Lindsay is walking down the hall alone when she is accosted by two jocks. One of them says, "If I gave you a joint, would you have sex with me?" Ah, yes, that brand of comedy known as Cretinous Popular Teenage Guy humour! It's so creative! Not to mention gut-bustingly funny. Lindsay incredulously asks, "What?" The jocks just laugh and then do some super-secret Popular Guy handshake as they walk away. Lindsay walks in the opposite direction, still looking disgusted, until she runs into the freaks. They're all excited that their band, Creation, has been asked to perform at Stoker's party. Ken promises they will "blow the roof off his garage in a most rocktageous way." Lindsay is really thrilled for them. Daniel shows his gratitude for her enthusiasm by telling her that they need to use her parents' station wagon to pick up some band equipment. When Lindsay says that her parents are "insane" about the car and will not let her borrow it, Daniel tells her not to be "lame." I'm so happy to see Lindsay standing up for herself, though I suspect it won't last very long. Kim helpfully points out that Mrs. Weir plays bridge on Tuesdays, and Daniel suggests a little auto theft, though he doesn't quite use that term. You know Lindsay's gonna cave in, right?
The thing you know, Lindsay's swerving down a residential street, trying to avoid hitting a squirrel. Joe Jackson's "I'm the Man" is blaring on the car stereo (thanks, Goalie31). The station wagon is a fine American late '70s model in light blue. I am disappointed that there's no wood paneling on the side. Daniel insults Lindsay's driving. I have to admit he's got a point. He and Kim start arguing about directions, while Nick and Ken do some macho male bonding in the back seat, drunkenly punching each other. Ken tells Lindsay to change the music so he won't have to listen to "this stupid New Wave crap." He also tells her to roll down the windows because he has "a big one a-brewin'." Just as Nick comments that "those Miller farts are unbelievable," Kim screams in Lindsay's ear, distracting her. Kim plows into another station wagon pulling out of a driveway. The Joe Jackson song ends just as the camera closes in on Lindsay's shocked face and she says, "Oh, my God." It's a perfect time for the opening credits.
The geeks are hurrying down the school hall so that Sam can get his math book from his locker. Neal comments that being in school after hours makes him feel like a janitor. Bill opines, "Janitors are cool. I'd like to be a janitor." Neal asks if this is because he'd like to "show up with the red sawdust after a kid throws up." Bill claims that it's because janitors make more money than teachers: "It makes up for all that gross stuff they have to do." The geeks all eavesdrop on Cindy Sanders and Todd, who are standing a little further down the hall from them. Cindy is insisting that "girls do not call boys." Cindy, girls did too call boys back in 1980, especially when they were already dating them. It's only lame girls like you who think that's not okay. I remember girls like Cindy from my university residence. They used to get up at 6 AM on weekends so they could put on full makeup to go to breakfast in the campus dining hall. I'm hoping that in a few years Sam will be really embarrassed that he liked her so much. Right now, though, he just wants to know "what's so great about [Todd] anyway?" Neal says, "It's the hair." As if to illustrate that point, Cindy reaches out to pet Todd's hair, but he won't let her, and immediately whips out a comb from his back pocket for a little impromptu grooming. Neal claims that women really go for the feathered look in men's hair. "Yeah," agrees Bill, "all the men my mom dates have feathered hair. I heard her talking to her girlfriend, and she said, 'Any guy with feathered hair is foxy.'" I'm sure I'm not the only viewer who's dying to see the woman who gave birth to Bill. Sam just doesn't understand why girls would care how you comb your hair. "That's women," offers Neal. "They get turned on by weird stuff." Not that I'm in any way defending feathered hair -- or shallowness in general -- but looking at the hairstyles of the geeks, it's easy to see why the finer points of grooming might escape them.
