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Okay, it was sort of hard for me not to get choked up over the final scene in this episode, but I'm a booklover, so it goes with the territory. That said, every scene with Maggie still had me screaming blue murder at the set. And then she goes and kisses him?! The hell? Peeps, we haven't been convinced that Maggie's existence on this show is even justified, much less that she has any chemistry with Eli! Ugh.
Anyway, the bones of the episode has Eli representing a teen who wants to sue a hospital for his mother's death. However, since he's been demoted, Jordan assigns Maggie to Eli's case as senior counsel. (And yes, it's as annoying as it sounds, especially when Maggie takes her Cute Overload and amps it to Cute Overdose, killing everyone within a thirty-mile radius.) A twist comes when the hospital, who employed the deficient anesthesiologist -- now since fired -- also wants their pound of flesh from other hospital who covered up the anesthesiologist's record when they foisted him on them. Eli decides that they will represent both the kid and the hospital (the second one, not the first) and sue the other hospital (the first, lying one). Another twist! The first hospital is Nathan's hospital! Things get more and more complex until Eli sees his brother as a St. George-type knight, fighting the dragon of his vision. Eli gets the necessary info from his brother, which Maggie uses to bluff in court, trapping Nathan's hospital into admitting that Dr. Agon (the negligent anesthesiologist, see: dragon) was a complete mess.
Oh, and the news on the Jayson Turk case is that there's really no way to save the ballplayer's punctured ass, so Dowd and Bennett break the news that their client has to plead temporary insanity. Since that plea will also include Turk admitting to steroid use, he's still denying, Turk is not thrilled but he'll think about it.
In water-cooler gossip, Taylor finally stands up to Patti and threatens her job, but it's all for naught. That's right, Patti's back being Eli's assistant by the end of the episode due to the fact that some bigwig client specifically wants Eli to represent him. This also joins Taylor and Eli on the same case, which is a bit awkward since Taylor took Eli to a George Michael concert (for real! No visions!) and then told him that she thinks they need to keep their distance at the office. All signs pointed to Eli is thinking he probably sort of maybe wants to get back together with Taylor, so there's the awkward. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Eli drags his irritated super all over his apartment, insisting that he smells a "gaseous-like substance." The super gripes that he's been standing there for the last forty-five minutes, listening to Eli sniff. Eli ignores this and goes all oenophile as he describes the smell as "like smoke but there's, like, a fishy quality to it." (What the hell us up with Word's spellcheck not thinking "oenophile" is a word?) The super smells nothing. Eli leads the way to his bedroom, opens his closet door and hears growling. The super does not hear the growling. While the super exclaims over Eli's linen blazer, Eli parts his clothes and sees a dragon. The super does not see a dragon. The dragon spews fire, Eli screams, and runs out, tackling his super to safety. OK, Eli? There are ways to tell when you're having a vision. Your boss singing and dancing? Vision. A dragon in your closet? Vision. Now, when you get these subtle little tips of unreality, it might be a good idea to stop and say to yourself, "OK, there's a dragon in my closet. I think it's a vision, so I'm going to just act normal in front of other people and deal with it later." The super is even more irritated than before the body slam and stomps out, swearing never to unclog Eli's toilet again.When Patti brings Eli coffee and messages the morning, Eli comments that Taylor might get a bit annoyed by her attentions. "I'd like to see her try and say something to me!" Patti carps. OK, but why, Patti? Really, why? All of Eli's messages are from the same guy, Peter Johnson, who is going a bit overboard with reconfirming their lunch meeting that day. Eli is in the midst of complaining about the scut work everyone's making him do when Dowd comes over. He tells Eli he's sorry about "the whole aneurysm thing" and then hands Eli more scut work to do, winking condescendingly, "Thanks buddy."
Back at Patti's desk, Taylor's still trying the nice route when dealing with Patti. However, she had yet another call go straight to voicemail and she also needs to know when her meetings are. "You mean like the Wednesday morning meeting that's going on right now? So, hurry on -- don't be late," Patti sneers. Taylor squares her shoulders and tries not to explode.
In the meeting, Jordan drops the name "Arvin Salinkski" and suddenly everyone gets all E.F. Hutton attentive. (Love the Alias shout out, by the way.) Jordan eyes Eli and says that due to extenuating circumstances, they need a new senior lawyer on the case. Maggie makes a big show of moving away from Eli and putting some rando lawyer between them. Whatever, Mags, no one cares where you stand. Off-camera would be ideal. Jordan tells the lawyers to all become experts on the case and one of them will get to senior it though. Jordan asks for an update on the Turk case and instead of new info, we just get reminded about what the case is all about. Meanwhile, Eli is distracted by dragon shadows flying around the room. (Vision, Eli, VISION!) Jordan's instructions to Dowd and Bennett are drowned out by the vibrations the flying dragon is causing. (Eli, no one else is reacting to this, you shouldn't either!) Too late, Eli screams "Holy mother of GOD!" and does a full-body flying leap across the room, flopping on the floor. Everyone stares. Eli jumps up and makes a time-out sign with his hands, "I'm sorry, aneurysm time-out." I wonder how many times he can get away with that. If he ever cheats on Taylor, can he claim, "Aneurysm moment!"?
