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Whew! It's out! It's finally out! Eli's aneurysm, that is. When no lawyer will represent Eli in his disbarment case, Taylor applies to her father. She gives him some guff about how the reason for their breakup was her infidelity and Law Daddy takes the case. However, when Nathan is called to the stand to testify about his brother's health, Eli -- having already asked Nathan to lie under oath to save both their jobs -- finally gets the point of this week's "Who'll Stop the Rain" visions and announces his aneurysm. While Jordan clearly feels hurt and betrayed, his professional pride won't let him give up on Eli's case. Jordan calls a press conference and files a countersuit against the California Bar Association for violations of Federal Americans with Disabilities Act. That suit buys them more time in front of the judge and Eli gets to make his case that his aneurysm makes him a better person and lawyer. The judge rules in his favor but sanctions him and fines him $1000 for Eli's initial cover-up of his condition.
In other case files, Bennett and Dowd team up to defend a ballplayer who kinda sorta accidentally killed his third base coach with a foul ball. Since the ballplayer (NOT BARRY BONDS!) is suspected of juicing, the ADA wants to make it a criminal case, likening it to vehicular manslaughter while under the influence. Dowd and Posner pull a meeting with the DA -- no "A" necessary -- who promises to speak to his underling and push him away from criminal charges. That all seems smooth and martini-lunched until the ADA shows up with photos showing the ballplayer's wife rolling in the sheets with the dead third base coach. Turns out the ballplayer hired a PI to follow his wife and, well, now it looks like the ballplayer did it in the baseball diamond with the baseball. (Hey, at least I didn't make a foul play joke!) Bennett and Dowd convince the slugger to surrender to the police.
Jordan is pretty pissed off at Eli but since he can't fire him, he instead divests Eli of his office, his assistant -- Patti's working for Taylor now, oh yes! -- his caseload, and perhaps most damaging, Jordan's regard. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
It's not often that a show makes me squeal, but when the show opened and we saw Eli talking to Allan Rachins about why he should represent Eli in his disbarment case, I did actually squeal. Because, seriously! It's Brackman from L.A. Law! The quirky lawyer show that spawned all quirky lawyer shows! (I'll still never forget that bizarre golf course case where some old biddy was salivating on the witness stand over her description of a golfer beating a swan to death with his club.) The fact that Rachins' head so perfectly blocks the second and third letters of his law firm's name so all you saw was B [head]ckman couldn't have been a coincidence. Anyway, Rachins, having shaved off his hippie Dharma & Greg locks in order to return to the straight-laced legal locks of his youth, basically tells Eli that he really has no shot at winning his case even if he could find a lawyer. Rachins is even more convinced of that fact after Eli admits that he's been hiding his life-threatening aneurysm. (Oh, wait -- there is an "E" behind Rachins' head. Darn.) Yeah, so things don't look too bright for Eli. However, it's Eli Stone, so I have a feeling the sun will come out tomorrow. In the middle of this meeting, Eli feels drops of water on his head that he assumes are coming from a faulty AC, but since we don't see the drops, we can expect visions soon.
Over at the firm's morning meeting, everyone is reacting to a new case. Maggie's gibbering, "He's dead? As in dead-dead?" Dowd has the best response for her yet when he snaps, "No, alive-dead. He is a zombie." Seriously -- shut up, Maggie, no one cares about a character who cries in nearly every episode. Eli enters at this point and snarks that he thought they were all filled up with "blood-sucking clients." Oh, Eli, zombie's aren't blood-sucking, they're brains-sucking! Then again, maybe Eli's a little blind where brains are concerned. Because, you know: aneurysm. Anyway, Eli's brainless quip pretty much goes over like the proverbial lead balloon as everyone else sort of shuffles papers or drinks coffee to avoid looking at him. Jordan makes a sardonic comment about no one reading the daily paper and clarifies that Jayson Turk, the All-Star catcher for the Golden State Marvels, hit a foul ball that bopped the third base coach on the head and, well, killed him. FOUL PLAY! (Sorry. Had to be said.) Posner drawls, "Yes, I picked an excellent night to bring the kids out to the firm's luxury box." A) I'm sure they couldn't even see much from the luxury box, since luxury boxes are so far from the actual playing field they might as well be at SFO; and B) They play video games. They'll get over it.
