Uncle Bob gave this episode a grade of
B+
108 users have given this episode an average grade of
B+
We open at the bowling alley, where Ed, Kenny, and Phil are preparing for Vegas Night, yet another promotion designed to bring patrons into Stuckey Bowl. Or at least patrons whose homes aren't resting on four wheels. Phil is saying how Vegas is a fickle mistress, and how "you may hold her, but you can't own her because she is...VEGAS," when Ed asks Kenny if he's ever been to Vegas. Kenny snickers and tells Ed "that's cute." Apparently Kenny was banned from Caesar's in 1987. Ed's impressed and asks if Kenny was card counting. Kenny says not the casino...the buffet. He ate 128 shrimp for $2.99. I bet he was vomiting pink goo for several days afterwards. Kenny and Phil walk away and Shirley walks up, announcing that she has finished the signs for Vegas Night. The sign reads "Vega$ Night." Ed mentions that he's particularly pleased that she used a dollar sign in the word "Vega$". Shirley asks Ed to please don't condescend to her. Ed says "okay", knowing how volatile Shirley can get when she's condescended to, and she walks away. Mike walks in with some poker chips he found in his attic. In a quiet moment, Ed bets Mike ten bucks that he won't kiss Kenny on the cheek. Mike's dragging his heels since he doesn't really want to kiss Kenny on the cheek. Ed prods him a bit further with the line, "Does 'ten bucks, Mike' mean anything to you?" Kenny walks up and Mike greets him. Then Mike raises from his chair and reluctantly kisses Kenny on both cheeks. Kenny stands there for a moment, nods his head and walks away. "You went European on him," Ed says. "I thought it might help," Mike says quietly.
Opening credits and commercials. Maybe it's just my heterosexuality talking...but I have absolutely no interest in seeing Moulin Rouge. I think I'd rather watch a two-hour FOX special on circumcisions gone horribly wrong than have to sit through that crap.
Back in the alley, Warren has tracked down Ed and is telling him that the Stuckeyville Prom is coming up soon. Ed doesn't give a shit because Ed graduated about 12 years earlier. Warren then hints that he needs to earn some extra cash and was wondering if Ed would have any openings for some extra help around the Stuckey Bowl. Something like passing out shoes or bringing some much-needed life into the Snack Bar. Ed says that he could really use some help setting up Vega$ Night. Warren, smelling the fresh scent of easy money, agrees to help, and then mumbles to himself, "THAT'S never been done before." Y'know...Warren's a snippety little shit for a guy who's needing to scrape up some cash in a jiffy. Carol walks in, and Warren asks her what she's doing there, leering like he knows Ed and Carol are doing the dry hump-o-rama behind closed doors. Carol says she's there to retrieve a bag that she had left behind. Warren begins to insinuate that Carol left the bag at Ed's house, and even though it's none of his business, he finds it a bit shocking that Carol is now slutting around at Ed's house. Carol tries to explain that she left the bag at the bowling alley and not in Ed's condom closet, but both Ed and Warren are now pumped with testosterone, and Ed lies, saying that she left the bag at Ed's house. Warren sees Ed in a whole new light...a light that he normally reserved for basking in his various high-school crushes and Star Trek conventions. Ed tells Warren that he can start working tomorrow and Warren leaves, flashing Ed a thumbs-up sign to let Ed know that Warren approves of him nailing the hell out of Ms. Vessey.
