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Wow, more happened in this episode than in, like, the other four combined. Smaller stuff first: Keith, from last week, and Taylor are new hires at the firm (and on the latter, HA! Suck on it, Patti!) but Eli and Taylor don't have time to bitch at each other too much (they're not back together yet, apparently) with all the visions he's getting of surfers and the beach. Matt's now-lesbian ex-girlfriend shows up and tells him that her partner, with whom she had a baby, has gone straight and born-again and is trying to take sole custody of the kid. Matt enlists Taylor, whose specialty is family law, to help him. Unfortunately, their hands are tied by a document that surfaces that the ex signed waiving her parental rights. Meanwhile, Eli makes a date with Taylor to talk things out, but when he cancels on her, she has a drink with Matt, who remembers he has a tape of the My Two Mommies Baby Shower, or something, and that convinces the judge to give joint custody to Matt's ex.
In bigger news, Eli learns that a verdict he won five years ago has been overturned. The case involves a guy who was horribly maimed when his SUV flipped over, but Old Eli, as New Eli refers to his old self, argued on behalf of the evil big-car-company defendant. In court, Eli has an episode during his opening arguments during which a choir sings "One More Try" to him. Also, there's some mystery whistleblower witness who disappeared before the last trial that could help the plaintiff's case, and Maggie's incessant digging reveals that Tom Amandes had a hand in making the witness vanish. But a vision of Patti sends Eli and Maggie to Hawaii, where they find the witness, who tells them the company ignored a safety report he wrote. Eli surreptitiously tapes the conversation and uses it to force the car company to settle, and now he's really making some powerful enemies -- and they don't let the grass grow under their feet, as the car company's CEO, citing Eli's episode in court, gets disbarment proceedings initiated against him. Also of interest: Tom Amandes and Patti used to be An Item, Eli name-checks Veronica Mars, and I may hate Patti, but girlfriend can sing. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
I hope it's not too late for the ratings, because this one was pretty darn good.
As a small plane flies near a lovely beach, the chyron lets us know that we're in Molokai, Hawaii. We pan over to another small plane on the ground, by which some random woman is unnecessarily telling her boyfriend or whoever how gorgeous the place is. Maybe she's meant to provide contrast to Eli, who appears and grumps about how the place is "hotter than the damn sun." On the one hand, we all know how beautiful Hawaii is, and moreover, that it almost never gets close to the kind of hot there that Eli's talking about. But if I were stuck with Maggie on a single-engine plane for even a short flight, I'd be pretty crabby too. Maggie bubbles about the locale while Eli kvetches some more about being HOT...
...and then he's babbling "Hot, hot hot hot!" like a Gilmore after he catches a bagel popping out of the toaster. The chyron now reads "Three Days Earlier," and look, show, I realize this may just be a shout-out to Victor Garber's time on Alias, but the reason this type of episode construction worked on that show is because they'd tease you with a big event or cliffhanger and then let you see how it came to be. Knowing that Maggie is going to be jawing at Eli on a beach later this episode while it's currently twenty degrees where I am just makes me want to turn off the TV. Patti (I'm dropping the "I Hate..." for now because of an upcoming development) tells Eli that there are two nasty rumors going around, and asks if he'd like to hear Number One. He, however, opts for Two, so she tells him that his win on the "Wolverine SUV" case five years ago is being overturned, and he'll have to retry it. Eli considers that for a moment, but says that Tom Amandes (oh, his role is expanding, finally, so I guess I'll call him "Martin" from now on) took over the case when the appeal was filed, so he'll handle the case in the unlikely event that a settlement isn't reached. Patti wonders why he thinks a settlement is so likely, so Eli tells her that the guy representing the plaintiff has been working on the case on contingency for five years. "Even self-righteous do-gooders need to eat." It's too bad Eli won't stop chomping on that bagel long enough to appreciate the irony. As they head up the stairs, he then tells Patti that "Old Eli" tried the case, but he's now "New Eli," and he's no longer working on the side of evil. He just doesn't mind if evil pays for his health insurance and parking. Patti calls that she's not sure "New Eli" understands how this place works, a comment more valid than it is sassy. See, we're getting somewhere.