Moving on, Jordan explains that Turk is a long-standing client, so they'll be preparing his defense. See, Turk has long been accused of steroid abuse, and the DA's office is going to use this incident to juice a Giambi confession out of the catcher. Dowd just assumes he'll be on this case, but Jordan shuts him down with a snark about it being slightly more diffy than negotiating an endorsement deal. New Guy Bennett has the "requisite criminal law experience." AND? He's black! (Okay, I don't know if the ball player is black as well, but I'm assuming this is all a thinly-veiled allusion to the notorious Barry Bonds.) Dowd is pathetic in his chagrin at being sidelined, and finally Jordan exasperates, "Who could resist those puppy-dog eyes? Mr. Dowd, why don't you back up Mr. Bennett." Bennett is so not thrilled. They move on to other case assignments and it becomes clear that Eli is getting shafted, due to his upcoming disciplinary hearing with the California Bar that afternoon. At this point the vision of the week starts in earnest with rain pouring down on Eli's head. thing you know, Eli's standing on a grassy knoll watching his fellow lawyers, who are all skipping around in white diaphanous garments while singing "Who'll Stop the Rain." Other people are dancing with umbrellas, but I soon forget them as Victor Garber's voice drowns everyone else out. He takes Eli by the arm and sings, "...wrapped in golden chain, and I wonder, still I wonder: who'll stop the ra-ai-aiiin?" Oh, my god. I will probably never get sick of Spy Daddy singing. In a reverse universe, I'd also never get sick of Sing Daddy spying. So, yeah, as these visions go? Just make sure Victor Garber is always singing, and I'm pretty much always going to love them. The fact that he's also dressed in white linen just makes it so much better. Of course, they do all look like they're in a cult. His co-workers do a ring-around-the-aneuryosie, and then Eli is suddenly back in the office. He's standing with his eyes closed, gently singing off-key, "The rai-ain." His head is thrown back, his chest thrust forward, and his arms out to the sides in one of the more squirming-under-the-couch post-vision postures yet. When Eli comes to and sees everyone staring and Posner smirking, he does the only thing he can do. Sit back down and look embarrassed.
I know a guy who used that song to remember that Manama was the capital of Bahrain: "And I wonder, still I wonder, Manama Bahrain!" Yeah, he was kind of a weirdo.
Dr. Chen's. After Eli explains the latest vision, Dr. Chen, the Magical Asian Man, comments that both God and Hurakan (a Mayan god, and I'd tell you to Wikipedia it already, but I'm worried that Jimmy Wales dated him and therefore compromised the truth of the entry) used rain to wipe out their first draft of humanity. After pointing out that this is the second time Jordan has sung to him, Dr. Chen helps Eli figure out that maybe Jordan is the one who will "stop the rain" of his disbarment hearing. And even when we and Dr. Chen learn that the disbarment prosecutor is named Holly Raines, Eli still refuses to ask Jordan to represent him because he'll have to admit that he lied about his aneurysm. Dr. Chen is all, "You lied? To your boss?" and is a bit more surprised than I would have thought he should be, but I guess I take honesty to my bosses less seriously than most.
Back at the office, Taylor gently tries to introduce the idea that taking a little break from the scales of justice might be a good thing for Eli. He's not having it, so when Taylor learns that Eli still doesn't have a lawyer of any sort and is depending on his job to keep him from turning into his "alcoholic screw-up of a father," she makes a silent decision.
The scene is Jordan boggling over his daughter asking him to save her ex-fiancé's Levi-clad ass. (This is where I get to SQUEEE that on a trip to L.A. last week, I ate my pizza at Mozza three feet away from Johnny Lee Miller, who was wearing Levis and a button-down shirt. He looked so adorably NORMAL!) By telling him that their smashed engagement was because she was "seeing someone else" and that Eli's bizarre behavior is just him acting out, Taylor melts what little resistance her father has to helping his almost-son. Wow. I want to side with Patti and hate Taylor but I just can't. She's too nice.
Alone in a small courtroom, Eli prepares to defend himself in the disbarment hearing, but at the last minute, Jordan sails in as his defender and savior.
I've finally figured out what American accent Johnny Lee Miller is working: Ferris Bueller meets Vince Vaughn. It's interesting. Eli approaches Taylor in the copy room and jokes, "So, I looked for a 'thanks for getting your dad to represent me in my disbarment hearing' card, but I couldn't find one." "Did you look to the 'sorry I called off our wedding because of the guy from Wham' display?" Taylor quips back. That's sort of the thing about George Michael -- no matter what or who he does in the future, he will sort of always be the guy from Wham. Eli confirms that Taylor didn't expose his brain cloud secret and then offers up Patti as a sacrifice of thanks for her help. Man, when Patti gets wind of this, Eli's going to wish himself into a well. Smartly, Taylor quails over this suggestion but doesn't reject it.
