Previously on Everwood: Amy is mad at Ephram for attempting to see Madison; Edna and Irv have marital troubles; and Treat goes for it with Krazy Anne Heche, even though Patch warns him not to.
We open in the high school parking lot. Ephram pulls his clunker into a space, spies Amy, and nearly knocks himself out jumping out of the car to run after her. Ephram's all, "Hey! I thought I was picking you up this morning!" Amy, who is wearing the cute green vest I wanted earlier in the season, replies coolly, "I never said that." Ephram says he must have just figured, and hands Amy the coffee -- "extra vanilla!" -- he's brought her. Oh, my sweet Ephram, ass-kissing does not look good on you. And we won't even begin to talk about your hair. Amy curtly thanks Ephram for the coffee. Ephram, still not getting it, asks her if he got his text message about hanging out later. Amy sighs and turns to face him. "Ephram, I know I told you I accepted your apology, and I told you that I didn't want to break up, but I'm just not ready for this. Like this coffee? This coffee is 'desperate' coffee, and it doesn't make up for the fact that you lied." Ephram says he was just…but is interrupted by one of Amy's friends squealing her thanks to Amy for not auditioning for the school play. Since Amy neglected to try out, Squealy got the lead. After she's gone, Ephram asks Amy if she wanted that part. Amy says she obviously didn't, since she didn't try out. She tells her "boyfriend" that she has to go, and hands the coffee back to him all, "I can't carry this." As she runs off, Ephram calls after her, "Okay, I'll just…see you whenever?" Credits.
We come back to the Abbott/Brown Office of Discord. Amanda wheels John out of Treat's examining room, while two Medical Strangers go on and on about John's improvement and how Treat's a genius (apparently, John can blink once for "yes," and twice for "no" these days). As Medical Stranger 1 talks about John's potential for progress in their program, which perhaps starts with a "p," Treat flashes back to his and Amanda's hot, hot love. Medical Stranger 2 says a line, and Treat flashes back again. Amanda asks MS1 how long her husband would be gone. He says that it really depends on the patient -- it could be as little as six weeks, or up to a year. Amanda echoes, "A year?" and looks to Treat for help. Treat, instead of answering, flashes back yet AGAIN to their passionate embrace. Amanda rolls her eyes at Treat, like, way to let everyone know you're in love right in front of your veggiefied husband, and says it's not really her choice anyway. She leans down towards John, and asks him if this is what he wants. John blinks, "Yes." Are we sure that blinking once doesn't actually mean, "I would like, please, to kick the ass of that smug, bearded, asshole doctor who is stealing you away from me"? Amanda tells Medical Strangers 1 and 2 that John's in. MS1 says they'll have John transported to their facility within the week. Amanda nods and says, "Okay, then." Treat looks guilty, crosses his arms, and agrees, "Okay."
Edna and Irv's. Edna zips out of the bathroom and is way too damn happy for this early in the morning. She cheerfully apologizes to Irv for using up most of the hot water, but hey, she likes to floss in the shower. Irv lies in bed, frowns, and tells her it doesn't matter. Edna babbles on obliviously. Irv answers in the one-word, monotone manner of the severely depressed. Edna finally sees that something's wrong and asks Irv if he's coming down with something. Irv says he's fine; he's just not ready to get up yet. Edna smiles and suggests that they have a nice quiet dinner that night, and says she's pretty sure she could make it worth his while. I'm pretty sure the only thing that would make it worth his while is if you served Effexor casserole with a side of Prozac, and Xanax sundaes for dessert, there, Edna. Irv asks Edna if she's going to be late for work. Edna, either not getting the hint or just ignoring it, says she could take ten minutes for some "quality time." Irv pulls away from her and says, "No, that's okay. You go ahead." She finally leaves so we can get some sleep around here.
