Daddy's Little Girl

We open with a shot of a baby girl in a stroller. Her daddy smiles and plays with her. Irv tells us that fathers are in love with their daughters from the very beginning. More shots of daddies and little girls. Oh, we're in a bookshop. Irv says that no matter what they grow up to be, they're always "Daddy's Little Girl" to their fathers. Hey, that's the title of the episode, too! How clever of those writers! Also, the line Irv says is, "She makes him feel like Christmas." It made me feel like vomiting. Irv finishes by telling us that, in exchange for all of this, daddies make themselves a promise not to see their daughters' teenage awkwardness, their mistakes, or the secrets they keep. I'm pretty sure my dad broke that little promise as he was tearing me a new asshole for wrecking the car. Twice. We pan to another section of the bookshop, where Treat and Delia are arguing. Treat exposits, "Delia. This is your fourth-grade homework assignment, not your honors thesis." Delia tells Treat to pick her up so she can reach the higher shelves. She chooses a book about Golda Meir. Treat asks if she even knows who that is. She does, and she also knows who Peggy Fleming is. Delia explains, "I like to ice skate, and I'd like to run my own country some day. But not Israel. That one's too hard." Hee. Treat says he's going to go find her some anthologies, since it's one book with lots of stories. Delia keeps looking for heroes.

Well, well. Who should Treat run into but Rinda? And by "run into," I mean "actually run into, with the books falling out of Rinda's arms and Treat helping her pick them up and the fuck-me gaze into one another's eyes, which is totally not a clich, and never has been." Rinda comments on Treat's interesting reading material "for a thirteen-year-old girl." Treat says he can explain. Rinda says she'd love to understand the connection between Mother Teresa and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Treat: "Daughter, homework, hero." Duh, Rinda. Rinda is reading The Web That Has No Weaver: Understanding Chinese Medicine. Oh, naturally. ["Although, if she's a practitioner of said medicine, shouldn't she be a little beyond books about 'understanding' it? Also, shut up, Rinda." -- Sars] Treat makes fun of it, as he should. Rinda says, "Did I judge Buffy?" Is your name Ace, Sep, or Couch Baron? Then no, you didn't, and you won't if you know what's good for you, Madame Mao. Treat says he was kidding, and isn't opposed to something new. He asks Rinda what her favorites are. Christ, here we go. She pulls about a hundred new age books off the shelf and hands them to Treat. Have fun with that, dude. You made your own bed. As they talk, Delia walks up. She gives Rinda a bad face. Treat introduces them. Delia gives the fakest smile ever and tells Rinda hi. Treat says they have to go get more books for Delia. Rinda tells Delia that it was nice to meet her. Delia replies with Eyes of Hate, and walks off. Irv says, "In exchange for her unconditional loveevery father is oblivious to the changes in his daughter as she drifts further away from her childhood self, until she's too far away to pull back." Credits.

A swim meet? Okay. Bright and Amy get on their marks. Get set, go, and the Abbotts cheer wildly in the stands. Amy does okay until she's about halfway down the lane. Then she starts to drown. Wait, is this symbolic or something? Also, her hair is completely down, which has to interfere with her speed. Andcut to Amy, who is telling her dream to a counselor of some sort. Amy says it's stupid anyway, like, it's not like dreams MEAN anything or whatever. The counselor asks about the part where everyone passes her. Amy says that everyone is doing better than her, and it's a fact, that there's NOTHING she can do about it anyway, and she would do SOMETHING to make herself feel better if there were just SOMETHING she could do, blah blah blah someone-needs-antidepressants-cakes. The counselor, who is pretty and very familiar, suggests that Amy start coming to therapy twice a week instead of once. Amy brats out and rolls her eyes. "Dr. Lence" asks Amy to talk to her parents and think about it. Amy says she will. Sure.

Mama Joy's. Treat, Patch, and Rinda are eating together. Patch is in the middle with his tucked-in napkin. Such a cute dork. Treat and Rinda are arguing over Eastern and Western medicine and which one can beat the other one up. I refuse to recap it, because it's boring and retarded. The point is, Rinda thinks that for everything physical that's wrong with a patient, there's an underlying emotional reason. Patch can't take it anymore, and gets up to leave. Treat asks Rinda if they should tell him his napkin's still tucked into his collar. Heh.

Delia's classroom. Brittany asks Delia what she thinks about her new nail polish that her dad got her in Japan. Tiny Arnie volunteers, "My pencil box is from Japan." Brittany bitches, "No one's talking to you, Arnie." Man, I hate that little kid. Delia tries to act uninterested, but she's totally jealous. The teacher interrupts their nail polish discourse to ask if everyone's picked a hero for their project. Delia says that she has six favorites so far. The teacher tells her to try to narrow it down to one. The teacher's gray hair is totally sprayed on. What is wrong with the makeup and hair people at Everwood? Anyway, Bitchney says she's doing Mary-Kate and Ashley. Arnie is doing Jackie Chan, because "he broke every single bone in his body." Aw. And that reminds me of a funny joke I heard today. You're not allowed to say you already heard it, and you have to laugh. Ready?

Q: What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King?
A: Whop-PAH!

