Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Beer Party!
By Monty Ashley | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.07.2009
nate meaning of "she is not using the Spirit Dice from last episode" also works. Kat and Joanna enter, which startles Roxie. They're here to borrow clothes. Joanna wants stakeout clothes, and Kat wants date clothes. Kat is a little snotty about Roxie imagining Gus's ghosts. She insists that it's all in Roxie's head. Joanna is completely gratuitously changing clothes in the room so we can all see her bra. Well, it's not like Darryl hasn't been half-naked in every episode. Joanna recommends this psychic she interviewed once. Say, Kat fits into Roxie's dress surprisingly well, considering that the two women are completely different shapes. Both Roxie and Joanna make allegedly titillating lesbian references. They drink!Kat and Raymond are on their date. Raymond owns a suit! And he wants to relive the time the two of them had sex in the public pool. Oh, lord. It's not even inside! It's just across the street from a bunch of houses! He objects to women being drunk in public, but he thinks it's a good idea to have sex in the community pool while shrieking "Whoo!"? Anyway, Ray jumps in first, and Kat follows him. Ray wonders "Why'd it get so warm all of a sudden?" I assume that's supposed to indicate that Kat's warmed up the pool with her magic powers, but it really just sounds like one of them peed in the pool. Not all that sexy.
Roxie meets up with the medium, who is only barely paying attention. Roxie's a little squeamish about taking the medium's hands, but I think that's because of the fried chicken the medium was eating a second ago. Roxie protests that she can't see Gus, but the medium insists that he's there and he's moving to a better place, etc. The evidence for that is the flickering candles, but Roxie can see the bored teenager waving an electric fan around. She gets angry, as you do in this situation. In Roxie's anger, she spits out, "As far as my money goes, you can choke on it!" And the fake psychic immediately begins choking. Gosh! Do you think there's a chance Roxie has magic powers? Because I'm starting to think there's a chance she does. The psychic has the sense to give Roxie back her money, which stops the choking.
Gus's memorial. Everyone has candles and is sharing tearful memorials about Gus, whom they all loved. They make Mia say something, and she finally tells them that none of them knew him and that the whole thing makes her want to puke. She leaves in a huff
.Joanna and Penny are on their stakeout, which turns out to be at Mrs. Yang's Tearoom. Penny's bored and wants to go inside. They go inside and demand tea. For two. Mrs. Yang seems perplexed by the idea of serving tea, and asks if they're cops. They are not. Well, are they here for work? They say they are. Then they realize that it's a brothel. As they leave, Joanna recognizes Pastor Dunn on the front porch with a lady of the evening. If I were a priest, I would perform my dalliances inside. But that's me: Mr. Careful. Joanna takes a picture with her product-placed phone and the muscly bald guy I forgot to mention from the inside of the tearoom grabs them by their throats. But Joanna finally puts her hypno-eyes to good use and makes him let them go. Joanna and Penny leave. Quickly.
Kat and Raymond are still making out in the pool. Everything's going fine until Kat mentions Martini Night with The Girls. Raymond gets angry and resentful immediately. He doesn't want her seeing them anymore! They have a shouty argument while standing shoulder deep in the pool, and as she gets angrier, he gets more goosepimply and shivery. The pool freezes completely over as they get out just in time. See, these two don't stand around saying "It's impossible for this pool to be freezing over"; they see what's happening and react appropriately.
Mia runs through the trees, pursued by some kid named Josh who's concerned about her. She tells him to go away. He's willing to, but he's lost so he calls his brother, who will follow his phone's GPS. That's pretty much it.
Eastwick Gazette. Will tells Joanna that her pictures are all high-res and can be blown up as big as the newspaper needs. I do not believe that. Anyway, she's giddy about the story, which she considers front-page material. Oh boy! Gossip! Although Joanna is a little wistful as she realizes that she was led to the "tearoom" so she'd get the story. As Will scrolls through the pictures on Joanna's phone, he finds the stash of pictures of himself. And his butt. Joanna panics! They have a conversation about how Will likes her but she made him like her. He insists that he's always wanted to kiss her, since the very first day he saw her. Things get out of hand quickly. He and Joanna are about to have animalistic sex on top of a desk, but he insists that he wants to take her on a private date first. Naturally.
Roxie drives down the street and swerves to avoid the ghost of Gus. He says he wants "two little words" and he'll vanish. Roxie says "Screw you!" and we're not rid of him yet.
Lost in the woods somewhere, Josh gives his jacket to Mia. He assures her that her eulogy was only mildly crazy and agrees that the mourners are all phonies, man. He thinks Gus was a nice kid back in kindergarten, but he mostly came because he knew Mia would be there. Josh's brother shows up, and it's Chad. You know, Roxie's boy? Chad leads them out of the woods, and I wonder why Josh's GPS-enabled phone couldn't help him get back to civilization.
Roxie shows up at Darryl's place babbling about how she made Gus die with her wish. She doesn't deserve peace because she's an awful person! That's her talking, not me. I think she deserves at least some peace. Darryl assures her that she shouldn't be sorry. Then he quotes Ezekiel 25:17, which Roxie identifies as being the line from Pulp Fiction. Darryl wants to know why he gets to have all the vengeance-related fun. Roxie admits that she mostly felt relief when she saw that Gus was dead, but now she's worried that she's going to Hell. Darryl assures her that there are worse places than Hell. He goes in for a very slow kiss, and Roxie's phone rings just before their lips touch. It's Chad, catching Roxie up on Mia's deal.
Joanna is preparing to take a shower when someone opens her front door. A glass breaks! She's scared! There's someone out there! Gasp! She gets the hell out of there, still wrapped in a towel.
Roxie arrives home to fine Joanna and Kat sitting on the front porch. She declines the menage she just naturally assumes they're there for, and they complain about their various problems. "I think my house is being robbed." "I think I need to leave Raymond." Joanna gets off the phone with a police officer and reports that whoever it was has left, but the place was ransacked. She's convinced it was Pastor Dunn. Kat doesn't think Raymond's changed at all. Men is dogs, honey.
Chad brings Mia home and gets the heck out of there. Mia is sulky about telling Roxie what's going on, but then explains that she went to the memorial for Gus because she felt guilty about wishing him harm right before he died. She talks about honoring "whatever piece of him deserved to be honored", and Roxie looks touched.
The next morning, Joanna shrieks (seriously, shrieks) about her front-page article with her byline. Seriously, how big a deal can this possibly be? Didn't she write the front page article about the ant attack in the pilot? And what kind of chintzy newspaper puts a picture of the writer next to front page news like that? On the other hand, I see they got some color pictures on the front page for once. Kat goes off to get her kids awake and deal with Raymond. Joanna is giddy. And also really annoying. She goes off to buy a copy of the paper from every vendor in town. Wow, three whole papers?
Darryl and Fidel watch as flowers are destroyed to make room for their brewery.
Sitting alone in the dark, the pastor cuts up the picture of Joanna and vows revenge.
Kat comes home and calls for the kids. They're missing! She finds the divorce attorney's card, mysteriously un-cut-up and attached to the refrigerator. Raymond has written "GO TO HELL" on it. So I guess the divorce is back on, putting us back where we were after the pilot. Productive!
Roxie and Mia go to Gus's mother's house and return his T-shirt. Roxie looks at the ghost of Gus and says "I'm sorry, too." Gus fades. As Joanna walks happily down the street with an armful of the Gazette, a hand descends on her shoulder. She jumps, but we don't see who it is. Darryl looks at the corkboard and tosses the evidence into the fire. As he tosses the picture of his '80s ladies in, Bun's notebooks full of symbols catches fire as her own face in the picture goes up in flames.