Eli meets his client, Peter Johnson, and it's a fifteen-year-old kid. Peter tells Eli that he googled him and that his name is all over the law blogs. Is that an Arrested Development shout out? Eli makes a joke about Peter wanting to sue the cafeteria to put French fries back on the menu. Eli, dude, you're in San Francisco. If anything, the kid would be suing to take fries off the menu to be replaced with Dirty Girl carrot sticks and June Taylor Meyer lemon marmalade. "My mom died," Peter buzzkills. He wants to sue the doctor who killed her. When his mom went in for a routine hernia operation last year, the anesthesiologist, Dr. Agon, didn't check her charts, gave her the wrong anesthesia, and his mom had a heart attack on the table. Peter has plunked a very thick file on the table. He's been to six lawyers already. "So you know what I'm about to tell you?" Eli asks. "Malpractice is very difficult to prove," Peter nods. Peter's dad isn't involved in any of this, because it was always just Peter and his mom and now it's just Peter and his grandmother. Peter goes on about other cases that got seven figure settlements, and he knows that with Eli and the firm's resources behind them -- Eli interrupts Peter to break the news that he got "kind of demoted," and the firm won't let him take on new cases. But then! Eli's eye and finger fall on the name of the anesthesiologist, "Dr. Agon." (Yes, I know I spelled it out before, but this is the first time Eli's seeing it spelled out, and now he no longer needs his vision spelled out, you dig?) "Dragon," Eli says. "No, his name's Agon," Peter corrects, starting to think he googled the wrong lawyer. "I guess I should get his name right because I'm going to be suing him." Once Eli's done with him, Dr. Agon will be setting up a practice in Middle-Earth where his name belongs.
Back at the office, Eli seeks to sell Maggie on the case. Maggie, stalking down the hall in a dress that I seriously wore to a black tie wedding last year, is more interested in carping that Eli doesn't really care about others and how he's just "sucking up to God" than she is in finding out more about the case. Lady, I don't know who your God is, but I recently read in the Bible that God doesn't really require sucking up. He just forgives all the time. Maggie has no intention of helping Eli or the kid and tells Eli, "Go find another peon to pee on." You just know she's been waiting for months to use that line on someone. Oh, and hey, Maggie? Maybe you should stop being so interested in pointing the judgey finger and look at the four pointing back at you, because ignoring the plight of a motherless kid just to spite Eli is pretty petty. Eli sort of says that but without the hate and convinces Maggie to help him and the motherless kid.
Maggie has to convince Jordan to allow her, a first-year associate, to take the case. Jordan reminds her of the firm's policy against such allowances. Maggie starts to blather, "Yes, but I wouldn't be trying the case alone. Eli -- Mr. Stone -- is --" "Dead to me," Jordan growls. "And properly, so, sir," Maggie continues, without missing a boot-licking beat, and goes on about Eli still being a senior associate, due in no small part to Jordan's munificence and therefore still able to practice law. Jordan accedes that flattery and loopholes are the fastest way to his heart and allows Maggie to take the case with Eli. However, there's a small wrinkle: Maggie has to "first chair." Cutting through Maggie's ensuing splutterings, Jordan points out that Eli is on probation, "If he so much as sneezes in open court, you will be held responsible." Meaning: Eli can't be fired, but Maggie can. Sneeze, Eli! Sneeze!
The morning, Maggie is predictably kerfuffled and doing stuff like not sleeping, wearing two different shoes, and prattling on endlessly about it. She also complains that Taylor has been staring daggers at her ever since the two of them went to Hawaii together. Gee, if you're so worried about that, Maggie, then why do you lose all control and kiss him later? Yeah. Thought not. Personally, I think Maggie just brought up Taylor to get Eli to call her his "ex-fiancée," but that's the bitch in me talking. After going all high-pitched about Eli calling her paranoid -- which he didn't, like, at all -- Eli says, "Oh, yeah, this isn’t going to get old." It already is, dude. It already is. We then segue into Maggie giving Eli all sorts of jobs to do, but he's already done every single one of them as well as set up a deposition at the hospital. Reminding him that she's lead counsel, Maggie gets annoyed that he scheduled a depo. "You're right," Eli says blandly, "With your job in danger, of course you'd want to make all the decisions without any input whatever from me." Maggie -- for whom irony is just a metal, sort of like goldy -- nods authoritatively, "Well, scheduling the depo was a smart idea -- good initiative." She's stumped about what to do , so Eli tells her to borrow some shoes, get her notes, and meet him back there in five minutes. Maggie runs off.