Hee. All of a sudden, Brittany speeyacks everywhere. Mmm, delicious! The teacher asks Delia to go get the nurse. Arnie looks on and comments, "Disgusting."

Cut to Amy, Laynie, and Bright at school. They're in the hall, talking, and Amy notices some guy at a locker. She asks Bright who it is. He doesn't know. Amy says that he's using Colin's locker, and the school promised that they wouldn't give it to anyone else. Laynie says she thought that was the case, but when Amy starts walking over to the guy, even Laynie has the good sense to call, "Amy, maybe you should just let it go." But does Amy let anything go? Of course not. She marches right up to the guy and asks if he's new. He is, and his name is Alan. Amy tells him that he must have gotten the wrong locker. Alan says that's the one they gave him. Amy insists that he does have the wrong one. Alan tries not to act creeped out, and asks her if she's joking. Or flirting, which is super-weird, but okay. Amy, who looks like hell and is being totally bitchy, says, "Do I LOOK like I'm flirting?" Bright walks over and tells Amy to leave the guy alone. Amy loses her shit and starts screaming at Alan that this locker is not his, and to go to the office and get it fixed. Chill the fuck OUT, Freak of the Week. Bright asks Amy if she's okay. She doesn't respond, and he says, "Hey! Look at me." Which is about the sweetest thing ever, and if Bright would fix his hair, I might love him. Amy says she's fine, but that "they promised." God. Shut up. Laynie says she's sure it was just a mix-up, and they go off to class.

Treat's Office. Brittany's dad explains that she's been having headaches, and he's worried that with the vomiting, it's something serious. Brittany bites her nails furiously. Treat says he isn't sure what the deal is, but he wants to run some tests. Brittany says she needs ice cream, like, bad. Treat offers to prescribe Ben & Jerry's for the pain. So she can grow up to self-medicate with food. Brittany's "mom" asks for more info on the headaches. Treat says if they give her anything stronger than Tylenol, she might not be able to function properly at school. Brittany says she HAS to be at school, because she has the best hero. Shut up, Brittany. Treat then suggests seeing Rinda to help Brittany with her headaches while they're waiting for the test results. Treat so wants to get laid.

Ugh. Brown House, with Madison Poppins just arriving. Ephram answers the door, and Madison says that maybe she should have her own key. Step off, Poppins. Also, she calls Ephram "Skippy," which just fuels my rage. Madison asks Delia what's up, and Delia pouts, "Nothing." Madison actually says the words "someone's got her grump on" with a straight face. She asks Delia if something happened at school. Delia says she's fine, and wants to know why everyone keeps asking her what's wrong. She leaves the room, and Madison asks Ephram if he knows what Delia's problem is. Ephram says if there's something wrong, Delia would tell him, and to go do her job. Madison says, "Ephram? Has anyone ever told you you have an old soul?" Ew, hate "old soul." Madison goes on to say that sometimes Ephram seems grown up, but then he starts acting like a shit and she remembers that he's just sixteen. And how old are YOU, Miss Can't-Stop-Talking-About-High-School? Ephram ignores her, as he should, and starts playing the piano. Commercial.

The doorbell rings, and Ephram opens the door to find Rinda standing there, with many grocery bags. They introduce themselves, and say some banter about sticking people with needles, until Treat walks up, grins, and says, "I told you he was the fun one!" Rinda gives Treat the bedroom eyes. They walk into the kitchen, and Rinda shows them what she brought: potato tempeh loaf, millet pilaf, and baked potato spinach wraps. I guess that's what all the TV vegetarians are eating up these days. Treat jokes, "Mmm. Who doesn't love a good millet?" Change that to "mullet," and I'm there. Business in the front, party in the back, y'all. Who can resist? Treat tells his kids that dinner's ready. We pan through a door to Delia, who's eavesdropping sulkily.

Dinner table. Oh, it's a trick! It's not the Browns, it's the Abbotts! Gah. Amy picks at her food and asks if she may be excused. Rose starts to say that she hasn't even touched her food, but Patch gives her a "Why start?" gesture, so she interrupts herself and tells Amy it's fine. Patch says he'd like more delicious yams, and Rose snarks, "Why don't you take Amy's? She didn't eat any of hers." Bright's all, "I'll take Amy's!" and Rose tells him to stop it. She says the point is that Amy didn't eat, again, and they need to take note of it. Patch says he's aware of it, and it's normal. Rose says none of it's normal, that it's been over five months, and Amy isn't any better. She thinks Amy should just try the antidepressants. Patch doesn't, again. He calls Dr. Lence "a public employee with a mail-order degree," then asks Rose where she got hers, "Ladies' Home Journal?" Ouch. Watch it, Patch, your curly little tail is showing. Patch rants some more about the dangers of drugs, and Rose says she doesn't care how much he knows, she's not letting him bully her into changing her opinion. Bright says maybe if the pills make Amy feel better, she should try them. Patch: "When did our home become the Valley of the Dolls?" Heh. Patch tells Bright to go to his room, so he and Rose can fight some more. Which they do. Rose says Dr. Lence might be right, that they've lost perspective as Amy's parents. Patch disagrees. Duh. Rose gets all sad here that Patch always makes the decisions for Amy without her, and that she's really "his" daughter. Patch looks guilty. Rose walks away.