Martin (it's hard to get used to) is running the staff meeting, and he chastises everyone for their dwindling paper usage. Matt mentions some "green program" for which he got numerous memos, but Maggie (of course) pipes up that they were printed on recycled paper. Look, show, you have to give us something more here. Many of the characters on this show are getting fleshed out pretty well, and the key is that those characters have contradictions -- things you wouldn't expect from cursory exposure to them. For example, the twist at the end of this episode adds a great deal of depth to both Martin and Patti. You didn't see that coming, because it doesn't fit with what we've seen of them so far, and it makes you want to know more so you can reconcile the two pictures of them. Maggie hasn't presented as anything other than the ditzy do-gooder, and it's boring. Of course she's the one with the green initiative. Of course she's on the side of the guy suing the car company. Of course she's cheerful and bubbly to strangers on a plane. We get it, so until she does something unexpected, or at least faces a choice that reveals something new about her character, her appearances are a waste of our time. Martin holds his head as he informs her that they charge clients a big markup on copying (and he deliciously refers to this revelation as "an inconvenient truth," and it's so awesome that they cast an actor able to match Victor Garber's talent in this role) before affirming that the verdict in the case Patti mentioned has indeed been overturned and ordering Eli to take the lead once again, with him as his second. Eli actually babbles about "New Eli," and piece of paper or not, I don't know how he hasn't been fired yet. Martin, referring to Elis Old and New: "Well, perhaps you two can have a conference call." HEE. He goes on that "Old Eli" is uniquely familiar with the case, and has a settlement conference with "Jeffrey Powell" in half an hour. Maggie perks up at Powell's name and offers to help Eli, and Martin assents, saying it will be good for her to bill some "real" hours. Jordan then enters and introduces two new hires -- Keith, whom we pretty much knew about, and...Taylor, whom we didn't, unless we'd read the episode description ahead of time. This is how I knew what Taylor meant by her statement at the end of last week's episode. As Jordan introduces Taylor, Eli hears a soft knock, and looks over through the glass pane on the door to see Patti pointing at Taylor and mouthing "Rumor Number One!" Hee. That was hilarious. Meanwhile, all the associates are like, "So who has to give up his office for your daughter, boss?"
Eli and Taylor are walking down the stairs as he babblingly tries to process what's happened. He suggests that they talk about their hookup last week, but she doesn't want to, and he notes that that's probably why she hasn't returned his calls. She fixes him with a look and, as is her wont, gets right to the point, asking if he was calling her to get back together. He hems and haws at that, and, her point proven, says that that's why she didn't bother calling him back. Eli: "Plus, you probably figured you'd just see me at work." Heh. He points out the telling timing of her up and leaving her employer of eight years, but she seethes that her dad has been recruiting her for a long time, and the firm needs a specialist in family law. Eli then gets distracted by a vision of a couple guys with surfboards under their arms running by, which is just as well, since Taylor's little speech is only designed to convince herself. A ukulele in G makes its presence known on the soundtrack as more surfers start running by, and Eli excuses himself to follow them...
...and after going into the men's room, he ends up on a lovely beach. The water comes in over his shoes, and he kneels down to touch the sand...
...and then Keith comes out of a stall to find Eli kneeling with his fingers on the floor. He stands up and awkwardly sticks out his hand, but when Keith pointedly looks at it, he clumsily retracts it. Heh -- but he's not the only one who needs to wash his hands, no? Anyway, Keith's reaction can be summed up by [eyebrow], so Eli beats a hasty retreat with the knowledge that yet another person in the world thinks he's a freak.