Turk Case. Dowd and Bennett are talking Turk into meeting with Sweren personally, and we learn that Mrs. Turk has "kind of moved out." When Dowd offers his sympathies -- I'm shocked he doesn't go all, "bitches, man!" -- Turk says, "It wasn't exactly her choice. I kinda helped her pack." Bennett suggests that it wouldn't be the worst thing for the two Turks to reconcile, especially if they go to trial. Turk gets all antsy about the idea of going to trial because, apparently Dowd promised it wouldn't be necessary. Before they can get into Bennett's point, an underling runs in with a DVD from the ADA. Bennett sighs that the ADA isn't coming, and they play the DVD. It shows Turk at batting practice -- or spring training or the company's softball playoffs or some such baseball stuff -- precisely aiming foul balls at a tank of water. Ruh-roh! Bennett goes on about how their defense for Turk's case was going to be "who in the world could hit a ball accurately enough to kill?" and now they need to discuss options. Turk gets pissed and leaves, saying they're his lawyers, so they need to figure it out. Dowd and Bennett go though another round of loud disagreeing on the case. Dowd wants them to enter a not guilty plea, and Bennett thinks he needs to get over his Jayson Turk lunchbox and deal with the reality of the case. As they're going before their judge tomorrow, Dowd asks, "If we can get the [DVD] excluded, will you get behind a straight acquittal?" "That's a pretty huge if," Bennett tells him quietly.
Maggie's questioning of Cypress Memorial Hospital gets off to a rocky start, so the Chief Administrator cuts to the chase and says she fired Dr. Agon's ass after Mrs. Johnson's death and then set about trying to figure out why they hired the idiot in the first place. "Why --?" Eli starts to ask, but when Maggie glares at him, he continues, "Is my favorite vowel," and continues doodling on his legal pad. The hospital administrator elaborates on that Agon came highly recommended from St. Vincent's Hospital and they didn't hear any of the rumors about him until after Mrs. Johnson's death. "What rumors?" Maggie pipes up. Negligence, malpractice, and a mortality rate 15% higher than the norm. "The truth is," hospital admin continues, "St. Vincent's unloaded this guy on us. They knew about Agon's track record and covered it up because they were exposed all over the place." Maggie says they can't blame another hospital for malpractice committed at theirs. "You wanna sue us? Go ahead! Shut me down. I haven't slept in three years. Of course, you'll be depriving the community of the only ER in twenty miles." Eli speaks up again with a better idea, "We drop our lawsuit against your hospital, and you retain us as counsel. Peter Johnson will be your co-plaintiff." Maggie blusters and scolds and asks who they are suing. Eli says, "St. Vincent's. My client and your hospital both suffered because St. Vincent's lied by omission." The hospital admin is in and asks what the step is. "I avoid getting killed by my brother -- St. Vincent's is his hospital." Eli goes back to doodling.
And now the fireworks. Nathan comes slamming into Eli's law library asking, "Dude, what the hell?!" Eli tries to talk calmly and defensively, but Nate is all fired up because he spent the morning in the chief of staff's office listening to him lose his mind because "some jackass" is suing their hospital for malpractice committed at someone else's hospital. Eli offers that he didn't name Nate in the lawsuit. Nate goes on that it doesn't matter, "What we don't need is to be dragged into court because some -- [Nate tries to get control of himself] because someone is looking to make a buck." Now Eli's mad. "St. Vincent's dumped this guy, Nate, and a fifteen-year-old's mom died because of it. So, you can go back and you can tell your boss that you tried your best, but the money-grubbing ambulance chaser that you're related to? Just couldn't be swayed." Nate breathes hard and slams out.
Anyway, in a judge's chambers that appears to be existing within SF's city hall, Bennett and Sweren argue over whether the DVD should be excluded from the case. The judge cuts through the bullshit by asking Sweren, "You pin your case on anonymously sourced video -- did you really imagine there wouldn't be a motion to exclude?" Meanwhile, the judge hasn't granted anything because she hasn't heard Bennett and Dowd's argument. She does so now. Dowd plays the DVD saying, "Evidence is only admissible if it's more reliable than prejudicial. And here it's not reliable because it's digital." The DVD plays and we see Turk aim and hit the water jug on the foul line again. However, this time, when Turk turns around to face the camera, he's wearing Sweren's face. Sweren complains that it's a stunt, something the judge agrees with, adding, "But it's a good one." The judge rules that without the author of the video, she can't allow it and grants Bennett and Dowd's motion to exclude.
