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In a nicely thematic episode, everyone is feeling excluded, put-upon, lonely. Fresh off their unexpected victory, the Lions are expecting to place in the rankings... but do not. On top of that, Luke's big hit against the opposing team's quarterback last week finds him the subject of a belated and jacked-up inquiry, and he is ultimately (and unfairly) suspended for one game for the tackle. Luke handles the unfairness of life by getting hammered at a party and slobbering all over Becky. Coach handles the unfairness of life by screwing his mouth up a bit tighter, talking sternly to his team, and then blowing their lids with a silent, inspirational message on the white board before the game: it simply reads "State."
It's Rally Girl time, and all the football players get their own real, live, cookie-baking, panty-tossing special "friend." Jess tells Vince she's okay with him having a Rally Girl, but one pair of panties too many in his locker find her trying to prove herself to the world by pulling the girl's hair and then challenging her to funnel a couple of beers. In other words: Jess being AWESOME. Along the way, she articulates a fierce critique of what Tami Taylor uncharacteristically lamely calls "just a part of Texas football." Jess is like, no, I am Texas football, I love the game, I love helping Vince get better at the game, and the game shouldn't have anything to do with women acting stupid in order to make men feel powerful. Yes to Jess!
Meanwhile, Vince is starting to get recruited by colleges, and he and his mother (out of rehab now) are elated that he seems to have a future. I am depressed that his only option is football. Hastings is somewhat underutilized in this episode, just popping up at various times acting like he doesn't understand the byzantine links between sport and character that Coach Taylor espouses. But, Luke has some simmering issues with the kid, and if you aren't looking forward to seeing that story line peak with some shirtless wrestling in the mud, well, you are way less of a gay man than I am.
Finally, mother and daughter time! Neither Julie nor Tami have any friends in their new places (Julie: UT; Tami: East Dillon). Tami isn't making much headway with the resistant, cynical teachers at East Dillon, and all of her chirping about helping "at-risk" kids gets met with eye-rolling. By the end, she seems to be chipping away at their apathy, when the sassy teacher from last episode, Laurel, volunteers to volunteer for one of Tami's goody two-shoes tutoring programs. Also, we meet troubled student Epic! And Tami starts to work insane televisual educator magic on her.
For her part, Julie is stuck in a boring Southern History class apparently taught by Mark Twain. But, things get a little more lively when the unfortunately-Chad-Lowe-looking "hot" TA Derek Bishop gets up and makes some quips about old people to make the students laugh. And if you were wondering what happens in the college classroom, this combination of actually interesting subject matter, droning, and desperate bids for attention and approval coming from the people in the front of the room -- well, it's shockingly accurate. Julie runs into Derek again at a history major reception, schools him on football, and then again out and about on campus, where he offers to buy her a coffee for not believing her expertise on football. We know Julie's got it in her to get hot for teacher. I just wish she'd go for someone more exciting. Like her ENGLISH TA, not a dowdy History one!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Slammin Sammy takes us across town, noting that rankings are about to come out, and East Dillon's surprise win last week might get them ranked for the first time. Coach listens in his car, Buddy oversees signage being put up for his new bar and grill (?!). In the East Dillon locker room, the assistant coaches are all abuzz like pretty princesses looking through the newspapers, getting excited about possibly getting ranked. Coach just looks at them like the dopes that they are and asks whether the field has gotten chalked yet.
Cut over to East Dillon cafeteria and Rally Girl bedlam. Tinker presides over a madly cheering crowd, pulling jerseys from one of those big metal lottery rolling cage things. Each jersey is given to a girl, who will be that player's "Rally Girl." Vince's jersey goes to a tremendously porn-mouthed girl wearing a belly sweater, short shorts, and heels, as you do for a day of high school. Vince hugs her and tells her that she can't keep the jersey; he takes it and brings it over to Jess who gives him a "That's right' kind of grin as he does so. Luke watches intently as Becky gets dragged up front to receive a jersey. Tinker shouts into the microphone when his jersey goes to her. Becky just sort of hangs her head and laughs, Luke looks on with clear developing plot line potential.
