Fade up on a New York building. Irv tells us, "Dreams are a world turned upside down -- gravity, logic, time rendered meaningless. The world of dreams is not our world, although in the dead of night it tempts and deceives, daring us to know the difference. This is what makes dreams so dangerous." A beardless Treat walks into a restaurant and heads to his "usual table." Delia, Ephram, and Sue Ellen Mishkie are all there, laughing it up. They look over at Treat, and he wakes up.
Treat gets up and finds Ephram burning CDs for his "Summer of Freedom Mix 2004." Allison, in whose house I am recapping, and who is very mad about it, and who is sitting to me, would like to say that the people of Everwood are ripping off her Summer of Fun idea, and they will not be receiving any prizes for this. Treat tells Ephram he had a weird dream. Ephram says when he used to have bad dreams, Sue Ellen would fix him an ice cream sundae. Treat says he doesn't remember that. Ephram gives his dad a look. Treat: "I know. Go figure." Treat says he's going to try to go back to bed. Ephram stops his dad, and tells him, "Hey, Dad? They're just dreams. That's what Mom used to say." Sigh. Do these dreams go on when he closes his eyes? Treat goes back to bed. Ephram goes back to burning. Credits.
Dinner at the Abbott House. Patch walks in with a grocery bag, and launches into a story about Moisha Rodriguez, who created a bagel empire from nothing, because he had a dream. Bright tells Amy to quit hogging the potatoes. Patch's family does not care about Moisha's dream. Patch doesn't care that they don't care; he keeps on talking about bagels and empires. Rose asks him what this is all about. Patch says, "Do you know far I had to drive to get this particular bagel? Fifty-two miles." Amy tells her dad that they can get frozen bagels at the grocery store. Patch tells Amy that that is the point, and makes her taste the bagel. She's all, "Eh. Good." Patch is all, "See? SEE?! You can't get quality like that in the frozen foods section!" He then continues, "Of course, mine will be better." Patch tells his family that he has just purchased an old donut shop in downtown Everwood, which he is going to turn into the best bagel shop EVER. Rose's head explodes. Bright grabs a bagel from his dad and tells him it's a bold move, and he likes it. Rose grows another head, only to have this one explode as well. She asks Patch what the hell gave him the idea he could run a successful bagel shop. Patch says he's done much careful research, and it's going to be AWESOME. Bright says bagels look so much like donuts that half the people in Everwood won't even know the difference. Patch tells Rose he would think she'd support him more, since opening a bagel shop has always been his dream. Rose: "Since WHEN?" Patch says the bagels are going to help him become a multimillionaire before the age of sixty. Patch runs into the kitchen, yelling, "You'll see! We have any cream cheese?" Bright says, "Dad has gone mad-crazy, dude. I like it." Amy giggles and agrees. Rose sits down, with no head.
Cut to Ephram, practicing piano. The doorbell rings. It's Amy Abbott, who greets Ephram with, "So my dad's opening a bagel shop. And I don't think you should go to New York." Allison would like to say that if Amy Abbott came to her house and said, "I don't think you should go to New York," she would reply, "Go where?" and it would never be spoken of again. Amy tries to make the connection between bagels and going to New York, and asks Ephram if he understands. Ephram: "No." Amy says her dad is doing this crazy thing because he's got nothing to lose at this point, and she's thinking that maybe it's the same thing with them. Amy's shirt is super-cute. Ephram still does not understand what is going on, because no one does. Amy is rambling about being crazy and taking chances and that the summer would be the perfect time for their beautiful romance to blossom without worrying about the pressure of school, and the point is, she doesn't want him to go to New York. Ephram says that sounds like a perfect plan, except for Juilliard. Amy says Treat's a millionaire, and he won't be upset if he loses the money he's paid for Juilliard. First of all, that is RIDICULOUS. Secondly, what do you know about Treat's money, Amy Abbott? She says she knows this is crazy; Ephram asks her why she's doing it, then. Amy says that things are really "coming to a head" -- heh heh -- right now, and there's all this energy surrounding them, and eight weeks is such a really, really long time! In the high-school-girl to normal-adult ratio, eight weeks is, like, sixty billion YEARS. Ephram says he gets it, but it's not enough. Allison would like to say that it would be enough for her. Amy gives Ephram the Manson Lamps of Sadness, as he explains how important it is for him to go to New York. He says he can show her brochures about how awesome this program is, and it's going to make him a one-thousand-percent better pianist. Amy says she was just being stupid, and can't believe she asked. Aw. She says if he ever wants to show her the brochures, she's around. She walks out. Ephram calls after her, but she's taken off. Allison would like to say that in Ephram's mind, he's thinking, "This is why I was banging a college girl."