At the Not Barry Bonds Meeting, Turk describes the events as he saw them. He hit the ball, he could tell it was going to go foul, and time stopped when the coach went down. Bennett takes notes, as Mrs. Turk wonders why the cops are even bothering them for something that was so clearly an accident. Bennett explains, "It's not the police, it's the DA's office. They know they got no crime here, but they're pushing because they have a taste for Jayson." Even though Bennett's comment was totally innocuous and only the truth, Turk bristles visibly and his wife reflexively strokes his arm. Turk insists he's never used steroids. Monotonously and robotically, Dowd recites, "It's an unfortunate fact of life these days, nobody believes hard work and determination alone can raise the batting average." Bennett gives him a skeptical sidelong look. "But we know the truth and we'll proceed from there," Dowd finishes. Turk worries about being arrested, but Dowd and Bennett talk over each other to assure him that won't happen. (Which means it will.) After Turk leaves, Dowd rips into Bennett for not giving the client confidence. I guess that was some subtle nuance that I didn't get, because nothing Bennett said or did seemed to imply that Turk should be worried about his representation. Meanwhile, I guess Bennett agrees with Dowd about his behavior because he defends it by saying that he's not selling anything he can't deliver. Dowd retorts, "If you can't keep a guy, who hit a foul ball out of jail, Stone's not the only one who should lose his bar card." Bennett retorts that Dowd doesn't know "this ADA" and he does. "You're not representing some gang-banger caught with a nickel bag of crack," Dowd zings. "Marijuana," Bennett corrects. "There's no such thing as a nickel bag of crack." And he might as well add, "Duck, duck, WHITE BOY!" Bennett rolls his eyes at Dowd's lame rejoinder of "whatever!" and condescendingly invites him along on the ADA meeting.
What the hell is Maggie babbling about now? She's got Patti trapped in some sort of desk thrall from which Patti sees no escape. Maggie drips on about how worried she is about Eli and how strange he's acting because surely, there must be something wrong with him and she really just wants to help because that's the kind of person she is. Seriously? Is this chick for real? Because she's so apple pie, love in the sky that it's gotta be a front, right? I mean, tell me that this Purel façade is just whitewashing a twisted, dark soul who keeps puppies and kittens chained in her basement and that feeding on their sad yips and mews is the sole thing that keeps her hair so smooth and shiny. Maggie babbles on that she's not trying to be a pain, which causes me to muse over what amazing heights one can reach when they aren't even trying. In that sense, Maggie's sort of an inspiration for us all.
You'd think that Patti would be glad that Taylor came over and interrupted with some stuff she needs types, but you'd be wrong. Hearing that Eli volunteered her services, Patti just smiles with her teeth, "That sounds so...like him!" and says, "I'll put it at the tippy-top of my to-do list." Taylor smiles uncomfortably from Patti to Maggie before smoothing down her intensely unflattering blue pinstripe vest and walking off. Maggie breathes a sigh of something and turns back to Patti, who fires back, "He finally freed himself of that woman. What could possibly be wrong with him?!" I have to love Patti even more for shooing Maggie off with her hands. Maggie, not knowing what to do, clunks off to add more puppy juice to her hair.
Eli has a take-out dinner with Jordan and learns that he doesn't really know what the hell Taylor told her father about the ending of their relationship. Not desiring to enlighten him, Jordan moves on to the case and instructs Eli exactly how he is to handle the questions of prosecuting attorney. As Jordan goes through each stage, we cut to Eli in the courtroom dutifully following his instructions. First, Eli is to account for his odd behavior by not accounting for it. In other words: obfuscate! Obfuscate! Obfuscate! In response to Raines' question, Courtroom Eli says, "I can't admit or deny it was part of my legal strategy without discussing my strategy, and I can't do that without violating privilege." Jordan says that Raines won't let him hide behind attorney-client confidentiality, so when Raines asks about the singing and dancing in his law firm, Courtroom Eli says, "What I do outside the attorney-client relationship isn't relevant to my fitness to practice law." Jordan says that Raines' weakness is overreaching, so when Raines assumes that Eli doesn't deny his outbursts, Courtroom Eli says, "I didn't know that singing was against the law -- what else could I lose my license for, playing the piano?" And then, Jordan tells Eli, he has to move in for the attack. Courtroom Eli says, "In the last two months, my trial record's been three-and-one, winning over fifteen million dollars for my clients. If I'm unfit to practice law, maybe the lawyers I beat should be invited to your witch hunt." That first stage over, Jordan compliments Eli's performance and shows him Raines' witness list. He points out that Brother Nathan is on the list. Eli shrugs it off by saying Raines is just fishing. "Then you shouldn't have chummed the waters. It was foolish having your own brother examine you -- makes it look like you have something to hide," Jordan fires back. Outside of Jane Austen, does anyone use "foolish" in every day conversation anymore? It's a serious question. Eli lies, "Well, it's a good thing, then, that I don't." Is that the second time he's turned Jordan away from the truth? One more time and one of them converts to Judaism.