Eli's case. The Chief Administrator of St. Vincent's hospital takes the stand and submits to Maggie's questioning. Of course, Maggie doesn't really know what she's doing and requires hand prompts from Eli to tell her what to do. We learn that the Chief Administrator gave Dr. Agon a glowing recommendation, calling his record "unassailable," and that Cypress Memorial heard nothing of the three deaths involving Dr. Agon because the anesthesiologist was cleared of all charges at St. Vincent's Morbidity and Mortality conference. Maggie asks for the transcripts to the M and M conference, but the lawyer for St. Vincent's reminds everyone that under Evidence Code 1157, peer review transcripts are inadmissible. Maggie then taunts the Chief Admin that three deaths in two months can't be anything other than unlucky, and the Chief Admin gets irritated that she's sullying Agon's reputation. "You mean, attacking his record?" Maggie clarifies, looking immensely proud of herself. "Yes!" the Chief Admin agrees. "Well, if I'm doing that, it's not exactly unassailable, is it?" Maggie asks, stumping the Chief Admin. This pleases Maggie greatly and she walks back to her seat barely able to keep her bra from bursting with pride. Eli looks quietly pleased. I don't get it.
Back at the office, Maggie demands, "How awesome was I today?" Eli tells her she was "awesomely awesome." Calm down, she's no Hawkins. Maggie burbles proudly on that she was inside Eli's head -- maybe THAT'S his problem! Forget aneurysms, he's got a Maggie tumor! -- and she made up a song about first chairing. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! Thank god Eli doesn't want to hear it, "probably ever," so neither do we. Eli gives Maggie more tips for the day and in the middle of all this, Maggie gazes soulfully into his eyes and apologizes for how she reacted to his aneurysm. Eli thanks her and asks uncomfortably what this has to do with their case. "You really care about it," Maggie explains, still being way too shiny and happy for the contents of my stomach, "Not just about winning, you care about winning it for Peter. You're right: you're an object of ridicule, a professional pariah reduced to barely practicing law." Again, Eli thanks her. Maggie shrugs, saying she realizes, "If you're sucking up to God, there are better ways." Eli says that he and God have a "complicated" relationship but at least he's starting to believe in what He wants him to do, "It's like I see things now, you know? Things that were always there but that I just never noticed before." Maggie's gazing at him, thinking, "Like me!" but she says, "Like people who need help?" Yeah, that's still you. Eli nods and adds teasingly, "Including high-anxiety, borderline competent junior associates." "Borderline competent" is still borderline incompetent. "Well," Maggie says, adopting a bedroom voice, "At least I'm borderline now." Eli's phone rings, interrupting what was getting to be a very nauseating scene. It's Taylor, and she has a surprise for him, so she was hoping he'd be free tomorrow night. Maggie hears Eli say, "Tomorrow night -- looking forward to it!" and gets all chagrined.
The day, Dr. Agon himself is on the stand. He goes on about medicine not being an exact science and how he was cleared by a very thorough investigation. "This 'thorough investigation' being the M and M conference, which is shrouded behind a veil of secrecy," Maggie retorts, drawing an objection from St. Vincent's lawyer. Dr. Agon, however, would like to respond because he actually petitioned the hospital to release the transcripts since it was his reputation on the line. Maggie looks back at Eli and gets some coaching before she goes on to ask what "malignant hypothermia" is, it being deemed the cause of death by the hospital's pathology department. Dr. Agon explains that on rare occasions, a patient has a fatal reaction to the anesthesia, which causes their temperature to spike and their heart to stop. "And it's completely unforeseeable, like [Maggie pretends to struggle for a comparison] lightning?" she asks. Dr. Agon agrees. "So, what you're saying is that three of your patients just happened to be struck by lightning?" Maggie pursues. Dr. Agon gets grave and tells her that her metaphor belittles the "very real human tragedy here." Maggie gets desperate in her questioning and brings up Dr. Agon's six-month privilege suspension from the OR. "Yes, because I was on sabbatical, not suspension. I took six months off to finish my book, Principles of Anesthesia, which is now being taught in medical schools across the country," Dr. Agon explains and then looks at Peter to say, "I'm sorry for your loss, son, and more than anything in this world, I wish I could bring your mom back." Peter, totally confused and disturbed, looks to Eli who doesn't meet his gaze.