Back at the scene of the accident, the driver of the car Lindsay hit is freaking out while Lindsay apologizes profusely. The other driver asks, "Didn't you see me pulling out of that driveway?" I want to ask her why she kept pulling out of her driveway while Lindsay was driving down the street, because, uh, unless I'm mistaken, Lindsay had the right of way. ["I concur." -- Wing Chun] Kim doesn't help matters any by trying to defend Lindsay. When the irate driver asks someone to call the cops, Kim screams, "The police? Come on, lady, calm the hell down!" Lindsay and Kim start throwing the blame at each other, and Daniel cuts in to say it's both girls' fault. Huh? Lindsay turns on Daniel, and they start fighting, only to be interrupted by the irate driver, who threatens that Lindsay will pay for "every cent" of this accident. When Irate Driver warns Daniel to stay away from her, he counters with, "Who wants to be near you anyway? You're too sexy!" I didn't think it was possible for Lindsay to look any more upset than she was before, but somehow she manages it.
Dinner at the Weir house is an uncomfortable affair. There's a long silence until Dad suggests, "I could call the police and report this as Grand Theft Auto. I could send my own daughter to jail." Lindsay very sincerely says, "I am so sorry, Daddy," but Harold just looks at her coldly and says, "I don't think I believe anything you say anymore." Ouch, that's a little harsh, Dad. He goes on to tell her she's grounded and forbidden to hang out with her "burnt-out friends" ever again. It looks like Lindsay's way ahead of him on that last part.
She's moping in her room when Millie comes by to see if she's okay. Lindsay is crying about how scary the accident was. Thinking back to the aftermath of the car accidents in which I've been involved, I really feel for Lindsay. I'm a little distracted, though, because I keep thinking about how much Millie reminds me of April Tuna on Popular. Millie offers to get her Uno deck. Wing Chun recently taught me how to play Uno, and while it was great fun, I don't know if it's the first thing I'd think of doing after almost dying in a car crash. ["It is, however, the first thing I would think of doing after almost dying in a car crash." -- Wing Chun] Millie's trying, though -- I'll give her that. She tries some more, this time with a story about a fellow Mathlete who got so nervous during a match that she got a bloody nose and sneezed, blowing blood all over her shirt. The gross-out distraction technique is working on me, at least. I've pretty much forgotten about the lunch I was going to fix for myself. It works on Lindsay, too, as she and Millie share a laugh. Lindsay asks about the Mathletes, and Millie tells her that they all miss her.
Sam is blow-drying his hair, while The Who's "Slip Kid" plays in the background. I didn't think it was possible for Sam's hair to look any worse than it already does, but that feathered thing he's got going on now does the trick. He seems happy with the results of his coifing efforts until he realizes he can't put on his shirt without mussing the 'do. Sam, you can always blow-dry it some more, you know. It's probably his first experience with hairstyling of any sort, though, so maybe he doesn't realize that.
Meanwhile, Lindsay's looking through her closet for something to wear. She reaches into the back of the closet and pulls out the fugliest lavender blouse with a lace-trimmed Peter Pan collar. Ugh, put your army jacket back on, please!
At the breakfast table, Dad is dissing auto mechanics when Lindsay walks in. She's wearing the awful purple blouse, although the skirt with which she's paired it is pretty. Lindsay's also sporting some dorky-looking barrettes in her hair. While her hairstyle looks pretty and is fairly stylish today, back in 1980 it would have been considered irretrievably geeky. Mom is sensitive enough not to not call any attention to Lindsay's new ["old" -- Wing Chun] look. Dad does not comment either, though I suspect in his case it's surprise rather than sensitivity that keeps him quiet. In swaggers Sam. Mom does comment on his makeover, telling him he looks as handsome as "one of the Hardy Boys." Help! I'm having Shaun Cassidy flashbacks. Please, make them stop! Sam leaves for school and Lindsay joins him, but not before kissing both her parents goodbye.