Back to the NOT BARRY BONDS GOD! case. The ADA insists Turk is on steroids because his head size grew from 8 1/2 to 8 3/4 in five years. Last time he checked, the only adult whose head actually gets bigger is the Hulk's. Yeah, but it's not the cap size that matters, it's the green skin that screams Lyle Alzado. The ADA announces he's planning on charging Turk with homicide. He argues that hitting someone with your car is an accident, just like this foul ball, but when the driver has consumed three martinis it's criminally negligent homicide. Dumb Dowd gimmies, "I'm not seeing the martini here." It's a little cocktail they like to call a Buttini or an Assmopolitan. The ADA says, "Steroids. Hitting a major league fastball in the vicinity of other people while under strength-enhancing drugs? That sounds pretty reckless to me." The ADA goes on that if Turk cops to the steroids and rats out his suppliers, he can make the whole thing go away. "So can I," Bennett promises. "We'll get a judge to kick this." Bennett and Dowd leave. Outside the ADA's office, Dowd twits Bennett, "Well, I thought that went really well." Bennett warns him about doing his "little smug act" with him. Ignoring this, Dowd says, "Cancel your lunch plans, we're going to do this the real way now." Bennett looks after him and is all, "My lunch plans?" like, "What sort of pansy makes lunch plans?"
At his brother's office, Eli apologetically breaks the news to Nathan that in order to save both their jobs and respective licenses to do their jobs, Nathan is going to have to lie under oath. He can't think of any other way to get Nathan out of this mess. Nathan says he knows his brother is really good at his job, so he has to ask, "If I was your client and you were my lawyer, what would you tell me to do?" "Lie," Eli says.
Patti, clearly on a personal call, is gossiping and giggling on the phone when Taylor sticks her head in and asks about the work she gave Patti. Without getting off the phone and barely even acknowledging Taylor's presence, Patti just says, "I never got to it, try back later." Finally annoyed and making a point about it, Taylor crosses her arms and walks into the office. Getting it, Patti hangs up and deals with Taylor. Basically, Taylor is politely bemused as to why Patti didn't do what she asked. "I've been busy," Patti shrugs. Taylor gets to the real point. She dealt with Patti's rudeness when she was with Eli but now that she's actually working in the same office, she really wants to know what the hell Patti's problem is with her. Patti stands up and asks, "Can I be honest with you?" "This is you holding back?" Taylor shrugs. Patti doesn't like who Eli became when he was with Taylor. Suddenly, Eli didn't have time for the firm's smaller clients. Taylor protests that Eli has been with the firm for eight years and they had dated for only two of them. Patti asks Taylor to explain the last two months, "The cases he's taken, what he's done right before and since he dumped you?" "Maybe because he's sick," Taylor offers. "Or," Patti counters, "Maybe now he's better." Taylor throws up her hands and sort of chokes that she'll do her own typing. She walks out. Okay, so we finally understand some of Patti's enmity for Taylor, but is that all of it? I mean, she so clearly loathes Taylor, I was hoping for something with more meat on it.
Eating at some clubby spot that probably sells beef and heart attacks for the suited asses of S.F., Dowd toys with Bennett a bit about why they are having lunch with Posner. Bennett doesn't really bite until the DA walks up to their table and greets Posner like a very old, very dear, very slimy friend. Posner invites the DA to sit with them and chuckles that his "minions" were just bitching to him about one of the DA's own, "Paul Sweren?" The DA instantly recalls the Turk case and shakes his head over it, saying he supports his ADA. This spurs Posner and Dowd into talking about the new baseball stadium that is yet to be built and how that stadium will need public funding. Posner goes on, "Public funding needs local support, which might be hard to come by if you slap a murder charge on San Francisco's favorite son." "No, that would be Barry Bonds," the DA corrects. Um, no it wouldn't. Barry Bonds is an ass and most of San Francisco is embarrassed by him. The DA muses that it would be tragic if the city lost the stadium, "And not every death is a criminal matter." The DA promises to talk to Sweren and leaves. Bennett looks a bit sickened by this whole lunch. Dowd reassures him grandly, "Don't worry, as starting pitcher, you still record the win, I just get the save." And then I think he reaches over and eats food off Bennett's plate.