Carol wants to know what in the fuck was Warren doing there, except she didn't exactly phrase it that way. Ed says that Warren's just looking to make a few bucks for Prom Night, which is coming up week, according to the NBC website. Ed asks if Carol went to their senior prom; then he quickly recovers from this bout of temporary insanity and admits he remembers seeing Carol at the senior prom...she was wearing a big, fancy, shiny crown. Carol braces for the humbling ridicule that she has suffered every single day since she was voted prom queen. Ed wants to know what kind of power does a prom queen receive once she has been voted in. Did she ever get to bomb Belgium? Carol said she could and did. Carol then blows off Ed's infantile attempts at humor to inform him that she had a wonderful time the other night while standing inches from him. Ed says it sure beat a fist to the nuts. Carol gets all ga-ga and goo-goo and mushy, and we (the television viewing audience) are just supposed to believe that Carol has finally chipped the ice off her demeanor and fallen for our dear, sweet Ed. Well, guess what, Ms. Vessey? Television viewing audience don't play that. Uh-uh. Take your sassy ass back to...ummmm...well...just keep it right here for now...but we ain't havin' none of it. Nope. No sirree, Uncle Bob.
At his office, Mike is on the phone talking to someone when Nancy walks in. Well, guess what? NANCY WANTS SEX. Nancy starts acting all "my hormones are racing" and hops up on a table, talking about how she wants Mike's strong hands running all over her naked body. I just about drop my glass of Kickin' Kiwi Kool Aid all over my lap when she starts talking that trash. Nancy says it's always been a fantasy of hers to have done this, and Mike says it was a fantasy of his too. Nancy asks if she's part of the fantasy that he's talking about, and he says "you were there" and then admits that he always wanted to run his hands all over the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes' bodies. Personally, I think I'd have severe arthritis after living out that fantasy. Nancy keeps waiting for Dr. Jerome to burst in and bitch Mike out, but it doesn't happen. Mike tells Nancy that the guy on the phone was somebody named Henry, and he said that Dr. Jerome's been nominated as the "Doctor of the Year." Nancy asks how Mike can stand to work for the cranky old bastard, and Mike reminds Nancy that someday Jerome will retire and Mike will take over the practice, thus finally being able to take care of Nancy and Sara like he's always wanted, showering them with gifts and bangles and baubles. Nancy keeps waiting for Jerome to bust in, but he doesn't. Maybe he's dead. Dead from choking on the bile that makes up 90 percent of his body.
Back in the bowling alley, Ed and Molly are chatting in a very non-threatening "we're just friends and neither of us wants to sleep with the other" type of way. Ed asks Molly to come to Vega$ Night, and Molly says she can't because she's going out of town for a bris. She then asks if one is supposed to bring gifts to a bris, and Ed says, "Cotton swabs and mercurochrome," which cracks my big ass up. Phil comes waltzing in with an oxygen tank and is sucking it dry, trying to convince Ed that they need the oxygen tank for Vega$ Night. Phil wants to pump oxygen into the bowling alley all night and promises that people will be bowling their brains out until 4 a.m. The machine is so loud that it's hard to hear anyone or anything over it, so when Shirley comes up with a gentleman and announces that Ed has a client, nobody can hear her. Phil finally turns the machine off and Shirley introduces Ed to his latest client...Jerry Foley.
“ Warren stands there like a robot from the 1950s, not really picking up on the whole 'Donna's Horny And Wanting You To Ask Her' vibe. ”
Jerry won the most recent Stuckeyville Open. Wait. No he didn't. He lost it. Jerry is one confused compadre. Jerry then tells the story of how he was leading by one shot and then goes on to use about a shitload of golf terms that I've never heard in my life because Uncle Bob doesn't golf...he reads, bee-yotch. That's what has gotten Uncle Bob as far as he's come...reading, beeyotch. I really should look into some elementary-school speaking engagements. I think I could really get into the heads of the youth of America by telling them to "just read, beeyotches." ["I think it could work. 'Reading Is FundamentalBeeyotches.' It's got a certain rhythm." -- Sars]
Anyway, the guy was golfing, and just as he was about to sink his last putt and win the Stuckeyville Open, someone screamed at the top of their lungs and Jerry missed the putt, forcing him to finish third in the tournament. Jerry asks if he can sue, and Ed says "sure" but doubts he'll win the case. Jerry's pissed because he wanted his name engraved in a cup and he wanted the big cardboard check handed to him just like Ed McMahon does. Ed asks if he would be willing to take the putt over again, and Jerry says, "Fuckin' A, dude!" but not exactly phrased like that. Out of curiosity, Ed asks what was yelled at him that made him miss the putt. It was "You da man!!" I could understand Jerry being mad if someone had yelled "I did your mama doggy-style last night" or something to that effect, but"You da man"? The beeyotch should be honored that someone thought that highly of him.