Tami, shirt dress and cowboy boots, struts out front of the school to find Epic, which is apparently spelled Epyck, sitting on a picnic table smoking. Tami reminds her that there's no smoking on school property, but Epyck one-ups her, reminding her that everyone, EVEN BABIES, smokes in Texas. Tami rolls with it, "Well, even babies can't smoke on school property." Those damn smoking babies. Tami and Epyck butt heads for a while more, Tami quietly introduces herself as the new guidance counselor who's going to help her with her grades, with coming to her counseling appointments, and with not smoking on school property. Epyck stubs out her cigarette, says "Okay," and saunters off towards the road. "School's this way, Epyck," Tami lamely notes.
Coach calls Vince into his office, asks him what day it is. Well, it's September 1, and Coach informs Vince that's the first day of NCAA contact period for junior athletes. Coach tosses a bunch of envelopes in Vince's direction-- Georgia, UT, Alabama, USC. Vince can barely keep his face screwed on right, he's so excited. "These are for me?" Coach, no nonsense, directs him out of the office but as the boy leaves, lets one bit of coachly humanity through: "Pretty cool, huh?"
Credits. Football practice. Anyone else notice the cheap-ass filler music that's playing in the background? Not that this is exactly the scene for inspirational Explosions in the Sky action, but this music sounds like it was produced with MS Paint. Bunch of guys in the stands stand around wondering about the rankings; the kids on the field gossip about the same in between plays. Coach overhears Luke jawing on about being top ten and tells him to cut it out. Billy works with Hastings, who takes his helmet off, sits down, and asks "You got any protein on you, Billy?" Billy shouts at him military-style, dragging him back up by the shirt. Hastings doesn't seem to get the whole subjugation-to-authority part of football as he sort of just grins goofily and runs back toward practice. Coach comes over to tell Billy to go easy on Hastings, but then goes over to Hastings himself and clench-mutters, "Don't you ever take your helmet off on my field again."
The boys find treats in their lockers from the Rally Girls. Cookies, Rice Krispie treats, the tattered remnants of these girls' self worth. Vince doesn't have ANY cookies in his locker, though. Cut to the cafeteria, where Vince sits down to Jess. They smooch and he wonders why he didn't get anything from his Rally Girl. Jess is like, 'Yeah, about that...." and says that the rally girl thing isn't really for her. She tells him that he can have a rally girl, he doesn't believe her at first -- "You'd have a fit seeing another girl wearing my jersey" -- but she repeats, "Boy, get yourself a rally girl." He gets up and leaves, Jess looking a bit unsure as he walks away.
Tami's Dangerous Minds schtick is getting old already for the other teachers at East Dillon. She's got them cornered again in the tiny room where they hold their meetings, chirping brightly about how she's just talking about them volunteering a few hours more per week to run an after-school tutoring program. Everyone avoids making eye contact with her. The sassy teacher from last week, Laurel, speaks up and says that they are all giving all they've got, and they already know which kids want their help. Tami says she understands but tries to drum up enthusiasm for reaching the more difficult-to-reach kids. Laurel doesn't want that focus to take away from the other kids. Tami sits down, looking daunted. Principle Levi just wants to talk about who the hell is going to supervise the parking lot. Ah, education.
Julie sits in lecture while Mark Twain drones on and on about the Alamo. He wraps up his lecture and leaves the stage to "Head TA Derek Bishop." I've never heard of a "Head TA" before, but Derek Bishop charms me right out of that complaint by using cool lingo just like Poochie, words like "deets" instead of "details." The college kids eat it right up, because they are apparently actually complete suckers. Derek tells them about the annual History Department Mixer and jokes about "old people with halitosis" which gets a big laugh from the lecture hall. Julie is clearly enamored, though. And I guess if I could go back and get a clear look at the TAs I got enamored with in college, I'd probably be pretty embarrassed about my bad taste. He tells them to form their study groups and dismisses class. Julie kind of lurks around, watching everyone else immediately group up. She approaches one galoot, but he tells her that he's just a frat pledge taking notes for one of his brothers. She looks around, somewhat lost. Ah, education.