Raines has Nathan on the stand and is grilling him about signing off on his brother's brain scan. Nathan starts to sweat, and Eli is tossed into another rainy day vision. (Or are these memories?) This one has Young Eli looking at a nudie mag with Caruso from Everybody Hates Chris. They're distracted from tits and ass by Eli's father walking through rain, talking nonsense and acting drunk. At first, Young Eli tries to pretend it's not his father, but Caruso insists that it is. Finally, Young Eli shoves the tittie mag at Caruso and goes up to yell at his dad. Dad Stone is sort of cowed to see his son standing in front of him, all angry and drenched. Young Eli demands the bottle from his dad, and Dad Stone slowly pulls a bottle of vodka from his jacket. Eli drags him off home.
Flashing back to the courtroom, Eli stands up and interrupts the line of questioning. Jordan tries to get Eli to shut up, but Eli barrels on that he forged his own signature. Jordan quickly asks for a recess, but the judge denies him. The judge asks why he forged his signature. "Because I didn't want anyone, especially Mr. Weathersby, to discover that I have a brain aneurysm," Eli admits. Oh, man, poor Jordan. (I can't call him Weathersby because wasn't that the name of the rotund principal of Riverside High in the Archie comics?) He sort of sinks to his seat, looking completely and gobsmackedly devastated. Raines asks Nathan if the aneurysm is the cause of Eli's behavior. His heart not really in it, but still in his lawyer mode, Jordan objects, citing doctor-patient privilege, and tells Nathan not to answer. Raines then turns the question on the obviously obliging Eli, who nods his answer over Jordan's increasingly weak objections. Raines asks if Eli is undergoing treatment at this time. Jordan's jaw is now pretty level with the floor. Eli responds that he's not undergoing treatment, because there isn't any treatment, it's inoperable. Victor Garber continues to break my heart with his face, and even more distressing, he's not even trying to object anymore. Raines finally asks if his aneurysm is fatal. Eli says, "Well, it's possible that I could live to be a hundred, or yes, it could be fatal." Raines announces that the State Bar rests. Jordan finally pulls himself together to stand up and request that recess again. Granted, but the judge doesn't think Jordan and Eli will be happy with his decision when they reconvene. Eli whispers, "Sir...I --" But Jordan stops him with a terse, "Don't."
Back at the firm, Jordan bawls his daughter out for lying to him about Eli being in good health. "Are you serious?' Taylor demands. "I love him, and he could die. Any minute, I could lose him." Jordan ignores this and says he expects secrets between them, but not dishonesty. He is most seriously displeased. Taylor, who knows her father way less than I seem to, half-chokes, "Eli's been like a son to you, and it's like you don't even care that he could die. And you're disappointed in me." Jordan flinches because his daughter can't see that all his misplaced anger is because he's beyond worried that Eli could die. Now, he will have to push Eli far, far away from him so it won't hurt when Eli does die. But at this point, the distance of righteous anger is all he can summon up.
In Dr. Chen's office, Eli rails against the acupuncturist for making him believe that his visions had some greater spiritual purpose. I'm not really seeing how that has changed just because this particular vision is all about saving Eli rather than other people. Eli's blustering clearly hurts Dr. Chen, but he just asks what prompted Eli to reveal the truth about his brain cloud. Eli shouts about his father-son vision and then sits down, musing, "I'd forgotten how out there he could be, and how mad it would make me. Seeing him like that, I wasn't going to let Nate ruin his life just like our father nearly did." Dr. Chen decides it's time for a needle nap to give clarity to the father-son flashback. Just before he needles him, Dr. Chen says enigmatically, "Give my regards to your father." "What?!" Eli blusters before being shot back in time.