Outside the courtroom, Maggie wonders if that was as big a disaster as she thinks it was. "No, it could be worse," Eli assures her, "it could be still going on." Peter comes up and gets annoyed with Eli that "she" is doing all the talking. Eli explains that he and Maggie are a team and they aren't done fighting for his justice. Peter muses that going to court was supposed to "make it all better," but he feels even worse now. Eli reminds Peter that no amount of money is going to make Peter feel better because what he wants is justice. Peter nods. "Well, that's the promise I'm going to make to you -- I won't stop until you get it, okay?" Eli says.
Bennett and Dowd go in for another round of arguing about their case. Bennett is annoyed that Dowd refuses to see the danger of having Mrs. Turk as a witness for the prosecution. Unless I hear that Mrs. Turk is being played by Marlene Dietrich, my interest in this case will have completely evaporated before week. Bicker, bicker, bicker. Bennett calls Turk a murderer and then says it doesn't matter what he thinks. Dowd waxes hero-worshippy and calls Turk the greatest catcher since Johnny Bench, "He's a national treasure" and that's why he thinks no one will convict him. Bennett delivers some hard facts, "The DA believes they have the crime of the century here. They're prosecuting an overpaid celebrity, they've got over a hundred-thousand witnesses to the crime, and now they got his own wife testifying against him." Bennett tells Dowd to ask himself if he wants to be Turk's friend or if he wants to keep him out of jail.
At a dinner theatre, Eli tells Taylor he's glad she called because he loves surprises. "At three thousand dollars a ticket you better," Taylor brags. You know what? I don't particularly like any of the women in this show. I feel sorry for Taylor, but I don't really like her, I can't stand Maggie, and I'm totally confused to the point of annoyance by Patti. That sort of blows, you know? Eli chokes on the price tag and asks, "Is Jimmy Hendrix playing?" Yeah…they reanimated his corpse, sent it to rehab, and are propping him up on stage -- all for three thousand dollars. Taylor tells Eli the money is for charity, and that her career took an upturn today, so she can afford it. She's just dying to brag some more, isn't she? "What kind of upturn?" Eli can't help but ask. Taylor does that teeth grit-bottom lip flare thing, as if she's hesitant to tell him -- which she isn't -- and says she got the Salinski case. I wonder when the other lawyers are going to start rioting over Jordan's continued and obvious nepotism. Eli insists that he couldn't be happier for her, and for some reason that lets all the air out of Taylor's brag balloon. Eli notes this, saying, "You seem disappointed that I'm not disappointed." Seriously, and what does that say about her? Taylor says that she's just surprised and confused, "I was prepared for disappointed or jealous or even angry, but 'couldn't be happier' kind of throws me a little." Eli doesn't know why it should. Taylor explains, "I guess it wasn't that long ago when you would've been upset." I think she's the one who's upset -- 'surprised and confused,' feh! -- because her ex-fiancé is not the jealous angerball he once was. Eli shrugs that he's in a different place in his life now, and again, this news seems to bother Taylor. She tosses her hair and clarifies, "Different place from me." They stare mistily at each other as the lights go down. Taylor begins to clap half-heartedly. George Michael strolls across the stage, looking a bit too Bono-y in those weird sunglasses. As everyone cheers and claps around him, Eli -- once again unable to determine from the actions of those around him the difference between reality and visionality -- groans, "Oh, not now, please!" Taylor looks at him in surprise, though she can't be too surprised since the reason why she brought him was because of his George Michael visions. And speaking of that, did anyone else find it sort of a mean-ish joke to spring this on him? I don't know, something about him having an aneurysm that could drop him at any moment would keep me from waging any sort of shock and awe campaign on Eli. But that's just me. Taylor just smiles and waits for Eli to figure it out himself. As Eli drops his head in frustration, George Michael takes the mike and thanks them all for coming before launching into "Older." And of course, the lyrics are all Appropriate Jones with the whole "something good has happened to me" and "I'm letting go/you'll be fine" and "I'm not the man you want." This is about where Eli finally clues in and turns to Taylor with a big smile. He laughs, "This is incredible!" Taylor nods and says with a catch in her voice, "Full circle." They look mistily at each other again and then settle back to listen to the music. An extra behind Taylor is swaying a bit too much, but Taylor, man, Taylor does some slight chair dancing with a really sour and skeptical look on her face. Maybe she's noticing, like me, that George Michael needs to shave off the stubble because with the cold, bluish light and the grey suit, he looks very monochromatic. I know we're all getting old, George, but there's no reason to look like you're suffering from dioxin poisoning.
