We're treated to our first "previously" on Gilmore Girls: Michel answers the phone at the Independence Inn. Sookie makes a good peach sauce. Michel doesn't want to help Rory with her French paper. Rory gets accepted to Chilton. Lane's mom is happy Rory's changing schools. Lorelai can't pay the enrollment fee. She gets the money from her parents. Emily shows up on Rory's first day of school. Bickering commences. Rory and Lorelai share a long hug after the first day.
We join the Gilmores at the weekly Friday dinner appointment, already in progress. Grampa is congratulating Emily on a lovely dinner. Emily and Grampa go back and forth listing the various people they've had hired on as help. They argue over which ones they liked and which ones they didn't. Lorelai asks her father how he could confuse two people that he employed when one was a man and one was a woman. He says that he's too busy to pay attention to the "multitude" of people Emily has hired on for help. Rich people humor. Bwa-ha-ha. Then Lorelai tries to compliment the woman bringing out the dessert and gets her name incorrect. Lorelai tells Emily that the woman's name is Sarah. "I thought she said, 'Mira,'" Emily excuses. Lorelai is mortified. Rory compliments the dishes. Emily says they were Rory's great-grandmother's. "Lorelai the First," Grampa says. Oh, dear. Here come more Lorelai jokes. "I thought Mom was the first," Rory says. Grampa makes a noise like he's cold and disgusted. "Not in the name," Emily sing-songs. Lorelai says she was "a trailblazer" in other things. She smiles at Emily and says she was just completing her thought. Grampa goes on with a long list of accomplishments the first Lorelai had until Emily interrupts him to shout for Mira to cut the cake. Lorelai shouts that she should bring Sarah out with her. Uncomfortable moment followed by Rory pouting. Fade to opening credits.
Bad thing about the SAG strike: repeats of the "Whassap" commercial. Good thing about the SAG strike: repeats of the "Mr. Roboto" commercial. Hee.
Emily asks Lorelai how her "charming, little inn" is going. Lorelai says they're keeping their fingers crossed that it doesn't become large and rude. Rory tells Emily that Lorelai is hosting a wedding party at the inn. Emily gives an "Isn't that nice," and just as Lorelai is about to brag about the size and importance of the wedding, Emily asks Rory how Chilton is going. "Okay, done with me now," Lorelai says. "I'm sorry, was there more to the story?" Emily asks. Lorelai puts the focus back on Rory by saying she has to pick a team sport to play. It's awfully dark in their dining room. Grampa wakes up to say that physical fitness is as important as mental fitness. Lorelai says she should go out for debate. "It's not a sport," Rory says. "Oh, it is the way the Gilmores play," Lorelai smiles. Rory goes down the list of available sports to pick. When she hits "golf," Emily stops her to say that Grampa is "a golf player." She says that Grampa could take Rory to the club and teach her how to play. Grampa gives a warning "Emily." He says that golf isn't something you can teach in an afternoon. Lorelai tells Rory to pick something else. But Emily already has her mind made up, because she only likes to do that once per topic, and says that Grampa will take Rory to the country club this weekend and teach her how to golf. She tells Rory she can use Lorelai's old golf clubs. "They're upstairs gathering dust with the rest of her potential." Lorelai asks to talk to Emily in private. Emily says they're about to have dessert. Lorelai says she'd like to talk to Emily fast, "before the sugar kicks in and makes [her] crazy."
Kill Me Now
In the bickering room, Lorelai tells Emily she shouldn't force Rory and Grampa to go golfing together if they don't want to. Emily says that Lorelai is afraid that Rory would have a good time and enjoy the club without Lorelai. All hackles come up, and bickering continues with smirks and crossed arms as they decide to take the Barkley/Broccoli approach. You remember that from Sesame Street, don't you? The big orange dog stood in the center of Sesame Street while both sides called the two different names, and whichever group of people the dog ran to, that became the dog's new name. I liked Broccoli better, by the way. This turns into Lorelai and Emily arguing back and forth until Emily twists the logic into making Lorelai sound just as manipulative and conniving as she is, until Lorelai tells her she wins. Emily smirks, thanks her, and walks out of the room. And just like that, the Sunday afternoon of two other people has been decided.
As Lorelai and Rory walk back from the house, Lorelai apologizes for Rory having to go golfing. Rory says she might end up liking it. She asks if Lorelai will go with her. Lorelai scoffs at the idea. "I'd rather stick something sharp in my ear than go to the club with you." Rory starts to walk away, but Lorelai pulls her back. "I'd rather slide down a banister of razor blades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you." She says she's on a roll, and says, "I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you. Ooh! I'd rather, um, get my face surgically altered to look like that lunatic rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you." Rory asks if Lorelai would like her to drive so she can keep going. Lorelai hands her the keys, thanks her, and continues with, "I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you."
Wacky MIDI music starts the wedding planning at the inn. The wedding is for a set of twin girls. They are complaining about the flowers. Since one wanted pink and the other wanted blue, Lorelai went with violet flowers. They clearly still want pink and blue. The mother of the twins turns and gives them a very tight-lipped statement about being the one that actually picked violet flowers, and if they don't like it they can buy their own wedding. The twins look down, and at each other. One wears pink, the other blue. "Yes, I thought so," the mother says. She's good at the Gilmore delivery as well. Another key point in the delivery that I'd forgotten to mention before is saying the line very quickly and keying (that's an acting term meaning stress, for those of you that don't care) almost the last word in the sentence. It should almost come out like a question. The mother sends them away because her Advil is wearing off. They pout away. "Their father spoiled them," DevilTwinMaker says to Lorelai. "Oh, they're just excited," Lorelai says. "They're spoiled," DTM sneers. "And they won't move away," she mumbles. The ladies turn away and walk in another direction.