High School. Amy and Hannah are in class, and Amy asks Hannah if she's still coming over for the Sex and the City marathon on TBS. Hannah sighs and says, "So, here's a question, and I don't mean to cuss, but what the HECK is going on?" Hee. Amy doesn't know what she's talking about. Hannah reminds Amy that they've hung out the last three weeks almost every day, and wants to know where that cute boyfriend of hers is. Amy says she sees plenty of Ephram -- in the morning, at lunch, and between classes. Hannah: "Sounds like real quality time." Amy says it's enough for now, and besides, Hannah needs her more than Ephram does right now anyway. Hannah tells Amy not to start with the Huntington's stuff. Amy starts. Hannah tells Amy to let it go, and quit avoiding the issue. Amy's all, "Issue? What issue?" Lord. What is her problem? Hannah tells her that she can either stay mad, or take more time to figure it out, but avoiding Ephram is ridiculous. Amen. Amy says she knows, but she doesn't care, she just wants to punch Ephram in the face. Hannah says you only want to punch the people you love in the face. Heh. I just thought about it, and that has been true for everyone I've ever loved.
Scooter's Office. Some bee-otch walks to the reception desk and complains that she's been waiting ten minutes for her appointment. Edna: "So? You wait longer than that to get your hair done." Bee-otch says she doesn't even know why they call them "appointments" when they're more like "approximations." Edna loses it, and tells the poor girl that she already told her Dr. Hartman would be out to lance her hemorrhage in a minute -- "so find a donut, sit on it, and approximate yourself out of my airspace!" Dimples McCutie walks in just then, and asks Edna if he can see her for a minute. When they get out of hearing distance, Scooter asks Edna how it's going. Edna says it's fine. Scooter: "Well, I figured, since you just broadcast Ms. Wilkins' ass-update across the lobby, you might be having a day. You wanna tell me what's up?" Edna says she appreciates the concern, but she's not real big on sharing. Scooter says he understands, but she'd be surprised how many people think he's great to talk to. Edna says she is not interested. Scooter stands up, and says, "You know, sometimes? A hug really breaks down the barriers of communication." Edna: "Don't even think about it!" Scooter, holding out his arms and approaching Edna, says he'll do it, and he'll keep doing it. Ha! Edna is like, "No, no, okay! It's Irv." Scooter listens while Edna tells him that Irv has been "a heap of funk" ever since she went back to work. "It's like waking up every morning to a banana slug." Ew. Scooter asks if she thinks Irv has serious depression. Edna says no, he's just bored out of his mind, especially since she rained all over his World Tour Retirement Plan. Scooter: "So help him find another reason to stay. What is he passionate about? You find what that is, and you bring it to Everwood." Edna is quiet, but she's thinking, "Hey, maybe this very cute goofball is on to something. Ooh, nice ass."
Abbott/Brown & Co. Amanda does that thing at Treat's door where you knock and open at the same time, so you're really not knocking at all. Treat asks if everything is okay. Amanda: "I think I should ask you that question; you look like crap." Heh. Man, every time I try to hate Amanda, she says something like that. Treat says he's fine -- "it's just a little heartburn, that's all." FORESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING! ALERT! He looks out the door, catches Patch totally trying to eavesdrop, and shuts it. Hard. Treat gets to the important stuff. "So, has John left yet?" Amanda confirms that he has, three days ago. Treat asks how she feels about it. Amanda says it does feel a little strange, as John hasn't been out of her sight in five years. Well, except for that one time when you were MAKING OUT WITH HIS DOCTOR, but that's neither here nor there, is it? There's an awkward silence, and Amanda says she just came to give Treat her contact information. She's going to Hawaii -- no better time than the present. Treat tells her that it's beautiful, and she'll love it. Amanda: "So I've heard. You wanna come?" Treat looks all freaked out until Amanda says she's kidding, uh, which she totally wasn't. She goes on to say that she knows "it" was a mistake, never should have happened, and she's sorry. Treat's like, "No, I AM SORRY." They both laugh nervously. Christ, I need a drink. Amanda tells Treat that they don't need to do this; they're better than this. Treat agrees. Amanda says she guesses this is goodbye. Treat: "I'll see you when you get back." Amanda: "Not really I mean why would you you're not John's doctor anymore." Get a grip, lady. Treat says that's true. Amanda leaves, Treat is sad, and we go to commercial.