He remembers his father coming into his room at night. Young Eli rolls over on his bed, showing his dad his back. "My friend saw," Eli tells him, "At the park. Everyone at school's going to know now." Dad Stone tries to laugh that he was only playacting. But then, he drops the pretense and adds lamely, "I'm sure it didn't look that bad." Eli mutters, "At least when you're at the bar, nobody else can see." Dad Stone sits down and tries to explain himself: "I know sometimes I don't seem to be making a whole lot of sense. The reason for that is I -- it's like I can see too much. I mean, when my eyes are open, I see what's right in front of me but I also see...other things. Things that haven't happened yet." Eli seems interested and rolls over to listen. "And maybe they won't," Dad Stone goes on, "They...don't always, but sometimes, sometimes they do." Dad Stone pauses and locks eyes with his son. "Does anything like that ever happen to you?" he asks hopefully. "Yeah," Eli admits. Dad Stone straightens up, expectant. Eli sits up, "Yeah, I can see the future, too. In a few hours you're going to pass out somewhere." Dad Stone's face drops. "Mom's going to get phone call and tell me that she's gotta go out and get milk or eggs for the morning, but really she's going out to get you [a lot of distaste poured into that syllable] from wherever and when she gets home, she's gonna take a shower so no one in the house can hear her crying." Dad Stone is on his feet, and Young Eli once again rolls over on his bed. Dad Stone stares sadly at his son's back before walking out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He closes the door of hope! Of love! Of understa -- oh, you're all smart. You can figure out the symbolism.
Back to the present, Eli wakes up with tears on his face. He remembers everything. He sits up. "He tried to tell me the truth," Eli says. "That he had visions, too?" Dr. Chen supplies. Eli nods and says he knows what he has to do.
Foul Play case. Sweren arrives at Dowd's office, but Dowd holds him off with, "Wait, give me a minute, I don't have an obnoxious remark prepared!" Bennett and the entire viewing public roll their eyes. Don't strain yourself there, buddy. "Got it!" Dowd announces, "You didn't have any trouble finding your way here did you? I know the elevator ride can be disorienting for someone used to living and working in a basement." Dowd snickers at his own stupid self. Sweren says Dowd's as funny as the phone call he got from his boss, "He just wanted to tell me I had his full support in the Turk case." Yeah, Bennett and Dowd don't know how to react to that. "What?" Sweren goes on, not missing a beat, "Were you expecting him to -- oh, I don't know -- tell me to back off? In fact that was how the conversation started until I presented him with the evidence." Sweren hands over a mailer, apologizing for not having an obnoxious remark prepared. Dowd pulls out some photos. "Now, you can't make out her face in every shot," Sweren explains helpfully, "But obviously that's your client's wife, obviously engaged in a series of acts with a consenting adult obviously not her husband." Bennett asks if the consenting adult obviously not her husband is who he thinks it is. "Well, that depends if you think that's the third base coach your client murdered," Sweren retorts. He's also ready for Bennett when he says that the photos could've been taken years ago, because he's got the P.I. Turk hired ready to testify that the photos were taken quite recently. Sweren goes on, "You were right. I was wrong. This isn't negligent homicide -- it's premeditated murder." Dowd blusters that this was an accident. "An accident where your client just happens to kill the guy screwing his wife," Sweren clarifies and leaves, entreating them to keep the photos because he's got plenty of copies. I like him. Bennett stares at Dowd. "Don't say it," Dowd sighs. "Say what? How glad I am that I have you to show me how things get done uptown?" Bennett slaps Dowd's shoulder in sarcastic appreciation. Get a room, you two.
In Jordan's office, Eli stands uncomfortably behind a chair and listens to Jordan tell him that the partners think that the aneurysm and his song-and-dance routines are definite grounds for disbarment. Eli would understand if Jordan wants to back out of the case. "That's big of you, Eli, but when I take on a case, I take it on to win," Jordan reminds him. Eli has an idea of how they can do that, but he's willing to keep it to himself if it will piss Jordan off even more. "You're a smart attorney, Eli, if I feel betrayed -- and I do -- it's only because I saw in you a piece of myself. Given that symbiosis, I suspect we've both arrived at the same conclusion." Bolstered by this, Eli sits down excitedly and reveals, "The aneurysm doesn't hurt our case." "The aneurysm is our case," Jordan refines.
In the scene, we see Jordan and Eli giving a press conference. The entire firm sits in front of one TV -- even though they could probably all be streaming it from their individual computers -- and watches Jordan deliver his statement. Jordan announces that neither Eli's behavior nor his aneurysm has impaired his ability to practice law in any way. He goes on that Eli's aneurysm didn't keep him from graduating from Stanford, clerking at the Supreme Court, or representing clients with distinction at one of the country's most prestigious firms. The individual reactions at aforementioned firm are interesting: Taylor is rightfully tearful over her father impressively defending the honor of the man she loves; Maggie is annoyingly tearful (over what, we have no idea, given how she freaks out on Eli later) as she clutches pearls she's not even wearing; Posner is quietly proud and duly impressed by his partner's ingenuity and delivery; Patti looks calmly surprised by Jordan. Elsewhere, Nathan watches the press conference and looks proud of his brother. He also looks a little emotional. Jordan closes, "As a member of the bar, I am embarrassed by the disciplinary actions it has taken against my colleague, my associate, and that is why I felt it my obligation to draft and file a law suit against the state bar association for violations of the Federal Americans with Disabilities Act on Mr. Stone's behalf."