Outside, Taylor tells Eli she thought he might enjoy the real thing. "Yeah, I thought I was never going to get to see George Michael when he wasn't standing on my coffee table," Eli notes. Taylor observes that Eli seeing George Michael in his visionality marked the beginning of the end for them, so it was appropriate to bring him to the charity concert. Eli starts to say, "Listen, Taylor --" But she interrupts him to say that she thinks they need to give each other breathing room at the office. Eli looks sort of surprised and disappointed, so when Taylor apologizes for interrupting and asks what he wanted to say, I think he's lying when he says he was going to say the same thing, "But just less concisely and with none of the right words." Taylor forces a closed-mouth smile and they hug goodnight. After Taylor cabs off, Eli meanders on the street until he hears growling. He looks up to see a dragon flying low and right at him, so he tackles some cement and stays there as a knight in shining armor gallops up and fights the dragon, scaring it off. The knight turns to Eli and lifts his visor, showing himself to be Nate.
Eli pounds on the real, un-knighted Nate's door. Nate groans and yanks the door open only to have his brother babble, "You're a knight!" Nate corrects him, "No, it is night -- it's like two in the morning, or something." Wait, how long did it take Eli to get himself over to his brother's place? The concert couldn't have ended much past midnight, right? Eli follows Nate into the living room and explains about his visions of the dragon and Brave Sir Nate and Dr. Agon equaling "dragon" when you Electric Company it together. "Dr" "Agon" "DRAGON!" Remember those? South Park's pastiching them now. Eli insists that since Nate is the knight who slew the dragon that must mean that Nate knows something about Dr. Agon that would help his case. Nate calls Eli delusional, which prompts Eli to ask how he knew Nate's patient was going to die or how he knew about the song Nate and Dad Stone sang on their all-important fishing trip. Nate, too crabby to believe in prophets or higher powers at this point, calls them all "massive coincidences that totally blew my mind." He also adds that he was hammered at the time. Eli demands to know what Nate knows about his case. Nate just looks down, and Eli realizes, "You were at Agon's M and M conference." Nate reminds Eli that he can't talk about it. Eli boggles, "Were you part of the cover-up?" "No -- god, no!" Nate exclaims, "And yeah, I thought the guy was incompetent. One of the nurses called him 'the lawsuit in scrubs,' but I had no idea they had lied about his record." Nate goes on that it doesn't matter because no judge that would ever allow him to testify about what was said in that room. Eli happily agrees and points at his brother, "You just helped me anyways," and then skips out.
St. Vincent's Chief Admin is called back to the stand. First, Maggie clarifies that Dr. Agon resigned and wasn't fired from St. Vincent's, and then she goes on to mention the last patient Dr. Agon killed at St. Vincent's. Chief Admin reminds her that Agon didn't kill anyone, he was cleared of all malfeasance. "At your hospital's Morbidity and Mortality conference," Maggie provides helpfully, "Specifically the one held August 11, 2006?" The St. Vincent lawyer objects and says that what goes on in the conference is privileged. Maggie raises her hands innocently and points out that she hasn't asked any questions about the content of the proceedings. The judge overrules the objection, but warns Maggie to be careful. Maggie asks if notes were taken at the August 11th conference and walks over to Eli who prominently hands her a folder with St. Vincent's logo on it. Chief Admin takes a deep breath and admits there's a stenographer present. "And don't those notes reflect testimony establishing," Maggie looks down at the open folder in her hands, "Significant negligence on the part of Dr. Agon? Did his nurse describe him as a 'lawsuit in scrubs'?" Chief Admin blusters that those notes are privileged. "Is that a yes?" Maggie demands. St. Vincent's lawyer objects again and says the transcripts haven't been introduced to the defense. "I haven't introduced any transcripts. Yet," Maggie grandstands. Oddly, the judge overrules the objection again. Wait, but isn't asking about the actual proceedings at the M and M still privileged whether she has the transcripts or not? I'm so confused by how this works out. "Was there significant negligence?" Maggie repeats. Chief Admin admits that there was. "And one last thing, if Dr. Agon hadn't resigned, you were going to fire him, correct?" Maggie finishes. Chief Admin admits that he was. "That might be something his employer deserved to know," Maggie finalizes, ostentatiously folding the folder back and showing it to be empty, "Don't you think?"