Sam and Lindsay are walking down the school hallway when they have the misfortune to run into Mr. "Call Me Jeff" Rosso, who says, "My goodness, don't the Weirs look nice today!" Kim's reaction is a little closer to mine, though. She laughs profusely and asks, "What, did you just come from church?" Ken asks Lindsay how things went with her dad and whether he was pissed. "No," says Lindsay, "not at all. He was really happy that I stole his car and smashed it." She pushes past Ken and Daniel. Daniel tries to make her feel better by telling her that the party was moved to tonight, but this does not have the desired effect. Lindsay tells him to go to hell. She adds, "I'm sick of you guys getting me in trouble all the time. I'm sick of you guys, period." Daniel says, "Maybe you're just on your period." Here's a tip for all the guys reading this: Women think that joke is uproariously funny. Try it out on a woman the time you think she's being "difficult." I'll bet the reaction will be something like Lindsay's. She yells sarcastically at Daniel until he says he was just joking. Then Lindsay tells him, "Oh, sorry, it's hard to pick up on the subtlety of your wit." Daniel asks, "What's up your butt, princess?" Lindsay calls the freaks "selfish" and says, "Look, I know you don't care about being smart or going to school or anything else, but just because your lives are such lost causes, don't keep assuming that mine is." She stalks off. Daniel asks what that was about, and Ken replies, "I don't know, but it was pretty funny." Kim tells them to shut up and walks away.
The freaks are eating lunch in the school cafeteria, sans Lindsay. They are discussing her, though. Ken claims he never wanted to hang out with her anyway and that being around her is like being with his grandmother. Lindsay's tirade has really gotten to the other freaks, though. Daniel defensively says that Lindsay doesn't know what his plans are for his life. Ken inquires about said plans. Daniel replies, "I got a lot of plans." Ken incredulously asks, "Like?" Ken volunteers that his plan is to wait until his father dies so that he can inherit his company, sell it, and move to Hawaii. The only surprise there is that Ken's family actually has money. Kim says she wants to be "a lawyer or something," adding, "I'm gonna put the police on trial; I'm gonna get guys out of jail and stuff. You know?" Ken suggests that Kim can get Daniel out of jail. Daniel tries to play tough, but you can tell he doesn't really have any plans. Ken backs off finally and gives Daniel a dollar so he can get some Sno-Balls, which I think are those round snack cakes that look like someone just vomited all over them. Nick tries to make the freaks believe that Lindsay is not actually upset about the accident, that she is secretly crying inside because he broke up with her. Kim's as skeptical as I am, and she sarcastically asks Nick if he's going to be a psychiatrist. The sarcasm flies right over his head, though, as he shyly offers up that he's planning to be a DJ. After a long pause, he adds, "And maybe, uh, a lumberjack."
Lindsay walks toward a lunch table populated by Millie and some other female Mathletes. Millie's indulging in a little geeky calculator humour: "The company's called Texas Instruments, but I heard it's made in Taiwan!" The Mathletes laugh appreciatively. Lindsay asks if she can sit with them, and they all give her a warm welcome before returning to the topic of calculators. Millie mentions Erin's new calculator that "graphs and everything!" There's been some debate in the forums over whether this would have been likely in 1980, but as someone who can't figure out half the functions on the most basic calculator, I can't answer that one. We learn that Lindsay doesn't have a calculator herself. I think it's because Dad Weir is too cheap to buy her one, though he claims that if Einstein didn't need one, she doesn't either. This leads to Millie and the others praising Lindsay's math abilities, with one of them mentioning a Mathletics judge who'd called Lindsay "The Human Calculator." They speculate that the judge had a crush on Lindsay, which they all agree was gross, because he was "like, forty years old." It kind of reminds me of conversations I had with my geeky girlfriends in high school. Millie invites Lindsay to a slumber party she's throwing for the rest of the Mathletes. Lindsay thinks it over and says she would attend but she's grounded. Millie encourages her to ask her dad anyway, because "it's gonna be a lot of fun." I seriously doubt that, although I'd consider going for the part where they play Uno.