Speaking of the failures of the American educational system, Becky hangs around the Playgirl Ranch in short terry shorts making cookies, but totally failing. Billy comes in and she asks his advice about doubling the recipe, which she doesn't think she did right. Billy's advice? "You have to double all the ingredients." Becky, "Oh, goodness me! I didn't know!!!" and bluebirds twirl and tweet around her little head. Mindy comes out in her ratty t-shirt and sweats and watches all this leaning and chirping that is going on in the kitchen. Mindy calls Billy outside with her, and continues on her journey to become America's Top Harpy. She tells Billy she doesn't like it, she doesn't like Becky in her short shorts looking all cute and Billy being all "milk in the recipe" and it's all bigger than Billy, "it's nature, and there's a fox in my henhouse and I don't like it." Billy reminds her of Tim's solemn vow to Becky that his family shall be her family and begat begat begat.
Vince goes through his letters of intent when his mother comes home from work. Before he can tell her all about it, she starts moaning about her troubles at work and doing a lot of sighing. He goes over and shows her all his letters and says "Momma, they want me. Where do you want to live? The city? Beach? Florida? California? I'm going to take care of you, momma." Yes, because no career is more of a sure thing than college and professional sports.
Commercials. Morning at the Taylor house. Coach just mumbles his good mornings to his wife who wonders what's wrong. Coach tells her that the Lions have not been ranked. Tami says that doesn't seem right, but Coach underplays it, saying that they were 2-8 last year, it's to be expected. He asks Gracie -- who my good friend has pointed out looks exactly like
h4lx2DWR3U3Y=&h=514&w=358&sz=34&hl=en&start=0&sig2=jK9DyL9PQ8U8875llOJ5Ng&zoom=1&tbnid=ixui0GpW9ee3eM:&tbnh=137&tbnw=104&ei=xQa3TZOBG4TWgQfqheBI&=/search%3Fq%3Dbrian%2Beno%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D1133%26bih%3D582%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=696&vpy=98&dur=26&hovh=269&hovw=187&tx=126&ty=130&page=1&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0">Brian Eno -- what she wants for breakfast. "Mac and cheese!" she exclaims, and Coach deadpans, "Mac and cheese please" to Tami, who just smiles wryly.
At East Dillon, Principal Levi tells Tami that she can't just try to steamroll the other teachers like she's been doing. Levi tells her that everyone's calling her after-school program "The Homework Club." Tami is nonplussed that there's so much resistance to her championing of something that they should be doing as educators. Levi tells her that she just needs to stop lecturing and start building up some allegiance before hitting the other teachers up for help.
Jess helps Vince go over plays in the cafeteria when Porn Mouth comes up and asks for Vince's address so she can deliver his "pre-game package." He tells her and Jess, smiling an insanely livid smile, tells her the cross street. Porn Mouth returns the bitchy smile as she assures her "Yeah, I know where it is."
East Dillon practice. The kids are flat, no energy. Traub says they are depressed. Coach is like, "Freud says what?" and Traub responds, "A lion has been ignored." The kids have gathered over by the bleachers, asking the fans details about the rankings. Crawford, who they beat last week, is ranked 9 (down from 8 after their loss). Luke is pissed, Tinker starts yelling about respect. Coach Taylor comes over and tells everyone to put their helmets back on and shut up, sends Luke and Tinker off to run for punishment. He yells at his kids that he doesn't want to hear one more word about rankings, and they all head back to the field. As Taylor leaves he yells at the guy in the stands, "C'mon man, I got enough to worry about without you getting these kids all riled up." He heads back to the field, before pausing and turning back to the man, "Thank ye." Coach Taylor! Polite even when enraged!
Julie opens the door to her dorm room, only to find her roommate rolling around in her loft bed with a boy. Her phone rings as she shuts the door behind her. It's Tami, who does that mom trill of greeting at her daughter. Tami asks about her roommate, Julie answers "She's fine, she's just... busy a lot." Yeah, busy in that 1980s hip-hop song kind of way. Tami asks about her classes and Julie tells her that she's trying to decide between Econ and Myths of the American South. Tami says that she always thinks that Econ is something you can use in real life. Hmmm, as in where? Like, I never took Econ, and I am living my life just fine, with only the occasional 50% tip to a cabbie because I can't do the math that fast in my head. Julie tells her mom that she wasn't asking for advice and then rushes off the phone as her roommate opens the door to the room again (this time fully clothed) and tells her she can come in.