The lawyers discuss a settlement. St. Vincent offers $500,000, an exchange of releases, and a confidentiality agreement. Maggie boggles at this happily, but Eli clears his throat to correct her, and she changes her tune to say it's insulted, she's insulted, and she's advising her clients to be insulted. The Chief Admin offers $1.1 million and says he doesn't have board authorization to go any higher. Maggie looks cautiously over at Eli, who puts his thumb up. Maggie says they're going to have to go higher. I would have taken that as an OK to accept the offer, but then I'm not a Maggie tumor in Eli's head. The lawyer finally offers $1.5 million. Okay, but the dude said he wasn't authorized to go higher, so…? "Take it or leave it," the lawyer says. Maggie, not even looking at Eli, is on the point of rejecting it when Eli coughs, so she agrees to it. Peter speaks up, saying, "It's not enough." Eli asks to have some time with his client. After St. Vincent clears out, Peter crosses his arm and paces, "You promised -- this isn't justice." When Eli points out that $1.5 million is a whole lotta justice, Peter argues that Eli was right in saying that money won't bring his mother back, "I want someone to say that what they did was wrong." Eli can't promise him that and says he doesn't know what the jury will do. Peter needs to find out. Eli looks over at Maggie and the Chief Admin of Cypress and neither of them seem to have any objections, so Eli agrees that's what they'll do.
Taylor is gibbering out an apology to someone on the phone, saying it will never happen again. We hear a dial tone. Isn't it funny how we can rarely hear the voices of the people on the other end of the phone but we can always, always hear the dial tone on television? Taylor goes to yell at Patti for not giving her messages. Patti plays completely dumb. Taylor finally goes off and says that Patti has a choice here, she can either work for Taylor and actually do her job or she's out of there. Apparently, Patti was going to be let go when Eli was demoted. OK, that's odd, because she used to be Jordan's assistant and she's had an affair with Posner, so which of them would be wanting her gone when Posner was sniffing around just a few weeks ago to see if they could rekindle shit? Taylor says she intervened on Patti's behalf because Eli loves Patti and Taylor wanted to protect her for his sake. But now, Taylor really doesn't care which choice Patti makes. She can stay or she can go. Whatever it is she's thinking, Patti finally shut up.
The jury in Eli's case has reached a verdict. They find in favor of the plaintiffs and award $28,000 in compensatory damages. Maggie looks chagrined, but the jury's not done yet. Because of the institutionalized fraud on St. Vincent's part, the jury also awards eight million in punitive damages. Now THAT'S justice! Eli is quietly pleased. Peter throws a quick hug at Maggie and then a long one at Eli. Eli smiles at the Chief Admin from Cypress Memorial. Outside the courtroom, Peter is fairly speechless. Maggie reminds him and us that he has to split the cash with Cypress. Peter talks over this, saying that the Cypress Chief Admin said they are going to name a wing after his mom, "That's cool, right?" Eli is glad Peter hung in there, even after seven lawyers, and says his mom would be proud of him. Peter thanks them and takes off. Because a fifteen-year-old millionaire has places to go, yo. Eli congratulates Maggie and she responds by throwing herself around his neck and kissing him. In public. Where there are courtroom gossips, apparently. Eli sort of kisses back but is also totally shocked. Maggie pulls away and is shocked. I'm totally throwing up in my mouth. And not just a little bit. Aside from her Pollyannaish outlook on life that I'm just dying to crush with a paralyzing fall from a tree after sneaking out to be an American flag, Maggie's spunky, and I simply can't stand it. In theory, I like spunky, but television spunky has turned into such a self-conscious trait that it's no longer, "She's spunky!" it's "I'm spunky! So spunky, in fact, that I'm going to jam it unapologetically down your throats!" As much as I loved it, I sort of blame Buffy for this problem. Plus, there's the "I wrassle with the law and my ideals" spunky and then there's "I wrassle with hot, deadly, bloodsucking vampires" spunky.
Maggie and Eli return to the office, apparently not having spoken the whole way back because Maggie bids Eli adieu by fast-talking, "I have to go kill myself, goodbye!" Don't let me stop you. Eli tries to say something about it only being weird if they do something, but Maggie minces quickly off, and Patti emerges to say, "If this is how she reacts when she wins a case, I do not want to be here when she loses." Eli doesn't even try to explain Maggie's compendium of issues and Patti observes that even if she cared, her boss wouldn't approve of her wasting her time. "Speaking of which, have you seen Miss Weathersby?" Patti asks. "Miss Weathersby?" Eli repeats, amused. "Yes," Patti bites out and then says that Jordan wants to see Eli and his daughter in his office. "And the day stared off so well," Eli groans. "Life is full of disappointment, Eli," Patti dramas. Eli finally asks what winter of discontent blew up Patti's ass. Patti explains, "It's no fun any more." "Well, I guess that's why they call it work," Eli shrugs. "Never used to feel like it," Patti says pointedly. Eli is about to say something but gets interrupted as Patti takes a call, making sure to ask if she can take a message. Patti nods Eli off, and he leaves.