Treat's Office. Treat asks the moose head on his wall why his coffee isn't ready. He turns around, and there stands Bucky. Treat is surprised, but asks her how she is, and says he was just berating his moose. Madison says she's good, but was just checking on them. She says she misses "them," and Treat grins. He tells her that Delia's doing great, and excited about camp, now that the perfect bathing suits have been bought. Also, that she has taught the new babysitter all about the fine art of Beefaroni molding. Hee. Madison is very happy that Delia is doing well. Treat tells Madison that, of course, no one can replace the babysitter that slept with his other child. Treat tells Madison about Ephram and his summer program. Madison is excited for him, and not even in the bad way. She tells Treat that she's sorry she barged in, but just wanted to see if everyone was okay. Treat gives her a look, and asks her if she's sure everything is all right. Madison hesitates for a minute, then admits that she might need Treat's help. Treat asks what's wrong. Madison says she's late. Treat asks, "Is that unusual for you?" Madison says it is. She says she took a home test. Treat asks what it said. Madison's look gives him his answer. She says she wanted to make sure, so she came to him, and if that was wrong, she's sorry. Treat does not grin here. Madison says she wants to tell Ephram. Treat says he thought they were doing it, but wasn't sure. Well, you know now, Treat. He says he'd hoped they were being careful. Madison: "We were." Treat says he has pregnancy tests at the office, and they can find out in a few minutes, but first he needs to know something from her. Madison: "There was no one else." Treat nods. Commercials.
We come back to Abbott's Bagel Shoppe. One of Patch's former patients is dressed in a bagel costume. It's funny. He tells Patch that his sign is spelled wrong. Patch says it's supposed to be that way, and just to be ready to hand out samples. Patch is wearing a giant floppy chef's hat, and it is a beautiful thing. Bagel Man says he doesn't know what kind of bagel he's supposed to be. Patch tells him he's garlic, and to get the hell out. Patch admonishes Louise for forgetting caraway on the everything bagels. Allison would like to know how they opened this bagel shop(pe) in one day. Oh! There's a bagel clock! Excellent. Patch says it's time to open, and establish their franchise. He opens the door to the small crowd waiting outside. The first customers come in as Patch informs them that their bagels were prepared by trained medical professionals. Hee. Old Mr. Jensen is his first custom
er. Patch tells him that he has the honor of taking the first bite of an empire. Jensen orders a dozen glazed. Patch tells Jensen that they don't have glazed. Jensen: "Chocolate-covered?" Patch says they don't have donuts, only bagels. Jensen asks if they have any jelly-filled. Patch sighs, rolls his eyes, and realizes what a huge mistake he's made.Treat's office. Feisty Nurse Edna comes in to tell him that the grass-pollen count is very high that day, and to expect a crowd after lunch. Treat thanks her sadly. Edna offers to handle it if Treat's not up to it, or to make him a "booster cuppa joe." Aw, I love you, Edna. Treat says he had a patient this morning who got some news she didn't want. Edna says it never gets easier to see that bomb drop. Treat says she's coming in the day to talk about her options. Edna asks, "That it?" Treat says yes. Edna: "You sure?" Treat admits that it was Madison. Edna asks how she is. Treat: "Well, other than being pregnant, she's fine." Edna asks if Ephram knows. Treat says not yet, and that this morning his biggest problem was whether to take his old hair products to New York, or buy new ones there. Well, Ephram, let's talk about why you shouldn't be sticking things where they don't belong. Treat tells Edna how excited Ephram is about going, and if he finds this news out, it will all be over. He says Ephram has had enough lessons in consequences. This is kind of true. Edna tells Treat that Ephram is an incredible kid, and will be able to handle it. Treat says the point is that he's just a kid, and if anyone is to blame, it is his own self. "I'm the parent who should have known better; I'm the one who should have put a stop to this. What the hell was I thinking?"
