Time in a Bottle

S01E11

At the geeks' table in the cafeteria, Neal asks Sam and Bill to guess what he found on his bed when he woke up. Bill guesses, "A turd?" Good try, Bill, but I don't think the Easter Bunny hits the Schweiber household. Neal informs them that his dad got him an Atari, then gets up to get some more "Ben Franklin beans." Is that an American specialty, or what? Hey, get me a side of Millard Fillmore potatoes while you're up there. While Neal is away from the table, Sam tells Bill about his encounter with Dr. Schweiber at the department store. Bill needs more details about what kind of hug that Sam witnessed so he makes Sam hug him, but it's okay because Bill is "quite secure with [his] manliness." Sam leans over and hugs him just a little too long and Bill pushes him away. Bill thinks that Sam should tell Neal what he saw but Sam doesn't want to. Bill reminds him that they've promised never to keep secrets from each other and brings up the time he "tried to sneak a fart but it came out a poop." Omigod, this is so funny but it was hard to laugh while seeing the trauma revisited on Bill's face as he continues, "Then I had to flush my undies down the toilet. Do you think I wanted to tell you guys that?" No, but I bet they would've been happier not to have had to hear it at all. Ladies and gentleman, the always scatological Bill Haverchuk!

Amy is in a music classroom practicing "When the Saints Go Marching In" with some other band members, except the saints aren't exactly marching. They sound more like they're limping. Daniel catches Ken spying on her through the window in the door, and makes him admit that he has a thing for Amy. Ken threatens to kill him if he tells anyone. Daniel claims he's been waiting since the third grade for Ken to like someone. Who knew that Daniel was such a yenta? Anyway, Daniel offers to talk to Lindsay for him to get Lindsay to talk to Amy. That last sentence pretty much defines the whole high-school experience, doesn't it? Ken agrees to the plan and when Daniel leaves, he resumes spying on Amy.

Back in the Schweiber living room, the geeks are playing Asteroids. ["Glark claims that, while Neal was given an Atari 2600, the version of Asteroids depicted was for a 2600 successor." -- Wing Chun] Sam gets up to go to the washroom and Neal reminds him to lift the seat. Bill is about to tell Neal about Sam seeing his father when Sam comes in the room and tries to stop him. Neal demands to know what they're talking about and Bill tells him. Bill tries to hug Neal to show him how his dad was hugging Carol but Neal pushes him away. Neal claims it's impossible that Sam saw his dad because his dad was in surgery. Sam confirms the sighting but Neal just thinks that Sam is jealous that Dr. S. is cooler than Dad Weir. Bill tries to explain but Neal angrily says to him, "You don't even have a dad!" Bill insists that he does have a dad and that he spoke to him "three months ago." Aw, that's rather heart-wrenching. Neal's dad comes through the door and senses the tension. Bill and Sam make their excuses and leave. Dr. S. follows them outside to coax them to stay. Mrs. Dr. Schweiber arrives and asks about ordering in dinner, then goes inside. Dr. S. stands in the driveway.