Vince and Luke hit up a barbeque place, chatting about letters of intent. Luke bitches about Hastings, and Vince jokes about how angry Luke has been about Hastings recently. An older gentleman in line ahead of them butts in and starts praising Vince and his "canons." He pays for Vince's dinner. When Vince introduces him to Luke as "my star running back," the man -- Bob Short, of Short Gardening Supplies -- clearly could not care less. Luke shakes his head ruefully.
Coach out on the field at night, overseeing lightbulb replacement on the scoreboard. Buddy drives up on the field in his huge SUV and lumbers out. He's there to give Coach a heads up that he's going to be getting a call from the Athletic Administration -- apparently they are investigating Luke's huge hit on Crawford last week as there's been a safety complaint. Coach is pissed, "What the hell? It was a clean hit." Buddy tells him that he knows and commiserates over these bureaucrats trying to cover their asses. And let me say, this little dose of Buddy Garrity really makes me miss this guy. Come back to us Buddy!
Commercials. History Department Mixer at UT. Julie wanders around all lonely like until she hears someone shouting football type shouts at a television playing a game. And it's cool-guy Derek Bishop, hanging out all alone in a weird little TV cubbie area, yelping while watching a rerun of an old football game on ESPN. Oh, this guy is like THE PINNACLE, don't you think? With his button-downs and graduate student indigentness and ridiculous enthusiasm while watching a game he already knows the outcome of? Good lord, get this girl to the English Department! There's at least interesting eyewear over there.
Anyway, Julie sort of leans against the doorway and says "Classic game. 36 throwback?" Derek barely looks at her when he says that yes, it is classic, but there's no throwback here. Julie's like, no, there's a throwback here. He tells her that she's wrong and they chat a bit. She tells him that her dad's a high school football coach, and Derek repeats, "Yeah, there's no throwback in this game." Julie repeats, "There is a throwback" and walks off. And because Derek is the COOLEST, he yells after the 19-year-old girl, "You're wrong!!!!"
Girls' bathroom at East Dillon. Porn Mouth is looking in the mirror wondering how to make her O-face even sluttier. Jess comes in and asks her whether she doesn't think that putting her panties in a locker of a boy she barely knows is demeaning. Jess wonders what it says about her that she would do such a thing and Porn Mouth replies, in her best Jerry Springer argumentative mode, "It means I'm going to have your man within two weeks." Porn Mouth tries to leave but Jess blocks her way and it quickly devolves right into Porn Mouth's audience's favor: hair-pulling girl fight! In a high school bathroom nonetheless! Is Ron Jeremy behind this?
Cut to Jess in Tami Taylor's office. Tami is like, "Seriously?" Jess starts in on who started it, but Tami cuts her off. Jess explains that it's the stupid rally girl stuff "cuz I think it's demeaning for her to put her panties in my boyfriend's locker" and Tami makes what is, to me, the single misstep of her entire televisual life here, she just shakes her head and says "It's just part of Texas football." Jess gets a little quiet and tells Tami, "The thing is, I'm someone who loves Texas football." She explains that her father played, her brothers play, she enjoys helping Vince get better at the game. "I love the game, I understand it." Yes to Jess! Tami tells her that she'll come up with some way for Jess to work this offense off, and she won't be fighting again.
Out in the hallway, the East Dillon anti-Homework Club teachers hang around shooting the shit. Tami kind of lurks up them, "Hey, y'all!" and Laurel says that she caught them talking about happy hour. Tami just sort of sad-happily remarks, "Oh, y'all do a happy hour?!" and someone says yes and tells her where and then there's this pause and finally Laurel invites her. Tami doesn't commit, but says she'll try, and then leaves. Laurel watches her leave and then turns back to her pals and jokes that if Tami comes someone better buy her a drink. People are so awful.
Luke, in the locker room, reads off a newspaper about the inquiry about his hit and all the boys complain that all this stuff about the inquiry and the rankings are all a conspiracy. Coach comes in, but before he can start talking, Vince stands up and asks Coach whether or not it bothers him that nobody seems to be respecting them. Coach stares him down big time and then says "With all due respect, Vince, I don't give a piss what you feel." He assures them that the inquiry is no big deal and then shouts, "One day at a time, one game at a time" and they all respond "Yes, sir."
