The pressure is officially on.
With Ed winning a People's Choice Award for Best New Comedy, that's bound to bring three or four more people to this spot to read my recap for the show.
My palms...they are a-sweating.
Sooo...um, hi. I'm Uncle Bob. I'll be your nervous recapper.
Okay. Niceties aside, let's dive head-first into this pool of bad puns, empty thoughts, and terrifying attempts at dull wit and see what made Ed tick this week.
The show opens with Ed cleaning his house. A knock at the door finds an older couple on his doorstep. "Hey c'mon in!" Ed says, clueing those of us at home in on the fact that these people could very well be Ed's parents. "Come here you skinny bastard," his father says, pulling him close as he hugs him. Ed asks how the flight went and Ed's mom says she almost died of embarrassment. Apparently, Ed's dad always pre-orders the Kosher meal on flights because that way he knows he's getting something fresh to eat. However, on this flight there weren't enough Kosher meals prepared, so he had to give the meal to an actual Jewish guy...after a coin toss which turned into 2 out of 3 due to Dad's bad luck. The parents take a look around the house and try to act impressed. Dad says he enjoyed Ed's New York home, with its scenic view of the Chrysler building. Ed tries to pump up his humble abode by pointing out that he has his own back yard and garage here in Stuckeyville. And the guy door drives a Chrysler, so it's close to what he used to have. Mom says that she got a letter from Liz, Ed's ex, who is now living in Soho. Dad asks what rent is going for these days in Stuckeyville and Ed says that he's actually bought the house. The parents kind of stare at each other and say that they thought Ed just needed a break from his real life. "This is my real life," he tells them. And the disappointed looks continue as we slide into a tidy little batch of commercials.
Back from commercials, Molly and Carol are walking down the street. Molly is babbling incessantly about taking over as coach of the Girls' JV Basketball team, which is currently celebrating its forty-seventh consecutive loss. Molly thinks she can do wonders for the team's self-esteem. Finally, she admits that one of the reasons she'd like to take over the team is so that she can holler (and then she hollers), "HIT THE SHOWERS, YOU PUNKS!" which frightens the crap out of a nearby lady.
Over at the bowling alley, Ed is carelessly throwing pencils into the ceiling when Kenny steps into his office. Kenny informs Ed that some young hooligans have stolen the "T" out of the "Stuckey Bowl" sign again, so that the sign now reads "Suckey Bowl." Ed finds this oddly amusing. You've got to give the guy credit...he's half loopy.
Molly and Carol run into Agnes Buchner, an old friend of Molly's from high school. Agnes is warm toward Molly -- not so much toward Carol. Agnes tells Molly that she looks the same which Molly responds "Minus the Psychedelic Furs t-shirts." Molly introduces Carol to Agnes and reminds her that they were all classmates. Carol tries to talk to Agnes and hits an icy brick wall, with Agnes clearly snubbing her. Agnes bids them both farewell and Molly says, "See ya, Aggie!" Carol chimes in with an ultra-clumsy "See ya, Aggie...nes."
Back at the bowling alley, Ed is taking down the Pro Shop/Lawyer sign down from outside his office. Phil walks up and watches him. Ed asks Phil what he needs and Phil admits he just likes watching Ed work...it's "poetry in motion." Phil asks, "So what's the story? Are the feds finally busting this little dog and pony show?" Ed explains that his parents are visiting and he wanted them to think he was taking this seriously. He then asks Phil for a favor. "Do you want me to hide all the bowling balls?" Phil asks. "I need you to..." Ed starts, and we can tell he's really trying to choose his words carefully here "...try to be a little less...Phil." Ed tries to explain himself, but Phil interupts him. "I read you loud and clear, Señor. Don't worry your pretty little head," he says. Phil leaves to stash the signs away as Ed's parents walk in. Ed welcomes them to his new office; Mom says that she didn't realize his offices were in a bowling alley. Ed corrects her by telling her that the law office is adjacent to the bowling alley -- not in the bowling alley. Dad steps in the office for a second, turns around and says, "I'm still in a bowling alley." There's very little wool to be pulled over Pop's eyes. Ed tries to gloss it over, when his Mom asks whether his clients have to change their shoes before they come in his office. Ed says they don't. I look for a trickle of blood to come out of Ed's mouth where he's been biting his tongue, but there is none visible.
In a café, Molly, Carol, and Nancy are eating lunch. Carol's upset that Agnes blew her off earlier. Nancy says it's kind of ironic that sweet head cheerleader Carol is worried about what nerdy little Agnes thought of her. Molly points out that Carol never went out of her way to be nice to any of them in high school. Carol, a master debater if I ever saw one, counters, "I didn't know you guys." Wow. In your face, gals. Molly and Nancy try to smooth it out, saying that Agnes never got to know Carol the way Molly and Nancy have. Carol wants to know what that means, and Molly changes the subject: "You've got to try some of this Shepherd's Pie. It's shepherdlicious."
Meanwhile, Ed's entertaining his parents with the story of Stuckeyville Stan or whatever the hell that magician's name was earlier in the season. Dad reminds Ed that a year ago, he was working on a $300 billion merger that changed the structure of the national economy. Ed points out that he was working for a corporation then; now he's just working for himself, and he likes that better. The new Phil comes in quietly, dressed to the nines in sweater and slacks. He's coming across as the world's most attentive waiter, when he mentions that there's some gentlemen here to see Ed, and should he send them in? Ed's practically rendered speechless by Phil's politeness and says "Sure." Ed asks his parents to stick around and watch him in action. Dad says, "Send in the clowns,."
Kenny and Shirley are on the roof of the Stuckey Bowl. Kenny's complaining as he replaces the "T" on the sign. "Third time this month...these punks think they're funny," he growls. Shirley chimes in that she thinks Family Feud is funny, and that her favorite part is when somebody gives an answer and the whole family yells, "Good answer!" but they still get the answer wrong. This always tends to make Louie Anderson say something hilarious. "He's a funny guy," Kenny agrees. "He's a comic genius," Shirley confirms adamantly. Then Kenny shares a revelation. "I prefer Hollywood Squares," he says. Shirley looks at him blankly. He explains, "I've got a thing for Whoopi."
Okay...all together now: ewwwwww.
Back in the office, one of the potential clients checks out Ed's parents and asks, "Are they cool?" Ed assures them that his parents are, indeed, cool. One of the guys announces that they are in serious trouble. Apparently, a co-worker by the name of Ted Schmidt is suing them for playing a prank on him. Ed asks what they do and, as luck would have it, they're both box makers at the local box-making plant. "See that box behind you?" one asks Ed. "We made that box." The two then begin a short story on how they play pranks on each other and others at the box factory. The younger guy once filled a guy's shoes up with non-dairy whipped topping. That's a prime example of the intensity these two bozos bring to the table of hijinks.
Back up on the roof, Shirley is admiring Kenny's handiwork, saying that this "T" is the nicest "T" they've ever had. Kenny is visibly disturbed (moreso than usual) and asks Shirley to accompany him on a stakeout that evening on top of the bowling alley, to capture the "T" thieves. Shirley mentally checks her social calendar, realizes she has nothing planned for the entire millenium, and agrees to join Kenny in the stakeout.