The guy geeks are having lunch with Geek Guru Harris and Fat Gordon, who, I'm happy to see, has turned into something of a regular. Today's topic of discussion is Sam's new 'do. Neal claims Sam's hair is too short to be feathered, while Bill says, "I think it looks weird, like you're trying to be all fancy or something." Gordon tells Sam not to worry about his looks and to be happy "with what the Good Lord gave [him]." Bill remarks, "Yeah, well, the Good Lord gave you a lot, Gordon." Neal is appalled. Harris jumps in with the cliché that "the world loves jolly fat guys: Burl Ives, Jackie Gleason." Gordon adds Santa Claus, Curly, and Raymond Burr to the list, though Neal claims that Raymond Burr is not "jolly." "Well, he was extremely nice to me at last year's auto show," says Gordon. Ha, Raymond, burn on you! Ew, here comes the loathsome Cindy Sanders again. She asks to borrow a pencil. Sam says the same thing he always says when he sees her, the dorky "oh, hey, Cindy, how's it goin'?" She tells a story about sitting on a piece of chocolate in Chemistry class and having to go home to change her pants. I'm too distracted by wondering why she's taking both Chemistry and Biology to laugh very hard at her misfortune, though. She asks Sam whether he wore a hat today, because his "hair looks kinda flat." Ugh, add "rude" to the list of things I don't like about Cindy. And that list is pretty long, I tell you. Gordon proffers a pencil, and Cindy tells him she'll bring it right back. "You better!" he says, and I don't think he's kidding. Sam is disappointed that all his blow-drying was for naught. Neal tells him a new hairstyle isn't enough; Sam has to start dressing better. Sam gets all defensive, but Neal is right about one thing: It does look like Sam's mother dresses him in the morning. Sam fights back: "At least I don't look like a ventriloquist's dummy." Ha! Neal defends his own fashion sense and good grooming and adds, "Change your clothes, change your life."
At the Weir dinner table, Dad is still dissing auto mechanics, wanting to know why it's so hard for them to find a fender for his car when he lives right outside Detroit. Sam interrupts this fascinating discourse to ask for money for new clothes. Mom gets all excited and offers to take "Sammy" to the mall, where they can pick out clothes together and go to The Magic Pan for crepes. Have I mentioned in this recap yet about how cute Mrs. Weir is? Because she is, you know. Sam doesn't think so, though. He insists that Mom always buys him "something stupid like Garanimals," and that he wants to pick out his own clothes. For once, Dad backs him up. Mom looks devastated when Dad says Sam has to learn to dress himself, adding, "Gotta cut those apron strings sometime." He stops smiling when Lindsay asks him if it's all right for her to stay after school to rejoin the Mathletes. Mom telegraphs her approval to Dad, and he agrees, but adds, "But if this is some kind of ploy, then heaven help you." Lindsay just thanks him.
Lindsay approaches Mr. Kowchevski to ask about becoming a Mathlete again. He's happy to have her back but tells her that she will have to be in the reserves, since all the blocks are full. She's a little discouraged but agrees to that.
The class bell rings, and Kim says she has to go to class. Daniel tries to get her to leave with him so they can have sex instead. She refuses, and he hassles her, calling her "Lindsay." Kim gets mad and asks him what happened to all his "big plans." Daniel says he went to all his classes the day before and had trouble staying awake. Kim tells him to drink some coffee "and get it together." She leaves. Daniel walks out into the middle of the hall and watches some students hurrying to class. The hall empties out as he stands there, looking lost.
We arrive at the Mathletes' lunch table just in time to hear Lindsay deliver this punchline: "So Carl Sagan says, 'That's not a cosine. You don't know your asymptote from a hole in the ground.'" The Mathletes all laugh appreciatively. Someone named Shelly joins them, and she's a bitch. With thinly veiled sarcasm, she pretends to commiserate with Lindsay over being assigned to the reserves. Millie says, "You know, Shelly, if you give up First Block, then Lindsay could have her spot back on the team." Lindsay responds with a shocked "Millie!" Millie claims she was just kidding. Shelly's all steely-voiced as she says, "Don't kid about First Block." She tells Lindsay, "I just can't believe that you would give up First Block to hang out with freaks!" "God, Shelly!" says one of the Mathletes. Shelly says, "It's true! I'm not putting her down!" She does, however, put down the rest of the freaks, saying she bets they were all high at the time of the car accident. Lindsay says that they were not. Shelly asks if Kim was with them and adds that Kim is pregnant. Lindsay looks pissed but manages to keep her self-control as she says, "Just because a girl chooses to live her life differently than you do doesn't mean she's automatically barefoot and pregnant." Shelly passive-aggressifies (tm gwen) some more with, "I didn't say she was barefoot. Don't get all mad! Anyway, you know her better than I do." Meow!