Walking through the school cafeteria, Warren is trying to convince Mark and Gavin that they need to rent a big limo with a Jacuzzi in it for the prom night. Apparently, Warren is suffering from the delusion that Ed pays $300/hour to help out setting up Vega$ Night. Mark says that Warren's just excited because he has a date to the prom, while he and Gavin don't. Mark saves face by telling Warren that the dynamic duo are going to be going stag to the prom because that's the cool way to go. Warren brings up the fact that every single female in the building will have a date and going stag to the prom is worse than bringing your mother...unless she likes it doggy-style. Mark then counters Warren's deduction by pointing out that, at every prom, some girl gets mad at her date and they break up. This is where Mark and Gavin will swoop in for the kill, sweep the damsel in distress off her feet, and then do her doggy-style in the back of the limo, preferably in the Jacuzzi where diseases run rampant in the warmth of shared waters. Mark asks Warren if he's asked Donna to the prom yet, and Warren says that he's just waiting for the right time. Donna walks up and flutters her eyelashes at Warren, and Warren acts like a retard who's mastered three lines of Shakespeare and coasts on that as an attempt to win the ladies over. Donna asks the boys if they have prom dates yet, and Mark says they're still assessing their options, as if the chicks are just lining up for a chance to go out with a guy the size of a Winnebago. Donna tells the guys to not wait too long...the prom's in less than two weeks and they shouldn't wait until the last minute to ask their dates out. Warren stands there like a robot from the 1950s, not really picking up on the whole "Donna's Horny And Wanting You To Ask Her" vibe. She walks away, and Winnebago Boy calls Warren an ass because he didn't ask her out right then. Apparently, Warren needs an engraved invitation every time he makes a move on Donna.
Just then...just as lips are puckered and ready to meet...Warren pulls up. "They told me I could find you two here," he says as he gets out of his car and slams his door. "Warren?" Ed says. "What's going on?" Warren looks at Carol and tells her to close her eyes, he doesn't want her seeing this. Carol says, "See what?" Warren says he's here to beat the living shit out of Ed, throws up his fists, and says, "Let's go, bitch!" Ed motions with his hands and says, "What's this about, Warren?" Warren sees the hands move and shields his face in horror like Ed was about to slug him. Warren says Ed told him to ask Jessica to the prom, but guess what...she shot him down. Warren adds that Ed understands women about as well as Steve Kmetko. Ed asks, "Who?" and Carol says, "The guy from the E! Channel." Ed says, "Oh" and Carol clarifies, "He's gay" to which Ed replies, "Really??" Man. A slam on the Kmetko-man. The writers are feeling ballsy tonight. So that's it...Warren's junior prom...and he has no date. Ed says he's sorry, he had no idea. Warren mimics him. Ed says, "Warren," and Warren says, "'Warrrren,'" in a great impersonation of Ed. Warren gets in his car, after telling Ed to shut up, and drives off. Ed says he feels bad, and Carol tells him not to...that Warren always lands on his feet. Now that the moment of sexual passion has been successfully squelched, Ed and Carol start talking nonsense again. Ed's telling Carol that shooting stars are really the size of apple seeds, and she doesn't believe him. Ed acts appalled and tells Carol that he's only trying to unlock the secrets of the universe for her as the episode ends.
This was a big step forward after the last few dismal weeks. A court case that only took up about five minutes of air time, a healthy dose of Phil and Warren, twists, turns, and Nancy looking pretty freakin' hot. There have been better episodes of Ed, but not many.