We open at a drive-in movie theater. Do they still have those? I have to giggle when we get a shot of Ephram's old nasty car from the front. Suddenly, we're inside, where Ephram and Amy are macking down. So they still do that at drive-ins. Amy thinks (out loud, in a voice-over) to herself, "My foot is falling asleep. Oh, damn, I shouldn't have moved it." Now Ephram: "Go to the ear. The EAR." Hee. Going to the ear proves a miserable failure, and the make-out session stops. Amy says she needs some air, and goes for popcorn. Amy and Ephram voice-over some more to the effect that they're both at fault for the unsuccessful making out. When Amy gets back with the popcorn, she blurts, "I think Brian and Terri are having sex in her parents' car." She and Ephram discuss this, and decide that the other couple are probably not having actual sex. Then, each thinking to themselves: "They're totally having sex. Wait, why aren't we having sex? Did I miss something? Are WE supposed to be having sex? WE'RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE SEX!" And, credits.
Treat is leaning against the back of his car, waiting for Delia outside her school. He looks over and sees very pretty Anne Heche, in a very cute outfit and a very cute headband (and by the way, where's my birthday present, Berlanti?), leaning against her own car, waiting for Charlie. Amanda catches Treat looking, and gives him a flirty little smile. Treat walks over and asks, "Why is it our two children are always the last ones out of the building?" Amanda: "Probably because Charlie likes to make out by the coat racks after the other kids are gone." Just as Treat is telling Amanda how much he enjoys her sassy ways, nosy Brenda Baxworth pops around the other side of the car. She sarcastically inquires as to how John's doing while Amanda hangs around outside elementary schools romancing Treat. Amanda answers back that John manages not to burn down the house during the five minutes she's gone. Brenda says she'll pray for Amanda. Amanda: "My bet's on science these days, but thanks all the same." Good for you, Amanda. Shut up, Baxworth. Delia and Charlie walk out -- aw! -- holding hands. Amanda tells Charlie to say goodbye to his girlfriend, and tells Treat she'll see him tomorrow at 2:00. For what? I have a feeling we'll sure find out.
Diner. Dimples McGee is gushing over the diner's Thanksgiving menu, saying it's like a horn o' plenty right there in Everwood. He asks Nina if she has any idea what kind of winter wonderland she's living in. Nina tells him that ice skating would really knock his socks off, then. Scooter completely dimples out at this, so excited I fear he might burst one of them. And then he tells Nina he can't go. Nina says she understands that he probably has a date or something. Scooter says he feels weird talking to Nina about his love life. Nina says he shouldn't; he can talk to her about it...or not. Awkward. Scooter bolts out of there. Nina sighs to herself. Wah.
Abbott House. While Amy and Rose clean up after dinner, Patch shows Hannah the floor plan of the cabin they're thinking of selling: "And this is where Amy used to build her pillow forts!" Hee. Hannah pretends to be interested. Just as Patch is telling Hannah about Bright's love for Miss Piggy (ha!), Amy interrupts and says she needs to talk to Hannah upstairs, stat. Patch is all, "But what about the movie we were all going to watch?" Amy says it can wait, because we all know she needs to find out if Hannah thinks Ephram wants to have sex with Amy.
Upstairs, Amy bitches about her dad's nostalgia. Hannah asks how Amy's date with Ephram went. Amy hems and haws, and then finally says that they played "How long can we kiss before it becomes so unbearable that I'd actually rather watch someone get eaten by a giant centipede?" Hannah: "Is that a game?" Amy says no, it's her sad, sad life, and she doesn't know what to do about their relationship stagnating, when she wants to go to the level. Hannah suggests that maybe Ephram is trying to show Amy how much he respects her. Amy: "That's horrifying." Heh. They finally decide that Amy just needs to talk to Ephram about it, because it always works out so well for Amy when she brings up touchy subjects with her boyfriend. Hannah says they should go watch the movie with Amy's parents, which would be so dorky if it weren't Patch and Rose, and if I didn't suspect that Hannah just wants to get a good look at Bright when he walks in the door.