Lindsay storms back to Mr. Kowchevski to demand that he put her on the team because she is "the best person at math in this school." I'm not crazy about Kowchevski, but I do have to laugh when he says, "Well, actually, I think that I'm the best person at math in this school." Lindsay responds with, "Okay, but come on, let's cut the crap, Kowchevski." Hee! Kowchevski tries to tell her that bumping someone else wouldn't be fair to the other team members who have been putting the effort into attending the practices and meets so far. Lindsay displays a hitherto hidden competitive streak a mile wide as she argues that there's no point in competing if they're not going to win. Kowchevski just smiles as he thinks this over.
Bill and Sam are at the clothing store from the fake ID episode. The disco music is blaring. I don't know the name of the song, and I don't care enough to ask. Nor should you. Bill is in awe as he comments that it "looks like a disco." Joel Hodgson is back as the salesman. He walks right over and tells Bill not to eat around the fine disco threads. Bill argues that he's not done with his pretzel and can't just throw it away. Joel responds with a whiny "Well, I can't have you getting mustard all over our garments!" Honestly, who could tell the difference on all those funky-patterned, wide-lapel polyester shirts anyway? Sam tells Bill to wait outside, but Bill obviously doesn't want to miss out on the disco fever, so he jams the rest of the pretzel into his mouth. "There, all done," he mumbles. Sam shyly says that he wants to buy some clothes that will make him "look like the best-dressed kid in school." Joel asks, "You wanna be a stud? Or do you wanna be a super-stud?" Bill takes this question very seriously and encouragingly says, through a mouthful of half-chewed pretzel, "Super-stud, Sam. Go for super-stud!" Joel pulls down a garment off a wall rack and claims it's "the hottest thing going in Europe right now." Sam asks, "What is it?" Good question. To me it just looks like a garage mechanic's jumpsuit, except I know my friend Mike would never order them for his garage, because that light grey-blue colour would get dirty too quickly. Maybe that's what these jumpsuits really are -- garage mechanic uniforms that were made in the wrong colour and sold cheap as a result. Joel knows how to put a good spin on it, though, claiming, "This is a Parisian Nightsuit. Now, I predict every trendsetting guy in this city's gonna own one." Hmm, suburban Michigan, 1980. Why am I finding that a little hard to believe? Joel lays it on even thicker: "Buy this garment, and I guarantee you'll be perceived as a man of distinction by the ladies." Sam's still not sure. Joel goes for the kill, saying that he himself is not a handsome man: "But I learned how to style my hair, started wearing some of these clothes...." He then leers and nods knowingly as he concludes, "It's been pretty cool."
At Mathlete practice, Kowchevski announces that Lindsay is going to be part of the team. Shelly starts arguing that this is unfair. Kowchevski agrees, but says that they need Lindsay to beat Lincoln at the match. Millie is going to be bumped to make room for Lindsay. She's disappointed but accedes graciously. Shelly is not as gracious, and a fight breaks out, which Kowchevski has to stop by saying, "This is not the last chopper out of Saigon, so can we just crank down the drama a notch, okay?"
The J. Geils Band's "Flamethrower" plays while Sam dances around his room, partnered by the Parisian Nightsuit. You know, he's a pretty good dancer! I'm impressed. He starts shrieking "Owwww!" a la Nina Blackwood, not that MTV was on the air yet. I have fond memories of mocking her in high school, though, so I can't pass up an opportunity to do so now. Besides, Sam really does sound like her. He's also talking to his mirror, pretending it's Cindy, and saying things like, "Let's you and me get outta here." I think he's definitely going for super-stud.
