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We open on Everwood at night, at what is clearly a make-out site for teenagers. A Sheryl Crow song plays in the background as we pan down to a running car, inside of which are Amy and Eyebrows, making out. Irv tells us, "For many years now, this sliver of dust-covered rock has served as a haven for the hope-filled and hormone-driven youth of our town. You won't find it on any map, but everyone knows exactly where it is. We call it 'The Point.'" Amy and Eyebrows kiss noisily -- and I do mean noisily, like, seriously, is the thousand-decibel smacking really necessary? -- then move on to what appears to be second base. Amy helps Eyebrows remove her shirt, then more really loud kissing. Oh! Eyebrows tries to steal third. Amy Abbott ain't having it. She's all, "Uh, that was new." Eyebrows gives her that crap line that every teenage girl in the universe has heard: "It's okay, baby. I can wait until you're ready, even if it's never." Amy falls for it, of course, and they go back to smooches. Irv informs us that "On this uncharted piece of rock, many of Everwood's young people first discovered their capacity for passion, and sometimes for love. For them, the view from The Point will be forever etched in their hearts and minds -- a reminder of one special moment when everything changed." Credits.
When we come back, it's to Treat, Rinda, and Delia in the car. They're playing a game that has Delia stumped. "Is it an animal?" she asks. Rinda: "Nope." Who is this new, evil-eye-less Delia? I like her. Can we keep it? It's not a plant, either, but it may be an inanimate object. They arrive at Rinda's, and as Rinda gets out of the car, Delia says, "Wait, wait! Are cartoon characters inanimated objects?" Rinda tells Delia she's getting warmer, and they smile at one another. Treat walks Rinda to her door. They can't believe Delia's being so agreeable. "And thus begins the Great Thaw of 2004," Treat remarks. Rinda says she thinks Delia may be beginning not to hate her. Treat: "Are you kidding? She gave you some of her curly fries. She's crazy about you." Heh. Treat speaks the truth; in my world, fry-sharing is akin to donating an organ. Treat and Rinda giggle, then Treat tells Rinda that he doesn't think his kids would mind if she came over for dinner on Saturdayand then spent the night. Rinda isn't so sure. She asks Treat if he's actually asked his kids if they would mind. Treat admits he hasn't. Rinda says, "Yeah, why don't you get back to me after you've had that conversation." Treat says he thinks they're ready for the step, and he's tired of waiting. Delia suddenly calls from the car, "Is it Nemo?!" Rinda grins at both Treat and Delia. This seems to make the decision for them. Aw.
Madison's house. The camera pans over her living room to Madison and Ephram studying on the couch, and I had to rewind about five times before I concluded that no, that wasn't a giant cube of ground beef atop a piece of aluminum foil, but a box sitting on a tray. The thought of seeing Madison and Ephram macking down is obviously making me go blind. Madison's incredibly bitchy roommate walks in and asks, "Did your underage boyfriend take one of my Fudgesicles?" Ephram says he took one. Bitchy Roommate bitches on and on about her "fudgie-pops," and if Ephram touches one more, she's going to call Child Services. Lord. Shut up, greedy. It's a fucking popsicle. She leaves in a huff. Madison tells Ephram that the good news is that BR is going to visit her boyfriend in Boise this weekend, which means he's "either fictional, or crazy." No kidding. Madison says she's just happy they have the place to themselves for once. Ephram gets all weird and stammery at this news. Madison takes no notice of this, and tells him to be there on Friday around 5:00.
“ Eyebrows promises that he'll never do it again, which is about the same as me promising that I'll never drink another martini or, you know, take another breath. ”
Amy and Eyebrows in the master bedroom (with a candlestick). Eyebrows is all ready to get it on, but Amy has other things on her mind. Namely, that her boyfriend is a drug-dealing freak. Eyebrows gives Amy some shitty line about being poor and sad and having to deal drugs to support himself and his family. And buy extravagant electronic gifts for your girlfriend. Amy is not heartened by this story, even when Eyebrows assures her that he's just a "middleman." Don't give me crap and call it ice cream, Eyebrows. He promises that he'll never do it again, which is about the same as me promising that I'll never drink another martini or, you know, take another breath. Amy just wants to go. Eyebrows says he'll get their coats. Amy waits for him with tears in her eyes.