Ugh, back to the Turk case. Turk is incredulous that his lawyers want him to plead temporary insanity. "It's still a not-guilty plea," Bennett points out. "Yeah, not guilty 'cause I'm crazy, whatever happened to not guilty because I'm. Not. Guilty?" Turk demands. Is this going to turn into some massively intricate whodunit where it will come out that Turk was framed for the coach's murder? Because I can bring myself to give a shit if they drop a little Agatha Christie or Ngaio Marsh on us. Bennett points out that Turk's wife "happened." "I thought wives couldn't testify against their husbands," Turk points out. Bennett retorts that he can't believe that's all Turk has to say. Well, Turk demands, what the hell does he want him to say? "Uh, 'She couldn't possibly have anything to tell the DA.' 'I never threatened that man,' something like that would be nice," Bennett snaps. Turk says, "The dude was screwing my wife. Of course I threatened him. That doesn't mean I killed him." Dowd finally says, "But that's the way it looks, Jayson." Turk doesn't care how it looks and turns away like he's going to stomp all out of there. Dowd points out that they're not his entourage, "You pay us to tell you want you need to hear, not what you want to." Bennett, sensing a reasonable moment, presses that their plea would work since the law says he's not guilty if he was not in his right mind, "Steroids tend to have that effect." Turk turns around angrily, "I told you, I don't do that crap." Bennett ignores this and says that if Turk admits to the steroid use, they can protect him on the murder charge. Turk glares at Bennett and walks around him to ask Dowd if he agrees with his co-counsel. Dowd shakes his head about how he's Turk's biggest fan and can actually chart his major life's successes against Turk's, however, he adds, "I'm not so sure you weren't aiming for your coach." Turk says that if he says he's on the juice, that's the end of his entire career, "My sponsors, the Hall of Fame…" "We're talking about your life, here," Dowd points out. "Baseball IS my life," Turk informs him angrily. After a pause, Turk says he'll think about it and walks out.
Up in his office, Jordan tells Eli he's not fooling anyone, "Even thought Miss Decker was the attorney of record, courthouse insiders have already been able to figure out who truly deserves the credit for this afternoon's victory in the St. Vincent's case." Have those same courthouse insiders been able to figure out that Maggie wants Eli in the worst way? Eli aw-shucks that he didn't do anything special. Jordan interrupts that nothing has changed between them and he only mentions the courthouse tittle-tattle because their Rambaldian client, Arvin Salinski, heard about it and now wants Eli on his case. Eli insists he's not needed and that Taylor is a much better choice. Jordan agrees and says he tried hard to convince Salinski of that, but the man is intractable. "Regardless of what he wants, it would be malpractice to entrust the case solely to you," Jordan continues, "Taylor, you'll stay on as co-counsel." Both Taylor and Eli bleat, "What?!" Jordan raises his hands in a simmer-down movement and says he knows the timing isn't ideal. Eli blithers that Jordan has to tell Salinski that he's not available, "Tell him I got hit by a bus!" "Even if I got to drive it, I couldn't do that. The firm can't afford to lose Salinski." Eli continues to protest, but Jordan says that no matter what, Eli's on the case. He asks what Eli wants out of it. Eli is confused. "Some of your privileges back? Your expense account? Your company car? Your old office?" Jordan fishes. Eli says, "I don't want my office back, you have the right person in there." Taylor is agog with pleasure. "All I want is four walls and a door," Eli says, "No more cubicles." "Done," Jordan announces. "And one more thing," Eli adds.
scene has Patti answering a phone in a noisy secretary bank, saying, "Eli Stone's office, please hold." Peter walks in, and Patti greets him with an unruffled, "Hello, sweetie." Peter says he's there to see Eli, so Patti leads him into Eli's new office, the law library. Eli is pleased to see Peter and shakes his hand. "Nice office," Peter says, "It's…unorthodox." Eli jokes that it goes with his practice and asks what he can do for Peter. "The cafeteria took French fries off the menu, so I'm thinking about suing," Peter jokes. Actually, he was looking for a way to thank Eli and the check hasn't cleared yet, so he brought him something else. He pulls an old book out of his backpack and says that his mother used to read it to him when he was little. "I know it's weird, giving you a book, but it means a lot to me," Peter says. Eli picks up the book. It's a book of medieval tales and adventures with a knight fighting a dragon on the cover. Eli smiles and says gently, "Peter, this is the biggest fee I ever got." "Wait until the two million dollar check clears," Peter half-laughs. Wait, the damages were for eight million and the hospital got half, leaving Peter with four million. Don't tell me Eli's fee is two million? Peter gets up and shakes Eli's hand, thanking him again.
week: Eli deals with an earthquake. Yeah, this San Francisco watcher's not going to be too comfortable with that episode. Seriously.