Amy and Ephram are eating lunch in the high-school caf. Amy minces no words, busting out, "So why haven't you tried to have sex with me yet?" Ephram's like, "Who, me?" Heh. Ephram tells Amy that she hasn't really given him a good indication that she wanted him to try to have sex with her yet. Amy asks just how she's supposed to do that. Ephram: "Maybe by not flinching every time my hand grazes your belt buckle?" Amy insists that she doesn't flinch. Ephram says she does. Amy says it's just a reflex: "time it happens, just press on!" Ephram's like, "Fine, I will." Amy, who can't let it end there, says that there must be something else, like that Ephram just doesn't want to. Ephram says of course he wants to, and if she would just shut up and let him talk for a second, he could explain that he wants their first time to be super-special and perfect, like a trip to Paris or something. Amy says that's an aneurysm waiting to happen, and that she doesn't need candles, or Paris, or whatever; it just has to be Ephram. Then: "I say we do it in the car." Hee. Amy gets the bright idea that they should do it at her parents' cabin on the lake. Ephram agrees that this sounds great, and that they'll meet there at eight, for a sexy sex-sex date. Amy: "Great! You bring the condoms, and I'll see if I can score some of my mom's fried chicken for after."
Brown House. Treat marvels to Ephram that there's a goat living in a neighbor's yard, and that it's been there for three days. Ephram says maybe they could go set up some chairs, and bring a cooler. Treat: "Really? You'd be into that?" Ephram: "No." Treat looks sincerely disappointed. Ephram asks his dad if he could maybe stay out that night. Treat's like, "Overnight? With Amy?" Ephram nods the tiniest nod of affirmation ever, and says they'll be in the mountains. Treat asks if it's like a camping thing. Ephram nearly rolls his eyes out of his head, and replies, "Sure, Dad." Treat finally gets it, and wants to know if Ephram will go anyway even if Treat says no. Ephram says he was hoping he'd get some extra points since he asked. Treat: "You do. You can go." Wow, that was easy. Treat reminds his son to be safe. Ephram says he knows, and runs into Amanda on his way out the door. Amanda tells Ephram that he's taller than she pictured. Oh, they always look smaller on TV, Amanda. Ephram nods confusedly and leaves.
Treat tells Amanda that she just missed something horrifying, and that he hasn't breathed in two minutes. Amanda advises that he take a breath and caffeinate himself. Treat takes a sip of his coffee, thanks her, and asks what's up. Amanda pulls a pen out of her pocket, and then a notepad, and tells Treat that he left these items over at her house. Oh, so lame. So, so lame, Amanda. And this is coming from a girl who called her husband after their first date to remind him that he'd left three quarters on her entry table, and might want to come pick them up. Treat asks her what else she's got in them pockets. Amanda: "Six doves. I was going to release them when I left." Hee. Points for that. Amanda says that's not all: she and Charlie were thinking they could have a playdate with Treat and Delia, and since Charlie is too shy, she's doing the asking: "Do you like children's restaurants with archaic games and inflated balls?" Treat says that as a matter of fact, it's been too long. They awkwardly decide that they'll go tonight, since Amanda has a babysitter for her husband, and meet there. They do not, however, decide where "there" is, but I'm sure it will all work itself out in the end.