Matt wraps up a call in his headset as he approaches his office, within which is a woman sitting waiting for him. After a mildly fratty comment, they share an affectionate embrace, but then, reading her face, he asks "Jess" what's wrong. Also, he mentions that he's her "only" ex-boyfriend, which is a nice subtle indication of the fact that she, uh, doesn't drive stick anymore. Wow, I just realized I'm less subtle than Matt. Sometimes these recaps lead to unpleasant revelations. But I will try to redeem myself by pointing out that this is another example of interesting character development -- Matt the seemingly uncaring frat boy has a loving friendship with his lesbian ex. Anyway, Matt wonders if Jess being upset has to do with the baby, so Jess tells him that "Donna" is having a breakdown, and she moved out, even though she's pregnant with a fetus that was made with Jess's egg. And why? "My former lesbian lover is now a heterosexual Jesus freak." It's probably not much consolation right now, Jess, but write a book with that title and you're on the New York Times bestseller list. Matt's pretty stunned, but when Jess tells him that Donna's seeking sole custody of the baby and has hired a lawyer, Matt replies, "Well, so have you." Aw.
Hey, Jeffrey Powell is being played by Sars's onetime boyfriend, Rob Nagle! Tom Frost, we'll never forget you, unlike everyone and everything else on What's His Name's Creek. (Of course, you might also remember him as Joel Horowitz in the Everwood episode "The Miracle Of Everwood" -- I love that Berlanti is good about bringing people back. ["And he's still my non-carnal BF. Hi, Rob!" -- Sars]) Maggie shakes his hand warmly and blathers about how she's a big fan and she wrote a paper on one of his strategies and blah, and Powell responds by turning to Eli and accusing him of trying to distract him "with a sycophant." Hee. He bites out that Maggie is the worst kind of lawyer -- "a hypocrite who pretends she cares for the common man while big business heats her pool." Maybe uncalled for, in that he's known her for three seconds, but it really does speak to the continuing question of why she works for the firm she does. I'm waiting to find out that there's some force or divine intervention that guided her to Eli, because otherwise her arc (if you can call it that) makes no sense. (And when I'm calling for divine intervention to make sense of a character, her chances are pretty grim indeed.) Everyone sits down, and Eli and Powell bicker as Maggie elicits exposition by apparently knowing nothing about the case, which is good in an attorney. The salient point is that Powell is missing a key witness named "Stanley Lime," an engineer who used to work for the defendant, "Zyer Motors," and who disappeared right before Powell could depose him five years earlier. Eli counters that it wasn't his responsibility to make the guy appear out of thin air, which I'm guessing is true, and suggests they settle. However, the number on the piece of paper Powell pushes over to him is rather too high for Eli, even though Powell tells him it's half what a jury would award "Adam Mitchell." He goes on, for "Maggie's" benefit, that last time, Adam's injuries were still fresh, and thus Eli was able to convince the judge that the mere sight of Adam would prejudice the jury, so they heard a dry recitation of his testimony. This time, however, they'll be hearing it from the horse's mouth. On cue, Adam gets wheeled in by his wife, and cordially tells Eli that it's nice to see him again. We blessedly skip any mentions of "New Eli" and go straight to the title card.
Eli comes into one of the firm's little research rooms or whatever and finds a bleary-eyed Maggie, who says she stayed all night looking for Lime. Okay, I'm no prude and I happily have never had a day job that required me to wear a suit, but since everyone else at this firm, male or female, does, why does Maggie look like she's on her way to margaritas at an outdoor brunch? Eli sets Maggie straight that she has actual work to do for their side, and reminds her that she volunteered for the assignment. Maggie: "That was before I knew we were working on the side of evil!" Seriously, is she drawn to Eli because she has brain trauma too? Because otherwise, I don't get her being quite this slow on the uptake. She babbles about SUVs that flip over and cripple people, but Eli patiently tells her there's no evidence of that. Maggie says the case is still "yucky," prompting Eli to ask if she got her law degree by watching Legally Blonde a bunch of times. Heh. The rest of Maggie's blathering isn't worth mentioning, so let's skip to the part where Patti comes over and gives Eli shit for not stopping Taylor from working at the firm. Not sure how she thinks he was supposed to influence hiring decisions, particularly since his stock has recently fallen more than Countrywide. Eli basically says this, but for no reason goes on and confesses that he slept with Taylor last week. Patti starts hitting him with a folder again until Martin appears at the door and amusedly clears his throat. Patti pulls herself together and leaves, and Martin tells Eli they've got opening statements in twenty minutes.
