhinestone outfit this episode, and on the double date episode she recommended the rhinestone jacket. I just wonder which one of the writers has an unhealthy fixation on rhinestones. Or if the BeDazzler is a silent sponsor of this show. Rory says that Lorelai can pay for the jacket and keep it. Lorelai thanks her.
Sookie bounces in declaring that in just a few moments they are all going to love her. Lorelai asserts that they already love her. Sookie keeps going on about how now they are really going to love her (really, like five times she argues this) until Lorelai tells her that her love-levels are starting to go down. Sookie has four tickets to see The Bangles on Saturday. Lane says they are good seats. Lorelai is shocked. She asks how Sookie scored them. She got them from a couple she worked for on a wedding. Lorelai says, "Huzzah," which I'm just going to take as a shout-out. Rory asks whom the other two seats are for. Sookie says they are for her and Lane, of course. Lane freaks and hugs Sookie. Sookie calls her "Chickadee!" which is just so damn endearing. Lorelai says that this will be a very special night, and a special night deserves a new wardrobe. She picks up a hot pink sleeveless formal gown. Rory is not having it. "WHAT could the problem be?" Lorelai argues. It was my favorite delivery of the show. They argue until the quick cut to the scene.
Chilton. The instructor is announcing a debate concerning the trial of Charles I. There's something about Parliament, and then she's all talking about English stuff and, like, laws and stuff, and I don't know because Philllipppe is there and he's sitting there being all cute-like. He's just staring at the back of Rory's head. The instructor says something about a Monarch and then asks Philllipppe what is so fascinating. He says his notes are very fascinating. "Yes, they are fascinating," she smiles. Then she starts explaining the debate, and how much time there is for each part. Rory takes notes while Philllipppe watches her. The winners of the debate will be decided by a hand-count from the rest of the class. The instructor asks Philllipppe if that sounds like fun. Busted, he says it does. She asks if it's more fun than "staring at Miss Gilmore's ear." There are some titters from the class as Rory pulls her hair over her ears and slouches down in her chair. The instructor starts walking around the class, pointing out the teams. She points to Paris, Louisa, Fraulein, and Rory. Paris jumps up and asks the instructor whom she pointed to. The instructor says that it was indeed the Bitchsey Twins, then Paris and Rory. Paris asks if she's sure. "Yes, I am. But thank you for asking." Rory gives an "Oh, shit," look to the other girls. Paris sits down and gives Rory the stink-eye.
Rory's locker. Paris, Louisa, and Fraulein are standing to Rory. Rory says they should make a plan to work out their debate. Paris says they can't study at her house. "My mother is having the entire place redone. She wants all evidence of my father out of there. So unless you want to sit on no furniture while watching three Harvey Fierstein impersonators rip up the carpet and paint everything a ridiculous shade of white and call it 'angel's kiss,' then we're going to have to go to somebody else's house." Fraulein says that her brother has the measles, which coupled with ER, officially makes measles the Sweeps Life-Threatening Illness of 2001. Except here it's no big deal. Louisa says that her mother is having an affair, so her house is out as well. Rory says that she guesses they could study at her house. She says it's a mess from the rummage sale, but it's there. Louisa says she thought Rory's house was far. Rory says it's thirty minutes by bus. "Bus? I don't do busses," Louisa sasses. Rory asks if they have a better suggestion. Paris grumps that she'll drive. Rory sets the date for tomorrow. They all droll out a, "Fine."