Bright's workplace, yay! Ephram is in the break room with him. He asks Bright what he does all day. Bright points to some pamphlets on the wall. "See those? I filed 'em. And when the receipts come in from the printer? I file those too." Aw. Ephram says he senses a trend. Bright says he's glad for his 30-minute break, when he gets to talk to his co-workers about how their filing's going. Bright cuts himself an enormous slice of cake, and asks Ephram what his problem is. Ephram says he just can't get through to Amy, no matter what he does. Bright says that Ephram needs some "face time" with Amy, and that will solve the whole problem. Ephram laments that he can't even get an appointment with the girl. Bright has a plan, though -- Ephram will come over for dinner as Bright's guest, charm Amy and the parents, and she'll "be melting by Jell-O." Hee. Ephram says he can do that. Bright: "You missed me, didn't you?"
Cut to Edna and Irv's. Edna is dragging Irv downstairs while Irv grouses around about what the hell is going on. Edna tells him it's called a surprise, and to cool it. When they get downstairs, Edna tells her husband that she knows she threw a wrench in his retirement plan, and that he had his heart set on going to the ends of the earth to find the perfect place to write. "So…I brought the perfect place to write…to Everwood!" Edna throws open a door, and Irv is confronted with a beautiful tropical-themed office, all dark wood and palm trees. "What the devil?" he asks. Edna says it's not overlooking the Med, she knows, but she could whip up some hummus and pita bread. Irv wanders around the office, speechless, but in sort of a bad way. He asks Edna how she could afford all this. Edna says she dipped into her savings; that's what it's there for. Irv smiles, finally, and thanks Edna. Edna sits him down, and orders him to crank out that Great American Novel he's been storing up. She leaves the room with a big grin, and Irv opens his laptop a little too sadly.
Abbott House of Disastrous Dinners. Patch tells Rose that everything is wonderful. Bright agrees, and gives Ephram a meaningful look. Flash to Amy, who is absolutely seething with rage. Hee. Ephram offers stupidly, "Uh, excellent bird, Mrs. Abbott." Rose thanks Ephram, and adds that she would have made more if she'd known he were coming. Bright says that's his fault. Amy: "Kinda rude." Rose also thanks Ephram for bringing the delicious potato salad. Ephram says he knows Amy loves it, and asks her directly, "It's your favorite side dish, right?" Amy responds, "With SANDWICHES." The table goes silent. Awkward. Patch starts talking about the school play, and Rose says she needs to remember to get tickets for her parents. Amy tells her not to bother, because she's not in the play this year. Rose asks why not. Amy says she didn't audition, then looks pointedly at Ephram. "I got a little consumed." Ephram takes the bait, and says that Amy could probably still get a part, like "a swan or something." Oh, Ephram. Amy says it's not Swan Lake. Ephram says he thought all ballets had swans. Amy: "Probably because you're too busy seeing all the rock concerts out there." Bright channels us all by telling Amy to get over it already, that is was all his idea for Ephram to go see Madison play anyway. Patch is all, "Madison? You saw Madison?" Ephram echoes Bright, "Yeah, it was his idea." Amy brats, "That doesn't make it better, EPHRAM." Ephram: "Seriously?" Heeee. Amy says no, because that just tells her that it was a pre-meditated bad decision rather than a spontaneous one. Bright tells Amy to quit being such a chick, then they get into the traditional sibling "shut up; no, you shut up" fight. Ephram tells Amy he's trying to make an effort. Amy tells him to go make an effort with Madison, and flees the table. Patch calls, "There's certainly no reason for him to do that." Heh.
