We open at Peak County High. Rocking music plays as Ephram does The Newly-Screwed Strut through the halls. It's cute as hell. Irv tells us, "The speed and direction of our path through life are pretty good measures of our age: we race headlong through childhood, never looking back, wanting it to end as quickly as possible. As we get older, we occasionally slow down long enough to look around and savor certain moments. It's a sure sign of growing up." Ephram is feeling cocky enough to shout, "Whassup, boys?" to a group of unattractive athletes. They give him the stink-eye anyway. He tells Amy Abbott to smile. Hee. Finally, Ephram saunters up to his partner-in-hormones, Bright "Dense But Hot" Abbott. They're all high fives and "Master of the Universe" testosterone-fueled chatter. Ephram ruins it all for Bright by talking about his feelings, saying he didn't think he could like Madison any more, but he does, and he didn't know he could feel this way. Bright: "Well, I don't think I used the word 'feel.' I might have used the word 'feel up'" Ephram then compares it to how he felt when Return of the King came out -- he never thought it could be better than the first or second movies, but it was! Bright is totally lost. He tells Ephram to pace himself; it's a marathon, not a sprint. Ephram doesn't listen, and goes off to do more strutting. Irv says, "It's only in our twilight years, when our pace has slowed, and the race is nearing the end, that we spend most of our time looking backwards. And we wonder why we were ever in such a hurry." Credits.
Will Cleveland's house. Vader is back! Ephram is playing jazz on the piano, and Vader actually smiles, saying he doesn't know what's got into Ephram. Well, we all know what got into Madison, now, don't we? Ephram says he's been practicing, and things have been pretty good for him lately. Vader tells him to put his money where his mouth is; he wants to enter Ephram in a jazz competition in Boulder that weekend. Ephram doesn't wanna, and says he already has plans. Vader: "You can leave the girl for one weekend." Busted! Ephram's all, "Girl? What girl?" Vader tells Ephram he's about as subtle as a baboon's ass, and the only other thing that affects a man's playing like it has Ephram's is heartbreak. He tells Ephram that he doesn't have time for dilettantes, and if he were serious about music, he'd go to Boulder. Ephram demurs, saying he'd much rather spend his weekend with jazz geeks than making out with his hot girlfriend. "Hot"? Vader tells Ephram to get back to practicing. As he does, the doorbell rings. Ephram asks Vader if he wants to get the door. Vader doesn't hear it. It rings again, and Ephram asks him again if he wants to get the doorbell. Vader: "That'll keep. Play." Oh, no! I hope you know sign language, Luke.
Amy and Laynie are studying for the SATs at Edna's. Two Laynies in a row? What have we done to deserve this? Amy decides she'd rather talk about her crackhead boyfriend. Laynie says she thought Amy had already decided to break up with him. Amy says she needs one more thing in the "con" column. Laynie: "Let's see, did you put 'big fat liar' in the 'con' column?'" Heh. Amy, for reasons unknown, is still unsure. Laynie points out that Eyebrows lied, then lied some more, and only came clean after he was caught. Amy apparently thinks this is hot, and uses his sad background as an excuse for his behavior. She says he's just "damaged." Laynie says that Eyebrows isn't a Social Studies project, and the decision should be simple: If she spends more time questioning the relationship than being happy in it, it's time to bail. She says the break-up has to be quick and dirty, because Amy isn't strong enough to handle all the begging that Eyebrows is sure to do. Amy says she is, too, strong! Laynie reminds her that she put "damaged" in the "pro" column. God.