Matt is, seemingly reasonably, making the case that the whole egg-from-one-woman-in-another is a bit of a grey area as far as the law is concerned, and they're thus asking for joint custody. Donna's lawyer is a totally smug stereotype, and she tells them that in the absence of a surrogacy agreement, Donna has all the parental rights, including protecting the kid from any harmful influences. Wow, I'm pretty impressed with Donna here. Sure, she may have the appearance of a nearly-catatonic dementia sufferer, but it can't have been easy to dig up a female Bay Area lawyer who's quite this thrilled about putting a lesbian in her place.
Matt tells Taylor, "I need your breasts." After the obligatory decrying of sexual harassment, Matt says "chick" about sixty times before making the point that he could really use a woman up there with him. He gives the quick-and-dirty version of the case, and Taylor amusedly asks if his ex is really a lesbian. Matt: "Who isn't these days?" Let me guess: Not much luck on the dating scene lately? Matt tells her that this case is right in her family-law wheelhouse, and besides, it'll annoy Eli if they work together. That doesn't seem to be a huge selling point for Taylor, but she agrees to hear the particulars.
Close-up on a TV showing an image of a flaming, overturned SUV. Powell lugubriously tells the jury how one life can change in an instant and blah. It's then Eli's turn, and he cues up his tape...which is of Bea Arthur in the pilot episode of The Golden Girls. HA! Coco, wherefore art thou now? Seriously, I'm not the most stereotypical gay man, but I do have an enormous Golden Girls obsession, so wheeee! Eli smiles to the jury that it was a great show, but they're probably wondering what it has to do with the case. "About as much as the footage Mr. Powell just showed you." If that's true, I hope that footage was incredibly relevant. But no, we weren't seeing Adam Mitchell's car, which didn't catch fire, by the way. "That was just a stunt to make you angry at my client." Martin looks pleased, but just then, a piano kicks in, and Eli turns his head to see that a gospel choir has replaced the jury. They break into a kicking rendition of "One More Try," and people in the audience, including Maggie and Martin, start swaying to the music. Most people end up getting to their feet, and Martin is particularly awesome, holding his hands up in a "Praise be!" gesture, and I've said before that he was the best thing aboutEverwood, but this is making me want to go watch a Patch Abbott marathon. Anyway...
...the vision breaks, and suddenly Eli is just dancing and humming in front of the bemused courtroom occupants. Martin does not look quite as happy now, in case you were wondering. The judge bellows at Eli, snapping him out of it, and after a long look around, he offers, "Nothing further." Heh.
Eli is telling Chen what happened, and here's another character that needs some development, by the way. The shtick in the pilot was funny, but he's not really serving any purpose that Nate and Taylor, who know about the visions, couldn't handle. He's not really that skilled in the vision interpretation. But speaking of, he suggests that "One More Try" could represent God's wish that he do things differently this time with respect to try-ing the case once more. They talk about free will and the fact that Eli misses Taylor, and Chen then suggests that "One More Try" might be about her. Eli's like, "Make up your fucking mind, dude," which: see above.
Donna, who really seems kind of challenged, is on the stand talking about having her ultrasound and seeing the "small miracle" growing inside of her, which prompted her to, as her gross lawyer puts it, "renounce the homosexual lifestyle." Matt objects, calling that word in that context "prejudicial, closed-minded, and offensive," and while the judge snarks that it's nice to "suddenly" see Matt so supportive of gays, I've learned to take my allies where I can get them. Also, in response to the judge's remark, Matt gives a "What did I do?" gesture with his hands, which is hilarious. He jumped waaay up this week. I just want to hear him sing again. Donna jabbers some stuff that's been lifted straight out of an ex-gay pamphlet, followed by some stuff that's been lifted straight out of a born-again pamphlet, before saying that her family is once again speaking to her and welcoming her back home. "This is what I want. This is what my baby needs." Now, I feel a little bad for Donna -- she's clearly confused and being pulled in all directions -- but I want to punch that snatch of a lawyer in her throat for her smug, faux-apologetic mouthed "thank you" sent the judge's way. Matt, however, quickly establishes that there's nothing wrong with Donna's fertility, and then adds that he doesn't understand, then, why she would have gone through a costly procedure to carry "someone else's baby." Donna claims she wasn't herself, but Matt points to Bitch Attorney: "You seem to have a relatively smart lawyer there. I'm kind of surprised she hasn't told you -- that doesn't matter." Someone buy this guy a brewski!