Coach makes his way over to the Panther field to say hi to Coach Mac. They go over and sit on the bleachers and Mac tells Coach that of course East Dillon isn't ranked, Coach Taylor is an outsider now. He gives him the lowdown on who's behind the inquiry into Luke's hit -- it's not the league behind it, it's some guy named Jim over at Crawford. So it's pure payback. Coach is taken aback, and even though he's in full hair-and-face lockdown with his hat and sunglasses, we can tell that he's trying to comprehend the size of the mountain he has to lead his team over. Mac leans back and jokes that they're still going to kick East Dillon's asses this year. Coach says that for twenty bucks and a shot, he's on.
Commercials. Tami and Coach are in Julie's room. Coach is staring at a bunch of cables in his hand, trying to figure out how to hook a TV or cable box or something up. Tami sighs that she's just not ready to turn Julie's room into an office. I wonder why Julie didn't take her Liars poster to UT with her; it could help her with the black-frame glasses crowd. Tami tells Coach about getting invited to happy hour with the teachers. She complains that they won't help her out at school, but decides that she's going to go to start making some allegiances. Coach agrees and launches into a very cute, stilted speech about how happy hour is a happy place and it is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. Then he leans in and starts getting smoochy, which Tami falls for for a second before popping up, "Oh, no, that is our daughter's bed, are you crazy?!"
At school, Tami finds Epyck smoking in the bathroom. Tami grabs the cigarette out of her mouth and tells her that she's taking her to class. When Epyck complains, Tami snarks, "Wanna hold my hand?" Cut to them walking through the hallway, Epyck surprised because the last guidance counselor didn't care if she went to class. Tami: "Well, I care." Tami tells her that she expects to have her and one parent in a meeting within 48 hours. Epyck guffaws, tells her that it is unlikely that her foster mother will give a shit what Tami wants. They stop outside the door to Epyck's classroom and Tami gives her the real serious business: "If you don't have someone at home who cares about you, I am sorry about that. You don't deserve that, it's not fair." Epyck just stares back for a while and then heads back into class. Oh, girl, you don't know it yet but you just got TAYLORED. From now on, it's going to be love and expectation and nurturing. Sorry, can't help you there.
Coach, in the hearing, watches Luke's hit on video and asserts that this is a good, clean, honest hit. The other guys say that he was leading with his helmet. Coach suggests that maybe, just maybe this whole charade is taking place because East Dillon beat a team it wasn't supposed to beat. He notes that the complaint didn't come in for two days. The board, or whatever they are, just stonewall him and say "It's a safety issue, we have to send a message." Coach: "Boy, I got your message loud and clear."
Crazy teen party again, this time with beer funneling! Porn Mouth gets it done, which is no surprise. She tries to get Becky to go but Becky says that she doesn't "do beer." Porn Mouth does pretty much anything, i
t's clear. Luke, over with Vince and Jess, is drunk, which is just the way I like him. Vince exposits that none of them are drinking in preparation for the game, but Luke tells him that he talked to Coach and is suspended for the game. Porn Mouth comes over to give Vince a kiss -- since she won at beer funneling and all, but he demurs. She asks Jess if she has a problem, and Jess decides that the best way to deal with this situation is to go beat Porn Mouth's ass at funneling beers. Sometimes, I just love the way teenagers think. Jess pounds the beer, kind of reeling back with very frightening Poltergeist eyes when she's done.
Cut to the adult's own form of happy hour, which has fewer funnels but just as much bitchery. Tami can't really find any conversation to get into as everyone around her is paired up and chatting and not acting warmly toward her. Finally someone spills a drink all over her lap. She pops up and says that she does need to head home anyway to the baby, and how SAD is it to watch Tami freaking Taylor feel awkward and outcast? Out in the parking lot she mutters to herself when Laurel comes running up and makes a complete 180 in her attitude. Laurel tells her that it will get easier, that it's always hard to be new at a table full of cynics. Tami just depressingly notes that it's all fine, and she's just trying to help the kids and just needs a little support. Laurel reaches out, saying that she'll go ahead and volunteer for the after-school program. And I just realized here that I have NOT been on Tami's side, only because I am a put-upon educator as well and have felt totally bristly toward Tami coming in and telling me I need to put in more hours when already there are NOT enough hours in the day for Twitter and Facebook, eff those at-risk kids! Okay, so I've processed that and will now be moving on. Tami continues muttering to herself in the parking lot, only now it's all happy, cute, mom mutters, "Well, good!"