When Bennett and Dowd meet with their slugger client one more time, Bennett runs the meeting. Turk keeps denying he killed the coach on purpose and finally asks Dowd, "You think I did this?" "I think if you could your aim hits like this, your on-base percentage would be a thousand, but that doesn't change the fact that the ADA thinks otherwise." Bennett explains to Turk that the ADA is fully planning on sending cops to Turk's home to drag him out to a squad car in front of all his neighbors. Dowd says that their firm has some pull with the DA and they've arranged for Turk to surrender to the cops himself. "Surrender?" Turk asks, "So, I'm, like, a criminal here?" Dowd promises they will get him through this as painlessly as possible. And, kids? That's why YOU DON'T DO STERIODS!
Back at the disbarment hearing, the judge cites the press conference and withdraws his summary ruling, allowing the case to continue. Jordan thinks they should just move to closing statements and says that Eli will be speaking on his own behalf. Eli looks in surprise at Jordan, who encourages him quietly, "Go on, Eli, they need to hear from you why you want this. To be reminded how good you are at it." Eli gets up and talks about how good a lawyer he was before his aneurysm and how he would have become a great lawyer. However, since he only cared about winning his cases, Eli admits he wouldn't have been a great person. The aneurysm has made him care about helping his clients. "And how good a help will you be to them if you die in the middle of their case?" Raines asks. As good a help as any lawyer who stands the chance of getting hit by a car or choking on a pretzel or accidentally fatally stabbing themselves to death while cooking. Eli goes on that since he knows that any case could be his last (Jordan looks very pained here, and I love him for it!), he takes the cases that are more important to him, and he thinks he's a better lawyer for it. He agrees that his behavior is odd, but odd isn't always bad. Eli goes on, "My father had the same condition, and it didn't prevent him from raising two sons. One who became a doctor [he looks back at Nathan, who smiles slightly], and another who became a lawyer. And being a lawyer is all I ever wanted to be. One day, I may have stop being one, but that's not today. Today, I can still do some good. All I'm looking for from this hearing is the chance to keep doing it."
After the commercial break, the judge rules that Eli should be sanctioned and fined $1000 for concealing his medical condition. However, the judge continues, he is not revoking his right to practice law, but Eli has to submit to a medical exam by a physician who is not his brother. The judge specifically eyes Nathan, who was looking all happy at this news, but when the judge gives him the eye, Nathan sort of calms down and shakes his head slightly in agreement. It makes me giggle. Eli will also have to endure regular psychiatric evals to determine if his ability to practice law has been compromised. Judge bangs his gavel, and Eli breathes a sigh of relief. He looks over at Jordan and starts to say, "Sir..." But Jordan just cuts him dead with a look and walks out of the courtroom without a word. Cold. Raines shakes his hand and sincerely wishes him good luck. The brothers Stone embrace.
Oh, and we're here now. Maggie stomps into Eli's office, all puffed up with her ridiculously righteous indignation. Before she gets a word out, Eli tries to apologize by saying, "You know, the strange thing was, as hard as it was to keep the secret from people from here, it was oddly kind of hardest to keep it from you." That is odd. What is Maggie to Eli, really? Maggie doesn't care and just calls Eli an ass. "I thought you changed. I thought you realized all by yourself that it's not enough to be a good lawyer if you're not a good person, but you're the same selfish, self-centered lawyer you always were. All that's changed now is that you're trying to clean up your record in case there's a hereafter." I'm sorry, Maggie, but who's the one who could drop dead any second now -- you or Eli? Oh, it's Eli? Then shut your sanctimonious, cartoon-idealistic face! Eli splutters that there was this whole thing with a coffee can and a mountaintop, but Maggie's too pissed about her tarnished knight to actually think clearly. She spouts a bit more, then snits, "I rest my case!" and stomps out. Patti is the to walk in and she observes, "You really have a way with women." Eli comments, "I'm not sure how it happened, but I think my having an aneurysm pisses her off!" Not just her, Patti announces -- Jordan wants to see him.