Lindsay and Millie are studying in Millie's room. Lindsay starts asking questions about Shelly's strengths and weaknesses as a Mathlete, saying that she wants to "blow Shelly out of the water." Lindsay adds that if she can't be number one, she won't compete in Mathletics anymore. I'm not sure I like the new, competitive Lindsay. ["I do!" -- Wing Chun]
Lindsay's still in uber-competitive mode as she tells Mom she's planning to eat dinner in her room to get some last-minute studying in. Mom tries to get her to relax a little, but Lindsay's too obsessed with beating Shelly. When Mom asks her if she's having fun, Lindsay says, "Of course I am," but I think the viewers are supposed to know better.
Oh, Lord, Sam actually wore the garage mechanic's jumpsuit to school. Joe Jackson's "Look Sharp" plays in the background as Sam swaggers down the hall in his feathered hair and Parisian Nightsuit. Poor Sam starts out all confident, but you can see his confidence diminishing as every single person who sees him laughs at him. He turns the corner and runs into Seidelman, a.k.a. Sugar Daddy from Popular. "What the hell is this?" asks Sugar Daddy, as Sam tries to run away. Sugar Daddy hoists him up in the air and says, "Look, it's the new Disco Ken doll!" I feel bad for laughing. Sam hides behind some lockers until he spies Gordon, Neal and Bill, engaged in a deep discussion of whether or not you can explode if you light your farts. For the record, the Weekly World News says you can, although the last time I checked, they prefer to just call it "spontaneous human combustion" and leave the flatulence out of it. I assume that's so they won't offend the delicate sensibilities of the readers who only buy the magazine to see where the image of Jesus' face has shown up this week. Etched in soap scum on a drinking glass fresh from the dishwasher? In a puddle of Sunny D someone spilled on their kitchen floor? Speaking of miracles, Neal takes one look at Sam and says, "Oh, my God, I guess Elvis hasn't left the building." Bill defends him by saying, "That's a Parisian Nightsuit, in case you didn't know." Neal disagrees, calling it a jumpsuit, and saying, "My grandpa in Fort Lauderdale wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants." ["Perhaps I need to get me a Parisian Nightsuit...." -- Wing Chun] Sam doesn't care to discuss his attire with his friends; he just wants them to help him get out of the building as surreptitiously as possible. With the geeks flanking him like bodyguards, Sam looks more super-studly than ever! Neal won't give up on the Nightsuit, though; he asks, "Why did you buy that?" Sam argues that Neal was the one who said Sam should dress better. Neal says, "Yeah, I didn't say you should dress like Evel Knievel." Bill wisely realizes that by trying so hard to hide Sam, they're just making themselves more conspicuous. Gordon feels like he's in the Secret Service. The class bell rings, and the geeks bail on Sam to go to class. Sam almost makes it out the door when an administrative-type woman stops him. She doesn't buy his excuse about needing to get something from outside and sends him to class with a "nice duds, junior!"
In English class, the teacher is trying to get her students to volunteer to answer a question on the blackboard. When no one does, she calls on Sam, who looks up at her in terror. Instead of refusing, he actually walks up to the front of the classroom, where the teacher comments on how "nice" he looks. Some guys start doing that coughing shtick from Animal House, but instead of saying "blowjob," they're saying "homo." The teacher jumps to Sam's defense, but ends up making matters much worse, as is usually the case in such scenarios. She says, "Now, if Sam wearing something different to express his individuality makes him a 'homo,' well, then I guess we should all be proud to be homos." She tells him to go ahead and answer the question on the blackboard, but it looks like first he'll have to pick his jaw up off the floor.