Adam is testifying about the horror he experienced in the overturned car, saying that he was tempted to give up, and the only reason he didn't was because his cell phone rang, and he could see "Cory's" number on the caller ID. Martin whispers something to Eli as Adam goes on that he knew he had to hold on so he could dance with her at their wedding. There's a really tasteless joke in there about Jewish ceremonies, but I won't be the one to make it. When it's Eli's turn, he reads from a paper that I think is what Martin was talking to him about, saying that at the time, Adam testified that he swerved to avoid a metal object in the road. Eli swiftly establishes that Adam had been drinking at dinner (he claims it was "a few beers" and that he wasn't drunk) and that he and Cory had a fight, which is why he left. In addition, Eli has affidavits from all the police officers and EMTs that were on the scene that night, and no one reported finding the metal object that Adam allegedly tried to avoid. Eli repeats back all these points, and says that just because the SUV rolled over doesn't mean it was defective. "And it doesn't mean that your driving wasn't." Maggie: Sad face!
And now, back at the office, Maggie and her sad face are telling Eli that she doesn't want to watch this anymore, and she's going to find Lime. "Maybe he knows what's right." Take your time, honey! Eli then swivels his head to see Patti overact, "I hope you're happy with yourself." I'm thinking he is, given how likely it is that he owns a mirror. Eli: "Do any women around here like me anymore?" As if on cue, a couple rather fruity-seeming surfers go running by, and if that was meant to be a well-timed cheap laugh, it's got my approval on both counts. Eli chases the boys to the bathroom...
...and then he's out on the beach again. He walks into the water and asks a surfer where he is, and gets a "Hawaii, bra!" in response. Oh, surfer talk. A huge wave then crests over Eli...
...and then he's lying on the floor with a worried Taylor, Patti, and some randoms over him. Apparently someone got him out of the bathroom and back to Patti's desk, and I'm no EMT just like I'm no lawyer, but dragging someone who just collapsed halfway across the office doesn't seem like the indicated play. Taylor goes to call Nate, but Matt Letscher is sadly on vacation this week, so Eli has to grab Taylor and beg her not to. Taylor points out the difficulty of covering this up, given that fifty or so people saw him unconscious. Eli: "I say I've been doing a cleanse and I got lightheaded." I'll have to remember that one. He tells her what he saw, and then sheepishly offers that at least his visions aren't her problem anymore. She, of course, tells him that she wants him to be her problem, and he responds by asking her if she joined the firm because of him. Taylor, as usual, doesn't back down: "You make it sound pathetic. I don't think it's pathetic to fight for something that's important to you. Something that's the most important." I've seen people fighting for things that were pretty pathetic, but the novelty of hate mail wore off a while ago so I'm not going to mention names here. She says she's going to be there every day until he gives them -- "One more try," he finishes. He stammers that if she's free the night, he'd like to talk things out over dinner, and she smiles and accepts his invitation before leaving. Watch out for Patti and that purple folder!
So the attorneys in the "How Many Mommies Do I Have Again?" case are heading into the judge's chambers, with Matt and Taylor protesting about some waiver that's just surfaced. Yes, apparently Jess signed a paper giving away all parental rights to any child resulting from her egg donation. I guess the show is telling us that Jess signed it without reading it or understanding what it meant, but that seems awfully lame to me, even if it is normal procedure for this sort of thing. The judge gets an "open and shut" look on her face...
...and then a desperate Jess is asking if visitation will at least be possible, but of course the answer is no, and Matt huskily tells her that she should start preparing herself for the possibility that she won't be part of the baby's life. Jess, heartbroken, leans on his shoulder, but he tells her she has other options -- "You could have another baby, with someone who loves you. I could just donate some of my boys...heck, if you want, I could even do it the old-fashioned way." Not a sentence I'd normally "aw" at, but I think this is about as sensitive as Matt gets. Jess smiles through her tears and tells him how sweet he is under his fratty exterior, but she wants the baby she made with the woman she loves. Matt looks a little bummed, which is a nice touch too. Good episode for Sam Jaeger here. He recovers to smile and say, "Right."