Meanwhile, over at the Abbott house, Amy and Hannah
are perusing a book called Guide to Getting It On!. ["That cover was so cheap-looking that I thought for sure it was a fake they dummied up for the show, until I saw it at the bookstore on the weekend." -- Wing Chun] Hannah is horrified. Amy says that this one part is really interesting, about how men and women are made to feel inadequate about their bodies. Hannah, still horrified, says that they should have just named that chapter after her. Amy says she wants to get to the good stuff, like where to put your hands, and how not to flinch when your boyfriend touches you. Hee. Hannah questions this flinching business, and Amy says that it's no big deal. Hannah says that flinching is a reflex, and that reflexes are your body's way of protecting you. Amy: "Yeah, from like...FIRE." Hannah's like, "Oookay." Amy says she's really sure that she really does want to do this, and that's why she got the book -- to help her through the hard part. Heh. "Hard." Hannah still isn't sure. Amy then gets real condescend-y, all, "You'll see when you meet the guy of your dreams, little one." Hannah says maybe, but that she's not having sex until she's married, so it doesn't matter. Amy can't believe it; she asks Hannah if it's a religious thing. Hannah says it is, partly, but that it also has to do with the idea that there will only be that one special person for her, and that it makes it much easier, because the decision's already made. Amy's like, "Huh." Hannah assures Amy that she and Ephram are totally different, and that Hannah's so excited for Amy. They hug and giggle and, much to the chagrin of people nationwide, decline to make out.Cut to Delia and Brittany. Brittany is taking Polaroids of Delia, and Delia wants to know what all these pictures are for: "I'm standing right in front of you!" Brittany duhs that this is the way all the famous people pick out their outfits, and Delia definitely can't wear a skirt because of all her leg bruises. Treat walks in and asks if Delia's ready. Brittany tells Treat that he's wearing a very nice shirt. Treat decides to go change it. Hee.
Cabin. All this scene consists of is Ephram walking around looking at old pictures of the Abbott children when they were little, while plinky piano music plays in the background. It's nice. I can say nothing more.
Cut to the ice skating rink. Nina asks Sam if he's ready to go, and he asks for just five minutes more. Nina: "Five more minutes than the five more minutes I just gave you five minutes ago?" Sam pleads with his mom not to make him do math, and tries to take off, because he and his friends are going to play hockey and flip. Nina says he can have ten more minutes if he never flips ever in his whole life. Sam counters with fifteen, and says his whole life is a long time. Nina relents, and Sam hits the ice.
Abbott House. Hannah and Amy are just getting ready to put their devious plan in motion when Patch announces that Hannah gets to pick the movie they watch, and that he just knows the girls will find his special jalapeno popcorn "quite adventurous to the taste buds." Oh, Patch. Amy says she's staying at Hannah's for the night. Patch says that's fine, but that he doesn't want them to miss Rose's lasagna, so they can leave after dinner. Hannah stammers that Nina is making them dinner to return the favor, since Hannah's always eating at the Abbotts'. Amy jumps in, saying it's not fair that Rose has to cook all the time. Hannah: "Yeah, totally not fair." Patch, now suspicious, asks Amy if she'll be sleeping over all night. Amy tells her dad that that's kind of what a sleepover is. Patch raises an eyebrow, waits a long moment, and says, "And you're sure you'd rather go there." Amy, trying not to giggle, says she's sure. Patch can do nothing but tell her she can go, and that they'll save some leftovers for her. The girls head out the door, and Patch calls, "Be safe! I mean, uh, drive safe. Roads can be icy this time of year." Aw, poor Patch.
When Amy arrives at the cabin, she knocks on the door for a long time before Ephram lets her in. When he finally does, we see that he's decorated the cabin with candles and flowers and a roaring fire and romantic music. Ephram says he knows it wasn't supposed to be "special," but he wanted to do a little something. "I know it's no Paris," he finishes. Amy: "Yes it is." So sweet. So cheesy. So AWESOME.
Over at the children's restaurant of inflatable balls, Treat and Amanda try to get Delia and Charlie to communicate over milkshakes. Delia: "I don't like chocolate sprinkles that much." Charlie: "I like bananas." Hee. While their children are talking dirty to one another, Treat asks Amanda how John is today. Amanda says he's fine, then asks Treat if they can just not talk about John for one night. Ooh. Treat uncomfortably says that's fine. Delia and Charlie ask if they can go to the batting cages, probably to get away from their parents trying not to have an affair. Amanda and Treat sit quietly to each other in the booth, and then decide to follow the kids to the batting cages. Just as they're getting up, Treat's phone rings. He checks it and says it's not Ephram, so it's not urgent.