Abbott/Brown. Patch busts into Treat's office. "Did you know that Ephram went to see Madison a few weeks ago?" Treat says he did know, but she wasn't there. Patch begins to scream like a girl. "And did you know! That in a guilt-fueled confessional reverie! The boy! Told Amy! About said indiscretion!" Treat asks Patch what his damn point is. Patch wants to know why he wasn't informed about this development. Treat: "Because nothing happened. You want me to email every little thing that goes on in my family to you?" Patch: "YES!" Patch says that considering what Treat's dragged him into, he deserves every detail, especially as long as the well-being of his family is involved. Treat just sits at his desk and sifts through some papers. Patch presses, "Or of this practice, for that matter." Treat tells Patch not to go there. Patch goes there. "I saw Amanda Hayes in your office the other day. Were there problems with John's departure?" Ouch. Treat tells Patch that she gave him her contact information, because she's leaving town for a while. Patch wonders why in the world Treat would need that. Treat stands up, yells that this has nothing to do with Patch, and orders him the hell out of his office. Patch says it has everything to do with him -- sexual misconduct with a patient is unethical, and it reflects on him as well. Treat goes for a book on his bookshelf, and has to catch himself with his hand. Patch doesn't notice, and goes on about how Everwood will turn on him if they find out, blah blah blah, not to mention what they'll say about "her." Treat bellows, "Who the hell do you think you are?" He has to stop and cough loudly into a hanky. Who uses those? Treat continues, "I brought you into this practice as a favor, you arrogant…" Alas, Treat cannot go on, because right then he collapses to the floor. Dramatically. Patch rushes to Treat's side, sees blood on the hanky, and yells for Louise to call 911. Commercials. Refill, please.
When we come back, Treat is in the hospital and has been diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer. Patch stands to the side, concerned. The doctor tells Treat there was no cancer, and no clots, but if he's feeling overly stressed, he might want to consider making some lifestyle changes. Hmm. Think so? As the doctor is walking out, someone whose face is obscured by a giant bunch of balloons walks in. Scooter fights through the balloons and asks, "Is there a doctor in the house?" Hee. Patch says under his breath, "Oh Lord," and goes to use his cell phone. Scooter tells Treat that, when he saw him being wheeled out to the ambulance, his heart just about jumped into his throat. Treat tells him that's very sweet. Indeed. Scooter asks Treat if he can do anything, like get him a snack or walk his dog. Treat says he's currently dog-less. Scooter says that's too bad, as pets are proven to reduce stress. He adds, "Oh! And yoga." Treat's all, "Yoga?" Scooter repeats, "Yoga. Come on. Deep breath in? Now say it with me. Oooooooohmmmmm." Treat's like, "Oh no. God, no." Scooter persists. "Oooooooohmmmmm." Finally, Treat cannot resist his charms, and chants in unison with Scooter, "Oooooooohmmmmm." Scooter makes the universal symbol for "Okay!" and your recapper falls down. On the ground.
Edna and Irv's. Edna rushes in from work and gets Irv up to date on Treat. She says they can just run by for a quick visit, then asks Irv how his day at the "office" went. Irv says he didn't go in today, and won't be going tomorrow, either. Edna asks why not. Irv says he never worked in an office a day in his life, and he can't figure out how Edna thought he'd want to start now. Edna's like, "Well, why in the hell didn't you say so in the first place?" Irv says he was too shocked, mostly by how Edna just doesn't seem to get it. Edna tells him to take a long walk off a short cliff. "There's just no making you happy. You want to be miserable? Be miserable. I gave you that place because I wanted you to have something special. You don't want it? No skin off my backside." Irv counters, "I didn't ask for it! I didn't ask you for a damn thing except to go away with me, and you couldn't do that." Edna says she explained why. Irv says of course, Edna has everything she wants right there in Everwood, while he's just in a holding pattern. "And frankly, I don't know if it's worth it anymore." Edna responds, "Doesn't feel worth it to me." Sad reedy music plays, and I could not be less interested in this subplot. I know I should, because…don't nobody love Irv more than me, people. But it's just not happening.