Cory is now on the stand, talking about how she gave up her career when she realized that Adam would need round-the-clock care, although she makes it sound like that's still true, which from what we've seen of Adam doesn't appear to be the case at all. Also, I have to tell you, I'm doubting Powell's legal acumen if this is the best he can do. Where's the, you know, case against the company? Anything to do with, you know, the car? Eli gets up and announces that phone records show that after Adam left the bar, she tried him seven times in a twelve-minute period, and points out that that's indicative of their having had more than just a simple fight. The judge overrules an objection from Powell, so Eli presses on and asks why, if he wasn't that drunk and the fight wasn't a big deal, it was so urgent that she get in touch with him. She admits that he was angry and he was on the road in darkness, and -- "He'd had too much to drink?" Eli supplies. Cory admits that that's possible, and Eli looks immediately regretful. But Eli is actually arguing his case, you know? He's providing a logical explanation for the events of the evening beyond the car being defective. What evidence is Powell bringing to the table?
Back at the office, Maggie takes far too many words to cheerily tell Eli that she's tracked down Stanley Lime...kind of. What she's actually discovered, through a call to an HR person at Zyer, is the identity of the person Lime met with right before he disappeared, and would Eli like to know who it was? Eli: "Martin Posner." If I were Maggie, I'd be hella pissed that I spent countless hours unearthing information of which Eli was already aware. But I'm not, so HA! Maggie asks why Eli didn't do something at the time, but Eli points out that it would have been illogical to try to convince Posner to produce a witness he obviously went to great lengths to hide. Maggie's aghast, but Eli thankfully points out what company they work for and the m.o. of same. Maggie: "If you think that, then why do you work here? I thought you had changed!" Eli: "Why do you work here? I may be trying to change and I might not be pulling it off lately, but at least I know what this place is!" Point to Eli -- he's negotiating this road imperfectly but humanly, but Maggie really doesn't have much of an excuse here. Eli goes on that Maggie might be a better lawyer if she saw things as they actually are, which is ironic coming from a guy who can't round a corner without tripping over a gospel choir or a buff surfer. Speaking of which, Maggie stomps out, and Eli looks regretful again, but there's no time to dwell on that, as the music starts once more. Eli looks through the blinds of his office and sees the choir descending the stairs. He happily comes out into their midst, and behind him, someone starts singing the first verse. He turns, and...it's Patti, dressed in a flashy red sequined dress. And this is the event to which I referred earlier, because I can't completely hate someone who can sing this well. You may not know that Loretta Devine was in Dreamgirls on Broadway, but this is clearly her voice, and the performance is not only lovely, but sassy! In a good way! The vision fades...
...and then Eli is asking Patti if she's a member of a gospel choir. Patti considers that, and then rips Eli for apparently having such a stereotypical view of her. I'd have more sympathy if she weren't saying the line sassily with a capital S. When Eli brings up Lime, however, Patti's demeanor changes, although she doesn't volunteer any information right away, instead just asking what he's on about. He wistfully says he's been making noises about changing, but he's still "pond scum," and goes on that "Old Eli" surfaced in court earlier, "savaging" a paraplegic's wife. I'd not saying you can't feel bad, Eli, but I saw greater savagery in my high school's mock trials. Eli goes on about Martin hiding the key witness, and how he wants to do the right thing. Patti, with intention: "I've waited five years to hear you say that." She tells him not to ask how or why she knows, but: "I know where Stanley Lime is."
Eli rushes out to Maggie and tells her to get her stuff and meet him downstairs in ten minutes -- their flight leaves in an hour. "You were right. That's the last time I'm gonna say it." I'll take a piece of that action. Unfortunately, Eli runs smack into Taylor and has to tell her that he needs to postpone their talk, and Taylor's unhappiness at that revelation is compounded by Maggie running up and asking if she should pack an overnight bag. Taylor brightly but sarcastically tells them not to work too hard, and runs away. Give me a break, Taylor -- after all that talk about fighting for your relationship, you're threatened by Maggie? I know you haven't heard her in a staff meeting yet, but still. When Taylor's gone, Maggie winces and asks, "No overnight bag?" Eli groans his way into the commercial break.