Cut to a shot of a lone cell phone sitting on a table at the Abbott house. Now, Treat should know that any phone call from Patch is always urgent. Patch tells Rose he should never have let Amy go; he must have been experiencing a psychotic break, and he cannot be held responsible for his actions. Rose is all, "Of course not, dear." Heh. Patch says that they should start with Ephram's stupid sound-proof garage, then wonders how many motels are in Everwood. Rose suggests that perhaps they think this through before they start tearing through all the Motel 6es in the county. Patch says he just wants to stop Amy from making the biggest mistake of her life. Rose thinks this is hardly the biggest mistake of Amy's life, and says she's scared, too, but that she trusts their daughter. Patch says he knows, but Amy's their little girl. Rose says they've raised Amy right, and now they have to let her go. Patch sighs mightily. Rose asks Patch why he's so scared, and wonders if there's something he's not telling her. Patch guiltily replies that of course there's nothing he's not telling her; it's just that Amy's growing up so fast. Rose leans against her husband, and reminds him that they were only two years older than Amy the first time they did it. Patch chuckles, and says, "Yeah. And God punished us with Bright." Hee. Rose punches him on the arm, and then there are two more Abbotts making out.
Scooter and a hot blonde chick are eating dinner together, so I guess now we know that damn Dimpleman did have a date. Blonde Chick says something dumb, and Scooter tries to pretend she's not dumb, and then his phone rings. It's Nina. She's hysterical, screaming and crying about Sam falling down on the ice and breaking his chin wide open. Scooter tells her to meet him at his office; he'll be there immediately. He sort of halfway apologizes to Blonde Chick and rushes out of the restaurant as fast as his dimples can carry him.
Back at the batting cages, Delia cheers Charlie on while Amanda and Treat sit behind them and watch. Amanda asks Treat if he's okay. Treat says he's just thinking about Ephram; he says that Ephram might be having sex right this minute, and that he can't decide if he's glad he knows that, or if he's better off the other way: "Ignorance, bliss, blah blah blah." Heh. Amanda tells him that he knows he can't stand in the way of these things. Treat says he definitely knows. Amanda asks what "the girl" is like, as if she doesn't know exactly who Amy Abbott is. Treat says that Amy's great -- smart, full of conviction, and probably the only person who understands Ephram, which amazes and surprises Treat. Amanda says that's fantastic, and gives him a knowing smile. Whatchu tryin' to do, there, little lady? I mean, besides get into Treat's pants without loo
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king like you're desperate for another human's touch? Treat smiles back, and asks her, "What's happening here?" Amanda says she was kind of waiting for that question, and says she doesn't know: "What do you think is happening?" Well, that's not an obvious way of avoiding the issue, is it? Treat says he doesn't know, either, but for a second there, it seemed like they were the ones on the date. Amanda's all, "Yeah. It did, didn't it?" Gah. Dear Treat and Amanda: If you continue to stare deep into the other's eyes and pretend you are not totally hot for each other, I am going to throw up. Please just fricking fish or cut bait. Now look what you've made me do. You've made me say "fricking." Fuck. Love, AB Chao. Of course, they continue to do exactly what they have just been advised not to, and we cut over to Charlie, who is hogging the batting cage. Delia is like, "Dude. Give me the bat. It's my turn." Charlie ignores her, and we cut back to Treat and Amanda, who finally decide to say some words. Amanda tells Treat that she never should have asked him out. Treat says she didn't; Charlie asked Delia out. Amanda confesses that it was actually all her idea, and that she just used the playdate excuse to get it to happen: "I just needed to see you, to see if I was going crazy or if there was something here. And I dragged my kid into it. I may need to be shot." Treat gets all sad and whispers, "We can't." Just then, Delia interrupts to say that they're leaving, because Charlie's a butthole. She looks at Amanda and adds, "No offense." Heh.Back at the cabin, two teenagers are getting it on. Amy starts to cry. Oh, man. Ephram touches her face, realizes what's happening, and asks her what's wrong. She's chicken, that's what's wrong. Amy says she doesn't know what's happening to her. She apologizes and says she just feels overwhelmed. Ephram, who is a good boyfriend, says it's okay. Amy worries that they're not ready, that it's all wrong, and that they'll do it and it will screw everything up. Ephram says they'll wait, then. Amy worries that they'll never be ready. Ephram's like, "Okay." Heh. Amy says that having sex might reveal that they're more friends than anything else. Ephram asks her if she really believes that. Amy says she does not, but that she's scared, and doesn't want them to change. Ephram says he doesn't, either. OH MY GOD. JUST DO THE SEX. PLEASE, I BEG YOU. Ephram gives Amy the most adorable little smile, and says, "Let's just take it off the table." Amy, clearly relieved, answers, "Really?" Ephram says it's not something that has to happen right then, and yes, really. Amy asks what they should do now. Ephram says they should just go to sleep. Sweet Mother of Jesus, if you two don't do something soon, there are going to be a whole lot of other people going to sleep, too.