Outside the school, Daniel walks by Harris, who's sitting on the grass, reading. Daniel stops and stares at Harris until he looks up and says, "You're not gonna beat me up, are you?" Daniel says no and asks Harris what he's reading. It's The Monster Manual, a Dungeons and Dragons handbook. Harris suggests that Daniel would make a good Dungeon Master, whatever that is. Daniel thanks him and sits down, asking, "What do you think of me?" "Excuse me?" says Harris, clearly taken aback. Daniel expands on his original question thusly: "If someone were to ask you, 'What do you think of Daniel Desario?' what would you say? Would you say 'he's a loser'?" I have to give Harris points for honesty, though he doesn't rank too high on the sensitivity scale when he replies, "No, no, you're not a loser. 'Cause you have sex. If you weren't having sex, then we could definitely debate the issue." Oh, that's cold. Daniel moans about his grades a bit and admits he was even left back once. Actually, he's been left back twice, but admitting that would be a little too much to expect from anyone, I think. Harris thinks it over, but the best he can come up with is this: "Well, 'today is the first day of the rest of your life.' Someone sent a card with that on it for my dad's sixty-fifth birthday." They discuss Harris's dad's age for a bit, and then Daniel says, "You know, you're a pretty interesting guy, Harris." He goes on to compliment Harris for doing his own thing and having it all together. Harris agrees, but then adds that he does not have sex. The guys both laugh. This is one of the coolest scenes on the show yet. Not that anything can top Dad Weir's tale of losing his virginity to the Korean whore.
Mr. Kowchevski is trying to psych up the Mathletes before the big match. His little pep talk ends with his exhorting the team to "kick some Lincoln ass!" Whoo-hoo! Lindsay and Shelly wish each other luck in a very phony manner. Millie wishes Lindsay luck sincerely. Aw, she's such a nice friend. Mom and Dad Weir are in the audience, beaming happily. Kim walks in the door and takes a seat alone in the back of the room. She glances across the aisle to see Nick there, also sitting alone. They ask each other, "What are you doing here?" Nick says, "I was just killing some time." He gets up and leaves.
Sam is on the phone with his -door neighbour, trying to find out if she knows where his mother is. Apparently she doesn't, because Sam asks her if she could pick him up from school. Someone grabs the phone from Sam and hangs it up. It's Alan the bully, and he's brought his usual gang of evil little minions along for the ride. Alan asks, "Excuse me, aren't you Deney Terrio from Dance Fever?" I know I'm not supposed to laugh at a bully's jokes, but that line cracked me up. One of Alan's henchmen says, "No, I told you, it's Chrissy from Three's Company!" Alan insults Sam for a bit, throwing around the word "queer" indiscriminately, until Sam loses it and charges at Alan. Mr. Rosso breaks it up, yelling at Alan. Alan says he was just trying to talk to Sam, which leads a skeptical Mr. Rosso to proclaim, "Yeah, it looks like you guys were having a regular meeting of the minds." Sam asks Mr. Rosso to drive him home.
The Mathletics judge is asking questions that sound like they're in a foreign language. Well, that's how they sound to me, anyway. Lindsay comments that the other team is good and asks Shelly if she's nervous. Shelly replies that she does not get nervous. Lindsay sounds at least partway sincere when she says, "Wow, that's great. I wish I was that confident." Shelly snottily, and nervously, answers, "It comes with being First Block." Lindsay says, "Yeah, I remember." She stands up when it is her turn, and the audience applauds politely. A few people are shouting particularly loudly, and when Lindsay looks toward the back of the room, she sees Daniel, Ken and Kim holding up a yellow automobile part -- a fender, I guess -- and cheering. Lindsay looks a little freaked by it all, and the judge has no idea what to make of it. After Lindsay sits down, he starts reading out a math question. Lindsay's startled at first, and it looks like she's having trouble concentrating. She figures out the answer quickly, though, and the freaks loudly cheer for her.