Brown House. Ephram is on the phone with Treat, and says he'll be there when Delia gets home from school. He spies Amy out the window, and runs out to meet her. Amy recoils from Ephram like he's got Ebola. Ephram blurts, "My dad's in the hospital." Amy is concerned for a second, until Ephram tells her that Treat should be fine. She's like, "Oh, that's good. I should get to Hannah's." Bitch! Ephram asks if she wants to come over later. Amy says not really. Ephram, finally, finally says, "If it's going to be like this, you should probably just break up with me. I can't tell the difference." Amy says she knows. Ephram says it was just one mistake. Amy: "Your one mistake made me realize all of my mistakes." Ephram asks what she means. Amy says she gave up everything for their relationship; she wanted to join the paper, and government, and dance! Wah. Wah. Wah. Shut up, Amy. Ephram asks her why she didn't. Amy says she didn't think she'd have time to do all that and still maintain their relationship. "Do you really think we'd be where we are right now if both of us were trying to maintain the insane schedule that you keep?" Ephram says he doesn't understand. Amy informs him that one of them had to make a sacrifice, and that person was her. Amy. You may also call her Princess.
Ephram says he never asked her to do any of that. Amy says she knows; she did it all by herself, because she thought it would be worth it. Ephram, rightly, says that's not his fault, but she is taking it out on him as if this is something he asked her to do. Amy says some other bullshit things, and we find out that all she really wants is for Ephram to thank her for all her sacrifices. Well, and she also wants Ephram to know that if they don't work out, she has nothing, while Ephram has everything. Ephram: "I wouldn't have you." Aw. Amy looks away and says she has to go study. Ephram's all, "Great. You do that."
Treat's hospital room. He wakes up to Amanda staring him in the face. Seriously, hasn't she had enough of sick men? Treat smiles at her and asks, "Shouldn't you be lying on a beach somewhere?" Amanda says she'd probably still be on a plane, but she went by his office to drop off some CDs, and Louise filled her in on all the drama. Treat tells her she could probably catch the flight out. Amanda says it's funny how, for the first time in five years, she can leave town -- but now she doesn't want to! Somebody just kill me now, please. Treat says he hasn't been able to eat, or sleep, and now he's in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer. Amanda's like, "Oh, what, I did this to you?" Treat says no, but they made a mistake. "And every time I see you, all I want to do is make it again." GAG. Amanda says she just wanted to make sure he was okay. As she's walking out, she runs into Ephram, who's walking in. Nice.
Treat tells Ephram he didn't have to come all the way down to the hospital. Ephram says it's fine, and that Delia is with Nina. He then gives his father a look, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. "She's married, right?" Treat tries to explain, and Ephram's all, "No, no. None of my business." Treat says he's never been one for "do as I say, not as I do," but right now he just doesn't want to disappoint him. Ephram reminds him of the "no judgments" rule they have, and says Treat can't disappoint him. Treat asks Ephram why he's there, because no one wants to come to a hospital just to get out of the house. Ephram says he thinks it might be over with Amy, and he wishes something like this would happen. Treat: "Because…bleeding ulcers are so fun?" Heh. Ephram says that you can tell how people really feel about you when something like this happens; you realize what they mean to you, or you discover what they mean to you. Treat asks Ephram when he got so smart. Ephram replies, in the cutest way ever, "I'm a senior, Dad. It's time." Treat grins. Oh, Treat. Why do you have to be so dumb? Commercials.