Taylor comes into Matt's office, surprised that he's still there, and he admits he hasn't been able to find anything that "trumps the waiver," which Taylor clarifies would be anything that proves Donna intended to stay with Jess. Matt: "I've learned more about lesbian love than I ever cared to know, and believe me when I tell you, that's a high bar." Taylor laughs in spite of herself and asks if he wants to grab a drink, and after some obligatory piggish comments, he produces a bottle of something, and Taylor sits down. They commiserate about wanting people you can't have, but when Matt expresses his disbelief that Eli let her go, she reflexively and defensively says he hasn't, and adds that they're still working things out. Matt: "The only thing worse than losing the love of your life is having her find the love of hers." He mentions the roles he plays for Jess now, such as therapist and relationship coach, but it's the one of "cameraman" that gets Taylor's attention -- Matt recorded the My Two Mommies Baby Shower, and Taylor wants that tape. Matt's face: "Tell me you're not switching teams on me too!"
So now the incredible mystery of how Eli and Maggie came to be in Hawaii is solved! It's tough holding your breath for forty-five minutes! As they walk on the beach, Maggie is babbling something about how they're going to find Lime, who apparently owns a surf shack. Eli: "The town's about a block long, Veronica Mars." Now, obviously Julie Gonzalo was on VM, so the fact that that was my show is incidental, but if AB Chao wasn't giggling when that line got penned, I've missed my guess entirely. Anyway, Eli grins when he sees the name of the nearing shack: "Gospel Of Surf." Oh, show.
The citrus fruit in question is wondering why they're there, given that their firm engineered his disappearance. He mentions The Insider as a "pretty accurate depiction of what happens to whistleblowers in this country," and adds that he never should have submitted one particular report. On further questioning, he tells them that the purpose of the report was a "rollover propensity evaluation." He found that Zyer was only testing the rollover frequency on vehicles with fully pressured tires, but obviously, tires are not always going to be optimally filled. His report, however, was buried, and it was only a few months later that Posner came to him with a check for two million bucks "and a few suggestions about how I might want to spend it." Here's another: recapper bonus? Lime says he won't testify, as he likes his new life. I don't actually know the answer to this, but it seems worth asking -- now that he's been found, couldn't he be subpoenaed? Eli, however, says Lime testifying won't be necessary...
...and the reason why is that Eli surreptitiously recorded the conversation. That must have been a pretty great little cassette recorder to get Lime's voice so loud and clear there, but I will give points for the sound of the surf on the tape. Eli has just played the tape for Martin and the Zyer CEO; Martin says he has two reactions, and the first is, Eli's fired. "I don't care what piece of paper Jordan signed." I've been waiting to hear you say that, Martin. The second point is that the tape is hearsay and inadmissible, but Eli babbles at Martin for a while about how he's just doing his job and they wouldn't want any further investigation, but he does mention the words "valid subpoena," and given that, I don't know why he didn't arrange to anonymously arrange for Lime's whereabouts to be made known to Powell. He could have dodged the wrath of his superiors and stayed off that sweltering Hawaii beach! Martin asks, with a disbelieving smile, if Eli is really blackmailing him and one of his clients, but Eli prefers to think of it as a "limitation of liability." It's good he's being glib, otherwise I'd have to point out that if Eli really wanted to limit the firm's liability, he'd resign, effective before this show even started. Eli suggests a large settlement, and Martin, the smile now gone, suggests as an alternative, he throw the tape away. Eli laughs (really overplaying your hand, kid) and says he doubts he'll be doing that. Maggie gives him a "You've come a long way, baby" look that makes me wish Martin indulged his petty side and canned her in lieu of Eli.