Mr. Rosso walks into the Weir living room, asking if Sam is okay. Sam is lying facedown on the couch, asking if he has to go back to school. He adds, "I'm sick of everybody laughing at me." Mr. Rosso launches into a story about being beat up by some rednecks for being a "hippie." The point of this parable is that Mr. Rosso never stopped being proud of what he was, even when the rednecks made him "bark like a dog." Sam informs him that he dressed in the moronic Parisian Nightsuit in order to impress Cindy Sanders, except he doesn't use the word "moronic." Mr. Rosso has an answer for everything, and in this case, his advice is for Sam to believe in himself, which is pretty much what he'd just finished saying before. I'm starting to warm up to him, though, when he says, "If I say I am the coolest guy in the world, and I believe I am the coolest guy in the world, then suddenly I become the coolest guy in the world." Sam says, "But I'm not cool." Mr. Grosso looks around the room, his gaze landing on a framed pencil drawing of Sam that is hanging on a wall. He points to it and says, "Well, take a look at this kid. Because that's a cool kid." I know I should feel guilty for saying it, but Mr. Rosso is starting to annoy me again now.
Lindsay is still knocking 'em dead at the Mathletics competition. As she answers question after question, Kim says, "Damn, I've never felt so stupid in my whole life." Listening to these math questions, I kind of feel the same way Kim does, but the big difference is that I don't care. Nobody pays me to remember algebra, damn it. Lindsay completes a perfect round and receives a standing ovation from the crowd, as well as a compliment from Kowchevski that she is a "born Mathlete." It's Shelly's turn , and she chokes on the very first question. She looks like she's about to cry. Lindsay just looks uncomfortable.
Shelly is not in attendance at Millie's faboo slumber party, where the other Mathletes proceed to rip her to shreds. Millie is the only one who takes a stab at defending her. Lindsay just looks uncomfortable. Do you see a pattern developing here?
The boy geeks are having their own slumber party, where Sam has apparently just related Mr. Rosso's advice. Neal says, "Yeah, but I already think I'm cool. But nobody else does." Bill suggests that maybe Neal isn't cool. Neal responds with an angry, "Hey, shut up! I am so." Sam says, "So am I. I'm really cool." Bill says, "You know what, Sam? You actually do seem cooler all of a sudden. I think it's working." I don't know about that. I hate to break it to you, Sam, but I don't think Mr. Rosso's advice is working very well. Maybe if you danced to "Flamethrower" again, though, I'd reconsider.
Lindsay is sneaking out of the slumber party when Millie stops her. When Lindsay says she has to go home, Millie asks, "What's the matter? Are you gonna go use your own bathroom?" Man, she's cute. Lindsay says, "I just can't do this." Millie seems to understand, even before Lindsay brings up the fact that "things are different now." She asks what Lindsay is going to do. Lindsay says, "I don't know, but I don't think I want to be a Mathlete." Millie asks if they can still play Uno sometimes, when Lindsay has "nothing else to do." Aww. I'm so glad that Lindsay says she and Millie will always be friends. She says goodbye and walks out the front door, leaving Millie standing all forlorn in her nightgown.
Supertramp's "Take the Long Way Home" plays while Lindsay, um, takes the long way home, which leads her to the freaks sitting in a parking lot. They haven't seen her yet, and Kim is suggesting that they catch a midnight art film. Nick asks if that's "the kind you have to read." Ken hassles her too, by asking "What's the point?" Kim says, "The point is trying not to be a dumb-ass for once in your life!" Daniel who's been lying on the hood of his car, probably contemplating his life, says he will go. Ken has apparently not experienced any epiphanies; he's still whining that the film "just better not be about a guy who talks a lot." Lindsay walks up to them and says hi. Actually, she says, "Hey." Kim is especially happy to see her, and even Daniel sits up. When Lindsay asks if she can join them, Ken says, "Sure, can we borrow your dad's car?" Daniel tells him to shut up and says that Lindsay can ride in his car. Nick pulls Lindsay aside to say that he's glad she's feeling better about their breakup. He says, "I think you're handling it really well." Lindsay has the good grace to be polite about this. And just when you think it might be about to get too sentimental, Ken calls out to Nick, "Hey, I didn't get all gussied up to sit here alone, man!" They all get in the cars and drive away.
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