Ephram and Bright shop together downtown. Just like the girlfriends, they are. Bright tells Ephram that being on an airplane is just like being in your room, except you're moving through space. What does that even MEAN? Ephram wonders how something so beautiful can be so stupid. Ephram gives Bright a CD, and tells him to give it to Amy. Bright tosses the CD back, and tells Ephram to give it to her himself; he ain't no messenger boy. Ephram says they're totally cool, that Amy came over the night before, and everything's fine. Bright: "Uh huh." And we wonder, who's the dumb one now? Ephram tells Bright that Amy asked him to stay in Everwood, and it was nuts, right? Bright wants to know what's nuts about that. THESE nuts. Ephram says he can't give up Juilliard just because of something that might happen with Amy. Bright says, "Even if she's your soulmate for life?" Oh, Bright. We all know that you're Ephram's soulmate for life. Ephram says it's not just playing piano. Bright says, "Blah blah blah you already told me and I already forgot, that's how boring it was." He then says he can't believe Ephram is about to make another huge mistake. Ephram can't believe that Bright thinks he should stay. Why is Ephram the only person making sense in this episode? Bright says he would stay for his soulmate. Ephram's like, "What is WRONG with you? Stop saying 'soulmate,' weirdo." Bright insists that Ephram is making a mistake. Ephram says if he does stay, and it doesn't work out, he's blown his entire opportunity for nothing. Exactly. Bright says, "But what if it does work out? What if you are a good couple?" Ephram says there's no way to know that, and he's exasperated because everybody is being so dumb, and Bright is confusing him. Bright: "Am I? Or am I enlightening you?" Well, you aren't, but we wish you were. Because you are hot.
Treat sits stoically at home, waiting for Ephram. When he comes in, Treat asks him if he's got a minute. Ephram asks if it can wait. Treat says it kind of can't. Before Treat can say anything, Ephram spills all to his dad about his dilemma with Amy. Ephram gets up to go, but Treat asks him to tell what's going on. Ephram says he just can't make a decision, and this is the first time in his life that he wishes Treat would just make the decision for him. Allison would like to say that if Ephram does not go to Juilliard, she will never watch this show again. Ephram tells Treat to over-parent and micromanage, because whatever decision he himself makes will be the wrong one, so he wants Treat to decide for him. Treat tells Ephram, "Well, you know what's best for you. You taught me that, right? Yelling it at me. I'm sure you'll figure it out." Ephram asks at what age it stops being socially acceptable to hide under your bed. Treat: "Forty-eight, maybe?" Ephram tells his dad he knows where to find him. Before he walks out, Ephram says, "Wait, didn't you want to talk about something?" Treat thinks about this for a second, as the eighteen years of his life flash before his eyes, and responds, "Nothing you need to worry about." Whoa, dude. Intense, man. Commercials.
Back at the bagel shoppe, Louise tells Patch that they have fourteen hundred bagels -- "fourteen hundred delicious bagel treats!" -- left over, but she's sure they will catch on like wildfire soon enough. Rose walks in the shoppe and greets her husband good morning. Patch says there ain't nothing good about it, and she knows as well as he that this whole operation was nothing more than an "epic poem of lunacy." Rose says nothing, and tries not to laugh. Patch says Rose knew all along that all he ever wanted to do was help the sick and stupid and make them better again. "You knew that I would fail and yet you allowed me to pursue this quixotic dream. WHY, ROSE?" Rose calmly opens her purse and orders a bagel to go. She pays Louise, thanks her, then kisses Patch and tells him she loves him. Patch is stunned at this display of marital fidelity. Rose is too awesome for words.
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Cut to Treat's office. Madison arrives to meet him. Treat tells her she looks tired. Madison says she hasn't slept since she saw him. Treat hasn't, either. He asks her if she has thought about what she wants to do. Madison says she's thought of nothing else, but hasn't made a decision. Treat says she has time to figure it out, and they can go over all the options together sometime in the future. He promises to help her, whatever she decides. Madison nods slowly, and says she thinks she needs to talk to Ephram first. She asks Treat what he said. Treat admits he hasn't told Ephram yet. Madison wants to know why not. Treat says he hasn't told Ephram, and he doesn't plan to. Madison can't believe it. Treat: "I don't want him to know that you are pregnant." Madison wrongly says that Ephram deserves to know. Treat gets real serious here, and says it doesn't matter. He goes on to say, "I'm gonna tell you something, and you may not understand it, but that's fine. You don't have to. Just listen." Madison gives Treat her "shocked" face.
Treat says Ephram lost enough of his childhood when his mother died. "But I got lucky. He got lucky. He somehow managed to salvage that innocence." Treat thinks that if Ephram hears this news, all that innocence will be gone, and it will be the end of a childhood that isn't finished yet. Oh, Treat, you're making us swoon a little bit over here. Treat tells Madison, "Don't do this to him. Please." Madison doesn't know what to say. She shakes her head and starts to cry. Treat tells her that whatever she chooses to do -- if she wants to have an abortion, or keep the baby -- he will support her. He tells her that he'll give her whatever she wants, for as long as she wants it, but Ephram is not to know. Madison tells Treat that she thinks this is a big mistake. Treat: "Fine. Let it be my mistake." Madison asks how she can do that. Treat tells her, "You go." He doesn't add, "You get the fuck out of my family, child-molesting skank." But he should. Allison would like to say here that Treat is right, and Madison is wrong, and if you have a problem with that, you know where you can stick it. But not where Ephram did.