Ephram plays a crazy song on the piano. It's sort of hideous. Treat interrupts his son, and says, "If our yelling didn't scare Linda off, that piece would have sure done the trick." Ephram: "That fight scared her? Amateur." Hee. Ephram tells his dad that he's sorry about lying. Treat says he was in for some serious grounding. But he isn't now? Because? Ephram says grounding him would probably be doing him a favor. Treat says he gets the feeling he can't compete with whatever Ephram is going through lately. Ephram: "So I'm off the hook?" Treat says to call it an advance on his screw-up. He then attempts to give Ephram the birds-and-bees talk. He tells Ephram that a lot of parents try to stop their kids from having sex, but trying to stop sex is like trying to hold back the tide with a broom. Weirdest comparison ever. Treat says that part of him just wants his son to go out and have a good time, but he wants Ephram to know that sex isn't as simple as it looks. Ephram says he sure did get that part. Treat tells Ephram that he can talk to him any time about it. Ephram says, "I really don't see that happening, but thank you." Heh.
Madison arrives at that moment, and Treat tells Ephram that they can finish their discussion later. Madison has on a really cute scarf that totally came from the Gap. She asks Ephram if he wants to go out for a little bit. Of course Ephram does! Treat tells those two crazy kids to have fun.
Edna's house. Amy's reading with a cup of coffee. Edna notices, and asks Amy when she started drinking coffee. Amy says she mixed a bag of cocoa with it to give it that mochaccino effect. Edna tells her granddaughter that she's a pretty smart cookie, which she then uses as an opener for yet another birds-and-bees talk. Edna says she knows Amy is thinking about having sex, and she never had this talk with Rinda or Patch. She wants to take this chance to get it right. Edna begins uncomfortably, "Sexis special." Well, thank you for that, Edna. She goes on to tell Amy that sex can be great at the right time and with the right person, but without those ingredients, it's not so great. She says that moment only happens once. "And you, my beautiful, lovely granddaughter, deserve to have that moment in your life be the most perfect it could possibly be." Aw. Tears. Amy smiles and tells her grandmother, "Thank you."
“ Rinda gets a 'I would like to have sex with you this very second, you hot daddy' look on her face. ”
Cut to Treat and Rinda. Rinda has come over to try to break up with Treat. She says that seeing him with his kids made her rethink everything, since they're the most important thing in his life, and she doesn't want to jeopardize that. Treat: "No. You don't get to call this relationship off. I veto." Heh. Rinda says she doesn't think it works that way. Treat says she may have just realized he's a dad, but he didn't. "Bad things can happen. And if you don't think I know that after losing my wife, you have no business being my friend, much less anything else. I know things can go wrong, which is exactly why I think it's worth the risk if I can feel this way again. So, no. If you want to break up with me you better find a better reason." Yay! Rinda gets a "I would like to have sex with you this very second, you hot daddy" look on her face.
The Point. Ephram and Madison are there. Man. Ephram makes a joke about his premature ejaculation. Now that's just plain weird. Madison says that they need to have a "song," so every time they hear it they'll think of each other. I had a song with someone once for that reason. In seventh grade. Madison says that whatever's on the radio when she turns it on will be their song. It's a twangy country number. Madison: "Best two out of three." The two songs suck, too. She changes the station one more time, and lands on "Anna Begins." Which I'm going to take as a shout-out, thanks. Ephram and Madison start to make out, and this time he has no trouble at all with that pesky belt buckle. Loud, loud, loud kissing, Counting Crows, a gorgeous view of The Point at night, and we fade to black. Nooooooooooo!