By Montykins
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Darryl Van Horne is planning to build a brewery in Eastwick. A brewery! That makes beer! The alcoholic kind! This outrages the populace, apparently, especially a priest by the name of Pastor Dunn, who's exceedingly angry about this. Keep Eastwick Dry! Nobody seems to mind that the main characters have been getting drunk at least once per episode. This is wrapped up when Joanna finds Pastor Dunn at a whorehouse and writes a big front-page exposé.
Meanwhile, Joanna's husband Raymond has turned out to still be a huge jerk even though he got his job back. So the divorce is back on. And Roxie sees Gus's ghost around town until she apologizes for possibly causing his death. Then he vanishes again.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Before we get into the recap, let's talk about What's Wrong With This Show. My basic problem with it is that I already know that all three main characters have magic powers. I even know what they are. I assume Darryl is some kind of demon or something, because that's what he was in the book and the movie, and also because he showed up in a puff of magic smoke while wearing a T-shirt that said "I AM OBVIOUSLY SOME KIND OF DEMON OR SOMETHING". So all this stalling around where the women slowly come to terms with the idea that they might possibly have magic powers? Boring. You're witches. You use magic powers every episode. Get on with it. The investigation into Darryl's mysterious background? Don't care. He's a demon. Or something. Everybody already knows that. Skip ahead a bit. Make something interesting happen!
Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest. It's like if Lost started season one with a voiceover saying "These people are stranded on an island with polar bears and hidden hatches," you know?
Bun is awake, but apparently crazy. You can tell because she's mumbling "Three Blind Mice". She's lost her memory and she's constantly doodling The Symbol that we've seen on Jamie's torso and in front of Eleanor's house. From now on, I'll just call that The Symbol. It kind of freaks out Kat, who's checking up on Bun in her capacity as a nurse.
There's a festival going on. Eastwick has a lot of festivals, doesn't it? In this case, it's because Van Horne Ventures has declared some place to be the Future Side of Eastwick Brewing Company. Darryl and The Witches (that's what I'm calling them from now on, because why keep denying it?) walk through the crowd talking about Oatmeal Stout. He encourages Kat to contact his lawyer to divorce Raymond, but she's getting back together with him. He asks Kat to take the divorce lawyer's business card, but she declines, putting it back in Darryl's pocket. That's important, just so you know. Raymond rushes up to gush to Kat about how they're giving away beer cozies.
Joanna, who is still trying to advance her subplot about investigating Darryl's mysterious past, tries to ask Darryl some questions, but he'd rather talk to Roxie. He asks her if she's at all bothered by the way she wished to see Gus dangling by his neck in town square and then that very thing happened, but she insists that it was just a coincidence. See, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about. Nobody watching thinks it was a coincidence, Darryl doesn't think it was a coincidence, even Roxie doesn't really think it was a coincidence. So why are we slogging through the part of the story where she acts like it was? Anyway, Darryl's mute servant Fidel has brought him some giant scissors, which is always funny. Roxie turns around and sees Gus's dead face, attached to the rest of his dead body, right in front of her. She screams.