Office of Dimples. Scooter is stitching up Sam's chin, and telling him he's doing great. Nina hovers around, all nervous and distressed. Scooter tells Sam that almost everyone has a scar under their chin, like a Purple Heart for kids. He says that when he was just about Sam's age, one of his friends accidentally cracked his plastic Light Saber, and sliced Scooter's chin right open with it. Ew. Scooter goes on to say that Sam is getting one more stitch than he had, which makes Sam the toughest kid Scooter's ever seen. Aw. Nina tells Scooter that it's amazing how he is with kids. Scooter: "Just chalk it up to my immaturity." Heh. Nina thanks him, and Scooter tells Nina to bring Sam in tomorrow to see how he's doing. Sam asks Scooter if he wants to come over and have cocoa with them. Scooter declines, saying it's way past his bedtime. He really is good with kids. Nina says she'll see him tomorrow, and leaves with the stars in her eyes. Uh-oh.
Cabin, again. Amy wakes up and tells Ephram she's cold. Ephram gives her more blanket, and says he's been up for a while because she was snoring. Amy sleepily says she does not snore, and Ephram is all, "You do." Amy tells Ephram that she loves the blanket they're sleeping under; her mom made it, if he can believe it. Ephram says he can, given that Rose runs Everwood and still cooks three meals a day for the entire family: "She should be the Dalai Lama." Amy says they used to come to the cabin every summer, until one time Bright got mono or something. She says she's still cold, so Ephram pulls her closer to him. He has a little present for her under the covers, and apologizes. Amy giggles and says it's just a reflex. Oy, enough with the reflex, people. They start making out, and Amy finally decides she's ready for the sex. Ephram and the rest of the universe are like, "Finally, GOD." They start to kiss, and we fade out of the scene.
Morning in the Brown House. Treat asks Delia if she's upset about Charlie. Delia says she already has her dad and Ephram telling her what to do all the time anyway, and that she doesn't need another boy getting in her business. Good for you, Miss Delia. Ephram walks in, and Treat asks him how the camping went. Ephram says that it was good. Delia says she hates camping, and that her boyfriend will also not be allowed to go camping. Treat: "No. No, you are NOT going camping." Hee. Ephram laughs to himself, and Delia's like, "What?"
Cut to morning at the Abbott House. Rose and Patch are drinking coffee. Amy bounces in and tells Rose, "You look beautiful this morning, Mom!" Hee hee. Rose smiles at Patch, who asks Amy if she had a good time at Hannah's. Amy says it was good, and asks if they're really going to sell the cabin on the lake. Patch says maybe they'll hold on to it for another year. Amy says that's a wonderful idea, and Patch finally gets it. Amy goes upstairs, and Patch tells Rose that that place goes on the market TODAY. Rose, again, is all, "Yes, dear."
Treat knocks on Amanda's door. She answers and asks him in, but he has something for her -- a recommendation for all-new doctors. Amanda acts like it's just business as usual, and thanks him. She shuts the door, and Treat walks down the sidewalk all lonely and sad. Hmph.
Nighttime. Amy's in her bed; Ephram's in his. He calls her on his cell phone, and when she answers, says he just wanted to check and see if she were snoring yet. Heh. Amy says that she does not snore, and asks, "Whatcha doin'?" Ephram says, "Not much. What are you doing?" Amy: "Nothing." Ephram: "Cool." And we all sniff and fade to black.
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