Taylor and Matt are playing the tape of the shower, on which Donna is thanking everyone for coming to their "egg party," and then expressing especial gratitude to Jess for giving her "a piece of herself." She tells Jess, calling her "honey," that she'll always have her heart. Matt informs the court that the video was shot after Donna claimed she was going back to church and was having doubts about her relationship. He tells the judge she has two choices -- give Jess equal parental rights, "or give [Donna] an Oscar." Please, not the latter -- it's been a whole week since the ceremony and I still don't think I've fully woken up.
Maggie happily pushes the settlement offer to Powell, and Eli lets us know that it's five million. Powell's suspicious, given that the trial is going well for Eli, but Eli simply tells him that Maggie prevailed on Zyer to do the right thing. "She can be very persistent." Powell basically offers her a job on the spot, but Maggie turns him down OH MY GOD WHY. Goofy smiles and handshakes all around, and then Maggie picks some lint off Eli's suit. I don't like that direction, I have to tell you, even though Eli's bound to get a lot of stuff on his clothes with all the random swooning he does. There's some nonsense about muffins...
...and then Martin's at Eli's door, placidly accusing Patti of being responsible for the Zyer fiasco. She asks what he's talking about, so he closes the door: "Do not insult my considerable intelligence, Patricia." Hee. Loretta Devine puts just a little apprehension behind her character's normal sassiness, a touch I really liked. This week's script is bringing people's games up, I tell you what. Speaking of, Martin reveals what's going on as he asks if Patti hasn't punished him enough. His voice breaks (!) the tiniest bit as he goes on that she's barely acknowledged his existence -- in five years. Patti, however, has regrets of her own -- she knew what Martin did with Lime was wrong, but she was falling for him, so she looked the other way. Then, apparently, she couldn't live with herself, so she ended things with him. This is all news to Martin, and he steps forward and asks, now that it's behind them, if there's a chance to give this..."One more try?" Patti finishes. I am a sucker for well-constructed parallels. Patti wistfully says she's sorry, but no. Martin smiles though his heart is breaking, and when he's gone, Patti exhales raggedly. Good scene.
The judge announces her verdict -- while the letter of the law is clear that the waiver is binding, she's going to go with the spirit of the law, which is that "the party's true intentions be honored." I'm not sure how ridiculous this is, which is good enough for me to let it pass without further comment. Anyway, joint custody is awarded, and she also enjoins Donna from leaving the Bay Area. The happy moment doesn't last, though, as Donna comes over and says that she, her family, and her minister discussed this eventuality, and...she pauses here, and for a horrible moment I thought she was going to say she was going to abort the child, even though once I thought about it, I realized that she probably couldn't legally do that in light of the ruling here, not to mention the fact that she looks like she's in her third trimester and is probably pro-life now anyway. But what she is going to do is go home to Ohio after the baby is born and relinquish full custody of the baby (it's a boy, by the way) to Jess. Jess crumbles as it hits her that Donna's really leaving her for good, and they both stifle sobs as Donna disappears.
Eli is apologizing to Taylor and saying that it "wasn't what it looked like" with Maggie. I just really don't know what the big deal is, but Eli does add that he'd rather "pull out his nostril hair" than spend six hours on a plane with Maggie. Dude, I've seen how meticulously you keep your apartment. I wouldn't be surprised if you pulled out your nostril hair every day. Taylor wonders if she could ever keep Eli happy, and I suppose I can buy her having some doubts, but it still seems pretty weak if this was all precipitated by him missing a dinner for a case. It's not like they can't talk things out now, right? Well, not now, because Patti comes in and tells Eli that Jordan needs to see him on the double...
...and Martin is in with Jordan when Eli enters. Martin quickly informs him that the Zyer CEO filed a grievance with the state bar, and Jordan clarifies: "Your literal song and dance in court was the basis for his complaint." Come on, his act wasn't that bad. But Jordan says it called into question Eli's fitness to practice law, and the bar appointed a prosecutor who's quickly been able to establish that the Zyer trial wasn't his only incident. "She's recommended they initiate disbarment proceedings against you, Eli." Wouldn't it be a neat twist if the Zyer guy filed the motion at Martin's suggestion? Anyway: DUN!
I'm out for two weeks -- see you in three!