Amy claws her way through the woods, asking Ephram where the hell she's going. Ephram has set up a picnic in a clearing, and tells Amy he got them tuna sandwiches. That is the sweetest tuna I have ever seen. Amy asks if this is supposed to be a sexy picnic. Ephram says he's not sure yet. They sit down with their sweet-ass sandwiches. Amy tells Ephram he looks nervous, and asks why. Ephram says he knows they've been down this road before many times, and it's crazy that nothing has ever actually happened on the road -- that something always messes them up, and lately that something has been him. Amy looks beautiful and listens. Ephram says he can't stop thinking about what she said about him staying and them taking another shot. He says he knows it would be the way he always thought it would be, which is perfect. I am trying to be strong here, but it's hard to type when you're in a diabetic coma. Ephram says he never worried about what would happen when they got together, it was just the getting there that sucked. Amy agrees that timing is not their strong suit. Ephram tells Amy that now he knows she's the one he wants to be with, no question. Amy asks if he's staying. Ephram: "No." He says he has to go to New York, for himself, for everything, for who he's going to be when he's through with school. Amy says she doesn't understand. Allison says, "WHY DOESN'T SHE UNDERSTAND?!?" Ephram says he could be the guy who was all about the girl, screw New York, but he already is that guy. What he's asking is that Amy wait for him. You know, for those eight endless weeks. Amy's answer is revealed to Ephram when she begins to French him. Aw.
Bagel Shoppe. Patch is sweeping the floor when Treat walks in and says, "And I thought Madonna was good at reinventing herself." Allison says, "Is it me, or does Patch have a nice ass?" No, Allison, it is not you. Patch says he's in no mood for Treat's generic, witless brand of humor this evening. Treat quips, "Down on your lox?" Patch rolls his eyes out of his head. Treat asks if he should go. Patch says this day would hardly qualify as the worst of his life without a visit from Treat. Treat: "Does this mean that you forgive me?" Heh. Patch says he's far too exhausted to hate Treat any longer, and what is the point of hating someone else, when hating himself is so richly deserved? Treat basically tells Patch that he's a big fat dumbass for opening a bagel shop. Patch tells Treat to go ahead and laugh it up; Treat has emerged victorious, the last man standing. Treat tells Patch not to give himself so much credit, and that he misses having Patch across the street, and eating lunch with him, and making sweet love in the waiting room. Treat says that mostly, he misses watching Patch screw up his life as much as he does, because when Patch does it, it's much funnier. Aaaaand...this is how men tell each other that they love one another. Patch says that, judging by his poofy hat, they've finally gotten to the day where even Treat -- in his supreme idiocy -- cannot compete. Treat: "You don't know the half of it." Patch asks, "You okay, Doctor?"
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Treat asks Patch if he has any experience with deciphering dreams. Patch says that he would first have to get past the fact that dreams are nothing but psychological refuse, but he'll give it a try. Treat tells Patch about his dream with his wife and the kids, and it's set in New York, only in the present, as though he had never left. He tells Patch about the restaurant they used to go to on Friday nights, provided he could get off work on time. He arrives at the restaurant, and takes off his coat, says hello to the hostess, looks, and Julia's there with Ephram and Delia. He just watches them, and he feels so happy again. Patch asks Treat what he thinks it means. Treat: "I think it means that life knocked me on my ass three years ago, and I haven't gotten up since. I think it means that no matter how hard I try to make sense of Julia's death, the tragedy of losing her will always eclipse whatever good comes to me." Treat makes people cry, and it's not fair. Patch says, "Andy." Treat says it's true, and he would take that life back in a heartbeat. Patch says that Treat doesn't know what that life would be. Treat says he knows it would be a hell of a lot better than what he's got right now. Patch: "For a family you never saw? For patients you never really cared about?" Treat: "For everyone." Patch tries his damnedest not to have feelings for Treat, but he can't help himself. He tells Treat that he's just spent a quarter of his savings on the worst investment this side of EuroDisney, so to take what he's about to say with the proper grain of salt: "Dreams aren't meant to be understood any more than tragedy can be averted. Life happens to us. We learn to be grateful when things are good, and to count our blessings when things are bad. And the only certainty in all of it is that it all just keeps happening." Ain't that the truth. Treat grins at his new best friend. He gets up and says he almost the forgot the reason he came there. He gives Patch the number of his insurance agent. Patch says nice try, but that company already turned him down. Treat says that as of that morning, they agreed to insure him as a partner in a practice in good standing. Patch can't believe it. "With my patient load and your ego, we would need an airport for an office." Treat tells Patch that the offer is good from now until he says yes. "And I hope you will. Look at us, Harold. Could it possibly get any worse?" Yay! Commercials.