Jordan's office. As soon as Eli walks in, Jordan asks haltingly, "Are you in pain?" Eli's not sure what he means. "Your...aneurysm," Jordan clarifies roughly, "Does it cause you any physical discomfort?" Eli assures him that it doesn't. Jordan thinks over his words before saying that he understands why Eli lied to him and he also realizes that he probably would have done the same thing in his place. However, Jordan concludes, that doesn't change the fact that Eli's secret could have jeopardized the entire firm. Gathering emotional steam from anger and hurt, Jordan goes on, "I like being lied to only less than I appreciate my life's work being threatened by selfishness. I won't tolerate it within these walls and I won't put my money in such a person's pocket." Jordan reaffirms that he can't fire Eli. "Even if I could get around the language of the Keller settlement, I couldn't discharge the very attorney whose freedom to practice I so publicly championed." Jordan is obligated to keep Eli on. However, he is not obligated to give Eli an office, an assistant, or a caseload. "I'm not obligated to treat you with respect," Jordan continues, getting more upset by the second, "And I'm not obligated to maintain a professional or personal relationship with you. We're done." I'm not sure who looks more hurt here, Jordan or Eli. Probably Jordan, because Eli can't even begin to understand the depths of Jordan's regard and fatherly love for him. Am I reading too much into what is only the sixth episode of this infant show? Maybe, but it's fucking Victor Garber, people! How can I not see that?!
As Eli packs up his office to make way for Taylor taking it over, Taylor asks if Eli wants her to talk to her father. Eli really doesn't; he created this mess and now he has to deal with it. The important thing to Eli is not the office, it's that he's still a lawyer. Eli carries his box out to say goodbye to Patti. Patti, getting all choked up as she brushes off his lapel, remembers how she had his car towed for parking in Jordan's space fifteen minutes after he first arrived at the firm. Eli leaves Patti with the news that he wasn't the one who got Jordan to represent him, Taylor did. Patti considers this but doesn't say anything. As Patti's phone rings, Eli walks off, saying he'll just be down the hall. Tearfully, Patti answers her phone, "Taylor Weathersby's office." People leaving offices is sad. Very sad.
Dr. Chen and Eli share a beer in Chen's office. Chen hopes to buck Eli up by reminding him about a higher power and larger plan to Eli's life, but Eli is definitely done with that prophet crap. Chen reminds Eli that it's understandable for him to be bitter. "I'm not bitter. I'm relieved," Eli corrects him, "Ever since I was diagnosed, I was afraid of becoming like my dad, you know? This pathetic guy who couldn't hold his life together with both hands. Now, here I am!" Chen corrects Eli that Dad Stone may have been sad and lost, but he was never pathetic. "Yeah, well, you didn't know him," Eli scoffs. Au contraire, my brain-clouded friend. Chen reminds Eli about how he couldn't get any acupuncturing work when he first started out. All he had was a dog-eared copy of I, Ching and his CCR records. "CCR?" Eli asks, "As in --" "Creedence Clearwater Revival," Chen and Eli say in unison. "Wanna guess what my favorite song was?" Chen asks. Yep. "Who'll Stop the Rain." Anyway, Chen was out of school and had no work, so he took a job at a TV repair shop because it was all he could get. Chen was grateful for the work and he asked the man who hired him what he could do to repay his kindness. Chen stands up, "And he told me about his son who was away at college at the time." Skeptical understanding dawns on Eli's face. "He told me," Chen goes on, "That I would make good on my debt to him one day." Chen comes back to where Eli is sitting and hands over an old photograph. It's young Chen and Dad Stone in front of Stone Sales and Repairs on 1280 Market Street. Eli wonders, "What are you telling me?" Chen shrugs, "I didn't know what your Dad meant -- how I could help you -- but three months ago, you walked into my office." Eli puts his beer down and looks closer at the photograph. "He saw the future," Eli says, half-laughing, half-choking back a sob, "Just like he said he could." "What do you think of that higher plan now?" Chen grins.
I like how we have the disclaimer that the preceding story was fictional and did not portray any actual persons or events. Just in case, you know, Barry Bonds got roided up enough to sue. And look! It's AB Chao's name under production staff! WAHOO!
Meanwhile, week it's either a Marine recruitment ad, or it's totally Dungeons and Dragons. Too bad that guy just died.
Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic is a writer/editor in San Francisco. You can find other examples of her writing at The Grub Report and Bay Area Bites. Two of her biggest achievements to date is that she made a bread Jacques Pépin didn't hate while working on More Fast Food My Way and that she survived Enterprise and Jennifer Love Hewitt's breastages.