By Cate
Lindsay is walking down the hall alone when she is accosted by two jocks. One of them says, "If I gave you a joint, would you have sex with me?" Ah, yes, that brand of comedy known as Cretinous Popular Teenage Guy humour! It's so creative! Not to mention gut-bustingly funny. Lindsay incredulously asks, "What?" The jocks just laugh and then do some super-secret Popular Guy handshake as they walk away. Lindsay walks in the opposite direction, still looking disgusted, until she runs into the freaks. They're all excited that their band, Creation, has been asked to perform at Stoker's party. Ken promises they will "blow the roof off his garage in a most rocktageous way." Lindsay is really thrilled for them. Daniel shows his gratitude for her enthusiasm by telling her that they need to use her parents' station wagon to pick up some band equipment. When Lindsay says that her parents are "insane" about the car and will not let her borrow it, Daniel tells her not to be "lame." I'm so happy to see Lindsay standing up for herself, though I suspect it won't last very long. Kim helpfully points out that Mrs. Weir plays bridge on Tuesdays, and Daniel suggests a little auto theft, though he doesn't quite use that term. You know Lindsay's gonna cave in, right?
The thing you know, Lindsay's swerving down a residential street, trying to avoid hitting a squirrel. Joe Jackson's "I'm the Man" is blaring on the car stereo (thanks, Goalie31). The station wagon is a fine American late '70s model in light blue. I am disappointed that there's no wood paneling on the side. Daniel insults Lindsay's driving. I have to admit he's got a point. He and Kim start arguing about directions, while Nick and Ken do some macho male bonding in the back seat, drunkenly punching each other. Ken tells Lindsay to change the music so he won't have to listen to "this stupid New Wave crap." He also tells her to roll down the windows because he has "a big one a-brewin'." Just as Nick comments that "those Miller farts are unbelievable," Kim screams in Lindsay's ear, distracting her. Kim plows into another station wagon pulling out of a driveway. The Joe Jackson song ends just as the camera closes in on Lindsay's shocked face and she says, "Oh, my God." It's a perfect time for the opening credits.
The geeks are hurrying down the school hall so that Sam can get his math book from his locker. Neal comments that being in school after hours makes him feel like a janitor. Bill opines, "Janitors are cool. I'd like to be a janitor." Neal asks if this is because he'd like to "show up with the red sawdust after a kid throws up." Bill claims that it's because janitors make more money than teachers: "It makes up for all that gross stuff they have to do." The geeks all eavesdrop on Cindy Sanders and Todd, who are standing a little further down the hall from them. Cindy is insisting that "girls do not call boys." Cindy, girls did too call boys back in 1980, especially when they were already dating them. It's only lame girls like you who think that's not okay. I remember girls like Cindy from my university residence. They used to get up at 6 AM on weekends so they could put on full makeup to go to breakfast in the campus dining hall. I'm hoping that in a few years Sam will be really embarrassed that he liked her so much. Right now, though, he just wants to know "what's so great about [Todd] anyway?" Neal says, "It's the hair." As if to illustrate that point, Cindy reaches out to pet Todd's hair, but he won't let her, and immediately whips out a comb from his back pocket for a little impromptu grooming. Neal claims that women really go for the feathered look in men's hair. "Yeah," agrees Bill, "all the men my mom dates have feathered hair. I heard her talking to her girlfriend, and she said, 'Any guy with feathered hair is foxy.'" I'm sure I'm not the only viewer who's dying to see the woman who gave birth to Bill. Sam just doesn't understand why girls would care how you comb your hair. "That's women," offers Neal. "They get turned on by weird stuff." Not that I'm in any way defending feathered hair -- or shallowness in general -- but looking at the hairstyles of the geeks, it's easy to see why the finer points of grooming might escape them.