Back at crazy teen sex beer romp, Porn Mouth is still at it while Vince holds Jess's hair as she vomits. What a good boyfriend! There's very little that can top the loving act of holding your friend or partner's hair as she vomits. Pure love right there, right? They sit on the ground, inches away from the vomit, Jess drunkenly tells Vince that she doesn't want him to think this has anything to do with Porn Mouth. He says that he thinks it has a lot to do with her. Jess tells him that she just misses him, and Vince tells her he doesn't know what she means. She explains that she misses being with him and working on football together, that now he has Coach and she's supposed to be a rally girl. Damn, girl. And we thought Title IX would help things.
Meanwhile, Porn Mouth has become date rape material, completely drunk and out of it, a boy propping her up and waving her arms around like a rag doll. Jess yells that someone needs to take her home, cut to Becky looking slightly concerned. Then cut over to Luke approaching Hastings, with his devil-may-care hair and wry anthropological outlook. Luke gets in his face, slurring, "Why are you even on our team?" and when Hastings just ignores him, "Is there something going on in there?" Just when Luke gets to the plastic-cup-batting portion of the pre-fight, Becky runs up and pulls him away, saying that she just really wants to get out of there and wants to drive him home.
At Luke's house, she walks him to his door where he drunkenly tells her that he traded his pig for her. She's like "What?" and he explains that he "gave" Tinker his pig Mirabelle, who Tinker loves, in exchange for getting Becky as his rally girl. This makes no sense outside of some sort of "fat kids are funny brunts of jokes" type thing. Becky is not sure if any of this is a compliment and they both laugh. Luke invites her in, but she seems to remember that they have that whole traumatic abortion, Christian-fundamentalist mom getting Tami Taylor fired thing between them. They hug good night.
Becky gets dropped off at home where Mindy and Billy are waiting up for her. Mindy reads her the riot act for coming in so late, but Becky just sort of smiles to herself, "I'm just not used to anybody noticing." Oh, small-brain small-voice Becky, you do grow on a girl after a while.
Tami comes into her office making me wonder why I don't wear more jeans, wide brown belt, pink oxford shirt get-ups. We don't know what Epyck is thinking about Tami's outfit, however, only that Epyck is actually there, waiting to meet with Tami. Tami tries not to look too surprised, but you now "Gangster's Paradise" is playing in the background in her mind.
On the UT campus, stupid Derek collars Julie as she walks by, "Hey, football!" Classy right there. This guy really gets under my skin. He admits that she was right, that he Googled the game and found that it was a 36 throwback in the game. Julie snarks that he trusts Google more than her. He tells her that if they HAD bet, she would have won, so he wants to take her to coffee. She says sure and then tells him her name is Julie, not "football." JULIE TAYLOR I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ASKING MY ADVICE BUT PLEASE MAKE SOME FRIENDS YOUR OWN AGE. Do not hang out with this sad, bitter, poor, and obviously blustery grad student who is just going to make you listen to his Anthology of American Folk Music every Saturday night while making you wait until 10 p.m. to eat dinner because it isn't "cosmopolitan" to eat earlier than that.
Vince has brought his mother to Bob Short's Gardening Supply company to apply for a job. He asks her about the blank in her resume -- presumably when she was addicted to drugs, jobless, and then in rehab -- and she demurs that she just had some problems. She comes out a bit later and hugs her son; she's gotten the job.
Game day. Coach is sporting some particularly Rebel Heart sort of hair as he looks up into the crowd that is gathered to cheer for this team that has all the odds stacked against it. He heads into the locker room, where everyone is milling about nervously. He pats Luke on the shoulder and then, without speaking, goes to the whiteboard and writes "State" on it. No words from Coach, only a building rumble of PSYCHEDUPNESS from the kids until he corrals their energy, "Let's go!!"
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