We come back to the bus station. Treat insists that he can drive Ephram to the airport. Ephram says it's fine. Treat offers again. Bright admonishes Treat, "Let him go, man." Bright hands something to Ephram. It's a new fake ID. As it should be. Bright tells Ephram to have lots of fun, see lots of bands, drink too much, and touch no women. Ephram says he never thought he'd hear those words come out of Bright's mouth. Nor did I. Bright says, "Only you, dude." Ephram: "You know, you're the only guy who can call me 'dude' without a hint of irony?" Yes, and it's because Bright can do no wrong. Dude. Ephram goes to shake Bright's hand. Bright: "What's this?" Ephram: "I'm leaving; it's appropriate." They grab hands, and then asses. Ephram heads over to say goodbye to Delia. Delia is mad that Ephram is leaving her. Ephram tells Delia to give him her arm. He writes his cell phone number on it in permanent marker. Delia: "I already knew the number." Aw. They hug. I cry. Allison pretends not to. Treat asks Ephram if he's ready. Ephram says he is. Treat tells his son to have a good time, and be careful. Ephram says he's going to be holed up in Lincoln Center playing piano until he gets carpal tunnel. Treat says Ephram's growing up, and it's not fair. He says Ephram keeps changing, and Treat just stays the same. Ephram tells his dad that he's changed some; he didn't tell him what to do the other day when he asked, which is surely a sign of the apocalypse. Treat tells Ephram that it may not seem like it, but he does want to do the right thing for him. Aw. Ephram: "Eh, well. You hit occasionally." They hug bye. After Ephram gets on the bus, Treat wistfully watches it drive away. Delia asks Bright what he's doing now. Bright says nothing. Delia: "You want to go see a movie?" Bright: "Sure." Hee.
Cut to Treat's office. Patch has brought him a bag full of bagels. He says it's the last batch from the authentic Abbott Bagel Shoppe. Patch actually pronounces it "shoppee." Treat says they're quite good. Patch says he was quite a good doctor, too, none of which is relevant. Treat tells him he's not quite through yet. Patch looks around, and says that if he came on board this strange and very brown ship, there would have to be some changes -- he would need his own examining room and office; an equal partnership; and they would have to charge. Treat agrees with the first two things, and says they could discuss the third. Heh. Patch says, "Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?" Treat offers Patch a bagel in reply. Patch tells Treat he'll see him tomorrow. Treat calls after him, "Bright and early. Partner." Aw, yeah.
Ephram boards the plane. As he gets to his row, there sits Amy Abbott, complaining about the peanuts. Ephram cannot speak. Amy takes his bag. Ephram says, "You weren't at the bus stop." Amy says she was going to go, so as not to arouse Bright's suspicions, but then she remembered it was Bright. Heh. Amy explains that she got her mom to drive her to the airport, and that her dad helped her out with the trip money in exchange for six car washes and a good grade in summer school. She says that her summer school starts in two weeks, and Ephram's program doesn't start for another week and a half, so they can spend lots and lots of quality time together in New York. She says she just couldn't wait, because she's not the waiting type. Ephram: "So you're coming to New York with me?" Amy: "Ten days. Apparently Nonnie has a great guest room." Ephram can't believe it. He leans in to kiss Amy, and grins a grin worthy of his father.
Cut to Treat's dream. He walks over to the table in the dream this time, and sits down. His entire family is mad at him for being late and not knowing about Ephram getting into the dream-Juilliard. Ephram gets up angrily, and says he's going to hail a cab. Sue Ellen tells Ephram to hold the cab for her, too. After his children are gone, Treat asks Sue Ellen if he can at least order a drink before she tears into him. Sue Ellen says she's not going to, not tonight. Treat says he just didn't remember. Sue Ellen says it doesn't matter. She gets up from the table, and says, "You know, Andy, don't feel sorry about forgetting. Feel sorry for yourself. There's a whole world happening, and you're just asleep." Then she deals the final blow: "Sometimes it scares me so much to think what it would take to wake you up." A strummy sad song plays as Sue Ellen leaves her husband alone. She and the children get into the cab. Through the rain and the window of the restaurant, Treat sits by himself and downs his drink, trying not to think about his shitty life. Sadness reigns, and we fade to black.
And that's it, fabulous readers. Thanks for a great second season, and -- sing it with me, because I know you know the words -- DAMN YOU, BERLANTI.
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