Abbott House. Hannah walks in on Bright, who is in the kitchen reading the comics. Hannah remarks that he's been sitting there for two hours, and he either reads very slowly, or he really likes "Cathy." Hee. Bright can't believe she and Amy are still studying. Hannah gets sandwich fixin's out of the refrigerator and says they're not so much studying as analyzing, over-analyzing, and crying. Bright asks if they broke up. Hannah says not yet, but she thinks they might, which means the two of them need to do something. Bright: "Oh, yeah? Like what?" Hannah: "I don't know. Stop them?" Bright says that's a great plan, especially if it involves some sort of Mission: Impossible hanging-from-the-ceiling part. Hannah says she's still working on the details. Bright wants to know why Hannah cares so much anyway -- it would be easier if they just broke up, because then Ephram would be able to do stuff without having to ask his wife for permission all the time. Heh. I'm sorry! It's funny when Bright says it! Hannah says she just wants Amy to be happy, and the truth is, they kind of give her hope. "I mean, what they have is kind of what we all want, isn't it?" Bright says he likes going solo; it keeps the options open. Of course. Hannah says that surely he wants to find someone eventually. "Someone that makes you feel like you knew each other before you even met." Bright: "Like in a past life? I'm totally down with reincarnation." Lord, Lord. Hannah explains that she's talking about that person you click with, and when you're together, it's… She looks at Bright. Bright doesn't take the hint. "Like what?" Hannah sighs, goes back to making her sandwich, and finishes, "Like Amy and Ephram." Bright tells Hannah that she has made a damn good-looking sandwich, and asks for half. Hannah tells him to make his own, and heads back upstairs. Bright looks after her and grins a little bit. Yay!
Cut to Irv, who is sitting on a bench in his and Edna's front yard. Edna walks up and asks if they're finally going to make up. Irv gestures for her to sit to him. Edna continues, "Because, I'd rather do that upstairs." Irv responds, "I love you as much now as ever." Edna agrees that she does, too. Irv then drops this bombshell: "I think we need a break." Edna's smile starts to fade. Irv says they've been at each other for weeks, the rhythm's been off somehow, and he can't figure out how to put it back on track. "I don't want to wind up resenting you, Edna, and right now, I do." Sniff. Edna asks if this is a temporary thing. Irv just takes her hand. Okay, this isn't fair. I take it back! I was totally interested! But only if they don't break up.
Ephram's studio. Amy knocks and enters. Ephram jumps off his stool, and can we talk about his hair for a second? It sucks. CUT IT EPHRAM OR OUR ROMANCE ENDS!!!! ["I'm saying. I've been saying." -- Sars] Ephram asks Amy if they're going to break up now. Amy says she actually came by to apologize. Ephram can't believe it. Amy tells him that he was right -- she did all that stuff by herself, and now she has to undo it by herself. Ephram's like, "Good. What now?" Amy says she needs to have more of her life back, but it's going to change things. Ephram asks what it would change. Amy says it would minimize their time together, for starters, and unless he can find more time in his schedule, it won't work. Ephram says he can do that; he'll do whatever it takes, because he doesn't want to lose her. Amy says she, neither, but that she should go study. Ephram: "You could study here…or, I could study wherever…you want?" Aw.
Brown House. Amanda rings the doorbell, and Treat answers the door with, "I only know one other person as persistent as you." Amanda and Amanda's hair, which has evidently been in a wind tunnel for the past eighteen hours, say that they're not there to apologize. She walks in and tells Treat that they have a situation, one that could use a little more honesty and a little less bleeding ulcer. Treat asks her what she wants to know. Amanda: "What have you got?" Treat says that he's become "very fond" of a married woman, and it's bad enough that she's married, but her husband was a stroke victim, and his patient. Amanda asks what it would be like if John weren't sick at all, then what? Treat says it would still be wrong. Amanda: "But it wouldn't be so shocking, would it? Affairs happen; marriages end; people fall out of love." Treat: "Not this way. It wouldn't be a fair fight." Amanda says nothing about her life is fair. Treat sits Amanda down, and confesses that he's been on the other end of this, and he just doesn't want to be That Guy. "I hate That Guy." Amanda says that, in theory, she does too. "Only problem is, in practice? I'm falling in love with the other guy." GOD. QUIT IT. Amanda asks Treat how he feels about her if you take that all away, and if he doesn't feel anything, she'll go. "If you do…do you?" Treat: "Yes. I do." Fade to GAAAAAAHHH.